Date: Sun, 9 Dec 2001 04:40:50 -0800 (PST)
From: Robert Denistone <aushotty@yahoo.com>
Subject: The Love That Never Was, Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER:

The following story contains sexually graphic images and language. If
you're under 18 (or 21 in some places) you shouldn't be reading this. Turn
back now, and look forward to the day that you can legally read my
ramblings.

Also, the central theme in this story is a love affair between two
males. If this subject matter offends you, then you probably shouldn't be
here either.

That said, I hope you enjoy my story. Read on.


This will hopefully be an ongoing story (depending on how much interest
there is for it), but I thought I should spend this prologue just outlining
the characters, and how I came to write it in the first place. I warn you,
the descriptions begin when the characters are 15, however this will NOT be
a "High School" story. After the preliminaries are over, the actual
relationship/sex will occur when the characters are age 20. Don't worry,
those 5 years will be covered quite quickly, so you won't have to wait TOO
long.

I've called this "The love that never was", because basically, it never was
(funny that). I'm writing it as a "what-if" story- what would happen if one
of my best friends, the guy of my dreams, who has the unfortunate
affliction of being 100% heterosexual, felt for me the way that I feel for
him.

Anyway, enough of that. I hope you enjoy
Robbie :)


The love that never was: Chapter 1.

I met Andrew during my first day at boarding school in Year 9. He, along
with the other students, had known each other for a few years. I, on the
other hand, was starting fresh- I'd never met any of them before, and as a
new scholarship student, and son of working class parents, felt quite out
of place at one of the most prestigious and expensive schools in the
country.

At that early stage, I don't even think I was sure that I was gay, but
seeing Andrew certainly pushed my mind in the right direction. Even at 15
he was the most gorgeous guy I'd seen- about 5'8", slim and toned, but not
overly muscular. He had a fantastic tan and physique from playing sports,
and carried himself with a certain quiet confidence. Despite his fantastic
body, it was his face that really caught my attention. He had (and still
has) the cutest face I've ever known. Clear hazel eyes, with distinct dark
flecks within them, a well-shaped nose and chin, a strong jaw and the first
signs of approaching stubble. And then, he smiled. Just a quick, cheeky
grin in response to one of his friend's jokes. Those few seconds, however,
are etched in my memory forever- the way his smile lit up his entire face
made me promise myself that I would meet this boy.

I'd been standing in the Boarding House common room, listening to the
Housemaster, Mr. Horus, give his standard "Welcome to the new year" address
to the group of students when I saw him smile for the first time. I was so
intoxicated that I barely even heard Mr. Horus say my name, introducing me
to the rest of the students. I snapped out of my trance just in time to
give a feeble smile to the group of 50-odd boys aged between 14 and 18.
After Horus left the room the boys started talking louder, catching up on
the stories of the Christmas holidays. Slowly, the boys in my grade
approached me and started introducing themselves.

-"Hi, I'm Jimmy"

-"I'm Lyell, how're you going?"

-"Hey man, I'm Andrew. Hope you like it here. It's not too bad once you get
used to it."

I stood there, trying to take in names, and not stare at Andrew, when I
finally replied, "Hi. I'm Robbie. It's nice to meet you guys. So what do we
do now?"

-"Well, it's almost 9.30, so we have to get to bed. School rules", one of
the others said. I can't remember who it was exactly- I think all the
people I'd met (besides from Andrew of course) started to blend into each
other at that stage.

I followed the group of boys up the stairs to the open dorm, sleeping 16
boys. I was wondering where we went to get changed for bed, until I noticed
the other boys shedding their clothes freely. Apparently years of dorm
living meant that inhibitions flew out the window- definitely something I
was going to have to work on. From a purely voyeuristic point of view,
however, I couldn't complain. 15 other boys all getting naked in front of
me, without even worrying about the others watching. The compulsory sport
and PE had obviously worked wonders with these boys. Sure, there were a few
who were nothing special, but for the most part these boys should have been
marked "instant hard-on". Being in the younger dorm, the boys around me
were between 14 and 16, mostly tanned after the summer holidays. Body
shapes ranged from beefy rugby types to the slimmer athletes; hairy chests
and legs, to smooth hairless bodies; penises of all shapes and sizes- a sea
of sexy young guys surrounding me, all gorgeous in their own way, but I
could barely keep my eyes off Andrew. Even in the few quick glimpses I
could secretly take, I memorised his entire gorgeous form. If I was smitten
before, then I was completely in lust now. His body was deeply tanned all
over, except from a small white patch where he wore his shorts. His uncut
penis was about 4" long and soft, buried in a sexy patch of dark curls
which extended up into a thin ab-trail. His smooth chest only served to
accent his dark little nipples, and I caught a glimpse of dark hair as he
lifted his arms to remove his shirt. As he turned around to grab his
boxers, I saw his butt, and one word ran through my mind- perfection. Lily
white, hairless skin, stretched smoothly over two flawless round cheeks.
Believe me, when I finally got to sleep, it was that butt that inhabited my
dreams.

