Date: Sun, 13 Jan 2008 16:42:47 -0800 (PST)
From: Kirk Landers <ilj4ever44@yahoo.com>
Subject: Phases- part 47

Copyright and Disclaimer:
1. This is a fictional story with fictional
characters.
2. No one is to steal this story under any
circumstances.
3. This story deals with relationships and not sex, so
if you're looking for a story with a lot of sex in it,
this isn't the story for you.

Here's part 47 entitled, "I've Got a Secret."  Hope
you all enjoy!

 	2008 didn't quite start with the bang that Ryan,
Leo, Jesse and Kurt were hoping for.  Ryan's been
trying to figure out a way to get back with Kurt,
Jesse has been desperately trying to find a job while
keeping the fact that he got fired a secret from  Leo,
Leo has been trying to fix the problems that have been
going on between him and Jesse, and Kurt has been
moping around since Josh broke up with him.  Yes, it
hasn't been the ideal year for the four guys.
	One bright point for Ryan has been that him and his
dad have really begun to connect.  Since Christmas
they have spent the following two weeks seeing each
other almost every day and talking about everything
from Ryan's childhood, Gordon's upbringing and
business, as well as Gordon's kids.  One thing however
that Gordon has neglected to tell Ryan is the
relationship that he has been starting up with Kurt's
mom, Monica.  Since Gordon and Monica met on
Thanksgiving they have been dating secretly.  Neither
one of them were sure where how things would develop
between them so they decided to not tell Kurt and Ryan
about it.  And speaking of secrets, Ryan has one that
he's been neglecting to tell Kurt.  He hasn't told
anyone that the reason why Josh broke up with Kurt was
because he told him to.  As much as Ryan liked that
Kurt was single again, he didn't like the guilt that
was building up in him because of it.

"Hey Kurt, how you doing?" Ryan asked as Kurt came out
of his room and into the kitchen for a cup of coffee.

"What did I say when you asked me yesterday?" Kurt
asked sitting down at the kitchen table with Ryan.

"You said you felt like crap," Ryan replied.

"Well, I feel the same as I did yesterday," Kurt said.

"I'm sorry," Ryan said feeling badly. "But maybe today
will be better."

"And why do you think that would be?" Kurt asked.
"2008 has started out horribly."

"How about I take the day off of work and we take a
walk on the beach and talk?" Ryan suggested.

"I think I'm just going to curl up in bed and wallow
in self pity," Kurt sighed.

"No you're not," Ryan said, "Besides I already called
in sick to work.  So you're spending it with me."

"I appreciate it Ryan, but you don't have to," Kurt
said.

"I want to," Ryan replied.

"Fine, I guess so," Kurt said. "Thanks Ryan."

"No problem," Ryan replied. "Now go get dressed and
we'll spend some time together."

"Thanks," Kurt said as he got up and headed to his
room to get dressed.  After Kurt closed the door to
his room, Ryan was consumed with a wave of guilt over
his part in the break-up of Kurt and Josh.  He had to
confess to someone.

"Kurt, finish getting ready and I'll be right back,"
Ryan called out through the door.

"Where are you going?" Kurt asked.

"I need to drop something off at Jesse's place real
quick," Ryan replied.

"I'll come with you," Kurt said.

"No, you finish getting ready," Ryan said quickly, "I
won't be long."

Ryan then rushed out of the apartment and went to
Jesse and Leo's place.

"What are you doing here?" Jesse asked. "Did we have
plans?"

"No, I just needed to talk to you," Ryan replied. "Can
I come in?"

"Yeah, of course," Jesse replied.

Ryan walked in and looked around to see if Leo was
anywhere.

"Jesse, I did something bad, and if I don't tell
anyone then the guilt is going to kill me," Ryan
admitted.

"Wow, and I thought I was dramatic," Jesse quipped,
"What's up?"

"Are we alone here?" Ryan asked.

"Leo's asleep in the bedroom," Jesse replied.

"Are you sure?  Because I don't want him to over hear
me and tell Kurt," Ryan said.

"He's asleep," Jesse assured Ryan, "What's wrong?"

