Date: Tue, 2 Oct 2007 14:55:19 -0700 (PDT) From: Kirk Landers <ilj4ever44@yahoo.com> Subject: Phases- parts 39 & 40 Copyright and Disclaimer: 1. This is a fictional story with fictional characters. 2. No one is to steal this story under any circumstances. 3. This story deals with relationships and not sex, so if you're looking for a story with a lot of sex in it, this isn't the story for you. Here's the season 3 finale. Hope you all enjoyed it. This set has really been about transition and then the final installments will wrap the stories up and hopefully give an ending that you will all enjoy. I wrote these last two chapters separately, but I thought it flowed better to have them combined as one big installment instead, so here's 39 & 40 entitled, "The Real Me" 'THE REAL ME' At Kurt and Ryan's apartment, Leo has been staying there for the past two days. Him and Kurt were sitting by the telephone, both tempted to pick it up to call Jesse and Ryan who have been staying together. "Maybe we shouldn't," Kurt said as he was holding the phone. Meanwhile, over at Jesse and Leo's place, Ryan and Jesse were sitting by the phone as well debating on calling Kurt and Leo. "You would think they would have called by now," Jesse said holding the phone. Over at Kurt and Ryan's. "You know, they should be more understanding of why we acted the way we did," Leo said. Back at Jesse and Leo's. "But they probably just have way too much pride to pick up the phone or come here and talk to us," Ryan pointed out. Back over at Kurt and Ryan's place. "We did lie to them though," Kurt said. A few blocks away at Leo and Jesse's place. "And we should take into account that it was a very emotional situation for them," Jesse said. At Kurt and Ryan's. "But they still shouldn't have just separated themselves from us," Leo said. "And Ryan definitely shouldn't have just left you considering your abandonment issues." Back at Leo and Jesse's place. "They shouldn't have lied to us," Ryan brought up. Over at Kurt and Ryan's apartment. "We shouldn't have lied to them," Kurt said. Back at Leo and Jesse's. "But we should have just talked it out with them instead of just leaving," Jesse pointed out. At Kurt and Ryan's. "And they didn't even try to just ask us if we were okay or put our feelings about the situation into account," Leo said. Leo and Jesse's place. "I'm going to call them," Jesse said as he started dialing their number. Kurt and Ryan's place. "I'm going to call them," Kurt said dialing their phone number. At Leo and Jesse's apartment. Jesse just got a busy signal on the phone. "I can't get through. Maybe it's a sign. Maybe I shouldn't call." At Kurt and Ryan's. Kurt just got a busy signal on the phone. "I can't get through. Maybe it's a sign. Maybe I shouldn't call." Back at Leo and Jesse's apartment. Jesse set the phone down and sat down on the couch next to Ryan. "I miss them," Jesse sighed. Back at Kurt and Ryan's place. "I miss them," Kurt sighed. The next morning Kurt was sitting at the kitchen table reading the newspaper and eating cereal. "Morning," Leo said walking into the kitchen all dressed for work. "Hey," Kurt said. "So how are you feeling? Nervous?" Leo asked. "A little bit," Kurt replied. "Especially with everything going on between us and Ryan and Jesse, it's going to be hard for me to concentrate on interviewing Gab." "Well, you'll be fine," Leo said. "Glad to hear someone has confidence in me," Kurt said. "Cause I sure don't." "Don't be like that," Leo scolded. "You're interviewing him because you did such a great job last time and if I remember correctly, you weren't in the best of moods when you interviewed him the first time either." "Yeah, but that time he wasn't my ex-boyfriend," Kurt said. "Just be friendly, be professional, and be yourself," Leo said. "Easy for you to say," Kurt sighed. "I don't want to do this. What was I thinking?" "You were thinking that you want to stay on your boss' good side," Leo pointed out. "Does she even have one?" Kurt asked. Kurt then got up from the table and went to the kitchen counter where he saw some papers stacked up on the top piece of paper there was a title 'Phases by Leo Washington' written on it. "Leo did you finish your script?" Kurt asked excited. "Don't look at it!" Leo said grabbing the papers, "It's stupid." "When did you finish it?" Kurt asked. "Yesterday," Leo replied. "That's great," Kurt smiled. "You've been working on it for a long time." "Yeah, but I'm sure it's no good," Leo said. "Why do you say that?" Kurt asked. "Because it's the first thing I've ever written," Leo replied. "What's it about?" Kurt asked. "Us," Leo said. "You, Nick and me." "Really?" Kurt asked touched. "Yeah," Leo said. "As I wrote I really started to enjoy it. Made me rethink the whole 'acting bug' I had." "You haven't talked about acting in a while," Kurt mentioned, "Is it something you still want to do?" "A little bit," Leo said. "But since I got that job at the Center, my passions in life have changed." "Well,considering I write for a living," Kurt said. "Maybe I can help you with your script." "But I don't know if I want you to read it," Leo said embarrassed. "Leo, I'm your best friend," Kurt said. "If I can't read it then who can? Besides, it's good to see you pursuing your dreams." "What about you?" Leo asked. "What are you talking about?" Kurt asked. "You always dreamed about writing books," Leo replied. "Why haven't you pursued anything with that instead of writing for a magazine and for a boss you don't like?" "Because it pays the bills," Kurt said. "I think you and I need to start focusing more on what we want to do with our lives," Leo said. "You're right," Kurt said. "But I can't afford to do that right now. I have to go interview Gab." "Good luck," Leo said. "Thanks," Kurt replied as he grabbed his car keys and left. Leo then looked through the script he started to write and wondered if it actually did have any potential. Meanwhile, over at Jesse and Leo's place, Ryan and Jesse were eating breakfast together. "So I've been thinking," Ryan said. "Yeah? About what?" Jesse asked. "Remember when you asked me which was more important, getting married or being with Kurt?" Ryan asked. "Yeah," Jesse said. "Well, I really want to get married," Ryan said. "That's the life I see for myself. I want that and I want a family." "And what if Kurt doesn't want that?" Jesse asked. "Could you really