Date: Tue, 30 Mar 2004 14:17:28 -0500
From: lgastvndve@yahoo.com
Subject: reunion of Love chptr 5

Back to Ben telling the story.

I woke up at sometime in the middle of the night next to Johnathan.  I just
layed their next to him looking at him.  He looks so peaceful when he was
sleeping.  His hair was a mess from the night activities.  I continued to
lie there next to him holding him thinking about how much I loved him.  He
was the best thing that has happened in my life since my parents died.
Sometimes I just can not believe that I found him again after those years
of being apart.  I never use to believe in soul mates especially since I'm
gay man but when Johnathan came back into my life I knew it was meant to
be.  I knew he was the man that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
I am so glad that he was willing to give me another chance after all the
crap I had been giving him about not letting him get close.  I know what
you are thinking it iwas any good person would have done, but most people
would not have last as long as Johnathan did.  He was so good to me.  I
know he had wanted to leave me for so long, but I am glad that he never
did.  I would have been hurt more.  I am also glad that I was willing to
try and let him back in to my life, to tell him things that I wanted him to
know.  I love him so much, and that is why I had to make last night so
special for him.  I think he loved it.  No I know he loved his was so
bright all night from all the smiling he did.  He loved every minute of it.
I loved making him so happy.  It was so nice.  I love him so.

I do not know how long I had been thinking and looking at him that night
but I know it was for a while.  My eyes started to get heavy and I knew
sleep was going to slowly take over my body.  Before I fell asleep I
decided I needed to pray alittle.  So I whispered my prayer to God.

"Dear God thank you so much for bringing me my prince.  I don't know what I
deserve to have him here but I am so greatful for this opportunity to love
him.  I know I havent always liked you and in fact after my parents were
killed I was mad at you.  SO I promiseyou I will love him for always.
Thank you again."

After I was finished praying I kissed Johnathans cheek and then feel
asleep.

I woke up the next morning looking at Johnathan bright smiling face over
me.

"Hey lover how long have you been up?"  I asked.

"Oh for about and hour.  I was enjoying watching you sleep.  I know you had
been up for a while last night so I wanted to let you sleep.  But I
couldn't stop from staring at you.  I love you so much."

"Oh and how did you know I was awake for most of the night last night?  And
I love you too."

"Well I woke up and one point and heard you praying.  It was beautiful."

I blushed a little.  "Why didn't you let me kjnow you were awake?  I would
have loved to share that with you."

"Well I thought it was something personnal I know that you never pray to
God really since your parents died so I thougth it was something you should
do alone."  Johnathan said.

"Well I guess you are right.  I love you so much baby."

With all of that said we lay in bed for alittle while longer and just held
each other.  We then decided we needed to get out of bed.  We both had some
errands to run. It was the weekend so neither of us had to work so we would
get to spend more of the day together after we got things done.

"So what time are you meeting Thomas, John."

Oh by the way Thomas is John's best friend from work. He is so supportative
of our life and over him so we both love her.

"Um sometime around 12 for lunch and then to talk about him latest
boyfriend.  I don't know what to do with that Him.  I wish that he would
find someone to love him right.  He is so nice, and sweet and sexy.  She
just seems to go for the wrong guy."

"Well it takes a long time to find someone to love you and for you to
love. People arent as lucky as we are to have been friends, and then find
each other again and fall in love."

"Yeah I guess you are rigth I just want him to be happy you know."
Johnathan said and then sighed.

Johnathan and I finished getting ready.  I gave him a kiss as he left, and
then started about some of the business I had to do today.  I had to clean
up the place after my little surprise last night, I had to go shopping, and
I needed to stop by my office and grab some case briefs to look at.  I knew
it was going to be a long day, but all I had to do was think about
Johnathan I would get through it.

When I finially finished up cleaning the place I went out to my office.  I
did not think anyone would be there because it was a Saturday after all but
a couple of other coworkers were there.  I guess they had a case there were
working on.  When I walked past there office they came out and said hello.
We talked for a while about different things.  They asked how Johnathan
was.  I just smirked and told them.  Well after we chatted I went to my
office to get the stuff that I needed to get. I decided I might as well
work a little bit while I was here.  I knew Johnathan wasn't going to be
home for a while so I didn't really have much to run home too.  So I sat at
the desk and worked for a well over two hours.  I got a lot done but there
was still so much to do.  I decided that I should go before I ended up
staying here any longer.  So I left the office said goodbye to Andy and Jim
and went to the store. I picked up some essentials and some food since we
were out of anything good to eat.  Then I headed home.  When I got home
Johnathan was there.  I did not expect him to be there. Since I knew he was
meeting with Thomas and that usually lasts all day, but maybe she had
something to do.  I walked in the door and called his name.  He did not
answer me.