"I went and talked to Josh," Ryan said.

"Today?" Jesse asked confused.

"No, Christmas eve," Ryan replied.

"Weren't you unconscious?" Jesse asked.

"It was after I woke-up," Ryan replied.

"But I thought you spent time with your dad after you
woke up?" Jesse asked.
"Jesse!" Ryan exclaimed frustrated by Jesse's
confusing remarks, "Focus."

"Sorry," Jesse replied, "Continue."

"I told him to break up with Kurt," Ryan said.

"What?" Jesse asked surprised, "Why would you do
something like that?"

"I didn't want to see Kurt fall too hard for a guy
who's just going to die," Ryan answered.

"Sounds like a noble thing," Jesse said, "Now what's
the real reason why you told Josh to break up with
Kurt?"

Ryan waited a bit before answering, "I want Kurt
back."

"Again?" Jesse asked. "You two are a broken record."

"You're one to talk," Ryan shot back.

"Hey!  Leo and I only broke up once," Jesse said,
"Haven't you two broke up ten times by now?"

"Twice," Ryan corrected. "But if I can get him back
this time I am never going to let him go again."

"But what about the whole reason you two broke up?"
Jesse asked.

"I've been thinking about it, and as much as I want
kids, I realize that I want Kurt more," Ryan replied.

"So what are you going to do?" Jesse asked.

"I don't know," Ryan replied. "But I have to get him
back."

Ryan finally let his secret out and felt good to
confess it to Jesse, however, he didn't realize that
he revealed his secret to someone else as well because
in the bedroom Leo was awake in bed and heard the
entire conversation.

When Ryan got back to the apartment Kurt was sitting
at the kitchen table dressed and ready to go.

"Are you all set?" Ryan asked.

"Yeah," Kurt replied. "What did you need at Jesse and
Leo's?"

"He had a book I wanted to borrow," Ryan replied.

"Where is it?" Kurt asked noticing Ryan's empty hands.

"Oh, damn, I forgot it," Ryan lied. "You ready?  Let's
go."

Ryan and Kurt then headed out for their day together.

Back at Jesse and Leo's, Leo came out of his room to
get some coffee.

"Hey babe, why aren't you ready for work yet?" Leo
asked.

"Oh, I thought I would take the day off and spend it
with you," Jesse replied.

"That's sweet, but you already took a lot of time off
because of Mark," Leo said. "You need to go into the
office."

"It's not a big deal," Jesse shrugged.

"No," Leo said. "You need to go to work.  Thank you
though."  Leo then gave Jesse a kiss. "Now go get
ready for work."

Jesse went into the bedroom and began to worry about a
place he can spend the day since he was now jobless.

Later that day, Ryan and Kurt pulled up the car to the
beach.  Kurt looked out at the ocean and for the first
time felt a calm come over him.  He's been so worked
up about the break-up with Josh that he never felt
relaxed, he was always tense and upset.  It was the
perfect place for him to be.  Kurt just looked over at
Ryan smiling and thanked him for taking him out.

"I really needed this," Kurt said as the two got out
and began to walk on the sand, by the shore.

"It's the least I can do," Ryan replied. "I didn't
like seeing you so sad."

"Yeah, I know I've been really emo lately," Kurt
answered. "But I'm going to have to deal with what
happened.  Josh broke up with me.  Nothing I can do
about it."

"He didn't mention why he was breaking up with you?"
Ryan asked.

"No," Kurt sighed, "He just said it wasn't right."

The two continued walking a couple more minutes before
finding a nice quiet place on the beach away from
people to sit and relax.

"It's amazing, isn't it?" Kurt asked looking out at
the ocean.  Ryan turned and looked over at Kurt, not a
day goes by where Ryan doesn't find himself in awe
over how amazing Kurt is himself.

"Yeah, it is," Ryan replied, only he was referring to
Kurt, not the ocean. "Really amazing."

"I don't know what it is about the ocean, but it can
always calm me," Kurt said.

"I know what you mean," Ryan replied.  He then finally
began to work up the courage to tell Kurt he still
loved him, "Kurt, I need to tell you something."  But
before he could continue Kurt began talking.

