Date: Mon, 31 Jan 2011 17:10:55 EST
From: Aragon76@aol.com
Subject: Steve and Mike Chapter 8

If your not 18 you shouldn't be reading this come back when you're old
enough. This story contains sex between two males without the use of condoms. I
strongly urge any male out there having sex with anyone to use condoms.
Being  safe is the only way to play and live a healthy life without the fear
of std's.  Be smart. Be safe. If you enjoy this story let me know I am
enjoying writing  this and might continue with some more of this story and what
happens between  Mike and Steve. All rights belong to the author. Contact me
at _Aragon76@aol.com_ (mailto:Aragon76@aol.com)  with comments thoughts and
suggestions you might have. Enjoy if nothing else! Thanks in advance to
any and  all replies they mean a lot to me and my writing ideas.

The noise of the ambulance brought me back to reality.  I could  hear the
paramedics getting closer to me. I could hear the cop in the background
yelling something about redirecting traffic to the southbound lane. I listened
as the paramedics made their way to get me out of the car. I could hear
them  talking they were going to need some kind of help to get me out of the
car the  doors were mangled shut and they couldn't get them open. I was slowly
beginning  to comprehend more of what was going on. I felt like I was
waking up from a bad  dream and was feeling numb. I tried to move and the
registration of pain made me  stop. It was worse in my legs the pain trying to move
my legs brought me back to  reality instantly. My left leg was radiating
pain from below my knee up into my  hip. It was hurting like a motherfucker. I
couldn't see out of my right eye, I  tried to use my right arm but it was
stuck by something I couldn't get around. I  tried to use my left and was
able to move it some but it was blocked by the seat  cushion it was bent out of
place and although I tried raising my head I  couldn't, it hurt too much to
move it at all.

"Sir can you hear me?" I wanted to say something to answer him but it
seemed to get stuck in my throat. I had to clear my throat in order to speak
at  all.

"Sir! Sir! Can you hear me?"

"Yes, I can hear you." It kind of came out as a dry croak more than
anything else. I cleared my throat again.

"I can hear you!" This time my voice came out loud and clear. They  have
to have heard me this time.

"We'll be with you in a few minutes hang in there mister."

"Do you know if you're hurt anywhere? Can you tell me  anything?"

"I'm pretty sure my left leg is broken. I can't tell if anything else  is
broken and I can't see out of my right eye. I think there's too much blood
from my head. I think it's covering my eye. I'm not sure but you have to
call  the doctor."

"We'll get you to the hospital sir as soon as we can. What's your  name?"

"Mike Mike Mathews."

"Well Mike its going to take some time to open the door for us to get  you
out:" There's going to be some loud noise pretty soon they're going to be
using the jaws of life to get the door open so we can get in to help you."
He  threw a blanket over me and I felt a hand touching mine I figured it was
the  paramedics trying to reach me.

"Hang in there Mike you're going to be fine we just want to protect  you
from any glass or debris that might come from us using the Jaws of Life. So
just sit still in there and hold my hand.  We'll be in to get you as
quickly as we can. My name is Cory by the way.

"How are you doing?"

"I hurt bad in my leg the one that's broken. Listen you have to call  the
hospital and tell them to get in touch with Dr. Grisales tell them I'm a
cancer patient of his. I need him when I get there."

"Do you have cancer Mike?"

"Yes, well I'm in remission for now but I had a brain tumor they
recently operated on and took out of my brain. I need him to know before I get  to
the hospital I trust him with everything."

"Mike I'll let my partner know, are you going to be okay for a few
seconds if I let go and tell him what you told me?"

"Yes go tell him I want him there. He has to know." I was getting a
little frantic now I was becoming more uncomfortable the more time that was
passing. My senses were beginning to come alive and not in a good way the pain
is what was actually starting to register in my brain.

"Ughh....FUCK!" I was screaming my head off. Cory was back at my side
trying to comfort me as best he could. The vibrations from the Jaws of Life were
making my body start to feel more and more and it fucking hurt big time.

"Mike....Mike listen to me, take my hand" I reached over to get a grip  of
his hand. I squeezed it hard.

"Okay Mike that's it. Just hold on we're almost ready to take the  door
off. I'll be in soon to help you out. I called the hospital your Dr.
Grisales was in the ER he'll be waiting for you just as soon as we can get you
there."

They finally got the door off and Cory slide in to get to me with a  blood
pressure sleeve in his hand. He took my arm and wrapped it with the cuff.
As it squeezed my arm the pressure created pain all the way to my
fingertips. I  wanted to scream in agony. I couldn't remove it on my own my other arm
was still  trapped by the seat cushion. I was begging Cory to take it off.
He couldn't he  needed to get a reading. What took only a few moments seemed
like an eternity to  me. I was still begging for him to remove it, he kept
trying to consul me.

"Almost done Mike a few more seconds and I'll take it off I promise  you.
Just hang in there almost done...."

"Take it OFF NOW Cory I can't stand the pain in my arm anymore.  Please
get it off, I was close to tears and didn't care. The pain felt like it  was
coming from everywhere and was racking my body constantly at this point. The
pain in my arm pushed me over the edge of trying to maintain any type of
composure I may have had left. I started screaming my head off and loudly.
By  now the other paramedic was on the other side of me and was beginning to
clear  the debris away from around me to help get me out when they had a
clear shot to  do so.

"Mike, I'm Charlie does your neck or back hurt anywhere?"

"No, it's my left leg and my right arm that are hurting the most. My
right shoulder feels like there's a lot of pressure on it and my head it
hurting  pretty bad right now to. On the right side it's bleeding and I think it'
s coming  from where they did the surgery to remove the tumor. I'm afraid to
know but I  think that's where the blood is coming from." The paramedic
felt around my head  but said nothing as to where the blood was actually
coming from and I was afraid  to ask. I didn't want to know. Cory was wrapping my
arm and Charlie was tending  to my head.

"I need something for the pain Cory it's getting really bad, I need
something please." If I sounded like I was begging I didn't care at all. I
needed something and I needed now not later.

"As soon as we get you out of the car Mike, I've got to get an IV  into
you and as soon as I do that I'll ask the doctor if you can give you
something for the pain. It's going to be up to him but I'm sure he'll give you
something at least to calm you down enough to get to the hospital. You'll be
out  real soon I promise that kiddo." I didn't want to hear that the pain
was really  starting to push me over the edge again and was certainly pushing
me past my  limit of tolerance. And that was the last thing I needed right
now I just felt  like I couldn't handle that. I pleaded with Cory to give me
anything but he just  kept telling me that I just had to hang on a few more
minutes. For the pain that  I was in the time was dragging slowly. I was
crying now and sobbing I couldn't  hang on any longer. Both of the paramedics
were beginning to get me out of the  car and the movement of my left leg
really sent me over the edge, I couldn't  handle any more of it and started to
scream in anguish. I used my left hand to  hang on to the backboard they had
me on my knuckles were white from the pressure  and my fingernails were
beginning to penetrate the flesh of my palm.

"God Please God just let me die! Just take me now I don't want to do
this anymore PLEASE let me die!" Cory was trying to get the IV in my arm but
the  pain was making it hard to just lie still while he got the needle
inserted into  my vein.

"Almost Mike, try and calm down its going to be okay I'm almost done  and
I'm going to take care of you and as soon as I get the IV in I promise, I'
ll  give you something Charlie already has a syringe with morphine in it all
ready  for you. Just hold still I'm almost done. It's in Mike just let me
get it all  secured." Charlie was by my side the instant Cory was done and
moved away from  me. He pushed the pain medication into the tubing I could
feel the warmth of the  morphine as it spread through my body. The pulsating
of the pain began to  subside Charlie stood next to me and held my hand,
trying to sooth me and consul  me.

"How are you starting to feel Mike? That should be working soon and  help
stop some of the pain. I'll just stand here with you till its working  good."
Charlie took me by the hand and gently stroked the top of the it. The
whole time he's telling me to breath in and out slowly. The morphine was really
grabbing a hold on my system and the pain was at a manageable level
finally.  Cory and Charlie lifted the gurney I was on and placed me in the back of
the  ambulance. Charlie climbed in with me and Cory went around to the
front to drive  us to the hospital. A few minutes later the ambulance was in
motion on its  way.

"How you doing Mike? That working for you now? It should be keeping  you
pretty well numb by this point in time. If it isn't let me know I can give
you some more it you need it. Dr. Grisales said it was no problem if you
wanted  it. He told me that you're a tough guy and might refuse it so don't do
that if  you need it don't be afraid to ask that's what its for."

"No,  it really helped its not all gone but it's nowhere near the level it
was while I  was in the car." Charlie had a relaxing manner about him; it
was easy to get  comfortable with him while we talked.

"Do you remember what happened that caused you to have the  accident?"

"Hmm...To be honest I was crying I was upset and wasn't paying  attention
to what was going on when I went through the traffic light. I don't  know if
I ran the red light or the other guy ran it." All of a sudden I realized
that I didn't know what happened to the other driver. I didn't know how many
were in the car I didn't know anything about the car that hit me.

"Was the other driver hurt Charlie?"

"No, he was okay, he's just got some cuts and bruises. But they  didn't
think any thing serious he went to the hospital just to be checked out  and
make sure he was okay, and there was no one else in the car in case you're
going to ask that next." He smiled when he looked down at me and it made me
feel  just a little bit better. The ambulance wasn't running at full throttle
so we  still had about a ten-minute ride before we got there.

"You're blood pressure is doing well, do you feel like answering some
questions? It will save me some time at the hospital if I can get some of the
information I need now. And that way I won't have to wait around for the
nurses  to get everything and then in turn they give it to me."

"Sure Charlie whatever you need is fine."

"What's your full name?"

"Michael Wayne Mathews."

"What's your address?"

"529 Ringold Street, Unit 3 Hatfield.

"I live by there right around the corner. I live on Lancaster  Avenue."

"Geez Charlie you're like a block and a half away from me. You ever  shop
at that store on the corner of Smith and Ringold?"

"Yes almost daily I'm ashamed to say. I'm in the habit of buying  enough
food for just a day or two at a time. So I'm in there a lot."

"I'm surprised I've never seen you in there, but then again I guess I
wasn't looking for someone I didn't know." I half laughed I was feeling
pretty  good from the morphine.

"Oh I've noticed you in there Mike." I heard what he said but because  of
the drugs in me it didn't really register what he meant by it. The morphine
was really kicking in and I just lay there thinking how kind he was to me
and  how much better I felt since I got into the ambulance.

"Okay let's get back to the questions. Are you on any medications at
this time?"

"To be honest Charlie I am, but I don't know their names off hand  there
all because of the tumor I had and because of the radiation treatments I
was going through. I think I'm only going to be on them for about two more
weeks  and then I'll be done other than that there isn't any others."

"Do you take any street drugs?" I hesitated a few seconds. Long  enough
that Charlie took my non-response as a yes.

"What kind do you use?" I wasn't mad at him for assuming anything,  after
all he was right. I had to chuckle in spite of  myself.

"What makes you think I do drugs, what just because I  didn't answer the
question right away?"

"I'll just say this when people hesitate like you just did it usually
means that they do and they just aren't sure how to answer the question. They
hesitate mostly because they realize the doctor might give them something
that  wouldn't mix the wrong way with whatever they've taken. How am I
doing? Do I  sound about right?"

"Okay you're right I smoke pot and sometimes and only sometimes I'll  do
some cocaine but that's it. But coke I only do maybe every two or three
months or so. But pot I smoke a few times a week."

"That's okay between you and I most people I talk to are about the  same
as you, at least those around your age range." It made me laugh listening
to hear what Charlie had to tell me, he made it sound like some big dark
secret.  I really took a liking to Charlie he had been nice to me and put me at
ease and  made sure I was comfortable. I like the way he carried himself.
Just like Steve  he was sure of himself and it showed.

"Were you high when you were driving?"

"No. No I wasn't I wish I had been the accident might not have  happened
if I had been. No I wasn't high I was just too upset to think or focus
straight. I was out of control of myself. My boyfri..I meant to say that I just
wasn't in the right frame of mind to be driving." Charlie just gave me
this look  I couldn't explain it but he just looked at me kind of funny. If I
wasn't so  mellowed out by the morphine I might have realized he was gay to.
I thought at  that point that I'm sure he's heard and seen a lot of things
being a paramedic.  And I wasn't ashamed or embarrassed like I use to be but
for some reason I just  didn't want to blurt out that I was gay. I just
felt like it wasn't the time or  place I don't know why.

"Okay back to the twenty one questions I started. Any other illnesses  or
diseases the doctors need to know about?"

"I recently had a brain tumor removed from my brain and had radiation
treatments but Dr. Grisales already knows all this about me. Hence the nice
hair  style that I'm sporting these days!" I made a joke out of it in order to
keep  the conversation on the light side and hopefully keep it moving.

"What's the outlook at this point in your treatments Mike?" This was  the
question I hated answering to anyone who asked. Because I always ended up
using the word cancer in my explanation and I could almost predict their
response.

"It's better than it was but I'm not out of the woods totally,  however I'
ll keep fighting it as long as I have to so that I can out live the
prediction they gave me." I waited to hear how sorry he was, how it's so awful
you have to go through this, or how I know you'll win this you're such a
fighter, blah blah blah.

"Glad to hear you have such a good outlook about it. Most people  don't."
That wasn't the response I usually get. It's the kind of response I got
about one percent of the time. From his answer I took an even stronger liking
to  him. I think mostly because I didn't hear how sorry he was come out of
his  mouth. I always wondered why should any one feel like they need to say
sorry to  me, just because what. What are they sorry for they didn't give it
to me? Why do  people feel the need to say it? I realize they feel bad I
guess they just don't  know what to say to me. So for lack of anything else I'
m sorry is all that's  left for them to say. Don't get me wrong I still
appreciate their  thoughtfulness. Charlie just gave me a better answer than
most.

