Date: Mon, 20 Dec 2010 01:12:09 EST
From: Aragon76@aol.com
Subject: Steve and Mike Chapter 5

If your not 18 you shouldn't be reading this come back when you're old
enough. This story contains sex between two males without the use of
condoms. I strongly urge any male out there having sex with anyone to use
condoms.  Being safe is the only way to play and live a healthy life
without the fear of std's.  Be smart. Be safe. If you enjoy this story let
me know I am enjoying writing this and might continue with some more of
this story and what happens between Mike and Steve. All rights belong to
the author. Contact me at _Aragon76@aol.com_ (mailto:Aragon76@aol.com) with
comments thoughts and suggestions you might have. Enjoy if nothing else!
Thanks in advance to any and all replies they mean a lot to me and my
writing ideas.


When I came to I was on the floor and the back of my  head was killing me.
Steve was kneeling next to me and had my hand in his.

 "Come on Babe, come on, wake up for me, can you hear me, Mike can you
hear me?" I could hear him but it seems like I just couldn't open my eyes no
matter how hard I tried they just weren't coming open for me.

 "Gary, call 911 he isn't answering me, he isn't coming to." I could
hear by the tone of his voice that he was worried. I couldn't think straight. I
 was trying to think what had happened and it just wasn't coming to me. It
was  just foggy. And it seemed that the harder I tried to think or get
myself to open  my eyes the harder it was to stay awake. I drifted out again.

 "Come on Michael, answer me, come on, talk to me Michael." I could  hear
his voice. I wanted to talk to him, but it just wasn't happening no matter
how hard I tried to say something to him. I wanted to say it, I wanted  to
say I was okay. I wanted to...and I was back out again. The next time I could
think and listen to anything I could hear other voices in the background. I
was  trying to listen to who they were, I wanted to know who was in the
house. But I  didn't recognize any of them. All I could do was lay there and
listen to Steve's  voice. I could hear his the best it seemed to be the
closest to me.

 "I don't know what happened he was walking up the stairs and the next
thing I knew he was down on the ground right where he is now. He didn't say
anything or yell or anything, there was nothing like I said all of a sudden
he  was laying on the ground." I don't know who he was talking to I was
trying to  open my eyes but it just wasn't happening no matter how hard I tried.
It was  becoming aggravating at the same time. I knew if I tried to hard I
would pass  out again.

 "Do whatever you have to, I'll come with you to the hospital, I want  to
stay with him I want to know what's going on." I could still hear that
Steve  was close to me and I was beginning to feel better at least I didn't feel
like I  was going to pass out again. Slowly and surely I began to realize
where I was. I  opened my eyes and was looking up at the lights and looked to
the side of me. I  could see a paramedic directly to my right by my
shoulder and I could see Steve  to my right and down by my feet.

 "Hey there bucko." I looked at Steve and smiled. I could tell that he
was relieved that I had come to.

 "What the hell did you do Mike, what happened?" I just looked at him  for
a minute I still had to think about everything and where I was. Before I
could say anything the paramedic cut our conversation short.

 "How do you feel Mr. Mathews?"

 "Not sure yet, I'm still trying to figure out what happened in the  first
place." I was being honest I still hadn't put my finger on what actually
did take place and how I landed here. I remember walking up the steps and
the I  remember thinking about.....Gary....Gary said something. I couldn't put my
finger on  it.

 "Gary said something Steve I heard Gary say something to you in the
living room." And it came flooding back, I knew what he had said, everyone knew
at work and not just at work but some of the regular customers.

 "I know what it was, I know what made me pass out." The paramedic  looked
at me as if I was going to tell him and I couldn't I couldn't tell him
what I knew. And I thought why can't I, it seems the rest of the world knows
and  who do I have to thank for that Roy, my brother the fucking asshole.

 "That fucking asshole Steve, it was him, that's how everyone knows he
told everyone he could that's how they know. I'm going to fucking kill him,
there's no reason to be nice to him anymore when I get to him I'm going to
fucking kill him I'm going to shoot him to death that's what I'll do I'll
just  plain and simple fucking shoot him!" I was beginning to scream and
thrash around  on the bed I wanted to get up.

 "Calm down Mr. Mathews, please calm down." He looked over to Steve  while
he was holding me down.

 "Get him to quiet down if you can, his blood pressure is starting to
shoot up to much I need him to calm down and stay relaxed."

 "Michael listen to me, come on, stop this, you can't do that and your
not going to. You can't kill him, I know how you feel but right now it isn't
going to help anything if you keep getting excited, I need for you to calm
down  Babe." He took hold of my hand and squeezed it hard, he wanted to get
my  attention. I looked over at him and started crying I couldn't help it,
the tears  just kept coming and the more I thought about what my brother had
done to me the  more I kept crying. I felt like a piece of shit for crying I
always do.

 "Come on Mike don't, don't do this you need to take a deep breath for
me. Come on please, take a deep breath for me and relax we're almost at the
hospital." I was trying to listen to him and I was trying to stop I didn't
want  the doctor t o see me like this. I hated when people I didn't know saw
me  crying. Especially other men, it made me feel like a jerk.

 "All right we're here Mr. Mathews we'll be inside in just a few  minutes,
just try and relax." Steve was right behind him talking to  me.

"Come on Mike, I'm right here and I'll stay with you  don't worry, I'm
right behind you." We backed up to the entrance to the hospital  and the rear
doors opened. Within a few minutes I was in the door and was in a  room with
a few nurses hovering around me. They were talking  to the  paramedic
getting information from him about my blood pressure and everything  else they
needed to hear from him. It didn't take long before he and his partner  were
out the door leaving Steve and I there with the nurses.

 "Are you related to the patient" The nurse had turned and was talking  to
Steve.

 "No, he's my.."

 "Then you'll have to wait outside in the waiting room until we're  done
here. For now you'll have to go." I didn't want Steve to leave I wanted him
here I didn't want to be alone.

 "I want him here he's not to leave this room." The nurse looked at me
for a minute.

 "I'm sorry Mr. Mathews but only family members are allowed in here  until
such time that the doctor is done determining what is wrong with you and
what steps he's going to take, whether you'll be admitted or discharged."
This  was ridiculous I wanted him with me plain and simple, what was the
problem. I  was determined to have him here.

 "Look at it this way he is my family as far as I'm concerned and HE  IS
GOING to stay in here with me and he is the only family I want in here
understand?" I was pissed there was no way that he was going  to be in the
waiting room while I was here.

 "I'm sorry Mr. Mathews but those are hospital rules. He can come back
here as soon as the doctor says he is able."

"Michael, let me  just go out for a few minutes..."

 "Steve if you move from this spot, you and I are going to have a  problem
when we get home, I want you here and until I talk to the doctor your
staying put, don't you dare fucking move Steve." I was getting more pissed by
the minute and my head was starting to really hurt the madder I got. I was
trying to take a breath because I felt like passing out again and now was not
 the time otherwise Steve would be pushed out of the room and he wouldn't
be here  when I came to. It didn't work everything went blank. I don't know
what happened  in the next few minutes I just remember coming to again. The
first thing I did  was look around for Steve. He wasn't there. Damn. By now
the doctor was standing  next to me and was starting to flash his flashlight
into my eyes. It felt like  the old fashioned camera bulb going off in my
eye. I slammed my eyes shut and  tried to brush his hands away from my face.

 "Mr. Mathews I'm just trying to see your pupils and how they're
responding to light." I didn't want to hear it I was pissed that Steve wasn't  here.

 "Where's Steve?" The nurse spoke up, Mr. Mathews I told you I had to
send him  to the wait...."

 "And I told you, he is to be here with me, he is my family and he is  to
be here, now I want him now before you do anything else I want him in this
room!" I was pissed and although I wasn't screaming I was getting close. I
grabbed my head because it was starting to hurt again.

 "Mr. Mathews I need to examine you, please, relax your friend can  come in
when we are all done and I've decided what.s wrong with you and ..."

 "And nothing, either he's here now or your not touching me. Now get  away
from me and get him in here, I want Steve in with me, he's the only person
I trust." I pushed the doctor's hand away from me. I was trying  to make
it  clear that if Steve wasn't in here nothing was going to happen. The
doctor  looked at me for a few seconds and then looked at the nurse.

 "Go get his friend Nurse." The doctor stood there and looked at me I
waited for the nurse to leave.

 "I'm sorry for the first time in my life I'll say it. He's my partner
and any and all decisions that happen in here will be with him here got it?"
The  doctor just looked at me for a minute I don't think he realized what I
was  saying at first. But finally the light went on in his head and he
understood  what I was trying to tell him.

 "I'm sorry Mr. Mathews I didn't realize what you meant at first. If  you
want him here than I'll make sure he knows everything that's going on while
 you're here is that what you want?" He was being sincere I was glad for
that.

 "That's all I wanted was it really to much to ask?"

 "No, you're not asking to much I just didn't realize at first. I'm
sorry for not understanding you." Steve walked in with the nurse behind him his
face was all red either he was mad or he had been crying I couldn't tell
which.

 "You okay Michael?" He had been crying I could hear it in his  voice.

 "I'm better now that you're here with me." He looked at me and took a
deep breath.

 "I hear that your not cooperating without me here is that  true?"

 "That's not entirely true, I just made it clear that you are to be  here
with me until such time that the doctor is done with me, that isn't to much
to ask is it?"

 "You let the doctor do what he has to do so that I can get you out of
here and we can go home, got it?"

