Date: Sat, 15 Dec 2007 01:26:43 -0800 (PST)
From: Kirk Landers <ilj4ever44@yahoo.com>
Subject: Phases- part 46

Copyright and Disclaimer:
1. This is a fictional story with fictional
characters.
2. No one is to steal this story under any
circumstances.
3. This story deals with relationships and not sex, so
if you're looking for a story with a lot of sex in it,
this isn't the story for you.

I wanted to try and write in a slightly different
format.  Hopefully you will like it.  I don't know if
I'll stick to this format, only because I'm so used to
the old format I've written in for so long.  But
anyway, here's part 46 entitled, 'A Family for
Christmas'

"A FAMILY FOR CHRISTMAS"


The night before Christmas, Kurt settles into bed
after just coming back from visiting Josh at the
hospital again.  Another great date.  Before Kurt
could relish in how wonderful Josh is, Ryan storms
through Kurt's door. "I don't want you to go on
another date with him."  Kurt looks at Ryan with
confusion and is appalled that he is trying to tell
him what to do.

"I'm sorry," Ryan says, "I know I shouldn't be saying
this." Kurt agrees, that he shouldn't and asks Ryan to
go back to his room.  "Who I date now is my business."

"I don't want you to date someone, unless that someone
is me," Ryan confesses.  Kurt is silent for a moment,
not too sure what to say, when he finally gets his
voice, he reminds Ryan of why they broke up.  "We want
different things remember?  Nothing's changed, has
it?"  Ryan sighs, "I guess not, I just feel that
you're still my guy."  Kurt can't help, but smile at
that last comment.  He has a confession of his own,
"Honestly Ryan, sometimes I do still wish I was your
guy.  And sometimes I'll look at you and wish you were
still mine, but we're not."

"Yeah," Ryan sighs, "I guess not."  Kurt tries to
comfort Ryan in assuring him, "No guy will ever
compare to you.  You've set the bar too high for any
other potential boyfriend.  But we both need to move
on."

"Yeah, I know," Ryan sighs. "Sorry.  I'll let you get
some sleep.  Good night."

"Good night," Kurt smiles as Ryan closes the door
behind him.  Kurt then turns off the light and goes to
sleep.

The next day.
    Christmas was only a day away and Leo still hasn't
finished his Christmas shopping.  "I don't know what
I'm going to get anyone!" Leo exclaims in panic as he
paces back and forth in the living room of his and
Jesse's place.  "Calm down," Kurt replies as he
finishes putting Christmas ornaments on the Christmas
tree.  Leo points out that he's been so consumed with
Jesse and his problems with Mark that he hardly
noticed that Christmas was coming up.

"It's understandable," Kurt replies, "You and Jesse
have been through a lot lately."

"How about you?" Leo asks, noticing that Kurt's been
acting a lot happier lately.  Leo wonders if it has
something to do with Josh.  Kurt smiles, knowing he
can't deny the fact that he's been extremely happy
with Josh, more happy then he thought he would be. "I
just thought Josh would be someone I could just talk
to and have good company with, but I didn't expect to
fall for him like I have."

"Kurt, are you being careful?" Leo asks worried how
the fact that Josh is dying will affect Kurt if he
falls too hard for him.

"What do you mean?" Kurt asks taking a look at the
finished decorated Christmas tree. "You know what I
mean," Leo points out, knowing that Kurt's just
playing dumb.  Kurt sighs and explains to Leo that he
realizes that his time with Josh is probably limited,
but "I'd rather have a short amount of time with him
then none at all.  He's an amazing guy and I'm lucky
to have even met him."

"Even if it's near the end of his life?" Leo asks.  "I
just bring this up because I'm worried you'll just get
hurt."

"I've been hurt before," Kurt explains, "At least this
time I know it's coming."  Kurt then changes the
subject by bringing the attention to the Christmas
tree and how beautiful it looks.  Leo thanks Kurt for
getting the tree and decorating it for him.  "Are you
and Jesse coming over for Christmas dinner tomorrow?"

"Of course," Leo replies as he puts on his jacket and
grabs his keys, "So what are the chances that you
would go shopping with me today?"  Kurt agrees to help
Leo with his Christmas shopping and the two head out
together.