say goodbye to him again?" "Well, if he doesn't want that, then we probably aren't right for each other," Ryan said. "You have a point," Jesse said. "And to be honest, since the other day I've been really wondering if Kurt and I are even good for each other," Ryan said. "What do you mean?" Jesse asked. "You saw that look in their eyes when they were with Wayne," Ryan said. "Are those really the type of guys we're with?" "They were just angry," Jesse said. "The rage took them over. We can't hold that against them." "I don't know," Ryan said. "I'm just thinking that maybe I don't know Kurt as well as I thought I did." "Don't be crazy," Jesse said. "You know Kurt inside and out. We can't hold what we saw the other day against them. I'm sure they've cooled off by now so the four of us should just get together and talk." "I suppose you're right," Ryan said. "I still can't help but feel that it might not be right between Kurt and me." "What other things about you two are bothering you?" Jesse asked. "Well, I think what Leo said to me is right," Ryan said. "I have this tendency to be in situations where I end up walking away from him. First it was me going to Florida, then I came back and then left him again because I was confused with my life, and then now I left him again after that whole situation. He has so many fears about people leaving him and I don't want to hurt him again." Before Jesse could respond to that, there was a knock on the door. Jesse opened it up and was surprised to see Kurt. "Hey, how are you?" Jesse asked. "Good," Kurt replied. "Well, better at least. Can I come in?" "Yeah sure," Jesse said he then called over to Ryan, "Look who's here." "Hi," Kurt said when he spotted Ryan. "Hey," Ryan said surprised. "Is this a bad time?" Kurt asked. "No," Jesse said. "I'll give you two some privacy. I'm going to go." He put on his jacket and left the apartment leaving Kurt and Ryan alone. "So how are you doing?" Ryan asked. "Honestly, not so good," Kurt replied. "I feel really bad for what happened the other day." "Yeah?" Ryan asked. "Yes," Kurt said. "I'm sorry Ryan." "Sorry for what?" Ryan asked. "There's a few things I'm upset at you for." "For lying," Kurt said. "What else are you mad at me for?" "For what you did to Wayne," Ryan said. "Seriously?" Kurt asked almost insulted. "You're mad at me for the way I treated Wayne? He deserved a lot worse. I am not going to apologize for that." "What?" Ryan asked. "You were going to kill him." "We wouldn't have killed him," Kurt replied. "You don't know that," Ryan said. "I saw the hate in you. You could have killed him." "We weren't going to kill him," Kurt said. "Stop saying that and stop defending him." "Kurt, what I saw in you the other day was something I've never seen from you before," Ryan said. "And honestly, I don't know if I can deal with that." "What?" Kurt asked shocked to hear Ryan say that. "I've been wanting to talk to you about something for a while," Ryan said. "And I don't know if this is the best time, but I need to know." "Know what?" Kurt asked. "Kurt, do you really want to get married?" Ryan asked. "I know you told me that you would say yes if I asked you, but is that true? Do you really want to get married?" "Whoa," Kurt said surprised, "Where did this conversation come from?" "I really need to know," Ryan said. "I don't know," Kurt said. "Like I've told you before, it was never something I thought of. I can't just give you an answer right now, I need to think about it." "I need an answer," Ryan said. "It doesn't have to be right now, but I do need an answer." "So what are you saying?" Kurt asked. "If I don't want to get married then it's over?" "I don't know," Ryan sighed. "All I know is that if we really want different things in life then we should talk about where this relationship is going." "I can't believe this," Kurt sighed. "After everything we've been through, you would really leave me just because I don't want to get married." "It's not just the marriage, it's having a family too," Ryan said. "I want a family." "You have a family," Kurt said. "You have Sydney." "I want another kid," Ryan said. "One that I could be with all the time and I know that you aren't big on kids." "You are unbelievable!" Kurt said angrily. "I have to go." Kurt then turned to walk out, but Ryan stopped him. "I'm sorry Kurt," Ryan said. "But I do need an answer." "I can't do this now," Kurt said and then slammed the door behind him as he walked out. Meanwhile, Leo was in his office when Joey came in. "Hey, is this a bad time?" Joey asked. "No, come on in," Leo replied. "I just wanted to come here and tell you thank you for everything," Joey said. "You've already thanked me Joe," Leo said. "But I just wanted to say thank you again, for both me and Hank," Joey said. "Yesterday him and I went out all day and found him a job." "Oh great!" Leo said. "Where at?" "He's a clerical assistant at a small law firm," Joey replied. "That's great," Leo said. "I'm sorry I've been so busy that I couldn't help you guys more." "No, you've done more than enough," Joey said. "You gave me a place to stay until I got on my feet." "Well you're welcome to stay there as long as you want," Leo said. "Actually, I think it's best if I get out of there soon," Joey said. "What? Why?" Leo asked. "Look at me now," Joey said. "I have a good job, I'm going to take some night courses to get my bachelor's degree and now Hank is starting to get on his feet too. It's time we try to take the next step and make it on our own." "Yeah, but you two haven't been working that long yet," Leo said. "Are you sure you're ready to go out on your own?" "Positive," Joey said. "You guys did enough. It's time we do the rest on our own." "Joey, what brought about this change so suddenly?" Leo asked. "I have a feeling you're not telling me the whole story." "I don't know what you mean," Joey lied as he lingered by the front door. "Joey, come on," Leo said. "Sit down and talk to me." "Fine," Joey sighed. "The thing is, Hank and I are just really uncomfortable with what you and Kurt did." "What?" Leo asked shocked. "Are you talking about Wayne?" "Yeah," Joey said. "You guys tried to kill him." "Oh my God," Leo replied. "If one more person says we tried to kill him--" "I'm not saying you didn't have any reason for wanting to," Joey quickly said. "I can't even imagine what it was like seeing the guy who killed