Date: Mon, 21 May 2001 08:09:09 -0700 From: ricky m <sliders23@zdnetonebox.com> Subject: simple-things-7 (adult-friends) Note: This isn't really such a happy episode. I'm feeling a little depressed again and I used this chapter to let off some steam. But what's scary is that some of what I wrote are true. Life does seem to me more painful than happy. It is so hard to be happy when you are a straight guy; it's doubly hard to be happy when you are a gay guy. But don't worry, I am planning a happy ending for this story. If I can't be happy, at least my Jason and Ryan should be happy. ************* Simple Things 7 ************* *********** Ryan's POV *********** I just stared after Jason as he walked away from me angrily. I could see every muscle in his body was tense, telling me just how angry he was at me. Alecx was standing besides me, looking at me worriedly. "Ryan," Alicia's whining voice filled my ear as I felt her tugging at my sleeves. "Come on. My friends are waiting for us at the club." "Just go," I tried to keep calm as I gave her a really angry look. If not for her, I wouldn't be in this mess. It wasn't really her fault, I told myself. Lisa was the one who set me up on this date when she found out things didn't work out with Alecx. "Go on without me." "But---" Alicia started to argue. "Beat it sister," Alecx cut her off. "Ryan's my boyfriend." "What?!" Alicia looked at me then at Alecx in surprise. "I thought he wasn't seeing anyone." "We decided to take a break but that doesn't mean he's available," Alecx said in a dangerously low voice. "I'm sorry about this," I sighed out deeply, not sure I was saying it to Alecx or Alicia. Alicia just apologized to Alecx and hurriedly walked away. I glanced at Alecx to say thanks but I saw that she was smiling at me. "I take it you didn't really want to go out with her?" Alecx grinned at me. "A friend of mine set me up on a blind date with her," I sighed out deeply. "How did you know that?" "She was all over you but you didn't seem to like the attention too much," Alecx laughed out. "I've been there a couple of times before. I didn't want to seem rude to the guys because they were either a friend's brother or cousin." "Jason--seems really angry at me," I whispered out to her. "He was counting on you to help us out at the museum tonight," Alecx explained to him. "You told him you have some work to do and I guess he's just ticked off to see you on a date instead." "I would have much rather be in the museum with you guys if I had a choice," I said in frustration. "You had a choice and you choose to go out with that girl instead," Alecx said frankly. " I guess that's why Jason was so angry with you, you know. He was just telling me earlier that he might have been mistaken about you and that you were a really cool guy." "He said that about me?" I didn't really care if we were talking in the streets at this point. Jason said I was a cool guy! "He said that you seem like a really great friend to have," Alecx continued softly. "He was really warming up to you but you have to do this stupid thing." "You think he's going be angry with me even if I explained what happened?" I asked her in a hoarse voice. "You know Jason as well as I do by now," Alecx sighed out deeply. "He's really such a stubborn guy and once you made an impression on him, it's hard to change it. I'm just glad I made a good impression on him the first time we met." "You must know of someway to make Jason less angry at me," I looked at her pleadingly. "Please?" "Why not ask his sister? She definitely knows him more than anyone else." Alecx advised me. "You don't think it's weird for me to ask his twin sister for help?" I knew Sarah and I were friends by now but I didn't want to push my luck. "Would it really bother you if we all thought you're weird to want Jason's friendship this much?" Alecx smiled at me a little knowingly. "I think you'd do just about anything to get on Jason's good side." I just blushed deeply as she laughed out and sort of looked at me teasingly. But she was right. I would do anything just to hear Jason's laugh and see him smiling at me again. ***************** I softly knocked on Jason's apartment half-an-hour later. As I expected, Sarah opened the door. She let me in and told me Jason was still out. I knew he wasn't at home and really wanted to talk to Sarah. "Anything wrong?" Sarah asked me as she handed me a beer. "Jason's angry at me again," I sighed out deeply as she sat down next to me. "What happened?" Sarah was surprised by my news. "I thought everything what going great between you guys now?" "I did something stupid," I sighed out deeply. "Lisa set me up with a cousin of hers and I couldn't say no. Jason asked me to help out at the museum and I kinda told him that I have some work to do. I didn't want him to think I would rather go out with Alicia than help him