 "Whatever you say, just don't leave me."

 "I won't."

 "He made it quite clear that you are to stay here while I examine  him. If
you don't mind would you go over there and sit down and I will get this
exam over with and hopefully get you two on your way, sound okay to you?" He
was  being nice and was showing respect to both Steve and I.

 "Let  me get out of the way and you do what you have to." Steve  moved to
the other side of the room and took the stool and sat down. He looked  at
me and nodded to let me know that he would sit right there until the doctor
was done. He proceeded to examine me from head to toe. He checked the back
of my  head which was still tender to his touch.

 "I want to take a few pictures of your skull I want to see if there  was
any damage. I don't think so, but I want to make sure. I'm going to have
them take an X-Ray and we'll go from there. I'm also going to order some
blood  work to be done. Perhaps that might tell me something. You don't know why
you  passed out? You don't remember anything before you passed out? Did you
feel  queasy or nauseous?" It was like a barrage of questions I had to stop
and think  a minute.

 "I just remember feeling weird for a minute and light headed like
everything was spinning. That's all I really remember the next thing I knew I  was
on the floor and couldn't get my eyes to open and the more I thought and
tried to open them the more my head hurt and the next thing I knew I passed
out  again. That's all I can really tell you Doctor, you'd have to ask Steve
about  what happened after I landed because I don't know, I started to wake
up and  realize what was going on when I was in the ambulance."

 "Okay, then let's run these tests that I want and wait for them to  come
back and then we'll see if I can figure out what happened. For know just
lay here and rest, it will take some time to get the results from the blood
work  so just be patient. If you need anything in the meantime just ask the
nurse. Do  you want something for your headache?"

 "No, I'm good if it doesn't go away then I'll ask for something but  for
now I think that I'll be okay doc." He left the room and the nurse was
right  behind him leaving Steve and I to ourselves to talk.

 "I'm sorry Steve I didn't mean to scare you. I don't know what  happened
to make me pass out. I just remember hearing Gary tell you that  everyone
at work knew and that some of our regular customers knew as well. I  remember
just feeling sick to my stomach and light headed and I just remember
letting go of the railing and falling backwards."

 "Well I just happen to be looking towards that way because I was  thinking
of going upstairs in a few seconds and then I saw you landing on the
floor. I ran over to you and started to try and wake you up. You were out for a
few minutes and finally I told Gary to call 911. And between the time they
came  and got you here you seemed to go from being awake to passing out
again. You  were scaring me I won't lie to you about that. I'm glad to see your
awake now  and not passing out." By now he had walked over to be by my side
and had brought  the stool with him to sit on. He took my hand in his and
just held it.

 "We could be here awhile, do you want to go and get something to eat  or
drink for yourself?" I could see it in his face that he was getting tired. I
needed him to keep his strength up.

 "Go on, go get yourself something pretty soon I'll have to go and get
that X-Ray and then I'll be back. Tell you what as soon as they come in  to
get me, you go and get something for yourself, and don't argue with me, you
do  as I tell you, understand?"

 "You win, but I'm not leaving until they come to get you for the  X-Ray."
He just sat there and continued to hold my hand. Before to long the aide
came in and told me he was there to take me for my X-Ray. Steve and I left
the  room together.

 "Something to eat and drink for yourself and don't argue with me you  won'
t win this one mister." He just nodded his consent and walked the other
way.  I watched him for as long as I could his confident walk was gone as he
disappeared down the long corridor. I had never seen him like this I had to
cheer him up when he came back to the room. The X-Rays didn't take that long
 they took a bunch of my head and neck and my chest and the aide took me
back to  the room. By the time he pushed me back in Steve was already there
waiting for  me. I had to cheer him up.

 "What great delight did you find in the vending machines at this hour  of
the night? I can't imagine that you didn't find something that was beyond
incredible." I was trying to joke with him but I didn't seem to have to
much  success.

 "Hey, what's wrong? Don't go and get all bummed out on me. As soon as
the tests are done the doctor will see that nothing is wrong and that for
whatever reason I just passed out. Believe me I'll be fine Steve, nothing is
wrong with me. I haven't been feeling sick at all, I haven't felt like
passing  out since we got here. So whatever it was, is gone and I will be okay,
you'll  see." I motioned for him to come over and sit back down again like
he was  earlier.

 "Come on no long face I can't stand that. Why are you being like  this?"

 "I just don't want anything to be wrong with you that's all. I  couldn't
stand the thought of something being wrong with you. I just don't like
hospitals and I don't like when things like this happen. Just out of the blue
all of a sudden you pass out. That's not a good thing I don't care how you
look  at it Michael. I just get this feeling that there going to find
something." He  really was worried and he was breaking my heart to watch him like
this.

 "Listen Bucko, you better smarten up. I need you to pay attention to
whatever the doctor says. So wipe that worry right off your face and pay
attention. I need the Steve  that knows how to deal with things, the one  that
deals with any problem that comes his way, head on, no holds barred. If you  don
't I'm going to have to smack the shit out of you, you got me mister?" He
looked up at me and smiled perhaps I had finally gotten through to him at
least  he was smiling at me.

 "Okay okay you win, I'll take a deep breath and smarten up as you
requested sir!" The jovial Steve that I loved so much was back. We spent the  next
hour just shooting the shit and joking with each other passing the time and
 waiting to go home. The doctor walked in with X-Rays in hand. He looked at
the  both of us for a minute and proceeded to put the films up the lighted
board to  see the X-Rays.

 "I want to show you something before we go any further." Steve and I
both looked at each other and then to the doctor to see what he wanted to show
us.

 "You didn't break anything and that's a good thing, I don't see any
swelling where you hit you head. But what I do see is on the right side of your
 head there's something in the X-Ray, look here on this side." He pointed
and you  could see a small round shape close to the skull.

 "Could there be something on the X-Ray? Can we take another one to  make
sure there is something?"

 "I want to have you take an MRI, it will take about forty five  minutes
but the results will give us a definite answer as to what it might be."  I got
to feeling sick to my stomach like I wanted to throw up.

 "I need to lay down or I'm going to be sick." Steve put his arms  around
me and helped me over to the gurney and helped me lay down. He looked at  me
for and started talking to the doctor.

 "Let's get the MRI done as soon as we can. I want an answer before we
leave here if possible." His gaze never left me. The doctor walked out of the
room letting us know that he would set it up right away. He just kept
holding  onto me and didn't say anything.

 "Let's not jump to conclusions or project the outcome, you don't like
doing that to begin with so let's not start now, okay?" I didn't want him to
know that I was scared to death. What if it was something bad what if there
was  nothing they could do about it? Here I was doing exactly what I told
him not to  do I was projecting.

 "Come on let's just wait and see okay? Promise me that you'll just  wait
to see what the doctor has to say." I was trying not to cry and he just
wrapped his arms around me and held me tight with his head on my shoulder and
my  head on his shoulder we just stayed like that until the nurse came in and
 disrupted us.

 "If I take you right now we can get you into get your MRI done." I
nodded my consent to her and let go of Steve. I couldn't say anything to him or
I would have started crying and I think he would have to. I left the room in
a  wheelchair with him right behind me. We stopped at the nurses station to
check  out of the emergency room. Steve got behind the wheelchair to push
me the nurse  didn't object this time she just led the way. I hate MRI's I'm
extremely  claustrophobic I hadn't asked the doctor for anything to calm me
down to get  through this I was just going to have to bite my tongue and
pray to God to get  this finished.

 Steve stood there next to me while we waited for them to get the room  set
for me to come in and begin my test.  I could feel the nervousness  between
us and neither one of us was saying a thing. I couldn't stand the  silence
any longer.

 "It's going to be okay, whatever it is we'll deal with it and that  will
be the end of it. So let's not worry to much just know that whatever it is
there will be some kind of treatment or medicine that will take care of it
and  we'll move on after that right?"  I don't know if I was trying to
convince  him or myself. The orderly came at the right moment because neither one
of us  had time to say anything. It was the longest forty five minutes of
my life. I  can't imagine what it felt like for Steve to standing out there
waiting for me  to be done and come back out. I tried to make coming out of
the room something  fun but it didn't work. He just helped me sit back down
in the wheelchair and  started the trip back to the emergency room. Back to
my room to wait to hear  what the doctor had to say. I was hoping that we didn
't have to wait to long to  get the answer we probably didn't want to
hear. It was almost an hour and half  before the doctor came back in and he wasn'
t alone there were two other doctors  with him. Doctors in numbers never
means good news.
I thought I'd take the  bull by the horns and get the ball rolling.

 "Wow three of you to tell me what the problem is, this can't be good  at
all."  Steve was standing next to me I took his hand and wrapped both of
mine around his. I was scared to death and I wasn't worried about what the
doctors thought if I held his hand. I was beginning to get the feeling that I
was going  to need all the strength that I could get.

 "Who's going to be the first to alter my life?" No point in beating
around the bush I could see it written on their faces that it wasn't going to be
 good.

 "Mike my colleagues are here to help me answer questions you might  have
and to tell you what your options are going to be. I'll explain which one
does what when we're done telling you what we found." I was really beginning
to  get worried.

 "I don't know how to tell you this it's never easy telling a patient
that we've found something that isn't good. With that being said, I'll just
lay  the cards out on the table. You have a tumor in your brain. It's called a
 Glioblastoma Tumor. Why you haven't had symptoms we aren't sure but let
me ask  you this. Have you had any headaches lately or feeling like your
confused? How  about nausea or vomiting, any weakness in your legs or arms,
problems with your  vision or memory?" I had to contemplate the things that he
was asking me.