"Are there any other health concerns I need to be aware of?"

"What? Like that's not enough for one person, it really is don't you
think!" I said it jokingly I wanted to get him to laugh and he did. It also
gave  me the chance to see he had the cutest dimples how cute is that?

"That's all the medical questions I need, I have some paper work that
when possible we try and get it started on the way to the hospital as long as
the patient is well enough and can handle it, do you want me to go on or
stop?"

"You can go on Charlie I know we'll be there in a few more minutes
anyway. I'm doing okay the pain is really under control thanks to the morphine.
But tell you what I'll take that other shot before we get in there since the
doc  said it was okay. Once I get in there they might make me wait because
of tests.  This way they can't do anything about it. Charlie smiled and got
the syringe  ready and slipped a little more into the IV. I hoped I would be
able to function  by the time they got busy with me. But I was damned if I
was going to hurt right  now if it wasn't necessary.

"Okay man, shoot ask me whatever."

"Next of kin to notify in case of emergency?" I had to stop and  think, a
few hours ago I would have said Steve but I couldn't this time I had  ended
that one. I slammed on the brakes hard over that relationship. There would
be no more Steve. Yea no more Stephen Alan Craigen in my life. The cause of
my  breaking heart. The cause of my accident. The cause of wanting me to
die rather  than go on. I looked at Charlie and wanted to tell him that he
could call my  sister she would handle any medical emergency better than my
mother. She could  be the one to call my mother and tell her any bad news that
might need to be  conveyed. The only thing that came out of me was a river
of tears and I couldn't  make them stop. The heartbreak was in full control
of me. I hid my face with my  one good arm placed across the front of my
face. I didn't want him to think I  was some kind of weakling. Charlie handed me
some Kleenex to wipe my eyes and  blow my nose. I felt like a jerk what
else was new?

"Do you feel better Mike?" I blew my nose and finally got myself  under
control.

"Sorry about that, it's still new to me and I haven't been able to
control myself yet when the thoughts of him come up."

"You don't have to apologize to me Mike. I'm sorry that you're going
through this no one should treat you that way."

"You're right I shouldn't have to go through this, not with anyone
especially him!" Charlie just looked at me and smiled and went back to looking
at his board of questions.

"Who's the person you want to be notified in case of  emergency?"

"My sister Cindy Marie Kennedy, her phone number 789-8765."

"Anyone else you want notified?"

"No, she'll know who to contact from that point."

"What's your martial status? Single, divorced, widowed?"

"Single, very fucking single."

"What's your religion?"

"Lutheran."

"That covers all the basics I'll let the hospital get the rest,  they'll
go into more with you. But we aren't going to have the time to get to
anymore. We'll be pulling into the hospital any second. I could feel the
ambulance come to a stop and then it be put into reverse."

"In case I don't have the chance or time once we get into the ER I  want
to thank you and Cory for all you've done for me. You've been very kind to
me the entire time. I appreciate your thoughtfulness and care that you
showed  me. I will always be grateful to you both. Cory opened the doors of the
ambulance and started pulling the gurney out, Charlie jumped out while I
was  still halfway out and he caught the end of the gurney and they popped the
wheels  down so they could wheel me in. I saw Dr. Grisales as we turned the
corner. The  paramedics followed the doctor down the hall and to the room
he wanted me in.  Cory and Charlie moved me from one gurney to another and
made sure I was settled  in while they translated what Dr. Grisales needed to
know. They both said  goodbye to the doctor and then to me, they were out
the door never to be seen  again. Oh well I thought to myself guess I'll never
know anything more about  Charlie. I wish that we'd have had more time to
get to know one another. He  really seemed like a nice guy. Such is life,
back to believing that there are no  accidents for guys like me. I tried to
remind myself that I still had a very  long life to live ahead of me and
Charlie just wasn't going to be a part of it.  I tried to convince myself that
someday there would be someone else. Someday  perhaps, for now it was a long
time away. I needed time to get over Steve. I  didn't need anyone else in my
life and just like it was before Steve came into  my life. I could survive
without anyone in it now.

I was thinking that I was single again lucky old me single again. The  sad
part was that time with Steve made me realize how much I didn't want to be
alone anymore. If I didn't beat the cancer I didn't want to die alone with
no  one there to hold my hand in the end. Yes I knew my family would be
there for me  but that wasn't what I wanted. I wanted a man to be by my side in
the end. I  wanted to have known love before I died. I just wanted to be
able to know what  it was like to have really loved someone, to have shared my
life with him. Dr.  Grisales brought me out of my thoughts. He told me that
since I had just been  released from the hospital that they were going to
proceed cautiously. They'd be  doing X-Rays to get me started and of course
drawing blood. Once those things  were done I'd be doing my favorite MRI fun
time thing. He just wanted to make  sure no damage had been done to the
inside of my brain during the course of the  accident. I didn't blame him so did
I. They had known that I had hit the  windshield pretty hard. Dr. Grisales
was concerned of there being any tearing or  anything else going on inside
my brain with this happening so soon after the  surgery. What else could I do
except lay there and let them do their thing? How  else were they going to
put me back together unless they did all these tests?  Dr. Grisales and I
talked a few more minutes after he finished detailing all  that would take
place in the next couple of hours. He knew they would be working  on my leg in
surgery even without an X-Ray you could tell by just looking at it  that it
was broken and would require surgery. He walked out the door. A few  seconds
later he poked his head around the curtain.

"Hey Mike just to let you know I put a call into Steve to let him  know
that you had been in an accident. He told me he'd be down soon. I told the
nurses to let him in to your room." He waved his hand as he left. The last
fucking person I wanted to see. Had I not told Charlie that in case of
emergency  that my sister was to be notified? Maybe in the state I was in when he
asked me  I told him Steve but I was almost one hundred percent sure that I
had named my  sister to be notified. I didn't want to see him especially here
of all places I  did not want to see Steve. I couldn't help but start to
cry again. The orderly  came to get me about fifteen minutes after the doctor
told me about Steve. I  thought it would be good to get away from the ER.

Steve would have to wait before he could get in to see me. At least I  had
some time before I had to face him. I was hoping there wasn't going to be a
scene, not in the hospital. I'd rather have it out with him at what use to
be  our home anywhere but not here it just wasn't the right place. Sooner
than I  wanted the X-Rays and the MRI were complete. I had to return to the
ER. About  halfway there I asked the orderly to stop. I wanted him to find
out if Steve was  there or not. I really didn't want to see him I needed more
time before I could  face him and talk to him logically and rationally. It
took him almost five  minutes to go find out if Steve had been there yet, if
he had, did they know  where he was. No one seemed to know if he was there
or had been there or what  the story actually was regarding his whereabouts.
He finally told me it was time  to return to my room.  Waiting was the name
of the game now and  unfortunately I knew it meant that Steve was going to
show up and I was going to  have to face him. Whether I liked it or not.

I was back in my room about five minutes laying there trying to relax
waiting for all the tests to come back in and waiting for a surgical team to be
called and put together so that they could operate on my leg. Fortunately
the  morphine was allowing me to drift in and out of consciousness. I was
glad that  Dr. Grisales didn't mind dispensing pain medication when it was
necessary. He  was of the school that there were pain meds in the hospital for
a reason and  when you were in pain you should get enough of a pain killer
to make sure that  you weren't. Don't get me wrong once you left the
hospital it was another story,  he wanted you to get better without the use of pain
meds. He only handed them  out sparingly.

I'm not sure what brought me to my senses but something woke me and  he
was standing there just looking at me. He knew I was awake I couldn't pretend
that I wasn't. I wasn't going to talk to him I was to mad at him. I closed
my  eyes again anyway. Maybe I wasn't asleep but I didn't have to
acknowledge him if  I didn't want to.

` "Are you awake Mike?" I just laid there I didn't move a muscle I  just
continued to lay there silently.

"Come on Mike I know you're awake I can tell that you're not  sleeping."
I didn't give a shit if he could or couldn't tell I was awake or  asleep.
I just cared that he leaves the room as soon as possible I guess that  meant
I needed to talk to him, to acknowledge his presence.

"Okay I'm awake, and so now you know I'm awake. What does that mean  to
you exactly?" By now I was looking directly into his eyes.

"What exactly do you fucking want from me Steve? To be forgiven? I  was
shouting loud enough that I'm sure the entire ER was listening and I  couldn'
t care less at that moment I really didn't care who heard what or who  knew
what about me and him. I wanted to hurt him and so yelling this out and
making it public knowledge wouldn't make him happy I knew that much at  least.

"Perhaps you're just pretending that you want something. God knows  what?
I sure as hell don't know what you want."  He was motioning for  me to be
quiet and motioning with his hands to keep it calm. It was the last  thing
I felt like doing.

"I just want to talk to you to get this straightened out. I just  don't
want you to hate me. I've hurt you and I'm sorry and that isn't enough, I
know that. It will never be enough. Randy doesn't mean anything, never did
and  never will. So I won't be running back into the arms of Randy. I won't
be  running back to anyone. If we aren't together neither of us will have
anyone."

"Whose fault is that exactly just whose fault is it that we don't  have
anyone? It sure as hell isn't mine. That's for shit sure Steve. You make me
fucking sick just to look at you. My stomach is rolling over while we speak"
He  kept trying to get me to be quiet to not yell or scream. He didn't
want anyone  to hear this that's for sure.

"And since you fucked every thing up I was driving and I shouldn't  have
been, but I had to get away from you. I couldn't stand the sight of you
when I left. I'm finding that I still can't your time is growing shorter the
longer you stand here. I really think it's better if you leave here. I'll
face  this battle on my own I'll make it on my own terms. But next time I won'
t be so  trusting the next man I meet I'll run him through the wringer
before anything  happens between us because nothing will until such time that he
can prove to me  that he's one hundred and ten percent trustworthy." Steve
just stood there  looking at me with both hands in his pocket neither one
of us were saying  anything.

"Will you let me tell you what happened, how we got together and why  it
doesn't mean anything? I realize I got played and Randy was the one that
played me. I know I could have said no I know I could have stopped it. The
mistake I made was that I even talked to him in the first place. I let him get
close to me and when he did he started getting me hot and bothered and I
just  caved in I let my dick do the thinking Mike not my head. I know that does
n't  make it okay that it doesn't change anything I just want you to know
that all he  did was give me a blow job nothing else happened no one fucked
anyone. And I  didn't give him a blowjob either if you want to think that.
He had me going and  I was almost ready to cum and I realized the mistake I
was making and I pushed  him away and I left I ran out of the room. I swear
that's all that happened  Mike." He had said most of what he had to say just
above a whisper trying to  hide what he was saying to not be heard and I
wasn't giving a fuck what people  heard I was out to hurt him just like he
hurt me I wanted people that were  listening to know what a fuck wad he was.

"And so now I know it was just half a blow job well gee that makes it  so
much easier for me to handle. Do you really think that makes a difference to
me? Do you think I'm going to reconsider? Get the fuck out Steve....LEAVE
and  don't come back I don't want anything from you. When I get out of here I
'll be  moving out. I'll be moving back to my parent's house. The last
place on earth I  want to move but thanks to you I have no other options. You
do what you want  with the townhouse I could give a fuck you cock sucking
fucking prick!" I was so  mad I was shaking and it was making the pain get
worse in my leg and arm I  buzzed for the nurse and asked for more pain
medication. All I wanted was to go  to sleep. I didn't want to feel anything
anymore. I wanted whatever I could get  to make me numb. I wasn't looking at him
and I was done talking to him. I had  nothing to say to him anymore. I wouldn'
t ever let him hurt me again he and I  were done there was no going back.

"Mike?" I just kept my eyes shut and didn't move.

"Michael Please." I wanted to roll over so I wouldn't have to face  him
but I couldn't I couldn't move my leg in order to turn away from him.

"Please Michael Please talk to me." I raised my left arm slightly and
stuck up my middle finger at him.

"I won't stop loving you Michael. I can't, even if you say you don't
love me I still love you with all my heart. Perhaps in a few weeks you won't
be  so mad and you'll let me at least talk to you." I just wanted to ignore
him but  reality is what it is and I knew I loved him still with all my
heart I still  loved him. You can't just turn off loving someone just because
they did  something to you that breaks your heart. Even if they lied to you,
love just  doesn't get turned off like a light switch. But I bit my tongue
hard because I  wasn't going to say anything to him. If I opened my mouth now
the only thing  that would come out would be the words, I Love You. I just
kept my eyes shut  there was no way I was going to open my eyes. If he was
still there I would let  him stay I wouldn't throw him out of my life and I
knew it. I just had to keep  my eyes shut. The next thing I was aware of was
the nurse standing next to me. I  turned my head to see her pushing the
syringe into the IV tubing. I was afraid  to look towards the end of the bed I
was afraid to see if he was still standing  there. I had stopped trembling at
least. I was thankful of the nurse standing  there if he was still there I
could have him thrown out. I looked up and  whispered to the nurse.

"Can you just tell me is there anyone still here in this room besides  you
and I?" She patted my arm.

"No Mike he's gone he left here crying if you're wondering. I'm sorry
but most of us heard the fight. You did the right thing as far as I'm
concerned.  They're some others out there that don't agree with me but that's only
because  they have small minds. Now I need you to rest I got word a few
minutes ago that  the surgical team is in and they'll be coming to get you real
soon. Besides the  pain medication I just gave you I have you some Valium
in that syringe that will  help you relax for when you go upstairs. That way
you won't be so nervous. I  think that between the two you'll probably be
asleep when they wheel you up to  surgery. I'm leaving so just close your
eyes and don't think about him anymore.  I'll make sure that he doesn't come
back in here so don't worry about that. Go  to surgery with a cool and
relaxed head. And good luck in your recovery and with  the recovery of your heart
as well."

