Date: Sat, 24 Jul 2010 16:52:59 -0400
From: bigmoh@post.com
Subject: Jeff's New Life

JEFF'S NEW LIFE

PART ONE

In June of 1965 Jeff Swenson was looking forward to his graduation
from the University of Minnesota with a Bachelor's degree in
electrical engineering.  College had been extremely difficult for him;
he had to spend far more time studying than other students.  Coupled
with a need to work part time to pay tuition, dorm fees, and meals, he
had no time for a social life.  Social life was also impossible during
high school because he grew up on a farm in northern Minnesota and
his spare time was consumed by chores on the family farm.  Summers
were dawn to dusk labor helping his father and older brother eek out
an existence from the farm.

College was transformational for Jeff.  By the time he was a junior, he
had firmly made up his mind on two fundamental issues.

First, he would not spend his life in the frigid northern latitudes and
certainly not in a rural community with its necessary but obsessive
focus on the unpredictable weather and its effect on the corn and
soybean crops.  Therefore, he applied for jobs only in Sunbelt states --
jobs that were close to if not within a large metropolitan area.  That
decision caused a number of heated and stressful discussions with his
parents.  Although they had resigned themselves to his not wanting to
be a farmer (largely because their eldest son had chosen to help with
the farm and eventually inherit it), they hoped that Jeff would work
nearby in the Minneapolis-St. Paul area.  When Jeff announced his
decision to relocate after graduation a thousand miles or more away
from home his parents argued forcefully for him to reconsider.  Their
objections diminished over time to periodic expressions of
disappointment that he was "deserting" his family.

Jeff's second decision was never discussed with his parents.  Since he
would be beginning a new life -- far away from the repressive religious
dogma of his extended family and community -- he would no longer
hide his homosexuality.  No, he wouldn't broadcast it but neither
would he deny it.  He would discretely seek the kind of male
companionship that he had craved for too long.  Through puberty and
into his teen years, he had gone through gut-wrenching periods of
confusion, guilt, and a sense of complete isolation from "normal"
young men.  The hope that he might turn out, after all, to be straight
had long since evaporated.  But that, like his struggle to finish college,
was behind him now.  He had accepted his difference.  The shame that
had tortured him had faded away.  He was, in effect, re-born; he was
no longer sick or sinful, no longer an abnormal freak.  He was an
adult, a mature adult who knew himself and knew what he wanted in
life.

And what he wanted most he had never had.  He wanted a companion,
a boyfriend, a lover.  At 21, Jeff was a virgin and longed for pleasures
of the flesh.  More than that, he wanted a partner to love, honor, and
cherish.  Finding a like-minded person in the small, puritanical
community where his family had lived for generations was, of course,
impossible.  He was eager to start his new life.

As he prepared for the arrival of his parents, who had traveled
"downstate" to attend his graduation, he was both proud and fearful --
proud of being the first in his family to earn a college degree but
fearful of renewed arguments to stay in Minnesota.  He didn't like
disappointing his parents but had accepted a job with Hewlett-Packard
in Palo Alto, California.  Within his parents' frame of reference, Palo
Alto was as distant as Hong Kong and no amount of promises to return
frequently for a visit would make up for what they regarded as the loss
of a son.

***

By mid-August, Jeff had been on the job for several weeks and was
thrilled with the challenge of the work and the association with
experienced electrical engineers.  He had made several friends at
work; some were young, handsome, and personable but --
unfortunately -- straight with wives or steady girlfriends.  He enjoyed
occasional social evenings with fellow employees but he began to lose
hope that he would be able to find the one thing missing in his life:
someone who shared his need for intimate male companionship.

He lived in a furnished studio apartment -- one room with kitchenette
and bath -- while saving his money to move to more comfortable
accommodations.  While there, he met a neighbor in the same
apartment complex, Jason Harris, who was a student at Stanford
University and working the summer months for a landscaping
company.

The nodding acquaintanceship quickly grew into friendship as they
discovered they had many things in common.   Jason was from
Vermont and, like Jeff, was happy to be away from the harsh winters.
They were both farm boys transplanted to urban Palo Alto; they shared
an interest in science fiction, a dislike for dogmatic religion, and a
dedication to physical fitness.  Jason became Jeff's first good friend in
sunny California.  His friends from work were pleasant enough but the
connection to Jason was qualitatively different.  They joked and
laughed, they frequently ate together at one or the other's apartment,
and they built a comfortable rapport.

Jeff admired Jason's ready wit, his candor, and his character.  And his
body!  The warmth of August dictated that shorts and no shirt was
common attire in the evenings and on weekends.  That revealed
Jason's broad shoulders, muscular chest, and firm legs.  The effect that
had on Jeff was both arousing (His admiration for Jason's physique
was tinged with lust.) and frustrating (He mourned the probability that
Jason was straight and there would be no chance for any relationship
beyond friendship.).

Jeff often found himself fantasizing about Jason as he lay in bed at
night.  He visualized him standing at the side of the bed in the nude.
He imagined him crawling into bed beside him.  When Jeff's hand
began its practiced stroking of his swollen cock, it became, in Jeff's
imagination, the hand of Jason.  The fantasy brought him invariably to
a satisfying climax.

There were times when he considered coming on to his friend -- very
subtly at first and allowing for a way to retreat if Jason showed any
signs of offense.  But he promptly dispelled those thoughts when he
considered the likely consequence: alienating a good friend.  Yes, he
reminded himself, he vowed not to hide his homosexuality in his new
life.  Still, the risk of losing a friend was too great.

Jeff's caution was severely tested late one Friday evening as he and
Jason sat in Jason's apartment downing a few cold beers.  Both men
were shirtless and barefoot.  Both were clad only in gym shorts.
Jason's were loose fitting.  As they faced each other across the room,
Jeff noticed that he could see up the leg of his friend's shorts almost to
the crotch.  He fought to control his eyes and thoughts but in the
middle of the third beer, he lost the battle.  Whenever he thought his
"perving" would not be noticed his eyes repeatedly darted quickly to
the almost clear path to his friend's private parts.  His thoughts
dwelled increasingly on what was almost visible but tantalizingly
hidden from view.  With dismay, he realized that his cock was
hardening and, if left uncontrolled, would soon be erect.  In
desperation, he excused himself to go to the bathroom, hoping to
channel his thoughts into something dull or complex so as to
overpower the erotic thoughts that were about to be manifest between
his legs.  He had successfully used that ploy frequently in the past to
divert his thoughts but it took extra effort this time.

Jason, meanwhile, had noticed Jeff's gaze dropping indiscreetly a few
times and detected what he thought was a flash of an embarrassed or
guilty expression when Jeff realized he might have been caught
looking where most men dare not to look too long or too frequently.  A
devious scheme formed in Jason's mind.

When Jeff returned from the bathroom, the young men's conversation
resumed.  A few moments later, Jason pretended to accidentally spill
some salsa chip dip on his gym shorts.  "Damn!" he muttered
convincingly.  He grabbed the bottom hem and lifted it up, ostensibly
to inspect the stain.  In reality, however, he was deliberately exposing
his cock and balls to Jeff's view and taking note through his peripheral
vision of his friend's reaction.