"Honey I'm home where are you?"

He still did not answer.  I looked around the apartment he wasn't in any
other rooms so I went out to the balcony and that is where he was.  He was
sitting on the groundwith his head on his knees, from what I could see his
body was trembling.  I didn't know why he was crying but I knew something
must have happened.  I went over to him and hugged him.  He kind of shyed
away at first then he grabbed me and pulled me down to him.

"Baby whats wrong?  What happened?  When you left this morning you were so
happy." I asked him wipping away some tears from his face.

"It has to do with Thomas.  I can tell you I am so ashamed of myself.  I
just don't know what happened."

I was getting worried I didn't know what to think.  He was scaring me.  Had
something to do with Thomas.  Was he leaving me for him?  I was trembling
now too cause I was scared of what he was going to tell me.

"Baby please tell me what happened.  I need to know even if it is bad."

"You are going to want to leave me after this.  I am so scared I love you
so much and last night was the best night ever.  I do not know what
happened to me.  I love you that is the first thing you need to know."

I got up when while Johnathan was sayhing that.  I knew something bad had
happened.  I knew this could make or break us, and after we just had the
most romantic night of our lives.  How could this happen.  What am I going
to do I love this guy so much and now he is probably going to be breaking
my heart.  First of all I need to hear what he has to say even if I didn't
want to hear.  I sat down in a chair facing Johnathan.

"Okay Johnathan tell me what happened please."

"Okay.  Well I met Thomas for lunch; we talked about what has been going on
in our lives. I told him about last night and he told me how he broke ujp
with his boyfriend because he just wasn't right for him.  I tried to be
supportive telling him that someone great will come along he just
said"Yeah" and stopped at that.  He sounded like that was more to it so I
asked him what else was wrong.  He asked "if we could go back to his place
to talk."  I didn't see why not I have been there plenty of times.  So I
agreeed. When we got there he started talking.  I asked him what had been
bothering him today besides breaking up with his boyfriends.  He told me

"Well Johnathan I am in love with you.  I know I can't have you because you
have Benjamine but I have been in love with you forever.  That is why I
never stay with one person because they are not you.  They can't hold a
candle to you. I guess deep down inside I was waiting for you and Ben to
break up, but that will probably never happen.  So that is what has been
bugging me today."

I just sat there stunned baby. I did not know what to say.  I finally told
him.  That I was flattered that he loved me but I would never be able to
return that love for him, that I was in love with you and you were the only
one that I wanted in my life.  You will find the man you are supposed to be
with and he will be better than I am.  You and me though are never going to
happen.  Then he asked me if I even found him remotely attractive.  I told
him yes he was hot.  Then he asked if I ever had feelings for him. I told
him NO. He said okay and I thought that was the end of that.  He than got
up and came over to me and kissed me.  I pulled away and then he grabbed
the back of my head and kissed me again and this time I did not pull
away. I don't know why but I didn't.  I just let him kiss me, and then
before I knew I was kissing him back...

By this time I was crying I could not believe what Johnathan was telling
me.  How could he have kissed someone else? It hurt I was numb.  I got up
from my chair and just stood there.

"Baby there is more.  Do you want me to go on?"  Johnathan asked.

All I could do was nod my head yes.

"Well after he kissed me and I realized I was kissing him I pushed him
away, and tried to get up.  He wouldn't let me get up he just held me down,
and started kissing me.  He told me he knew I wanted to be with him because
I kissed him back .  I said no I love Ben he is my life. You are a liar he
kept telling me, if you loved him you would not have kissed me back.  I
just kept telling him no I love Ben I do I do I do.  He wouldn't let me get
up.  He kept kissing my neck started unbuttoning my shirt.  I kept saing no
he wouldn't listen. He started kissing my neck and chest.  I was so scared
I did not want to be with him like that.  I don't know why I kissed him.  I
was finally able to get away from him.  I try to run out the door but he
caught up with me.  He said I should do what he wanted or he was going to
tell you I fucked him.  I said I would not touch him.  And I left and came
here"

I continued to just stare at him.  Why did he do this?  I was pacing and
then he started to speak again.

"I know you hate me no I do but please I am so sorry. If you want to leave
me you can. But I did not have sex with him. The kiss I do not know why I
did but I did not sleep with him"

I was still standing crying even more.  Should I believe his story or
should I think he fucked Thomas.  He kissed him how do I kow he didn't fuck
him.  I know how I was going to know.  I was going to know because I love
him andf I believe him.  He would not lie to me.  But how am I going to
forgive him for the kiss. I just don't know about that yet.  I must have
been standing there for a while because Johnathan started to speak again.