Nick, but you and Kurt just completely went off and almost-" "We wouldn't have killed him," Leo interrupted. "Even so," Joey said. "It's really made us uncomfortable. Especially for me. You and Kurt were like my mentors and to see you guys change like that..." "So you just don't want to be around Kurt and me anymore?" Leo asked. "No," Joey replied. "Not right now at least. I think you and Kurt have some stuff you need to work through and besides, Hank and I need to learn to make it on our own anyway." "I can't believe this," Leo said hurt. "After everything, you're just going to up and leave?" "I'm sorry," Joey said. "But seeing what happened with Wayne scared me and I don't want to be scared of you guys. So I just need some time." "Okay, but if you ever change your mind then just call me or Kurt," Leo said. "Thank you," Joey said. "I should be moved out within the next month or so." "Okay," Leo said. "So are you saying goodbye for good?" "I don't know," Joey said. "I'm sure we'll see each other down the road. It just depends where life takes me I guess." "Well, I'm sorry for scaring you," Leo said. "Take care of yourself." "Yeah, you too," Joey replied sadly, he was not only saying goodbye to a friend, but to a role model, a mentor, a father-figure. After Joey left Leo sat in his desk in shock not knowing exactly what to feel. Jesse then came and knocked on the door. "Can I talk to you?" Jesse asked. "Sure," Leo said. "How are you?" "I'm okay I guess," Jesse said. "Would be better if you were back home. How are you?" "I'm not too sure actually," Leo sighed. "I thought you wanted some space from me." "Leo, I came here to make up," Jesse said. "Can we both just put what happened behind us? We both did things that we regret." "I know," Leo said, after what Joey said to him he realized that he did things he regretted and did feel bad for what he did to Jesse. "I shouldn't have lied to you." "And I should have been more supportive when you were obviously very upset," Jesse said. "I shouldn't have just left." "Jesse, do you know what it was like to see him? To see the man who killed my best friend?" Leo asked. "I know," Jesse said. "It must have been hard for you." "It was," Leo said. "And it would have been nice for you to show a little more compassion." "It also would have been nice if you didn't lie to me," Jesse retorted. "I know," Leo sighed. "I just felt abandoned by you Jesse. I felt the same way I did before we first broke up. I felt like you didn't really understand me or wanted to be there for me." "I do," Jesse said. "Believe me, I do want to be there for you." "Yeah?" Leo asked. "Yes," Jesse replied. "Can we just both admit we made mistakes and just move on?" "Yeah," Leo nodded giving Jesse a hug. "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry too," Jesse replied. The two then shared a kiss with one another and held each other tightly. Meanwhile, Kurt went over to Gab's house to do his interview. He was too pissed off with Ryan to even be worried about the interview anymore. When he walked up to the front door he pounded on it angrily. "Whoa!" Gab said opening the door. "Take it easy." "Sorry," Kurt said. "Rough morning. Let's get this interview over with." "Nice to see you too," Gab said as Kurt walked into his place. "Do you want a drink?" "No," Kurt said. "I just want to do this and leave, so can we get started?" "What's your problem?" Gab asked. "Nothing," Kurt snapped. "Where do you want to do this interview?" "Maybe we should just cancel," Gab said. "You're clearly not in a good mood." "Gab, the only thing that would make this day worse is if you canceled and therefore causing my boss to throw a bitch fit at me," Kurt said. "So sit down and lets do this damn interview." "I'm not going to do any interview until you tell me what your problem is," Gab said. "Is it with me?" "No," Kurt said. "It's nothing. I'm sorry." Kurt then started to calm down a bit, he took a deep breath to relax. "What's wrong?" Gab asked. "Is everything all right?" "No," Kurt said. "There's just some stuff going on in my personal life." "Ryan?" Gab asked. "I really don't feel comfortable talking about this with you," Kurt replied. "So can we just do the interview please?" "Just tell me what's wrong and maybe I can help you out," Gab offered. "Gab, you don't want to hear about my problems with Ryan," Kurt said. "Sure I do," Gab said trying to be friendly. "Come on, it looks like you can use someone to talk to." "All right," Kurt sighed. "Well, Ryan wants to get married and have a family." "Really?" Gab asked. "That's great right?" "Yeah, except for the fact that I'm not sure if that's what I want," Kurt replied. "I love Ryan and want to be with him, but I never wanted to get married before or have a family." "Just tell him that," Gab suggested. "Easier said then done," Kurt replied. "If I tell him that, then we're over." "Oh," Gab sighed understanding. "Well, maybe you two can come to some sort of compromise." "What kind of compromise can you come to for something like that?" Kurt asked. "Good point," Gab said. "Well, you just have to look at it this way; if it's meant to be then it will be." "I hate that," Kurt sighed. "Sorry, it's the best that I've got," Gab replied. "I guess I'm not that much help huh?" "I just try to think back to as far as I could remember and I can't think of a time where I ever really wanted to get married," Kurt said. "It was never something I fantasized about or hoped for." "Well, you have to be true to yourself," Gab said. "That's all that really matters in the end." "I know," Kurt said, "But then does that mean I have to say goodbye to Ryan?" "That's his call," Gab said. "If you decide that you don't want to get married, he has to decide if his wanting for that is strong enough to where he feels he should leave." "Is that something you want?" Kurt asked. "In your future do you see marriage and a family?" "Honestly? No," Gab replied. "I like kids, but I don't think I'd ever want one and with out any of that then marriage is nothing more than a piece of paper so what's the point?" "That's how I feel," Kurt said. "Maybe then you should be with someone who wants the same things as you," Gab replied hinting that he still is in love with Kurt. "Yeah," Kurt said not paying attention to the hint that Gab was giving him. "Sorry, we're focusing way too much on me. I need to interview you