Meanwhile, on this day Jesse finally finds the
strength to go to work and put his worry about Mark
aside for once, but it may be too late because as soon
as Mark walks into his office his boss, Walter, calls
him into his office to talk.  Jesse nervously walks in
knowing he's in big trouble for missing so much work.
If there was one thing that Jesse's always been is
that he's a nervous person and today he has every
right to be.  His neglect of work to worry about his
brother was understandable at first, but it went on
for too long and even he knows it.

"Sit down Jesse," Walter says in a monotone voice.
Jesse nervously sits down and begins to apologize, but
Walter cuts him off, he doesn't want to hear it. "Your
behavior and lack of professionalism towards this job
is inexcusable."  Walter then proceeds to remind Jesse
of just how lenient he's been towards him, when Jesse
woke from his coma he gladly gave him his job back,
when it took him a while to get his memory back he
understood and waited patiently for Jesse, but now
Jesse's taken it too far.  "I'm sorry about your
brother, but you've just pushed us too far.  I'm
afraid I have to let you go."

Those words hit Jesse like a ton of bricks.

"Please Walter, don't do this.  It's Christmas," Jesse
pleads, "I've been with this company for so long."

"I'm sorry Jesse, but you've become too much of a risk
to this company," Walter says. "We don't know when
you'll show up to work or not."  Jesse can't believe
it, never in his life has he ever been fired.  He's
always been the golden boy all his life.  Always
brought home straight A's, graduated from college with
top honors, and now there he is, sitting in his boss's
office getting fired and it was a feeling he's never
felt before.  Jesse stands up and with the dignity he
has left walks out of his boss's office and heads to
his own office to pack his things up.  As Jesse packs
up his desk all he can think about is Leo and what
he'll say when he finds out.

Across town, Ryan sits in his office finishing some
work before the holidays and waiting for his father to
stop by.  Ryan still can't believe that his father is
in his life.  He's never been one to hope for much in
his life, it's something he learned to deal with
growing up as an orphan.  Life has never been easy for
Ryan, he grew up with no one, no friends, no family,
nothing.  Not since he met Kurt has he felt that he
truly belonged.  He often wonders what life would be
like had he never moved in to Kurt's place.
As for Gordon, Ryan knew he was lucky to have him in
his life, but he's still unsure of whether he can
accept him as his father.  He doesn't think he's ready
to yet.  He's just gotten so used to living with out
any family.  It's hard for him to imagine opening up
to a father at this point in his life.

"Hey son," Gordon says knocking on the opened door to
Ryan's office.  Ryan gets up from his desk and gives
his dad a hug.  "What did you want to see me for Ryan?
It sounded urgent."

"It's about the check you gave me on Thanksgiving,"
Ryan says.

"What about it?" Gordon asks confused. "You're keeping
it, right?"

"I don't think I can," Ryan replies. "Listen, you're
great Gordon, but I've been thinking for a while and
this is all just too much for me."

Gordon isn't sure what Ryan is talking about, but
knows that it isn't good. "What are you saying Ryan?"

"I'm saying that I don't think I can handle this right
now.  I don't think I can handle being part of a
family when I was by myself for most of my life," Ryan
explains gently, not wanting to hurt Gordon's
feelings.

"Ryan, please," Gordon pleads, "Just give this more
time.  Don't shut me out yet."

On his way back to his desk Ryan accidently knocks
over some papers under his desk, as Ryan picks them up
he slams his head on the corner of his desk causing
him to fall unconscious. "Ryan!" Gordon exclaims in
alarm rushing over to Ryan's side.

Over on Melrose, Kurt and Leo are shopping when
Kurt's cell phone starts ringing.  Kurt notes that
it's Gordon and answers, "Hey Gordon."  In a panicked
voice, Gordon explains to Kurt what happened with Ryan
and that he's at the hospital right now.  Kurt quickly
hangs up and tells Leo what happened and the two rush
over to the hospital.  On their way to the hospital
Leo calls Jesse, but it just goes to voicemail so he
leaves him a message.

