Date: Sat, 11 Aug 2007 12:03:57 -0700 (PDT) From: Kirk Landers <ilj4ever44@yahoo.com> Subject: Phases- part 32 Copyright and Disclaimer: 1. This is a fictional story with fictional characters. 2. No one is to steal this story under any circumstances. 3. This story deals with relationships and not sex, so if you're looking for a story with a lot of sex in it, this isn't the story for you. Hope everyone is doing great as usual. Here's part 32 entitled "Anger and Bargaining." 'ANGER AND BARGAINING' Kurt was out running early in the morning. He didn't sleep that much the night before and he had to do something to try and get his mind off of Nick. As he was running through the park though, all he could do was think about the night Nick died. ****FLASHBACK**** Kurt and Leo just walked inside Nick's place. "Nick?" Kurt called out, but they didn't get a response. ********** Kurt broke out into a sprint, trying his hardest to push those memories out of his mind. ****FLASHBACK**** "Nick? You asleep?" Leo asked as they entered the room. As they got closer they saw that Nick's eyes were open starring blankly at the ceiling. "Kurt-" Leo said with fear. "Oh my God," Kurt sighed then ran up to Nick, "Call 911 Leo!" While Leo was calling for an ambulance Kurt was checking Nick's pulse. "Come on Nick, don't do this to us," Kurt said trying to wake Nick up, but Nick didn't respond. "Get up Nick!" "They're on their way," Leo said kneeling next to Kurt and trying to revive Nick. "Nick wake up!" "Don't you dare do this Nick! Don't you dare leave us!" Kurt screamed shaking Nick. ********** Kurt then slowed down, needing to catch his breath, he then fell almost into a daze, he no longer truly knew what he was doing anymore, he just walked slowly, letting his memories consume him. ****FLASHBACK**** "Is he alive?" Leo asked. "I don't know," Kurt replied. He then started giving Nick mouth to mouth resuscitation. "Come on Nick! Breath!" "Wake up Nick!" Leo cried. "Come on, get up. It's us, we're here to hang out with you so please get up!" Nick didn't respond, he just continued laying there. "Kurt, he's cold," Leo said feeling the side of Nick's cheek. "No, no, no, no, no! Come on Nick!" Kurt screamed, "You have to get up. An ambulance is on it's way! You have to pack! You're moving to San Diego with Luke! Wake up Nick!" "Kurt I think he's dead," Leo said in shock. "No, he's not dead," Kurt shook his head, refusing to believe that, "He's fine! Nick, wake up! If you leave us I swear I will never forgive you!" Leo couldn't say anything, he just started crying uncontrollably. "Nick! No!" Kurt screamed as tears poured down his face. He started to pound Nick's chest to try and get him to breathe, "Don't you even think about doing this to us! You have to get up! Nick!!!!" "Kurt stop!" Leo said grabbing Kurt's arm before he could pound on Nick's chest again. Kurt then buried his face in Nick's chest crying. "Please wake up Nick," Kurt cried. ********** Kurt began to feel sick and suddenly everything turned white and he collapsed to the ground. About four hours later, Ryan and Leo were helping Kurt through the front door of his apartment. "You guys, I'm okay. Really," Kurt said trying to shake them off of him. "I just ran a little too hard." "Kurt, you heard what the doctor said, you've been exhausting yourself," Leo replied. "You haven't been sleeping, you've been consuming yourself with work to distract yourself, you need to just take it easy. Now you heard what the doctor said, no work for a week." "I need to work," Kurt replied. "Claudia will go psycho on me." "No she won't," Leo said. "I already called her while you were with the doctor and explained you would be taking a leave of absence for a bit. She was fine with it." "I don't want to just sit around and do nothing," Kurt said. "Kurt, you need to," Ryan encouraged, "For your own health. Please." "How about I work this week and then next week when Gab is in town I'll rest," Kurt said. "No," Leo said. "You need to just take it easy okay? And you're going to go see a therapist like the doctor suggested." "What? I don't need to do that," Kurt replied. "Yes, you do," Leo said. "I think it will really help you with the grieving process." "Fine, whatever," Kurt sighed. "Are you staying here?" "No I have to get back to work," Leo said. "I have an appointment that I can't miss." "I'll stay if you want," Ryan offered. "You don't have to Ryan," Kurt said. "I know I don't," Ryan replied. "I want to." Kurt smiled, grateful for