Date: Thu, 8 Jun 2006 21:43:03 -0700 (PDT)
From: John R Ohler <lightseeker19@yahoo.com>
Subject: Chapter 5 Returning to Tate

Hey all, sorry for taking so long to get the next
installment out. I did not mean it to take all this time,
but you know shit happens. I am going to try to get another
chapter or two out rather quickly. To be honest I am not
sure how well that will work out. Right now I am out of work
and that is the most important thing. I need money to live
and be able to write Anyway I hope you enjoy this chapter.
It should add some insight into Justin and such. I almost
did not do this chapter this way but I thought it was rather
important that a certain amount of back story was done.

As always all these character are fictional and any
similarities are coincidental. All of this story and the
characters are the intellectual property of the author and
may not be copied or posted on any other location without my
permission.

-John

                      Returning to Tate
                         Chapter 5:
                     Dreams of the Past

     As sleep came to me, so did dreams. Unlike the night
before, these were dreams I could plainly remember. It may
have been the irony of life being so good today that these
dreams were brought on, but they were not the happy dreams
of hope that you figured they would be. No, these were
haunting dreams. Dreams that make us relive the images that
frighten us and remind us of our lowest point. My dream that
afternoon was to relive the day that my life began its
descent into the hell it became. It was the dream of a hot
July day four years earlier. The day was that of my
sixteenth birthday. It was the day that was the worst day of
my life.
     For most people their sixteenth birthday was a day that
was suppose to be special in their lives. It is one of those
days that were to mark a point in life that meant great
change to our world. Society deemed us ready to be
responsible enough to drive a car. Our world was allowed to
spread out from the confines that bikes forced us into and
with the car we are able to spread our wings over the
greater distances. All through middle school and the
beginnings of high school, it was the age every child
dreamed of hitting. It was the milestone birthday.
     I was not unlike any other student in that it was an
age that I was excited at hitting. Unlike some of my
friends, my parents would not have the money to get me a car
right off, but I knew that once I had my license, then I
would be allowed to borrow one of the two family cars. All
through my freshman and sophomore year my Father had
promised me I would be allowed to drive as soon as I was
able too if I excelled in sports and held a decent GPA. My
grades were not the best but they were an upper C average,
for my Father that was good enough. No what made my father
happy were sports and both of those years I excelled at
them. I was on the varsity team in both Baseball and
Wrestling.
     Sports had been the one thing that I was good at and it
made my father proud. In baseball I had been an excellent
hitter and fielder. I even was in rotation on pitching,
although that was not my strongest point on the field. All
those hours my Father made me work at it seemed to pay off.
My coach said I was the best player on the team even in my
freshman year and one of the best players he had ever had.
In both my freshman and sophomore year we went to the State
Championship. Unfortunately both times we fell short. I
remember my Father being so damn pissed about that, but at
least we did well enough so that my Father would forget
about it. Plus I played well enough and basically flawlessly
that he still said he was pleased of me. That had been the
best feeling I ever had from my Father.
     In wrestling I also had made the varsity team. I was
not as good at that sport as I was in baseball, but I still
was damn good. Growing up with a brother and Rick, we had
wrestled all the time. It helped to make us born wrestlers
on the team. I have to admit that Rick was better then I
was, but both of us were good. In my freshman year I got to
the regionals and then my sophomore I made it all the way to
the semi-state before being knocked out. Rick though made it
to regionals his first year and state the next three years.
In his senior year he even won it. My Father not knowing
much about the sport did not complain too much, except to
say that I should do better and that Rick should never be
better then me. Rick never was too popular with my Father.
Since his parents had been lawyers, he called him a golden
boy and not a kid that worked to earn the things he got. He
never was a man that believes the college educated was
better or that they earned anything more then him.
     Thus going into my sixteenth birthday I was pretty
excited about it. I think my mother might have even been
more excited because that year she pushed me into having a
big party. It is not to say that I never had a party before
but usually it was just my family, the Cross family, and a
couple of friends at most. That year I was going to have a
party with dozens of people there. Mom made sure that every
player on the baseball team was there as well as the
wrestling team. My father was even excited at the party. He
made sure there were even some of his coworkers at my party
because he wanted to show off his son that had already
lettered in two sports.
