Date: Sat, 12 Mar 2005 22:36:48 -0800 (PST)
From: Dave Matthew <hop1ng4l0ve@yahoo.com>
Subject: "The Guy That Changed My Life: Part 1"

     It was the last night that all my friends and I would
be together in middle school.  It was called "memory
dinner".  Everyone would get dressed up and all nice.  The
girls would get there hair all done and there make up set
up.  The guys would wear really nice pressed suits.  It was
like prom night, but better because we would not be
graduating that year.  First we would arrive and everyone
would say how nice everyone looked. By the time everyone
entered the school lobby, we all sat down at our reserved
seats with our group of friends.  They started calling us up
to get our nice dinners that were made just for us.  All the
teachers were waiting on us.  It was definitely a night to
remember.

     The thing is, I remembered it a different way.  When
everyone was done eating, we moved to the cafeteria.  This
is where our big extravaganza dance would take place.
Everything was decorated.  The DJ was playing the music that
was popular at the time.  Although it was not my taste of
music, I did not mind, because me friends and I were having
the night of our life.  My friend and I were dancing
together and then just for laughs all of my friends started
switching partners so everyone was dancing with everyone.
Just for laughs though, Charlie and I started dancing.  Our
hands touched once and something came over me. Something
that I have never felt before. It was as if this guy was
something of another world.  I have never had feelings for a
guy before, but for some reason this was different.  On this
night, when I danced with him in a jokingly matter for only
a minute, it was my night.

     A year passes, and I hold my feelings in for him.  I
was not very good friends with him, to where we were at the
point where we hung out.  That changed though.  It was when
we both joined the rowing team.  Well he joined it, and one
of my friends wanted me to join also.  I was really unsure
on weather I should or not. So I asked what guys were going
to be doing this too.  She happen to have mentioned Charlie.
At that time it was a sure answer.  I figured with this
sport, we could work out an arrangement and have my parents
pick him up on the way to practice, and then his parents
take me home afterwards.  Sure enough the arrangement
worked.  This is where I though when we had a early morning
practice he could stay the night so we could sleep in a
little more instead of waking up so early to stop at his
house, then go to the boat club.

     Well that's exactly what happened.  I knew that he
didn't have the same feelings for me as I did for him.  But
the thing is, I didn't care. My day was better when he was
with me.  It seemed like things didn't matter.

     Charlie was about 5'10.  He was shorter then me, but I
was really tall so just about everyone was shorter then me.
He had bright blue eyes, and short brown hair. Sometimes it
was spiked up in the front, other times it was flat, but I
liked it either way so it didn't bug me.  He has such nice
abs, and a slight upper build.  He basically has a swimmer
body.  That would make sense because he was one of the top
swimmers of the school.  He was definitely a really good
looking guy.

     I never understood why he would date the girls that
would always end up hurting him.  I hated seeing him hurt.
We would always talk together when he would end up
heartbroken.  We had become something that I wanted, the
best of friends.  He trusted me and I trusted him. Something
I wanted more then anything.  I was happy when he would call
me up and talk to me of his feelings, it made me feel
important in his life.

     He started dating this chick, this time I knew it would
be a serious relationship because she was one of my
trustworthy friends also.  The relationship they had was
deep, it lasted almost a year.  She broke up with him for
another guy.  He was so heartbroken.  The day the break up
happened he didn't want to stay at home, he just wanted a
place out, he didn't want to be questioned by his parents
about what had happened.  I offered for him to stay at my
house, he accepted and when he came over, he was in tears.
He was laying on my bed weeping as I was sitting in my
computer chair.

"Dude, do you want to talk about it?"

"No" Charlie said in a cracking voice.

     I could tell he was hurt, hurt really badly. I wanted
to tell him that I was there for him, and that if he needed
me to do anything, I would. But I could never get the
courage to tell him how I really felt, it was just not in
me. I was afraid of losing everything with him.

"I don't understand why people break up with me!" Charlie
said with a loud tone. Tears were running down his eyes,
more then what were before. I could only imagine what the
other person was feeling.  Then again, I think Charlie was
more hurt for the fact that she left him for another guy.

"I know that I would never break up with you" I said without
thinking.

     Just at that time I looked at him in the eyes in total
shock of what I just said, and he turned his head to look at
me.  In my mind I was thinking "oh shit what did I just do,
what the fuck did I just do!"  Him laying there in my bed
with his head turned at me. He had water in his eyes, from
the tears.

"What did you mean by that?" he said.

     I could not gather any words to say. I was in complete
shock. I was saying "he knows! He fucking knows!"  I was in
total disbelief. I quickly gathered my thoughts, I was
panicking.  I have just jeopardized our friendship. I had to
come up with something, I just didn't know what.

"Well, I mean if I was a chick and I was with you." I said
in a trembling voice.

     I knew that would not convince him, I just didn't have
anything else to say. He stared coldly into my eyes.  It
seemed like an eternity on the last time someone said
something.

"Why the fuck do you keep staring at me?!" I said, trying to
break the silence.

     After that he sat up on his bed. I did not know what he
was going to do. Was he going to fight me, was he going to
get up and leave? My heart must have been going a million
miles a second. I was so afraid. Then he started walking
towards me.