him. "Well then take care of him for me," Leo said giving Ryan a kiss on the cheek and then giving Kurt a kiss as well. "I'll see you both tonight." Leo then headed off to work as Ryan sat down on the couch with Kurt. "So how about I cook us something?" Ryan asked. "I'm not hungry," Kurt replied. "I just need to take a shower and I'll feel good as new." "It's going to take a lot more then that," Ryan said. "You need to rest." "Ryan, if I rest, I think of Nick," Kurt explained, "And I don't want to think of him." "Makes you too sad?" Ryan asked. "Just gets me mad," Kurt replied. "Mad?" Ryan asked. "Yes," Kurt responded, "It pisses me off." "Because Wayne is still out there somewhere?" Ryan asked. "It's not just about Wayne," Kurt replied. "I'm pissed at Nick too." Before Ryan could respond to that Kurt went into the bathroom to shower. Meanwhile, Leo was at work when Joey came into his office. "Hey, am I too early?" Joey asked walking in. "No, you're right on time," Leo said standing up from his chair to shake Joey's hand. "Thank you for agreeing to see me," Joey said. "Of course," Leo replied. "So what can I help you out with?" "Well, lately I've been thinking a lot about Nick," Joey said. "I see," Leo replied, getting sad at the thought of Nick. "He was a really great person. The best." "Yeah, he was," Joey said. "He really did his best to try and help me and I did nothing. I didn't do anything to try and change or to try and be the man he believed that I could be." "And you want to try again?" Leo asked. "I'm not sure," Joey replied. "I don't know if I can or not. No one believed in me the way Nick did." "Joey, can I be honest with you about something?" Leo asked. "Yeah, of course," Joey replied. "Nick wouldn't have spent the time to try and help you if he didn't see potential in you," Leo said. "And if he really saw that in you then I think that you owe it not only to him, but to yourself to see what you can do." "I don't even know where to start," Joey sighed. "That's why you're here," Leo said. "We're going to figure something out for you." "Really?" Joey asked hopeful. "Yes," Leo replied. "Leo, if I'm just wasting your time, let me know," Joey said. "Because I don't want to be a burden." "You're not," Leo said. "I want to help you." "Thank you," Joey said grateful that maybe there is hope for him. Back at the apartment, Kurt was sitting on the couch watching TV while Ryan was in the kitchen cooking some pasta. "You don't have to cook," Kurt said. "I told you I'm not that hungry." "You need to eat something," Ryan said. "You haven't eaten all day." "I'm fine," Kurt replied. "So, how's Gab doing?" Ryan asked trying to change the subject, even though he didn't particularly want to talk about Gab. "He's fine I guess," Kurt replied. "Haven't really talked to him much." "He been too busy filming?" Ryan asked. "No, he calls I just don't have the time to talk to him," Kurt replied. "Why?" Ryan asked. "I've been busy lately with work and I've been thinking about painting my room so I've been out looking at colors," Kurt replied. "There's just a lot going on." "Sounds like you're avoiding," Ryan said. "Ryan, please don't analyze me," Kurt said. "Kurt, you haven't really talked about him since last week at his apartment," Ryan said. "I don't want to," Kurt replied. "Can we just drop it, please?" "Let me be there for you," Ryan said. "Why?" Kurt asked angrily. "You never once let me be there for you." "Kurt, I've told you already that I'm sorry about that and that I know when to ask for help now," Ryan replied. "But we're not talking about me. We're talking about you. You're hurting and you're going through it by yourself." "Maybe I want to," Kurt said. "Have you thought about that?" "Kurt, when you hurt, I hurt," Ryan said genuinely. "I can't just sit back and watch you suffer like this. It breaks my heart." "I appreciate the concern but I really don't want to talk about Nick," Kurt said. "I don't want to talk about him now or ever again for that matter." "What?" Ryan asked confused by Kurt's last comment. "I never want to talk about Nick again," Kurt said angrily. "Because I hate him." "You don't mean that," Ryan said. "I do," Kurt said. "I hate Nick." "Why?" Ryan asked. "Because he left me," Kurt replied. "He was the one person who was never supposed to leave me. Through out my life men have come in my life and left, Nick was the one who was never supposed to leave." "Kurt, Nick didn't leave on his own free will," Ryan said. "He was killed." "He was