Date: Sun, 09 Sep 2012 10:09:35 -0400
From: Morris Henderson <bigmoh@post.com>
Subject: Trials_and_Triumph_2

TRIALS AND TRIUMPHS -- PART I


Chapter 4:  VENI, VIDI, VICI
[I came, I saw, I conquered]

Brian and Eric said goodbye to Brian's parents who left for the
airport at five in the afternoon on Friday for the short flight to
Sacramento.  The two teens sat on the patio relaxing.  Brian was
able to give scant attention to the conversation because he was
impatient to launch his plan for seducing his friend.  Perhaps, he
thought, tonight would accomplish no more than `testing the
waters,' and assess Eric's willingness to engage in gay sex.  With
luck, he may begin the process of weakening Eric's defenses.  He
was enough of a realist, however, to discount the chances of
scoring that night.  He wanted sex badly but he was prepared to
postpone his conquest until it could be done with a willing partner.
He may not even achieve his goal on Saturday night; it could take
a long time if Eric was not receptive.

When the sun dropped below the horizon, it began to get chilly so
they went indoors.  Brian suggested ordering in a pizza for dinner
and Eric agreed since, like all teen boys, his appetite was rarely
satisfied and he loved pizza, something he had not enjoyed for
too long.  After polishing off a large supreme pizza and downing a
two-liter bottle of Pepsi, they settled into the basement family
room to watch a movie on television.  Brian paid little attention to
the movie because he was reviewing, revising, and refining his
scheme to win Eric's agreement to have sex.  Among other
considerations, Brian wondered if it would be fair to lure a friend
into having sex if the friend were not already inclined to do it.  And
it was far from certain that Eric was so inclined.  He rationalized; it
wouldn't be rape if Eric willingly took the bait even though he was
straight.  He may participate if only as an expression of gratitude
for being rescued from a deplorable situation at home ... but if he
consented, it would be an act of free will.  If he refused ... well ...
that would be unfortunate but his reluctance would have to be
honored.  Brian accepted the possibility of that the seduction
would fail and he would have to wait for another opportunity with
someone else.  He also knew that, given his far from attractive
looks and weak social skills, finding someone else would be
difficult.  Eric might be his only chance to experience gay sex,
which only strengthened his desire to plan and execute his
strategy flawlessly.

The movie ended.  Eric began discussing it but Brian was ill-
prepared to offer any more than superficial opinions since he had
been distracted by what was to him a far more important matter.
"If you don't mind, Eric, I think I'll shower and go to bed early.  It's
a little early but for some reason I'm tired."

"I don't mind at all," Eric replied.  "I think I'll go upstairs and finish
the Chemistry assignment for school.  Would it bother you if I
studied in the bedroom while you showered ... and went to bed?"

"Not at all," Brian said.  His friend's intention to be in the bedroom
meshed perfectly with the carefully planned and eagerly
anticipated seduction plan.

Brian took a long shower, thinking it would give Eric time to finish
the school assignment and therefore be ready to notice the bait
that he would be casting.   As a result of anticipating what he
hoped would happen, together with making sure his private parts
were clean and fresh, he sprouted a particularly hard erection.
"Sorry, little guy," he thought.  "I'm saving you for something much
better than a routine jerk off."  As he dried himself, he focused his
mind on trivial details of the teacher's boring lecture in his English
Literature class.  The distraction worked; his cock deflated.  He
then walked, completely naked, down the hall from the bathroom
to the bedroom.  "I'm done," he announced as he walked into the
bedroom.

Eric glanced up and saw for the first time his buddy totally naked.
He couldn't help himself.  His eyes were drawn immediately to the
thick, black pubic bush; to the impressive cock (dangling but still
partially enlarged from a recent hard-on), and to the pendulous,
hairy ball sack that seemed to hang so low because of two large
balls.  The surprising sight momentarily disabled his judgment.
His disciplined habit of not showing `unnatural interest' in another
guy's equipment failed him and he didn't divert his eyes quickly
enough.  Instead, he reflexively inhaled sharply and he let his
gaze linger for much too long.