"Thank you very much that was kind of you to say that to me, you've  made
me feel better already. I'll be fine after surgery I'll be okay." I'm not
sure if I was trying to convince her of that or myself. But I did know
that I  was moving home after this I didn't want to but I didn't see any other
options  at this point in time. Unfortunately I was going to have to move
back. I  wouldn't be able to work regardless of how I was feeling from the
cancer. I  probably could have gone back to work within a week or two after
this last round  of treatments but I won't be able to work with this leg and
arm in casts. I was  screwed my whole world had changed all because of a
fucking blowjob. Boy I was  starting to really feel the medications she gave me,
pretty soon I was going to  be asleep that's for sure. I decided to just
close my eyes and tried not to  worry about anything what was the point? In a
few more minutes I'd be out like a  light anyway.

I woke up groggy and warm. I certainly recognized this place. I was  in
the recovery room and the surgery was over I had to look down and see how far
the case went down my leg. I tried to prop myself up but I had just enough
strength in me to barely lift my head. I buzzed for the nurse.

"Ah a happy customer returning so soon Mr. Mathews?" My friend the  head
nurse the one I had to stay awake ten minutes for before she'd send me to a
room somewhere in the hospital. But she was pleasant and it was nice to see
her  smiling face in spite of the situation I was in.

"Hello and yes I know the rules but can I raise myself up I want to  see
how big the cast is on my leg. At least the one on the arm is manageable. I
thought it would be more than this."

"Well you've been good so far and haven't been yelling for anything  to
drink I suppose I can help raise you up and let you take a peek, but its not
that bad really it could be worse, not by much I grant you but it could be."
She  was smiling the whole time she talked to me and she was raising the
bed. I  looked down towards the end of my bed with my eyes half shut I was
still leery  of what I was going to find. I looked to see what certainly was
going to be a  pain in my ass cast.

"Holy Shit did they have to make it that long?" I didn't mean to  swear
there was no reason really. I was just taken by surprise at how big it  was.
It ran from just above my toes to half way between my knee and my crotch.
Actually it was closer to my crotch than my knee.

"I'm sorry Janet I didn't mean to swear I was just surprised by the
length of the cast. I didn't think it would be that long."

"Mike you broke your leg in two places you're lucky that's all you  got,
but you'll fine and I know compared to what you've been through this will
be a cakewalk in the park for you."

"I'll tell you what Janet I'll go home and come to work for you and  you
can take that cakewalk in the park for me, how's that sound?"

"Sorry but I'm not the one that broke their leg!" I had to laugh at  her
at least she made me smile. I knew the routine that I had to stay awake I
wasn't sure if I was ready to stay awake just yet.

"I think Janet you can lower the bed I'm not ready for the ten minute
test yet."

"I'm pretty sure you're not either Mike!" Janet lowered my bed back
down and asked me if I needed a drink of water just to tease me.

"Will you make that a double?" I put my head on my pillow and closed  my
eyes. The anesthesia was still not out of my system completely it took
another two hours to pass Janet's ten minute stay awake test. And soon after I
was transferred to a room to be all by myself again. I was beginning to
think  that Dr. Grisales made sure every time I had a room I was by myself. But
this  time I was glad I wanted it that way. I wasn't there long enjoying my
peace and  quiet before I had my first visitors, my mother and father had
arrived. My  mother approached on one side and my father the other both wanted
to hug me. I  grabbed my mother first and then I grabbed my father.

"Steve called to tell us you're here but he didn't go into details he
just said you had been in an accident and that they were taking you to surgery
and then he figured out about when you would be out of surgery and into a
room.  What happened? How did you get into this accident? Who's fault was it?
" Always  wanting to get to the bottom of things my father never quit.

"Well it was probably my fault to begin with I think I ran the red  light
I wasn't paying attention like I should have been. So yea Dad it was
probably my fault.

"What were you doing that you weren't paying attention to the red  light?"

"Dad it doesn't matter I just wasn't that's the bottom line. Let's  just
talk about something else for now. I don't want to talk about how or why I
was in the accident okay?" I wasn't mad but if I didn't bit my tongue I'd
say  something I might regret later. I could tell by the look on my mother'
s face  that she had an idea what the reason was but she didn't say anything
or push the  issue. Which is why I felt she had an idea what the reason was
for not paying  attention.

"Let it go for now you two. What did the doctor say about where they  did
the surgery on your head? Was there any damage there or do they for see any
problems because of this accident?"

"No Mom everything is fine with that Dr. Grisales was called from the
accident I told them to let him know I was coming in, so he was in on this from
the minute they brought me in here. So don't worry about that okay?" I
could see  the wheels still turning in my fathers head, he still wanted to
know what was  distracting enough to not pay attention to a red light and
traffic. It's just  how my father was always digging to get to the bottom of
things. I had to change  the subject. I guess moving home would do it but that
would bring the one  subject up that I didn't want to talk about, Steve. I
wasn't sure what in the  hell I was going to do. For now I just didn't want
to talk about the accident or  Steve. I laid there and just closed my eyes
trying to think of how I was going  to do this. Where else could I possibly go
to live? My father didn't seem to  mind that my eyes were closed and I wasn'
t talking, he was still chewing the fat  over the accident I could tell by
his pacing back and forth from the window to  the bed.

"I'm going to ask you something Michael and its all right to tell me  the
truth." He's put two and two together and now he's just looking for
confirmation on his theory. I knew he couldn't leave it alone.

"I take it you and Steve had a fight before the accident?" How did he
know that? Steve didn't say anything when he called them or he'd already know
that answer. I wonder why Steve didn't say anything because he knows whose
fault  it was he knows he was the reason for the accident and he's feeling
guilty  serves him right. But it left me sitting here with my father waiting
for an  answer. And he wasn't being mean I know he just wanted to know what
was going  on. He wanted to understand the cause of me being hurt. I couldn'
t keep laying  here and not saying anything I had to talk to him and tell
him something. I just  wasn't sure what that was. My mother was the one that
broke the silence.

"Let's not worry about that right now dear, if they did and Michael
wants us to know he'll tell us what's going on between them I'm sure." Guilt,
she knew how to use it so well when we were growing up as kids. Without
touching  you or yelling at you or threatening you she would use guilt on you
to get to  the truth. It was just the way she said it and how she emphasized
certain words.  And here she is again pulling out the old I can make you
feel so guilty if you  don't tell me what it is I need to know. She was good,
so smooth and she never  lifted a finger or her voice. I hated myself at that
particular moment. I was  going to tell them and I knew it.

"Yes we did we had a fight and I was upset and the rest is history.  Now I'
m here and you know why." I felt like shit because saying it out loud to
them did nothing except make me want to cry. And I did not want to cry in
front  of him it just made me feel like a piece of shit for crying. I knew how
much he  despised me doing it. I was trying with everything I had in me not
to let the  waterworks start. And the last thing I wanted was to talk about
it. I just knew  he wasn't going to leave it alone I knew I had to head him
off before he started  doing the talking.

"Have you called Cindy and told her I was here yet?' I directed it at  my
mother trying to focus on her and in hopes she'd kept the conversation
flowing in that direction.

"No I haven't called anyone because I wanted to get the facts before  I
called anyone and tried to tell them anything. But I can do that when I get
home since you're really okay. Mostly it's just your left leg and right arm
that  are the problems. What are you going to do when you get out of here?
Do you want  to come home? I've got a lot of time built up at work so I
could take time off  to help you with getting around and making sure you get fed
and just anything  else."

"So what happened Michael what were you two fighting about that got  you
that upset?" I knew he wasn't going to leave it alone and now my mother had
asked me if I wanted to move home. Without the words being spoken it
implied  that my father wanted to know the whole story. Before I moved back into
the  house. But I wasn't ready to tell him the story yet.

"Dad I'm sorry but for right now I don't want to talk about this it's
that simple. Yes I do want to move home for now. Hopefully it won't be for
long  I like my independence and living at home has rules I don't like living
by and I  don't mean to be disrespectful to you or Mom but I can't live by
your rules and  I like being on my own. It's just that I've been on my own
long enough that its  going to be hard for me to have to live by your rules
now that's all Dad.

"To be honest you're old enough to know what's right and wrong. I  just
ask that while you're living at home you do that. Don't worry about any of
the "rules" As you call them." I was surprised to say the least at him
saying  not to worry about his rules he ran a tight ship when we were growing
up.

"I can do that but what if I invite a guy over? Are you  going to be able
to handle that?"

"Does that mean that the fight you had with Steve was over the fact  that
you and him aren't together anymore?" Shit, I set that up for him perfectly
now I had to deal with this and I didn't want to, not now.

"Dad I don't want to talk about Steve right now, okay? It's over does
that answer your question?"

"Michael I'm not trying to pry I just am trying to make sure you're
okay, and if and when you want to talk about Steve and what happened then I'll
be there to listen if you don't want to talk about it then we won't it's up
to  you." He would be willing to talk to me about Steve's and my
relationship, wow  that was a big step for him.

"Thanks Dad maybe at some point I might but not now." I felt better  it
was out on the table they at least knew that something had happened and that
Steve and I were done and I was moving home. The last place on earth I
wanted to  be but I had no other choices and maybe it wouldn't be so bad living
at home  again. At least I knew the rent would be cheap, I'd be paying less
than I was at  the townhouse. The few days that I spent in the hospital went
by pretty quick  and I was looking forward to being discharged. My day of
freedom came and I was  excited to get dressed and be out of my second home I
felt like I had lived here  more in the last five weeks than any place else.

My parents were being really good about me coming to live there again  and
to my surprise my mother decided not to take off work nor stay here and
take  care of me. Instead they were going to place an ad in the paper for
someone with  a medical back ground to come in on a daily basis to help me with
my current  needs. I agreed to the setup as long as I had final say in who
they hired, they  agreed to let me handle the whole interview and hiring
process I was excited at  the thought of being the one to handle it. My mother of
course stayed home while  I went through the process of trying to find
someone. Honestly I could get  around most of the times as awkward as it was but
there was no way I could stay  home all day by myself, especially if I
fell. And my biggest problem was the  bathroom and trying to sit on the john
with the cast the way it was and the  setup of our bathroom it wasn't an easy
task. I would be able to take showers  thanks to the setup of our shower
stall. As long as the casts were wrapped up  and there was a stool in the shower
I could do it myself. I just needed help  getting in and out. My parents
and myself were just worried about the water on  the tile and the possibility
of me going face down if the crutches slide out  from under me. Not being
able to walk on the cast presented the biggest  challenges and that was really
the reason I needed the help. Being alone for an  hour or so wasn't so bad
but I couldn't go longer than that.

The ad was placed and within a few days there was a stampede of
applicants looking to be hired. I didn't mind handling weeding people out to be
hired. Since I was the one that was going to be spending nine to ten hours a day
with this person. So the process began of talking to everyone. It went
easier  than I thought but I wasn't finding anyone that I seem to hit it off
with. I  thought there had to be at least some kind of chemistry between us
before I  hired them. Keeping that in mind I kept talking to people. After
fifteen there  were two that were good possibilities but I wasn't totally
comfortable with  either one. I began to think that I was just being too picky
trying to find  someone. My mother kept reassuring me that I would find
someone and just to keep  looking but I wasn't getting to many more applicants I
was beginning to think  that maybe I should just pick one of the two that I
had already chosen, if they  didn't work out I could call the next one on the
list. It sounded like a good  idea to me. I called the one I thought was
the better of the two. It ended  quickly after the third day, I felt like I
was in a prison camp and taking  orders from the warden. How can I have been
so blind on this one? I was  beginning to doubt my abilities to interview and
read people. Maybe it would  have been better if my parents had done this
and picked the person out. So I  called the second on the list. Maybe it was
just me and I was looking at the  wrong people either that or my ability to
judge people went out the door during  the accident. I went from the warden
from hell to being told that I could do it  by myself that I didn't really
need the help like I thought. He kept telling me  that I had to learn to do
these things on my own because what if no one was  around to help me. Wasn't
that the reason I hired him? Since there wasn't anyone  else on the list
that I really liked I was getting desperate I didn't want my  mother here every
day and she was beginning to think that just maybe she should  stay home
with me. But she surprised me one day after coming home from work and  she
told me that one of the ladies she works with has someone who is out of work
and is interested in doing this. He would be there in the morning to talk to
me.  I figured what did I have to lose it couldn't be any worse than what I'
ve  already been through. Figures the morning rolls around that I'm
supposed to meet  him and I feel like crap and don't want to get out of bed. I
asked my mother to  talk to him and if she likes him tell him if he can start
today he's hired.  About forty-five minutes later I hear my mother and who
ever it is walking  towards my bedroom. Oh great he's going to start today I
heard him say that  much. That was my one absolute stipulation whoever got
hired it had to be a guy  I didn't want some sixty year old grandmother type
taking care of me. I just  felt like it I would feel a little more comfortable
if it was a guy.

"Michael I have your care taker here, he's agreed to start in two  hours
he has something to do and then he'll be back. Are you going to get up?
Come on at least say hello to him."

"Hello, later Mom I'm trying to sleep a little and I just got rolled
over and comfortable. I don't want to get up just yet, I still don't feel that
good. I don't mean to be rude it's just that it's a bitch to roll over
with this  cast on."

"Language Michael please."