When Jesse arrives back at his apartment he goes over
to the sofa and sits down holding his box of stuff
that had been sitting in his office for so many years.
His phone rings and seeing Leo on the caller ID gives
him a nervous feeling in his stomach, he doesn't want
to explain to Leo what happened right now.  He sends
the call to voicemail and sits alone on the sofa to
sulk over everything.

Ryan slowly opens his eyes and finds himself lying in
a hospital room.  An older nurse walks in and smiles
when she sees Ryan's eyes open. "About time you
woke-up," She says cheerfully. "You've been out for
about an hour."

"What happened?" Ryan asks.

"You were at your office when you hit your head or
something," the nurse explains. "Your boyfriend has
been anxious to see you."

"My boyfriend?" Ryan asks confused, "I don't have a
boyfriend."

The nurse laughs, "Well don't tell him that, because
he's been very worried about you.  Want me to send him
in?"

"Sure," Ryan smiles, he's glad to hear that Kurt's so
worried about him.  After a few moments there was a
light knock on the door.  "Come in."

"Hey baby."  The door slowly opens and Ryan's eyes
grow wide when he sees that it isn't Kurt, but^ÅCraig?!

"Craig?" Ryan asks confused, "What are you doing
here?"

"What do you think silly?" Craig asks giving Ryan a
kiss. "You got injured at work.  I'm just here to make
sure you're doing all right."

""My work?" Ryan asks.

"Yeah," Craig answers. "At the Gay and Lesbian Center.
You don't remember what happened?  Oh baby, did you
lose your memory?"

"I didn't think so, but nothing adds up," Ryan says
confused.

"What's the last thing you remember?" Craig asks.

"I thought I was meeting with my dad," Ryan answers.

"Your dad?" Craig asks, then gives a sympathetic
smile, "Aw, poor baby.  You've really hit your head.
Baby, I don't know how to say it, but you're an
orphan.  You've never met your dad."  Craig holds onto
Ryan tightly while Ryan lays in the hospital bed
confused over everything.

"This doesn't make sense," Ryan says quietly.

"What do you mean baby?" Craig asks.  Ryan then
explains all that he thinks he knows, as far as he
knows he works at a college as a counselor and lives
in an apartment with Kurt and is friends with Leo and
Jesse.  Craig laughs, "You have such a wild
imagination baby.  You don't know anyone by those
names, and as for working as a school counselor?
That's not your style."

After another couple hours of Craig explaining
everything to Ryan, he still has no idea of what's
going on.  But he feels fine so the doctor releases
him from the hospital and the two go back to their
place together. "We live together?" Ryan asks
confused.  "Poor baby," Craig says helping Ryan
through the front door of their small studio apartment
they share.  "We live here?" Ryan asks. Craig has Ryan
sit down on the couch and tells him to relax, "The
doctor said you should eventually get your memory
back."

"You know, I think I just need to get some air," Ryan
says getting up from the couch, "I'm going to go for a
walk."

"I'll go with you baby," Craig says.  But Ryan refuses
him, "That's okay^Å.baby."  It pains Ryan just to even
call Craig that. "I'll be back."

Ryan quickly leaves the apartment by himself and gets
into a taxi to go somewhere familiar.  First place he
gets to is Leo and Jesse's apartment.  As he was
approaching the front door to their apartment all he
can hear is loud music playing.  He first knocks, but
no one answers so he slowly opens the door and sees a
bunch of young college-aged guys and girls running
around, drinking, kissing and other forms of foreplay.
In the corner of the kitchen he sees a miserable
looking Jesse holding a bottle of beer.

"Jesse?" Ryan asks walking up to him.

"You a friend of Marks?" Jesse asks, "If you're
looking for him he's in his room playing beer-pong or
something like that."

"No, I'm looking for you," Ryan says.

"Do I know you?" Jesse asks.  Ryan looks Jesse over
and he clearly looks defeated, like he's been through
hell and back.

"Yeah, it's me.  Ryan. Your best friend."  Ryan
doesn't understand why Jesse doesn't recognize him.

"Sorry bro," Jesse replies taking a sip of his beer.
"I don't know a Ryan."

"Is Leo around?  Maybe he'll recognize me," Ryan says
looking among the twenty people in the apartment to
see if Leo's in the crowd.