 "I've had some headaches lately I thought were just from tension.  I'll
admit that they seemed a little more severe than usual, but I just blew  them
off. And tonight I was feeling confused right before I fell. And coming to
I had a hard time concentrating and remembering what had happened. But I
thought  it was just due to the fact that I had passed out and fell down and
bumped my  head good on the floor."

 "Those are symptoms of this tumor you have Mike." I wasn't sure where  to
go from here or what to say or what to ask. I looked at Steve and just
started crying. I couldn't help it I was overwhelmed with everything that he
had  just told me. I leaned into his chest and just held onto him. I felt him
wrap  his arms around me take my head in his hand and kiss the top of my
head.

 "Can we have a few minutes alone please, we need to talk and then I  have
questions  to ask you." Steve was taking control, the one that knew we  had
a problem to deal with and he was doing what he does best, he was going to
handle this head on he wanted to deal with it now.

 "Michael, I want you to look at me and try to stop crying. We need to
collect our thoughts and handle this head on. I need you to compose yourself
for  me, can you do that please?" That wonderful voice of reasoning was coming
 through I needed to hear that, more than anything else I needed to hear
his  voice of reasoning. More than ever I realized that I loved this man and
wondered  how I had been so lucky to have him in my life.

 "I want you to know something Steve, before we talk about anything  else,
before we say anything else, before they come in and tell me how bad it
really is, I love you no matter what else happens from this point forward I
love  you and how I was so lucky to find you and share my life with you I'll
never  know." I leaned into him and kissed him as hard as I could and with all
my  might. He just held me in his arms for a few minutes and looked me in
the  eyes.

 "Your not the lucky one, I am. You're the one that walked into my  life
and changed it forever.  You're the one that opened my eyes to what  love
really meant I never would have known what love is if it hadn't been for  you
Michael and don't you ever forget that. So no matter what they say we're
going to fight this do you hear me? This whatever it is, is not going to win.
We  are going to be the ones that win I asked you to spend the rest of your
life  with me and I intend to live a long time since you said yes that you
would share  your life with me then you have a commitment to uphold and I'm
keeping you to  it. I love you and I'm not letting you go." He hugged me
tight and kissed me  once more and walked out of the room to get the doctors.
The four of them walked  back in about five minutes later I don't know what
took them so long but it gave  me time to pull myself together and to stop
crying. I wanted to put a good face  on for Steve I wanted to fight this just
like he said we were going to. I had to  do this for him.

 "So spill it, tell me all I need to know." I sat back on the gurney  and
waited to hear what they had to tell me.

 "Michael the mass that we saw on the MRI is a Glisblastoma Tumor  as  I
said before and it is a cancer I won`t lie to you or try to sugar  coat what I`
m about to tell you. There is a surgery that can be done it's called
Neuroedoport Surgery. What that translates into is they will make a dime size
incision into your skull that provides a channel to the brain. This is a
minimally invasive approach that offers minimal scarring, fewer side effects and
 fewer complications, it also allows for a faster recovery time. While they
are  doing the surgery they will place a pill in your brain. That will be
your  Chemotherapy and the dosage will be slowly released, hopefully
eliminating any  part of the tumor that they might not be able to remove at the time
of surgery.  There might be some radiation treatments required but that
will remain to be  seen and decided upon after surgery is completed." I'm not
sure I heard anything  of what he said I was counting on Steve to have taken
it all in. He was the one  that spoke first.

 "What are the chances of his being cured? What's the survival rate of
this type of cancer? The question that I didn't want to hear and it's the
first  one out of his mouth. That's my Steve hitting the problem head on.

 "Not good, most don't last a year once it's been discovered." There  it
was, no way of trying to hide and think it wasn't happening to me. I had a
year to live maybe if I was lucky. A year a fucking god damned year! This
wasn't  fucking fair what the fuck did I ever do to anyone that made me
deserve this? I  could feel myself coming unglued as hard as I thought I could
handle this I  couldn't not this not this fucking deal. Why did God hate me so
much was this  his way of punishing me because I'm gay is that what this is?
My punishment for  being queer, keep my mouth shut all my life and the
first time I say hey world  I'm gay the man upstairs decides to smack me down by
giving this to me. I  couldn't hold it together any longer I broke down and
began to ball my eyes out.  I started to shake and just sob to the point of
wanting to throw up.

 "Can't you give him something to help him calm down, he's going to  need
something please give him something to get him to calm down and sleep?"
Steve looked at the doctors and waited for them to say something.

 "Yes, I'll get the nurse to give him a shot that will put him to  sleep."
The doctor left the room and a few minutes later a nurse returned with a
syringe. She put it into the IV and pushed the plunger. I was still sobbing
and  holding onto Steve I couldn't talk to him there was nothing for me to
say to  him. I was going to die and we weren't going to share our life
together like we  wanted it wasn't fair, it wasn't fair. It didn't take long
before I began to  feel a calming feeling spread throughout my body. I looked up
to Steve and told  him I was getting drowsy he pushed the gurney all the way
down so I could lay  down he brushed the hair off my face and kissed my
forehead.

 "Go to sleep Babe, rest for awhile I love you and I'll be here when  you
wake up." I lasted long enough to take hold of his hand before I fell
asleep.
\
When I woke up the sun was shining into the room and  I saw Steve sitting
in a chair next to the bed with his feet propped up at the  end of my bed.
During my sleep I had been placed into a private room and put  into a real
bed. I just laid there and watched him sleep and wondered what was  going to
happen to us. I wondered if we were going to have a year before I died.  I
wondered what I was going to do how was I going to handle this. I started to
cry again and hated myself just like I always felt when I cried. I tried to
be  quiet I didn't want to wake him up I didn't know how much sleep he had
gotten  during the night. I knew that I had slept for at least six hours.  He
 opened his eyes and looked up at me.

 "Hey there, come on now, crying was for last night. Today is a new  day
and a new beginning. We're going to fight this Michael and you're going to
win this one I don't care what they say the odds are. Your not going to fight
 this alone Babe, I'm going to be right by your side the whole time,
whatever it  takes I'll be with you and we are not going to quit until we win,
understand  me?" By now he was off  the chair and sitting next to me on the bed
with my  hands in his.

 "I'm going to get the nurse and see about getting you some breakfast  its
time you eat you have eaten since yesterday at my mother's. So what do you
want me  to get you?"

 "Steve, I'm not sure that I'm even hungry right now maybe  later."

"No sir, your going to eat now, it's time. Like I  said you haven't eaten
since Mom's yesterday, so your going to eat now. I'll  either get the nurse
and ask for some hospital food or if your good I'll go down  to the
cafeteria and go to one of the restaurants that have in this place. And  if they don
't have anything good  I'll go across the street to the diner  and get you
something. So pick what's it going to be? And if you don't make up  your
mind and pick something I'll just go to the diner and bring back a bag full
of breakfast's and demand that you eat all of  them!" He was poking at me
trying to get me to laugh it was working.

 "You're an idiot you know that a real goofball. All right get me some
pancakes and bacon from across the street and a muffin. And you better bring
back something for you to. Oh yea and I could really use a cup of coffee to
go  with that breakfast." He was scrambling around the room looking for
something.

 "What are you looking for Steve?"

 "Paper I need to write this all down or I'll forget when I get over
there."

 "If you need to write this amount of food down I'm beginning to  wonder
why your working in the restaurant with me. Stop goofing off and get  moving."
 At least he had me laughing and I realized that had been his intention
all along. I knew why I loved him so much. He came over to the bed and kissed
me. I grabbed him by the neck and held onto him I wasn't done kissing him
that  quickly. The next thing I knew the nurse was standing at the end of the
bed and  was just looking at us and for once I didn't care what she thought.

 "Excuse my gentlemen, that will be enough of that!" At first I  thought
she was going to be a pain in the ass about  the whole thing but I  saw her
crack a smile the longer I looked at her. I pushed Steve away from me  and
motioned for him to get going.

 "Go, go get breakfast and hurry back. I am hungry after all." He  touched
the side of my face and winked at me, turned his back to me and walked  out
the door. I wondered how long I was going to watch him walk out this door
and how long it was going  to be before I went home with him. The nurse
broke my thoughts and brought me back to reality.

 "Mr. Mathews I need for you to take a shower and get yourself cleaned  up.
You have some tests later on this morning and I won't have my patients
showing up dirty. Actually I'm kidding with you Mr. Mathews I do need to tell
you that you do have tests scheduled for later on this morning. Is there
anything I can get for you or is there anything you need besides what's here
for  you to clean up with?"

 "I'm not sure I don't know what's here I haven't been off the bed yet
to look in the bathroom. As long as I have a razor, shaving cream and soap I
think I'll be all set. By the way what's your name I have a feeling I'm
going to  be here for a little while I guess I better get to know everyone's
name while  I'm here."

 "I'm Donna Marsh and I'll be your nurse until seven tonight. Oh and
before anyone else walks in here, I'm not opposed to the little performance I
walked in on just a few minutes ago there are some others in here that won't
be  like me and if they knew you might not get the same treatment once they
know. I  think that's sad but I'm just being honest with you, just try and
be a little  discreet that's all I'm telling you."