Brian was delighted by Eric's reaction; it was exactly what he had
hoped for but was unwilling to expect.  He paused while Eric's
eyes (and mind?) were riveted on what he hoped was a enticing
sight.  When Eric regained control of his eyes, Brian said, "Oh!"
He glanced down at his bare crotch for a fraction of a second.  "I
thought that since my parents are gone and we're just a couple of
guys alone in the house, it would be all right to skip the modesty
bit.  If I offended you, I apologize."  The comment was, of course,
one of the planned `escape hatches' to use if Eric was straight ...
a way to explain away what might appear to be a blatant attempt
to arouse sexual desire.  But his friend did not show any signs of
disapproval or indignation -- a hopeful sign that Brian welcomed.

"Offended?  No."  Eric managed to say.  "It was just a surprise;
that's all."

"Good."  Brian said.  "The last thing I'd want is to offend my best
friend ... my only friend."

Without bothering to put on fresh boxers Brian turned down the
covers on the bed.  He was pleased to note out of the corner of
his eye that Eric watched every movement.  To further test his
friend's interest, he walked to the closet and laid out clothes for
the next morning.  Deliberately, but not too obviously he hoped,
he took his time selecting his clothes in order to give Eric as much
time as reasonably possible to `examine the merchandise'.  He
pretended to be indecisive about what to wear the next day.
Surreptitiously, he watched Eric out of the corner of his eye and
found to his great satisfaction that his roommate's eyes were
consistently trained on his crotch and ass.   It was encouragement
enough that Brian allowed himself to think that tonight just might
be the night.

"Oh!," Brian began, feigning a spontaneous thought.  "Since
nudity doesn't bother you, would you mind if I sleep in my birthday
suit?  That's what I usually do ... before you moved in with me."

"If that's what you want, do it."

A dim suspicion began to surface in Eric's mind that triggered a
series of questions and speculations.  Is Brian showing off?
Nothing about his thin body deserves admiration ... but he can be
proud of what he has between his legs.  It would only be natural
for a skinny boy to want to display his manhood.  Or is he doing
more than showing off?  Is he trying to suggest....  NO!  Not likely!
Not Brian!  He's sure to be straight as an arrow.  But then again...

"Fact of the matter is, Brian, I normally sleep with nothing on."
That was a lie but if Brian was indeed hinting at doing something
in bed it would be exactly what Eric wanted.  He hadn't given the
first thought to having sex with Brian in all the time they had been
friends.  Not even sleeping in the same bed had been the least bit
arousing.  But now ... now the uninhibited display of nudity had
given birth to a new possibility: having sex with Brian.  But a
nagging doubt remained.  Was his friend subtly suggesting
something or simply being innocently unconcerned about roaming
through the room naked?

"The damn Chemistry assignment can wait!" Eric said.  "I think I'll
go to bed, too."  Brian's grin seemed to confirm his speculation.
But it was not definitive evidence.

Eric closed his text, got up out of the desk chair, and started to
take off his clothes.  Delightedly, he watched Brian watch him with
unrestrained interest.  When he was down to nothing but his
boxers he turned around, pretending to be modest but also to give
a better view of his ass as he bent down to take off the last
remaining article of clothing.  Turning back to face his friend, he
was pleased to see that Eric gave a prolonged visual inspection of
the uncut cock that was already in the early stages of
engorgement.  Thus far, Eric thought his behavior could have
been quite innocent and it would allow a retreat from any hint of
titillation.  But Brian's obviously keen and undisguised interest
gave him the courage to take a risky step.  He walked over to the
edge of the bed, stood motionless before his friend for a while to
allow him a closer inspection.  Brian, puzzled by the completely
unexpected deviation from his meticulously planned seduction
strategy, ran his eyes up and down the nude form just inches
away from him,  His bewilderment ... and delight ... were about to
be intensified.

Eric was amused and very happy that he had obviously captured
Brian's uninhibited attention in a way that seemed to leave no
doubt about his sexual preference.  For further and final
confirmation of interest, Eric asked in a sensuous near-whisper,
"Like what you see, Stud?"