"You think that's funny?" Jesse asks slamming his beer
down and standing up so he's face to face with Ryan.
Ryan looks confused, he doesn't know what Jesse's
talking about.  "You think you can make a crack about
Leo here and expect me to not have a problem with it?"

"Where is Leo?" Ryan asks confused.  Jesse grabs Ryan
and forces him out of the hallway so the two can
settle this one-on-one.

"If you're my `best friend' shouldn't you know where
Leo is?" Jesse asks angrily. "I don't know who you
are, but making jokes about Leo in front of me is not
a smart idea."

"I'm not making jokes," Ryan says sincerely. "Where is
he?  Doesn't he live here?"  Jesse looks deep in
Ryan's eyes and sees that Ryan is genuinely wondering
where Leo is.

"You really don't know?" Jesse asks.

"No," Ryan replies. "I don't.  Where is he?"

"Leo's in jail," Jesse answers.  He then goes to
explain that after Nick had died Leo became consumed
with vengeance that he hired a private investigator to
find Wayne and when he eventually got a hold of him,
he killed him.

"That's not right," Ryan says, "The way I remember it
is that you and me stopped Kurt and Leo from hurting
Wayne.  It's Wayne who's in jail, not Leo."

"I wish that it happened that way," Jesse says, "But
Wayne's dead and Leo's paying the consequences for
that."

"This is insane," Ryan sighs, "Where's Kurt?  I need
to talk to him.  There has to be some way for me to
get everything back to the way it was."

"What are you talking about?" Jesse asks.

"This is not the way things should be," Ryan replies.
"You and Leo are engaged in the world I remember and I
need to find Kurt and maybe
we can get things back to the way they're supposed to
be."

"Good luck talking to Kurt," Jesse says.  Ryan gives
Jesse a confused look, to which Jesse tells him that
Kurt hasn't spoken to him or Leo since Nick died. "He
just turned away from us and consumed himself in West
Coast Style.  Last I heard he was the
co-editor-in-chief.  Saw him in People magazine
recently, he's not the Kurt that I knew."

"We'll see about that," Ryan says setting off to go
find Kurt.

Arriving at Kurt's apartment he saw that the whole
building had been turned into one huge house.  On the
front door there were big initials, `KP.'  Confused,
Ryan knocks lightly on the door.  After waiting a
couple minutes a beautiful woman, maybe in her
mid-twenties, dressed entirely in black opens the
door. "Can I help you?" she asks politely.

"I'm here to see Kurt," Ryan says unsure if he's even
at the right place.

"Who should I say is asking for him?" the lady asks.

"Tell him that I was an old friend of Nick's," Ryan
says hoping that giving Nick's name will get Kurt to
see him.  The woman lets Ryan walk into the large
entryway while she goes to get Kurt.  As Ryan waits he
looks around the house and sees tons of pictures of
Kurt hanging all over the place.  Whatever world Ryan
is in, Kurt's definitely in love with himself.

"Who are you?" Kurt asks walking up to Ryan.  Ryan
looks Kurt up and down, he's wearing nothing but
designer clothes, Dolce and Gabbana outfit, Prada
loafers, and he's wearing DVB sunglasses (inside the
apartment).

"Kurt?" Ryan asks confused.

"Who are you?" Kurt asks looking Ryan up and down,
"And why are you wearing those hideous rugged looking
clothes in my presence?"

"What?" Ryan asks confused.  "Can I talk to you?"

"Not wearing those clothes you aren't," Kurt answers
in a snotty attitude. "Hold on a second."  Kurt then
goes into the entryway closet and pulls out some
clothes. "If you're going to enter my place, you're
going to wear these clothes.  Nothing less than Armani
in my presence." Kurt hands Ryan some old clothes of
his.  Ryan can't help but smirk that Kurt's giving
someone he hardly knows Armani to wear just so he can
talk to him.

"Can I change in the bathroom or do I have to strip
here?" Ryan asks.

"Depends," Kurt says, "Lift up your shirt."  Ryan
lifts
it up and Kurt views Ryan's abs. "Nice.  You can strip
right here."

"Excuse me?" Ryan asks.