now." "Okay," Gab said hiding his longing with a smile. Kurt the proceeded to interview him and try to keep his mind off of his future with Ryan. Later that day, Ryan was sitting in his office, but he could hardly concentrate on work. All he could think about was Kurt and what was going to happen with them. He was luckily interrupted by a student knocking on his door. "Excuse me," the student said, "Are you Mr. Sanchez?" "Yeah, but call me Ryan," he said welcoming the girl into his office. "You're a college student now, you don't have to be so formal with me. What's your name?" "Dakota Lincoln," she said as she ran her hands threw her long blonde hair. "I made an appointment with you two days ago." "Oh yes," Ryan said as he checked his schedule. "You wanted help with a personal matter." "Yeah," Dakota said. "Is it okay that I'm here? I know you guidance counselors usually discuss more education-based problems than personal." "It's perfectly fine that you're here Dakota," Ryan said reassuringly. "What can I help you with?" "I've been really depressed lately and it's affecting every aspect of my life," Dakota sighed. "Do you know what it is you're depressed about?" Ryan asked. "Yeah," Dakota replied. "It's my ex-boyfriend." "Is he giving you trouble?" Ryan asked. "No," Dakota answered quickly, "It's the opposite. Him and I haven't spoken since we broke up." "And that's a bad thing for you?" Ryan asked. "Yes, because I love him," Dakota said. "We didn't break-up because we didn't love each other any more." "Oh?" Ryan asked. "Does your depression have to do with the reason behind the break-up?" "Yes," Dakota said. "You see, I got pregnant and he was really excited about it. It was really cute." "Ok," Ryan said trying to understand where Dakota is going with this. "But I'm a college student," Dakota said. "I'm here to get an education to try and work towards a better future for myself. If I had the baby then I would have never been able to have the energy right now to take care of it and to go to school. So I had an abortion." "I see," Ryan said. "Well, as you can imagine Dane, that's his name, wasn't happy. He thought it had something to do with him and that I didn't want his child," Dakota said. "I tried to explain it to him, but he didn't understand. He said he wants to start a family and that I took that away from him. So he broke up with me." "And now you're depressed," Ryan said. "Yes," Dakota said. "Dane was the love of my life. Every day I wonder if I made a mistake, if I should have kept the baby." "Dakota," Ryan began, "I know this is tough for you to deal with. It's never easy to deal with a break-up, but you have to be true to yourself. If you weren't ready or you don't want kids then you have to make that decision for yourself. Don't compromise your wants and needs for anyone." "But I miss him so much," Dakota sighed. "I feel like I can't function with out him. Have you ever had someone like that? Someone who just makes the world seem brighter?" "Yeah," Ryan smiled. "That's what he was to me and now I ruined it," Dakota said. "You didn't ruin it," Ryan assured her. "It just sounds like you and Dane both want different things. I know it's hard now, but I promise, it will get better." "But what do I do?" Dakota asked. "I feel like I can't do anything now." "I want you to try some stuff out for me," Ryan said. "Between today and next week when I want you to come back and see me again, I want you to write down your goals in life. Start with short term and then next time we'll discuss more long term goals." "What's that supposed to do?" Dakota asked. "It's so you can have written documentation of all the things you decided to work for and the things you need to be focusing on now instead of your past relationship," Ryan replied. "I know it's hard to move on, but you will. You chose to not have a baby to work towards something else in life. I want you to write down what that is. Can you do that for me?" "Yeah," Dakota nodded. "Good," Ryan smiled. "Next week we'll discuss your future plans. But just hang in there Dakota. You'll be okay." "Thanks Ryan," Dakota said feeling better to know she has someone to talk to. Ryan took Dakota's story to heart, he knows that he has to be true to what he wants, as much as he doesn't want to say goodbye to Kurt he has to if he has any hope of getting the future he envisioned for himself. After Kurt was done with his interview with Gab the two were walking to the front door and catching up. "Well, I'm glad to hear that you're doing well Gab," Kurt said sincerely. "Thanks," Gab replied. "I have to admit I was really nervous coming here today," Kurt said. "Why's that?" Gab asked. "Because of our history," Kurt replied. "I'll admit that I was also nervous," Gab said. "Yeah?" Kurt asked. "Yeah, but not exactly for the same reasons as you," Gab replied. "What do you mean?" Kurt asked. "I miss you," Gab confessed. "I really miss you." "Gab," Kurt sighed not knowing how to respond to that. "I know you're with Ryan, but if he doesn't want the same things as you, then shouldn't you be with someone who does?" Gab asked. "I can be that someone." "Gab, you're a great guy," Kurt said. "A really great guy and anyone would be so lucky to be with you." "Why do I have the feeling that the word 'but' is going to come up here?" Gab asked. "But I'm in love with Ryan," Kurt replied. "If him and I break-up then I won't be able to see anyone for a while. It'll be too hard." "I see," Gab sighed sadly. "I'm sorry," Kurt said giving Gab a kiss on the cheek. "I should go. Take care Gab." "Yeah," Gab sighed. "You too." As Kurt was walking down the driveway, Gab called out to him. "Kurt!" Kurt turned back to look at him. "You deserve the best," Gab called out. "I hope you get it." Kurt smiled gratefully before turning to leave. Jesse meanwhile, was at work when his mom stopped by his office. "Hey mom," Jesse said giving his mom a kiss on the cheek. "How are you?" "Not so great sweety," Helen said. "We need to talk." "What is it?" Jesse asked concerned. "Is it Dad? Is he okay?" "He's fine honey," Helen said. "It's about your brother." "What about him?" Jesse asked. "Is Mark okay?" "He got kicked out of school," Helen said. "He got kicked out of NYU?" Jesse asked. "What did he do?" "He was caught having sex in the science department," Helen sighed. "Oh God," Jesse sighed. "So is he coming back home?" "Sort