"Oh Mom bitch isn't that bad of a word." I heard him laugh a little,
whomever it was I knew based on that fact alone that we would hit it off. At
least I was hoping we would otherwise I was just going to let my mother do
the  job. Eating nails and sandpaper would have been better than letting her
take  care of me for all those weeks. I then realized that no matter what I
was going  to like this guy even if it killed me I was going to like him.
Soon enough he  was back as promised.

"Michael its time to get out of bed and move a little you've been in  bed
long enough. I'll leave you with him he's not usually like this he's just
complaining today that he doesn't feel well. I think he's just being lazy
and  doesn't want to get out of bed."

"Don't worry Mrs. Mathews I'll take care of him and get him moving I  don'
t like my patients laying around all day!" Oh great another warden on my
hands, well it's either him or my Mom, okay I like him, I like him, I like
him.  I decided to roll over and meet the new warden.

"CHARLIE!"

"Hi Mike I thought that was you laying there when I first came in,  but
since you were covered up so much I wasn't sure. I was wondering how you  made
out that night after Cory and I left you in the ER."

"Oh man am I glad to see you.  Mom Charlie was one of the  paramedics that
took care of me the night of the accident.  Oh man Charlie  I've already
gone through two people trying to find someone that would take this  job and
that I would get along with. As long as you don't play warden we'll be  all
set. I just need some help with a few things. Its just little things that I
need help with. Man am I glad to see its you. I was worried, this morning I
was  forcing myself to like whoever walked in the door, as long as I didn't
have to  put up with my mother for the next eight to twelve weeks." My
mother waved her  arms at me and turned to leave us.

"Good by Michael I'll see you later tonight I'm off to work. I'm glad
you found someone to help you that you seem to like."

"Bye Mom."

"First things first, I'm not the warden type number one. I'll help  you
with whatever you feel you need help with. I'll make sure you're fed and
have something to drink. Does that pretty much sound like what you're looking
for?"

"Yes that's all I require really but how come you're doing this don't
you have your job being a paramedic?" I was glad to see a face that I kind of
knew. At least in the sense of how he'd take care of me. I knew from the
way he  treated me the night of the accident that he'd be okay to take care
of me now.  He had an easy way of talking to people that's for sure. He
seemed like he cared  about people and he cared about what he was doing.

"Well the township had to make some cuts in the police and fire
department. Since I was low man on the totem pole I was the first in the fire
department to go."

"That's to bad Charlie, did they let you know if they would take you
back?"

"That's going to depend on how they work the budget for the township
next spring. They'll take me back if the fire department gets the funding to
afford me." I felt bad for him he really was a nice guy, but I realized how
the  budgets work in government. Charlie was a few years older than me I
figured  maybe twenty eight to thirty years old. He wasn't what I would call a
hunk but  he still wasn't ugly either. He had jet-black hair and emerald
green eyes. That  bright green emerald. And he was hairy with dark hair and his
arms were thick  with it. I was sure if he was without a shirt he'd have a
hairy chest and  stomach. I had no doubt that he had a girl or perhaps a guy
after him.

"I hope its not to long and they call you back. You did a great job  that
night you and Cory took care of me. I really appreciated it believe me
after what I'd been through prior to the accident the hospital was the last
place I wanted to be."

"Why's that? If you don't mind me asking."

"Remember I told you I had been diagnosed with cancer. They found a  tumor
in my brain, then they had to take it out which they did and then they put
me through chemotherapy. A few weeks later they decided I still needed
radiation  treatment. Which made me lose twenty-seven pounds for some reason. So
I had to  stay longer in the hospital because they wanted me to gain some
of the weight  and strength that I had lost. So I did that and then I went
back to the  townhouse with my boyfr...." Why did I tell him that? I didn't
want to go in that  direction.

"I'm sorry I really didn't mean to say.."

"Mike you're fine I have no problem with the fact that you have a
boyfriend most of us don't say that when we first meet someone for the first
time. It takes guts to just say it like that." So he's gay well at least we
have  something in common now.

"I don't usually tell people that the first time I meet them. And I  don'
t have a boyfriend anymore. It's ironic that you end up here taking care of
me. The reason I was in the accident was because of him.

"Why? What happened, if you don't mind me asking: I didn't mind  Charlie
was just someone you felt comfortable with. I didn't feel like he was
prying. His questioning made it easy for me to open up with him.

"Steve and I had a fight, I found out he cheated on me and I was I  guess
you could say I was breaking up with him. I got so mad at him that I left
the house and I was furious I was hurt I was crying and he ran out of the
house  trying to stop me but I just took off and I was crying to hard and wasn'
t paying  attention to the lights and I ran the red light. And the next
thing I know is  you and Cory are there taking care of me and getting me out the
car. I don't  mean to ramble on about this."

"It's fine and you're not rambling. We're going to be spending a lot  of
time together I guess we're going to be doing some talking along the way.
Speaking of spending time together how about you get up off this bed and do
you  want to get dressed or do you take your shower now or later how you do
you run  your schedule? Because I'll do it which ever way you want it done."

"For now I just want to get up and throw on my sweat pants and  another
shirt or maybe a sweater. How's the weather today? Cold or warm?"

"Cold I suggest a sweater Mike."

"Sweater it is there's a blue sweater and pants to match right over
there next to my desk they're sitting on the hamper although they are clean,  I'
ll wear those." Charlie proceeded to swing my leg off of the bed and got me
in  a sitting position. I took off my t-shirt and Charlie noticed the
scraps on my  back from the accident.

"Nice job you did on your back was that all from the accident?"

"Yep, I have this cream I've got to put on it so everyday you get to  put
that on whatever it is it smells like shit to me I hate the stuff but my
mother says its doing a good job. I put it on after my shower, which I
usually  do that in the afternoon, it's my big project for the day. Mainly because
it's  so much work getting the bags on my casts and taping them up so they
don't get  wet."

"Yea I can imagine, can you handle the shower yourself or do I need  to
help you get it done?"

"I can do it myself I just need help getting in and out everything  else I
can do. My Dad set up a stool in the shower for me to sit on. So we just
have to worry about any water on the tile floor and the crutches sliding out
from under me." This was going to be awkward at shower time. I liked
Charlie not  that I wanted to go to bed with him. But when a guy has what I
consider to be a  better body than mine I just tend to be more self-conscious.
Charlie had a  better body. Charlie was about the right weight for his height.
At least from my  viewpoint he was.

"We'll handle that easy enough I'll just make sure the floor is dry
before you get in. Then you'll only need my help getting out if you need  it."

"Oh yes sir Charlie I'll need help getting out I have no intentions  of
landing on my ass in the shower I can hear Dr. Grisales now if he saw me in
the hospital again so soon after everything else I've been going through. He'
ll  begin to think I'm trying to kill myself." With my history as soon as
I said it  I realized I wouldn't be the first to try that. Cancer patients
are made aware  of the reality of those thoughts when first diagnosed
especially those whose  cancer probably won't let them survive. Doctors told me
straight out that if I  had those thoughts I was only being normal. And I did
have them in the very  beginning but I never once dwelt on them. I was hoping
Charlie didn't take what  I said the wrong way. I wanted to clarify the
thought anyway.

"Charlie I don't or haven't thought about killing myself, seriously
anyway. I just don't want you to get the wrong idea about me."

"You're good seriously Mike I had a feeling it wasn't something you'd
consider. You just don't come off like the type, your personality from what I'
ve  encountered up to this point is upbeat. You have what I call a survivor
mode and  to me that means no matter what you fight whatever battle or road
block that  comes your way you just keep on trucking. Am I right about you?
Is that how you  are?" I thought for a second how he was the second person
that told me I'm a  fighter. But I guess I really can't count the first
one. He was pretty much  lying to me I don't know if Randy had really meant it
or if it was just a line  of bullshit. And like a ton of bricks it hit me I
realized when Steve and Randy  did their supposed blowjob. When Steve didn't
call me back in the hospital and  he looked like shit when he came in to
see me. Maybe he wasn't lying about  walking away from Randy right in the
middle of things. That's why he looked like  shit he hadn't slept because he
felt guilty about it. Maybe just maybe he wasn't  lying about that part
anyway. No matter how you sliced it, he had still lied to  me.

"Hey Mike you in there?"

"Oh yeah sorry just had this revelation all of a sudden about  something.
What were we talking about? You asked me something I just don't  remember."

"I was telling you that I thought of you as a fighter not someone  that
would contemplate suicide. It was just an observation I made about you,
remember now?"

"Oh yeah, the fighter thing. It's funny you say that because I've  never
considered myself as a fighter. I'm a pacifist not matter the  situation."

"That's okay you're not a physical fighter I just mean you're a  fighter
when it comes to other issues in your life."

"You're right Charlie I do tend to fight the conflicts I'm confronted
with like the cancer and now this. But when it comes to physical confrontation
I'm chicken shit, I'm running the other way. Believe me I'm running.
There were  too many times growing up that I got beat up and it just made
matters worse for  me because I would run away instead of trying to fight back.
Which in the long  run made me an easy target for the guys that were out to
prove how tough and  mean they were in front of the girls and other guys. How
was if for you growing  up did you get beat up because people just thought
you were gay?"

"I only had two guys that continually picked on me just because they
thought I was to. They did it mostly because they were the class bullies I  wasn'
t the only one they picked on out of the crowd. Most of the class ignored
them just because they were bullies to lots of people. And luckily most of
the  kids didn't bother me they just left me alone I had a few friends that I
became  good friends with and I'm still friends with them today."

Charlie finally had me dressed and out of bed. We progressed through  the
day well. He made lunch and he had me set the table for us. He didn't think
I should be sitting down doing nothing for lunch so setting the table was
my  job. He put all the dishes on the table I had to put everything in its
place. He  helped me get up and down because that was my awkward time and the
easiest time  to fall on my face. Shower time was fast approaching and I
began to feel my over  self-conscious kick in to over drive. Why did this have
to happen to me? Why  couldn't it be just no big deal? Because I lacked
self-confidence I guess when  it came to the way I looked without clothes on.
Maybe I could push it off until  tomorrow. I'll just play like I'm not
feeling well, besides all I do is sit all  day its not like I get dirty doing
something. Yea right how lame am I going to  look playing like I'm not feeling
well he's not stupid and then I'll look like a  real idiot because he'll
look right by that little game. And the thought of him  having to wash me God
what if I do the unthinkable and pop a boner? I'll die of  embarrassment and
shame. Why did I tell him it was part of my daily ritual I  should have told
him that I take a shower every other day? Thank god I could  wash my own
crotch. He didn't have to touch that. But it had to beat my father  helping me
in the shower like he had been. God that was uncomfortable with him.  I'm
not sure who was more uncomfortable with it, him or I? Thank god that was
going to be over with no more father son bath time. The only thing that made
me  weirded out about the whole thing with him was that he felt he would just
take  his shower at the same time I was taking mine. That was fine when I
was four or  five but not now. So maybe it wasn't so bad with Charlie being
the one after  all.

"When did you let people know you were gay Charlie? If you don't mind  me
asking. And feel free to tell me it's none of my business any time I ask
you  something you feel I shouldn't."

"I don't mind you asking Mike. I told my parents when I was senior in
high school. My mother was okay with it she told me she knew all along anyway.
And I thought I was hiding it so well from her. My father didn't take it
so well  he still doesn't talk to me. He thinks gay people are nothing but
sexual  perverts and that they are out to molest small children and any other
men they  can get their hands on. I think he was afraid that I was going to
go after him  once I told them. So it hasn't been easy. He'll talk to me at
family functions  only if he absolutely must address me. But every time he
does it's like acid  coming out of his mouth."

"I'm sorry he feels that way towards you that must really hurt you."  I
thought of my own parents and realized how lucky I was they were handling my
sexuality they way they were.

"How about you when did you come out?" I wanted to laugh and cry at  the
same time when he asked me that question.

"I don't even know where to begin except to say it's been very  recent.
The first person was my brother, which turned out to be a mistake, and
someday when you and I are sitting here I'll tell you all the sorted details.
But everyone I know pretty much knows now. As for my parents they found out
right about the same time I found out that I had cancer. And so luckily for
me  that issue kind of pushed the gay issue on the back burner. So now they'
re  pretty good about it. Not a hundred percent but I'll take it the way it
is for  now." I felt so good telling Charlie I didn't mention Steve I didn't
see the  point.

"Wow, well now I just tell people that I feel comfortable with but I  don'
t advertise like some do, I'm sorry I just don't see the point in
screaming  out to the world I'm gay. And its not that I'm ashamed I'm not I just don
't feel  its necessary to go all postal letting people know something that
should be  personal in my book.

"I'm pretty close to feeling the same way Charlie I really am." From
that point on Charlie and I had a great time talking to each other. As
comfortable as I was the inevitable happened it was shower time and Charlie was
just moving things along to the point that I knew I wasn't getting out of it.
Perhaps he was sensing my apprehension.

"So Mike do you shave in the shower or not?"

"In the shower I always found it easier and I like standing in the  hot
steam those extra few minutes it takes me to shave."

"I'm the same way." I kind of laughed it was more of a nervous laugh
than a funny ha ha laugh. Charlie picked up on it right away.

"Don't be nervous about this Mike you have nothing to be nervous  about.
Just trust me okay believe me I've done this before for three other guys
and one woman. I've seen it all being a paramedic it'll be fine believe  me."

"I wish I could feel the way you do, its just things like this oh I  don'
t know how to say this I don't know why I'm just.." I was wringing my hands
and looking at them while I was searching trying to put my feelings into
words  without sounding stupid or worse even more self-conscious than I
already  was.

