Date: Thu, 21 Oct 2004 03:30:42 EDT
From: RitchChristopher@cs.com
Subject: if-love-were-all-12

All rights reserved. Copyright held by the author. If you are underage or
are offended by gay fiction, containing graphic sex and explicit language,
please exit now.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>


                               IF LOVE WERE ALL

                                      by

                               Ritch Christopher


                          With literary enhancement by

                                  Les Martin



                                Chapter Twelve


                              "HAPPILY EVER AFTER"


                * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


	The lab reports for Buddy, Scott, and Clint came back to Dr. Alford
sooner than expected due to new technology which determined HIV positive
and negative results. When the doctor called Buddy, Buddy was already
prepared as much as possible for bad news...which exactly what Buddy
received. He was HIV positive, as was Scott, although Charles Alford got no
answer when he called the Parsons residence. As anticipated, Clint got a
negative result and his blood was totally free of the virus.

	Buddy's dad and mom were still in Schofield at the reunion and he
was a bit puzzled why neither of his parents had called home to inquire
about the boys or about the house in general. Scott had flown to Florida to
see his mom after Kathy left him suddenly with his two sons to visit her
parents. Marc and Toby had bonded for the first time, while Buddy and Clint
seemed to fall more in love every day.

	Buddy should have been more depressed with Dr. Alford's report of
impending doom, but Buddy took the message rather well, knowing that Clint
would take care of him and see him through, no matter what it took.

	George Walters had phoned his son, Clint, three times during the
week and was not at all surprised when Clint told his dad that he was
certain of his being gay and of the love relationship that had manifested
between Buddy and him. This made George very happy. Vivian, Clint's mom,
was also happy with her new Mercedes, which George figured was a small
price to pay for his son's happiness.

	Liz Sholler was still in Wichita with Sandy. Liz promised Sandy a
trip around the world if she would carry her baby to full term. Sandy was
easily bribed and agreed since Liz promised that she would adopt the child
and take care of it. To save face, Liz concocted a bogus story to her
sister, to her sister's husband, and to friends and neighbors in Wichita,
stating that Sandy had hurriedly married a marine who was later killed in
Iraq after he and Sandy had only spent one night together, that one night
leaving Sandy pregnant.

	Burt Sholler was having the time of his life with Liz gone for a
while, or perhaps permanently. He had developed a social life for
himself...something different every night...bowling one night, Texas Hold
`em poker at his house once a week, one night a week at the movies,
barhopping on the weekend, and one or two nights per week at The Foxhole
where he indulged himself in male/male sex. He couldn't have been happier
with his new freedom!

	Having learned that Buddy and Scott were HIV positive, Charles
Alford decided he should test his son, Seth, to be on the safe side. As far
as Charles knew, Seth was still virgin, in spite of Seth's insistence that
he was gay, which was a borderline oxymoron. One could possibly have gay
tendencies, but with never having had sex with a partner, how could Seth
know that he was actually gay? Although Seth was slightly disappointed at
having to accept the fact that he would never have sex with Buddy, he was
delighted at Buddy and Clint's new relationship and, since Lulu had
interfered with both Buddy and Clint's lives, Seth wasn't quite through
with his acts of vengeance, especially as we consider the morning that a
certain letter arrived addressed to Velma Drummond, Lulu's mother.

	Velma met the postman at her door as he was making his
always-prompt 9:00 AM delivery. The postman had his usual morning chat with
Velma and gave her a large handful of mail. After he left, Velma riffled
through various envelopes, mostly bills and ads, but one piece of mail
caught her attention. It was hand-addressed to her and the return address
read, 'PFLAG, 2030 Canon Street, Holyfield, Massachusetts'.

	'What on earth is that?' she asked herself. 'Probably some
organization begging for money!' She almost threw it into the trash, but it
was not a printed label, someone had taken time to write her name and
address in ink. So Velma opened it and read it. She was only able to read
the first two paragraphs before her hand started to tremble. She felt her
blood pressure rising in anger and surprise...and then she shouted...

	"LOUISE!...LOUISE, COME DOWN HERE THIS INSTANT!"

	There was no stir coming from Lulu's room and Velma called to her,
louder.

	"LOUISE ANN DRUMMOND! DID YOU HEAR ME? I SAID COME HERE NOW!"

	Finally Lulu opened her door and came downstairs to the kitchen.

	"Mama, for heaven's sake, what is it?"

	"YOU TELL ME WHAT IT IS, YOUNG MISS!"

	"What, Mama? I don't know what you're talking about!"

	"THIS! THIS FILTH! That's what I'm talking about!"

	"Mama, I..."

	"Here! You read it and you tell me what it's all about."

	Lulu took the letter from her mom and began to read. Her eyes got
wider with each new sentence. Lulu could not believe what she was
seeing. When she finished, she looked at her mom, totally speechless.

	"Mama..."

	"Are you ready to tell me why you turned in my name to that lesbian
organization...and why they're inviting me to join?"

	"Mama, surely you don't think that I...?"

	"I don't know what to think. You apparently have been living a
secret life which I know nothing about!"

	"Mama, you know I've been going steady with Clint for years."