     The day was a beautiful day. The sun was out and there
was not a cloud in the sky. It was a hot day, something like
in the nineties, but it was not a humid day. Being in the
Midwest, when the day was not humid it was not a bad day. I
woke up early that morning. Normally I would sleep in until
ten or eleven on a summer day, but that morning I was up at
seven. The night before I had trouble sleeping, I am sure it
was because I was pretty excited for the party. I knew that
this would be a memorable day, but not the way I thought it
would be.
     That morning I decided that I would go to the gym to
work out. It would not be fun to hang around the house while
my Mom was getting it ready for the party. I would be just
underfoot and the fact of the matter was that when you sit
around waiting for something you want to happen; time just
seems to move forward infinitely slower. My father had
always gotten my brother and I a membership to the YMCA. It
was one cool thing that my Father did for my brother and me.
He always wanted both my brother and I to make sure we
stayed in shape all year round.
     I liked the YMCA a lot. In high school especially I
found that working out was very relaxing to me. There was
something about working out and giving it all to make you
feel pretty damn good. I did not drink much soda and the
exercising was sort of a natural high to me. There also was
a large indoor pool in the basement and that was one thing I
always loved. Rick was lucky enough to have a pool but my
family never was wealthy enough to have that luxury.
     I have to be honest there is that another reason I
liked the YMCA and that was because of all the guys there.
At that point in my life I deluded myself into thinking that
I was not gay but just a normal guy like everyone else on
the team. The truth of it though was that I did like hanging
out in the locker room. I convinced myself when I would
check out another guy that I was just comparing him to me.
All high school guys do that to a certain degree. Everyone
growing up feels self conscience about their bodies and
wants to know that they are just like everyone else. When I
was in the locker room or working out I would always take
longer then normal glances on the other guys. Luckily I
never had been noticed before. My self conscience made me
always be extra careful.
     That morning I got to the YMCA a little after nine
o'clock. I walked there that morning just so that I would
kill a little more time. The party would not start until two
o'clock and I needed all the time killers I could take. When
I got there I went down to the locker room and changed into
my workout clothes. As I was finishing dressing up Zach
Brockman came into the locker room. He was also a sophomore
on the baseball team and on the swimming team. We were not
close friends but we were decent enough. Every chance I
could get though I tried to hang out with him. He may have
been the hottest guy in my grade and while at the time I
deluded myself into believing that I just hung out with him
because he was a friend, I knew deep down that I lusted for
him.
     Zach was a gorgeous guy. He was four months older then
I was. He had extremely short brown hair that during winter
he shaved completely off for swimming. He had a set of
dazzling green eyes that when he stared hard at me with I
would sometimes blush. He would joke about me liking him,
but neither of us took that seriously. His body was the
definition of perfect. His muscles were tight and smooth.
His ass too seemed to perfectly compliment his body. Every
time I saw him there were butterflies in my stomach. It was
something that had never happened before him.
     "Hey how goes it, Justin," Zach reached out and patted
my shoulder. "I was just about to work out. Do you want to
work out together? I could use a spotter."
     I grinned back at him and quickly said yes. We chatted
in the locker room as he changed into his work out clothes.
He took his time to change into those clothes. He shed off
his tee shirt and his jeans quick enough but took his time
standing in his gray briefs he wore. He paused to say a few
things to me and slowly pull out his workout clothes from
his bag. His briefs were tight and his manhood looked rather
large in it. I had to advert eyes just so I would not get a
hard on.
     Zach seemed to slow down even more getting his clothes
out as I felt a little uncomfortable. I could not look away
too long without attracting attention. The locker room
seemed hotter then normal. Zach had a mischievous look on
his face but nothing else seemed to much out of the
ordinary. As he rose up from the bench he took a minute to
adjust himself in his briefs and then smooth out the fabric
on the front. It was hard to not just stare but somehow I
just managed to only take a few glance down at him and then
looking away or concentrating on keeping my eyes on his face
while we continued to talk. After a few more minutes he
slowly put his clothes on and we went out and started to
work out.
     For the next three hours we worked out on pretty much
all the machines at the YMCA. We were not moving quickly
through everything, just doing one machine at a time and
just joking around and such. As the morning went on I was
definitely aware that Zach was being more touchy feely then
usual. He was giving me the pat on the ass a little more,
and patting my back more often. Often times he would bump
into me. He hands more then once seemed to accidentally
brush my crotch. It took all my willpower not to get a hard
on over it. It began to make me really realize that I like
Zach much more then a friend.
     As working out came to a close we both walked to the
locker room. We chatted as we stepped into the locker room.