Jeff, confident that Jason's attention was distracted, seized the
opportunity to asses Jason's manhood with a prolonged stare at the
impressive tube of flesh.  All those lustful thoughts he had expunged
in the trip to the bathroom returned in a torrent and his cock twitched,
tingled, and began its unstoppable growth in length and firmness.

Jason had the answer to the question that had puzzled him, a question
that seemed to demand an answer as he caught Jeff's frequent glances
at his crotch and his friend's nervousness when caught ogling.  All
doubt about the answer was eliminated when Jason saw an
unmistakable bulge forming in Jeff's gym shorts.  Jeff's awkward
attempts at hiding his erection only confirmed the answer Jason
sought.

"No harm, I guess," Jason muttered more to himself than to Jeff.  "It'll
wash out."  Turning his attention back to Jeff, he said, "I'm not usually
a sloppy drunk, you know."

Jeff replied, trying to sound casual, "Hey!  It happens.  Don't sweat the
small stuff."

Jason then looked very intently at Jeff, debating with himself about
whether to pursue what was on his mind.  Jeff grew uncomfortable at
his friend's prolonged, serious expression and said, "What!  So you
spilled some salsa.  What's the big deal?"

Jason didn't answer immediately, which alarmed Jeff.  Finally, Jason
said, "You're gay, aren't you?"

The bluntness of the question, coming out of the blue, stunned Jeff.  In
spite of his resolve to be open about his homosexuality, his first
impulse was to deny it as he had been accustomed to doing throughout
his teen years.  Several thoughts flashed through his mind in the blink
of an eye.  He could tell the truth and risk losing a friend.  Or he could
lie and protect the friendship but betray his decision to be open.  He
chose a middle ground and said, "What makes you think that?"

Jason grinned and said, "You've been looking at my crotch whenever
you thought I wouldn't notice.  You got an eyeful when I lifted the
hem of my shorts -- quite a long eyeful at that.  And the clincher is that
bulge that sprang up in you shorts when I showed you my cock.  So ...
am I wrong or are you gay?"

"No," Jeff said hesitantly.  "You're not wrong.  I'm gay.  Are you
disappointed in me?  Do you hate me now?"

"Disappointed?" Jason exclaimed.  "Hell no!  I'm not disappointed.
I'm delighted."

Jeff was astonished as the implication of Jason's reaction set in.
Fumbling for words, he blurted out, "Does that mean..."  Somehow, he
couldn't finish the question.

Jason chuckled and said, "Let me answer your question with another
question.  "How would you like to spend the night here with me?
Tomorrow's Saturday.  We can sleep late in the morning.   Will you
stay?  Say yes!"

"Before I say yes," Jeff said, "I need to be clear about something.
You're inviting me to have sex with you?  And you're gay, too?"

"Yes and yes," Jason laughed.  "Now it's your turn.  Say yes.  Please."

"YES!" Jeff replied with a broad smile that reflected his elation over
finding not just someone to have sex with but someone for whom he
already had a strong affection for.

Jason stood and took Jeff's hand, guiding him up out of the chair.

Jeff rose but got suddenly very nervous.  Jason noticed and said,
"Something wrong?  Are you sure you want to go to bed with me?"

"I want it more than anything," Jeff replied.  "But I ...  I've ... well ...
I've never done this before.  And I don't know what to do.  I'm afraid
I'll disappoint you."

"You're a virgin?" Jason exclaimed.  "That's wonderful!  The first
time is always special.  And I promise you, I'm going to make this
VERY special for you.  Just relax and let me take the lead.  We can do
anything you want ... and won't do anything you don't want to do.
This will be a night to remember, Jeff.  And hopefully, the first of
many nights."

Jason quickly pulled out the hide-a-bed sofa, lay down, and said,
"Come join me, Jeff.  I want to take you where you've never been
before ... someplace wonderful."

Hesitantly and still unsure of how to proceed, Jeff lay down next to
Jason who wrapped his arms around his guest and pressed their almost
naked bodies together in an embrace.

Jeff's mind was a flurry of thoughts, each competing for dominance.
This was the realization of a wish he had had for so long: in bed with a
man who was ready and able to satisfy his carnal needs.  More than
that -- a man whom he had grown to respect and admire; a man for
whom he felt a deep affection; a man who might even become the
partner he could love for a very long time.  But might this be a one-
night stand for Jason?  Does he only want a sex partner or is he also
interested in a committed relationship?  At the moment, Jeff decided, it
didn't matter.  The warmth of Jason's body pressed against his, their
hard-ons grinding against each other through their gym shorts, and the
anticipation of his first sexual encounter cast those long-term concerns
aside.  Lust consumed him.  He would seize the chance to fulfill his
fantasies if only for one night.

His thoughts were interrupted when Jason said softly, "I'd like you to
relax and enjoy yourself, Jeff.  I promised to take you to a place of
infinite pleasure.  And I will.  Just tell me if I do anything that you find
uncomfortable.  Okay?"

"Okay," Jeff replied.  "As I said, this is all new to me.  You're in
charge."

"No, Jeff.  We're in this together.  My only concern is to give you
what you've always wanted."

Jason quickly removed his gym shorts, revealing a half-hard cock that
immediately captured Jeff's attention.  The sight of Jason's totally
nude body was infinitely more arousing than his earlier masturbation
fantasies.  His heart was pounding.  His mind was reeling but
exclusively focused on the still unbelievable realization of his years of
dreaming and hoping for this moment.  It was a moment of carnal lust,
made almost unbearable by the fact that he was with a man he admired
who was willing to give him the ultimate in sensual satisfaction.

Still overwhelmed by what was happening and feeling very insecure
about how to handle the situation, Jeff asked hesitantly, "Can I touch
it?"

Jason suppressed a laugh and said tenderly, "You can do anything you
want, Jeff.  Tonight is all about your pleasure."  He then straddled
Jeff's chest to allow a close-up visual inspection of his genitals and put
them within easy reach for fondling.

Nervously and with an eagerness (tinged with fear because of the
constant prohibitions against invading another man's privacy), Jeff
placed his trembling hand on the first cock other than his own that he
had ever touched.  It was beautiful to behold but electrifying to feel its
warmth and extraordinarily arousing as he felt it grow harder and rise
to full erection.  He fondled it, tentatively at first but then with a
growing confidence as his own arousal soared.  He then cupped the
pendulant ball sack with his other hand and manipulated the orbs
inside carefully so as not to cause any discomfort or pain.  After what
seemed to be a very long time to patient Jason but a short time to an
enraptured Jeff, the virgin murmured almost unconsciously, "It's
beautiful!"

"Thanks," Jason replied and then grinned, "but it's just a penis and
testicles.  Every man has `em."

"But yours are special," Jeff said before he realized that his friend was
joking.  Voicing a feeling from deep within himself, he added, "Maybe
that's because you are special to me."

The comment touched a nerve in Jason and made him feel
uncomfortable.  It awakened memories that he didn't want to spoil his
enjoyment of the present so he forced himself to think only of the
present. "I promised to take you to the heights of pleasure."  He moved
down and began to remove Jeff's gym shorts, noticing in the process a
distinct wet spot at the top of a prominent outline of Jeff's erection in
the cotton fabric.