of," Helen said. "That's why I wanted to talk to you." "What do you mean?" Jesse asked. "Well, your father is obviously very upset right now," Helen said, "And he told Mark the he's cut off financially and can't come home until he proves that he's a mature young man." "Okay," Jesse said not following where his mom was going. "So we were hoping that he could stay with you for a while," Helen said. "What?!" Jesse asked. "Mom I don't think that's a good idea." "Honey, he's your little brother," Helen said. "Can't you put aside your differences? Maybe this will be a good chance for you two to make up with one another." "No mom," Jesse said, "You remember how he was as a teenager and you know what he did that I got blamed for." "I know, but he wants to make it up to you," Helen said. "He was excited about the idea of moving in with you for a bit." "Mom, I almost went to jail for what he did," Jesse said, "Now he expects to just come and be a good brother?" "He wants to try," Helen said. "He's been asking about you lately." "He has?" Jesse asked. "Yeah, he felt bad that he never came to see you when you were in a coma," Helen replied. "Really?" Jesse asked. "Really," Helen said. "Please Jesse. He's your only brother." "I have to talk it over with Leo first," Jesse said. "Okay," Helen said. "Call me and let me know?" "Fine," Jesse said reluctantly. "Thank you honey," Helen said giving Jesse a kiss on the cheek. In the afternoon Kurt was back home, sitting in his room and looking through his old high school yearbook when Leo came in. "Hey," Leo said sitting on Kurt's bed. "So Joey came in to see me today at work." "Oh yeah?" Kurt asked. "Yeah," Leo replied. "He's out of our lives." "What?" Kurt asked not sure if he heard Leo correctly. "He pretty much said that he couldn't believe what we did to Wayne and was scared of us and needed to separate himself from us," Leo answered. "So he's gone?" Kurt asked. "Yeah," Leo said. "We drove him away." "God," Kurt sighed. "That's the last thing I needed to hear." "I'm sorry," Leo said. "I guess we really did go too far huh?" "Yeah," Kurt replied. "I think so." "I still can't believe Joey doesn't want to be around us anymore," Leo said. "I should call and apologize to him," Kurt said. "Yeah, but maybe later," Leo said. "Let him cool down a bit." "Okay," Kurt said. "How did the interview go?" Leo asked. "It was fine," Kurt replied. "Better than expected. I had another crisis that distracted me most of the time though." "Another crisis?" Leo asked. "What is it?" "Ryan," Kurt replied. "You and him have a fight?" Leo asked. "No, not really," Kurt replied. "But our relationship is definitely in jeopardy." "Why?" Leo asked concerned. "The m-word came up," Kurt replied. "Marriage." "Oh," Leo said, "He wants to get married and you don't." "Pretty much," Kurt said. "Kurt, what's the big deal?" Leo asked. "All marriage is, is a piece of paper." "It's not the getting married part that I'm worried about," Kurt replied. "It's the family thing. Ryan wants kids and he wants us to be a family. I never wanted kids." "Never?" Leo asked. "No, never," Kurt replied, he then held up his yearbook, "I've been looking at my past to see if I could ever remember a time when I wanted that. I never did." "Is that your old yearbook?" Leo asked. "Yeah," Kurt replied. Leo took the book and began to look through it, he flipped through some pictures and saw a picture of Nick with a crown in one photo with the caption 'Nick Doherty- Prom King' and the picture of Kurt had the caption 'Kurt Parker- Prom Prince.' "You and Nick won prom titles?" Leo asked. "Yeah," Kurt replied. "That year Nick got prom king cause he was a senior, I was a couple years younger so I was only crowned prince." Leo then started looking at some of the yearbook inscriptions. One said, 'Dear Kurt, you are the coolest. Thanks for talking to me.' Another said, 'Dear Kurt, thank you for letting me join your group.' "You're group?" Leo asked laughing. "It's stupid, but Nick and I had a little group of friends we hung with," Kurt replied. "I guess we were considered the 'cool kids'. It's no big deal." Kurt then remembered his high school years. When Nick was a senior and he was a junior the two of them ruled the school. It was weird for Kurt at the time because he never really expected it, when he became friends with Nick he didn't realize he was making friends with the most popular guy in school. At this time, neither one of them were out of the closet to anyone but each other so every girl wanted them. ****FLASHBACK**** It was 1998 and Nick, Kurt pulled up into the parking lot in Nick's car. They got out and a few of their followers quickly went up to them. "Hey Nick. Hi Kurt," one of them said trying to kiss up to them. "Hey," they both replied cooly. Nick and Kurt both put on their sunglasses and made their way across the parking lot to the school buildings. As they walked up tons of girls would watch them and drool at the sight of them. "I'm going to marry him," a cheerleader said looking at Nick. "Fine, but I want Kurt," one of the other cheerleaders said. "Did you do the homework for our sociology class?" Nick asked. "No, I forgot," Kurt replied. "What was it on?" "We had to write about the nuclear family," Nick said. "What is that?" Kurt asked. "You know, the average 'Rockwell' family people expect to have in life," Nick replied. "There's the mom, dad, kids and maybe a dog living in the suburbs." "Oh, that's stupid," Kurt said. "Yeah well regardless," Nick said. "We had to write about it. It has something to do with some project Mrs. Darren is giving us today." "Crap," Kurt sighed as they made their way inside their sociology classroom. The two of them sat in the back of the class in their usual seats while their crew always sat around them and would do anything they could to get approval from the two of them. "Hi Kurt," the cheerleader from outside of school said coming up to him. "Hey Heather," Kurt smiled. "I hope we get assigned to work on this class project together," Heather said. "What's the project?" Kurt asked. "You don't know?" Heather asked, "Well, it's about-" But before she could explain their teacher Mrs. Darren started talking. "Good morning class," Mrs. Darren said in her husky voice. She was in her mid-sixties and always smelled of cigarettes. She obviously smoked a pack a day. It was a wonder that she was still alive