"Just tell me what it is Mike, I'm here to help you I can't if you  don'
t tell me."

"It's not you Charlie... it's me. I'm just... I don't know.. Shit this is
so aggravating and silly it's stupid it's really stupid." How could I tell
him  what was wrong, it was so immature I felt like I was back in junior
high the  first time I had to take a shower in gym class. On top of feeling
inadequate  about how I looked I just felt uncomfortable with the whole thing.
I have  showered in high school, in the military and yet here I was feeling
like I was  back at square one, I was getting angry with myself.

"Look at me Mike just for a second look at me in my eyes. Now just  relax
and let me help you with this. Now just let your body feel all loose, I  don'
t want you to think about anything. Think about just laying on the beach,
and the sun feels good on your skin you can hear the waves gently rolling in
as  they roll up on the sand and quietly fade in sound. Now take in a nice
deep  breath and slowly exhale." I just lost it, everything that I had been
holding in  and not talking about just let go and the tears were just
rolling down my  cheeks. I felt like an idiot. I couldn't stop. It went wrong when
he told me to  take that nice deep breath it was like Steve was standing
there. My guard was  down I wasn't expecting him to use that phrase. Charlie
came up by my side and  put his arm over my shoulder.

"Whatever it is Mike just let it go just let it all out. I'll just  stand
here with you until you're ready to stop. Let it all go until you don't
have anything left, you need this I think, you've been through a lot and I don
't  think you're dealing with all of it like you should be." And he stood
there for  what seemed like forever but I was finally spent there was
nothing left. Charlie  got a face cloth and made it hot and handed it to me to
wash my face.

"I don't know where that came from Charlie I don't know why I started
crying like that you had me feeling so relaxed and the last thing you said... I
know what started it but I don't know why it made me cry like that."

"You want to tell me? You don't have to if you don't want to Mike. I  don'
t want to push or pry into something that's not my business." I just
shrugged my shoulders and figured why not.

"The ex-boyfriend use to tell me to take a deep breath and breathe
whenever I was uptight about something. When you said it I don't know what
happened I just started crying and you know the rest.

"How long ago was it again was it the night of the accident?"

"Yea we had it out that night I found out he cheated on me and he  cheated
with a guy that use to torment and beat me up in high school he use to
make my life miserable. That's who he cheated on me with. I was furious that
night I couldn't see straight and I wasn't paying attention. I should have
never  been driving that night Charlie. I should have never been in my car."

"Have you talked to him since that night?"

"The  doctor called Steve from the hospital that night he didn't know what
had  happened and Steve showed up in the ER. I yelled some more at him and
told him  to get out. I told him that I was moving out and that I didn't
want anything to  do with him anymore. About two years of my life flushed down
the drain."

"That's to bad Mike I'm sorry to hear that after all you've been  though
I'm surprised you haven't broken down before this. I'm not a doctor but
lets look at it this way. One, you get diagnosed with cancer, two you go
through  all the surgery and the treatments, three you have a bad break from
someone you  obviously love and last you have the car accident, am I right so
far?"

"Yes that's about it."

"And all this happens in what about six to eight weeks?"

"Bingo, good on the second question."

"I'm going to suggest you talk to your doctor about all this you may
need something to help your nerves. He might even suggest you see someone; I'm
surprised he didn't or hasn`t at this point in time, but from your outward
appearance he might not realize how much this is really affecting you. You'
re  being brave and trying to hold it all together but we all have our
limits, maybe  you've reached yours, we all need help at some point Mike, no one
can do  everything especially after what you've been through."

"Maybe you're right Charlie, maybe you're right." I had to admit that
if nothing else I felt better than I had in a while I wasn't feeling as
stressed  as I had before the dam broke.

"Now that we have that under control lets tackle the shower that's  what
we started to do let's finish it okay?" Yeah that's what we started but I
still wasn't feeling good about doing it. I felt like an idiot maybe I wasn'
t  the adult I thought I was.

"Let's get you hobbling into the bathroom and start the process. I  know
in your condition it's always a process, so let's go Pal." Charlie got me
up off the couch and into the lion's den we went. I hated myself for feeling
like this. Maybe if I just blurt it out to Charlie I wouldn't feel so
stupid.

"Charlie I'll be honest I don't know why but I am so self conscious
about doing this I feel like an idiot even just telling you."

"What in the hell do you have to be self-conscious about Mike" I  almost
started laughing was he kidding me was he really serious?

"Look at me isn't it obvious?"

"No am I missing something? What the casts? The short hair? Am I  missing
something?"

"Do you have eyes Charlie? Or are you blind or something wrong with  your
eyesight?"

"No, none of those and yes I have eyes that work fine. So again I  repeat
myself what am I missing that you think I should be seeing?"

"Okay I get it I guess it's just me, it's just me!"

"Mike tell me why you feel this way I'm serious what short comings  are
you thinking you have that you should feel this self-conscious about and I
want them all in detail."

"My weight for one I mean look at me! I'm fat to begin with."

"And the problem here is what?" He was making me feel like an idiot  the
way he said his response. I was beginning to wonder should I even bother to
go on because he was going to be just as flippant with anything I probably
had  to say I realized he was trying to get me to see that what I thought
was a big  deal really wasn't it was easy for him to say he didn't even look
over  weight.

"Easy to say from a skinny guy."

"Yeah and you know what I think about me when you say your so skinny.  I
feel like I need to put some weight on. Who wants to make out with someone
whose hip bones stick out when he lays down?"

"You're not that skinny Charlie."

"Yes I am, my hips do stick out like that Mike, it's disgusting to  me."

"And I'd kill to have some weight on me. And believe me I've tried no
matter what I eat I don't gain weight and of every two or three pounds I gain
within a few days it's gone." I was beginning to see where he was going
with  this. He was trying to show me that we all have things about ourselves
we don't  like. I don't know if it was making me feel any less crappy about
myself.

"I see what you're saying Charlie but still there's things I  just.."

"Forget about it Mike you'll be fine you have nothing to worry about.
You and I  will get through the shower I'll help you and it will all be  good."
People with confidence why am I drawn to people who are that sure about
themselves?

Charlie was right and he got me into the shower and out without me
feeling uncomfortable with the whole situation. It was the first of many in the
weeks that passed with my recovery. We spent our days passing the time with
talking, playing cards, watching television and just enjoying hanging out
together. I learned a lot about Charlie and his life growing up and he
learned a  lot about mine.

He took me where ever I wanted to go which was only a few times  getting
in and out of the car tended to be a pain in the ass the only place I  could
sit comfortably was the back seat where I could stretch out with my leg
across the seat. I had my doctor appointments to check on the cancer and was
passing those with flying colors. I was happy to get the news every time. But
in  the back of my head I kept that seed of doubt alive and well. Anytime I
looked  at a calendar or measured time in some way I found myself thinking
is there any  real time for me left would I make it past that first year
anniversary of the  cancer being discovered?

And I thought about Steve a lot. I couldn't get him out of my head or  out
of my heart. Some days where better than others and nights were the worst
times. During the day I had Charlie to keep me and my mind occupied so it
was  easier to steer my mind clear of thinking about him to long. But at night
I had  the time to dwell right before bedtime was the worst. That's when I
had the time  to really think about how much I missed his touch, I missed
his kisses and I  craved to have him put his arms around me. He called several
times trying to get  me to talk to him I was able to hang up on him. I didn'
t want to talk to him and  I cried every time I did hang up that phone. I
kept telling myself how it was  going to get easier as time went by and I
repeated over and over that time heals  all wounds. And right after that I
would ask myself why did I still love him so  much why did I crave him so badly
still? Maybe if I talked to him I could finish  this off once and for all.
Perhaps I could finish it and just walk away with a  clear head and possibly
a heart that would mend.

Charlie and I were having fun spending our days together laughing and
joking and just killing time. As those days passed I began to grow fond of him
and I looked forward to Monday mornings and his arrival. I found myself
missing  him over the weekend. Due largely to my insecurities I wasn't sure if
Charlie  felt the same way or if he was just doing his job really well. And
I was stuck  wondering if I should say anything to him or not. And then I
think to myself  what if I don't have the time? What if the cancer comes back?
I had to think to  myself about that reality. If I knew the answer would I
ask him to go out on a  date with me? I should ask him in case I don't have
the luxury of time at least  I might have a chance of some fun and if I have
the time maybe it would work out  who knows. But if I just keep wondering
and asking myself these questions  nothing is going to happen and I'll never
know if I missed out on an opportunity  or not. I decided to ask him out on
a date for this Saturday coming up. This  would be interesting here I am
asking him on a date and I can't pick him up at  his place. I can't drive him
anywhere and any place we'd go he's going to have  to help me. What a date I
'll make I can see it now. I'll ask him would you go  out on a date with
me as long as you pick me up, you help me into your car, well  he could use
my car, that's one plus. So anyway after that I could ask him to  help me
into my car and oh yea would you mind driving? I'll pay wherever we go  and
then you can drop me off at my house and then drive yourself home. Oh yea,  I'm
a hot date prospect! So Charlie aren't you glad I asked you out after all?
The alternative is asking him to my house and have either my mother or
father  maybe prepare a lunch for us or a dinner. Just what I'd want my parents
doing,  being here while they make us a dinner or something. And I'm sure it
would  really make Charlie want to come over. If I still had Steve I wouldn'
t have to  be thinking about any of this. But I didn't have him. I had to
pick up the  pieces and move on. And it finally dawned on me how I could pull
this off. It  might be a little over the top for a first date but it would
eliminate all my  problems! And all I had to do now was get my balls up
enough to ask him. This  would be interesting to see if I would chicken out or
not. Why is this so  fucking hard for me? The worst that can happen is that
he says no. Yeah no and  then we have to see each other everyday until the
casts are off. Maybe I should  wait until then, that's another month at the
least, yep another month gone and  perhaps one more month less to live. It was
now or never. At some point tomorrow  I was going to grow those balls and
ask him. I haven't been this nervous since  oh shit I can't remember being
this nervous.

"Good morning Mike, I'm here to start your day as usual, you ready to
hit the old bricks and hobble out to the living room first or do you want to
take your shower first. What do you want to this fine glorious bright sunny
day?" I wondered if he was really this happy every day when he crawled out
of  bed or did he act like this just for me. I'm a morning person myself but
even  I'm not that spunky until I'm up for a little while.

"Do you crawl out of bed in this mood or does it take you like eight  or
nine cups of coffee to get you in this mood? It's either one of those or I
want some of the drugs you're on."

"Oh you're funny this morning this happens to be my usual self that
happens between crawling out of bed and my first cup of coffee. No drugs  honest!
"

"Then I want the coffee brand you're drinking Charlie."

"Come on you big brute lets get you moving this is your lame attempt  of
not getting out of bed and moving you don't con me I know what you're up to.
It's been long enough that I know when you're trying to delay the
inevitable.  You start out with questions just like you're doing now."

"That is so untrue well maybe its half true, it's just my bed feels
really good this morning and the blankets are calling my name honest  Charlie."

"I'm going to be calling your blankets in a minute, I've already let  you
stay in bed an extra forty-five minutes. I don't want you getting lazy on
me  and besides I'm bored sitting in the living room all by myself with
nothing to  do and no one to talk to." He was sounding so pathetic and sad while
he's  telling me all this.

"That's bullshit I know you, you take great pleasure in coming in  here
and torturing me and pushing me out of my warm comfortable bed."

"And if you don't get up I'm going to pull those sheets and blankets  off
of you in a minute."

"See what I did I just say? Did I not just say that you take great
delight in torturing me?" We were both laughing but it was how most of our
mornings started since Charlie had started coming to the house to take care of
me. It was just his way of getting me going in the morning especially those
days  he could tell I wasn't my usual self. It did help that we were both
morning  people. As I lay there and feigned sleeping I could hear Charlie
getting closer  to my bed I clutched the blankets as tightly as I could I knew he
was going to  uphold his promise. I was determined to make him struggle in
order to get the  blankets off of me. All was quiet for a few seconds and I
was beginning to  wonder what he was up to. I didn't want to look to see what
he was up to and  then I felt him sit on the bed close to my waist.

"Oh Mike remember what I said?"

"No I have short term memory loss."

"Well in that case since you can't remember I won't do what I said I  was
going to. Instead I think I'll stick my fingers into your side and begin to
see if I poke around what exactly would happen to you."

"Don't I promise I'll get up." That was the last thing I wanted was  for
him to start poking me in the sides. I couldn't fight him off the way I was
laying.

"But Mike I don't see you moving fast enough and for that one must be
taught a lesson." I grabbed the blanket to throw if off of me to show him I
was  going to get up. In the same instance Charlie began poking my side I was
laughing and trying to get untangled from the sheet due to my casts trying
and  trying to move to fast it just wasn't happening. He was being
victorious at the  moment.

"Stop Stop I give I'll get up I swear I'll get up."

"All right we won't have that again we will Mike."

"No, I swear but that wasn't fair if I didn't have these casts on you
would not have won that round I promise you that."

"Yea sure somehow I don't believe you I could keep you pinned down
anytime. I know your weak spots Mike."

"I request a rematch when the casts are removed." I had said it  joking
around with him. But somehow it made me feel encouraged to ask him about
going out.

"You're on Mike I'll take you up on that rematch  when the casts are off I'
ll show you how I can still whip your ass little  man."

"LITTLE MAN! Oh big talk from a guy that just beat a guy with two  casts
on. I will show no mercy on you when it comes time for that rematch. You
will regret the day you did this!"

"Yea, Yea, Yea, so what's it going to be the living room or the  shower
its t time to get your ass in gear Mike?"

