Date: Fri, 6 Aug 2004 23:11:11 EDT
From: RitchChristopher@cs.com
Subject: if-love-were-all-1

All rights reserved. Copyright held by the author. If you are underage or
are offended by gay fiction, containing graphic sex and explicit language,
please exit now.

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                                IF LOVE WERE ALL

                                       by

                                Ritch Christopher


                                   Chapter One


                                 "Class Reunion"

                  * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

	The house at 3219 Glendale Road in Holyfield, Mass., a suburb of
Boston, could easily have been mistaken for 610 South Main Street, the
Anderson's address on "Father Knows Best". Whereas Jim and Margaret
Anderson had had two daughters, Betty ('Princess') and Kathy ('Kitten') and
one son, James ('Bud'), Ted and Lisa Browne had three sons, Toby, age 12,
Marc, age 15, and Lonnie, who was also called, Buddy age 19. By all
appearances, they were the epitome of the ideal American family. Ted was a
successful real estate agent, Lisa was a homemaker and president of
Holyfield Grammar School P.T.A., where Toby was in the sixth grade. Marc
was a sophomore at Holyfield High, and Buddy, a junior at Copper
University, just outside Boston, a half hour's drive from Holyfield.

	The three brothers were as different as they were alike. Cataloging
the three, you'd have a budding athlete, a 'brain', and an artist. Toby
excelled in sports, holding the school record for the most points ever
scored in a soccer match. He was also into wrestling, boxing, and,
surprisingly, gymnastics. But Toby's secret passion was to be exactly like
his big brother, Buddy, for in Toby's eyes, the sun rose and set with
Buddy. Although he liked his brother, Marc, he loved Buddy and wanted to be
around him as much as possible. Toby had no talent for music as Buddy did,
but that didn't matter, Buddy was still his idol. Some times at night when
Toby was sure the rest of his family was asleep, he'd slip into Buddy's
room and crawl into bed with him. It was nothing sexual or incestuous when
he let Buddy spoon him and hold him tightly against his body, while Buddy
ran his fingers through Toby's hair. The last thing Buddy would do was to
kiss Toby on the back of his head and then Toby would feel safe as he
drifted off to sleep.

	Marc was the studious one, a straight 'A' student, who spent as
much time in the Holyfield Public Library as his little brother spent on
the soccer field. Being a 'brain', Marc was very proficient at computer
games and he had also downloaded free casino games on his computer and
could beat the odds on most blackjack and poker Internet
challenges. Secretly, he had an ambition to go to Las Vegas on his
eighteenth birthday, to play these games for real, and come back home as a
multimillionaire. Marc also had a girlfriend, Sandy, who had been his
sweetheart since the first grade. Sandy was cute, not sexy, just cute and
she was also a match for Marc in scholastics, as she, too, was an all 'A'
student. Sandy didn't have an interests in games the way Marc did and quite
often during private talks, hers and Marc's conversations revolved around
science and politics. Sandy's parents, Burt and Liz Sholler, were
conservative Republicans while Marc's parents were just the opposite,
liberal Democrats. So usually, if Marc and Sandy had a verbal spat, it was
about politics. This mutual intererst in politics, albeit from different
poles, made them seem, at times, older and more mature then their
schoolmates.

	Buddy was the musician in the family. He had gone from playing
first chair clarinet in CU's marching band to becoming drum major. That, in
itself, was quite an honor, considering that most drum majors were always
seniors, but his band director, Scott Parsons, had taken a special interest
in Buddy. Scott called him Lonnie, the name which with he'd been
christened, but to everyone else, he remained 'Buddy'.  Buddy was the
sensitive brother of the three and already knew he was, in some way,
different. For whatever reason, he know he could never be the typical 'boy
next door'.He realized a need to explore his feelings toward other guys,
particularly Clint Walters who had been his best friend ever since junior
hich school. Even though he was still totally virgin, he kept hoping in a
weak moment he and Clint might be able to compare how much they had in
common with their sexual preferences. Clint had a steady girlfriend, Louise
Drummond, or 'Lulu', while Buddy had no girl in particular to share his
interest in music. Clint had no idea of Buddy's gay secret, but Buddy felt
it wouldn't end their friendship if Buddy ever told him.

        Buddy liked being the 'big' brother and he'd always felt closer to
Toby than to Marc. He especially liked holding Toby when Toby sneaked into
his bed. The two had a strong brotherly bond, but it went no further than
that as Buddy was completely devoid of incestuous thoughts about his kid
brother. Although he was aware of his homosexual tendencies, Buddy morés
were completely normal where his family was concerned.

	It was a typical beautiful autumn morning at the Browne breakfast
table. Outside the kitchen window, the trees were aflame with fall color.
The three boys were eager to start their day, but,unlike most other
families, Lisa insisted that all her family get up at a reasonable hour to
have their first meal of the day together...no 'grab a bite', 'give me a
kiss at the door', 'rush off the school' routine because, every morning,
Lisa prepared a special breakfast meal where all five of them sat down and
ate leisurely, after saying 'grace' of course. The Browne's were members of
the First Presbyterian Church and attended Sunday school and church every
Sunday.