and well. "Good morning Mrs. Darren," Nick and Kurt always said in a sarcastic tone which got the whole class laughing. "Settle down everyone," Mrs. Darren said as she gave Nick and Kurt the evil eye. "I hope everyone did their homework because it has a lot to do with your project which will count for half of your grade this semester. I am going to pair you all off with a member of the opposite sex and then for two weeks you two will be married in this classroom and will be given an egg which will be your child that you will have to take care of." "How stupid," Kurt groaned. "Excuse me? What was that Mr. Parker?" Mrs. Darren asked. "I don't think this is a good project," Kurt said. "Not all of us are going to have the nucleoid family." "Nuclear," Nick coughed trying to correct Kurt. "Yes, but it's something we should all strive for because it's what we all want in life yes?" Mrs. Darren asked. She obviously had the mind set that dates back to the 1950's. "Whatever," Kurt sighed. "Since you are obviously so excited I'm going to start with you Mr. Parker," Mrs. Darren said sarcastically. "I am going to pair you with Miss Heather Robins." "Yes!" Heather said excited. "Why don't you two come up and get your egg?" Mrs. Darren asked. "Go get your egg Kurt!" Nick said with mock enthusiasm. "Why don't you suck my dick Nick?" Kurt shot back with equal enthusiastic sarcasm. Kurt then went up and got his egg with Heather. "Now, after you all are paired up and get an egg I will explain the assignment," Mrs. Darren said. After class Nick and Kurt were walking to their lockers, both of them holding their egg. "Can you think of a more lame assignment?" Kurt asked tossing his egg up in the air and then catching it again in his hand. "Nice way to treat your kid," Nick said. "I think this is kind of a cool project." "Seriously?" Kurt asked. "Why? it's not like you'll ever experience being in a nuclear family when you get older." "Well maybe not exactly," Nick said. "But someday I'll meet some guy and I would like to start up a family." "Really?" Kurt asked, "You want that?" "Yeah," Nick said. "I think it's a nice idea." "Whatever," Kurt said tossing his egg in the air, only this time he threw it up too high and wasn't able to catch it in time and it broke on the floor, yolk spilling out everywhere. "Nice one," Nick laughed. "You see that?" Kurt pointed at the broken egg, "I haven't even had it for five minutes and I killed my kid." ****END FLASHBACK**** "This is so crazy Leo," Kurt said. "I have to make a decision now that will affect the rest of my life." "I know it doesn't seem fair, but I think it's best so both you and Ryan won't get into things too deeply," Leo said. "We're already in too deeply," Kurt said. "I love him. I've never loved anyone like I've loved him and now I might have to lose him because I don't want a family." "I'm sorry," Leo said. "I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better." "Thanks," Kurt sighed, "But I just need to be honest with Ryan. I can't pretend to want something and be something that I'm not." "Yeah," Leo said. "Just be true to yourself." "So how are you?" Kurt asked wanting to change the subject. "Good," Leo replied. "Jesse and I made up with each other." "Oh good," Kurt said happily. "Glad that at least some people are having a good day." "Him and I are going to go out tonight," Leo said. "I'm glad," Kurt said. "Can I tell you something and you have to swear you won't tell Jesse?" Leo asked. "Of course," Kurt said "I was over at my place today to change my clothes for dinner tonight and I found a ring laying on the counter," Leo said. "I guess since I haven't been there for a couple days Jesse didn't bother hiding it." "A ring?" Kurt asked. "An engagement ring?" "Yeah, it's a white gold band and it has 'Will you marry me?' inscribed on it," Leo said. "Oh my God," Kurt said. "What the hell is with everyone and marriage?" "He's going to propose to me," Leo said. "How do you feel about that?" Kurt asked. "I feel amazing!" Leo said happily. "I never thought this would happen. I didn't think Jesse was the type who would want to do that, I always figured he was a lot like you, but thank God he isn't!" "Oh thanks," Kurt said. "You know what I mean," Leo said. "I always wanted to marry someone, but I didn't think Jesse did so I was okay with the idea of never having that dream, but he wants to get married!" "And you really want that?" Kurt asked. "Yeah," Leo said. "Then I'm happy for you," Kurt said giving Leo a hug. "Congratulations. I wish I could have your attitude about all this stuff." "Thank you," Leo said. "I wasn't sure if I should tell you or not considering the dilemma you're in right now." "No, it's great to hear some good news," Kurt smiled. "I'm really happy for you Leo." "Thank you," Leo said. "So when are you going to talk to Ryan?" "I don't know," Kurt said. "I really don't know what to say when I do talk to him." "You'll find the words," Leo encouraged. Later that day Ryan got off of work and went to meet Jesse who had called him up earlier and wanted to meet him for a cup of coffee. When Ryan got to the diner Jesse was already sitting at a corner booth drinking some coffee. "Hey," Ryan said sitting down at the table. "What's up?" "How did it go with Kurt?" Jesse asked. "Not great," Ryan replied. "I really don't know what him and I are going to do." "You two have the 'Ross and Rachel' syndrome," Jesse pointed out. "Ross and Rachel?" Ryan asked. "Yeah, from the show 'Friends,'" Jesse replied. "You two are just like them, you get together then you break-up, then you get together again and break-up and then you get together again and break-up." "Okay, for the record him and I only broke up once before and that was because I moved to Florida," Ryan said. "And I don't know if we're going to break-up or not this time. I hope not." "Yeah, but if he doesn't want what you want then what's the point of staying in the relationship?" Jesse asked. "Well, maybe he'll surprise me and deep down he does want the same things I want," Ryan said hopeful. "My fingers are crossed for you," Jesse replied. "So is the status of Kurt and me the reason why you wanted to talk?" Ryan asked. "No," Jesse replied. "I actually wanted to talk to you about Leo." "Did you two make-up?" Ryan asked. "Yeah," Jesse replied. "We both admitted to making some mistakes and we apologized." "Good," Ryan