"You know what's weird?" Kurt asked. "Before Josh
broke up with me he said he loved me."

"What?" Ryan asked, caught off guard.

"Yeah," Kurt sighed. "He said he loves me.  I didn't
say anything back because I was so shocked he said
that."

"Wow," Ryan replied, knowing that now was obviously
not the time to tell Kurt he wants him back.

"But to be honest, I love him too," Kurt sighed.  He
then paused, "I'm sorry. Is it weird that I'm telling
you this?"

"No, it's fine," Ryan lied.  The two grew silent and
went back to looking out at the ocean.

After Jesse got dressed he left the apartment, but
just wandered around the streets since he had no where
to go.  He knew he had to eventually tell Leo the
truth, but he didn't know how.  He never wanted to
disappoint Leo.  He knew he made mistakes and he knew
he screwed up, but he didn't know how to go about
fixing the problem.  Before he could dwell on it even
more though, his phone began to ring, when he looked
at the Caller ID his heart pounded when he saw that it
was Mark.

"Thank God!" Jesse said picking up the phone, "Where
the hell have you been?"

"Jesse, I need help," Mark replied.

"What is it?  What's wrong?" Jesse asked.

"I need you to meet me," Mark replied.

"Where?" Jesse asked.

Later that day, Kurt and Ryan came home from the
beach.  Ryan decided he was going to cook Kurt a good
meal so he headed out to the grocery store.  While
Ryan was out, Leo came over.

"Kurt, we tell each other everything, right?" Leo
asked trying to hint at the secret he had to tell
Kurt.

"Yeah," Kurt replied.

"So if one of us knew something the other should know,
we would tell each other, right?" Leo asked.

"Always," Kurt replied confused.

"Kurt, I over heard something and I'm not sure if I
should tell you or not," Leo said.

"You can't say something like that and then not tell
me," Kurt said. "What is it?"

"I found something out and it involves you," Leo
replied.

"Stop with the suspense and just tell me," Kurt said.

"Well, I found out that Ryan is the reason that Josh
broke up with you," Leo confessed.

"What?" Kurt asked, the last comment getting his full
attention. "What do you mean?"

"Apparently he talked to Josh and voiced his concerns
about you dating him because he's dying," Leo replied.

"Please tell me you're joking," Kurt said, hoping that
it wasn't true that Ryan would really do something
like that.

"But when you hear why he did it, you're going to be
flattered," Leo said quickly, he didn't intend to get
Ryan in trouble, he hoped that it would help the two
of them get back together.

"I don't care why he did it," Kurt said immediately,
"He ruined the best thing I had going for me in a long
time."

"No, but you should really here why he did it," Leo
said trying to defend Ryan.

"Leo, I said I don't care," Kurt said quickly getting
up and heading to the door.

"Where are you going?" Leo asked.

"I'm going to go to the hospital and see Josh," Kurt
replied. "Maybe I can fix the mess Ryan made.  He
never heard me say that I love him, he needs to know
that I do."

"Kurt, wait!" Leo called out, but Kurt quickly left to
hurry to the hospital and see Josh.  Leo felt
horrible, things didn't go the way he planned them
too.

Jesse hurried over to the apartment address that Mark
gave him and knocked urgently on the door.  When Mark
opened the door Jesse immediately noticed the black
eye he was now sporting and the cuts and bruises that
were visible on his body.

"Oh my God," Jesse said, "What the hell happened?"

"I'm so sorry for being such a screw up," Mark sighed.

"Don't worry about that now, just tell me what
happened," Jesse replied.  Mark let Jesse inside the
apartment he was staying in.  The apartment was about
as small as a walk in closet, filthy with torn up
furniture a dirty mattress in the corner of the room
and the only window in the apartment was broken.
"Jesse, you're living like this?"

"I know it's nothing special, but it's all I have,"
Mark replied.

"What the hell happened?" Jesse asked, he then noticed
how thin Mark looked compared to the last time he saw
him on Thanksgiving.

"I made a lot of bad decisions," Mark replied.  "After
I left on Thanksgiving I went to Bryce Roberts for
help."