Brian was temporarily flummoxed by the turn of events.  His mind
was in turmoil, groping to answer an astonishing question:  Who
is seducing whom?  Without regret, he cast aside his carefully
crafted plan and grinned broadly.  He threw back the covers,
revealing a fully erect cock, and replied.  "Yes!  I like it a lot!
Come get in bed!"

There was no longer any doubt in either teen's mind about the
sexual preferences of the other.  Nor about what would happen
next.

Without delay, they hugged each other.  They clung forcefully to
each other, not as friends giving and receiving support and
comfort but driven by the primal forces of pure lust.  Their naked,
sex-starved bodies pressed tightly and erotically together.  Their
minds lost all awareness except for the ultimate thrill of their first
man-to-man, carnal contact.  Inevitably, their cocks started to
throb, which further intensified the sensual chaos that pulsed
through their bodies.  Although relishing the feelings they had
both longed for but that exceeded their most extreme imagining,
they wanted MORE stimulation.  They simultaneously ground
their crotches together furiously and were rewarded with a
quantum boost to their erotic pleasure.

Powerless to reign in their overwhelming passion and no longer
able to communicate verbally, they expressed their feelings for
each other by kissing long and almost aggressively.  Whether by
design or by chance, Brian assumed the leadership role.  He
reached down and fondled Eric's cock.

A hand other than his own on his stiff rod had the effect of putting
Eric into a state where he could do nothing except enjoy the
attention and heightened stimulation that radiated throughout his
body.  He lay there in ecstasy as his friend repositioned himself
and began gently massaging his well-defined chest with special
attention to hypersensitive nipples that responded by projecting
outward as if pleading for more manipulation.

Brian was lost in his own version of ecstasy.  He had free access
to a male body.  Not just any male body but a strikingly attractive
one that was the image of youthful masculinity.  He briefly
compared his own body to Eric's but dismissed the thought
because it was too depressing.  He turned his full attention to
exploring the nude form that lay beside him.  He used his hands
and fingers first to caress and admire but then used his mouth to
lick circles around the nipples and then to suckle on them.  As
Eric moaned with delight, Brian moved slowly and evocatively
downward, lingering at the naval but impatiently moving on to the
ultimate objective.

Eric's moans grew louder when he felt stimulation to the tip of his
throbbing cock, a swollen, purple helmet that had emerged from
hiding under the protective foreskin.  He glanced down and saw
Brian using his tongue to flick the tip of the pulsating penis that
was quite unaccustomed to such intense teasing.  The sensations
were almost unbearable.

Brian had barely taken the uppermost half of the shaft in his
mouth and managed only to deliver a few strokes when Eric
reflexively bucked his hips and screamed, "I GOTTA SHOOT!
LET GO!"  But Brian was not to be denied experiencing the taste
of another man's cum.  He tightened his lips around the quivering
tube of hard flesh and prepared to receive the hot cream.  It
blasted the back of his throat in several volleys, forcing him to
swallow to avoid the possibility of any leaking out.

It was several minutes before Eric recuperated from the explosive
orgasm but gradually his heart rate settled down, his breathing
returned to normal, and his mind cleared enough to notice Brian
lying next to him with an arm and a leg on top of him.  "That was
marvelous," Eric gushed.  "Thanks."

"Your turn to do me now," Brian replied.

Later, Eric would think back on his friend's request (uttered almost
as a demand!) and worry.  There was no "You're welcome" or
"Glad you enjoyed it" and it seemed to set a mechanical tone to
the situation rather than contributing to a romantic or at least
affectionate spell.  Was that all Brian wanted -- sex and not an
emotional bonding between two very good friends?  At the
moment, however, Brian was right; it was only fair to return the
favor.

Eric set about the task (not yet realizing that it was more of a task
than a demonstration of friendship).  He duplicated Brian's
technique but didn't enjoy any of it until he got down to the pubic
terrain.  Then, he took great pleasure in fondling his bedmate's
cock.  He was grateful that his first manipulation of another guy's
penis was with a good friend and not merely an acquaintance.  He
delighted in watching it engorge from limpness to stiffness and
more than double its length.  It seemed he couldn't get enough of
the feel and sight of it.  It was so arousing that his own cock
inflated in spite of having very recently discharged a massive load
of semen.