	This morning's conversation was centered on an announcement
received in the mail of Ted and Lisa's twenty-fifth high school reunion at
Yardley High in Scofield, Vermont, two hundred miles away from
Holyfield. The idea of going back to see her teen peers excited Lisa, for
even having had three sons and now in her early 40's, Lisa had maintained
her school girl figure.  Her complexion was as healthy and glowing as it
was twenty years ago, showing no lines, creases or crows'feet around her
eyes and she had yet to find her first gray hair. She was proud of the way
she looked and didn't mind letting everyone from her school days see how
little she had changed.

	Ted had maintained himself pretty much the same as his wife had. He
worked out at his gym twice a week and had a tight washboard set of abs
that would rival most teenagers'. Ted kept himself well-groomed and could
easily pass for a man in his late twenties, although he was
forty-two. Amazingly, he weemed completely unaware of his continued good
looks. Ted's enthusiasm about the forthcoming the reunion was less than
Lisa's. He hated to miss two days at work, plus he dreaded the discussion
about what to do with their three sons while they were gone.

	They had no close relatives in Boston and Ted knew that all three
boys would claim to be too old for a babysitter. There was no friend's
house where they could all stay because what home had three spare beds?
Buddy, the oldest, was a responsible young man. Both Ted and Lisa trusted
him where alcohol and drugs were concerned. Buddy was not the party type so
if he WERE left in charge of Toby and Marc, his parents knew they wouldn't
come home to a wrecked house.

	Lisa could find no reason why she and Ted shouldn't attend. After
all, it was two weeks away and that was plenty of time for everyone's
schedule to be arranged. She and Ted would leave on Wednesday, arrive on
Thursday for a luncheon, a tour of the school, and an evening dinner and
then Friday evening would be the reunion prom. Since it had been a couple
of months since Lisa had splurged by buying herself new clothes, she
decided to go shopping and pick out a new day dress, a cocktail dress for
the dinner, and a dressier semi-formal for the dance. Ted didn't have to
worry about new clothes as he had a closet filled with business suits which
he wore to work every day and he was confident that his tux would still
fit.

	Toby was the most excited of the three boys because he was sure
that Buddy would take him for a pizza, a movie, and maybe to Game-O-Rama
afterward, whether Marc decided to go with them or not. Marc had other
plans. IF Buddy and Toby went to the movies on Friday, and IF Buddy would
let him, he would invite Sandy over to his house to play Xbox or watch a
DVD or perhaps finally find out why his hormones seemed to rage every time
he was alone with her. Marc had secretly found out in his bathroom how to
manage his new pubescent urges when he was alone, but he wanted to find
out, 'scientifically', if Sandy got the same kind of urge...and how she
coped with it!

	This very same Tuesday was also to be very eventful for Buddy. As
he left for school in the '92 Toyota his dad had bought him on his
eighteenth birthday, he was unknowingly leaving his house for the very last
time as a virgin. He had long been convinced he would never have the
courage or the chance to make a move on his best friend, Clint. Buddy had
spent countless hours pumping his penis into a dirty sock while fantasizing
about Clint...'and it just wasn't gonna happen'. However Buddy had heard
two of his fellow band members talking about the Foxhole, an adult book and
movie store about a half mile from the campus where a guy could get an
anonymous 'glory hole' blowjob in the dark and no one would ever know about
it. Since it was impossible to see your partner, no one could ever point an
accusing finger or be a victim of 'tell-tale'. And THAT would be the end of
his hated virginity !

	It was noon during lunch at the university after Clint had sloughed
off Buddy's invitation to sit with him in the commons that Buddy reached a
decision. Watching Clint stand in the hall with Lulu while the two of them
felt each other up through their clothes was too much for Buddy. He
couldn't remain a virgin any longer and if his partner had to be someone he
couldn't see or someone he didn't even know...then, so be it! That's when
he made up his mind to stop at the Foxhole after his last class at two
o'clock. ANY sex was better than NO sex, especially if you're twenty-years
old and had NEVER had sex. And so, at 3:15 in the afternoon, Buddy parked
his car behind the book store and entered through the back door to
experience something that would change his life forever.

	At home, after cleaning up the breakfast dishes, Lisa called her
best friend, Amy Alford, and asked Amy to go shopping with her. Amy and
Charles Alford had long been Lisa and Ted's best friends and all four
usually went out to dinner together at least twice a month. Charles was
Dr. Charles Alford and had been the Browne's family physician ever since
Ted had sold Charles his new home. The Alford's had one son, Seth, who was
sixteen and a junior at Holyfield High. Seth was friendly with the Browne
brothers although he was not in the same grade as Marc, and Buddy had
graduated the year before Seth started in high school. Being an only child,
Seth was a 'mama's boy' to Charles' dismay. Charles feared his son might be
gay and dreaded the idea of what his son would have to face, both
emotionally and physically with AIDS becoming more rampant. Nevertheless,
when the four boys were together, they got along politely, but didn't
really communicate all that well.