stupid," Kurt said. "Why did he let Wayne get close enough to kill him?" "Kurt, don't say that," Ryan said. "You know that it isn't Nick's fault." "It could have been prevented," Kurt said. "This all could have been prevented. The police said there was no sign of forced entry. That means that Nick left the door unlocked. If he wasn't so stupid, this all could have been avoided." "Kurt-" Ryan began, but Kurt cut him off. "This is why I hate him. I hate Nick for leaving me, for being stupid and I hate the police for not being able to find Wayne and I hate myself for not getting there in time to stop it!" Kurt exclaimed. That's when Ryan realized what Kurt was really angry at. He wasn't mad at Nick or the police or even Wayne, he was mad at himself. "It isn't your fault," Ryan said. "You tried to get there in time, but you couldn't." "I could have run faster or done something to get there sooner," Kurt said upset. "If I only just got there sooner." "You did the best you could," Ryan said. "It wasn't good enough," Kurt replied. "Nick is still dead, still gone." "Come here," Ryan said as he wrapped his arms around Kurt. "I should have gotten there sooner," Kurt sighed. "Just rest Kurt," Ryan whispered, "Don't think about it. Don't blame yourself. It's not your fault. Just rest." Ryan laid back on the couch as Kurt laid on top of him wrapped in Ryan's arms. Kurt cried a little more before finally falling asleep. Ryan too fell asleep holding Kurt. The two stayed like that for the remainder of the day. That evening Leo had Joey come with him when he went to go meet Jesse for dinner at his apartment. Through out all the chaos that has happened, Jesse found the time to move back into his place, which was a welcome distraction for Leo. He gladly helped Jesse move back. "Babe, we're here," Leo said opening the door to his apartment. "I'm in the kitchen," Jesse called out. Leo and Joey entered the kitchen to see that Jesse was cooking up a feast. Pork roast, mashed potatoes, steamed vegetables, etc. "Wow, you cooked up a feast in here babe," Leo said giving Jesse a kiss. "Jesse, do you remember Joey from the service last week?" "Oh yeah," Jesse said shaking Joey's hand, "It's nice to see you again. Leo tells me that you're looking to start a new life for yourself." "That's the hope," Joey said. "You'll make it," Leo replied. "Can I use the bathroom to wash up a bit?" Joey asked. "Oh yeah, it's the second door down the hall," Jesse directed. "Thanks," Joey replied as he left the room. "Thanks for having him over," Leo said giving Jesse a hug. "Of course," Jesse replied. "How was work?" "It was good," Leo said. "Joey was there most of the day and we just looked at options he had." "What sort of options?" Jesse asked. "Well, we talked about him going to community college," Leo replied. "How's he going to pay for that?" Jesse asked. "Me," Leo replied. "I'm going to use the money that Nick left me. It's what Nick would have wanted." "That's very sweet of you," Jesse said giving Leo a kiss. "You're doing Joey a big favor." "I just hope it pays off," Leo replied. "I'm sure it will," Jesse answered. "All right, I'm back," Joey said entering the kitchen again. "Just in time," Jesse smiled, "Dinner's ready." "Great," Joey replied. "I'm starving." "Well there's plenty to eat," Jesse said giving Joey a pat on the back as they went to sit down at the table. "Thank you for having me," Joey said putting some food on his plate. "You're welcome," Jesse replied. "So where are you staying?" "Well, I talked to Nick's parents today," Leo answered, "And they can't bring themselves to sell his apartment so they agreed to let Joey stay there." "Wow," Jesse said surprised that Joey would be staying there. "That's really nice of them." "Yeah," Joey said. "I'm really grateful to all of you for doing this. I just hope that I can repay you guys some how." "Just don't give up," Leo said. "That's all you have to do for now to repay us." "Have you told Kurt about all this?" Jesse asked. "No not yet," Leo replied. "Kurt has his own stuff he needs to deal with right now." "Still not doing too good huh?" Jesse asked. "No," Leo sighed. "It's understandable though. I still have my good and bad days." "It'll take time," Jesse said. "But you both will make it through this." "I just am worried that Kurt might not survive this," Leo said. "At least with me, I know that somewhere down the road I'll be okay. I see that light at the end of the tunnel. It's going to take time, but I know that I can get