"You want to talk to me?  Start stripping," Kurt
commands.  Modestly Ryan takes off his shirt and puts
on the designer clothes that Kurt gave him. "Better?"
Ryan asks after he changes.

"Much," Kurt replies, "You may enter.  Now who are you
and what do you want?"  Kurt then walks into the large
living room that's contains nothing but white
furniture, white rugs, white vases, white flowers, and
white candles.

"Well, I thought I lived here," Ryan says as he closes
the door behind him.

"Excuse me?  I don't even know you, why would you live
with me?  Are you a crazy person?" Kurt asks starting
to get worried, "Did I just give Armani to a crazy
person?"

"I'm not a crazy person!" Ryan exclaims. "This is so
weird.  I swear that you and I know each other.  We
even dated."

"Um, last person I dated was Gabriel Brocks," Kurt
replies. "I think you're a little insane."

"I'm not," Ryan says.

"Well you told Olivia that you knew Nick," Kurt says.

"Yeah," Ryan answers.  "You remember Nick?"

"Hardly, it was so long ago when he died," Kurt
replies pouring himself a glass of champagne. "I'd
offer you some champagne, but this is an expensive
bottle and I don't know you well enough to share my
liquor."

"When did you turn this place into a house?  It used
to be apartments," Ryan says.

"It's what I used my first paycheck on once I became
co-editor-in-chief of West Coast Style," Kurt answers
with a proud smile.

"But you hated it at West Coast Style," Ryan says.
"You quit so you could focus on the writing career you
always wanted."

"Writing career?" Kurt laughs, "That was such a
juvenile dream.  Being an author is such a dull and
unglamorous job."

"So you're happy?" Ryan asks.

"Of course," Kurt replies.

"I don't think so," Ryan says hoping he may have found
a way to find the real Kurt hidden beneath the
diva-attitude and the designer clothes.

"Are you some snooty reporter who's digging for dirt?"
Kurt asks getting paranoid.

"When was the last time you saw Leo?" Ryan asks
ignoring the question Kurt just asked.

"Leo?" Kurt replies. "I don't know.  We don't talk
anymore."

"Do you know how he is?" Ryan asks.

"Last I heard he was living with his boyfriend,
Jesse." Kurt replies clearly not wanting to talk about
this.

"Leo's in jail," Ryan says. "He's in jail for killing
Wayne."

"What?" Kurt asks, clearly surprised to hear this news
about Leo.

"Don't you think you should go see him?" Ryan asks,
"He's in jail because he killed the man who killed
your best friend."

"That was another lifetime ago," Kurt says, "I've
moved on."  Kurt downs his champagne, he obviously
doesn't want to talk about Leo or Nick or anything
from that life he left behind.

"You haven't moved on," Ryan says. "You're avoiding
the pain you felt when Nick died.  Admit it."

"I don't know who the hell you are, but you better get
out of here before I throw you out," Kurt says
angrily. "You're ruining my Christmas and I'm supposed
to go to the Beckham's holiday party!"

"This isn't you Kurt," Ryan says grabbing Kurt by the
arms, "I know the real you.  The real you is a sweet
and caring guy who loves his friends more than
anything."

"How would you know who the real Kurt is?" Kurt asks
struggling against Ryan's grasp.

"I know the real Kurt because I'm in love with him,"
Ryan replies.  He then kisses Kurt passionately, Kurt
struggles at first, but then slowly melts into it.
It's a kiss that Kurt's never experienced before, a
kiss that he feels on some level he was always
missing. "I don't care why we broke up.  I want you
back."  Ryan says between kisses.

"That's enough," a security guard says grabbing Ryan,
"Time for you to go."

They then throw Ryan out on the street and close the
door.  Not knowing where else to go, Ryan went to the
one last person he felt he needed to see.

When Ryan got to the county jail he entered a visitors
room with glass separating the prisoners from the
visitors.  When they escorted Leo in Ryan wasn't
surprised that Leo didn't recognize him.  They pick up
the phones on their sides they need to communicate to
begin their conversation.

"I know you don't know me, but just trust me.  I'm a
friend.  I just saw Jesse and Kurt," Ryan says.

"You did?" Leo asks perking up. "How are they?"