 "Thanks Donna I appreciate that and just so you know I'm not in the
habit of public displays of affection, that actually was really a first for me.
I've been gay all my life but just recently started letting people know. My
 partner on the other hand doesn't have a problem letting people know and
if I  told you the whole story of how we met and how we got together you
wouldn't  believe it. I'll tell you this much he didn't grow up like me knowing
he was  gay, he just discovered this within the past year." She laughed
when I finished  telling her all this. It made me feel good about us.

 "Okay, I'll leave you to get yourself cleaned up, I'm sure you other
half will be back before long with your breakfast. I'm sure your not going to
want a cold breakfast they never taste good that much I can tell you for
sure."  And with that she was out the door and was gone. I got up and headed
for the  bathroom to get myself cleaned up and ready for the day. The next few
days  consisted of tests, needles, more tests more needles and more tests
and even  more needles. I was beginning to dread anyone that walked into my
room that had  a white coat on or a white uniform for that matter. Steve and
I talked more and  more about everything that was going on and listened to
what the doctors had to  say about the results of the tests and what it all
meant. For the first forty  eight hours we kept everything quiet from the
family only Gary and Eileen knew  what was really going on and neither one of
them wanted to be the ones that  broke the news to our parents. But I knew
the time was coming and I had to  talk  to Steve about how we were going to
handle it.

 "How do you want to this Steve? Should I just call them and tell them  or
should we have them come to the hospital and then tell them?"

"I'm not sure Mike I haven't told mine yet either and I was  wondering the
same thing. What do you think if I call all of them and tell them  to come?
They're going to want to know what's going on before they just come  don't
you think?"

 "Yes, your probably right, they're going to want to know something.  And
I don't want to tell them the whole story over the phone. We've got to come
 up with something in order to get them here. I hate lying about this but
at the  same time I have to this time at least just to get  them here. I
think that  I'll have you call my parents and tell them I'm in the hospital and
I want them  to come here because I need their advice about a surgery their
going to do. It's  not a lie and you won't have to tell them the whole
story. If they start asking  just tell them that your not real sure about the
whole thing and that's why I  want them here. What do you think, think it
will work?"

 "Sounds like the best idea so far, I don't know how else to get them
here Michael, I know I can get mine here without to much detail, because it's
you not me that's in the hospital. So why don't I just make the calls and
get  them here for tonight? Think your ready to handle the four of them
together?  This could be interesting you know having the four of them here
together under  these circumstances. I'm going to be honest Michael, the gay issue
will be  pushed aside once you tell them what's really going on at the
moment. Every  cloud has it's silver lining, I guess this would be the silver
lining. They  won't think twice about us and the gay issue at all." I had to
laugh because he  was right, once my Mom and Dad found out what was really
going on they wouldn't  be concerned about me being gay anymore. How sad it'
s taking a cancer to make  them realize how unimportant me being gay really
is. Steve made the phone calls  to his parents first and then to mine.

 "How did it go, your mother didn't want to hang up from me, she knows
that this isn't good because I won't tell her over the phone, she told me
straight out that I was lying to her. It wasn't easy but I finally got her to
say that they would be here I didn't have any problems with my folks my mom
said  they would be here and she didn't ask any questions. How do you want
to do this  tonight? Do you want the doctors here to tell them because I can
ask Dr.  Grisales to be here to explain it to them?"

 "No, you can explain it to them because I don't know if I can get
through the explanation without becoming unglued Steve. I hate to ask you, but  I'
m asking, will you do this for me I can't look at my mother and try and
explain  this, I know I just won't get through it?

 "You know I'll do whatever you want me Michael. Surgery is tomorrow  how
are you doing? You getting scared yet?" We hadn't said to much about the
surgery coming up. It isn't that we were  avoiding the subject it's just
there wasn't much to discuss anymore. We pretty much were taking it day by
day.  Steve was at the hospital every minute that he wasn't at work. He hadn't
told  them at work what was really going on he just told them that I was
having a  surgery of some kind. He told my boss what was really going on
because he wasn't  sure what was going to happen to me and going back to work
after the surgery.  The doctor wasn't saying  that I couldn't but he was
saying that I could  right away either.

 "Yes Steve I'm scared the doctor said I could have some sedatives any
time that I wanted them today. I haven't taken any so far but I think you
should  go ask the nurse to get me whatever he ordered, I want to stay calm the
rest of  the day until our parents come and especially for when their here."
He walked  out of the room to find the nurse and I began to contemplate how
my mother and  father were going to take the news. I knew my mother wasn't
going to handle it  well but I wasn't sure about my father I started to cry
again the last few days  I was doing that I a lot. I tried to stop I didn't
want to let Steve see me like  this I hated crying in front of him for some
reason even if I did have a good  reason this time. I didn't stop in time
and he walked back into the room. He  walked over to the bed and sat down next
to me and just put his arms around me  and pulled me into him.

 "Come on now, your going to be fine, the operation is going to go off
without a hitch and you'll be on your feet in no time and back home with me
where you belong in a few days. So don't cry besides I don't want your eyes
all  puffy and red when our parents get here, they'll be lost before I even
begin to  tell them what's going on." Thankfully we were interrupted by the
delivery of my  dinner tray. I uncovered the plate and looked at this bland
looking piece of  meat and vegetables that had no color it was the last
thing that I wanted to  eat.

 "Do me a favor go downstairs and get me a sandwich there is no way  I'm
going to eat this dinner, it looks like paste potatoes, colorless vegetables
and boiled meat. Please don't subject my last dinner before surgery to this.
"  Steve got up and smiled and looked at my dinner plate and agreed with me.

 "What kind do you want? Anything special?"

 "I don't care at this point anything will be better than what's  sitting
in front of me right now, surprise me just get me something you know  I'll
eat Steve." With that he was out the door and on his way downstairs. I put
the lid back on my dinner and laid my head down. Donna walked in the door the
 second after I had closed my eyes.

 "I have your juice Mr. Mathews." Donna was always happy and put a  smile
on my face whenever she walked into my room

 "I wish that you would stop calling me Mr. Mathews you make me sound  old
and I'm at least half your age, will you please just call me Michael or
Mike? Either one is good I just feel like Mr. Mathews is so formal and stiff
sounding."

 "Okay Mike I'll try but I've always addressed my patients as Mr or  Mrs
when I talk to them. But I'll work on calling you Mike. Now, give me that IV
I have what the Dr. Grisales ordered for you. This might make you sleepy
and you  might drift in and out a little but don't worry about sleeping
tonight. I saw  your orders for bedtime and if you want it Dr. Davenport left
orders for some  good sleeping pills. Even if you take another dose of this
sedative before bed  you'll be able to order the sleeping pill to. Now relax and
eat your dinner,  your not getting anything after midnight."

 "I can't eat that meal, I sent Steve down to get me a sandwich from  the
cafeteria. He'll be back in a few minutes with some real food." We both
laughed and Donna took my tray and left the room. Steve wasn't long before he
walked back into the room. There was just enough time for the shot that
Donna  had given me to start taking effect.

 "Oh boy Donna gave me my sedative, boy this is good stuff, I'm really
starting to feel relaxed. I should have asked for this earlier. I hope I don't
 drift off on you and the parents. Forgive me now if I do."

 "I'll think about it, for now I bought you a BLT with the bacon extra
crisp just the way you like it. So come on and sit up and eat this before you
do  drift off and then it will get soggy and gross and you won't want to eat
it an  hour from now." I did as he said because he was right I hate eating
a sandwich  once it's been sitting to long. He had gotten one for himself so
we ate our  dinner together, he had to tap me once or twice so that I didn'
t nod off but we  got through dinner and I finished my sandwich. Then he
pulled out another bag  and brought out a brownie for me. I love brownie's
their my favorite.

 "I know why I love you now, you bring me brownies!" I started  laughing
because I was getting really drowsy. I finished half of the brownie and  told
him to hold onto the rest because I couldn't finish it. He ate it instead.
We talked and watched the television for a little while and I drifted in
and out  a little as Donna said I would. She stuck her head in the door a few
minutes  before seven to let me know that she was leaving.

 "I'm headed home but I'll be in tomorrow. I'll be waiting for you to
get back from recovery. You'll be gone in the morning before I get in, so take
 care and don't worry you have some good doctors taking care of you
tomorrow  Mike. Listen Steve, I told Lisa to get you a bed in here for tonight I
figured  you'd want to stay so I just told her to put one in here."

 "Thanks so much Donna I'll see you tomorrow, have a good supper ready
for me for when I wake up!" She laughed and waved good bye and was out the
door.  A few minutes later Steve's parents walked into the room. Mrs. C came
over to me  and gave me a hug and Mr. C came over to shake my hand at the same
time he  looked me in the eyes for a few seconds and just continued to hold
my  hand.

 "I'm sure everything is going to be okay, no matter what's going on I
have faith in the man upstairs and I've asked him to make sure that you get
well  soon." I was unprepared for his sentiment and it caught me off guard I
began to  get tears in my eyes but tried desperately not to let the
waterworks start we  still had a long evening ahead of us and they didn't know what
lay in store yet.  He shook my hand vigorously for a few more seconds and
walked away. I had held  myself together I was thankful for the hearty final
handshake and his decision  to walk away when he did.

 "How are you feeling, you look okay Michael?" Mrs. C was the one to  get
the conversation going. I was grateful that the silence was broken.