With the gym shorts cast to the floor, Jason admired what was
revealed to him and set about immediately to deliver on his promise.
He kissed and licked Jeff from the neck down to his nipples and gave
special attention to them by sucking and gently biting each in turn.
Jeff was surprised at how good that felt.  Jason then licked and kissed
his way downward but controlled his urge to swallow the twitching
rod of firm flesh.  Bypassing the trembling cock, he licked and kissed
the inside of Jeff's thighs until he reached the hairy scrotum.  He took
each ball into his mouth and teased it with his tongue, which caused
Jeff to writhe and moan with pleasure.

When he licked up and down the shaft of the rock-hard cock, Jeff's
moans grew louder and his hands were clutching the blanket beneath
him.  Jason took pleasure in lavishing attention on another man's cock
and also satisfaction in knowing that he was giving Jeff such delight.

To intensify Jeff's arousal and to make the inevitable orgasm more
intensely gratifying, Jason licked the precum that was oozing out of
Jeff's cock and continued by teasing the head of his cock with his
tongue.

Jeff's extreme joy consumed him.  The singular reality in his
consciousness was the intense sensation in his groin; nothing else
existed.  However, his ecstasy was starting to be tinged with agony
from an urge to ejaculate and relieve the tension that was growing to
an overpowering need.

When Jason's lips encircled Jeff's cock, Jeff began to instinctively
buck his hips, which forced his engorged cock deep into Jason's
mouth.  Jason recognized the signal and began to stroke the base of his
friend's shaft while synchronizing his sucking on the tip to Jeff's
rhythmic thrusts.

Moments later, several volleys of hot cream blasted the back of
Jason's throat accompanied by Jeff's primal screams.

Jason savored the gift from his friend and tenderly milked the last few
dribbles of cum from the deflating cock before him.  He then lay down
beside his guest and draped and arm and a leg over his limp body.  He
laid his head on Jeff's chest, hearing the ker-thump, ker-thump of his
friend's heart gradually slow to a normal beat.

Several minutes later, Jeff said, "I'm sorry, Jason.  I really am."

"For what?"

"For shooting off in your mouth.  I should have warned you.  But I
didn't.  I couldn't."

"You couldn't?  I'll take that as a compliment.  It means I took you to
the peak where all that mattered was enjoying the experience.
Besides, I wanted your cum.  I wouldn't have pulled off if you had
warned me."

"How can I ever thank you, Jason?  I can't even begin to tell you how
good it felt."

"First of all, my friend.  No thanks are necessary `cause I enjoyed it,
too.  Secondly, I think I know how you felt.  My first time was not that
long ago."

Jeff, after a prolonged recovery, replicated on Jason what he had
received -- not as skillfully but with enormous delight.

***

Jeff awoke in the morning to find himself alone in Jason's bed but
hearing the sound of the shower.  He lay there reflecting on what a
wonderful turn of events had befallen him the night before.  His first
gay experience couldn't have been more satisfying.  Not only was it
intensely gratifying but it was with a man whom he liked as a person,
one who he felt might be the kind of man he could share his life with.

Jason emerged from the bathroom wearing boxers and said, "Good
morning!"

"Same to you, Jason," Jeff replied cheerfully and hopped out of bed to
rush to the bathroom and pee.  Upon returning from the bathroom, he
was disappointed to see that Jason was dressed; he had hoped to
cuddle with his friend in bed for a while and to repeat their encounter
of the previous night.

"Got a lot of errands today," Jason said as he folded up the hide-a-bed.
"What are your plans for the day?"

"Dunno," Jeff replied.  "Guess I'll just hang out ... maybe do some
shopping ... for groceries and stuff."

"Sounds like as much fun as my day," Jason said dryly and
immediately added, "I'll fix us some breakfast while you dress."

Jason's casual attitude with no mention of their coupling the night
before worried Jeff.  As he dressed, his euphoria over finding a partner
began to unravel.  Was it, after all, a one-night stand for Jason?  Was
he disappointed in the nervous, fumbling efforts of a novice lover?
Had Jason made his conquest of a virgin and would then go on to other
men?

Jeff dressed and sat at the table in the kitchenette.  "Thanks for last
night," Jeff said.  "It was wonderful."

"Glad you liked it," Jason replied without looking up from the eggs he
was scrambling in a fry pan.  "It was fun."

Jeff's mood grew darker.  Fun?  Is that all it meant to him?  Fun?
That's something one would say after a roller coaster ride and later
think, `been there, done that.'


PART TWO

Jeff moped around all day.  Although memories of the previous night
brought him brief periods of joy, he would soon lapse into extended
periods of worry.  His friend's behavior that morning was polite but
not cordial.  It was certainly not what could be expected after their
intimacy the night before.  By early afternoon, Jeff had convinced
himself that his first sex with Jason might also be his last.  He recalled
Jason saying something about that night being the first of many but
why was he so cool and distant in the morning?  Equally troubling was
the fear that they could never again enjoy the camaraderie as good
friends.  Whatever it was that caused his friend to be so chilly in the
morning must have something to do with the sex play the night before
and it could poison the camaraderie they had enjoyed before their
sexual encounter.  His mood grew gloomier.  He tried to distract
himself by reading but his mind seemed to be possessed by the
mystery of Jason's apparent loss of interest in further intimate
encounters.  Before long, he nodded off, having had little sleep the
previous night.

The ringing of the phone startled him awake.  Still drowsy, he picked
up the receiver and said, "Hello."

"Hi, Jeff," a perky voice said.  "Whatcha doing?"  It was Jason.

"Nothin' much," Jeff mumbled.

"Good!  Why don'tcha come over?  I've got a couple of beautiful
steaks.  I thought we could grill them out on the patio.  With some cold
brew.  Wanna join me?  Say yes."

Jeff was puzzled by the exuberance in Jason's voice that was such a
contrast to his demeanor that morning.  What the hell was going on?
"Okay," he said with little enthusiasm.

In the twenty minutes it took for a quick shower and to slip on fresh
clothes, Jeff made a decision: he would confront Jason -- tactfully but
directly.  He simply had to know the reason for his friend's
indifference that morning and get some clue as to the possibility of a
continuing relationship or, if that was not to be, at least a friendship.
But reverting to their former friendship after having had sex was
unlikely

Jason opened his door, grinning, almost immediately after Jeff
knocked.  "Come in," Jason said cheerfully.  "I've just started the
charcoal.  It'll be a while before they're hot enough to grill.  I thought
we could talk while we wait."

"Sure," Jeff replied, wondering whether he should question Jason
before or after the meal.

They went to the patio; grabbed a beer, and sat in deck chairs.

Before Jeff could say anything, Jason looked at him intently and said,
"Something's been bothering me, Jeff.  All day.  I want to apologize to
you.

"Apologize?  For what?"  Jeff hoped the apology would be for that
morning's indifferent behavior, accompanied by some sort of
explanation.

"Two things, actually.  One, for taking advantage of you last night.
We weren't drunk but ... well ... I'm afraid I wasn't thinking straight
when I asked you to spend the night.  Don't get me wrong; I enjoyed
it.  But then I got to thinking.  And worrying.  Maybe I shouldn't have
tricked you into bed with me.  I felt guilty this morning.  I hated
myself for what I did.  So that's the second thing.  I apologize for
brushing you off this morning."