	"Yes, and you broke up with him and called him a 'cocksucker'! I
couldn't believe you called him that until I went to the Safeway
Supermarket and saw Clint and Buddy Browne holding hands while they went up
and down the aisles, shopping for groceries!"

	"They what?"

	"I saw on Oprah how gays and lesbians cover for one another,
pretending to be boyfriend and girlfriend, or husband and wife. Is that
what's been going on? Clint has been covering for you...and you've been
covering for him? There's a name for girls and women like you. Oprah called
them, 'beards'!"

	"Mama..."

	"Are you ready to tell me how long you've been a DYKE? Do you have
a girlfriend and who is she?"

	"Mama, I..."

	"SHUT UP! YOU LABIA LAPPER! I don't want to hear a word you have to
say! My own daughter...Good Lord! The things you must do disgust me!"

	"Mama, I don't..."

	"I TOLD YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND I MEAN IT! I'll fix you, young
lady! I'm going to call Dr. Weissman, my therapist, and arrange an
appointment for you! Let's see if we can straighten you out before it's too
late...although, according to Oprah, it's probably already too late!"

	"Mama..."

	"Maybe a month or two in the mental hospital might give you a
chance to change your wicked ways!"

	"BUT, MAMA...!"

	"One more word from you and I'll sign the papers to have you
committed right now! MY GOD, LOUISE! Do you actually put your head between
another girl's knees?"

	"No, Mama, I don't!"

	"Don't try to deny it! If that P Flug society knows about you, then
half of Holyfield knows as well...except ME, your mother! I'm the last one
to find out!"

	"Mama, please, listen to me..."

	"You sit in that chair and don't move while I call Dr. Weissman. I
hope he can see you today and get you started on that...that Haldol or
Thorazine... whatever they give mentally ill patients in the psycho ward!"

	Lulu slumped into a kitchen chair and awaited her imminent
execution. Before Thelma left the room, she gave Lulu one final look and
exclaimed, "PUSSY SUCKER! Oh, dear God, what did I do for you to inflict
such a punishment on me?"


<><><><><><><><><><><>

	Clint had an afternoon class. Marc and Toby were at school, leaving
Buddy home alone to ponder his fickle-finger-physical fate. Earlier that
morning, Clint had driven Buddy to Dr. Alford's to get his medicine and
diet regimen to combat the HIV. Buddy looked at nearly twenty different
bottles of pills...all to be swallowed at different times in many different
combinations. Clint had written down the names and prescribed dosages of
each as per Dr. Alford's instructions. Charles Alford was very impressed by
Clint's eager ability to assume the role of Buddy's caregiver. Charles
wished that if the day ever arrived that Seth became sick, he would have
someone like Clint to love him and look after him. Buddy was willing to
follow Dr. Alford's orders, but deep inside, Buddy felt that it wasn't the
drugs, but rather Clint's love that would make him better.

	Toby came in the front door and became bug-eyed when he saw all the
pill bottles on the table in front of Buddy.

	"Hi, scout!" Buddy greeted Toby. "Why don't you come over here and
give me a big hug? I could use a 'Toby' hug!"

	Toby ran to put his arms around Buddy's neck. This was the first
time they had embraced since Clint moved in...and Toby had missed the
physical display of affection. He hugged Buddy for a rather long time and
finally turned around to look at the drug-filled table.

	"WOW! Are all those yours?" Toby asked.

	"I'm afraid so, Tobe!"

	"Boy, you must really be sick!"

	"Not THAT sick..."

	"It's that HIV stuff, isn't it?"

	"How do you know about that?"

	"I'm not deaf! I heard you talking with Clint about it...and I also
heard you talking on the phone with Dr. Alford."

	"You must've been pretty busy, keeping tabs on me!"

	"Buddy?"

	"Yeah?"

	"Are you gonna die?"

	"Some day...but not soon. You know that everyone eventually dies,
don't you?"

	"Yeah, when they're seventy or eighty years old...but with that HIV
stuff, lots of guys your age die right away."

	"Well, don't worry, Tobe, that's not going to happen to me."

	"That's why Clint's here, isn't it?"

	"Yes, partly..."

	"He's gonna make you all better...?"

	"He sure is!"

	"Then I'm glad he's here."

	"Me, too, Tobe."

	"You love Clint, don't you?"

	"Yes, I do."

	"More than me?"

	"Of course not! Don't be silly! You're the number one man in my
life!"

	"I...I don't get to come into your room at night like I used to."

	"You can, tonight, if you want to..."

	"What about Clint? Won't he be there, too?"

	"I suppose."

	"Won't he get jealous?"

	"Toby, Clint and I...well, Clint and I are almost like the same
person now. If you want me to hold you...then I want you to feel safe if
Clint holds you."

	"You think he would?"

	"Clint knows how much I love you...and if I love you, he does,
too!"

	"Then it's all right if I love Clint a little?"

	"You can love him a whole lot if you want, Tobe."

	"Does Dad and Mom know that you're sick?"

	"No, just you and Clint do...and, of course, Dr. Alford. I didn't
want to phone them in Schofield and ruin their trip. They'll be home late
Sunday night and I'll break the news to them gently."

	"Mom's gonna be mad at you, isn't she?"

	"You know Mom! I suppose she will!"