 "I feel okay, I'm not really feeling sick at all but we'll get into  more
of that if you don't mind my parents are coming and I'd like to wait until
 they get here so that we can tell you all at once what's happened and what'
s  ahead, please be patient a little while longer." They both nodded their
heads in  agreement and we all continued to make small talk while we waited
for my parents  to arrive. We didn't have to long about a half hour later my
parents walked in  the door. This was the first time that I had seen my
father since the phone call  I was nervous how to act or what to say to him. He
was the one that made the  first move and it surprised me a lot. My father
was never the one to take the  first step when it came to mending fences. He
leaned into and put his arms  around and pulled me towards him while he was
still in a standing position. I  felt like he meant it that's how hard he
hugged me, everything between us was at  that instance, mended. No matter
what happened from this point forward I felt  like that everything between him
and I was good. My Mother finally patted him on  the side and pushed him
aside so that she could hug me to. I could hear her  trying to control herself
so that she wouldn't cry at that moment. My savior was  the one that kept
things moving along.

 "Dad, will you come and help me get some chairs, there are some right
next door in the waiting room. They won't mind if we take a few for a little
bit  while you're all here." Steve and his father headed out the door and my
father  followed right behind them. It took them all of two minutes to have
enough  chairs for them all to sit down. I looked up at the clock for some
reason it was  eight o'clock on the dot I wondered how long this discussion
was going to last  tonight. I looked at Steve and gave him a nod to let him
know that it was time  to let them all know the truth.

 "Mike and I have talked about this and we decided that I'm going to  tell
you what's going on and why he's in the hospital." He came over to the bed
 and sat down and took my hand in his. I wasn't ashamed or uncomfortable in
front  of my parents for the first time in my life, and I didn't even know
why.

 "Mike had an accident the night we came home from the dinner at our  house
Mom. He was half way up the steps, lost consciousness and fell back down
and cracked his head good on the landing. We ended up calling 911 because he
wasn't coming to that quickly and I was worried. After they took some
X-Rays  they discovered something in his brain but they couldn't be sure so the
doctor  ordered a MRI for him. That's when we got the answer as to what the
problem  was.  There's no easy way to say this so be patient and just let me
finish  telling you what's going to happen tomorrow and why. Michael has a
Glioblastomas  Tumor and tomorrow morning they are going to perform what's
called Neuroedoport  Surgery on his brain. What that means is that they're
going to make a small hole  in his skull go in and take out as much of the
tumor as they can. At the same  time they're going to put a capsule in his brain
that will be his Chemotherapy.  Depending on the results of the surgery and
the Chemo they may or may not give  him radiation treatments after that.
Because of the type of surgery they're  doing they explained it to us that it'
s the least invasive surgery they can do  and it offers the least amount of
scarring. The other benefits are that there  are fewer side effects and
fewer complications and his recovery time will be  faster because of how small
the incision is. He'll be in surgery for a few hours  then go into recovery
for a few hours but he should be back up here in his room  by mid afternoon
but the doctor thinks he'll be awake enough to have dinner  tomorrow night.
That's pretty much it, I think I've covered what's happened and  what's
going to happen in the next few days." I sat there thinking that I  couldn't
have done or said it better my hero had said it. My mother was the one  that
asked the inevitable question.

 "What's the prognosis's down the road, what are his chances of  success
in his recovery process? And I don't want to ask this question but I  have to
know you two, what's the survival rate with this type of cancer?" It was
the one word I hated using not because I was trying to hide from the truth I
 just hated the way it sounded and what it implied when you told people
that you  had it and how they reacted to the whole thing. It just didn't seem
so bad when  you used the tumor instead of cancer. Don't ask me why it's
that way it just  is.

 "We're not going to lie to you, Michael doesn't want that but the  truth
isn't good. The success rate is very slim, Mike has at best about a ten
percent chance of surviving." There it was the bombshell I just couldn't bear
hearing and right then and there I had to hold  myself together for my
mother's and father's sake. It didn't do much good my mother just dropped her
head into her hands and started crying as did my father. Mr. C was holding
together and Mrs. C was fighting back the tears trying to be strong for me
I  guess. My hero was the one that tried to get them to focus and help them
collect  themselves.

 "Okay now that you know the whole picture we want you to know that
Michael and I and I mean Michael and I have made the decision to fight this with
everything that we can. I've been looking for any kind of treatment that's
new  and even remotely successful for  this kind of tumor. Up to this point
I  haven't found anything but we aren't giving up either. The both of us
are  continuing the search. My mother finally collected herself and asked the
only  question that no one had uttered out loud yet.

 "How long if they can't beat this, just tell me how long Michael."  Again
it was my champion that came to my side because there was no way I could
look my mother in the eyes and tell her this one, this was going to have her
become completely unglued, this was the thing that was going to push her
over  the edge. I thought more than once that if I had children and they came
to me  and had to tell me what I was telling my mother and father I would
want to kill  myself before I watched my child die in front of my very eyes. I
couldn't  imagine what this was like for them to have to listen to this
news and what the  final out come was going to be. I was still fighting with
myself to keep it  together. I wanted so badly to be strong for them.

 "Maybe a year." There wasn't a nice way to say it or sugar coat it.  The
reality was what it was. How else can you say it? Twelve months, three
hundred and sixty five days, eight thousand seven hundred and sixty hours, five
hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes. What difference did it
make  how you broke it down I wouldn't see my twenty third birthday if the
cancer won.  I lost it and so did my parents my mother ran from the room and my
father looked  at me held up his hand to let me know that he'd be back but
he had to go get my  mother and try to get her to calm down. Mrs. C. came
over to my bed and hugged  me and kissed my cheeks.

 "I'm so sorry Michael, I'm so sorry that you have to go through this
when your so young I wish it was me instead of you." She was being so wonderful
 and loving she was being a mother. Mr. C came over to me and hugged me
just the  same as she had.

 "No matter what happens Mike as far as I'm concerned your part of the
Craigen family. Whatever you two boys have decided to do with your lives you
don't deserve this you two have just begun to have your lives together. It
may  not be the time for this but we need to do something for you two to
signify your  being together. As soon as you get out of the hospital and are
strong enough  we'll do something at the house. I want you and Steve to plan
something. And  we'll pay for everything, we've set money aside over the
years for all the kids  for when they got married. I know you two can't get
married legally but the  money is there for you to use as you two wish. Just
because you can't get  married doesn't mean that I'm not going to give Steve
the money that we've set  aside for him to use. So since your going to fight
this, the first step is going  to be to plan whatever kind of ceremony or
party that you two want to have.  That's your responsibility in getting better
is that a deal?" To say that I was  in shock was an understatement. I never
in a million years expected to hear Mr.  C. say what he did. It certainly
made me think of something else other than  crying and feeling bad about
everything.

 "There's something else I want to do for you two right now. I want to
put some money into your checking account Steve. I know with Michael not
working  there's no money coming in  to help with the rent and bills and phone
and  pretty soon the medicine will start and that's going to cost plenty. It'
s not a  loan consider this part of a wedding present if you want to call it
something.  But I don't want you two stressing out over money and food and
prescriptions  you'll have enough to worry about besides money and I want
you to use all your  strength in getting better. I'll get the bank to put
twenty five thousand in  your account in the next couple of days Steve, I'll use
the account that you  have at my bank and then you can transfer it to Mike'
s account so that he has  the access to it whenever he needs it. I don't
want Mike to have to worry, I'm  sure your mother agrees me on this one." Mrs.
C nodded her head in consent. I  was overwhelmed with both their emotional
and financial generosity. I was at a  loss for words but I had to say
something to them both.

 "I don't know what to say, I know you don't have to do this, I'll be
forever grateful to you both. I'm in shock I don't know how to say thank you
or  if that's even enough for what you've just said and done, the money the
ceremony  or party you want us to have. Your both wonderful and have been
so supportive  when you could have turned your backs on us. But you didn't
and just for that I  will be forever grateful. It has helped me in more ways
than you know. Between  Steve repeatedly telling me to stand up and live my
life the way I want to  without being ashamed and your support from the whole
family has given the  strength to stand up and do just as he says. I love
the both of you more than  you'll ever know." I was dumbstruck I felt like a
weight had been lifted off my  shoulders knowing that there was going to be
that kind of money in my account.  I'd be able to stay living where we are
and be able to eat and buy the drugs I  was going to need in the next couple
of months. That had just helped me in more  ways than they knew or perhaps
they did know what it meant for me to have that  money to count on. It wasn'
t long after and my parents returned to the room my  mother looked pale and
my father was helping her walk.

 "Listen you two we're going to leave and let you two talk to your
parents Michael. We're going to go home and I'm going to call the kids and let
them know what's going on. Steve before we leave I want you to write this all
 down so I know what I'm saying when I tell your brother and sisters. I'll
never  remember what you've told us in the last half hour. And you know me
by the time  we get home I won't remember a thing of what you said." Steve
and his parents  were getting up to leave Mrs. C came over and hugged me
again and Mr. C shook my  hand.

 "We'll be back tomorrow Michael probably while your still in surgery.  We'
ll be praying for you. You go in that operating room tomorrow and know that
 God is on your side. I'll be calling my prayer group the minute I walk in
the  door at home, count on it." The three of them huddled together and
walked out  the door headed for the elevator leaving my parents and I alone for
the first  time in a long time.

 "I want you to know that no matte what Michael your mother and I love  you
very much. We'll do everything we can to help you fight this. We want you
to  come home after you get out of the hospital. We want to take care of you
so that  you don't have to worry about money or anything else while your
fighting this  tumor." It made me feel good that they were offering to take
care of me and that  I knew I could go home and feel safe if I needed to.