"Not great," Ryan says, "Jesse obviously misses you
and Kurt's a complete wreck.  He doesn't even act like
himself anymore."

"I miss them," Leo sighs.

"So why did you do it Leo?" Ryan asks.

"Wayne took away Nick from me and Kurt," Leo replies.
"Nick was my family.  And I wanted to kill the person
who took my family away from me."

"But was it worth it?" Ryan asks, "Now you're in jail
and your away from Jesse and Kurt."

"I guess it wasn't worth it in the end," Leo sighs.
"Because now, I have no one."

"No one visits you?" Ryan asks.

"No," Leo sighs.  "Jesse used to, but I told him to
stop because it was too hard for me to see him." Leo
then tells Ryan that he never
had a great relationship with his family through his
life, he started to have a good one with his mom, but
after he killed Wayne, she never spoke to him again.
"You want to do everything you can to hold on to the
family you have, whether their blood or not.  You have
to hold on to them, because in the end, they're all
you've got."  Ryan thinks about the words that Leo
says and begins to see just how important it is for
him to have a relationship with his dad.

"Thank you Leo," Ryan says, "I think you told me what
I needed to know in order to get back to my life."

"I hope so," Leo smiles.

"Ryan, wake up."  Kurt's voice began to echo in the
room.  Everything slowly began to fade away and next
thing he knew he was opening his eyes and he was
laying in the hospital room with Kurt by his side.
"Thank God, you're awake," Kurt smiles and gives Ryan
and hug.

"What happened?" Ryan asks as he looks around the room
to see that Leo and Gordon were also in the room.

"You hit your head on your desk at work," Gordon
answers.

"My desk at the school right?" Ryan asks making sure
he's where he belongs.  They all laugh and confirm
that it was at the school where Ryan hit his head.
Kurt tells Ryan that he's been unconscious for most of
the day.  "You okay?" Kurt asks as he put his hand on
Ryan's cheek.

"Yeah," Ryan smiles, "Thanks."

"Good," Kurt replies, "Because I didn't want to have
two people I care about in the hospital."

"Two people?" Ryan asks.

"Yeah, you and Josh," Kurt answers.  Ryan's heart
dropped, he almost forgot about Josh. "Oh yeah," Ryan
sighs. "Him."

"I'm going to go say hi to him real quick, but I'll be
back to check on you," Kurt says giving Ryan a kiss on
the forehead, "You want me to bring you back
anything?"

"No, I'm okay," Ryan answers.

"I'm going to call Jesse to tell him you're okay," Leo
says heading out the door, "I don't know where he's
been all day."

Gordon and Ryan both look at each other, both not
knowing where to begin. "I guess we didn't quite
finish our conversation," Gordon says.

"And I don't want to," Ryan answers, "I don't really
remember what I dreamt about, but when I woke up I
knew that I didn't want to finish the conversation I
was
having with you before I hit my head."

"What are you saying?" Gordon asks confused.

"I was wrong when I said that I'm okay with not having
a family," Ryan explains. "I hated being by myself,
and when I met Kurt, he made me feel like I belonged,
he became my family and with you here now it just
makes it even better."

"So, you're glad that I'm in your life?" Gordon asks
hopeful.

"I'm saying that I'm glad you're my family," Ryan
smiles, "And I'm glad to finally be able to call
someone my dad."  Gordon doesn't say anything, he just
goes up to Ryan and hugs him tightly. "Thank you son,"
Gordon says.
"Thank you for finding me^ÅDad," Ryan replies.

"Well, it looks like this is going to be the best
Christmas ever," Gordon says.

"I think so," Ryan smiles.

A few hours later the doctors discharge Ryan and let
him go home.  As Gordon pushes Ryan in a wheelchair
down the hall, Ryan sees Kurt in Josh's room talking
with Josh.  Ryan tells Gordon to stop and he gets out
of the wheelchair and knocks on the door.

"Hey," Ryan says entering, "Doctors are letting me go
home."

"Oh great," Kurt says getting up, "I'll walk out with
you guys."  Kurt gives Josh a light kiss, "I'll see
you in a few minutes."