	At least Charles had some hint about his son's sexuality while Ted
had no inkling at all about his own three sons. Ted and Lisa had restrained
from sex until their honeymoon night. He just assumed that his boys would
do the same and therefore, he'd never had the father/son talk with any of
the three. His sons were good sons. Ted never worried about them smoking,
cursing, drinking, or doing drugs.  The three were raised properly, had
good manners, all three had been baptized in the Presbyterian church where
they never missed a Sunday service. So why should he bring up the subject
of sex and give them ideas?

	Buddy's 'still in the wrapper, never been used' gaydar let him know
that Seth was gay, also, and perhaps going through the same virginal
dilemma as he, but Buddy was not attracted to Seth and besides, Seth
was under eighteen and only a kid to a nineteen-year old. Seth, on the
other hand, got the same gay vibes when he looked at the tall handsome
Buddy and Seth quite often had to adjust his tightie-whities when he was
in Buddy's presence. Buddy was Seth' nightly fantasy. There were so many
pent-up secrets among these four that if any or all of them had been even
slightly revealed, it would have caused an explosion worse than a mail-box
pipe bomb. Fortunately, or maybe unfortunately, the six of them had
reservations for dinner the following Friday at Indigo's, a new restaurant,
Lisa and Amy were dying to try.

	Toby had no way of knowing that his day's activities would somehow
correlate with Buddy's bookstore adventure. Shortly after school during
wrestling practice, Toby had his first orgasm and it not only embarrassed
him, it scared him half to death. He had wrestled Jimmy Shriver many times
and had always pinned him. But on this day, Jimmy topped Toby and straddled
Toby's hips trying to force Toby's hands to the floor over his head. Both
boys crotches began to rub together through the thin lycra. Getting an
erection was common among wrestlers and Toby, being in a vulnerable position
on his back, became aware of Jimmy's hard-on grinding into his own
and, during the forceful struggle, Toby felt a new tingling sensation in
his loins and he thought he was passing out. Instead, he felt a warm liquid
covering his scrotum and he knew for sure he had peed on himself. Jimmy
felt himself getting wet from Toby's private area and suddenly let loose of
Toby's arms and jumped up.

	"You stupid shit! You peed on me!" Jimmy yelled.

	"I did not!" Toby screamed back.

	"Did too! Look at yourself!"

	Toby didn't want to, but he lowered his hand to feel his wet tights
only his urine was sticky and when he lifted his hand, there was a long
string connected from his crotch to his finger, like saliva. Toby was
convinced that something bad had happened. He remembered when another
student wrestler, Paul Burke, had gotten a hernia during practice and had
to have surgery. Toby was more frightened than ever and began to cry. The
coach in charge of wrestling, Ray Thompson, came running over to assess the
situation. No student wrestler ever cried unless it was something serious.

	"Hey, hey, guys!" Ray called out, rushing to the boys, "what's
going on here?"

	"Look at Toby, Coach!" Jimmy said, loud enough for the rest of the
twelve wrestlers to hear and come running over to see for themselves. "He
peed all over himself and me, too!"

	Toby had placed both hands over his private parts and tried to hide
them. He was mortified and began to cry louder.

	"Toby!" Ray said, "are you hurt? Did you pull a muscle or did you
feel anything snap?"

	Toby was crying too hard to answer verbally, but he shook his head
'no'.

	"Can you stand up? Come on and try, but if you feel any pain, just
lie back down."

	Ray put one hand behind Toby's head and began to lift him. Toby
kept crying but not from pain. He closed his eyes as he couldn't face any
of his team members...a couple of which had already caught on what had
happened and began to giggle. The same thing had happened to them weeks or
months ago... and it was still happening to them, only now they were
enjoying it.

	Slowly, Toby rose to his feet, eyes shut tightly, as Ray guided him
by the hand into his office. Calling back to the other boys, Ray told them
to continue practice but 'carefully'. He also told Jimmy to go hop into the
shower WITH his wrestling uniform and to be sure to soap the wet
spot. After that, Ray shut his door and took Toby's remaining hand away
from his wet spot. It only took a slight glance to see that there was no
runny urine but an inaugural splotch of seminal emission.

	"Toby, has this ever happened to you before?" Ray asked.

	"No, sir."

	"You DO know what just happened, don't you?"

	"Not really..."

	"Has your dad or either of your brothers ever explained the changes
you'll go through with puberty?"

	"No, but I did hear my brother, Marc, talking about some stuff with
his girlfriend."

	"What did they say?"

	"Well, Sandy--that's Marc's girlfriend--was talking about it being
her 'time of the month'..."

	"Did you know what she meant?"

	"No...something about her bleeding...down there...every
twenty-eight days. Is that part of puberty?"

	"Yes, it is, for a girl..."