 "Thanks and I mean that. I won't need to come home I'm going to be
staying with Steve, not that I feel like you don't want me home I know that your
sincere in telling me that I can come home and have a place to stay that's
safe.  But in all honesty we live a lot closer to the hospital than if I was
living at  home with you guys. And I need to be with Steve, I know you two
are having a  hard time with Steve and what that means, but he's  what I
need right now  more than anything. I know you don't realize how much strength
he gives me with  support and love that he shares with me. He's the one that'
s helped me get this  far. And I know you haven't known up to this point so
I want you to know that I  don't think that you wouldn't give me all the
support you could if I was at  home. But believe me I'm still going to need
to draw on you and I'm still going  to need the both of you to help me get
though this in the next couple of months.  I'll need everybody's help believe
me."

 I don't think my mother was to happy that I wasn't going home I know  she
wanted to take care of me, it's just a mother's instinct to want to take
care of their young and since I was the youngest she really wanted me to
come  home. The only thing I could do was try and reassure her that if need be
I would  move home in an instant.

 "Mom, if it anytime it becomes necessary I will move home so that you  can
take care of me alright?" I knew she wasn't happy that I wasn't going to
change my mind but she resigned herself to accept it.

 "How are you going to survive financially Michael, your not going to  be
able to work like you might think. What are you going to do for money, Steve
does not make enough money for the two of you to live on. And they are
going to  be prescribing drugs and things for you that your going to need, how
are you  going to handle that, I don't see that you have any other options
other than to  move home." My father was thinking about my finances and I was
thankful but with  the gift from Steve's parents money at the moment wasn't
going to be a problem I  couldn't live on it forever.  We were going to
have to be careful but I  knew we could make it last for awhile as long as we
kept an eye on our spending.  The thing I had to do now was tell them that
they had given the money to  us.

 "Well to be honest with you Steve's parents just gave Steve and I a
present, I'm a  little embarrassed to say that they're putting twenty five
thousand dollars into my checking account for Steve and I to use as we see fit
while I'm out of work." I thought maybe if I didn't go into details we
could  leave the details out of the picture as to what the gift really
represented  otherwise it would bring up  the gay issue and for right now we were
pretty  much not discussing it and everyone was getting along just fine.

 "They just gave you a gift of twenty five grand? Just like that?  There
must have been a reason besides that your not working so they just gave  you
money to survive on. That's pretty generous just so you and Steve will be
able to stay in the townhouse. There must be more to it than that." My father
always the one to look further into things, never satisfied with things the
way  they are he's got to dig when he doesn't like the answer he's getting
and he'll  keep digging until he gets to the bottom of whatever he's
asking about. I  figured I might as well get it over with and tell them what it
really was for it  would be interesting to see what he had to say about the
whole thing.

 "Since your asking and I know you, you'll keep asking until you find  out
all the details. Mr. And Mrs. C. gave the money to us as a present. I don't
 know how to say this to you other than to say you could call it a wedding
present. I don't know how you'll take this because I know how you feel
about me  being gay Dad, I know you don't approve. So telling you all this isn'
t going to  be easy for you to hear but since your asking I'm going to be
honest with you.  And I'm being honest not to hurt you or to rub your nose in
it or anything like  that I'm being honest because for the first time in my
life I have someone in my  life that's standing beside me and telling me
that it's okay to say I'm  gay and that I should stand up for what and who I
am. With that being said Steve  has asked me to spend the rest of my life
with him, funny, I guess that might  not be that long now. But if I do
survive this then I've already told Steve that  I would because I love him more
than anyone I have ever loved in my life. I know  you don't understand that
but that's the way it is. We told Steve's parents over  dinner last Sunday
and they have taken me in with open arms. They want us to  have a ceremony or
party after I get out of the hospital and am capable enough  to do it. I
hope that you will both come it would mean  a lot to me, I'll  understand if
you don't but it will hurt me if you don't. And in the past few  days I've
come to learn one thing very clearly, life is to short Dad we might  not have
much time left I'd rather spend what time I might have left with us not
fighting. I guess I'm asking you to forget how you feel and think about gay
people, just love me and accept Steve and I for who we are. Can I ask that of
you? Will you do that for me Dad?"

 He just looked at me and didn't saying anything to me. I wasn't going  to
say anything I was going to wait for him to say something, good bad or
indifferent I was going to wait. The silence between us was broken by Steve
walking back into the room. He walked directly over to my bed and stood on the
 opposite side of my mother and father he reached down and took my hand and
put  it in his, never saying a word.

 "It's not that I hate you Michael I don't you're my son and I love  you.
I'm not ashamed of who or what you choose to be it's your life to live and
 you're the one that has to live with the decisions that you make in it.
Your  right in that fact that I don't believe that two men should go to bed
with each  other it's not what God intended but I'm not going to get into
that argument  with you. If sharing the rest of your life with Steve is what
you want then  there is nothing I can do about it. But I won't shut you out of
my life by  ignoring you or by not accepting Steve along with you. I will
go to this  ceremony thing if that's what you want. Just as Steve's parents
gave you a gift  your mother and I will do the same, we put money aside for
you to get married  the same as for your sister when she got married and
when your brother got  married. I hope yours lasts longer than your brothers.
But I'll wait until your  ceremony to give you two your wedding present as
you put it. Can you live with  that, can the both of you live with how I feel?"
 I was surprised but I think  that because of the tumor his views were
forcefully changed about how he felt  about me being gay but if I survived this
he might feel the same way for a very  long time.

 "I can deal with that Dad and I think Steve can to at least your  being
honest and that's the one thing that Steve has taught me the most about
living my life, it's just to live it honestly." I felt good with the way that
our conversation had gone at least I felt like I could go to bed and sleep
knowing that my father didn't hate me like I thought he did. I could tell by
the  look on my mother's face that she was relieved that my father and I had
worked  out our differences it made her relax a little I think.

 "I think it's time that we get going Frank, Michel needs to get some
rest and the boys will want to talk I'm sure." My mother and father came over
to  my bed and both of them hugged me at the same time it had been a long
time since  I had been hugged by both of my parents at the same time. It took
me back to  memories of my childhood and with those thoughts running through
my head the  flood gates opened and the tears came flowing out I couldn't
stop them no matter  how hard I tried. They both just hung onto me. My father
let go first and sat  down in the chair with tears in his eyes my mother
just hung on and rocked me  back and forth the same way she had done so many
times when I was a child after  I had skinned my knee or fallen off my bike.
It was her way of trying to make me  feel better, I did. Steve walked out of
the room and I wondered where he was  going perhaps he was just giving my
parents and I some time to be alone. He was  so good to me since we had heard
the news I knew why I loved him so much. My  mother let go and wiped away
her tears and gently kissed my forehead.

 "We love you Michael and we'll be here in the morning. Do you know  what
time Steve is coming here?"

 "He's staying here with me for the night my day nurse has arranged  for
them to bring a bed in for Steve to sleep in tonight so he can stay with  me."
 At the mention of his name he came back into the bedroom followed by Jason
 my nurse. He was carrying a syringe and I knew then what Steve had done
when he  left the room. Jason asked how I was feeling and put the needle into
the IV line  and pushed I knew in a few minutes that I would be able to
relax and would calm  down.

 "He just gave him a sedative that's where I had gone. I knew he was
going to need it. I suggest you say good night I'm not trying to push you out
believe me I just know that he's going to really start to relax in a minute
because this sedative had something in it that will also help him sleep,
doctors  orders." I hadn't counted on that I wanted to talk to Steve after my
parents  left.

 "We'll see you in the morning Steve, are you going to wait here in  his
room while he's in surgery or in a waiting room somewhere else?"

 "I'll be here in his room, they'll let me know when he gets out of
surgery and goes to recovery. I told my parents to come here to so feel free to
come when ever you want to. I suggest you come around lunchtime he'll
probably  be out of surgery by then and in recovery and hopefully be back in the
room  shortly after that."

 "Good night Michael, we'll see you tomorrow." My parents walked out  of
the room and Steve went with them to walk them to the elevator. I was
grateful that he did I knew my mother would appreciate him doing so. By the time
he returned I was getting groggy and was having a hard time keeping my eyes
open.

 "That wasn't fair, I wanted to talk to you before I feel asleep. You
shouldn't have gone and told the nurse to give me that shot now."

 "You needed it you were getting to upset and I don't  want you  getting
that upset tonight. I wanted to make sure that you were calm and relaxed  I
know it wasn't easy because of telling all of them and then dealing with
their  reactions but I think you did really well with both sets of parents. I`m
proud  of the way you handled your father you didn`t pull any punches and
you let him  know exactly where we stood. I didn`t walk my parents all the way
to the  elevator I said my good byes to them right outside the door. I
wanted to be  close by in case things between you and your father didn`t go
well. I wasn`t  sure what he was going to say to you and I wasn`t going to
leave you alone." I  took his hand in mine and pulled him onto the bed.

 "If I haven't told you lately I love you your to good to me. I'm  going
to have a lot of paying you back for all this time that your taking care  of
me I'm feeling spoiled by all you do."

 "Don't worry I'm keeping track and making a list, you'll be busy for
about two years after this surgery and the treatments are over with. So be
prepared to being busy kissing my butt when your all better." We both laughed
over his idle amusing threats. He crawled up into the bed to lay next to me
I  remember resting my head on his shoulder right before I fell into a
restful  sleep. Jason was the one that woke me up at five thirty in the morning
Steve was  still laying next to me and was sound asleep.