	"I thought she was dead when she fainted after hearing that you
were gay."

	"The same thought occurred to me, Tobe."

	"I bet she'll try to kick you out of the house...but I also bet Dad
won't let her."

	"I guess I'll have to cross that bridge Sunday night."

	"Would you move away somewhere with Clint?"

	"Only if it's the last resort. You know I couldn't leave you!"

	"Then would you and Clint take me with you?"

	"We'll see. Of course if Mom catches you alone doing you-know-what
again, you just might HAVE to come with Clint and me."

	"Boy, if she DOES kick you out, I'll make sure I do it where she
can really see me! Then I WILL have to come with you and Clint!"

	"You've got it all worked out, have you?"

	"I've been thinking about it a lot, Buddy!"

	"You mean you'd leave Marc here all by himself with Mom and Dad?"

	"Nah, Marc wants to run away and join the navy when he's old
enough."

	"Marc told you that?"

	"Yeah, he wants to become a marine biologist or oceanographer or
something."

	"Wow, Marc seems to be telling you things that he would never tell
me or Dad. Are you and Marc getting into some special brotherly
relationship?"

	"I don't think so. He don't hold me like you do."

	"You've been going into Marc's room instead of mine?"

	"Yeah, but it's not the same. Marc holds me like I was a
surfboard...like I wasn't human!"

	"Marc's not one to show a lot of affection to anyone."

	"I know a secret about Marc."

	"Tell!"

	"Marc doesn't think I know, but sometimes when I scrunch into him,
the way I do you, I can feel he has a boner...only he tries to hide it!"

	"What do you mean, Tobe?"

	"I peeked in on him one night before I went into his room and he
put on two pairs of shorts and a jockstrap to keep me from feeling his
boner pushing into my backside."

	"Why, that little devil!"

	"I think he's gay, but he doesn't want anyone to know it."

	"Oh, I don't think so, Toby!"

	"Then why would he get a boner?"

	"That DOES seem strange. He...he doesn't try to touch you, does
he?"

	"Heck, no! I'd clobber him in the chops if he did!"

	"That's what I thought!"

	"You won't tell him, will you?"

	"I've never told anyone our little secrets."

	"Me either. Can I tell you MY secret?"

	"You know you can..."

	"Well, last week and this week, with Mom being gone...I kinda
wished she'd never come back."

	"Toby, you mustn't say things like that!"

	"I can't help it! I mean I liked being able to jerk off when I feel
like it without her catching me. When she comes back Sunday, I'll have to
hide in my closet or lock the bathroom door. Otherwise, she'll punish me
every time she gets the chance."

	"I think all the guys in the house spends a lot of time behind the
locked bathroom door."

	"Dad, too?"

	"Yep. Dad, too!"

	Buddy gave Toby another big squeeze just as Clint came in from
school.

	"Hi, babe," Clint greeted Buddy and then looked at Toby and said,
"Hey, big guy! When are you gonna start giving me one of those?"

	"What?"

	"I think Buddy calls it a 'Toby' hug..."

	"You want me to hug you?"

	"I'd like nothing better...if you're willing..."

	Buddy whispered into Toby's ear. "Go to him! Show Clint what it
feels like!"

	Toby jumped down from Buddy's lap and ran to Clint who picked him
up and whirled him around. This action brought a huge smile to Toby's face
and he hugged Clint harder. Clint kissed Toby on the cheek as his and
Buddy's eyes met in solidarity.

	"Man, you weigh a ton!" Clint said, holding Toby up in his arms.

	"Clint?"

	"Yeah?"

	"Buddy said he thought you loved me a little..."

	"Oh, he did, did he? Now why do you think he said that?"

	"When I asked him if I could love YOU a little..."

	"Did Buddy say, 'yes'?"

	"Uh huh..."

	"Then I guess we'd both better do as Buddy says."

	"OK!"

	Clint gave Toby a humongous squeeze and Toby leaned forward to kiss
Clint's cheek. Seeing this brought a big lump to Buddy's throat while Clint
winked at Buddy.

	"Toby, Buddy said that you usually come into his room at night to
be held."

	"I used to."

	"Then why haven't you come to see him since I've been here?"

	"I don't know."

	"So, why don't you come in tonight and get between us and Buddy and
I will both hold you?"

	"I will!"

	"Promise?"

	"I promise!"

	Buddy got up from the table and embraced both Toby and Clint in a
family threesome.

	'God! It's great to be alive!' Buddy said to himself.


<><><><><><><><><><><><><>


	Ted and Rex's planned first night together was ruined by a
half-drugged Lisa who came in unexpectedly into Ted's room and caught both
men naked, locked in an embrace. Ted was so humiliated that he couldn't
have made love to Rex after Lisa's sudden entry. None of the three said
anything while Rex gathered his clothes from the bed and floor and donned
just enough to be presentable returning to his suite on the seventh floor.

	Lisa's rude awakening had sobered her up quickly from the large
dose of pills she'd taken before going to bed. She was surprised, shocked,
and hurt but was determined not to shed a tear as she sat on the bed in her
own bedroom after slamming the door.

	Ted put on his pants, though sans underwear, his shirt, and shoes
without socks and went to the connecting door and tapped it quietly with
his knuckles.