But his pleasure was interrupted when Brian said, "Don't just fool
around down there.  Get me off!  I need to cum!"

Eric wrapped his lips around the upper half of the now throbbing
shaft and began to bob his head up and down while stroking the
lower half of the impressively long and fat cock.  Unlike his own
rapid climax, Brian's was a long time coming.  Just as Eric began
to worry whether he was doing it right, his friend tensed and,
without any sort of warning, a blast of hot cream hit the back of
Eric's unprepared throat.  He gagged just as a second blast
assaulted his mouth.  Much of the second spurt and the third
leaked out to coat the base of Brian's cock, his pubes, his ball
sack, and Eric's hand.

Eric managed to receive and swallow three more but less forceful
eruptions and continued to hold the spent cock in his mouth while
gently rubbing his tongue across the tip of the still twitching rod.
He was startled when Brian grabbed a handful of his hair,
forcefully disengaged him, and shouted, "STOP!  Don't you know
how sensitive it is after I've cum?"

Eric contritely moved up to lie beside his friend.  But the post-
orgasmic togetherness didn't last long.  Brian said, "Look!  You've
left me all messy.  I'm going to shower."  He abruptly got out of
bed and headed toward the bathroom.  Eric was left wondering.
Had he done something wrong?  Why not lay there and hug or at
least be together?  A troubling thought entered his mind.  Was
Brian interested only in the sex act?  Did he not have any need or
tolerance for affection?  If so, was that fundamental to his nature
or a byproduct of having to adopt a loner role?

Only time will tell.


Chapter 5: A MYSTERY WRAPPED IN AN ENIGMA

Eric waited for Brian to shower, wondering and then worrying
about what was taking him so long.  He was about to go check on
his friend when the sound of the running water stopped.  He
waited some more.  He wanted to talk to his buddy and thank him
for the wonderful experience they had shared.  Perhaps Brian
would open up and disclose why he was so blasé about their sex
and so curt when he immediately got out of bed.  After several
more minutes, he saw Brian -- a bath towel wrapped around his
waist -- walk past the open bedroom door.  He was utterly
confused.  Why was the guy with whom he had shared the
ultimate in sensual experience and the most intimate expression
of affection seemingly avoiding him?  Did he feel guilty for some
reason?  Was he dissatisfied with the experience?  And why was
he not returning to bed when he had claimed earlier that he was
tired and needed some sleep?  He had no answers to those
questions, nor even any logical theories.

Twenty minutes passed as Eric's confusion increased.  He had to
find out what the hell was going on.  He slipped on his boxers and
went downstairs.  Brian was slouched in an armchair in the living
room staring at nothing in particular.

Eric chose to start the conversation on a positive note.  "Hey, pal,"
he said cheerily.  "I just wanted to thank you again for an
awesome experience.  It was infinitely better than I expected."

Brian glanced up and mumbled, "Yeah.  It was okay."

Eric was stunned.  "OKAY?  Is that all you can say?

Brian ignored the question and stared again at the wall..

"Come on, Brian!  Tell me what the hell is wrong.  It's not like you
to sulk around.  Especially after the great time we had in bed."

Brian glared at his friend and snarled, "I don't want to talk about it.
Just leave me alone!"

Irritation joined the frustration and bewilderment in Eric's mind.  It
made him even more determined to find out what problem was
upsetting Brian.  He sat in a chair near his brooding friend and
said, "If it's something I've done, I'm sorry.  If there's anything I
can do to help, you can ...."

Brian erupted angrily.  "DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME?  LEAVE ME
ALONE."

Feeling abused by the violent outburst, Eric left.  The mystery was
not only unsolved but it was greatly expanded and even more
emotionally distressing.  He returned to the bedroom and lay
down.  But sleep was to elude him for several hours.  Memories of
the exhilarating experience of his first sexual encounter with a guy
-- something that he had yearned for -- contrasted sharply with
Brian's inexplicable behavior afterwards. The joy of sex had been
ruined, forever corrupted by Brian's antipathy and anger.  It
seemed that unless Brian overcame whatever it was that caused
his very uncharacteristic behavior there would be no more sex.
Even the friendship that had developed slowly but recently
blossomed seemed doomed.  It was well past midnight when Eric
fell into a fitful sleep.  Alone in the bed.