"Bryce Roberts?" Jesse asked. "How do you know Bryce
Roberts?"

"That's who I worked for before when I got you into
trouble for manslaughter," Mark admitted.

"What?" Jesse asked. "You said you were just out
screwing around with your friends."

"I was on a job for Bryce," Mark replied.

"What kind of job?" Jesse asked.

"He sells drugs," Mark replied. "And I deliver and
sell for him."

"Mark," Jesse sighed disappointed. "What were you
thinking?"

"I know," Mark sighed, "But when I first started it
was such an easy way to make good money."

"If it's such good money then why do you live here?"
Jesse asked.

"Because I got out," Mark replied. "I couldn't do it
anymore."

"You did?" Jesse asked proud.

"Yeah and I moved in here a week ago cause it was the
only place I could afford," Mark replied.

"Where did the bruises come from?" Jesse asked.

"Bryce sent some guys over to show what would happen
to me if I snitched on him," Mark replied.

"Are you okay?" Jesse asked.

"Physically I'm okay," Mark replied. "But I just feel
like an idiot."

"Well you are," Jesse said with a smile.  For the
first time in a long time Mark smiled a little bit
too.

"I'm sorry Jesse," Mark sighed.

"It's okay," Jesse replied. "I'm glad you called me.
Mom and Dad are worried about you."

"I should see them," Mark said. "Beg for mercy."

"They won't give you a hard time," Jesse replied.
"They're just going to be so happy to see you in one
piece."

"Hope so," Mark said.

"Why did you leave Mark?" Jesse asked. "You were doing
so good.  What happened?"

"I overheard you and Leo," Mark replied.

"What are you talking about?" Jesse asked.

"On Thanksgiving I heard you tell Leo that if I had
one screw up you would kick me out," Mark replied.

"Oh," Jesse said guiltily, "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be," Mark replied. "I don't blame you for
thinking I would screw up.  It's what I do."

"No, I shouldn't have said that," Jesse said. "Leo was
just upset because I was neglecting the wedding plans.
 Still am actually."

"Why?" Mark asked.

"I lost me job," Jesse replied, first time he's ever
told anyone.

"What?" Mark asked shocked. "Isn't that something that
usually happens to me?"

"I just got so consumed with trying to find you that I
didn't go into work," Jesse replied.

"So it's my fault," Mark realized. "I'm so sorry
Jesse.  I just screw everything up."

"It's not your fault, it's mine," Jesse replied. "But
I'll figure things out.   You're the only person I've
told."

"I am?" Mark asked. "You haven't told Leo?"

"No," Jesse replied. "I couldn't.  Things are so shaky
between us already."

"I'm sorry bro," Mark said.

"It will be fine," Jesse replied. "Now get packed and
I'll take you to Mom and Dad's place."

"All right," Mark said.  He then hugged Jesse tightly,
"Thank you for coming."

"You're my brother," Jesse replied. "I would do
anything for you."

It only took most of their lives, but Jesse and Mark
finally realized how much they need one another.

When Kurt got to the hospital he rushed to Josh's
room, but when he went inside it was empty.  The bed
was perfectly made, all of Josh's belongings were
gone.

"Excuse me," Kurt said stopping a nurse who walked by,
"Where's Josh Dennison?"

"Oh, were you a friend of his?" the nurse asked.

"You can say that," Kurt replied. "Did he go home?  Or
did he move to another room?"

"I'm sorry," the nurse replied, "I guess you didn't
hear."

"Didn't hear what?" Kurt asked even though he had a
feeling he already knew the answer.

"He passed away yesterday," the nurse said sadly. "I'm
so sorry."

"What happened?" Kurt asked. "He seemed to be doing
fine the last time I saw him."

"I don't know," the nurse replied. "He just seemed
sad, like he was giving up."

When Kurt heard those words he felt lightheaded and
needed to sit down.

"Are you okay?" the nurse asked noticing that Kurt
looked like he was about to faint.

"I'm fine," Kurt replied, "I have to go."  Kurt
quickly rushed out of the hospital.  He didn't feel
sadness, not yet at least, all he was consumed with
was anger, anger towards Ryan.