	"Go away!" Lisa yelled at Ted.

	"Lisa, please let me in, we need to talk."

	"What about? A picture says a thousand words, and I just saw
Webster's Unabridged Dictionary!"

	The door wasn't locked and Ted's effrontery gave him the courage to
enter Lisa's room.

	"I think you'd better leave, Ted."

	"Not until we talk first...then I'll go. I realize how shocking
that must have seemed to you..."

	"Like a bolt of lightening!"

	"I'm sorry but there are a few things I HAVE to say."

	"Go on, whatever you say will just be things I will repeat in the
divorce court!"

	"You see, Lisa, before you...there was Rex in my life."

	"Was?"

	"Yes, 'was'. Rex and I were teenagers...best friends. He and I went
everywhere together...wore the same clothes, had our hair cut in the same
way, liked the same food, went everywhere together, and like most teen
boys, we did our share of experimenting in the bedroom. Back in junior high
and high school, no guy ever had sex with a girl unless she was a whore. In
those days, our raging hormones, our testosterone sometimes made it
difficult for a guy to even walk. So we played around...all the guys did
and it was our way of releasing our sexual frustration. Today, kids are
having sex by the time they're twelve or even younger...or at least that's
what I learned about our boys in the past week. I never knew that. I just
assumed they went around as horny as Rex and I were."

	"There you go again, calling them 'our' boys!"

	"They are, Lisa, yours and mine!"

	"Ted, I told you in the hospital that I didn't care if I ever saw
any of the three of them again."

	"You didn't mean that!"

	"Wanna bet?"

	"You could just walk out of their lives without an explanation,
with no regrets?"

	"Not a one."

	"Then you were serious when you mentioned 'divorce court' a few
seconds ago?"

	"As serious as my nervous breakdown! Ted, I've had it...with you,
ESPECIALLY NOW, after seeing what I just saw...with Toby and his nasty
little habit...with Marc and his pot and sexual excursions getting his
girlfriend pregnant...and last but certainly not least...YOUR gay son! I
wondered how he could be like that, but that all became apparent when I saw
you and Rex together. I'm sure that you're aware that you made Buddy
queer!"

	"Then what do you want to do? You want the house? I presume you
don't want any of the boys..."

	"You presume correctly, Sherlock! And 'no', I don't want that
damned house! I'm sick of it...cleaning all day, shampooing the carpets,
polishing the windows and mirrors, picking up clothes left scattered by the
four of you. I hate doing housework. I'm sick of it...just as I'm sick of
you, Toby, Marc, and Buddy! SICK! SICK! SICK!"

	"If you don't want the house, where will you go?"

	"While I was in the hospital, I thought about going to Las Vegas
and becoming a hooker!"

	"Jesus, Lisa! With your background and attitude? You'd faint the
first time you saw a man's penis up close!"

	"Who says I have to look at a man's penis. There are lesbian
hookers!"

	"God! You'd never go to bed with another woman to have sex!"

	"Better a cunt than a cock!"

	"Good God! Listen to yourself. You're sicker than I imagined...I've
never heard you use words like that...EVER!"

	"I know lots of them...I even alphabetized a whole list one
time...'A' for asshole, 'B' for bitch or bastard, 'C' for cocksucker, 'D'
for dildo, 'E' for..."

	"All right, stop it! I don't care to hear the entire list. I think
I know them all, too!"

	"Ted, I'd like to know how it feels to put another man's prick in
your mouth?"

	"I guess you would, Lisa. You never tried to find out the whole
twenty-five years we've been married."

	"I never wanted YOURS, if that's what you're suggesting!"
	"Why not, I'd like to know...?"

	"Yours is so huge...so oily looking with those big veins popping
out on both sides."

	"I never thought you'd noticed what it looked like."

	"Oh, I caught a few glimpses while I was trying to decide if I
wanted you to put it inside me to have children. HA! That was a mistake!
That was THREE mistakes!"

	"So do you want to stay for the rest of the week and attend the
reunion as we had planned?"

	"Of course I do! I might get lucky, just as you did, and find one
or two of MY old boyfriends...JUST AS YOU DID!"

	"Perhaps it would make you feel better if I said, 'I'm sorry', but
I won't because I'm not!"

	"MY! MY! Where did you suddenly find your red badge of courage?"

	"I began getting it last week when you made the boys so miserable
with your 'holier than thou' posture. I saw how I've neglected being their
father. Then I began to realize that theirs weren't the only lives you made
intolerable!"

	"Meaning 'yours'?"

	"Yes, mine! Lisa, behind your prima donna, pristine, 'President of
the PTA' facade, you're really a bitch! A conceited, conniving, collusive,
calculating cunt!"

	"I'm impressed by your illiterate literation."

	"If you like, I'll stay on and be your escort at the reunion and
the dance, but the following day, I'll pay for your ticket to any place in
the world you wish to go. Call me when you find a place to live and I'll
pay the rent and have anything and everything you want from the house
shipped to you."

	"Oh, I intend to get all that and much more. From now on, Ted,
you're working for me! Every dime of profit you make in your piddly
business goes into my private bank account. No judge in the world would
deny me anything, being married to a cocksucker!"