"Fine lets get the shower out of the way first today, that way I  won't
have to do it later on. Yeah I know what difference does it make in my  busy
schedule?" Charlie got me up off the bed and I hobbled into the bathroom.
As I get ready Charlie did his shower ritual of making sure the floor was dry
in  the shower so I didn't have to worry about slipping on the water. I sat
down on  my stool and Charlie started wrapping my casts with the bags and
taped them up.  I sat down on my stool and lost the shorts I was wearing and
Charlie left me so  I could turn on the water and shave and then get myself
washed up and rinsed  off. Once I had that accomplished he'd come back into
the shower stall and get  me dried off and take the plastic off the casts
and then we'd get out and he'd  help me get dressed.

Having gotten a glimmer of hope when Charlie agreed to a rematch my  balls
got a little bigger to ask him out. I figured now was as good a time as
any. I felt like throwing up. I took a deep breath and slowly exhaled.

"Hey what are you doing this coming Saturday night?" I held my breath
and crossed my fingers and toes. I would have crossed my eyes but he would
have  seen me looking like I had gotten retarded all of a sudden. He would have
said  no just out of fear that there really was something wrong with me.

"Nothing just hanging out at home as far as I know why?"

"Um.. I was wondering if you're not opposed to it I'd like to ask you
out for a dinner date?" He just looked at me and I didn't know what to think
by  the reaction on his face. I just held my breath and  waited.

"Well okay, I`ll go."

"Don't sound so enthusiastic I don't want to force you and don't say
yes out of pity, geez."

"No it's not that. I'm just wondering if you want me to pick you up  or
how..."

"You let me take care of that, I'll pick you up don't worry about  that
okay?" He was looking at me like I was out of my mind.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"If you don't mind me asking but how in the hell are you going to  pick
me up?"

"You just let me worry about that I already have it figured out so  you don
't worry about anything. The only thing is that you'll have to do is help
me get around that night and oh yea cut up anything I can't on my plate,
just  like we do now."

"All right Mike we have a date on Saturday night." I was really  pumped
that he said yes to going out. I had something to look forward to and  plans
to make before then and I had to think of something to do after dinner. At
least he said yes and I had some thing to look forward to and occupy my
mind.  Perhaps this is what I needed to help me focus on something other than
Steve I  had to work on getting by him and on with my life with him out of it.
I just had  to set my sights on Saturday and plan the night with Charlie.
Which wasn't going  to be to easy since he's here all day with me. How was I
going to make phone  calls and make any arrangements? I believe I'll need
him to run an errand  somewhere along the line god knows what but I have to
think of something for him  to do.

"Hey you in there?"

"Sorry got lost in thought there for a second didn't mean to be rude  and
ignore you."

"Can I ask where you're taking me?"

"No you may not and in answer to your next question dress casual  nice.
Does that cover it?"

"Yes anything else you want to answer before I ask the  question?"

"No I'm good I turned off the crystal ball already due to the fact  that
I knew you had no more questions."

"Wow you are good I never knew."

"You have a lot to learn little one, be patient and I will teach you  the
way."

"Boy aren't you just full of yourself this morning I can't wait to  see
what lessons you have planned to teach me."

"Patience will be your first lesson little one." By now it was hard  to
say anything I couldn't say anything and keep a straight face. And so our day
continued on this light jovial mood carrying us until it was time for
Charlie to  leave. It had been a good day for me I hadn't had such a good day
like that one  since the accident. I was beginning to feel that maybe just
maybe things were on  the up swing for me. And maybe this was the first step in
putting Steve behind  me. I accomplished my plans for Saturday night with
help from my mother of all  people she was the one that said she'd do
whatever I needed her to. Everything  was set for Saturday night.

The mood between Charlie and I on Friday was upbeat with under lying
feelings of some tension. By the afternoon I was ready to bust and I needed
something to relax and unwind a little. I asked Charlie for one of his
backrubs.  He was happy to oblige and as usual he did a great job and it did seem to
cut  down on some of the tension between us. I was happy when the day came
to an end  and he went home. There was no way I would have been able to
avoid any more  questions that he had.

I woke up Saturday happy and excited and was looking forward to the
evening ahead. The weather however wasn't cooperating it was way to cold and
looked as if snow was going to be falling before our evening began, but I wasn'
t  going to cancel I had this planned out and I wanted to go out with
Charlie that  night. Not just because of our date but I needed to get out of the
house and  have some fun if had been a while since I had been out. This was
really my first  date with a guy was another reason I was happy but mostly I
was glad of the way  I felt and it was because of the fact that it was with
Charlie and not Steve. I  was a nervous wreck by the time the limousine
showed up. My Dad helped me get  into the limo and cautioned me to be careful
because it was snowing and he  warned me not to fall and be extra careful. He
told me that he would hold  Charlie responsible for my safety if anything
happened. I knew he was kidding  and with the closing of the door I was off on
my date with Charlie.

He was surprised to being picked up in the limo he admitted it was  the
one option he hadn't given any thought to me doing. He was sure that I was
having a friend or my cousin Gary drive us around in my car. I told him that I
thought of that but wasn't sure if they'd want to sit around waiting
while we  had dinner and whatever else we decided to do. I explained by hiring a
limo they  were at least getting paid to sit and wait.

"Can I ask where we're going to dinner or is that a secret and you  won't
tell me?"

"You may ask but I'm debating the answer."

"You're evil sometimes Mike."

"What can I say you bring out the best in me?"

"Funny, very funny ha ha ha."

"This from a guy that wants to know where we are going."

"Oh forgive me I meant no disrespect sir."

"That's better little one as a matter of fact we're going to the Bull
Tavern, it's right outside of Valley Forge do you know it?"

"I've heard of it it's suppose to have a good reputation and I've  heard
it's a nice place."

"You're right I know the head chef and the manager there. They are
customers of mine at the restaurant I work at I talked to them about tonight so
they've set us up at a good table. And Andy the chef is making something
just  for us it's not on the menu but I know some of the things you like so I'
m sure  you're going to like this."

"You seem to have thought of every thing, can I get really pushy and  ask
what's on the agenda afterwards?"

"I'll tell you this much we'll be going into downtown Philly for
something that's going on there. Can you be satisfied with that answer and just
trust me that I won't disappoint you?"

"Mike you've made me trust you not long after we met. You could have  put
on a blindfold on me for the night and I would have trusted you." He moved
over in the seat to sit right next to me and took my hand in his brought it
up  to his kips and kissed it.

"Thanks Charlie thanks a lot."

"For what Mike I didn't do anything."

"You did more than you know by that simple beautiful gesture."

"May I ask what I did?"

"You reminded me that there are nice guys still out there. I knew you
were by the way you've taken care of me to start. That kiss on the hand was the
icing on the cake."

"I'm glad its nice to see that smile on your face this past week was  the
first time I had a glimpse of that smile I knew was there."

"I hope you don't mind taking care of your invalid date tonight. I  hope
you don't think I'm taking advantage of your willingness to help people
that need it."

"Mike I don't feel that way at all and this is time for just you and  I
not Charlie and the patient Mike."

"I'm glad to hear you say that I was afraid to ask you, you  know?"

"Oh we make a great pair, good thing one so us jumped in to ask the
question or we might not be having this date for a few more weeks yet."

"Well now we're here so lets have fun at dinner and just enjoy the  night.
"

"I agree Charlie lets enjoy this, come here and let me kiss you, if I  may
be so bold?" And Charlie leaned into me and I put my arm around him and
kissed him. It was wonderful to feel his lips on mine. It felt good to have
him  touch my face and just lightly stroke along my jaw. About that time we
pulled up  to the restaurant.

"Wait here Mike and I'll come around and help you get out, if there's
snow on the ground please let me carry all your weight so you don't fall  okay?
"

"You're the boss here Charlie I'll let you give the orders." When the
door opened the driver had a wheelchair next to the door for me to get into.
Charlie was his usual medical self and got me safely from the car to the
chair  and into the restaurant. Jared came towards us with a huge smile on his
face I  hadn't seen Jared in some time but he knew everything about my
health because of  the crew at the restaurant kept him informed.

"Michael it's great to see you out and about you look great, okay the
casts are out of style and don't meet the dress code here but we'll let you
in  anyway!"

"Thanks Jared it's good to see you it has been a while since I've  seen
you. Jared I'd like you to meet Charlie, Charlie this is Jared. Charlie is
one of the paramedics that was on the scene of the accident that night. He's
been taking care of me while my parents are at work."

"Nice to meet you Charlie. You two ready to eat? Andy's got something
great for you guys I think he's out done himself he's been having a ball in
the  kitchen getting your dinner ready tonight."

"Great Jared why don't we get out of your way and get us seated? I  don't
want to block your customers coming in." He leaned into me and whispered
in my ear that they could wait till he was ready to take care of them. We
both  laughed knowing he'd be back up there in a minute kissing their asses and
apologizing for making them wait. It's just the name of game in the
restaurant  business. Sometimes you wanted to punch people in the face instead you
smiled  and told them how much you loved them being here and loved waiting
on them and  taking care of them. Anyone that works in that business knows
what I mean by  that.

We had a wonderful dinner of Beef Wellington with Red skinned  potatoes
mixed with Garlic and Celery Root. For a vegetable he made sugar Glazed
Carrots in Burgundy and for dessert we had a French Chocolate Mousse with Mango
dusted with Cinnamon, it was to die for. Andy was a great chef and created
these  wonderful dishes. I knew when I got back to work I was going to owe
him big time  for doing this for me. Charlie and I had a wonderful time over
dinner and we had  a chance to bond in a different way that when we were at
my house and he was  taking care of me. This dinner gave us a chance to be
intimate for the first  time since we had gotten to know each other. With
dinner over we got back into  the limo and headed into the city to really put
the icing on the cake of our  date. We arrived downtown and by now the snow
had stopped and it made all the  snow that was on the ground that was dirty
look like huge mounds of freshly  fallen snow. It was beautiful. We were here
to see the ice carvings that were  left over from New Years. They were huge
and some were lit up from inside giving  the ice carvings this magical
surreal look. They had melted some since they were  erected and sculptured but it
gave them a beautiful softness that made it easy  on the eyes for you to
look at them. It was a marvel to see what some people's  imagination with a
chainsaw and various other tools could produce. Charlie and I  both agreed
that we had a deep respect to those that did this. Charlie was great  and
pushed me around in the wheelchair the entire time and never  complained.

"How you hanging in there Mike? This is Charlie the paramedic asking.  You
warm enough out in this weather? We've been out here a while do you want to
see some more or would you like to get something hot to drink like coffee
or hot  chocolate?" I was shivering when he asked I just didn't want this
wonderful  evening to end.

"Maybe we should I am cold I won't lie to you and when I shake it  makes
my leg and arm hurt a little."

"Come on we'll go into one of these bars and maybe have a shot to  warm
us up on the inside and a cup of coffee. Did you bring your pain pills with
you? I hope so otherwise you're going to be hurting in a little while when
we  are on the way home."

"Yea I brought them but I left them in the limo."

"Let's get inside I'll get us our drinks and I'll run to the limo and
get them okay?"

"That would be great but if you want we can wait you don't have to  run
to the limo, why don't we just wait instead?"

"If you're sure Mike all you have to do is say the word and I'll head
out there to get them promise me you'll tell me."

"I promise Charlie, I promise." He found a bar that looked promising
mostly it looked like the easiest one to get into with the wheelchair. Charlie
handled it well and got me inside. We got to a table towards the front and
were  able to watch the people milling about the ice sculptures. At least we
were able  to see them in the comfort of the bar we were in.

"You have out done yourself Mike, this has been wonderful tonight I  am
enjoying this immensely. You have surpassed everything I had envisioned that
you might have cooked up. Nothing comes close to what I thought you would do.
"  He leaned over and kissed me. I was surprised at his boldness and his
display of  affection in this public place. I guessed it showed on my face.

"I'm sorry maybe I shouldn't have done that."

"It's okay Charlie it just surprised me I'm not use to being in  public
and doing something like that. I guess it comes from hiding most of my  life,
so don't be sorry it's okay really." We sat and chatted some more while we
watched the people outside. We got to laugh at some of the people and what
they  were doing while people watched and they were thinking no one was. By
now the  snow began to fall again and by the time we left the city it was
really coming  down and the limo driver was crawling along at about fifteen
miles per hour. We  still had a good twenty-five miles to go before getting
back to Coatesville. The  snow had never stopped out side the city so the
closer we got the worse the  roads were becoming. The driver was slow and
careful but at one point he asked  who was the closest to get dropped off and
would it be possible for the both of  us to be dropped off at the same place.
Charlie lived the closest and we both  agreed to be dropped off at his house.
It was after midnight closer to one  o'clock before we arrived. The ride
from the city to Charlie's is usually about  thirty-five minutes it had taken
us almost an hour and a half to get back due to  the storm. Getting out was
easy but getting into Charlie's was going to be  tough, he lived on the
second floor. The only thing that helped was that the  stairway was wide enough
for Charlie and the driver to help me up the stairs. We  got to Charlie's
door and I realized for the first time I was going to be  spending the night
here. Perhaps this wasn't such a good idea after all. It  sounded fine in the
limo all there was to think about was the weather and the  snow and the
roads being icy and getting somewhere safe.

Charlie opened the door and ushered me through his threshold. I'll  admit
it wasn't much but it was his. It was what he had worked for and put
together himself and to him it was his palace and I wasn't going to diminish his
kingdom.

"Charlie this is great I like it. Reminds me of my last place, and it
really did. Nice and comfy and where the hell can I sit down  sir?"