	"Then...what I just did...was that the start of my 'time of the
month'? I didn't bleed, but I didn't pee either."

	Ray chuckled to himself to keep from laughing out loud. "No,
no. Toby, but I have to say I'm a little bit amazed that no one in your
family has ever talked directly with you about such matters."

	"Then what happened to me? Am I sick or something?"

	"No, Toby, as a matter of fact, I'd say you're healthy, perhaps too
much so for a boy your age. You had what is called an orgasm."

	Toby looked up in confusion and asked "A..a what?"

	"An orgasm...it's normal and it's healthy although I suppose I'm
like your father, I don't expect boys your age to have an orgasm before
they're thirteen or fourteen. You just rushed things a bit."

	"What caused it...and will it happen again?"

	"It'll happen thousands of times during your life."

	"You mean, my dad...Marc and Buddy...all...?"

	"Yes, everyone of them...me, too, although I'm not supposed to say
that."

	"Why?"

	"There are certain antiquated rules in the school system. Teachers
are prohibited from talking with kids about sex education unless we have
written permission from your parents."

	"You mean...I just had...sex? WITH JIMMY???" Once again, Toby was
horrified.

	"Toby, I can see you have lots of questions...questions which I'm
not allowed to answer. Would you like me to call your dad or maybe even
Buddy to explain things to you?"

	"No, don't do that! I'll...I'll ask Buddy about it tonight. I don't
want my dad to know what I did with Jimmy. He'd be upset, but my mother!
She'd have a fit!"

	"All right, Toby, but do you promise you'll talk with Buddy
tonight?"

	"Yes, sir."

	"OK, but let me reassure you that what happened was quite natural
and you did nothing wrong. Once Buddy talks with you, I don't think you'll
be quite so embarrassed if it ever happens again...say, in wrestling
practice, anyway."

	Toby was only halfway convinced, but he took the coach's word for
it...for now. "All right, Coach."

	"Now why don't you go shower and wash your uniform while you're at
it."

	Reluctantly, Toby left Ray's office and headed toward the showers,
avoiding the stares of his team mates at all cost. Jimmy was still
scrubbing the semen stain on his uniform in the shower when Toby joined
him.

	"Don't come near me!" Jimmy warned.

	"I'm sorry, Jimmy, honest!"

	"Do you know what you just did in front of everybody?"

	"The coach tried to explain it to me."

	"You fuckin' came on me, you pervert!"

	"Coach said I had an orgasm...and it was normal."

	"Yeah, maybe it's normal if you do it with girls...but not guys!
That's what queers do!"

	If Jimmy had said one more remark, Toby would have burst into
tears. What seemed 'right' with Coach Thompson a few minutes earlier was
now 'ugly' with his wrestling mate, Jimmy. Toby turned away and went to the
far side of the huge shower room and turned on the hot faucet, twenty feet
away from Jimmy, and began to soap his uniform. Toby knew that he could
talk to Buddy about most anything, but sex? That could be rather
awkward. He knew he couldn't talk with his dad and definitely not with Marc
because Marc would make a joke of the incident and laugh rollickingly at
his naiveté. Later, when Lisa picked him up, Toby had nothing to say to his
mother all the way home.

	Lisa knew something was wrong, but she respected Toby's privacy,
knowing he would tell her when he was ready. She had dropped Amy off at her
house on the way to Toby's school. The back seat of her car was filled with
boxes and bags from Macy's and Saks after a full day of clothes
shopping. Lisa was pleased with her purchases and knew that she would
'knock 'em dead' at the class reunion, as she still wore the same size six
dress as she had twenty-five years ago. With all the reports of obesity
she'd heard on Oprah and Peter Jennings News, she would bet very few would
look as fit, young, and trim as she.

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	Ted had had a successful day at his office. By noon, he'd closed on
two houses, a warehouse, and had taken a client to Brenner's Mall to look
at a huge commercial building. He was aware that Lisa had gone shopping
with Amy and laughed to himself, thinking if his wife knew how much money
he'd made that morning, she'd have bought the complete clothing store. He
was ready to go to lunch by himself when Sarah, his secretary told him that
he had a long distance call.

	"Hello?" Ted answered.

	"Ted?" said the voice.

	"Yes?"

	"How you doin', buddy?"

	"I'm fine...who is this?"

	"This is Rex..."

	"Rex? Rex Hastings?" Ted asked, almost hoping not to hear the
reply.

	"How many Rex's do you know? Of course it's me."

	"Rex! It's so good to hear from you..."

	"I was calling to see if you were going to the class reunion..."

	"Well...Lisa DID say something about it. We've made no definite
plans," Ted lied.

	"I'm hoping you'll be there. It's been a long time since we saw one
another."

	"Yes, it has..."

	"I could almost say, 'too long', Ted."

	"I...I guess I thought we'd never see each other again..."

	"You DO want to see me, don't you?"

	"Well...yes...I suppose."

	"We had something special in the old days. Don't you remember?"