	"What about a mother who deserts her children? You might have
trouble explaining that to a judge!"

	"Not when I explain how totally perverted they all are."

	"THAT, Miss Bitch, we'll just have to see about!"

	"Go on, Ted! Get out of here! Go blow your boyfriend! I'm sure he's
got his dick all hard and waiting for you!"

	"I hope so, Lisa! I really hope so!"

	"So go suck it! I want to take my pills and go back to sleep. I'm
tired of arguing and I'm tired of you!"

	"Good night, Lisa, sleep tight!"

	"If I'm not here in the morning, don't look for me! You can see
where I used the credit card last if you want to contact me...then from my
lawyer!"

	"Is there anything at all you'd like me to tell the boys?"

	"Tell them NOT to get married. Teach them all how to suck cocks and
be gay! That's the way of the world in the twenty-first century...be gay
and lesbian and vote with the liberal Democrats and change the world into
Sodom and Gomorrah. Me? I'm going to vote for George Bush."

	"Good bye, Lisa..."

	Ted left her room to go to Rex on the seventh floor of the Beekman
Hotel.


           * * * * * * THREE MONTHS LATER * * * * * *


	"Hey, lover!" Ted said to Rex over the phone.

	"Hey, lover!" Rex replied. "Did you get Buddy and Clint enrolled in
NYU?"

	"Like a breeze, all of their credits transferred without a hitch!"

	"What did Dr. Benson say about Buddy when he examined him this
morning?"

	"He's in great shape. His 't-cells' are high as the Empire State
Building!"

	"Speaking of that, what did Toby think of the big buildings?"

	"He hasn't stopped talking about it since Marc brought him back
home! The two of them are closer than pages in a lexicon."

	"Looks like we finally did something right in our middle age."

	"It took long enough! Hey, are you going to be late for dinner?"

	"It depends on what's on the menu!"

	"Roast beef, new potatoes, carrots, broccoli, and me!"

	"I think I'll skip the entrée and go for the dessert!"

	"How do you like being a house-husband?"

	"It's not bad for six months a year,and then it becomes YOUR turn
to be house-husband to me!"

	"Still no word from Lisa?"

	"Nada! I know she's all right--only the good die young. Lisa will
outlive all of us!"

	"Well, as long as you're not paying her bills. What can I say?"

	"How about that you love me and it's my turn to make love to you
tonight?"

	"The answer is 'yes' on both counts."

	"Rex, this morning as you were leaving for work, I thought I heard
Toby at the front door saying, 'Bye, Dad! Have a good day at work!' Did he
actually say that or was I dreaming?"

	"Well, he sure as hell couldn't say, 'Bye, Mom', could he?"

	"But he DID say, 'Dad'?"

	"You heard right. I choked up so bad, I almost burst into tears. No
one has said that to me since my Brad and Kato."

	"I...I guess we've become a regular family...all six of us!"

	"A twenty-first century All-American Family!"

	"Rex, I love you so much!"

	"And I love you just as much, my love!"

	"I'm happy. Toby is in his seventh heaven! Buddy and Clint are
still like two newly-weds, and Marc? Marc has a new girlfriend at school. I
think her name is Rob. I pray to God it's short for Roberta or Robin!"

	"Ha! There's got to be at least one straight man in every act! Oh,
by the way, Buddy is still wanting to pee every time I get into the
shower."

	"I can't blame him since I often do the same thing. I'll talk to
Clint about it!"

	"Clint's trying to crowd around the toilet while Buddy is trying to
gawk at me. I think I even saw Clint trying to sneak a peek!"

	"I think it's only idle curiosity when a young guy wants to see his
dad naked. They both love you, as does Toby and Marc. It was so great of
you to get Marc his part-time job at the Biology Museum."

	"That kid of ours is going to be a scientist and you know it!"

	"I like what you just said...that kid of 'ours'."

	"Well, he is our's, isn't he? All four of 'em are ours."

	"Gotta go! The oven just dinged!"

	"See you later!"

	"Don't be late!"

	"I won't...ever again!" Ted hung up the phone, glowing.


<><><><><><><><><><><>

	Feeling like the poor boy outside a candy store or the orphan kid
looking inside the window of a pet store at the puppies could almost
capture how Scott felt as he parked half a block from his house to get a
glimpse of Bobby and Skip, perhaps for the very last time. Scott was
depressed and looked bedraggled and bewildered because everything in life
he had or wanted was now gone, unable to be his any longer. Kathy had sole
custody of his two boys. He had no job and what savings he had in the bank
was being doled out monthly for alimony and child support. Scott hadn't
taken his HIV medication since leaving Clay in New York and he was certain
that his HIV had gone into AIDS by now.

	He had shared a few weeks of happiness with his old buddy and
one-time teen lover, Clay Lawson, in the Big Apple only long enough to see
Clay reunited with his lover, Dave Banks, the now famous jazz
saxophonist. He left Clay with only a letter and no hint as to where he was
going or what his plans were. There was absolutely nothing left for Scott
to live for. All roads for him seemed to lead to suicide...it was only a
matter of choosing his method or weapon...pills, auto accident, wasting
away with his disease---those were three options. But he wanted to see his
two sons one last time. There was little or no hope that Kathy would allow
him a few minutes with the boys...so a simple glance from his car nearly
half a block away from his old house was all he could hope to get.