"Come on let me get your coat off and get you on the  couch. And Mike you
need to call you folks to let them know where you are and  what happened. He
was right I'm sure at this hour they were getting worried I  had told them I
figured to be home around midnight. That was before the snow  came down. I
called and spoke to my Dad he was glad to hear I was back and safe  I could
hear the relief in his voice after I explained it all. I told him I'd  see
him in the morning or as soon as we were able to get out and moving it all
depended on the snow.

"Your folks okay now that they know where you are?"

"Yes I could tell he was relieved to hear my voice. I think he was
actually glad to hear that I was with you. He likes you, you know that? And my
mom worships the ground you walk on."

"Must be my witty charm and dashing good looks."

"Oh my God, the shits getting deep in here."

"Always the joker always the wise guy."

"That's not true and you know it. Look at the evening I set up for us
tonight. Take away the snow storm and you've got to admit it was a lot of  fun.
"

"On the contrary the snow was perfect the perfect ending to a near
perfect date in my book."

"How do you figure that Charlie how is a near perfect ending?"

"The truly perfect ending would be you in my bed." I was shocked and
delighted at the same time as much as I may have wanted exactly that in my
current state I wasn't expecting it. Only the snow forced this ending. As I
always say there are no accidents. I lowered my  voice.

"Charles are you suggesting what I think you are?" His  answer was him
coming and sitting next to me on the couch. He leaned against me  and took my
hand in his and kissed it. It felt good to be here with him like  this.

"Mike I have a confession to make and I hope you don't get mad at  me."
He had me curious to say the least everything really had gone nicely that
night and I didn't doubt that we both enjoyed ourselves.

"I'll try but I doubt I will be. So why don't you tell me your
confession and lets see if I can find it in my heart to forgive you okay?"

"I paid the driver to make it seem worse that it really was, not that  it
wasn't snowing really hard and piling up. I just asked him to make it seem
bad so that he would drop us off here. I've gotten to know your heart pretty
well since I started taking care of you and the decency you have in you
would  have prevented you from asking me to let you stay the night."

"I forgive you on the grounds that you're right. The other reason you
didn't mention is my slight inability to do the things I might like to but can'
t  because of these casts. You have to admit that they do and will get in
the  way."

"Mike my mother always taught me that there was more than one way to  skin
a cat!"

"OH, does that mean I'm the cat and your going to skin  me?"

"Well if you'll consider your clothing the skin,  then yes that would be
correct."

"I'll have to thank your mother for that when I meet her for teaching
you that lesson Charlie."

"Careful what you ask for you might get your wish Mike."

"Why's that?"

"She's coming over tomorrow afternoon and if you're still here then  you'
ll get to meet her."

Charlie turned towards me and started unbuttoning my shirt and  kissing my
neck slowly and gently. I could feel my cock responding as he kissed  me
more and lower down my neck towards my chest and my nipples. It had been a
while since I had had sex and my excitement gave me goose bumps and made me
shiver.

"Are you excited by this Mike?"

"Yes very much, it's been a while."

"It's been longer for me Mike."

"Take off your clothes for me Charlie I've wondered how you look. I  wish
I could do this myself."

"Tell you what lets go into the bedroom I have an idea for you so its
special for you to okay?"

"Yes whatever you want." Charlie got me off the couch and we slowly  made
our way to his bedroom. I was happy to see a king size bed in his room. He
took me in and sat me down and slowly began removing my clothing piece by
piece  and kissing me gently and sweetly between each piece he removed. I was
naked in  a very short time and Charlie pulled the sheets and covers down
and help me get  into his bed. He propped me up and kept kissing me he sat
down next to me and  wrapped his fingers around my cock and gently stroked it
up and down.

"I've been waiting for weeks to do this Mike I've waited maybe to  long I
was just so shy and hesitant to ask you out. But right now I'm so happy  you
're here with me and I want to show you how much so lay back and close your
eyes. I did as he requested. The next thing I felt was his lips around the
head  of my cock I used my left hand to run my fingers through his hair it
felt like  silk to me in between my fingers. He was slowly sucking my cock
in and out of  his mouth while playing with my balls it was so wonderful I
had to see him I had  to watch him. I looked at his angelic face as he made
love to my cock with his  mouth. I ran my fingers along his jaw line and loved
the smooth roughness of his  five o'clock shadow. He slowly let go of my
cock and brought his face to  mine.

"Did I make you feel good?" He ran his fingers around my neck and  face I
took his hand and kissed his fingers. I took his middle finger and sucked
it into my mouth without losing his gaze. I looked into those beautiful
emerald  green eyes and gently sucked his finger in and out just as he had done
to my  cock.

"I want to do something for you Mike I want you to put you head back  and
watch. Since you can't take my clothes off the way you want. I'll take them
off slowly for you. You just tell me what to do and I'll strip at you
direction  okay."  He leaned in ad kissed me I took hold of the back of his neck
and  kissed him hard using my tongue to gain entrance to his mouth. He took
my head  in both of his hands and kissed me passionately and with hunger. I
was so hard  it hurt I reached with my hand and slowly stroked my cock and
groaned. He just  felt so good. He pulled away from me and pulled my hand
from my cock.

"Not again till I'm back in this bed with you and I touch it okay?" I
just nodded my consent to him I just wanted to see him now. I wanted to see
the  body that he'd been hiding all this time. He went down and stood towards
the end  of the bed but to the side so that I could see all of him. He stood
there  waiting for me to tell him to begin.

"Unbutton your shirt slowly." He bent his head down slightly and  looked
up at me and one by one he unbuttoned his shirt. He pushed it back off  his
shoulders and let it fall to the floor.

"Slowly lift you t-shirt off I can't wait to see your stomach and  chest."
He pulled the fabric from inside of his pants and slowly lifted one side
up a little showing me a glimpse of his side and part of his stomach. I
caught a  flash of dark hair on his stomach. He put one hand in the front by the
hem and  pushed his hand up to touch himself revealing his stomach and more
hair I was  mesmerized by it.

"Take it off Charlie lift it up over your head." He took both sides  and
lifted he was everything I had imagined. He was covered in jet-black hair
fully from his pants up to his neck; it wasn't long but just long enough to
be  able to run my fingers through it. He dropped his t-shirt to the floor.
He was  beautiful to look at like this. His eyes were hungry and vulnerable
at the same  time. And slowly and very intimately he felt himself. Running
his fingers all  over his stomach up to his nipples and he pinched them. I
watched the delight on  his face as he did this. He put his fingers in his
mouth and soaked them with  his saliva and then he traced down his chin his neck
and to his nipple. He  played with them with his saliva soaked fingers. He
never lost his gaze with me  and all I could do was watch him with lust and
desire.

"Open your belt and take it off." He did

"Unsnap your pants and peel back the fabric I want to see your  underwear."
He unsnapped his pants pushed the fabric aside. I could see his cock  it
was pointing up to the left and the tip was just poking out above the
elastic.

"Take off your pants, but not your underwear, you can take those off  when
you're ready Charlie, surprise me." He dropped his pants and stepped out
of  them. His jockeys looked so white against the blackness of his body hair.
He ran  his fingers along the inside of the elastic pulling them up and
over his cock  head. He used one hand to reach down and cup his balls and the
other to press  against his hard on. I could see the spot of wetness
spreading further around as  he pressed his hand harder against his erection. With
both hands he slide his  fingers inside the elastic and began to slowly push
them down he slowly began to  turn around by the time I was looking at his
hot ass his underpants were just  riding along the bottom of his cheeks. He
then pushed them all the way down. As  he bent over I caught a small eye full
of his hole. He kept turning around and  he used both hands to cover his
erection. I was so hot watching him do this for  me.

"Please Charlie I want to see it please let me see your cock." He  slowly
began lifting his hands away and there was his beautiful thick cock
hanging there. He was so handsome to see him in his nudity it was better than I
had imagined in those fantasies I had of him with my right hand at night at
home  in my bed. I held my arm out to him up my palm up offering to come take
my hand  in his. He walked over to the other side of the bed and crawled in
he took my  hand and placed it on his stomach. I ran my fingers through his
hair it was so  fine and soft. I traced my fingers all over his chest up to
his neck and slipped  my hand behind it and pulled him into me to kiss him
and press his body into  mine.

He slipped his hand down between my legs and grabbed my balls in his
hand. Kissing my neck and up to my ear licking it and running the tip of his
tongue into my ear all the while stroking my cock and using his thumb to smear
my precum over my cock head. He whispered into my ear.

"Fuck me Mike. Let me ride your cock and you can fuck me."

"Oh yea Charlie let me get you ready first, turn around and stay on  all
fours and back that ass up to my face I want to eat that hole of yours.
Charlie turned himself around and backed up to my face and I began to drill my
tongue into his hot hungry hole. He was begging me to fuck him as I ate his
ass.  I was using my saliva to get him all wet and I was spitting into my
hand and  stroking my cock to get it wet for him to sit on. I grabbed his
balls and pulled  them to my mouth and sucked them in I was chewing on them and
he was almost  screaming with pleasure. I pulled his cock back so that I
could suck it. He  wanted to sit on my cock so bad and I wanted him to. I
wanted to feel the  hotness inside of him and to feel his tight hole wrapped
around my cock as he  impaled himself on it.

"Come on Charlie come sit on my cock. I want to see your face when  you
have my cock in your ass. Come on baby get up here and sit on it." He turned
around and came towards me and stood over me straddling me his cock was just
out  of reach of my mouth but I reached up with my hand and pulled him
closer to me.  I let go and ran my hand up his stomach towards his neck as he
slowly lowered  himself down onto my rod. He bent his knees and I could feel
the entrance just  waiting to be broken into. He reached down and lined his
cock up and began to  impale himself on my dick. Oh God he was so tight as he
continued his decent  until he had my cock all the way in it was hot and
marvelous.  He began to  slowly rock back and forth using my dick to stroke
his prostate he was in his  glory with my cock in him he loved it and he began
to bounce up and down on me.  I grabbed his cock and wrapped my fingers
around it so I could stroke him as he  fucked himself on my cock. It had been a
while and I knew I wasn't going to last  at the rate he was going up and
down on me.

"Oh God Charlie I'm going to cum soon I can't hold on much  longer."

"It's okay Mike give it to me when ever you want." I reached up and
grabbed behind his neck and pulled his face to mine I kissed him hard and was
moaning the entire time. I pulled him back and pushed down on his shoulder I
looked into his eyes and as he drove down on my cock I raised myself up
driving  my dick into his ass. I pushed as hard as I could on his shoulder to
keep him in  that spot and the cum fired out of my cock that had been boiling
in my balls. I  was in orgasmic bliss as I kept cumming in his hot ass. He
kept pounding at me  as my cock convulsed inside him. I could feel the
excess begin to run down my  balls as I emptied myself into him. He held still
and I grabbed his cock and  started stroking him as hard and as fast as I
could.

"Oh yes Mike beat it oh yea jerk me off Mike. Do it make me cum on  you I
want to cum all over you chest and stomach."

"Come on big boy come on give it up for me give it all to me  Charlie."

"Yes, oh yes its cumming Mike." He leaned into me and let lose a  torrid
of volleys of his cum on me, thick and white it glistened on my chest and
neck as he spewed it all over me. He was finally spent and shivered from his
orgasmic high. I pulled him to me and rubbed his back with my cum drenched
hand.  It had been a wonderful hot raw round of sex desired by both of  us.

"Oh God Charlie that was so good I've wanted to do this  with you for
weeks."

"You, I liked what I saw the night of the accident. I was going to  look
you up. I kept your address that night I didn't really need it for the
hospital I was just asking you questions to get the information so I could find
you later on."

"Boy talk about sneaky and taking advantage of a guy when he's in a
weakened state."
"A guys got to do what a guy has to do Mike I just got  lucky when I heard
about someone heeding a nurse maid to take care of a guy in  his early
twenties with a broken leg and arm. I knew it just had to be you so I  came and
applied. I have a philosophy in life, there are no accidents everything
happens for a reason." I looked at him in total shock over what he had just
said.

"What's the matter with you all of a sudden? You look surprised did I
say something I shouldn't have?"

"No you didn't, when did you hear that phrase or where did you hear  it?"

"What about there are no accidents?"

"Yes that one when did you start saying that phrase?"

"I really don't remember Mike I just know I've been saying and  believing
it for a long time. But there's one other thing right now we've got to
deal with."

"What might that be my dear man?"

"I've got to get up my knees are killing me staying in this  position."

"But it feels so good to be inside you like this."

"Be that as it may I've got to get up." Charlie put his hands against
the headboard and pulled himself up and off of me. He was groaning the whole
time.

"What are you that old that you're groaning over being in that  position
for a few minutes?"

"You have no sympathy what so ever Mike you're heartless after all  the
pleasure I just gave you."

"No I'm just teasing you perhaps after they remove these damn casts  I'll
give you the same pleasure. And when I get up off of you I'll groan just
like you and then you'll be justified in busting my balls like I just did
you,  sound fair?"

"If I'm going to be the one laying down like you were then yep sounds
fair to me. But if I hear louder or longer moans than mine then I will bust
your  chops unmercifully, mark my words Mike mark my words."

Charlie and I cleaned up or I should say he cleaned us both up and  then
crawled into bed with me. It was nice to curl up with someone or I should
say it was nice for me to have someone I could hold onto he curled up next to
me  and put his head on my chest. We went to sleep holding onto each  other.

We woke up in the morning and the sun was brilliant outside. Have you
ever noticed how the snow sparkles like an endless sea of diamonds the day
after  a snowstorm? Everything looks so clean and pristine until the cars and
trucks  start moving on the road. Then all the sand and road salt destroy its
beauty. I  was born living in the wrong part of the world. I should have
been born in the  tropics where there's a constant tropical breeze and its
landscape is never  touched by cold and snow. For now the current reality was
eight inches of fresh  fallen snow and twenty-eight degrees with a wind chill
factor of twelve. It's  just not fair life isn't fair I didn't want to
leave the comfort of his  bed.