"So you're looking forward to your party today?" Zach put
his arm around me as we entered the locker area. "I know on
my sixteenth I was fucking excited like hell. Of course I
did get a mustang on my birthday. Do you think you are
getting a car?"
     I know I gave a stupid grin when I replied back, "Yeah
I am kinda excited about the party. To be honest I have
never had a party like this before. Although I am a little
worried that the parents might do something embarrassing,
but you know how that goes."
     "Yeah mine were awesome they set the party up and as my
other gift they left. They knew the two gifts I wanted."
     I laughed, "Yeah my parents don't love me that much to
give me that gift. I am not sure what they are giving today,
but I doubt a car. My Father has already said as much. We
just don't have the money for that right now. That is cool
though, he said he would help with the insurance if I got
one this summer with a summer job and that until then I
would be able to use the family car."
     We began to take our clothes off. Zach seemed to tear
his clothes off rather quickly. "So you up for a shower? You
don't want to smell at your party..although come to think
about it that, is you normal smell."
     I shoved Zach away playfully and replied, "Right, you
could not smell a fucking hog farm with your odor!"
     I followed suit stripping out of my clothes and we went
into the shower. I felt more then a little self conscience
as we stepped into the shower. I avoided looking down at
Zach's goods to prevent having a problem that would be hard
to explain, but it felt like a super human endeavor not to
look down. Just seeing his chest and his face, I knew that I
wanted Zach like no other person. There was such a tug a war
inside of me. It was becoming harder and harder not to come
to the grips with the truth about my sexuality.
     "You ok," Zack lightly slapped me on the right cheek. I
guess I sort of zoned out trying to concentrate. "You seem
to be far away." Zach gave me a sly grin that made me want
to melt.
     "Uh sorry, I just was thinking I guess, you know about
the party. It's a big deal," I managed to come up with a
lie. I knew that I was thinking about that sexy body in
front of me and wondering what it meant to be attracted to
him.
     As we both soaped up we continued to make small talk.
It was hard for me to not take glimpses of him. Streams of
soap and water rolled down his perfectly sculpted body. His
ass was well rounded and was perfection. There was an
awkward moment when he turned to me and saw me taking a
look. I know I blushed but before he said anything two other
guys came into the shower.
     I did not think that Zach had noticed my glance and for
that I was thankful for. He just smiled at me. We chatted
for a little bit more and then rinsed off. We headed back
into the locker area. The locker room was starting to full
up with people coming in on Saturday. That was always a busy
day at the YMCA in Tate. Tate was not a big town with a lot
of things to do, so the YMCA was one of the places to be for
a kid. Zach took a little bit of time to dry off but not a
slow as he was this morning. He seemed to be a little more
conscience of people around. It was not that I minded
though, I too felt more conscience with other people in the
locker room.
     After we stepped out of the locker room Zach offered me
a ride home but I wanted to walk. If for nothing else to
kill time and to be honest I needed to think. There were
feelings that were boiling to the surface that I could not
control or knew what to do about. I used to delude myself
that I was not gay, but at least at that moment I was
finding it hard to do that. Besides, I was afraid to be
alone with Zach at that moment. The fear was that he would
find out that I was attracted to him and know I was a freak.
      So we parted company. He seemed a little disappointed
that I did not want to catch a ride home with him, but he
was excited about the party in a couple of hours. He
promised he would not miss it. It sort of made me feel good
to hear him say it. It made the party seem more exciting. I
knew it would be a party that I never would forget. How true
that was.
     When I arrived back at the house it was almost one. I
had walked by the lake in the park. I tempted to sit for
awhile and think, but I knew there was not time for that. I
also felt the urge to dress up more then normal. I wanted to
impress Zach. It was something that I never really worried
about.
     My Mom was busy setting up the last preparations for
the party when I got back and she had Patrick doing some
cleaning around the house. Patrick was doing the chores with
an excitement that he was not known for doing them. I think
that he was almost as excited or maybe even more excited
then I was for my birthday. In the days leading up to the
event he kept talking about me getting my driver license and
just going all over town. His excitement even made me more
excited for the party if that was even possible.
     "Hey Bro, you ready for the party? You should see the
cake Mom got, it is pretty cool. Dad is in such a good mood
too. This is going to be a rocking day!"
     "Yeah it's going to be pretty sweet. I think this is
bound to be the best day."