	"Oh, Rex, that was so many years ago. That's blood under the bridge
as far as I'm concerned. What happened between us was merely an adolescent
fling...something I got over and completely forgot about, once I got to
college."

	"There's an old adage that says, 'you never forget your first
love'."

	"Yes, Rex, but..."

	"I WAS your first love, wasn't I?"

	"First love is, or was, 'puppy' love, nothing more."

	"Ted, the nights we spent together at my house, and at yours, were
more than just a display of 'puppy' love."

	"Yes, but...but when I became a man, I put all those wild ideas out
of my head. I married Lisa, as you well know, and we have three fine sons."

	"Do any of them look like me?"

	"What do you mean, Rex? You never went out with Lisa, so far as I
know."

	"I wasn't talking about Lisa, dummy! I was referring to all the
babies I made inside you."

	"Rex, I...I really don't want to talk about this. I have a luncheon
appointment for which I'm already late...so it was nice hearing from you
after all these years...and maybe we can talk again, real soon."

	"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You can't shrug me off like that, not after what
we meant to each other."

	"I'm afraid I can...so goodbye, Rex."

	"I hope to see you at the reunion."

	"Don't count on it!"

	Ted set the phone down and found himself shaking all over from
nerves. Why, after all these years, had Rex called? Surely, Rex had no
hopes of meeting up again, did he? Ted had heard while he was in college
that Rex had married after he graduated from Emory and was living in
Atlanta. Ted cursed himself for not asking where Rex was now living AND if
he were still married and had any children, but the conversation had been
going awry and Ted had wanted to get off the phone as soon as possible.

	Still feeling shaken, Ted buzzed Sarah and asked if she would order
him a ham and cheese on wheat from the local deli and have it
delivered. DAMN! Why had Rex's call upset him so? Sure, the two of them had
been close during high school, perhaps TOO close, but that was so long ago
and Ted was confident that any feelings he'd had for Rex back then had
vanished with their past youth. Rex was the one and only man that Ted had
ever been with 'that' way...and that was over...finished...kaput! But then
why had Ted's heart rushed at the sound of Rex's voice?

	One thing was clear, Ted was definitely NOT going to the reunion,
he was sure. But Lisa might still have a thing or two to say about that...

<><><><><><><>

	The Foxhole looked dirty to Buddy. The air was filled with the
mothball aroma of urinal cakes and disinfectants. The bookstore consisted
of two large rooms. The outer room was filled with aisles and rows of porno
books, magazines, and movies, both VHS and DVD, for rent or for sale. There
were two revolving metal racks with greeting cards, both gay and
straight... also racks of t-shirts, leather vests and jeans. There were no
female customers, only males who looked up from their book-perusing long
enough to eye Buddy as a piece of fresh meat to a tribe of cannibals.

	Near the front door was the cash register behind a long glass case
full of dildos, lube creams, and an assortment of sex paraphernalia that
Buddy, in his wildest imagination, could not figure out what they were,
much less how they were used for.....doing what?

	Midway through the store was a large door with a sign which read,
'To the Movies' in very large print, then underneath in smaller letters
were posted two restrictions, 'You must be 18 years old to enter' and 'No
one is admitted without five dollars worth of tokens'. This was Buddy's
first time ever to visit such an establishment and he only had a small idea
what the tokens were for.

	So, without making eye contact with anyone else in the store, Buddy
walked up to the cashier with his driver's license in hand to prove he was
over eighteen and bought five bucks of tokens. The cashier was probably a
transvestite by night since his long hair was bleached almost white and he
had shaved his eyebrows, replacing them with a fine line drawn by a black
pencil of some kind. He was also wearing just a touch of blue mascara on
his eyelids which were outlined with a pencil as well. The cashier reeked
of a smothering aroma of Kmart perfume, strong enough to challenge the
urinal cake odor. Between the two fragrances, combined with his
nerves,Buddy almost threw up.

	The five dollars in tokens were rolled into a money wrapper with a
total of twenty quarter shaped coins inside. Buddy turned to go back to the
mysterious door which he was now entitled to open. He felt as if he was in
the scene of 'Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory', as Gene Wilder let
the kids enter 'Wonka Land'. He stepped into the second room which was
almost devoid of light. It took him almost a minute for his eyes to adjust
to the darkness.

	Buddy's nose was suddenly invaded with additional odors...urine was
the strongest. Next was the Clorox scent of semen with which he was very
familiar from his nightly, private ritual behind the closed door of his
bathroom. Buddy could see the silhouettes of men walking about. When his
vision was accustomed to the dark room, he saw nearly two dozen connected
cubicles cordoned off by 8x4' slabs of plywood. He also became aware of the
sounds of dozens of movie soundtracks with eerie music and grunts of porn
stars, reaching their climaxes. Not all the grunts were coming from the
nickelodeon movie machines, some of them were coming from live people,
grunting, moaning, and a few verbal cries of 'Oh, yeah...oh, yeah'.