said. "So, you know that ring that I got last week?" Jesse asked. "Yeah," Ryan replied. "Are you going to give it to him?" "I think so," Jesse said. "Tonight I'm taking him out to dinner at our favorite restaurant and then pop the question." "Wow," Ryan said happy for Jesse. "That's great. How are you feeling?" "Excited and nervous," Jesse admitted. "Marriage was never anything him and I discussed. I don't know if it's something he wants." "I think so," Ryan sensed. "Leo's a romantic." "I know, but he's also best friends with Kurt," Jesse pointed out. "True," Ryan sighed. "But they're two different people and I'm sure they both want different things. So while my guy may not be for marriage, hopefully yours is." "Hope so," Jesse said. "Usually I'm not real nervous about anything, but the idea of me proposing to him tonight is scary." "Good scary or bad scary?" Ryan asked. "Good scary," Jesse said. "It's those butterflies in my stomach and I just can't get the idea of doing it out of my mind." "Do you have anything prepared about what you're going to say?" Ryan asked. "No," Jesse said. "That's another thing that scares me. My mind is blank on what to say to him." "When you get to the point tonight when you're going to do it, I'm sure the words will come to you," Ryan said. "Yeah," Jesse replied, "You're probably right. So, when are you going to talk to Kurt?" "Hopefully tonight," Ryan said. "Looks like we both have big life changing events ahead of us tonight," Jesse said. "Yeah," Ryan sighed. "I just hope we both get a happily ever after." That night, Leo left Kurt's place and was walking to the restaurant to meet Jesse for their dinner together. On the walk there Leo got to thinking about Jesse and how great of a guy he is. He remembered the night that Nick died and how Jesse was there to comfort him. ****FLASHBACK**** Police were everywhere in Nick's apartment they were dusting for fingerprints, examining the front door to see if someone broke in, they outlined the place where Nick's body was found. Leo and Kurt both came back to the apartment after leaving the hospital where the doctors pronounced that Nick was dead. Leo and Kurt were both holding each other's hands tightly, tears streaming down the side of their faces. "I know this has been a tough night for both of you, but we're going to have to ask a few questions," the assistant district attorney said approaching them. "Oh, sure," Kurt said quietly. "Would you two like to sit down?" the ADA asked. "No, we're fine," Leo said still on shock over everything. "You two both arrived after the attack on Nick Doherty correct?" the ADA asked. "Yes," Leo said. "And you two didn't see anyone run past you as you entered the building?" the ADA asked. "No," Leo said. "Leo!" Jesse yelled from the front door where police were blocking him from entering. "Do you know this man?" the ADA asked. "He's my partner," Leo said. "Let him in," the ADA said to the police. Jesse then rushed inside and wrapped his arms around Leo and Kurt. "I got here as soon as I could," Jesse said hugging them tightly. "I'm so sorry." "He's gone," Leo said breaking down in tears. "I know baby," Jesse said. "I'm so sorry." "Excuse me, but I have some more questions," the ADA said. "Not tonight," Jesse said. "But I really need this information," the ADA urged. "Yeah, and you'll get that information, but not tonight," Jesse said. "Both of them have been through enough. I am taking them home so they can get some rest and you can see them tomorrow. You have their phone number correct?" "Yeah, but-" the ADA said, but Jesse cut him off. "Then that's all you need for now," Jesse said. "But I am taking them home." Jesse didn't even wait for an answer from the ADA, he just took Leo and Kurt out of Nick's apartment. "Thank you," Leo said. "No problem," Jesse replied. "You two shouldn't have to go through any more tonight. Let's take you two home." "Stay with me tonight?" Leo asked. "Of course," Jesse said. "I'll stay as long as you want." Jesse gave Leo a comforting kiss as they left Nick's apartment building. ****END FLASHBACK**** When Leo got to the restaurant Jesse was there waiting for him at the table they normally sit at when they dine there. Jesse had a bottle of sparkling cider for him and Leo chilling in an ice bucket next to the table. "Would you like some cider?" Jesse asked taking the bottle out. "I would love some," Leo smiled at how thoughtful Jesse was. "So, before we enjoy a nice dinner I have some news," Jesse said. "What is it?" Leo asked. "My mom came to visit me today," Jesse said as he finished pouring the cider in Leo's glass. "Oh how is she?" Leo asked. "She's fine, but her and my dad are in a dilemma," Jesse said. "What's wrong?" Leo asked. "Mark got kicked out of NYU," Jesse replied. "Oh sorry to hear that," Leo said. "Yeah, you'll be even more sorry when you hear the rest of the story," Jesse said. "What is it?" Leo asked. "My parents want to teach Mark to grow up," Jesse said. "They don't want him to feel he can come back to them when he gets in a jam, so they asked me if he could come live with us for a while." "What?" Leo asked shocked, "I thought you hated him." "I do," Jesse said. "But apparently he wants to try and make amends with me and it helps out my parents." "How long would he be staying?" Leo asked. "I don't know," Jesse sighed. "But I told my mom that I had to check with you first to see if it was okay. What do you think?" "Well, he's your brother," Leo said. "Can't exactly turn away family." "Are you sure?" Jesse asked. "Because if you don't want him there then just say the word." "It will be tough," Leo admitted, "But we'll make it work." "Thank you," Jesse said giving Leo a kiss. "You're the best." "I know," Leo joked. "So let's make a toast and have a nice dinner," Jesse said as he lifted up his glass. He then let the words come from his heart, "I want to just say how much I love you." "I love you too," Leo replied. "Leo, you and I are soul mates," Jesse said. "Since I met you, I can't think of a day when I didn't love you. You're everything to me and I am grateful every day for your kindness, your spirit, your genuine good nature and your love. I am so lucky to have my best friend also be the love of my life." Jesse then pulled out the ring box and set it down in front of Leo whose eyes lit up with joy. "I know we never discussed this and I don't know how you