I woke up the next morning, and quickly began the routine of showering and
dressing in front of a group of other boys. As I expected, my inhibitions
about being naked around them took some time to get over, but eventually I
did get used to the whole situation (it did take a while to learn how to
"control myself" in the shower though.) Over the same period of time the
boys, who at one stage had blended all together, took on their own
personalities, but even after my immediate lust wore off, Andrew still
shone out. He was always there when you wanted to have a good time, always
there for a laugh or a joke. On the other hand, he was also one of the only
guys who I felt comfortbale enough around, in those first months, to talk
more seriously with. Whether you had a problem with school, teachers,
parents, or friends, you could always count on Andy to say the right thing,
and keep it in absolute confidence. As the months wore on, I looked at
Andrew less as an object of lust, and more as a close friend (who just
happened to be gorgeous). By the time it came for us to go home for the
Christmas holidays, I knew that I had settled in to my new life, and was
secure in my network of friends, but I also knew that I would miss them
terribly.

Over the next few years I grew attached to all of the guys I lived with, in
one way or another. A bond developed between myself and Andrew, however
which was unlike any other friendship I had had. Just as my view of him
changed from lust to friendship earlier, I realised over time that my
feelings had turned from friendship to something much deeper. I watched
intently, hoping for some sign that he felt the same way about me, but I
saw nothing. Even when he was comforting me in times of sadness, it never
seemed like anything more than friendly, almost brotherly, affection. After
four of the best years of my life, it was time to complete our final exams
and leave school. I had convinced myself that I would tell him when we were
ready to leave- at least if he completely rejected me I wouldn't have to
see him every day anymore. Still, I couldn't tell him. The thought of
Andrew, who I truly considered one of my best friends, hating me or feeling
uncomfortable around me was too much too risk; I just didn't want to
jeapordise our friendship.

About six months passed after the end of school and it looked as though we
had lost contact. The distance between our two cities, coupled with
university and work commitments made it incredibly difficult to keep in
touch. One night, I was busy with a Law assignment when an ICQ instant
message popped up:

-Robbie, is that you? It's Andrew.

I had to hide my sheer delight from the others in my room, and pretend that
this was just another friend messaging me. On the inside however, I was
almost bursting. I honestly think thats a pretty reliable way of telling if
you're in love- when there doesn't have to be anything sexual at all; when
just seeing someone, hearing their voice, or in this case seeing their
typed words on a screen makes you weak at the knees. I was like that with
Andrew- just being near him made me content and at ease. I really thought
I'd lost him over the last 6 months, and now that we'd found a way to keep
in contact, I was determined not to lose him again. It turned out that Andrew
had only just received his new computer from his parents, but once he did
we were often trading emails and icq messages, and I felt happy again just
having him back in my life. And then came September 15th 2000...

As most of you know Sydney held the Olympic games in 2000, and it was quite
a big deal for most people here in Australia. Andrew's parents held an
Opening Ceremony party at his house, and he invited me to come. I can still
remember how nervous I felt on the way to his house. Would we still be as
comfortable around each other? Would I still be able to hide my feelings
for him after a few drinks? It'd been about 10 months since I'd last seen
him, would I still have feelings for him at all? In fact this last thought
kept running through my head over and over. I knew it would be EASIER if I
didn't feel the way I did about him; maybe after months apart I'll realise
that his smile doesn't make me weak at the knees anymore, and I was making
more of my feelings than they were worth- absence makes the heart grow
fonder, and all that.

That thought though was blown out of the water as soon as he opened his
front door, saw me, smiled, and pulled me into a big hug. In those few
seconds I fell deeper and harder for him than I had even at school. Yes,
his smile still drove me wild and just feeling him pressed next to me made
me realise that this was how I wanted to spend the rest of my life. I let
him go and mingle with the rest of his guests, and I did the same, mostly
just chatting to people I knew, catching up on stories of the past 12
months.