	Buddy had to walk around two rows before he found a vacant booth
which was small enough to house two people plus a quarter moviola and a
1x9" board to sit on. He had no idea what he would see. He was sure it was
a porn movie, but there was no way of knowing whether the film was gay or
straight. He closed the door of the tiny stall, sat on the bench, and
leaned forward to place a token to begin the movie which fluttered a bit
before showing two naked young men in the middle of anal
intercourse. Apparently, the movie didn't always start at the beginning but
only where the last customer stopped watching.

	It took less than thirty seconds for Buddy to get sexually
aroused. The light from the video illuminated the booth and, in the next
minute, Buddy was shocked to see a real, erect, long penis protruding into
his territory through a hole in the side wall. It was less than two feet
from his head. Its owner knew how to make it bob or dance in front of
Buddy.

	Buddy realized that the entrance of the dick was an invitation for
him to touch it, suck it, play with it, or whatever he wanted to do with or
to it. He froze instantly, placing his hands AND mouth out of harm's
way. He didn't have the nerve to touch his first cock, even though no one
would ever know, nor would he ever know to whom it belonged. After letting
the sex organ dangle in front of his eyes for nearly three minutes, the
movie stopped and required an additional token to continue and his booth
was dark once more.

	Buddy carefully leaned forward to place another coin it the slot
and when it started again, the phantom menace had disappeared from the
'glory' hole. Buddy settled back to watch the next segment, keeping one eye
on the empty hole in the wall. Then he heard a whisper coming from the
hole..."If you don't want mine...let me have yours..."

	Now he was confronted with his second dilemma in less than five
minutes. Did he have to courage to poke his own organ through the opening?
His imagination ran wild...'This is my first chance of getting a blow
job... but what if some kind of psychotic slasher was in the next cubicle
and sliced off his penis with a knife or razor. That was a bit too scary
and he wanted to leave for his own safety. So, once again, he ignored the
stranger next door. There were no more whispered messages and Buddy relaxed
a little and watched his first male/male porno movie through three more
tokens without being disturbed again.

	Then horrors upon horrors occurred when Buddy received his THIRD
invitation, only this one was more bizarre. He heard the same voice again,
but this time, it said, "Fuck me..." Slowly, Buddy leaned toward the hole
to take a peek and couldn't believe his eyes. The stranger had bent over
and placed his butt cheeks against his side of the wall and was pressing
his anus next to the opening and an open asshole was all that was in
Buddy's view.

	By this time and after six short segments of the film, Buddy had
become extremely horny. He had refused to GIVE a blowjob, and next, turned
down his opportunity of receiving one...and yet, here was some guy now
offering Buddy his first fuck with no strings attached. He had waited years
for a chance such as this in his nightly fantasies and all he had to do was
stand up; insert himself into the willing anal opening and one of his
wildest dreams would come true.

	Buddy had already decided to at least jerk off before he left, but
this opportunistic allurement proved to be too much for him to pass up. He
stood up, unbuckled his trousers and let them drop to his mid-thighs and
nervously came closer to the 'hole' or 'holes' depending however he wanted
to describe it. He had no condom as he hadn't expected anything like this
to happen and perhaps, if he pulled out in time, he would be safe from
catching a disease.

	His penis penetrated the glory hole AND the stranger's anus almost
at the same time. Never had Buddy felt anything as stimulating and
exciting, especially when the stranger took the lead in the sexual act by
pulling away and pushing back again and again, creating a 'fucking'
motion. Buddy's fear subsided and was soon replaced with ecstasy. This
feeling outweighed any of Buddy's fantasies. He felt as if he was going
through the first stage of finally becoming a man...a gay man...but a man,
just the same.

	He could hear his partner uttering, "Yeah, man! That's good! That's
it! Fuck me hard!" which only encouraged Buddy to plow deeper into the
rectum to punish the guy next door for being so brazen to offer himself to
be fucked.

	Buddy sensed his oncoming cumming and pulled out, causing the
stranger to verbalize, "Ah shit! Why did you do that? I wanted to feel your
hot load inside me."

	Buddy wanted to climax, but he's done all he wanted to and could
finish when he got home. He quickly pulled up his briefs and pants,
fumbling with the zipper and his belt and ran out the door, leaving the
remaining coins on the wooden bench. Before he went outside into the
parking lot, he opened the back door slightly to see if anyone was watching
him as he made his fast getaway.

	He drove for almost twenty blocks before he began to settle
down. In his nervous haste he was driving back toward CU instead of the
opposite direction back to his house.

	"God, that was exciting," Buddy said out loud to
himself... "dangerous, but exciting."

	He pulled into his driveway twenty-five minutes later. Now came the
toughest part...how to act normally in front of his parents and brothers
without their becoming suspicious. There was no way any of his family would
ever suspect anything...but Buddy's inner guilt told him better.