 "I thought I would wake you before any of the morning crew  started
showing up and it just so happens I need to draw some blood from  you at the same
time."

 "Did you actually let me sleep all night Jason without any  interruption? I
'm so glad that you did. I haven't been able to sleep all night  since I
was admitted you guys seem to take great delight in waking people who  sleep
at night for some silly blood pressure test or take my temperature!" I was
joking with him because it seemed in the past two nights that every time I
drifted off he would come in to take my blood pressure or my temperature.
The  both of us were laughing which in turn woke Steve up.

 "Good morning sleepy head Jason was nice enough to not bother us all
night so I had a good nights sleep for once since I've been here. Probably
because I got to sleep with you in my bed."

 "Listen Mike after I've done taking your blood I have to go and get a
shot for you that was ordered for your prior to be taken down for surgery. The
 surgical team called about fifteen minutes ago and said that they would be
up  for you around six fifteen so I have to give you this shot to help you
relax and  not get stressed out before you go down there. I also wanted to
give you the  chance to go the bathroom before your wheeled down." Surgery
day was here and  all of a sudden I wanted to throw up. Jason had finished
with the blood work and  left the room reminding me that he would be back in a
few minutes with a syringe  in his hand. He kept his word about five minutes
later he was standing at the  door waiting for me to get back in my bed.

 "Jason can I take a shower quick once you give me my shot I really  want
to clean up good before I go down there.  I don't know when I'll get  the
chance after the surgery.? I thought I would have more time than this I  guess
they moved up my surgery time. I promise to take just a few minutes, I'll
be just long enough to wash the highlights good and then I'll get out, I'll
have  Steve standing by until I'm done and back in bed."

 "Steve you have four minutes to get him through the shower and dried  and
back in bed this medicine I'm going to give him will make him really relax
and he might not feel like standing up once it starts to take effect.
Promise  you'll watch him?"

 "I'll push him to get this done quickly." Jason was busy  disconnecting
my IV tube and wrapping it up so that I wouldn't get it wet. I  proceeded to
get off the bed and head to the bathroom. Steve was already running  the
water for me to get it to the right temperature. I reverted back to my
military boot camp days and whizzed through the shower. By the time I was back  in
bed the medicine was doing exactly what Jason had said it would I had no
intention of standing up. Steve pulled the sheet up over me and then the
blanket  making sure it was straightened up and that I was covered. I knew the
surgery  room would be cold. Jason had told Steve that they would be taking me
down in  the bed I was in that way when the surgery was done they could put
me right back  into while I was still passed out and easier for them to
deal with me. I had a  hard time trying to keep my eyes open for to long but I
didn't feel like going  to sleep not at that point anyway. I had things I
wanted to say to Steve before  they put me out and I knew that it had to be
now while we were alone. I didn't  want anyone to hear what I had to say.

 "Listen to me Steve, first of all come over here and sit down next to  me.
I have something that I want to tell you. I love you number one, more than
you'll never know. I was the lucky one that had time to love you before we
actually got together. I want to thank you for being my friend none of my
friends have meant as much to me as you do. If I don't make it if something
goes  wrong during surgery...." Steve stopped me in my tracks.

 "Nothing is going to go wrong during surgery you'll be fine and  you'll
be back in  this room and we'll be having dinner tonight together.  By the
way what do you want for dinner? I'll make sure it's here and waiting for
you when it's dinner time." He was rushing he didn't want me to continue this
 conversation I could tell he was nervous because he was playing with his
hands  again.

 "Surprise me for dinner whatever it is make sure it's not the same  thing
that we can  share what were having for dinner. Now let  me  finish what I
had started to say in the first place. I love you very much and  want to
thank you for asking me to share the rest of your life with me. You will
always be in my heart no matter what, I will never forget that you taught me
what it means to really love a man and have that man love you back like you
do.  I have been truly blessed for having had the privilege of knowing you
and for opening my eyes to a world that I thought I knew all about and in the
process I`ve discovered that I didn't know anything. It's been a wonderful
 adventure up to this point and if I don't make it I will be forever
grateful for  having been touched by another human being in a way that I never
thought  possible. Thanks for the ride." It was really getting hard to
concentrate and  talk to him at the same time. Besides the drug making me wacky one
of the side  effects of this tumor is that it makes concentrating on any one
thing next to  impossible at times.  I was getting frustrated quickly and
he could  tell.

 "Be quiet now and let the medicine do what it's designed for. I don't
want you going into surgery and being upset or unable to think straight like
you  want to, understand what I'm saying?" He stepped back but didn't let go
of my  hand the whole time. I understood and nodded my head in agreement
with him. I  don't remember falling asleep at all. The next thing I knew I was
in the  operating room and they were moving me from my bed to the operating
table. And I  didn't care at all I just wanted them to get the ball rolling
and have this done  and behind me. The doctor that was going to put me to
sleep for this whole  affair was standing right behind me or should I say at
my head because when I  looked up I could see the bright lights of the
ceiling and I could see up his  nose. I felt like I was at a carnival side show
of some kind it made me want to  laugh in his face but he was to high up for
me to reach him. He looked down at  me and started talking to me all of a
sudden.

 "Are you comfortable right now Michael?" I just shook my head yes,  there
was no way that I could form the words and get them out of my head. I
thought that was really stupid and silly and just started to laugh at him.

 "He's just about ready a little juice in the old IV and he'll be in  la
la land in about thirty seconds. Unless he holds out for some reason but I
don't think he's going to have the will power to do anything. He told me to
start counting backwards starting at twenty one.

 "Twenty one, twenty, nineteen, eighteen, fifteen, sixteen, fourteen,
thirteen......eleven...........night..........eight.............and the lights went out in georgia.
" I  was really warm and felt like there was about one hundred pounds of
blanket  laying on top of me it felt really marvelous to me. Besides that fact
I was  really thirsty and wanted something to drink I was so dry in my
throat that  panther piss would have tasted good at this point in time. Thank
God I had an  understanding orderly taking care of me in the recovery room.

 "What time is it and when do I get back to my room?"  The  orderly that
was taking  care of me came up beside me\\by the bed so that I  could see him
without moving my head and having pain at the same time. Just get  me
something to drink please I'll be forever grateful to any man or woman who  does
so." My throat and tongue felt like the Sahara Desert at about two hundred
degrees. I knew that pretty soon I would convert to begging if I didn't get
something to drink. The resolve to not beg didn't last very long within
minutes  I was yelling for an orderly or nurse, to anyone that would get me
something so  that I could quench my thirst. The orderly came back into the
room with a Dixie  cup in his hand about the size of the one that you get when
you go to the  dentist and they give you that cup to drink from that holds
about an ounce or  two of liquid. As far as ice chips went it held about a
dozen pieces all about  the size of a baby pea. Those in the cup were melting
fast to say the least. I  didn't disregard what the doctor had said
completely but I put about half the  cup of those little bitty pieces of ice on my
tongue, waited about four seconds  and swallowed the entire contents of
whatever was in my mouth. God it was like  heaven when I finally got to swallow
the rest of those ice chips.

  At least by this point I was looking all around and still I wanted  to
know how long before the nurse at the desk would let me go back to my  room.

"As soon as you can stay awake for ten minutes without  nodding off and
continue to play the game of staying awake. Then I'll tell them  to let you go
back upstairs to your room."

  By two o'clock I was able to stay awake for a solid ten minutes when  the
head nurse finally told them to push me back to my room.  I was glad it
was all over I was happy to get to my room. I was happy to see Steve standing
there when the elevator doors opened. I was glad to see his smiling face
and it  made me feel better just knowing that the surgery was over and he was
there just  as he had promised me.

 "Hey big guy, your awake and looking good, love the turban you should
keep that look especially that nice bright white makes you look like you have
some color in your face."

 "Funny very funny mister, what are you going to do for your next  act?"
He had taken my hand as they pushed the bed down the hall back towards my
room. I could see my parents standing there waiting and the closer we got I
could her Steve's parents talking. To say the least I was glad that they were
 there, I was happy to see all of them as tired as I was I wanted them
there I  wanted people around me more than anything else in the world.

 "Well don't you look like a million bucks coming down the hallway."  My
father came towards bent down and kissed the top of my forehead. My mother
was right behind him took hold of my hand and kissed it. They both had tears
in  their eyes. I was so glad that they were there. The orderly's that
brought me  back pushed my bed into the room and got me situated and all the
things that  needed to be hooked up were done. Donna was right behind them
making sure I was  back in place and that I was okay.

 "You look good, they said everything went well, but you knew that.  I'll
let you tell this group what they said. Please everyone not to long and not
to much, he might be bright eyed and bushy tailed right now but pretty soon
he's  going to get tired and I don't want my patient over worked right now
I want him  recuperating like he's supposed to." Donna had taken the time
while she was  talking to make sure my bed was straightened out and that the
sheet and covers  were pulled up she made sure I was comfortable.

 "Thanks Donna I'll make sure he doesn't overdue it. Would you just
please get him some fresh water and ice?" Steve was taking care of me and seemed
to be glued to my bedside.

` "I'll take care of that and if there is anything else just ring for  me
and I'll come running." Donna was out the door in a heartbeat to get my
water  refilled and refreshed. I just laid there for a few minutes and looked
at all of  them. I never appreciated them all as I did then. I was happy that
they were  here. I just had to tell them what the doctors had said to me
before I came back  to my room.