Brian also found sleep to be impossible as he struggled to sort out
his emotions.  He had been pleasantly surprised when Eric's
behavior confirmed a definite sexual preference.  All the planning
of a seduction strategy was unnecessary but it had been a
challenge he couldn't resist.  He had enjoyed hatching and
refining his scheme and he had enjoyed the prospect of achieving
an unlikely goal.  The thrill of the hunt had motivated him.  In fact,
he had been almost obsessed with the hope of conquest.  His first
sex with a guy would be the realization of a dream.  That it was
unlikely -- because of his looks and inability to socialize -- only
made the effort more interesting.  The sex was thoroughly exciting
and satisfying: the free access to a naked male, the exploration of
a handsome body, the feel and exquisite taste of a cock in his
mouth, the salty-sweet taste of cum on his tongue, and of course
the overpowering sensations of receiving his first blow job.  His
conquest was hugely gratifying, which paradoxically presented a
huge problem.

As he sat brooding in the living room, he was profoundly worried
about something he hadn't sufficiently considered.  And he
punished himself for not doing so.   He knew he was unattractive
and had no interpersonal skills so his chances for finding a
partner were slim.   But then he became good friends with Eric.
He developed a genuine affection for him.  And they had sex.
The euphoria of the sex amplified his attraction to and affection
for his friend.  It could easily grow into love and a committed
relationship.  He wanted a sexual partner and a loving relationship
with a man -- specifically, with Eric.  But he also wanted an
education and a career.  He would be enrolling in MIT, a
prestigious university in Massachusetts, in the fall and major in
electrical engineering with, perhaps, graduate work to earn a
PhD.  It was just the sort of life that he knew would be appropriate
for his interests and his personality.

Prior to having sex with Eric he regarded the event as nothing
more than gratification of primal urges.  He would seduce his
friend (or a mutual seduction he now wondered).  He would enjoy
further physical pleasures before he went away to college.  But
his emotional attraction to Eric irreversibly changed everything,
An imponderable dilemma struck him completely unexpectedly
like a bolt of lightning at the worst possible time -- just as Eric
had begun to suck his cock.  He feared that the mouth on his
cock, the mouth of a person he had developed a deep affection
for, might jeopardize his important goal of an education and a
fascinating career.  Maintaining and nurturing a gay relationship
while in school would be a distraction from the arduous task of
earning a degree from a very competitive university.  Worse,
given the rampant intolerance and persecution of homosexuals
throughout society [in the early 1970s], his career opportunities
would be severely limited by bigoted recruiters and employers.

He faced two unacceptable alternatives: loving sex or long-term
success in a career.  He saw no way to have both.

He continued to struggle with his problem as the young man who
had stolen his heart was upstairs.  He regretted his thoughtless
comment ("Don't just fool around down there.  Get me off!  I need
to cum!").  He regretted forcefully pulling Eric off his cock and
complaining about the cum that leaked into his pubic hair.  But the
torment of possibly having to choose between a lover and a
career disrupted his normally rational thinking.  He HAD to leave
the bedroom abruptly (another thing he regretted), shower, and
go downstairs to think through his dilemma.

When Eric came into the living room with a cheerful greeting it
was an unwelcome intrusion into his thoughts and he reacted
angrily.  That, he soon realized, was yet another mistake and he
cursed himself for being so irritable and rude.

After agonizing over the dilemma for a long time, he chose
education and career.  He would have to sacrifice the other, less
important goal of companionship with a gay partner.  Living with
his secret identity but achieving success in a career he enjoyed
was clearly the best choice.

Before finally allowing himself to go to sleep, he had made a
painful decision.  He had to terminate his friendship with Eric
because it would be too much of a temptation to continue having
sex.  It would risk becoming what he considered to be a slave to
his lust and he would be controlled by his growing affection for a
lover.