<><><><><><><><>

	During dinner that evening, only Marc and Lisa were able to
converse freely as Ted, Toby, and Buddy were deep in thought concerning the
day's activities. Lisa was talking about the dresses she bought and no one
really cared, but were happy for her all the same. Marc kept interrupting
his mother with comments about his science project. Toby couldn't decide
whether or not to act sick in order to could go to bed early. Toby simply
HAD to ask Buddy his long list of questions, mostly about orgasms.

	Buddy also wanted to get to bed earlier, well, at least to his
room. He had had an erection ever since he left the bookstore and needed to
relieve his sexual tension soon and then spend the rest of the night
reliving what he had done, over and over.

	Ted had never said one cross word to Lisa in the twenty-plus years
of their marriage, but he kept wishing she would shut up about the clothes
she'd bought for the class reunion. Ted made a decision while driving home,
he was NOT going. He couldn't risk going and perhaps ruining his reputation
if Rex happened to get drunk and reveal details of the relationship they
had had during high school. Not only that, but Ted didn't want somehow to
find himself alone with Rex...things could be said or happen which he, Ted,
would regret.His most immediate problem was to break the news of 'not
going' to Lisa after she had refurbished her wardrobe. Ted was positive
that Lisa wouldn't go alone, but what kind of rat's ass excuse could he
give her?
	Only Marc agreed to try his mom's apple-cheesecake. The other three
men in the family had hardly eaten their meals. Marc, being the 'smart' one
in the family, knew that something was up with his dad, Toby, AND Buddy by
the expressions on their faces...but what? Lisa noticed their quiet
demeanor as well, but chose to ignore it...whatever it was that was
bothering them would go away by breakfast.

	Finally, Toby got up enough courage to say, "Mom? Dad? I...I'm not
feeling so well. Could I be excused and go to my room?"

	"Sure, son," Ted said, while at the same time, Lisa replied, "Of
course, dear. Are you running a fever?"

	"No, ma'am...I just got this funny sick feeling in my stomach."

	"Would you like some Pepto-Bismol?" Lisa asked.

	"Not right now,,,maybe later."

	Toby's faux illness gave Buddy a chance to exit as well. "Mom, why
don't I take him to his room and put him to bed. I...have an essay to write
anyway."

	"All right, but who's going to help with the dishes?"

	"I will," Marc said, almost as enthusiastically as if he'd won a
prize.

	Lisa looked at her husband and said, "Ted, darling, why don't you
go look in the cable guide and see what's on this evening?"

	"Huh? Oh...oh, I...I was thinking about driving back down to the
office for a little while. I...I have this young married couple coming in
to see me first thing tomorrow and I want to make sure I have just the
right houses to show them...if that's all right?" Ted seemed to ask her
permission the same as his boys.

	"Of course, dear, go on. It must be nice to see young people
picking out their first house. It's a very important decision in their
lives because if they find the right one, as we did, they'll want to stay
there always."

	"Thanks, honey. I won't be long," Ted said, getting up to leave.

	"Well, Mister Marc, I guess that just leaves you and me. You clear
the table while I go fill the sinks with hot water."

	Lisa and Marc went into the kitchen. Ted got in his car to go for a
drive. He had lied about going go his office. He just needed some time to
himself to find a way to break his news about the reunion. Buddy put his
hand on the back of Toby's head and the two of them walked up the stairs to
Toby's bedroom. Toby always loved it when Buddy touched him or whenever he
got a chance to be alone with his oldest brother.

	When they entered Toby's room, Buddy asked, "Sport, do you want me
to turn your TV on? Or would you rather play a video game? Or just go to
bed?"

	"I'm not that sick, Buddy. I was hoping that you would come up with
me because I really need to talk with you."

	"Is something wrong? Did something happen at school today you wanna
tell me about?"

	"Yeah, kinda...but I don't know how to say it."

	Buddy sat on Toby's bed and said, "Come here, tiger, sit by me and
let's see if you can tell me what's on your mind..."

	"Buddy?"

	"Yeah?"

	"Uh...could I ask you a huge favor?"

	"Sure, what is it?"

	"Could...could we lie down together and you hold me like you do
when I sneak into your bed?"

	"Hold you?"

	"You know...with my back next to you...and you wrap your arm around
me."

	"Well, I guess so...if that'll make you more comfortable."

	"It's just that what I have to say to you...I don't want to look at
you."

	"This sounds pretty serious. Whadja do, beat up another kid and get
expelled?"

	"Let's lie down first, okay?"

	"Okay." Buddy reclined back on the bed and Toby crawled over him to
get in his favorite spoon position next to his brother. "Is this what you
wanted?"

	"Yeah, only pull me back closer to you."

	The two had assumed this position only late at night, but never
while the lights were on. Buddy's imagination ran wild for a moment and
wondered if Toby got some kind of prepubescent sexual thrill from it. Buddy
became a bit cautious and didn't want this innocent action to lead to
something further...especially since Buddy was still sprouting the erection
he'd had all afternoon and evening. God, if Toby became aware of Buddy's
condition, it would be difficult for him to explain.

	"Is this better?"

	"Lots!"

	"Now, scooter, tell me what's on your mind."