"You didn't trick me, Jason.  You invited me to stay the night.  I knew
what I was doing.  I knew what I wanted ... wanted more than
anything.  "

"But I DID trick you.  Remember when I spilled salsa on my shorts?
That wasn't an accident.  I did it on purpose.  It was an excuse to show
you my cock.  Why?  To see how you would react.  You stared.  Your
cock got hard.  That made me horny.  After that, I'm afraid I came on
to you too fast and too strong.  I'm sorry!"

"As long as we seem to be in a confessional, Jason, let me tell you
something.  Last night was the best night of my life.  But this morning
when you were so ... I don't know what to call it.  Casual?  Distant?  I
thought I had been a disappointment.  A failure.  I thought you'd never
want to do it again with me.  That hurt.  I've brooded about it all day
and convinced myself that I was just a one-time conquest and had even
lost you as a friend."

"I'm even more sorry now, Jeff, for causing you to worry.  Let me
assure you; you were not a piece of ass to me.  I value our friendship
and want it to continue ... in and out of bed.  So let me apologize ...
again ... for how I acted this morning.  Are you mad at me?" Jason said
plaintively.

"Hell no!  I'm grateful.  For last night.  For what you just said.  I'm so
grateful, I could kiss you!"

Jason smiled, cocked his eyebrows wickedly, and said, "Well ... why
don't you?"

Several long kisses later Jason said, "I hate to stop this but I think
we'd better grill the steaks and eat.  Then we can go inside and see
what comes up.  Okay?"

"Mine's already up," Jeff laughed.

Their love-making that night was a departure from their customary
routine.  Instead of engaging in enough foreplay to assure arousal and
then turning their attention to giving and receiving erotic pleasure, by
unspoken agreement the focus seemed to be on foreplay.  They
cuddled, caressed, massaged, kissed, and periodically voiced their love
for each other.  That went on for so long that their erections faded but
neither seemed to mind.  They each discovered a new and very
pleasant way of fulfilling their need for companionship, a
companionship that transcended what they had felt before, a
companionship that signified an unqualified devotion to each other.

"This is nice," Jason whispered contentedly.  "It's something that ..."
He stopped short, having suddenly realized the inappropriateness of
what he was about to say.

"That what?" Jeff cooed back.

"Nothing," Jason replied.  "Just a random thought, is all."

Jeff looked at Jason's face and thought he detected a sorrowful or
painful expression there.  "Now you've got me curious," he said.
"Tell me what you were thinking."

"I don't want to spoil what we're doing, Jeff.  I love being close to
you, holding you, knowing that we're meant for each other."

"We are that," Jeff said, still puzzled by what Jason refused to say.
"And we'll be together forever.  But being together means we can't
hold anything back.  Tell me what you were thinking."

Jason hesitated but eventually spoke.  "Okay.  But first I want to
apologize to you.  I was thinking about a former boyfriend and how we
never just lay in bed, enjoying being close.  I'm sorry.  I shouldn't
have been thinking of him when I've got you."

"Hey.  That's okay," Jeff said.  "It's only natural that you think of him.
I'm not offended or insulted.  Why?  Because I know that we have
each other now."

"Infinitely it's infinitely better," Jason said and gave his lover a long,
passionate kiss.

They cuddled for a short time before Jeff said, "Wanna know what
else I was thinking?"  Without waiting for an answer, he continued, "I
was thinking how nice it is just to lay down with you knowing that I'm
yours and your mine.  I can't really explain it -- and don't get me
wrong -- but snuggling up to you is a joy as good as sex.  It's a
different kind of joy for sure but it means a lot to me."

Jason chuckled, which confused Jeff.  He reached down to fondle
Jeff's limp cock and said, "Would little junior down there agree with
you?"

Cracking a grin, Jeff replied, "Ask him.  But you know he can't hear
or talk so you'll have to coax it out of him with your hand."

Jason laughed, "I've got a more direct method."  He quickly scooted
down and put his face directly above Jeff's groin.  "Talk to me,
Junior," he said and promptly took his lover's cock into his mouth
where it responded by engorging.

Jeff's amusement at Jason's silliness was soon replaced by a wave of
erotic tension.  He willingly let Jason have his way and was soon
moaning as the sensations of an impending orgasm radiated
throughout his body.  The moans culminated with a scream as his
juices erupted into Jason's eagerly awaiting throat.

When Jeff recovered from his massive climax, Jason said, "Junior
obviously likes that better than snuggling."

"Well I say they're both good!" Jeff replied.  "Even better when I can
enjoy both.  Let me show you."

Jeff went down on Jason who, like Jeff, lay back and enjoyed the ride.

***

Four weeks later, Jeff hurried home from work on Friday, eager to
spend time with Jason.  They had been together every night since that
first night when Jeff surrendered his virginity to Jason.  Sometimes it
was in Jeff's apartment, sometimes in Jason's. They had spent nearly
every evening and weekend together and their emotional bond grew
daily.

Jeff was sublimely happy; he had in Jason a perfect mate and he
treasured every minute they spent together.  Jason was also happy but
harbored a fear that he felt he couldn't discuss with his new lover.

They planned to grab a quick supper that night and take in a movie,
one of the few splurges in the Spartan life they'd been living.  They
were eager to see "Lilies of the Field" that had been nominated for an
Academy Award the previous year but the principal reason for their
anticipation was to see Sidney Poitier who won the Best Actor Oscar
for his role in the film.  Both Jason and Jeff felt he was a fine
specimen of masculinity and they were saddened by the prejudice of
most people at the time that couldn't see past skin color.  After the
movie, of course, they would go to bed and enjoy each other's
company for an hour or so of pleasure before cuddling up to go to
sleep.

During supper, Jason said, "I've got an idea and I want to know what
you think of it.  I started wondering if it made any sense to have two
apartments.  After all, we're as much as living together anyway.  It
wouldn't cost us any more to share an apartment.  We could get a
bigger one ... with a separate bedroom and a real bed.  What do you
think?"

Jeff laughed.  "I've thought the same thing.  But I hesitated to mention
it because it implies a commitment.  I don't mean just sharing rent.  I
mean a commitment to each other.  I wasn't sure you were ready to
make that kind of commitment."

Jason's exuberance over a new apartment faded quickly because Jeff
had raised an issue that had bothered him since their first sex.  Could
he acknowledge to himself and admit to Jeff that he was in love?
Could he overcome his fear of repeating a mistake?

"To be honest," Jason finally said. "I was reluctant at first.  Scared,
actually.  I liked you when we first met.  I've come to like you even
more as I got to know you better.  So that's not the problem.  The
problem is with me.  I've got some baggage.  I haven't told you and
you've been good enough not to ask but I was in a serious relationship
that turned out badly.  Let me explain.  I had a few boyfriends through
high school and college but nothing more than occasional sex.  Then I
met Carl at the end of my sophomore year.  We seemed to get along
very well so this past school year, we shared an apartment.  I thought
we would be together forever.  But I caught the bastard fucking
somebody else.  The confrontation was ugly.  He told me he had two
other bunk buddies and if I didn't like it, I could go to Hell.  And Hell
is what I went through.  I was an emotional wreck for weeks.  So you
see, I've been torn.  I would like to be your life partner but I'm scared
of being hurt again.  Once burned, twice shy, as they say.  Let me lay it
out.  I think I've fallen in love with you.  I want you to be part of my
life.  You mean that much to me.  I'll take the risk of losing you just to
be your lover for as long as you'll have me."  Jason paused to assess
his lover's reaction.