	Skip and Bobby seemed to have grown six inches in the past few
months. To Scott, seeing them was like Christmas and his best birthday
party down in Florida all rolled into one. His inner self yearned to the
point of breaking his heart, just to have them speak and say, 'Hi, Dad',
one last time, but this was not to be. One long last look was all he
had. The boys got into the car with Kathy and drove away, probably to the
supermarket or maybe even a McDonald's.

	When they had gone, Scott slowly drove by his house while thoughts
of the years of unhappiness he had spent there with Kathy and the mountains
of joy he had had with his sons...then, he, too, sped away in frightened
flight trying to resolve that fact that 'tonight was probably the
night'. He traveled through Holyfield and, even though it was miles away,
in his mind he could hear the sound of show music which he had arranged for
CU's marching band. Although he hadn't seen or heard from Buddy since he
left to go to Florida, Scott could only hope that Buddy was all right and
was getting better from his HIV.

	Tears were falling involuntarily down Scott's gaunt cheeks, filling
new lines and crevices brought on by his illness and not taking care of
himself. If only he had a friend or someone who would listen to his final
deposition of thoughts, but there was no one left until he passed Andy
Panda's. Maybe Fred would be inside, sitting at the third barstool from the
left...maybe Fred was the last person he would ever see. And so he pulled
his car into the lounge's parking lot and went inside.

	Even if Sally was there, he could tolerate her long enough to see a
familiar face, but Sally was nowhere to be seen. Another man was sitting
where Fred usually sat and, out of habit, Scott went to sit beside him. The
new bar patron looked a lot like Fred only cleaner, better dressed, and
well coiffed. The bartender came over to take Scott's order for a double
scotch and the stranger sitting on Fred's barstool spoke to him.

	"John?"

	Scott recognized the voice and turned to see that it was actually a
reformation of the old Fred.

	"Fred?"

	"Yeah, buddy. You look like shit. What the fuck happened to you?"

	"I hardly recognized you either! What the fuck happened to YOU?"

	"It's the new me. I decided that whatever or whoever I wanted to
meet would never look at the old me the way I wanted him to. So I put on a
few pounds, bought me some new clothes, had my hair done over. I still
haven't met 'him', but a lot more guys are looking at me in a new and
different way."

	"You look sensational! Damn, man, you're handsome when you're all
scrubbed up."

	"I wish I could say the same to you. What's happened to you? God,
you look like death warmed over."

	"That's a very accurate description of me, Fred."

	"I haven't seen you in here for months."

	"I've been traveling a bit, Fred...Florida...New York..."

	"Did you ever find that guy...your old boyfriend?"

	"Yes. I lived with him for several weeks in New York."

	"And...?"

	"He's a very successful doctor now with a very handsome and sexy
jazz musician for a lover."

	"Shit, buddy, I'm sorry..."

	"I am too, but I'm happy for him at least."

	"Surely pining away after a lost love shouldn't make you look as
you do. So what is it?"

	"I have AIDS, Fred, putting it bluntly."

	"Dear Jesus! How sick are you?"

	"Very! Oh, I had everything under control when I was only HIV
positive. I had the latest drugs from Cole Institute in Briarwood!"

	"Shit, man, didn't they work on you?"

	"They were doing wonders on me...miracles, to be exact!"

	"So what happened?"

	"I...I stopped taking them. After I saw there was no hope in
rebuilding my relationship with Clay in New York...and after all the
fucked-up past I left behind here in Holyfield, I just gave up. I wanted to
die...I STILL want to die!"

	"What kind of fucked-up past are you talking about, John?"

	"First of all, Fred, my name is not John, it's Scott...Scott
Parsons. I lied about being called 'John'."

	"John? Scott? What's the difference?"

	"Fred, I'm Scott Parsons who cheated on his wife with a
nineteen-year-old boy, a boy who was my student at CU where I was band
director."

	"You were a school teacher?"

	"So to speak."

	"So then what happened?"

	"Fred, inside of one twenty-four hour period, I lost my job, my
wife and kids, my nineteen-year-old kid lover, and got HIV. How's that for
a big day?"

	"Christ!"

	"Then I went to Florida to visit my mother and she told me where to
find Clay, my school boy crush, and I've already told you what happened
with him."

	The bartender brought Scott his drink and Scott downed nearly half
of it in one gulp.

	"Man, man, man, you need a friend, buddy!"

	"Don't think I know it? Actually, when I drove past Andy Panda's a
few minutes ago, I was hoping you'd be here. Fred, you're about the closest
thing to a friend that's left in my life."

	"Thank God I was here."

	"You always were, every time I came into this place."

	"I'm glad you thought of me. Hell, no one's thought about me in
years."

	"I...uh...always liked talking with you, Fred."

	"I always hated it when you left me to go home to your wife and
kids. The few moments I shared with you were about the only time I didn't
feel alone."

	"Well, I feel better knowing I was able to reciprocate the feeling
you gave me."

	"Have you moved back here?"

	"No, just taking a final look..."

	"What's that supposed to mean?"