     I went upstairs and began to get ready for the party. I
took another shower and got dressed in my best clothes. It
must have taken me twenty minutes to get my hair just right.
Just like dressing up, worrying about my hair was something
that I didn't do. On that day though, I wanted to look good
for Zach. Nah that is not true, I wanted to look perfect.
     As I finished getting ready, Rick was waiting in my
room, with a large grin. "Happy Birthday! How does it feel
to be sixteen," Rick gave me a big hug. "Today is the big
day. I have not seen your Dad so happy either; he managed to
actually smile at me. Can you believe that?"
     "Wow, he is in a good mood," I laughed. Like I have
said, my father never did like Rick much. When he saw him it
was work for him not to scowl at him. "I have to admit that
it feels pretty good that he is in such a good mood. Lately
he has been in a rather fowl mood with work and everything.
I guess they are screwing with the benefits to cut costs
again."
     "Yeah well, don't worry about that today. It is your
day. Here, I can't wait to give this too you," Rick handed
me a small package. "I think you will like this, I have been
saving up for it for a little bit and of course the parents
helped a bit."
     I had to admit that looking at the item I did not know
what it was. It was normal on each others birthday to get
the other a CD or something of that nature but this was
larger then a CD but not too big. I shredded through the
wrapping paper to uncover a Gameboy. My life I had never had
a game system or a game boy. My parents always thought it
was a waste of money and resources. "Wow, this is awesome!
Fucking A, thanks man, this is the best."
     Rick smiled with pride, "Hey it is nothing, I am glad
you like it. Whenever you are over at my place you are
always grabbing mine, so now maybe I can play mine
sometimes. I figured it was better to give you this alone so
your father did not think I was trying to upstage him. He is
always so sensitive of that."
     "Yeah, oh well, it is probably best you did. This is
the best gift, but you didn't have too give me something so
expensive. I would have been happy with anything."
     "Well it is your big day, and what better way to put my
money to use. I wish it was a car, but I did get you Mario
Kart for it, so you can drive at least." We both cracked up
at that.
     "Thanks for the awesome gift. I was already excited for
the day, but damn, I am just blown away now," all I could do
was stare at the gift with an amazed look. I had a fucking
Gameboy finally. I wondered if I should keep this hidden
from Patrick. I felt pretty sure that if he saw it, then it
would be the last time I might see it. It would go to the
disaster that was his room and be lost for an eternity. "You
are the best!"
     "I should be modest, but you don't have to be modest
about the truth do you? I mean I already knew I was the
best," Rick gave me the `I'm a badass' grin that he had
perfected. "Fuck though, look at you. You might finally be
styling like me. I almost feel under dressed. You trying to
compete with me for the chicks?"
     I blushed a little bit. "Well, you know, I just felt
like this being a big day I could, I mean should dress up
right. I mean I am the man of the hour." I felt very nervous
that he would see through me. Rick always knew me best with
maybe the possible exception of Patrick. I almost never
could lie to him. He had noticed long ago that I never was
good with the ladies, but I think he just put it in his mind
that I was shy. I mean I was shy with the girls that was
definitely a truth, but that day I knew that there was
definitely more too that then shyness. I wanted to impress
Zach. Thankfully Rick did not see through me.
     "Yes you are. I think one day a year it's ok that you
look hotter then me. I mean it is like charity, right?" At
that point I tackled Rick and we wrestled around. Eventually
we fell into a pile on my bed laughing. It was a weird point
in the dream, because it was the last truly carefree laugh I
would have in a long time to come. It was the calm before
the storm.
     It was just before two that Patrick came up and told me
that Dad wanted me down there to meet his friends. I took a
few minutes to fix myself from the wrestling with Rick,
while both Patrick and he made fun of me. It made me more
nervous but I did not let it get the best of me. I was too
excited for that. It was my sixteenth birthday and Zach was
coming over for it. There was nothing that could discourage
me on this day.
     When I got downstairs Dad called me out to the backyard
and introduced me to his friends. My father being a man that
was pretty stern was not one to smile and be excited much.
There were times but they were few and far between. When
those times came they were really special moments. His
laughter and smile seemed to really have the ability to
light up a room and it was contagious. This afternoon was
one of those days.
     "So son are you excited about this day?" My father put
his arm around my shoulder. "Today is the day that you
become a man in my book. You know guys, my son is going to
one day play for the New York Yankees!" He turned to his
friends and announced. "In a few years from now you will be
saying how you met that all star on his sixteenth birthday."