"Will I have you?" Jeff replied.  "How `bout for the next 50 or 60
years?  I think I fell in love with you within a week after we met.
Okay.  That's an exaggeration.  At first, I was attracted to you because
of your good looks.  Then I grew to like you as a good friend.  I guess
love took root the first night we spent together.  And it's been growing
ever since.  This sounds strange but I was afraid to tell you that.  I was
afraid you'd reject my love and say that I was confusing our nights
together for real love.  I worried about that.  I wasn't sure that I knew
what real love felt like.  Was I in love with you or with the sex we
were having?  There's no doubt any more.  I would want to be your
partner even if we didn't have sex.  Wait.  What I mean is that the sex
is great.  It started as just that -- sex --and was wonderful.  But it's
different now.  Sex is a way of showing you my love.  Does that make
any sense?  Or am I just being corny?"

Jason took several swallows of beer and looked off into the distance
for a while before turning to Jeff and saying, "I think you've
diagnosed my relationship with Carl.  To him, sex was just sex.  But I
thought I was in love.  Maybe I was.  Maybe I just loved the sex.  But
now I know that Carl wasn't in love with me.  He never said he loved
me.  When I told him I loved him, he would laugh or change the
subject.  Now -- too late -- I can see a lot of little things were missing -
- like showing concern for my problems, being happy to just be with
me, doing favors for me, stuff like that.  I was too blind to see it at the
time but I got smarter after we broke up.  You're different.  We enjoy
each other's company -- even when we're not in bed.  You show a
genuine interest in what I do.  You're sensitive to my moods.  You try
to cheer me up when I'm down.  You're always doing little things to
please me.  Add that up and you've got the reasons why I love you and
am pretty sure that you love me."

"PRETTY sure?"  Jeff said.  "You can be VERY sure.  And very sure
that I'll be true to you forever."

That night, their sex was special because it was a consummation of
their partnership.

***

They moved into a one-bedroom apartment just after Jason started his
senior year at Stanford.  They bought a minimum amount of furniture
at first.  The first priorities were a bed and, from a second-hand store, a
table with two chairs for the kitchen and a chest of drawers for their
clothes.  The barren living room didn't matter because they were
actually living together.  As partners.  And extremely happy.

Their first real argument arose over breakfast one morning when Jeff
said he wanted to buy furniture for the living room -- sofa, arm chairs,
end tables, and a bookcase.

"I can't afford it!" Jason objected with uncharacteristic force that
shocked Jeff.  "Not with tuition, lab fees, and textbooks.  The bedroom
furniture cleaned me out.  I just can't do any more!"

"You don't have to," Jeff replied.  "I've got money saved up and a
steady paycheck.  I'm not asking you to share the cost."

Jason continued to protest, arguing that, as partners, they should share
equally in their living expenses.  Jeff insisted that it was something he
wanted to do ... "for both of us."  The dispute went on for some time,
gradually getting more heated until Jason blurted out, "Dammit, Jeff!
Don't you know by now that I value my independence?  I won't take
your charity just `cause you need a bed partner!  That would make me
a whore, wouldn't it?"

Jeff instantly realized that his lover's outburst was irrational and the
both of their comments had been inflamed by hyper-emotion.  He sat
silently for several moments, thinking of ways to cool down the
argument.  Finally, he very calmly said, "If you don't want me to do it,
Jason, I won't.  Why?  Because I love you and your happiness is far
more important than anything else.  I won't deliberately do anything to
make you unhappy.  Yes, I know that you're independent.  I didn't
think of that when I suggested getting furniture.  I'm sorry.  As for
being a whore, nothing could be further from the truth.  You're my
lover.  We're partners.  We moved in together not for the sex.  Not
`cause it's cheaper than two apartments.  We moved in together
because we love each other."  Jeff leaned over to give his lover a kiss
but Jason turned his head away.

Jeff, still hoping to put their argument behind them, continued, "Now,
about the furniture.  It's something that I'm able to do.  It's something
I want to do ... for US -- as a couple.  The last thing I want is to make
you unhappy so if you don't like the idea, I'll forget about it."

Jason sulked for a few minutes.  Jeff wisely gave him time to absorb
the appeasement and the expression of love.

Finally, Jason said, somewhat defiantly, "Bit of a dilemma, isn't it?
One of us will be happy; the other unhappy.  What I mean is: you buy
the furniture and I'm unhappy; don't buy the furniture and you're
unhappy.  Which of us will win, Jeff?  Which one of us will be
unhappy?"

Jason abruptly rose from his chair, gathered his dishes, and put them in
the sink.  "I'll wash our dishes later," he said.  "I'm going to campus.
See you when you get home from work."

"Jason," Jeff called as his lover walked out the front door without
acknowledging his partner's implied plea to continue the conversation.

Jeff sat brooding for a few minutes.  He had obviously upset and
angered Jason, which he hadn't intended but deeply regretted.
Appetite gone, he scraped the remainder of his breakfast into the
disposal and flushed it down the drain.  He went to the bedroom to
dress for work while fretting over how to make amends to Jason.

He managed to make it through his day's assignments at work only
with great effort.  Any idle time was consumed by worrying about that
morning's argument and unsuccessfully trying to find a way to repair
the fractured relationship.

When he arrived home, Jason was not there.  Where was he?  He was
always home preparing supper unless he said beforehand that he would
be late.  Jeff searched for a note; there was none.  He checked the
bedroom; the bed was unmade, which must have meant Jason had been
gone all day.  Where was he?  Was he still angry?  Might it mean that
their argument had caused an irreparable rift between them?  How
could such a trivial disagreement jeopardize the idyllic life they had
found together?  How could he get along without the man he loved so
deeply?  His anxiety was rapidly growing.  He was working himself
into a depression.


PART THREE

Jeff waited for more than an hour, hoping that Jason would come
home.  It was not like him to be gone and not leave a note.  He began
to wonder if his lover had met with an accident.  He feared for the
safety of the man he loved but it might explain his mysterious absence.
Or did that morning's argument upset him so much that it jeopardized
their relationship?  Had he lost the most important thing in his life over
a simple argument?  He sat at the kitchen table, wondering, worrying,
on the verge of tears.  As time passed, he became more emotionally
drained and despondent.  Where was Jason?  Was he even angrier than
it appeared as he walked out the door that morning?  Was he all right?

He was about to call the hospitals in the area to see if Jason had been
treated or admitted when he heard a key in the front door lock.  He
sprang from his chair, knocking it over, and rushed to the door in time
to see Jason entering the apartment.

Ecstatic to see his lover, he threw his arms around Jason and buried his
head into his shoulder.  A gusher of disconnected thoughts fought to
be expressed.  In rapid succession, they all came out.  "Jason!  Are you
all right?  I love you, Jason.  I was afraid you'd had an accident.  Did
you?  Are you angry with me?  I couldn't bear that!  Forgive me.
Please.  I'm sorry.  I love you.  I've been miserable all day.  You mean
everything to me.  We can forget about the fucking furniture.  Please.
Please.  Don't leave me.  All I really want is you.  To be with you.  To
make you happy."  Jeff couldn't continue because his tears had given
way to sobs.  All he could do was cling to his lover tightly as though
that would prevent losing him.