there. But Kurt, he's just so destroyed." "He just needs to realize that he still has you and even Ryan," Jesse said. "Ryan?" Leo asked. "What about Ryan?" "You haven't noticed?" Jesse asked. "Noticed what?" Leo asked. "Ryan has really been the one who's been there for Kurt lately," Jesse replied. "Not Gabriel." "Well, that's because Gabriel is off shooting a movie now," Leo answered. "Wait, Kurt is dating Gabriel Brocks?" Joey asked amazed. "Yeah," Leo replied and then turned his attention back to Jesse. "You think that after all that has happened that Ryan is going to try and win Kurt away from Gabriel?" "I don't know if he's going to do it now, but eventually," Jesse replied. "Never really thought much of it since Nick died," Leo said. "I know that Kurt was confused between the two of them before everything that happened, but since then I felt that Kurt just dropped all that, he's seemed to have dropped everything." "Well, it may just be me, but I think that Ryan and Kurt may be getting back together soon," Jesse sensed. "I doubt it," Leo said. "Not right now." "Besides, who would break up with Gabriel Brocks?" Joey asked, "He's so hot." "Well, how about we just let Kurt have the night to rest and you guys stay here tonight," Jesse suggested. "You sure?" Joey asked. "Yeah," Jesse replied. "Then tomorrow after Kurt has gotten a good night's rest you and Leo can go see him." "Sounds like a plan," Leo said. "Thanks you guys," Joey said. "No problem at all," Leo smiled. The next morning Kurt woke up cuddling with Ryan. He slowly opened his eyes and looked up to see Ryan sleeping, holding him tightly in his arms. Even though he knew it was wrong since he was with Gab, Kurt couldn't help but give a slight smile at waking up with Ryan, he hated to admit it, but he missed it. He missed seeing Ryan's face unshaven and resting peacefully and the soft sound of his breathing. The moment was quickly shattered however by Leo and Joey walking through the front door to find Kurt and Ryan laying together. "What's going on?" Leo asked shocked. "Nothing," Kurt replied jumping up, which woke up Ryan who jumped up as well when he saw Leo and Joey. "Hey guys, what are you doing here?" Ryan asked. "I could ask the same question," Leo replied. "How you doing Joey?" Ryan asked. "Good to see you again." "You too Ryan," Joey smiled. "Kurt, do you remember Joey from the wake?" Leo asked. "Oh yeah," Kurt replied. "Nice to see you." "Kurt, if you have a moment can I talk to you privately?" Leo asked. "Yeah," Kurt replied. "Ryan would you mind entertaining Joey for a bit?" "No problem," Ryan replied. Kurt and Leo then went into Kurt's room so the two can talk. "What's up?" Kurt asked. "Is something going on between you and Ryan?" Leo asked. "No," Kurt replied. "We just fell asleep together is all." "Are you sure?" Leo asked. "Leo, the status of my feelings towards Ryan and Gab have been on the back burner lately," Kurt replied. "I've had other things on my mind." "I know," Leo nodded. "So is that all you wanted to talk to me about?" Kurt asked. "No, I wanted to talk to you about Joey," Leo replied. "Joey? What about him?" Kurt asked. "I'm going to be helping him out a bit," Leo replied. "I'm going to help him find a job and hopefully get him to go to college." "That's very sweet of you," Kurt said. "And I talked to Nick's parents and they're going to let Joey live at Nick's place," Leo said. "What?" Kurt asked not happy about what he heard. "Joey is going to-" Leo began, but Kurt cut him off. "I heard what you said," Kurt said. "Why would you suggest that he live there?" "Kurt, he has no place to live," Leo explained, "He's just been going from one place to the next. He doesn't have a home." "Then find him some place else," Kurt said. "He is not moving into Nick's apartment. That apartment belongs to Nick and Nick only." "Kurt, but Nick is gone," Leo said. "He's only been gone a few weeks and you want to just start renting out his apartment?" Kurt asked upset. "No. I am not okay with that. What are you doing? are you trying to bring this Joey kid into our lives to take Nick's place?" "No, of course not," Leo said. "But I want to help him out. Nick tried to." "If Nick couldn't do it then maybe it can't be done," Kurt said. "If Nick couldn't get through to this kid then no one can." "Yeah, but Joey wants to try and change in honor of Nick," Leo explained. "Then have him do it by living somewhere else and not barging into our lives and trying to replace him," Kurt said clearly