"Baby you have been quiet.  Please say something please."

"Johnathan I believe you when you say you did not fuck Thomas because I
know you would never lie to me.  But I don't know how to forgive the
kiss. I just don't understand how or why you would do that."

"Ben I don't know either. I have never wanted to kiss another man before.
But when he kissed me the second time I kissed him back.  I don't know what
over took me but something did."

By this time I had fallen to my knees and was sobbing.  Johnathan came over
to me and tried to comfort me but I pushed him away.

"John I can't be near you right now.  I need sometime to think about this."

"Okay baby I will give that to you. I do love you though I do."

When he left me out there I just cried and cried.  I did not know what to
do.  I loved this man. He was the one that stood by me all the time. The
one that loved me no matter what.  Now he does this why?  Why would he do
this to me?  I just do not understand.  I am so confused.

I must have stayed there for a while because when I went back in the lights
were off and Johnathan was in the spare bed sleeping.  I looked in on him
and knew that I loved him, but could I forgive him.  Was I going to be able
to do that?  What if this happened again?  I needed to sleep on it, or at
least try.

I went to our room and got in bed. I did not sleep I just kept tossing
thinking about Johnathan. I had just gotten him back in my bed with me and
now I was sleeping with out him.  How could this be?  I did not sleep at
all that night just kept thinking.  When morning came around I heard
Johnathan grab some clothes and then leave the apartment.  I wasn't sure
where he was going but I was sad, that he didn't at least come and say
goodbye.  I guess I understood I did ask him to give me some space and that
is what he was doing.  I lay in bed for a while and than got up.  I went in
to the kitchen and found a note from Johnathan.

Ben baby I went out thought you wouldn't want to see me tthis morning. I
will be back later, hopefully you will want to talk to me than. I am still
very sorry.  I love you so much.

				 Johnathan

I knew he loved me and I did love him. While he was gone I had made up my
mind to forgive him.  It was not going to be easy but I love him and I need
to forgive him for this.  He is my best friend, and my lover.  When he got
home we were going to talk, and I was going to forgive him that was that.

After I made my decision I suddenly felt tired after all I hadn't slept all
night, so I went to the couch to lay down.  I must have fallen asleep
because the next thing I remember is Johnathan putting a blanket over me.

"Mmm Johnathan is that you?"

"Yes Ben.  I didn't mean to wake you but you looked cold."

"Oh it is okay.  Can we talk now?  I am ready."

"If you are sure you don't want to sleep then sure."

He went to go sit in the chair opposite me.  I looked wondering why he
didn't sit near me.

"I thougth you would rather sit away from me right now." He said

"Baby I need you to sit near me right now please."

"If that is what you want then I will do it."

He came over to sit next to me and tried to say something but I cut him
off.

"Let me speak first Johnathan Okay?"

"That's fine Ben."

"Okay I was really upset last night after you told me what happened.  I
wondered how you could do that to me, how you could kiss someone else.  I
love you, and for a while last night I wondered if you really did love
me. I realized that you did but I still wasn't sure how you could do that,
but I guess it was something that just happened because you couldn't
explain why you did it either. For a while I thought about leaving but I
really did not want to do that.  When I got up this morning, and read your
note I decided that I needed to forgive you.  I don't want to live with out
you at all.  It may take me a while too fully trust you but just give me
some time please.  I love you."

"Oh Ben I love you too.  Thank you so much for forgiving me. I know you
don't fully trust me now but I know at some point you will so I can wait.
I love you thank you for forgiving me.  I am going to do something special
for youwhen you least expect it."

I just sat there and pulled him to me and hugged him tight.  I started to
yawn and he noticed.

"Oh baby go to sleep.  I didn't mean to wakt you when I came in. Please
sleep. I will be here when you get up."

"Johnathan will you lay with me till I sleep. I missed you next to me last
night."

"Ben I would love to lay next to you.  But just try and sleep."

We lay on the couch and he wrapped his arms around me, and within a few
minutes we were both asleep.

I woke a few hours later to Johnathan screaming.  He was thrashing. I was
scared didn't know what to do. He thrashed so much at one point he fell off
the couch and woke up with a start.

"What happened?"

"You were having a nightmare, and ended up on the floor."

"Oh" Was all that he said, and he started to cry.

"Honey what is wrong what was the nightmare about."

"It was bad Ben.  You were yelling at me telling me you hated me, and you
started yelling and hitting me. Then Thomas came in and started to laugh
saying I was his now.  That you had left me, and gave me to him.  Thomast
then said I knew this would happen I guess Ben really didn't love you after
all.  I yelled at him you did, and asked you to take me back but you
laughed and left me there."