<><><><><>

The next morning, Eric was still alone in the bed.  He went
downstairs and found Brian asleep on the sofa, covered with a
blanket.  Quietly, he fixed himself a bowl of cereal and a glass of
orange juice.  He lingered over breakfast, hoping his buddy would
awaken and be willing to talk about what was obviously bothering
him.  Nearly an hour later, however, he went upstairs to get
dressed.

Eric tried to study for a test but it was useless.  He could think of
nothing except Brian's mysterious behavior.  Two hours later,
Brian walked into the bedroom wearing only the towel from last
night's shower.  Eric greeted him with a pleasant, "Good
morning."

Brian did not answer but gathered his clothes and walked out,
leaving Eric even more puzzled than before.  The befuddled teen
became increasingly angry at his friend's inexplicable attitude.
His anger displaced what little affection remained for his friend.
After a few minutes, he decided to get some answers.  He went
downstairs where he confronted Brian who was finishing a bowl of
cereal.  "Enough of this silent treatment, Brian!  I think I deserve
an explanation.  What the hell is your problem?"

Brian glared at Eric menacingly for a long time, summoning up his
previous resolve to sever the friendship.  There was no gentle
way to do that, he had concluded.  "You don't deserve anything
more than you've already got.  You've got a place to stay ... three
meals a day ... and a bit of sex."

Reigning in his anger and adopting a calm tone of voice, Eric
said, "I'm grateful for all of that.  I've told you that a hundred
times.  But I don't understand why you've changed so quickly.
You're not the guy you normally are.  We were good friends.  For
a long time.  What happened?"

In spite of Brian's lingering affection for the one guy who had
been his friend for years and who could become a lover, he felt
compelled to play the role of villain.  "Yeah.  We WERE friends.
But it can't continue.  Is that plain enough for your feeble mind?"

"And why not?" Eric asked incredulously.

"Think about it, shithead!" Brian growled and walked out of the
kitchen.

The rest of the day was punctuated by occasional frosty
exchanges between the two young men.  Each of Eric's attempts
to engage Brian in conversation, even about neutral subjects, was
ignored or met with scorn.  Brian disliked having to do that
because, at the deepest level, he still liked Eric.  But his
determination to dissolve the friendship was paramount.  Eric
disliked even more the treatment he was getting.
Disappointment, frustration, irritation, and an increasing sense of
hopelessness dominated his thinking and depressed his spirits.

By evening, he gave up trying to reach out to Brian.  Without
saying "Good night" to his friend (Was he still a friend?), Eric got
ready for bed, wondering whether he would sleep alone for
another night.  He lay in bed reviewing the events leading up to
his buddy's sudden change in behavior and attitude but found no
clues that would suggest a reason.  Before falling asleep he made
a decision.  He would give Brian more time to reconsider and at
least show signs of returning to his normal self.  If he didn't open
up -- even a little bit -- to thaw the icy atmosphere, there was
only one thing to do: tolerate the situation for as long as he could.
He briefly considered another option, leaving his new home, but
rejected it because he didn't want to live on the streets.

He woke up Sunday morning alone.  Apparently, Brian had slept
again on the sofa.  That strongly suggested that the troubled teen
didn't want any contact.  Was it because of guilt over the sex they
had?  Eric simply didn't know ... and had been unsuccessful in all
attempts to find out.

<><><><><>

Brian's parents were due to arrive home just past seven that
evening.  Eric wondered what their reaction would be to their
son's dramatic transformation from a happy young man to an
aloof person whose antipathy toward his friend was obvious.

Mrs. Winston called in the early afternoon to say that their flight
from Sacramento had been cancelled, they would try to get
another flight, and don't expect them home until possibly very late
... or even the next day.  Eric deduced the message on the basis
of Brian's side of the conversation but nevertheless inquired,
"Your parents have a problem with the flight home?"

Brian grunted, "Yeah.  As if you cared!"

"Of course I care, Brian.  I don't want to see people I like having
trouble ... just like it upsets me when you obviously have a
problem with something and won't talk about it."

"HAD a problem!" Brian snarled.  "But I've solved it.  And I don't
need you pestering me about it!"

"Have it your way, then.  But know that I'm willing to help if I can."

Brian erupted.  "I don't need your help, shithead!  I can get along
perfectly well by myself!  WITHOUT YOU!"