pissed. "You're not being fair," Leo scolded. "I don't care," Kurt said. "That apartment is Nick's and I don't want that kid living there. Can't he stay at the shelter at the Center?" "Yeah, but this is a more personal matter for me because Nick knew this kid," Joey said. "I want to do everything I can for him. That's why I think it will be good for him to stay at Nick's. He'll be able to be somewhere nice for a change." "No way," Kurt said shaking his head, "I don't want him there." Outside of Kurt's room, Ryan and Joey couldn't help but overhear their conversation. Joey quickly felt out of place. "Maybe I should go," Joey said. "No," Ryan replied quickly. "No, you being here, trying to sort out your life is exactly what Nick would have wanted. Kurt's just very sensitive towards the subject of Nick right now. He'll come around." "You sure?" Joey asked. "Because it sounds like he doesn't like me much." "He's just hesitant now," Ryan replied. "Losing Nick really shook him up. Just give him time." After Ryan said that Kurt stormed out of the bedroom. "We're not finished talking yet!" Leo called after him. "Yes we are!" Kurt replied grabbing his car keys. "I'm going for a drive." "Kurt, wait," Ryan said running up to Kurt as he walked out the door. "I'll go with you." Kurt and Ryan then left, leaving Leo and Joey in the apartment, both a little flustered about everything. "So I guess I won't be moving into Nick's place," Joey said. "Just let me have more time with him," Leo said. "He'll come around." Kurt and Ryan were walking down to Kurt's car, him complaining the whole time. "Nick just died and he's already trying to give his place away?" Kurt asked. "How is that right?" "He's trying to help Joey," Ryan explained. "And you know that Nick would have wanted that." "I just don't want him staying at Nick's. Anywhere else is fine, but not Nick's," Kurt said. "Kurt!" someone called out from behind them. Ryan and Kurt turned around and were surprised to see Gab coming up to them. "Gab?" Kurt asked. "What are you doing here? I thought you weren't coming here until next week." "I know, but I wanted to surprise you," Gab replied giving him a kiss. He then noticed Ryan, "Hey Ryan." "Hey Gab," Ryan replied. "You look upset Kurt," Gab pointed out. "I am," Kurt said. "I was going out for a drive to try and think things through." "Why don't I drive you?" Gab asked. "I don't think you should be driving in this state of mind." "Well, Ryan and I were actually just on our-" Kurt began, but Ryan cut him off. "You know, I should go back up and talk to Leo and Joey," Ryan said. "You two go." "You sure?" Kurt asked, secretly wanting to go with Ryan instead. "Yeah," Ryan replied. "Call me later if you need anything." "Thanks Ryan," Kurt said giving him a hug. "Good see you again Gab," Ryan said. "You too," Gab replied feeling a little jealous. Ryan then headed up back to the apartment. "So how long are you here for?" Kurt asked. "Just a day," Gab answered. He then gestured back to Ryan, "He's sure been around a lot lately." "He's just being supportive right now," Kurt said. "He was good friends with Nick too." "I see," Gab replied, not sure if that's the whole truth to why Ryan was around so much. "Well, come on. I'll drive and you can tell me what the problem is." Back up at the apartment Leo and Joey were talking when Ryan came in. "I thought you were going with Kurt," Leo said. "Gab showed up," Ryan answered. "Oh," Leo replied understanding. "Gabriel Brocks is downstairs?" Joey asked excited. "No, he just left with Kurt," Ryan said sitting down on the couch. "You really do love Kurt, don't you?" Leo asked. "Yeah," Ryan sighed. "I made a mistake letting him go." "It's not too late," Leo said. "I know, but it's up to him," Ryan said. "I don't want to take him away from Gab if he can be happy with him." "Or he just might end up being happier with you," Leo added. "Well that's for him to decide," Ryan replied. "Are you both sure it's okay that I'm here?" Joey asked. "Yes," Ryan and Leo both replied in unison. "So Joey, tell me what you've been up to?" Ryan asked. "Not much," Joey replied. "Just working." "Joey, I never asked, where do you work?" Leo asked. "It's kind of humiliating," Joey said sheepishly. "What is it?" Ryan asked. "I work at this gay strip club," Joey said embarrassed. "You're a stripper?" Leo asked worried. "No," Joey said quickly, "I just serve drinks, but I might as well be a stripper for all the crap I have to put up with there." "Oh Joey," Ryan