"Oh baby I would never do that to you.  I promise I love you and I wil not
let Thomas have you no matter what.  Please believe me.  It was a dream.  I
love you."

I pulled him off the floor and held him.  He just kept crying and crying.
He finally fell back asleep and at that point I wondered if there was more
that happened at Thomas's than what he was telling me.  He was so scared
from the nightmare scared I would leave him, and that Thomas would take
him.  I don't want him to be hurting like this.  I need to know if there is
more.  I guess that was going to have to wait till the next day.  I got up
and grabbed onto John and carried him to our room. I started to undress him
but he woke up with a started, and pulled my hand away from his shirt.  He
kind of shyed away from me at this point and layed down on the bed and fell
back asleep.  At this point I know something was wrong but what.

I just lay in bed next to him all night wondering.  The next morning when
he woke I was sitting in the chair next to the bed.  This must have scared
him cause he looked and me and had fear in his eyes.  He then spoke.

"B-b-baby why are you in the chair?"

"I needed to do some thinking that's all."

"You are not thinking about leaving me now are you?  Please say you
aren't."

I got up and went over the bed and pulled him up to me and hugged him.  He
started to cry.  I just held him tight.

"Shhh baby I am not leaving you.  I just needed to think and I wanted to
watch you sleep at the same time that is all. Please stop crying.  I love
you more than anything else"

"Oh Ben thank you.  I am sorry I got that way I just was so scarfed to see
you in the chair and not next to me.  On top of the nightmare I had last
night I just couldn't handle it, and thought you were leaving me."

"No Ben. But we do need to talk Please."

He just looked at me and nodded yes.  I went to sit back on the chair and
he sat up in the bed facing me.  I could see tears in his eyes again and I
leaned in and wipped them away.

"Okay John there is something else you aren't telling me about. Something
else happened at Thomas's that has you so scared and I need to know."

"Baby there is nothing I swear I told you all that happened please believe
I did not fuck him."

"Oh John I know that.  Did he do something to you?  Please tell me.  Did he
hurt you? I have never seen you have a nightmare that badly, and that one
was bad. You were trying to get away from Thomas and me. What happened?  I
will not love you anyless."

Johnathan just stared at me for a while not saying a word.  He sat there
for the longest time.  He was slightly crying, and there was a hint of fear
in his eyes.  I was scared now. What happened that would make him this
scared his is usually the strongest person I know.  I got up off the chair
and sat on the bed next to him.  I grabbed his hand and kissed it. He
squeezed my hand back and then started to speak.

"Ben somehitng did happen.  Thomas hurt me. He hit me and punched me, and
called me names."

"Why did he do this baby?"

"I guess because I wouldn't give you up to be with him.  He just held me
down and started hitting me.  Tell me I was a slut and that when you found
out you would leave me.  You would never want to be wth me again.  When he
got up he kicked me hard in the chest were he had been hitting me. I was
finally able to get up.  But when he came to me when I was almost out the
door.  He told me if I ever told anyone he would kill me, or hurt you just
to hurt me back.  I was so scared but I had to tell you I needed you to
know what had happened.  I just didn't want you to know the rest."

After he was done talking he wraped his arms around me tight and started to
cry.  I could not believe what he had said.  I can't believe that that
Thomas would hurt this man he is so sweet, just because he didn't want to
be with him.  Thomas is not going to get away with this I promis that. I
just held on to Johnathan so tight trying to comfort him.

"Baby baby please stop.  I just don't understand why you didn't tell me he
hit you.  Is that why you didn't want me to take off you shirt last night?"

"I didn't tell you he hit me because I didn't want him to hurt you.  You
are right that is why I didn't you to take off my shirt last night.  I
didn't want you to see the marks.  I am sorry."

He started to cry again.  I then went to lift up his shirt at first he
tried to get away.

"Please please I don't want you to see them.  Please.

I just continued to lift up his shirt and then take it off.  When I saw the
marks that were all over his torso I cringed they were so red and starting
to turn purple.  I started to cry, but had to stop myself to be strong for
him.  I kissed him and then kissed his neck and I then kissed each on of
his bruises.  He layed downs and let me.  When I was down kissing his
bruises.  I went and kissed him.  We layed together for the rest of the
morning just holding each other. I love this guy no matter what.  After
what seemed like forever we end up falling asleep. I was just holding him.
Thinking Thomas needed to be stopped.


I hoped you all liked this chapter.  Let me know what you think and where I
should go after this.