feel about the idea, but I have to ask; will you marry me?" "Jesse," Leo sighed as he opened the ring box and found the ring to be even more beautiful than he remembered seeing it earlier that day. "I've had a lot of ups and downs in my life. I never thought anything as good as you could ever happen to me. " Leo then put the ring on his finger, "I would love to marry you." The two then leaned in and kissed each other. Their first kiss as an engaged couple. "This ring is perfect," Leo said. "Not nearly as perfect as you though," Jesse replied sincerely as he kissed Leo again. Later that night, Ryan went over to his apartment and went into the bedroom where he found Kurt sitting on the bed drumming his fingers on the mattress. "Hey," Ryan said walking in and sitting next to him. "Hi," Kurt replied. "How are you?" Ryan asked making small talk. "Horrible," Kurt replied honestly. "Because I don't know what's going to happen to us." "Well, how about you talk to me about what you're feeling and I'll do the same," Ryan said. "Can I just do one thing first?" Kurt asked. "Sure," Ryan replied. Kurt then leaned in and kissed Ryan tenderly on the lips. He kissed him because he didn't know if that would be the last time they would ever kiss or not. "Okay," Kurt said breaking the kiss. "I'm going to be honest with you Ryan." "All right," Ryan replied. "I understand what you want," Kurt said. "I know you want the whole family lifestyle and I think that's great. You're the greatest guy I've ever known and no one would be better at that than you. You're sweet, caring, compassionate, you're amazing." "Thanks," Ryan said smiling a little. "But you also need to understand me," Kurt said. "I'm not that type of guy. I'm sorry, but I want my life to be just about me and the man I decided to settle down with. I don't want to have a piece of paper deciding we're an official couple, because I think that two people can just make that vowel on their own with out the whole wedding thing." "I see," Ryan said. "And I've never been good with kids," Kurt said. "I've never been comfortable with them and I never wanted them. But I don't think I'm a bad person for not wanting kids." "You're not," Ryan said. "I'm not the father-type, I never have been and I don't think I ever will be," Kurt said. "I'm sorry, but that life is just not one I see for myself. I don't see life in the suburbs with a man and kids and being one big happy family. That isn't happiness to me. For me, happiness is coming home every day and falling asleep every night with the man I love and having it be just about the two of us." "I understand," Ryan said. "Can I say something now?" "Yeah," Kurt replied. "The life you want is fine," Ryan said. "You shouldn't make any apologies for wanting that because it's something that makes you happy. But that type of life isn't one that will make me completely happy and I don't think I should apologize for that either. I want a family. I want to come home and play with my kids and tuck them into bed at night and read them a bedtime story. I want to teach my kids to ride a bike or to play basketball, I want to be there when they take their first steps and catch them when they fall." "I see," Kurt sighed. "And after a long day of playing with the kids I want to go to sleep at night with a man I can call my husband," Ryan said. "I want it to be an official recognition of the love and commitment we made to each other. That's the life I want and I don't think I should settle for anything less." Kurt then realized what it was Ryan was doing, "You're breaking up with me." "Kurt, I respect you and your wants and needs," Ryan said. "I respect that you don't want to get married, but you have to respect that I do. Maybe we're just not meant to be." "Oh God," Kurt said in shock. "This is it." "I think so," Ryan replied sadly. "I can't believe this is it," Kurt said. "After all we've been through, this is really how it's going to end?" "Yeah," Ryan sighed. "It's hard to believe that we just have nothing left to say to each other." "We gave it our all though, right?" Kurt asked. "Absolutely," Ryan said. "And we'll still be friends." "Yeah," Kurt sighed. "Friends." "I should go," Ryan said giving Kurt a kiss on the forehead and then he the room. Kurt was sitting on his bed in shock over what just happened when Leo burst through the room in excitement. "Kurt! It happened tonight!" Leo said beaming, he didn't even notice how upset Kurt was. "Jesse proposed to me! We're engaged!" "Congratulations," Kurt replied. "Ryan and I just broke up." ***************************************************************************************** To Be Continued...End of season 3... With any comments, questions or feedback please e-mail me at ilj4ever44@yahoo.com. Thanks so much! Well, this set of chapters was definitely the hardest ones for me to write. Having the characters deal with Nick's death in a realistic way and to also try and introduce the character of Joey into the fold was a challenge and I don't think I accomplished it as well as I had hoped. I was happy with the progression of the characters moving on from Nick's death, but I wasn't happy with the character of Joey. At this point into the story it was too hard for me to really integrate him into the group in an honest way. As a result this was Joey's last appearance. He might pop up again in one more chapter, but for the most part his story is over with. I had originally wanted Joey to come in and for the roles to kind of change and have Kurt be the 'in charge' one, Leo become more of the 'heart' of the group and then Joey come in as a bit of a rebel. But as I was writing the chapters I really preferred the dynamic between the characters of Kurt, Leo, Ryan and Jesse so I decided to focus more on that. Hope you enjoyed having Nick back in this chapter. I really want to honor that character and have it show how he still is very much a part of their live still and the memory of him is still there. So I'm sorry if this set of chapters felt a little uneven and I am definitely going to try my best to make the forth and final installment of chapters the best ones yet. These chapters I think were a little bit too dark, I want to bring the more light and fun chapters back. I will be taking another short break and will come back with the final stories. Thank you all for your continued reading. It means the world to me!