When James and Mark pulled up to their parents house
they both sat there staring at the house.  Mark was
hesitant to make a move.

"You want me to come in with you?" Jesse asked.

"No," Mark replied. "I have to start taking
responsibility and standing on my own two feet.
Thanks though."

"Anytime," Jesse answered.

"You should go and tell Leo about your job situation,"
Mark suggested. "If there's one thing I've learned,
you don't want to go through tough situations alone.
You need the people who care about you."

"I know," Jesse sighed. "Thanks."

"All right," Mark said getting out of the car and
taking out his suitcase, "Wish me luck."

"Good luck," Jesse said as Mark shut the car door.
Jesse waited and watched Mark walk up the driveway of
their parents' house.  Mark waited at the front door
for a moment.  Jesse waited tensely wondering how
their mom and dad would react to seeing Mark.  Jesse
then saw his mom open the door and quickly embrace
Mark tightly.  Jesse smiled and drove away knowing
that Mark would be okay.

Meanwhile, Ryan was busy in the kitchen cooking and
waiting for Kurt to come home.  He decided that
tonight would be the night he was going to tell Kurt
how much he loves him still, little did he know
though, that as Kurt entered the front door,
declarations of love were the last things he wanted to
hear from Ryan.

"Kurt, thank God you're home," Ryan began, but Kurt
slammed the door and glared at him, his eyes red from
tears he cried over Josh's death. "Is something
wrong?"

"Are you seriously asking me such a stupid question?"
Kurt asked pissed.

"What's wrong?" Ryan asked confused.

"What's wrong?  Well, let's see here; I found out that
Josh died yesterday, he died alone and with no one by
his side, he died with out me being there for him, he
died not knowing that I loved him, and I found out he
broke up with me because apparently my jerk
ex-boyfriend told him too!  And who was that jerk
ex-boyfriend of mine?  Oh yeah, it was YOU!"

"How did you find out?" Ryan asked.

"It doesn't matter," Kurt replied. "Is it true that
you told Josh to break up with me?"

"Yes," Ryan reluctantly replied, "But can I explain
why?"

"No, I don't want to hear it," Kurt said. "I can't
believe you did this to me Ryan."

"Kurt, please let me explain why," Ryan begged.

"No," Kurt shot back, "You somehow managed to break my
heart by not even being with me.  As far as I'm
concerned you and I are finished."

"What?" Ryan asked.

"As of this moment, I want nothing to do with you,"
Kurt replied.

"You don't mean that," Ryan shook his head.

"Yes I do," Kurt replied. "You can still live here,
but as far as I'm concerned we have nothing more to
say to each other."

"Kurt, please just let me explain," Ryan said.

"Ryan, Josh is dead," Kurt said, "There is nothing you
can say that can take back what you did to my
relationship with him."

"There has to be something I can do to make this up to
you," Ryan pleaded.

"There is," Kurt replied. "Never talk to me again."

Kurt then went into his room and slammed the door
behind him.

Over at Leo and Jesse's place, Leo was on his computer
looking at locations for his and Jesse's wedding when
Jesse came home.

"Hey," Leo said. "I took the plunge and started
planning our wedding.  I hope you don't mind."

"It's fine," Jesse replied.

"How was work?" Leo asked.

"Leo, I need to tell you something," Jesse replied.

"What is it?" Leo asked turning away from his computer
to give Jesse his full attention.

"We can't plan the wedding yet," Jesse said.

"Why?" Leo asked.

"I haven't been completely honest with you about
something," Jesse replied.

"What?" Leo asked concerned.

Jesse wanted to tell Leo, he wanted to be honest with
him, he wanted to share his problems with Leo, but his
pride and embarrassment over getting fired was too
much.

"Things are just really busy at work right now," Jesse
replied. "I don't have time to plan a wedding now.
I'm sorry."

"Oh," Leo sighed, disappointed.

"I'm going to go to bed," Jesse said as he got up and
went into the bedroom feeling horrible for keeping
such a huge secret from Leo.

To Be Continued...


With any comments, questions or feedback please e-mail
me at ilj4ever44@yahoo.com.  Thanks!