	"Needless to say, Fred, I'm dying...either by my illness or by my
own hand."

	"Hey, friend, don't talk like that!"

	"What's there to live for, Fred?"

	"Why are you suddenly a hero? What's there to die for? Some cause?
Some war? Some miraculous cure for some disease?"

	"No."

	"Scott, you don't deserve to die. You haven't earned that right
yet. Death is for heroes, not cowards."

	"Oh, I'm not a coward, Fred. I'm not afraid of dying."

	"Yeah, but not this way! Hell, man, when it comes my time to go, I
wanna go out with a bang, bells, and cacophony! I want to make a noise, not
slide into oblivion with a whimper."

	"Maybe if I weren't so sick! Maybe if I had a job, a future,
someone in my life..."

	"Fuck! You said your AIDS pills were working. Why not go back on
them?"

	"And do what?"

	"EVERYTHING!"

	"You mean gain permanent residence on the fourth barstool at Andy
Panda's, the one right next to yours?"

	"Hell, no, man! I sit here every night waiting for that 'someone' I
told you about and the very minute I see him, I'm gonna go out and not
only, see the world, but I'm gonna change it big!"

	Scott lifted his scotch to toast Fred, "Here's hoping that you find
him soon. I'm sure by now you have decubiti on your butt big as barnacles
from waiting for him."

	"Say, where are you headed when you leave here?"

	"I'm not sure. I know where I WANT to go!"

	"Where's that?"

	"Straight to Hell!"

	"Oh, Christ, stop talking like that! Do you have a place to
stay...a motel?"

	"Just my car..."

	"In that case, you're coming home with me to spend the night."

	"I don't think that's a good idea, Fred."

	"Besides, I want you to see my place. Practically no one has seen
it... certainly not this bunch of bar bums!"

	"You think you can change my life after offering me one night's
sleep?"

	"Hell! Stay a week...a month! I'd kinda like to have you around for
a while."

	"So that I can become your project...your pet?" Scott's bitterness
surprised even Scott himself.

	"Maybe. Perhaps I'm curious to see what the new AIDS drugs can do."

	"Oh, I'm to become your lab rat...?"

	"That's a fucking bad way to put it! Whaddya say? One night?"

	"How far do you live from here?"

	"Not far. We can leave your car in the parking lot here or you can
follow me. Listen, Scott! I won't take 'no' for an answer!"

	"All right...ONE night. I'll follow you in my car, just in case I
should decide to leave in the middle of the night!"

	"Fair enough! Now finish your drink and I'll pay the tab."

	Scott lifted the glass and swallowed the remaining liquor while
Fred gave the bartender a twenty-dollar bill.

	"I've got some good scotch in my liquor cabinet. I'll fix you
another as soon as we get there."

	Scott left with Fred and the two got into their respective
vehicles...Scott's Toyota and Fred's Porsche.

	'Damn, Fred must've won that car in a lottery!' Scott said to
himself. 'He sure as hell couldn't afford the payments!'

	Scott followed Fred about five miles outside the Holyfield city
limits, way out in a wooded area. Fred stopped at the entrance of what
Scott assumed to be a trailer park and then Fred took a tiny remote box and
opened the metal gate. Once the two cars had entered, Fred pressed the
remote a second time to close it. They continued to drive for nearly half a
mile. Scott saw no sign of houses or trailers. Finally, Scott followed
Fred's car onto a wide circular drive and parked in front of a dark looking
hotel or big house. Fred exited his car first.

	"Come on, get out, Scott, I want you to see my place."

	"You mean this?...ALL of it?"

	"It's a honey, isn't it?"

	"But, it's..."

	"I know, it's huge...even a bit ostentatious, wouldn't you say?"

	"This is your house?"

	"Scott, just because I always dressed like a bum and never shaved
doesn't mean I didn't have anything to be proud of!"

	"But---is it yours?"

	"Bought and paid for...free and clear except for yearly taxes and
insurance."

	"You paid for it?"

	"CASH! All in one lump sum!"

	"But, how...?"

	"Scott, I have more freaking money than I know what to do
with. I...I just never had anyone to share it with. Come on, let's go
inside!"

	Scott felt like Charley when Willy Wonka opened the doors to
Oompaland. Fred turned on the lights in the entry room and Scott's jaw
dropped--! A winding staircase, marble floors, hanging crystal chandeliers,
original oil paintings on the walls and doors on every side leading to all
kinds of mysterious places.

	"I'm so impressed, Fred! I don't know what to say...it's so
unbelievable!

	"Let me show you the den! It's my favorite place."

	The den turned out to be an enormous display of mahogany paneling
on the walls...a huge fireplace and wall-to-wall leather furniture with a
big couch facing the biggest flat screen TV Scott had ever seen.

	"Sit on the couch while I make you a drink and put on some music."

	"OK..." Scott replied, feeling like Alice in Wonderland. He sat on
the sixteen-foot leather sofa and let his eyes gaze about the room,
drinking in the luxury of these surroundings. A moment later, sweet
soothing music flowed from speakers all around the room. Fred had chosen a
familiar CD, one that Scott used to own on vinyl, 'George Shearing With
Strings'. The first cut was Scott's favorite, a tune called, 'Love
Wise'. 'My God! Is this really happening?' Scott asked in his mind while
pinching himself. Then Fred returned to the couch, sat down, and handed
Scott a double scotch-on-the-rocks.