sighed, "That isn't the place for you." "Yeah," Leo added. "You have to quit that job. We'll find you something better, something more suitable for an eighteen year old." "Why are you working at a place like that anyway?" Ryan asked. "It's humiliating," Joey said, "But I get okay money from it and it was the only place that would hire me." "Well, we'll find you something else," Leo said determined. "I promise." Meanwhile, Gab and Kurt were walking along the private strip of beach that Gab owned quietly holding hands. "So, do you want to tell me what's bothering you?" Gab asked. "You've been quiet this whole time. I thought we were going to talk." "I know," Kurt replied. "My head is just spinning right now with everything. It's like everything is going crazy and the only thing holding it all together was Nick." "What's going on?" Gab asked. "There's this kid and Nick helped him out a couple times and now Leo is trying to help him," Kurt explained, "Leo wants this kid to move into Nick's apartment." "What's wrong with that?" Gab asked. "Everything," Kurt replied. "It's Nick's apartment." "Babe, it isn't really Nick's apartment anymore," Gab said gently. "I just don't want him there," Kurt said. "Is this about the apartment or about this kid?" Gab asked. "What's his name?" "Joey," Kurt answered. "Do you think that if Joey moves into Nick's place then that just makes him that much more a part of your life?" Gab asked. Kurt didn't say anything. "This goes back to those abandonment issues again huh?" Gab asked. "Once again another important person in your life left and you don't want to let another person in." "It's hard for me to open up to someone else again," Kurt replied. "You don't have to open your heart up to him right away," Gab said. "Just take baby steps. Just start by getting to know him. I know I didn't know Nick well, but if he felt this kid was worth helping, then there must be something pretty special about him right?" "That's what everyone else keeps telling me," Kurt said. "Just take a chance to get to know him," Gab suggested. "I'll think about it," Kurt replied. "Thanks." "I know this isn't really the time to be talking about this, but can I ask you something?" Gab asked. "Yeah," Kurt replied. "Is there something going on between you and Ryan?" Gab asked. "I'm sorry, but I just have to ask." Kurt was silent for a moment not sure how to answer that. While him and Ryan haven't acted on their feelings for each other, there are feelings there, feelings that he can't deny. "I haven't cheated on you," Kurt lied. "If that's what you're asking." Kurt didn't want to mention when Ryan had kissed him a little while ago. "I'm not just asking that," Gab said. "Do you have feelings for him?" "He's a big part of my life Gab," Kurt explained, "Of course there are feelings for him." "Do you still love him?" Gab asked. "Gab, this isn't the time to be talking about this," Kurt replied avoiding the question. "I'm with you. Can you take me home? I should talk to Leo." "Yeah, sure," Gab sighed not very happy with the answer he got. As they walked back to the car Kurt not only was starting to feel depression for Nick, but also for what he's putting Gab through. When they got back to Kurt's place, Kurt got out of the car, but was surprised that Gab didn't get out too. "Are you coming in?" Kurt asked. "I think I'm going to go home," Gab replied. "I want to sleep there, get some rest. I'll call you later though." "Are you sure?" Kurt asked. "Yeah," Gab replied. "I'll talk to you later." "Bye," Kurt said giving Gab a kiss goodbye. As Kurt went inside Gab sighed, knowing that he was starting to lose Kurt. When Kurt walked inside the apartment, Leo, Ryan and Joey all quickly jumped off the couch in the living room they were relaxing in. "We didn't expect you back so soon," Leo said. "We were just leaving." "It's okay," Kurt said. "You guys can stay, you too Joey." "Thanks," Joey said with an uncomfortable smile. As much as Kurt wanted to be friendly and try to talk to Joey, he just couldn't bring himself too. "I'm just going to be in my room," Kurt said as he quietly walked past them and into his room closing the door behind him. Kurt sat down on his bed and curled up with a pillow as he looked on his bedside table at a picture of him, Leo and Nick together in happier times. "I should have been there sooner," Kurt said quietly. "I'm sorry Nick." Next to the picture of him with Leo and Nick was a picture of him and Gab. Seeing the photo made Kurt feel worse, for