     I blushed. I felt overwhelmed by my Fathers compliment
and his joy. "I am not that good...I mean I may just be on
the Dodgers." My Father and his friends laughed heartily. I
think it was the most I ever made my father laugh.
     "You know son I am so proud of you. I know I do not say
it, but I am," My father said words that I never imagined he
could. There was a part of me that wanted to cry at him
saying them, but that was not something that real men do.
For the first time in my life and the only time he said he
was proud of me. It was at that moment I felt closer to my
father then ever in my life. I could not imagine that
anything could go wrong with this day. "Well I see some of
your teammates and friends are arriving, so don't stick
around here with us old farts, go have fun. It is your day."
     It was perhaps the first time that I did not really
want to go hang out with my friends but instead hang out
with my father. His words made my birthday as far as I was
concerned at that moment. You imagine your father always
being proud of you, but with my father, until that point
really, I do not think, no I know that I truly never felt
like he was proud of me. I may not be getting a car for my
birthday, but screw that, I got something a thousand times
better, my father respect.
     Thus with probably the stupidest grin on my face I went
over and started to hang out with my friends. It was a good
time and with the words my father had said I had even
forgotten about Zach at that point. It was not until one of
my fellow baseball teammates girlfriends commented how good
I look that I remembered about Zach. The mere thoughts of
Zach made me blush, lucky for me my friends just thought I
was blushing because a girl was noticing me. I had often
done that. They joked about it, but nothing more then good
natured joking.
     It must have been thirty minutes until Zach finally
arrived. When he came into the living room where we were
hanging out, it seemed like he was the only person in the
room. There maybe were some things that are hazy about that
day, but his entrance was not one of those things.
     He looked absolutely gorgeous. I had thought he looked
good at the gym, now I knew that was nothing compared to
this. His hair had a gleam that sort of shined in the light.
He wore a light green silk shirt that brought out his green
eyes. Below the shirt he wore a set of kaki cargo shorts
that came down to just above his knees. On his feet he wore
a pair of Birkenstock sandals. His smile seemed to light up
the whole room. It felt like just a smile for me. Damn I
knew that this was the best birthday ever.
     "Hey, happy birthday man, "Zach exclaimed as he walked
over and grabbed my hand to shake it. "Long time no see."
     "Yeah if you call two and a half hours a long time," I
laughed. "So how goes it?"
     "It goes damn good." Zach then leaned forward and
whispered in my ear so only I could hear, "Just like you
look."
     I blushed. It was not only his words that did it, but
his breath in my ear. When he got that close, I know a
number of goose bumps just rose up all over my skin. I kind
of feared that someone might notice but luckily for me, no
one did.
     Zach went around the room and started saying hi to our
fellow teammates and friends. My mind raced while he walked
around the room. I kind of grew a little nervous. There was
a huge part of me that was excited like I never have been
before, but there was part of me that was scared. I know
deep down I had to know I was gay and was just in denial
about it. That was one thing that was tough to deal with,
but there was a part that was scareier. That thought was the
concern that I was reading too much into Zach or that he was
just playing with me. I was definitely afraid that I might
be wrong and he might not be hitting on me. The whisper
seemed like he really was. I mean Rick had said that before,
but he never had whispered it in my ears before. Then there
was the locker room. Having been in sports all my life at
that point, I had seen guys that seemed to be slow in
getting dressed, but never had I felt like they wanted me to
particularly watch. Oh well in the end I just decided to go
with the moment. I mean it was my birthday and everything
was going better then I ever thought it would.
     As the day progressed we all moved outside and started
playing some volleyball. Rick had brought it over to do as a
group activity. We both always liked playing it, although
once again it was another sport that Rick was better at then
I was. We divided into teams of four. It ended up being
Patrick, Rick, Zach, and I. We tended to dominate all those
we faced. If I had not thought my Fathers mood could not get
any better, him watching us play volleyball and more
importantly winning, hell not just winning, blowing the
other teams away, just made him happier. All through the
game I could hear him cheering us on and saying, "That's my
son!" Hell I even saw him talk to the Crosses and compliment
them on their son's ability. He never talked to them!
     That though was not the only thing that seemed to make
the games go better, but then there was Zach. First, he slid
his shirt off. I mean you can't play a sport wearing a silk
shirt. That is just the easiest way to get heat exhaustion.