 "I don't know what they've told you all this point. But they are  pretty
sure they got everything there's nothing left that they could detect but  to
be on the safe side they put the capsule for the chemo in anyway. If there
was anything left that should take care of it. They won't take any MRI's
for at  least two weeks to see if there is anything in there still. They were
happy with  the way everything went and the outlook is good as we speak."
There was a sigh  of relief from all of them. We all sat there for awhile
making small talk and  them telling me that everyone wished me the best and
that most of them would be  staying in touch with our parents instead of
bothering me in the hospital. Some  said they would come by the house once I was
at home. My brother was never  mentioned either by me or more parents. I
wondered what he was thinking about  all of this. The last time we talked it hadn
't been very good we had parted on a  bad note. Before to much time had
elapsed the folks said their goodbye's and  left. I was thankful that they didn'
t stay that long Donna had been right for  the short time that they had
been there I was getting tired.

 "How you holding up Mike? You getting tired or do you want to talk  some?"
 I could hear the concern in his voice. And the unspoken question that
neither one of us wanted to say out loud. But it had to be said we had to face
the reality of what was happening. Steve was the one  that broke the  ice.

 "What are we going to do if they didn't get it all, what if there's  more
in there, what if they missed some and it grows back Mike, what are we
going to do? He was talking fast which meant he was nervous. I motioned for him
 to come over and sit next to me on the bed.

 "First of all Steve, that's why they put that capsule in just in case
they missed any the capsule will hopefully kill any that remains. If that
doesn't do it then we'll talk about radiation treatments. And we will face
each  bridge as we get to it, there's nothing else we can do beyond that. And
don't  worry in the meantime I'll do enough for both of us. They told me in
about a  week the chemo will be working and I'll probably get sick. Not
everyone does but  most do so be prepared to handle me being sick. If I don't
that will be great."  He wanted to hug me and I could see the hesitation in
his body language.

 "If you want to hug me you can, I'm not going to break you know!" I
tried to sound upbeat and jovial with him I needed him to relax some he was to
uptight over this. He leaned in to me and hugged me and I squeezed him
really  tight. I wanted to show him that I wouldn't break which is what he
thought I  made do for some reason.

 "I know your not going to break Babe, I just don't want to hurt  you."

 "Well they only cut my head open they didn't cut anywhere else. So  relax
now and hug me like you always do I need that the most. I just need to
feel like everything is normal and that it's going to be okay with us. I don't
 want to lose you over this."

 "You are not going to lose me Babe, I'm not going anywhere, we are in
this together and just like I told you before we are going to beat this
together  do you hear me? What kind of man would I be if I walked away from you
now? I'd  be a shit head a low life that's what I'd be. Certainly not a man."

 The next couple of days went by pretty quickly and before I knew it I  was
being let out of the hospital to go home, home with Steve. I had been
wanting that since the night we had come and I had been admitted. I thought that
 I would feel so much better just in the fact that I would be at home in my
our  environment able  to kick back and relax. When Dr. Grisales discharged
me  he told me off the record that he felt smoking pot might help me not
get so sick  when the chemo started really kicking in. He told me that some of
his colleagues  didn't feel the same way he did about pot and it helping me
going through chemo  and radiation therapies. I realized then why I liked
him so much he was always  so honest with me and had been since the start of
the whole journey. I had to  laugh when I thought about that I wondered just
far into the journey I really  was. In the scheme of things I had just
begun and I felt like I had been through  so much just up to this point. Would I
be able to make the rest of the journey  and survive? That was the big
question that kept coming into my head, would I be  able to survive? I wasn't
angry with God anymore it wasn't his fault, he didn't  give me this it just
happened. Everyone has a cancer cell in their body and at  some point in your
life the coating around that cell breaks down and if it's  exposed to
something cancerous then you face the possibility of getting some  kind of
cancer. So I couldn't blame God anymore. I was still angry but not as  much as I
had been in the beginning. At least I wasn't swearing at God anymore.  The
ride home was different for me I was looking at everything with new respect
life wasn't the same as before. Now I sat there looking and wondering was
this  the last time I'd see the trees like this, was it the last time I'd see
this  time of year, would I be looking at this this time next year. Those
kind of  thoughts just kept running around in my head and I couldn't get them
to stop but  somehow I had to get past this I had to move on and get my head
to a new way of  thinking, this wasn't going to be the last, whatever it
was going to take for me  to change I was going to find it. I was determined
to be here for more than one  more year I wanted more than that with Steve we
had just begun and I didn't want  it to be over before we had the chance to
experience life together. He asked me  to share my life with his I didn't
want to be the one that let him down, he  deserved more than that from me. He
deserved more from me than just giving up  and not trying, he deserved for
me to try one hundred percent to be with him  five years from now, ten years
from now. And I discovered that I owed myself  that. I deserved to be here
ten years from now.

 "A penny for your thoughts blue eyes." Blue eyes I hadn't heard that  one
before true I had blue eyes but he had never mentioned them before.

 "A penny that's all I get? I think I'm worth more than that. I didn't
want to tell him what I was thinking not yet anyway that was for another time
 another frame of mind.

 "Well since the surgery you haven't seen me with my bandages off, how
you going to feel when you see me with no hair, they shaved it off when I had
surgery. Steve liked to run his fingers through my hair any time after we
had  sex and I liked when he did. He knew they had but he hadn't seen me yet.
Every  time they had changed the bandages he had been at work I made sure
they did it  that way. I don't know why I just didn't want him to see me
like this but he was  going to now there was no way around it.

 "Why do you think I'm going to love you any less because you have no
hair? That would be pretty shallow of me don't you think? And how much love is
there when your judging someone by their looks alone? Michael I love you
for who  you are not what you look like. I'll admit I got lucky that your
totally  hot!"

 "You must be horny saying that!" I was teasing him he was making feel
uncomfortable with what he was saying. I grew up thinking although I didn't
consider myself ugly I certainly didn't think what someone would consider
hot. I  could feel my face turn red.

 "Oh my god your blushing Babe, that's way to funny. You think your  not
hot don't you?" He was half laughing as he was saying this to me. I back
handed him for laughing at me. He reached over and took my hand in his.

 "I don't want you to think that your not hot in my book, you so are.  Why
do you think I always want to jump your bones? What, just because I'm horny
 you think that's when I come looking for you? I come looking for you
because I  need to show my love for you, or I need to feel like you love me at
times. And  that's not to say that I think you don't love me I know you do I
know that  because you take care of me in the little things that you do for
me."

 "Okay I get it, I understand what your telling me and thank you for
saying it, it means a lot to me to hear you say things like that. And not that
you don't take care of me but in the next couple of weeks Steve your really
going to have to take care of me. They don't want me doing any housework or
doing a lot of work, they want me resting as much as possible. We're going
to  have to tell George that I won't be coming back to work right away. Your
going  to have to move into my position at work and take over as manager.
You can bring  some things home for me to do and I'll help you as much as I
can from that  point. I know you hate doing the schedule so bring that home
and I'll do that  for you. Bring me home all of the paperwork that has to be
filled out for the  state and I'll do that to. I don't know what else I can
do from there but I'll  help you as much as I can."

 "If your staying home to rest Michael, your staying home to do just  that.
There will be no work, your function for the next couple of months is to
rest and get better. I want you to do that the most. Please Michael that's
all I  want you to focus on."

 "Alright Steve alright. But I have to find something to do I can't  just
sit in the house and do nothing I'll go crazy."

 "We'll think of something Babe, we'll think of something but for now
your only thing to do is get well, understand me I mean it Mike I really do."
He  wasn't angry but he was adamant in the way he told me.

We  pulled into the parking space outside the house and I realized that my
mother's  car was parked beside us.

 "Did you know my mother was going to be here?

 "Yes, she came to help for the next couple of days."

 "You didn't your going to make me stay with my mother for the next
couple of days are you trying to be cruel to me?" I wasn't mad but at him but
the last thing I wanted was my mother staying with me and fussing over me. I
could just see it now, she wouldn't let me move I knew how she was when I
would  be sick as I kid.

 "We have to change this Steve we have to there's no way I can put up
with her staying here with us and taking care of me all day. She's going to
smother me, she already things I'm defenseless in this condition. But I'm
going  to have to be able to move around the house and do little things.
Promise me  that you will help me get her out of the house and back to hers,
promise me that  mister right now."

 "Alright Michael, calm down. Let her stay tonight and I'll work on
something to get her to back down. You know she's just doing this because she
cares and wants to see you get better."

 "Maybe so but I won't be able to take her after a few days."

 "Let's just go inside and for me just pretend that your happy to see  her
and that your glad she's come to help you, please for me"

 "I will for your sake but your going to owe me for this one big time.  And
that's another thing how can we have sex in the house with my mother here.
You make way to much noise when you cum, I'm surprised the neighbors haven'
t  complained about our lovemaking at this point. I'm not going without sex
I can  tell you that right now mister." I watched the smirk develop on his
face.

 Steve got out of the car while I waited for him to come around and  help
me. I just resigned myself to the fact that my mother was here and it  wouldn'
t be that bad perhaps it would give us a chance to mend the fences that
had been broken. Maybe we could do some talking and I would be able to explain
 more about why I had never said anything to her about being gay. It was
either  that or we would end up killing each other. I got out of the car and
walked up  to the front door. I leaned over towards Steve and kissed him
before we opened  the door. I was glad that I had.