	Fred put out his glass to clink Scott's and said, "Here's to a good
night's sleep!"

	"I think I'll need it after seeing all this!" Scott replied.

	"Sit back, listen to the music, and relax."

	Both of them lounged backward into the padded leather, each closing
his eyes as 'Love Wise' segued into 'Nina Never Knew' and that's when Fred
edged his hand over to take Scott's. Scott was a bit surprised but didn't
withdraw his hand.

	"Scott, do you know how many years I've dreamed of sitting here in
this room and holding the hand of a special someone?"

	"No, Fred, I don't know but I think I have a good idea."

	"Could I tell you how attracted I was to you when you came into
Andy Panda's that first afternoon?"

	"Attracted...?"

	"Sure, I waited the next afternoon and the next and the next, just
hoping I would see you again..."

	"I think I only came back the second time just to see you. I liked
our first conversation. As long as we're baring our souls...I...I didn't
think I could live to see another day after today. But I wanted someone...a
friend to talk to---and you were the only person I thought of."

	"I'm honored that you thought of me..."

	"I'm just glad you were there. I...I almost didn't recognize you
after the many changes in your appearance. I don't want to embarrass you,
but, damn, you're downright handsome!"

	"I never had anyone to dress up for. When you disappeared over
three months ago, I thought I'd never see you again...and tonight when I
saw you... you would've dropped in your tracks if I did what I really
wanted to do."

	"What was that?"

	"I almost jumped up from the bar, grabbed you, and kissed you in
front of everybody."

	"I guess MY appearance sort of put you off. I know I look
sick. Hell, I won't even look into a mirror anymore while I'm shaving. The
man I used to be is no longer there."

	"Would you give me the chance to find the old you and put the
pieces back together?"

	"That would require a miracle, Fred."

	"Hell, I've got the money and the time...all we need is your wonder
drugs!"

	"And then what?"

	"I would hope that while I'm getting you well, you...you might
learn to feel about me the way I feel about you."

	"Are you implying what I think you are?"

	"That I love you?"

	"Yes."

	"Before I answer that, let me tell you about another guy who came
into the bar a few weeks after your first time. He said his name was
'John', just as you had. We talked for a while and before he left he asked,
'If I were a magician and could grant you one wish, what would it be?' It
didn't take but a second for me to tell him what I'd always wanted."

	"What?"

	"I told John, '"I'd like to meet a nice-looking guy...not
especially handsome, because I wouldn't want other guys looking at him to
make me jealous. He'd have an amiable occupation...not a fancy, rich
career...something along the line of a school teacher. I'd've liked him to
be married once, to get women out of his system...and I'd like him to come
home and find I'd made him a big dinner and then the two of us would wash
and dry the dishes and go into the living room and listen to some good
music, preferably Broadway show tunes, watch something worthwhile on PBS
television and sit on the couch holding hands. Then, maybe around ten
o'clock in the evening, we'd go into the bathroom and take a nice long, hot
shower together and we'd leave our clothes off to get into bed and we would
face each other and hold one another as long as it took for me to feel
safe, secure, and wanted, just once in my life."

	"That's what you told him?"

	"Verbatim. I know because I've wished for the same thing over and
over, night after night, year after year. Funny thing is...when I said it
all to him, the vision of you appeared before me. You epitomized everything
in my dream."

	"That was before I became sick."

	"Dammit, Scott! You're still the same person inside...gain a little
weight, get some color back into your cheeks, clean you up with new
clothes, a new hairstyle, and a new life."

	"You're willing to do all that for me?" What was it?  Confusion?
Disbelief?

	"That's just for starters. You'd never be alone again...always
having someone to be there for you, to care for you, provide for you...and,
yes, love you."

	"You make it all sound so wonderfully simple."

	"It probably won't be at first, but I want us to have years
together, go places, see things, do things, be happy! All you have to do is
say, 'yes'. If sex never happens between us, just holding you is
enough. However, if the time ever arrives when and if you want to have sex,
I'm not afraid of your illness. I know how to be safe. Hell, it's my germs
that will kill you, not the other way around!"

	Scott looked at Fred for a long time before replying.

	"Fred, if you're willing to give it a try, then how can I be
selfish enough not to grant your wish? You'd be giving me a new chance at
life."

	"Dear God, I hope you meant what you just said....?"

	"I did, Fred. I meant it...every word."

	"Would it be asking too much if I took you into my arms and kissed
you as I've wanted for such a long time?"

	"I'd like nothing more than to make you happy, too."

	Fred's hands trembled as he cupped each cheek of Scott's face and
drew near to kiss him gently on the lips and Fred whispered,
'Sometimes--there's God--so quickly!"

	Scott smiled and replied, "Shut up, Blanche, and kiss me!"

	"I will, but I have to confess something to you."

	"Oh?"

	"You see, you told me your name was John and earlier tonight, you
told me the truth...that it is Scott."

	"Your name is not 'Fred'?"

	"No...It's Barclay...only my mother always called me 'Clay'..."


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                                    fin