Every opportunity that presented himself he would bump into
me and give me congratulatory pats on the ass. Normally that
is not anything I would have second thoughts about, because
that was just something we did on the teams I was on, but
with Zach it felt more sexual in nature. Two or three times
his hands even seemed to `accidentally' brush my crotch just
like at the gym.. It took all my self control to not become
excited at it. The second time he did it, I felt pretty sure
it was not an accident because when I looked in his face he
winked at me. I was becoming more confident that he was
hitting on me and that was really making me more excited.
     As we finished the third game of volleyball, I excused
myself to go to the bathroom. When I went into the house
there was someone using the downstairs one, so I went up to
the one upstairs that my Patrick and I used. I had drank too
much and also wanted to wipe myself down a little bit. I was
sweating a lot from the volleyball games. Besides with the
thoughts of Zach cool water being rubbed on me sounded good.
     I stepped out of the bathroom with my shirt off. I had
not taken it off in the first game and it definitely felt a
little rank now. A new shirt felt in order. When I opened
the door there was Zach standing there. Still with his shirt
off and his skin gleaming in the light from his sweat. It
was like a perfect image of an Adonis.
     "Hey I thought I saw you go up here man," He grinned at
me.
     "Yeah the bathroom downstairs was occupied and I
couldn't wait," I said it before I could stop myself. I
might as well have said I needed to tinkle. Damn I sounded
retarded. I probably looked worse with the smile I had on my
face. His smile was just too damn contagious.
     "Understandable, when nature calls you can't say no."
He turned around and walked into my room. "So this is your
room? It's kind of plain."
     "Yeah it is," I followed him into it. I have to admit
that my heart had started to race. I was not sure where this
was leading but if everything else seemed scary, this seemed
absolutely terrifying. I mean we were now alone in my room.
"My parents are not wealthy or anything but I get everything
I need."
     "Oh right on, I wasn't trying to say anything wrong
with it," He seemed a little embarrassed. "My room is not
all that much better then yours. My family has quite a bit
of money, but no matter what people may think they really
don't spoil me except on special occasions like my birthday.
My room is not much different except I have a television in
my room and a playstation." He proceeded to walk around my
room and look around.
     "That's ok, I know what you mean. I do not really worry
about it. I mean there are some things I would not mind
having but I have always been content with what I. It has
never really bothered me though."
     As he got around to my door again he turned to me with
a sly grin that wanted to make me melt. "Oh I almost forgot
to give you your birthday gift," He shut the door behind
him. "I hope you like it."
     Before I could say anything he leapt toward me in an
embrace. His mouth was on mine and before I could even think
our tongues were exploring each others. He pushed me back
towards my bed and we both crashed down on it in a very
undignified and unromantic way. It seems only in the movies
that you can properly fall on a bed unplanned. I thought for
a moment that I had twisted my ankle, but in the passion of
it all, I did not let it slow me down.
     "God I noticed you checking me out a while back ago,
and I knew then I wanted you," He whispered into my ear as
he began kissing my neck.
     My breath raced from his tender kisses. I moved my
hands all over his back, feeling every muscle and every
bump. The sweat seemed to make his skin smoother then I
would have ever imagined it. Never in my wildest
imaginations could I have thought this would ever happen.
"Fuck, I never.never thought anyone would notice." Deep down
there was a fear that someone else might of noticed. "I was
always afraid someone would."
     "Yeah..I don't think anyone would have unless they were
checking you at too. From the first time I saw you on the
baseball team I knew that I wanted you." Slowly he shifted
his hands to my crotch and caressed my now throbbing member.
"I was not a hundred percent sure until this morning. I saw
the looks you had and I knew that you fucking wanted me just
like I wanted you." He began to slowly moved down to kiss my
nipples.
     I softly moaned from his touch. While I had dated woman
before I had done nothing but kiss and that of course had
never excited me. This though was beyond excitement it was
ecstasy. I could never imagine feeling this good. I never
realized that one person touch could make the world spin
around and wake up a part of me that I did not know existed.
Oh there was passion coursing through me right now. Oh god
it was the greatest feeling.
     "Oh god, yes I want you. You are the most beautiful
person I know," I moaned has he slowly slipped his hand in
my pants. His light touch drove me nuts. He pulled himself
up to me and my hands slid down to his perfect ass. I
greedily grabbed it and could feel its perfection by touch.
     "Nah, I know I am hot, but not as hot as you," Using
his hand that was not in my pants, he unbuttoned his shorts
and slid them down. He bare ass was soft to the touch. "God,
I want you."