"Do I have to start again on you or are you going to get up willfully
Mike?"

"Come on have a heart, it's Sunday can't I sleep in today? And I'm a
guest doesn't that count for anything? At least another hour or so  anyway?"

"Would you like me to come in there and prod you out of bed like I do  at
your house because I will and after last nights romp in the bed I have this
renewed found energy and poking you this morning would really be sweet."

"Go away and leave me alone I'm your guest here and it's not polite  to
treat guests in that type of manner. Now perhaps if I knew there was a
breakfast waiting for me of say eggs and toast and bacon a blueberry muffin
would be good and of course a nice big cup of coffee."

"Oh boy he doesn't ask for much in the morning does he?"

"It's small price to pay to bribe me out of bed Charlie, really it's  it
small price."

"How about this for a bribe, my mother will be here in a hour, would  you
like to meet her in the living room with your clothes on or naked in my
bedroom?"

"It would be interesting to see her reaction if I stay naked in bed,  but
would I be covered up by the blankets or totally nude?"

"Oh he's really fresh this morning you have five seconds to get in a
sitting position with feet on the floor. Or I'm coming in poking buster  brown."

"Such threats you wouldn't do that to a helpless cripple who's warm  and
comfy in your bed would you?"

"Four, Three, time is running out Mike."

"You're such a brat didn't anyone ever tell you that? If they haven't
told you well..BRAT!"

"Two, One,,,I'm coming in now." I tried to move myself so that I  could
swing my feet off of the bed but the blanket kept getting stuck on my  cast.

"I'm trying don't you dare, honest I'm trying the blanket is stuck
Charlie don't you dare start poking me. I'll pee in your bed if you do." I was
laughing and he hadn't touched me yet and I was hoping that he wouldn't.

"Fine since I can see you're trying at least I'll be nice and help  you.
Stop struggling and let me get the blankets off of you first. Mmm...if my
mother wasn't coming I'd get in bed and have you cumming!"

"Quick call her tell her not to come over or tell her to come later,  lie
to her anything just postpone her arrival."

"You're a pervert, a sex crazed pervert there's no question in my  mind I'
ve gotten involved with a sex crazed maniac, which to some degree has its
advantages. No sir buster brown you're getting up now come on and I'll help
you  I can't get you into my shower so I'll force myself to give my
patient friend a  sponge bath and I'll wash your hair and get you cleaned up and
presentable to  meet my mother."

"All right you won but only because of that sponge bath offer. Are  you
going to wash Mr. Peter Pecker to?"

"No you're going to was Mr. Pecker but I'll help with the  rest."

"You're absolutely no fun Charlie I'm deeply disappointed on your
unwillingness to meet my needs."

"Your needs don't include me washing your dick buddy both hands ain't
broke so suck it up and deal."

"Speaking of sucking up I could and would be more than happy to suck  you
up and deal."

"Get off this bed and get your ass in the bathroom the clock is  ticking
and my mom will be here in, lets see oh now in about forty minutes and  if she
's early and you're not ready I'll kill you."

"Such violence and I haven't done anything wrong." I lifted myself  from
his bed and made my way to the bathroom. As promised he helped me get
washed and dressed pretty much as usual. I was on the couch a few minutes before
Charlie's mom rang the doorbell. To my surprise I was introduced as the
tentative new boyfriend with much kidding from Charlie. She was a typical
mother  asking about the accident, what I did for a living, what was the status
of my  cancer. It surprised me when she talked about that and then I
remembered how  Charlie came to me so it made sense how she knew. She was warm and
funny and I  knew where Charlie got his sense of humor and his caring
demeanor from. Charlie  made lunch for us and we talked for an hour or so once we
were done. His mother  left shortly after that and Charlie was faced with
the task of shoveling his car  out. I wanted to go out and watch him but he
insisted I stay put so I wouldn't  fall down the stairs. I gave in knowing he
had a point while he was out  shoveling I called home and let my folks know
that I was okay and that I wasn't  sure what we were doing because he was
out shoveling and we hadn't decided  before he went out. I was hoping to stay
the night again but wasn't sure if  that's what he wanted. The only problem
I was facing was not having enough pain  meds if I needed them. I had been
doing better without taking them as often as I  was a few weeks ago. I had
to wait for him to finish to find out what I was  going to be doing. I rested
my head on the sofa and closed my eyes while Charlie  was out shoveling.

I woke up sometime later with a blanket covering me. I wondered how  long
I had been out I looked around for a clock but couldn't see one. I heard
Charlie rambling in the kitchen.

"Hey you what time is it?"

"You really want to know?"

"No I thought I'd ask that question to see if no one would answer me.  Of
course I really want to know bonehead."

"Such names ouch! For your information buster brown you've slept a  good
part of the afternoon it's five thirty and I'm making dinner for us. I
think somebody was really tired from his outing last night in Philly."

"I think it was more from that round of sex we had after the night in
Philly."

"It could be it could be."

"Hey Mike you want anything to drink maybe a cup of coffee or do you  want
something stronger? And do you have to pee?"

"No I don't have to pee just yet, a cup of coffee would be great I  still
feel groggy from that nap."

"I'll put on some fresh coffee it'll be ready in a few minutes  Mike."

"Can you give me a hand I guess I do have to go after all? I need  some
help getting off this damn couch of yours. I feel like I'm sinking in  it."

"It's the same thing for me when I get comfortable so it's not you,  one
sec and I'll be out to help you." True to his word and he came out to help
me the off the couch. I was getting tired of needing help to do the little
thins  in life and this was one of them I tried telling myself that it wouldn
't be that  much longer and I'd be free of these casts and crutches. I
guess I was  struggling a little more than usual and Charlie stepped in
immediately to help  me.

"Don't! Don't do it I'll fucking manage myself I can take a fuckin  piss
by myself."

"Fine Michael you're on your on handle it!" He turned and went back  to
the kitchen in about three steps. I was just being short tempered with myself
and he had seen it a few times since he'd started taking care of me. And
as  usual I was going to have to tell him I was sorry for being an asshole. I
finished up in the bathroom and turned to go back down the hall. I guess I
caught the tip of the crutch on something and down I went. I had been in a
hurry  because I was mentally yelling at myself when it happened. He bolted
out of the  kitchen and was by my side in a heartbeat.

"Are you okay?"

"I think so, nothings screaming at me yet Charlie." I was lying on my
side and I covered my face with my arm.

"You want to lay here a few minutes or you want to get up?"

"Not sure yet."

"Want me to sit here with you?"

"Yea." He sat there and I laid there for a few. I was wallowing in
self-pity, neither of us was saying anything. And in the quiet I started to cry
and I wasn't even sure why. He made no movement and I kept my face covered
trying to hide my shame. After a few minutes he got up and went into the
bedroom  and came back, sat down beside me and handed me a box of Kleenex and
still he  said nothing.

"I'm sorry Charlie I was just feeling sorry for myself and I was  short
with you and all you do is help me. It was just a moment of being  aggravated
by these casts. I'm sorry."
It was quiet and he just sat there. He  reached over and took my hand away
from my face and wiped away the few tears  that were left. He just looked
into my eyes.

"Don't be."

"But I ..." He placed his hand over my mouth.

"Nothing more okay?" He hadn't taken his hand away from my mouth so I
shook my head in agreement.

"Good then lets get you up and on the couch there's a cup of coffee
waiting for you on the coffee table." He got up and got me back on the couch a
little sore but at least in one piece. He went into the kitchen and came out
a  few seconds later with a glass of water and two of my pain pills.

"If I take two I'll probably pass out Charlie."

"I know that but you're going to be hurting soon and if you wait  until
you do it will take longer for the pills to work because the pain will  have
gotten ahead of you. And it will take longer for the pills to work because
the pain will have gotten to far ahead of you. This way you won't hurt at
all  Mike, trust me just take them for me and shut up okay?"

"But what about me getting home if I take these I'll never make it  down
the stairs and there's no way you can carry me down those stairs my  man."

"Well I guess you'll just have to stay the night won't you Pal?" I
looked at his face and all I could read was that this is what he wanted, he
wanted me to stay the night again.

"That's why you let me sleep when you came back in so I wouldn't talk
about going home. Am I right?"

"Could be but I have a confession to make to you."

"HHHMM..another confession this sounds interesting."

"Maybe, maybe not but just in case promise you won't be mad."

"Only because I don't mind having to stay over tonight and I'll bet  for
being forgiven for whatever you're going to confess to I'll get sex out of
the deal true?

"I was right you are a sex crazed maniac. But maybe we'll have sex,  that
part remains to be seen. As for the confession did you like the ice tea at
lunch time?"

"Yes it was just like I like it nice and sweet."

"That would be to cover up the taste of the ground up sedative I put  in
it. I wanted to make sure you took a nice long nap hopefully long enough that
I'd make you stay for dinner. And then my ace in the hole was that the
stairs  were to slippery with ice to get you down the stairs safely."

"You're slick buddy boy, you're slick. That must be why I like you so
much and asked you out. You're a deviate just like me that's why we get along
so  well. We only have two problems. One I have to call my parents and tell
them I'm  staying again. Two I don't know if I'll have enough of my pills
to get through  tonight and into tomorrow morning."

"No problem I have another confession to make. I took a few of your  pills
on Friday when I left your house hoping that I could get you to stay on
Saturday, the snow just was lucky and helped my plan even more."

"Man first you slip me a Mickey to knock me out and then you were
planning to get me to stay here last night before we even went on our date. I'm
really going to have to keep my eye on you."

"Only when it comes to me finding ways to get you in my bed."

"And you call me a sex crazed maniac you got some big balls buddy.  And
just how am I going to explain this to my parents, staying here another  night?
"

"Don't you remember me telling you that the stairs were to slippery  for
you to go down safely?"

"Like I said you're a slick little bastard Charlie."

"Now you can call and I'll get us set up for dinner, you want to eat  out
here in the living room and watch TV while we eat or in the dining  room?"

"The living room sounds good to me, would you hand me the phone so I  can
call my parents and lie to them." I talked to my Dad again and let him know
I was staying because of the stairs not being safe enough for me to get
down  them. He wanted to know if he should bring anything for me. I felt like a
rat  telling him I would be okay until tomorrow. I told him that if the
stairs were  okay I'd be home or if not Charlie would run up after supper
tomorrow and get  some things for me. And he did the next day. He got me enough
stuff to stay more  than a few days. Explaining with the snow and everything
that me staying with  him was just easier for him to take care of me. My
father continued to pay him  and gave him extra money for food and whatever
else I might need while I was  here with him. So I stayed a while and we eat
slept and had sex whenever the  spirit moved us. But I had to go home I couldn'
t stay I still had conflicts and  as much as I liked Charlie I wasn't in
love with him. I knew I was still in love  with Steve and staying with Charlie
just proved it to me. And every one of  Charlie's touches, his kisses, and
the way he held me I just kept comparing him  to Steve. I couldn't tell him
that I couldn't level with him I liked him enough  not to hurt him I couldn'
t tell him that I kept comparing him to Steve. Whatever  it meant, whatever
was going to happen I had to talk to him. I had to find out  why and how
Randy walked into our lives and destroyed it the way he did. The  question was
would he still be in love with me.

Just two more weeks and the casts would be off. I was set up for an
appointment in one week but I wasn't counting on them coming off at that point
but I couldn't lie to myself I still had my hopes up that the doctor would
change his mind I just had to watch the time go by what else could I do?

Charlie and I kept going out on dates but it wasn't getting serious  and I
think both of us knew that it wasn't going to go anywhere either. We both
were using each other for sex that's really what it boiled down to we were
fuck  buddies it just so happened that we were friends and I had a feeling
that if  Steve was back in the picture seriously Charlie and I would just
drift apart no  hard feelings and no regrets. We learned a lot about each other
during my period  of recovery. We shared our childhood secrets our
insecurities our doubts and  hopes about our futures in life. These talks of the
future didn't include the  words us or we and I never spoke of Steve, and
Charlie didn't ask. I'm not sure  why we talked about so many other things I just
felt that bringing up his name  would shatter everything we did have with
each other. I don't think either one  of us wanted the sex to end at least
not at this point in our friendship. I  think or at least I believed that
everything between Charlie and I would end the  day the casts came off. That
ride to the doctors office was quiet neither of us  knew what to say and saying
good-bye wasn't going to happen. When the day was  over and he walked out
the door with both of us promising to keep in touch and  we'd call soon but
we both knew it was a lie and our good bye kiss to each other  was more of a
friendly peck on the cheek. Neither of us shed a tear and I still  remember
him today with a tug at my heart and a smile on my face.

I was finally going back to work the doctors, all that I had had  given me
a clean bill of health. I felt like I was going to be productive again  and
at least I wouldn't be sitting on my ass and trying to get better. Granted
the back to work schedule was only going to be part time for the first
month  with a build up of hours during the last two weeks. I knew Steve had left
the  restaurant already. Gary had told me when he left. He had gone to work
in  another restaurant in town I thought it was better that way but I knew
I had to  talk to him. He had been right about one thing he told me that
maybe when a few  weeks had gone by I wouldn't be so mad, and I wasn't. It
just took a few months  longer rather than a few weeks. Maybe he was just
hoping that it was only going  to be a few weeks. I kept wondering how I was
going to get to him how could I  make it happen. I wasn't really feeling like I
should be the one having these  thoughts it should be him wondering if he
still loved  me.