	"Well, today in wrestling practice..."

	Without ever turning around to face Buddy in the eye, Toby spent
the next ten minutes giving Buddy a blow-by-blow description of everything
that happened to him earlier in the day...leaving out no details. It was a
good thing Toby couldn't see the smile of his big brother's face because
Buddy was not only mildly amused but he felt sorry for Toby. His dad had
never informed Buddy about the changes to expect during puberty, or about
the birds and the bees, so Buddy could easily empathize with Toby. Buddy
doubted if any parental sex education had ever been given to Marc either.

	When Toby finished his tale, he reluctantly asked Buddy, "Well,
what do you think?"

	Buddy doubled up his fist and rubbed it heartily into Toby's scalp,
thus 'skinnin' his noggin'' and said, "Little guy, is that all you're
worried about?"

	"Yeah, and it's a lot, too."

	"Well, let me set your mind at ease, little bro, what happened to
you is as normal as coughing or sneezing. You get something caught in your
throat or your nose gets stuffy and nature has its way of giving you a
built-in mechanism. If you have to pee...you don't hesitate from running to
the bathroom. Pee, snot, phlegm, fcrap...anything in your body that needs
to get out...well, you just know what to do. Semen or sperm...the stuff
that came out of you today is no different...when it needs to get out...if
you don't help it along...it'll come out by itself...usually at night when
you're asleep. Was today the first time you've ever noticed it?"

	"Yeah, and it scared me and embarrassed me at the same time."

	"Well, since you released it today, I don't think you'll have
another experience for a day or two until it builds back up in your
body. Not tonight, but maybe this weekend, I'll show you what to do so it
won't happen accidentally any more."

	"There's something I can do...?"

	"Yeah, but I don't want to get into it just yet. I still have my
essay to write...and I need to go to my room and be alone for a little
while."

	"Maybe later...can I come sleep with you?"

	"Sure, if you like, but if you see the light on from the crack at
the bottom of my door, always knock first. If my lights are out...just come
on in. I don't mind your sleeping with me."

	"Buddy?"

	"Yeah?"

	"Does...does what happened to me ever happen to you?"

	"All the time..."

	"What about Marc...?"

	"Marc and I have never talked about it the way you and I did just
now, but I'm sure it happens to him, too."

	"Buddy?"

	"Yeah?"

	"What about Dad?"

	"Dad will never admit it because he'll never talk about things like
this, but...yes, I'm sure it happens to him, too."

	"And Mom?"

	"No, girls don't go through puberty the same way men do and
vice-versa, but they have their own problems unlike boys."

	"You mean like, 'the time of the month'?"

	"Where did you hear about that?"

	"Sandy...she talked to Marc about it and I overheard her."

	"I'll tell you what! This weekend, why don't you, Marc, and I go
for a drive and pick up a pizza or something and find a private place for
the three of us to have a brother-to-brother talk?"

	"You won't tell Marc---or Mom and Dad--what I told you?"

	"Nope...what you say to me, stays with me."

	"Promise?"

	"Have I ever lied or broken a promise to you?"

	"No...I guess not!"

	"And I never will. Now, why don't you watch some TV or play a video
game until it's time to go to sleep...then you can come into my room and
I'll hold you. OK?"

	"Yeah, I'd like that."

	"Me, too."

	"Buddy, you know I love you, don't you?"

	"I never had a doubt, tiger! You're my little guy and you know I
love you too!"

	"Yeah, but I like hearing you say it."

	Buddy jumped up from Toby's bed and headed down the hall to his
room.  He felt if he didn't drop his load soon, his balls would burst. He
locked his door, stripped and lay down on his bed and masturbated two times
in a row without ever stopping to wipe himself. Mentally, he could still
feel the warmth of the stranger's anus when he entered it. This would be
his nightly fantasy for a long time...only this time the fantasy was for
real.

<><><><><><><>

	Ted decided to go to his office after all. He went through the
outer office without turning on a light until he entered his private domain
where he shut the door behind him. He walked over to his desk and turned on
his desk lamp which gave him just the amount of illumination to see how to
work the combination of his wall safe which he carefully opened. Way in the
back of the small chamber behind a pile of letters and private legal
documents, he retrieved a small box...a ring box. He looked at it a long
time before opening it. Finally, when he did, he saw a man's high school
class ring. Inside the band of the ring were two engraved initials, "R
H"...Rex Hastings. The box had been hidden for many years and Ted slowly
slid the ring on his finger. It still fit after twenty-five years. He
immediately wondered if Rex still had the ring he'd swapped with him on
graduation night.

	Ted couldn't deny it. He had been in love with Rex once...deeply
and totally in love...even more than he'd loved Lisa at that time. Maybe it
was puppy love or just a high school fling, but he and Rex had been in
love. Ted shuddered when he thought how he would feel if he were to go to
the reunion and gaze into Rex's eyes one more time?

<><><><><><><><><><>

(To be continued in "If Love Were All" chapter two.)