     We rolled over and I pulled my pants down. Slowly I
worked my way down and started to kiss his nipples. For the
first time, not counting seeing straight porn, I saw someone
else's rigid cock. It was a beautiful thing. It was just
over seven inches in height, circumcised with a large patch
of black hair above it.
     "So did I choose well on your birthday gift?"
     "Fuck yeah!" With that I swiftly moved down and put his
cock in my mouth. I had seen girls do it in porn and I had
to admit that I always had wanted to try it. I wish I could
say that I knew I would be great at it, but I know that I
had to have been very amateurish at is, since well, since it
was my first time. Still though, I knew that I was doing
something right because I could hear his moaning in
pleasure. His moans just drove me to work harder to please
him. For that moment the world was in bliss, maybe though if
I had not had been in it then I would have been more
perceptive of about what was about to happen.
     "WHAT THE FUCK!!!" I heard my father yell. My head
moved up and off Zach cock quickly, but before I could do
anything else I felt the strong hand of my father on my
shoulder. He threw me off and across the room into my desk.
The force of me hitting it sent shit flying everywhere. The
mug I kept my pens and pencils in flew off and shattered on
the floor with pens and pencils rolling everywhere. My
computer moniter rolled off the desk and shattered. My
wooden chair broke into three large pieces, one of them
cutting into my back skin. I did not really feel it from the
shock of it all.
     "MY SON IS A FUCKING COCKSUCKER!" My father yelled. I
could see every vain in his head throbbing. Sweet was
beading up on his forehead. I had never seen him this angry
before.
     Zach rolled off my bed and pulled his shorts up while
my father's attention was on me. I could see the fear in his
eyes. He just barely got his shorts up when my father turned
to him and growled, "GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE FAGGOT!" Zach
did not need any other encouragement. He leapt onto his feet
and ran out even leaving his shirt in my room.
     "YOU GET THE FUCK UP AND GET YOUR PANTS ON!" He grabbed
me and threw me on my bed. "AFTER ALL THE THINGS YOUR MOTHER
AND I HAVE DONE FOR YOU THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY US. YOU ARE A
FUCKING FAG! HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO US!"
     I pulled my pants up and as I looked into my fathers
face I started to cry. Shame and guilt flowed up from deep
inside of me. I was horrified and scared. "I'm sorry, so
sorry Dad," I sobbed.
     "Don't call me that, you are not my son. My fucking son
does not cry and is certainly not a fag. I raised you to be
a man not a fucking cockloving fag!"
     "I'm sorry.I did not mean to, but.but I am gay." It was
the first time that I ever admitted it out loud. The first
time you admit it, you hope that it will be just like an
after school special where everyone embraces you, but this
was not an after school special and my father was not
someone that would ever embrace a son that was that.
     "Fuck you," he grabbed my picture of last season's
baseball team I was on and threw it over my head against the
wall. Glass shattered everywhere. I could hear a few more
people coming up the stairs. Glass was all over my bed I as
slowly rolled off of it. My father began to move forward
towards me. "No son of mine is a fag."
     The horrible dream shattered as I opened my eyes to see
Eric's concerned face over me. "Are you ok!" I realized that
I had rolled into a fetal ball in his bed and could feel my
face wet with tears that had streamed down it. "One moment
you seemed a sleep like a baby and next you were crying."
Eric wrapped his arms around me.
     Instead of being able to embrace him though I pulled
away and fell off the bed. My mind raced on the dream. Some
dreams just go away, this one though I could remember ever
point of it. Every memory that I had worked to suppress
seemed to fling back at me at the speed of life. My emotions
were in turmoil. I felt the same shame when Eric put me in
his arms as I did on my birthday. How could I be this fucked
up.
     "Justin what wrong?" I could see the pain in his face.
"Is it something that I did? Did I do something wrong? I am
sorry." Tears had started to build up in his eyes.
     I got to my feet and for a moment I felt dizzy from
everything. Looking at Eric I felt even now I was still
hurting people. I did not want to hurt anyone. "No no no, it
isn't you. It's fucking me. I gotta go. I'm sorry. I'll call
you later."
     Eric started to get up but I raced out of the room
before he could get halfway up. I could hear him behind me
calling for me, but I could not stop. This morning I had
woke up and felt like the world was new, but I knew that it
was not. One night never cures the demons, especially when
you are a coward.