Jason had been tortured all day over the dilemma of the furniture.  But,
dammit, he wanted to share the cost of the furniture and couldn't.  He
attended his two morning classes but found it difficult to pay attention.
Thoughts of Jeff and the joy they had found with each other thrashed
about in his mind together with his potent need to be self-reliant.
When he thought of the argument, the memories of Carl awakened the
pain he had suffered through when they broke up.  Would his
relationship with Jeff end and plunge him once again into bitterness?
He loved Jeff and wanted to be his life partner and he knew that every
couple had their disagreements.  But his independent streak would not
allow him to capitulate in every argument.  He recalled his question to
Jeff: "Which one of us will be unhappy?  Who will win?"  Gawd, how
he wished he could reconcile his love for Jeff and his self-reliance!

He skipped his afternoon class, thinking it was pointless to try to pay
attention when his mind was in such turmoil.  He spent the afternoon
roaming aimlessly throughout Palo Alto, trying to solve the dilemma.
By late afternoon, his dominant thought was regret for rejecting Jeff's
idea.

He suddenly realized the time -- well past the time when Jeff would be
home from work.  Would he wonder why dinner was not ready as
usual?  He had been paying little attention to where he was and looked
around to get his bearings.  He had walked to Mountain View, miles
from home.  He thought about calling Jeff to say that he was on his
way home but he had left in such a hurry that he had no money for a
pay phone.  "Shit!" he swore aloud.  It would be another 30 minutes to
walk back home even at a brisk pace.

He finally arrived home to be met by his lover's surprisingly
emotional outburst.  There was only one thing he could do.  He hugged
Jeff and said, "Calm down.  I'm all right.  And I love you.  Come with
me.  We can talk about it."

He led Jeff from the entryway into the empty living room.  Then he
stopped and said, "You know, if we had a sofa in here, we could sit on
it and talk."  He pointedly looked around.  "We could sit in the kitchen
and talk.  No.  That's no good.  Can't very well hold my lover and talk
to him if we're on separate chairs.  Guess the only place we can sit and
talk and hold each other is on the bed."

He led Jeff, who was still distraught and who had missed the
significance of Jason's reference to a sofa, into the bedroom.  He sat
Jeff on the edge of the bed and sat alongside him.  Putting his arm
around Jeff's shoulder, he said, "I'm sorry.  I was an asshole this
morning.  I let my pride get in the way of recognizing what you
wanted to do and why.  It occurred to me that if I want to love you, I'll
have to accept your love.  I wish I had thought of that this morning.
I'd never have objected to your buying furniture.  Forgive me?  I'll try
to be better."

Jeff wiped away his tears and said, "If you'll forgive me.  I didn't
mean to make you mad.  I should have been more sensitive to your
feelings."

"Kiss and make up?" Jason asked with a grin.

They did.  Adoringly.  Their emotional hunger for each other's
companionship easily overcame their hunger for dinner.  Clothes were
strewn all over the floor.  They threw themselves at each other,
pressing their naked bodies together to reaffirm their union.  The
reconciliation soon gave way to eager love-making that was almost
aggressive in its intensity.  Both young men were obsessive in showing
their love in the most vigorous ways.  It was as if they were competing
with each other to demonstrate their dedication to the other's pleasure.
A detached observer would think their behavior was animalistic but
would fail to perceive the selflessness that powered their drive to
express their love.  They energetically kissed and probed the other's
mouth with their tongues, exchanging saliva and sweat, symbolically
merging into one entity: a dedicated and loving couple.

Each became aroused to a level that neither had experienced before
and their cocks ached for gratification.  Jason repositioned himself,
straddling Jeff and offering his cock to his lover's mouth while
mouthing the full length of Jeff's throbbing manhood.  Both love-
struck young men used their accumulated knowledge of what would
most please the other as they licked, teased, and stroked the other's
rigid rod.  Their orgasms were not simultaneous but were immensely
gratifying and once more validated their inseparable union.

As they snuggled together in post-orgasmic bliss, Jason asked, "Would
you do me a favor?"

"Anything, my love."

"The next time we disagree about something -- and it's bound to
happen -- remind me what an asshole I was this morning.  Help me
discuss things without getting angry."

"I'll try," Jeff said.  "But I don't know if I can.  For that matter, I don't
know if I would even want to."

"What the hell does that mean -- why would you not want to?"

Jeff grinned, gave his lover a kiss, and said, "'Cause making up is
spectacular."

They both laughed.

****

During the next several months the young men's bond grew tighter.
They had a few more disagreements but learned how to discuss and
compromise.  They were blissfully happy so it was unusual when
Jason turned suddenly morose after reading a letter from his parents.

"Problem at home?" Jeff asked.

Jason was silent for a while before saying, "No.  The problem is on the
horizon.  I don't know how to handle it."

"So what's the problem?  Can I help?"

"My parents want to come to my graduation.  I'd like that; I haven't
seen them for two years.  But they don't know about me.  About Carl.
About you.  I just don't know how they'll react when they find out I'm
queer."

"They don't have to find out if you don't want to tell them.  They
know we share an apartment ... as room mates.  They don't know
we're lovers.  We can be straight while they're here."

"It won't be that simple," Jason said ruefully.  "For one, they'll see
that we have a double bed and not twin beds.  For another, I've got to
break the news to them sometime.  Whenever I do, it'll be ugly.  Might
as well get it over with and come out to them when they're here.
Besides, when they meet you, I know they'll like you.  That just might
soften the blow."

"It's your decision, Jason.  But you know I'll support whatever you
want to do."

"I've thought a lot about coming out to them ... when, not if, to do it ...
how they might react ... how to tell them ... and all that.  Now, with
their coming here, I suppose I'll have to work up the courage and plan
a strategy."

"Are you sure this is the right time?" Jeff asked.  "I mean with
graduation.  Maybe you should let them be proud of you.  If you tell
them about us, they may be upset or angry.  That's not a sure thing, by
the way, but it might spoil what should be a happy time for them and
for you."

Jason thought about that for a moment and said, "Good point.  I'll
have to think things through a little more."  He paused, smiled, and
added, "Thanks.  You're always thinking of others' feelings, aren't
you?  Do you think we can pull it off?  I mean acting straight while
they're here."

"If that's what you want, Jason.  But remember, I'll go along with
whatever you decide.  Will they be staying here with us?  We can
figure out sleeping arrangements if they do."

"No.    They're bringing my little brother along so they asked for
recommendations on a hotel in the area."

"Jacob is coming, too?  That's great.  I'd like to see if he's as
handsome as his picture."

"Hey!" Jason exclaimed with obviously faked indignation.  "Keep
your hands off him.  For one thing, I don't want to lose you to him.
For another, he's the definition of a prude and he'd beat you bloody if
you tried anything."

Playing along, Jeff screwed his face into an exaggerated pout and said,
"Ah shucks, Jason, I was hoping for a little taste of fresh meat."

Jason laughed and said, "The only fresh meat you'd get from him is a
knuckle sandwich!"