Kurt walks out with them, but Ryan stops, "You know
what, I forgot something in the hospital room.  I'll
be right back."  Ryan goes back in, but he doesn't go
to his room, he goes to Josh's. "Can I come in?" Ryan
asks knocking on the door.

"Sure," Josh replies.  Ryan walks up and takes a seat
next to Josh.

"Let me guess, you're Ryan?" Josh asks.  "Yes," Ryan
answers, "Does Kurt talk about me?"  Josh says yes,
and tells Ryan that Kurt talks fondly of him.  Ryan
cuts the small talk short and tells Josh why he's in
the room with him now.

"Kurt's a very sensitive guy," Ryan begins, "He's been
hurt before and I know you don't mean to hurt him, but
you're dying.  Like it or not, that's going to hurt
him, a lot if he falls to hard for you."

"What are you saying?" Josh asks curious.

"I'm saying end things with him," Ryan replies,
"Because I won't let Kurt get hurt again.  He doesn't
deserve it."

"Shouldn't him and I determine when to end things?"
Josh retorts.  But Ryan asks Josh to think clearly,
don't let his feelings for Kurt get in the way, "Be
realistic Josh.  You're dying and Kurt's falling in
love with you.  You won't have to deal with the
aftermath after you die, but I will and I don't want
to see him destroyed over something that can be
prevented."

Josh doesn't say anything because he knows that Ryan's
right.  Ryan apologizes and says that he doesn't mean
to be cruel, he's just looking out for Kurt.  Ryan
then leaves the room to let Josh think things over.

When Ryan walks back outside Kurt gives him a hug.
"I'm really glad you're okay.  You had me worried."

"Thanks," Ryan says, "I'll see you later."

"Okay," Kurt says as he goes back in the hospital to
Josh's room.

"Jesse's at home," Leo says hanging up his cell phone,
"He sounds weird."  Leo looks at Ryan who is looking
back at the hospital doors that Kurt just walked into.
"You okay Ryan?"

"No, not really," Ryan sighs. "I want him back."

"What?" Leo asks confused.

"I want Kurt back," Ryan confides him Leo. "Whether I
get a family of my own or not it doesn't matter, I
just want him back."

"This might just be the worst timing ever," Leo points
out.  Ryan knows, but after what he just said to Josh,
maybe he'll get Kurt back soon enough.

Later when Leo arrives at home he finds Jesse cooking
dinner, acting in a very upbeat and chipper mood.

"Hey." Jesse says kissing Leo.  Leo replies and kisses
him back, "You okay?  You sounded weird on the phone
earlier."

"Oh I'm fine," Jesse says, "Come on. "  Jesse set down
a pork roast on the kitchen table, "I made us a
Christmas eve dinner."

"How was work?" Leo asks sitting down.  Jesse pauses
for a moment not sure what to say, but after a beat he
answers, "It was great."

The two proceed to enjoy a nice Christmas eve dinner.
Jesse kept up appearances the whole night, he decides
he isn't going to tell Leo he got fired.

Later on after Gordon left the apartment, Ryan sits on
the sofa watching TV, but is interrupted when Kurt
quietly walks through the front door.  He sets down
his jacket on the table and sits down in the kitchen.
Ryan notices a sad look on Kurt's face and asks him
what's wrong.  "Josh dumped me."  Ryan goes over to
comfort Kurt, he holds him tightly. "Sorry to hear
that.  Did he say why?" Ryan asks curious if Josh
mentioned him.  "No," Kurt replies, "He just said that
he didn't want to see me anymore."  Ryan gives Kurt a
kiss on the forehead and comforts him some more. "I
was really starting to fall for him too." Kurt sighs.
Ryan takes a deep breath, feeling guilt over what he
did, and hopes that Kurt won't find out about what he
did.

"Merry Christmas," Kurt sighs.  Kurt then goes into
his room to go to bed, leaving Ryan alone in the
living room hoping he did the right thing.



To Be Continued..

With any comments, questions, or feedback please
e-mail me at ilj4ever44@yahoo.com.  This will be my
last installment until after the New Year.  Things are
just really hectic right now.  But I'll post the next
chapter around mid-January!  Hope you all have a
wonderful and safe holiday season!