out. But we bumped into each other and the rest you could probably guess." To my surprise, Sarah laughed loudly. I just stared at her dumbfound as she grinned at me. "Sorry but that's kinda funny," Sarah winked at me. "You were trying so hard to impress my brother this week and you ended up alienating him more." "It's not funny," I said in a hoarse voice to her. On a more softer voice I said, "Could you help me out? Please?" "Help you out bag my brother?" Sarah winked at me. I blushed deeply at what she said and opened my mouth to deny it but no words came out. Sarah patted my legs and winked at me again. "I'll try and tell him what really happened, okay?" "Th-thanks," I stammered out at her. "I-I'll go now." "Wouldn't you like to stay and wait for him?" Sarah offered me. "I think I'll let him cool off for a while," I answered her softly. "I'll try my best to make Jason understand what happened, don't worry," Sarah said to me again. "I think you guys are too cute together to end up apart." I blushed again as I got the feeling that Sarah knew what I felt for Jason and she didn't object to us getting together that way. *********** Jason's POV *********** Fuck! I hate this. I hate feeling so damn alone! Nobody could ever understand what it feels like to want someone so much and just watch helplessly as he marries someone else. No one could possibly know how painful it is to accept the fact that you're alone and that you'll die a bitter, lonely guy. I thought that Ryan would make me smile and happy forever. He was the first one since Mark that I really imagined myself growing old with. But it felt like it was mark all over again. We'll get close and become really good friends and then I'll end up receiving his wedding invitation one day and crush every happy dream I have. "Jason?" A deep masculine voice called out my name as I was staring at the chocolate sundae in front of me. "Whoever the fuck you are, just go away and leave me alone," I didn't bother to look up because I really didn't care who he was. "You're in a bad mood," The guy whispered as he slid in the seat opposite me. I looked up and scowled at the guy. I felt my heart skipping a beat as I saw Mark smiling at me. "Go away," I said in a low voice. "I'm not in the mood to talk right now." "Anything bad happened today?" Mark asked me in a concerned voice. "It's not any of your fucking business," I sounded so bitter and angry, it scared even me. "Is there anything I can do to help?" Mark didn't take the hint and just continued on with his good friend act. "Fuck!" I glared at him as I stood up. I said to him with as much contempt as I could say, "Don't act so damn friendly! You've lost that right a long time ago!" "I'm your best friend and I just---" Mark began to say but I cut him short. "You were my best friend," I spat out at him as I grabbed my coat and slid out of the table. I leaned down and my face was inches away from him. I felt my eyes were really burning in anger by now. "We've lost our friendship the day you married that bitch and I realized that as close as we were, you really didn't give a fuck to what I was feeling because you never really knew just how much I loved you!" I couldn't believe I said that. I just didn't say that. But as I stared at Mark's shocked expression, I knew I really said it. But I really didn't care anymore. Mark had ceased to be in my dreams a long time ago and I didn't give a fuck if he knew about what I felt for him. I just walked out of the ice cream parlor in a huff and walked down the street. The night air was very cold and it made me realize just how alone I was. I just walked around aimlessly for a while, brooding at the way my life turned out. I didn't ask for much. I just want a nice job and find someone to hold me at nights. I guess no one's really meant to be happy in this world. Maybe those eastern religions are right and that life is just a vicious cycle of pain and suffering. Happiness is just but a momentary relief from a lifetime of pain. At the back of my mind, I knew this wasn't right. Life is how you make it out to be. If you want to be happy, you'll be happy. I knew this was true. It has to be true. It is true. But why the fuck am I hurting this much? I want to be happy and I'm not. I want to smile and I can't. My mind just keep saying one thing to me. Ryan. It was all Ryan's fault! Why the fuck to I have to have this feelings for him?! I should just forget about him and go one with my life. That's what I should do. That's the wise thing to do. That has to be the correct thing to do. ************* ToBeContinued ************* Note: Sorry for my ranting again. Life is what you make of it, so make it a happy one. Don't go believing that you are destined to be happy or lonely. Make yourself happy because only you could make yourself happy. 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