****

Jason's parents and brother were due to arrive on the day before the
graduation ceremony.  Jason was eager to see his family again.  He
had decided not to tell his parents -- at least for the foreseeable future -
- that his "room mate" was, in fact, his gay lover.  Still, he harbored a
lingering fear that they would suspect more than friendship.  His
mother was particularly perceptive and had always been able to tell
when her son was hiding the truth.  He learned from an early age that it
was futile to lie to his mother.  Consequently, he was more than a little
nervous about hiding his relationship with Jeff.

Jeff, however, was almost beside himself with nerves because he knew
he would have to make a good first impression.  He knew that Jason
planned to tell them he was gay at some time in the future and he
wanted very much to win their respect and confidence so they would
be more likely to accept him into the family.

The young men had made what they hoped would be adequate
preparations.  In the apartment they hid the condoms, lube, and dildos.
They bought pajamas and planned to "accidentally" leave them in the
bedroom where they could be seen to demonstrate their modesty and
chastity.  They also alerted a few friends who knew they were gay of
the utmost need for discretion in any conversation with the visiting
relatives.  Fortunately, they understood and promised to go along with
the deception.  One good friend, Janet, a lesbian, even offered to
pretend to be Jason's former steady girlfriend.  Jason liked the idea but
then declined the offer, fearing that neither of them could convincingly
play the roles.

Mr. and Mrs. Harris arrived at the San Francisco airport, rented a car,
and followed the map Jason had mailed to them to reach the apartment
in Palo Alto by four in the afternoon.  When Jason let them in, his
mother gave him a long hug, his father and brother shook his hand,
and they exchanged the customary greetings after two years apart.  Jeff
stood back until Jason said, "Let me introduce my room mate, Jeff
Swenson."

Jeff stepped forward, shook hands with all three visitors while saying,
"Pleased to meet you, Mr. Harris.  Welcome to California.  Mrs.
Harris, I feel like we've met already; Jason has told me a number of
very flattering things about you."  (Jeff's mother grinned and blushed)
"And Jacob, I understand you're a star football player; I hope you
attend college in California so I can see you play."

In spite of Jeff's nervousness, he managed to sound warm and cordial,
which, he hoped, would make a good first impression.

They all went into the living room where the conversation was carried
entirely by Jason and his family, filling in details about each other's
lives that had been left out of their periodic letters.  Jeff sat quietly,
feeling at times quite left out but took the opportunity to learn more
about the personalities of Jason's family.  After almost an hour of
lively talk among the Harris family, Jeff said, "If you folks will excuse
me, I'll go start dinner.  I imagine you're hungry after the long trip."

"You'll do nothing of the kind, young man.  We're taking you both out
to eat.  But we'll have to rely on your recommendations for a
restaurant."

"It's no bother, sir," Jeff said.  "That is, if you don't mind eating in
here.  We have only two chairs at the kitchen table."

"All the more reason to go out to eat," Mrs. Harris said.  "Perhaps you
could make reservations for us while we check into the hotel and
freshen up.  We can pick you up here in ... say ... about an hour?"

When their guests left for the hotel, Jeff said, "Reservations?  Does
that mean they want a ritzy restaurant?"

"Exactly!" Jason replied.  "Dad is not the burger joint or corner cafe
type.  It's best to let him splurge.  Which, by the way, is about the only
way he shows his affection.  You noticed that Mom hugged me and he
only shook my hand?  And Mom would occasionally call me `dear'
but he always calls me `Jason' ... not even `son.'  He's a great Dad but
just can't seem to show affection in any touchy-feely way.  I
sometimes wonder what Mom and Dad do in bed."

Jeff chuckled and said, "Well, they must do something.  They have
two sons."

****

Dinner at an elegant restaurant was a real treat for Jason and Jeff
whose rare dining out had been at pizza parlors and fast food places.
The food was excellent and the conversation was lively.  Midway
through the main course, Mrs. Harris said, "Forgive us, Jeff.  We've
been so involved in family talk that I'm afraid we've left you out.  Tell
us about yourself."

Jeff was caught off guard and didn't know what to say that would earn
Jason's family's respect.  Gathering his wits, he briefly summarized
his growing up on a farm, he had one older brother, his degree was in
electrical engineering, and he worked at Hewlett-Packard.  "Quite an
ordinary life, I suppose," he concluded.

"University of Minnesota, you say," Mr. Harris commented.
"Scholarship?"

"No, sir," Jeff said, wondering why the man was interested in that
particular detail.  "I got some help from my Dad but I paid most of my
own expenses by working part time in a grocery store and full time
during the summers in construction."

"Admirable!" Mr. Harris exclaimed.  "You should be proud of your
achievement."

To reinforce his father's positive reaction, Jason said, "Jeff left out a
couple of things.  He's the first one in his family to complete college.
And he's been at HP for only a year but is already a team leader ...
what other companies would call a supervisor."

"Congratulations, young man," Mr. Harris gushed and returned to
eating his filet mignon.

Jeff made a mental note to thank his lover later for the assistance.  It
seemed -- at least for the moment -- that he had achieved a degree of
respect, which was his primary goal since it would eventually soften
the blow when Jason's told his parents that he was not just a room
mate but his gay lover.

That night, after Jason and Jeff were dropped of at their apartment, Jeff
said, "That seemed to go quite well.  Do you think I made a good first
impression?"

"Indeed you did," Jason gushed.  "That bit about putting yourself
through college clinched it.  You see, Dad has this hang up on self-
sufficiency.  He admires people who work hard for what they want and
can't tolerate those who won't carry their own weight."

"So that's how you got so damned independent?" Jason grinned.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jason shot back.

"Have you forgotten the spat we had about the furniture?"

Jason laughed and said, "Oh that.  Well, I guess a little rubbed off on
me.  But I've become very dependent in one way.  I need you by my
side.  I love you."

"That's sweet, Jason.  How about we shower and hop into bed."

"Isn't it a bit early to go to bed?" Jason asked.

"I didn't say go to sleep, dumb ass."

"Oh!" Jason exclaimed as he slapped his forehead.  "After as long as
we've been together, you'd think I'd know what you meant."

Their hot shower together turned rapidly into a love-fest that morphed
into an orgy of sexual pleasure as they filled each other with hot,
creamy seed.  As they dried each other, slowly and adoringly, their
passion was re-ignited.  By the time they made their way to the
bedroom, each was sporting an emergent erection, which, of course,
had to be taken care of with prolonged foreplay and another exchange
of delectable nectar.

They cuddled together in post-orgasmic bliss until Jason said, "I
promised to show my parents the campus tomorrow.  Wanna come
along?"

"No," Jeff replied.  "I thought I'd spend the morning getting ready for
the party here tomorrow night.  I'll join your family for the graduation
ceremony in the afternoon if that's all right."

"Okay," Jason said.  "I'll tell them you'll meet them at the bell tower
at one thirty.  Do you have everything you need for the party?"

"I think so.  There'll only be us, your parents, and about five friends.
Many of the friends we invited sent their regrets."

"Understandable," Jason said.  "Are you sure everyone knows to be
careful about what they say?  When my parents find out about us I
want to be the one to tell them."

"They've all given their word.  I'm sure it will be fine."

Jeff's confidence was misplaced.


PART FOUR

The graduation party in Jeff and Jason's apartment started out slowly
but, as the various guests arrived, it became more lively and congenial.
Jeff had done a magnificent job in decorating the apartment and in
preparing trays of snack foods along with sparkling cider, coffee, and
soda for the guests.  Each of the invited guests presented Jason with a
gag gift but, in compliance with the couple's previous warning, none
were suggestive or sexual.