he knew how unfair it was to Gab for him to still have feelings for Ryan. At the same time though, he couldn't help but feel more relaxed, more taken care of and more comforted when he's with Ryan. "Can I come in?" Leo asked as he opened the door slightly. "Yeah," Kurt replied sitting up in his bed. "How you doing?" Leo asked. "Just sad," Kurt replied. "I just have been going through all these emotions and I can't get a grip on them. One minute I'm angry, then I'm depressed, then I'm angry again. I don't mean to take it out on Joey, but I can't help but feel like you're trying to replace Nick with him." "I'm not," Leo said. "No one can ever replace Nick. He was our best friend. I would never try to replace." "How have you moved on already?" Kurt asked. "What?" Leo asked. "How is it that you have moved on from Nick's death?" Kurt asked. "Look at you. You seem fine, back to normal. How is that possible?" "You think I've moved on from his death?" Leo asked. "Yeah," Kurt replied. "You've been going around fine lately like nothing is bothering you." "Kurt, you have no idea how in pain I am over his death," Leo said. "I wake up every morning and hope that all of this has been a dream and that Nick will still be alive. I still half expect to get a phone call from him wanting to hang out." "Then why don't you show it?" Kurt asked. "I would like to know that I'm not the only one who feels like their drowning." "I have been dealing with it differently," Leo said vaguely. "What do you mean?" Kurt asked. "Nothing I want you to worry about," Leo replied. "Just know that I found a way to deal with it and that I'm just going to need you to trust me that once I deal with it, everything will be all right. But I am sad, incredibly sad. I miss him just as much as you do." "Why don't you ever tell me these things?" Kurt asked. "Because you're going through a hard enough time dealing with this," Leo replied. "You don't need my extra baggage on you too." "It would help," Kurt said. "It would?" Leo asked. "Yeah," Kurt replied. "It would help to know that I'm not alone." "You're not," Leo said taking Kurt's hand in his. "We're always in this together. We lost our best friend, you know that I'm always here for you." "I know I haven't been the most welcoming to Joey," Kurt said. "It's just hard to imagine opening my heart up to someone again, it seems like doing that just puts me at risk for more hurt." "Well, maybe you don't start with opening up your heart," Leo said. "Just talk to him. Get to know him and see what it was that Nick saw in him." "I know," Kurt said. "You're right." "I have something to show you," Leo said holding up a small stack of papers he was holding. "What is it?" Kurt asked. "Look," Leo replied handing the papers to him. Kurt looked at the first page with the title 'Phases' written on the top, then underneath 'by Leo Washington.' "What is this?" Kurt asked flipping through the pages to see that it was the beginnings of a script. "Remember when Nick suggested that I write a script?" Leo asked. "Yeah," Kurt replied. "I finally started," Nick said. "And this has kind of been my way of dealing with his death." "I had no idea you were doing this," Kurt said. "Yeah, I didn't tell anyone," Leo said. "But it's helped me." "That's really great that you've started this," Kurt said. "Thank you," Leo replied. "I should start trying to move on too," Kurt said. "I should try to talk to Joey." "He's out in the living room with Ryan," Leo said. "Want to come talk to him?" "Okay," Kurt nodded, knowing it's what Nick would have wanted him to do. They got up from Kurt's bed and made their way to the door, but before they opened it, Kurt turned to Leo. "By the way, it's okay with me if he moves in to Nick's place." Leo gave Kurt a smile knowing how hard it was for him to come to terms with that decision. The two then headed into the living room and for the first time Kurt got a chance to get to know Joey. While it started out rocky at first Kurt saw in the end that Joey was a good kid. ***************************************************************************************** To Be Continued... Hope you are all enjoying the new direction the story has been heading in. I know that many are still upset over it, but I really do feel that this will give the story more potential for more interesting chapters. With any comments, questions or feedback please e-mail me at ilj4ever44@yahoo.com Thank you all so much for reading, I promise I'm trying my best to not disappoint.