Throughout the course of the night we chatted, drank, watched the amazing
Opening Ceremony and generally had a great time.  Eventually, everyone else
had gone to bed, and it was just Andy and I sitting in his spa talking. I
longed to touch him, to feel him next to me, but I enjoyed simply talking
with him just as much. Again, I realised that my feelings for him were the
real thing. Sitting there in the hot water we managed to laugh, joke,
reminisce about old times, and silly things that we had done and then talk
about politics, law, and travel- I could really talk to him about anything
and everything.

At about 5am, the alcohol, tiredness and hot water became a bit too much
and we decided to go to bed. Seeing as everyone else had retired hours ago,
the only place to stay with disturbing everyone was, you guessed it,
Andrew's room. So, i slept (eventually) on a mattress on his bedroom floor.
Before I fell asleep I had to endure the torture of listening to him
breathe, knowing he was right next to me and this was precisely where I
wanted to be forever, but that I could never be with him.

Now why, I hear you ask, didn't I try something- I was sleeping in his
room, we'd both been drinking, he'd been friendly all night etc. Even in my
drunk state I realised that I was more in love with this gorgeous 18yo than
ever, and there was no way I was willing to jeapordise our friendship. Like
I said before, even without the sexual element, just being friends with him
and knowing that he's close is enough to make me happy. The things I love
about him are the things he gives freely, without needing to be in a
relationship- his smile, his laugh, his advice and support- and for the
moment, just having them was enough. That didn't mean that I didn't spend
the next few months cursing myself, wishing I'd tried something with him,
feeling depressed that I wasn't with him.

We managed to stay in contact through email and icq over the next few
months, running into each other coincidentally in Sydney a few times as
well, and then in January 2001 we went through a very difficult time
together, involving one of our friends (which I'd prefer not to write
about), but all I know is that when we turned to comfort each other at the
same time, holding each other, crying onto each others shoulders, it felt
right. I couldn't bear to see him in pain, and I just wanted to make him
feel better any way I could, and having his arms wrapped tightly around me
comforted me more than anyone could ever know.

When the university year started a month later distance separated us once
again, as we went back to our everyday lives still keeping in touch. Then
Andy dropped his bombshell- he'd decided to take six months off and travel
through America, starting in July. I knew what this meant- NO chance of
seeing him, and very few phone calls. It turned out that even emails were
few and far between because of his constant travelling, meaning that he is
very rarely at a computer, and when he is he always has heaps of people to
write to, so long, personal emails are out of the question. The few emails
and postcards I have received have always brought a smile to my face
though.  We finally organised a time for a phone call about a week ago, and
just hearing his voice, hearing his almost childlike enthusiasm for his
travels, kept me on a high for days. The smile on my face must have said it
all. One of my friends came up to me the day of the call, and said,

-"What's up with you? I haven't seen you this happy in weeks. You've been
talking to Andrew, haven't you?"

I honestly didn't think I was that transparent, but apparently I am.

I realise now though, that I can't keep going like this. As much as I love
him, and as much as his voice can pick me up out of a rut, it's not enough
anymore. For one thing, I'm in the rut BECAUSE of him. I can't stay in a
relationship with any guy, because I always end up comparing them to Andy,
and they lose. So I've decided that no one relationship should mean that I
stuff up the rest of my life- I'm not allowing myself to miss out on other,
potentially rewarding relationships anymore, on the off-chance that Andrew
has feelings for me. And so, when he returns from America in six weeks,
three days and 14 hours, I'm going to confront him. I'm going to tell him
how I feel. If he reciprocates, then I'll feel like an idiot for wasting
the last six years, but at least I'll have my man. If he doesn't feel the
same way, then I'll feel like an idiot for my major case of unrequited
love, but at least I'll have my life...

-------------------------------
AUTHOR'S NOTE:

All of the events in this chapter are TRUE. These things did indeed happen,
the only changes are the names involved. I'm sorry to have rushed through 6
years of my life in one chapter and 16K, but I'm really looking forward to
actually writing the romance part of the story. I understand that I haven't
put much detail in here, but if anyone's interested maybe I can find
somewhere to slip them in later chapters.

Speaking of later chapters, they're up to you. Although this is a labour of
love for me, I won't bother posting if no-one's going to enjoy it. So
please, if you have any comments (good or bad), suggestions, questions etc.
email me on aushotty@yahoo.com so I at least now that people are out there
reading my work

Hopefully I'll hear from you soon, so I can get the next chapter
started...the confrontation, the suspense, the romance, the sex...all
coming up in chapter 2 of "The Love That Never Was"

Cya
Robbie :)