Jason's parents were polite and friendly to the guests but didn't engage
any of them in extended conversation.  Jacob, however, joined in the
festivities as though he were among long-time friends.  Before long, he
was flirting with Janet, a very attractive lesbian, who was amused by
the teen's attention but who nevertheless discouraged it.  At one point,
Jacob asked if she had a boyfriend.  Janet, having tired of fending off
the young man's amateurish flirtation, said very casually, "No.  But I
have a girlfriend."

Jacob was puzzled by the response until the implied meaning sunk in.
He excused himself to visit the snack table but the thought of an
attractive female in a sinful relationship bothered him for quite some
time.

Jason's parents were seated on the balcony when Mrs. Harris said, "I'll
refill our glasses.  Back in a jiffy."

She walked into the kitchen and waited, unnoticed, for two young men
to finish opening a new bottle of sparkling cider.

"Too bad there's no beer," the tall, blond man commented.

"Yeah," the dark-haired one replied.  "But you know how it is when
parents visit.  Can't have any alcohol."

"Right," the blond agreed.  "And watching what we say about their
being gay kinda limits the joking around."

"The dark-haired man planted a kiss on the other's cheek and said, "I
know it's difficult for you and you've been an angel, my love.  I'm
proud of you."

Mrs. Harris immediately turned around and returned to the balcony
with empty glasses in hand.  Her husband noticed she was extremely
upset and asked, "What's the matter?  Do you feel all right?"

Still incredulous over what she had heard and not wanting to trigger
her husband's infrequent but volatile anger, she replied, "I'm fine.  But
can we talk about it later?"

Ten minutes later during which she tried to cope with the unintended
revelation in the kitchen and her husband's increasing concern for her,
she said, "I think I'd like to go for a short walk.  Would you stay here
and explain to the others that I'll be back soon?"

He reluctantly agreed but grew more anxious about his wife's health
and mood.

Mrs. Harris found Jason and said, "I'm going for a short walk.  Come
with me so I don't get lost in the neighborhood."

Jason recognized that it was not a request but a gentle command.  He
also sensed that something was bothering her.  Once outside the
building, Jason asked, "Are you all right?  Is something bothering
you?"

She didn't reply immediately but walked about fifty feet and stopped
in the shade of a tree.  She turned to her son, and said, "Tell me about
you and Jeff."

Jason guessed at the real, unvoiced question.  It seemed to be the
beginning of a conversation he was not ready to have.  But he needed
confirmation of his suspicions so he said, "What do you want to know,
Mom."

"I think you know what I want to know, dear.  And you also know that
you can't lie to me and get away with it.  Is Jeff homosexual?  Are
you?  Is that why you live together?"

Jason yielded to the inevitability, gathered his courage, and said, "Yes.
I'm gay and so is Jeff.  We love each other dearly.  There's nothing I
want more than to live with him for the rest of my life.  I'm sorry if
that disappoints you or upsets you but I am what I am.  I've known it
for years.  At first, I tried to fight the feelings.  But it didn't do any
good.  They just got stronger.  When I got to know Jeff, I knew that I'd
found what I wanted ... what I needed ... a companion to love.  You
love Dad and he loves you so you might understand how Jeff and I feel
about each other.  The only difference is that we're two men."

Jason paused to gauge his mother's reaction.  It was as he feared: her
eyes were filled with tears.  He started to hug her to demonstrate his
love for her and to comfort her but she pushed him away and said in a
shaky voice, "How could you do this?  We didn't raise you to be
queer."  She started sobbing.

When Jason tried to hug her again, she pushed him away again and
started walking back toward the apartment building.  Jason followed
but his pleas to understand were ignored.  Instead of going into the
apartment, she got into the rental car and said, "Send you father and
bother out.  We're leaving."

"Mom, please," Jason implored.

"I said we're leaving, Jason!  Go get your father!"

Like an obedient and thoroughly chastised child that had been sent to
his room, Jason went into the apartment.  Finding his father still on the
balcony, he said, "Two things, Dad.  First, Mom's in the car and wants
to leave.  Second, no matter what you may think of me, never doubt
that I love you and Mom."

His father hurried to get Jacob and rushed to the car, fearing that his
wife had taken ill.  It was the last time Jason saw or heard from his
family.

Jason then found Jeff and said, "I'm not feeling well.  I'll be in the
bedroom.  Make my excuses to the others."

"What's wrong, Jason?"

"Later," Jason said as he turned and walked into the bedroom before
his tears came.

The party broke up soon after.  When the last of the guests had gone,
Jeff rushed to the bedroom to check on his lover who had been crying.
He listened sympathetically as Jason related the confrontation with his
mother.  "How did she find out?" Jeff asked.

"I don't know.  My guess is that she overheard something at the party.
But then maybe she noticed something we were unaware of.  I thought
we were very careful but she's very perceptive.  Mothers are like that.
We may never know."

Over the next several months, letters to Jason's parents were
unanswered.  Phone messages were not returned.  When someone did
answer the phone, even his brother, the call was immediately
disconnected.

****

In September of 2005, two old men sat in deck chairs by the side of the
swimming pool at their spacious home in the hills overlooking the
Pacific Ocean.  The last glimmers of the sun were fading as it slid
down behind the blue horizon.  The men had just returned from their
summer home in Jackson Hole, Wyoming and were pleased that their
gardener and housekeeper had kept their winter home immaculate.
They began to reminisce

"It's been a great life, hasn't it?"

"So far.  It gets better every day."

"Retirement is everything I could possibly hope for."

"I agree.  I was fed up with the corporate rate race."

"I know.  Was it the pressure or the politics?"

"Both.  Mostly the politics."

"You could have been a Vice President, you know."

"Sure ... if I was willing to compromise my principles."

"It's a shame they wanted to keep our relationship out of the press.
The guy who got the job was a real jerk."

"That's right.  But you're far more important to me than any corner
office."

"Hmmm.  Maybe one day society will be more accepting."

"It is getting better.  There's even a gay congressman."

"More than one, I suspect."

They both sipped on their Margaritas and entertained their own
thoughts for a while.

"Would you have done anything differently?"

"Nope!"

"Surely, there's one do-over you'd like"

"Yeah.  That cruise to Antarctica was a mistake!  About froze my balls
off!"

"Agreed.  The Mediterranean was much better.  Especially the
clothing-optional beaches."

"[Ha Ha.]  I'll never forget that.  You sported a boner half the time.
And drew the attention of most of the women and a few men."

"Well ... if you got it, flaunt it."

They chuckled over the memory and sipped some more on their drinks
for a while.

"How `bout you?  Any regrets?"

"Sure.  Losing touch with my family.  But given the choice of having
them or having you, I'd choose you in a heart beat."

"I suppose I'm luckier.  My family got over their disappointment
eventually."

They watched the final rays of sun disappear as the garden lights
automatically came on around the pool.

"So we've had a great life together.'

"And years ahead of us to enjoy."

"Speaking of enjoyment, why don't we soak a while in the hot tub and
crawl into bed."

"Let me guess.  You're horny again"

"Whenever I'm with you."

"You want top or bottom tonight?

"BOTH!"



The end