The implication of the last sentence was like a dagger in Eric's
heart.  He had been clinging to the hope that Brian would get over
whatever it was that upset him and the damage to their friendship
could be repaired.  "What's that mean -- without me?" he asked.

"It means what I said!" Brian snarled.  "It means I'm better off
without you.  But you're here so I guess I have to live with you
being around."

Eric suspected but refused to believe that he was the cause of his
buddy's problem.  He couldn't think of anything he had done to
cause the irritability and angry outbursts.  But what he had just
heard was undeniable proof that he had done something ... he did
not know what -- to alienate Brian.  Without anticipating the
consequences, he asked, "Do you want me to leave?"

"YES!  The front door is right over there.  I don't give a flying fuck
where you go but don't come back."

Eric, stunned into speechlessness and emotionally devastated,
went upstairs.  And sobbed.  His best friend -- the one who
rescued him for his drunken father, the one with whom he had
developed such a rapport and affection, the one to whom he had
eagerly given his virginity -- was effectively ordering him out of
the house that had become his home.  He faced the dismal plight
once more of homelessness.

Brian retreated to the basement recreation room and released a
torrent of tears.  He hated himself for being so cruel to Eric.
Unsuccessfully, he tried to justify his unforgivable actions with the
logic he had used to choose education and a career over the one
guy who might have become a loving partner.


Chapter 6: DÉJÀ VU ALL OVER AGAIN

Eric was finally able to stop crying and think about his
predicament.  He still had no clue about why Brian was so upset
or why he'd been ordered to leave.  What he did know, however,
was that he was no longer welcome to stay.  If he did, both he
and Brian would be miserable.  His parents had been very kind
and would likely continue to acting in loco parentis but he was
unwilling to stay if it meant continuation of the friction with Brian
and disruption of the family.  As unpleasant as it was, there was
only one thing to do: leave.

As he had done before when his father ordered him to leave, he
gathered up some of his clothes and a few small items that were
important to him.  He put them in a large plastic trash bag.  That
and his backpack, filled with school books and papers, were all he
could carry.  He considered saying goodbye to Brian but rejected
the idea because it would only trigger another outburst.  In
addition, he didn't know whether he could remain composed
because beneath the anguish of being treated harshly, there were
still dying embers of affection for his friend who once had been a
very pleasant companion.  Instead, he wrote a brief note:
I'm gone.  For good.  I'll miss you.  At least the way you were
once.
I can't take all my things.  Do with them what you want.
Eric
P.S.  Thank your parents for their kindness and hospitality.

He left the house quietly and started walking.  To where, he didn't
know.


Brian's parents arrived home at four-thirty Monday morning from
Sacramento. Mrs. Winston went straight to bed, thinking her two
"sons" were sleeping and wouldn't want to be disturbed.  Dr.
Winston showered, fixed and ate a big breakfast, and left the
house at six to make his hospital rounds before his first patient's
appointment in his office at nine.  It was not until seven Monday
evening, at dinner, that the obvious question arose: "Where's
Eric?" Mrs. Winston asked.

Brian was prepared with an answer, one that would explain Eric's
disappearance and most likely lessen his parents' displeasure at
losing their `second son'.  "We had an argument," Brian said with
fake sadness.  "I'm afraid it got pretty ugly.  He stormed out of the
house yesterday morning.  I don't know where he went."

What was the argument about?" his father asked.  "It must have
been serious."

"Yes, it was."  Brian shrugged his shoulders and dropped his head
but said no more.

"Come on, Brian," his mother urged.  "Tell us what it was about
and why he left."

The young man hesitated before saying, "I woke up yesterday
morning and Eric was...."  He stopped talking.

"Was what?" both of his parents demanded.

"He had his hand inside my underwear.  He was fondling my
penis.  I pulled away from him and jumped out of bed.  I asked
him why he was doing it.  He just grinned at me.  That made me
mad.  He said as long as I had an erection he could take care of it
for me.  I was shocked and told him NO WAY.  He begged me to
let him.  He wanted -- this part isn't nice -- he wanted to suck my
penis.  I told him I didn't want any part of homosexual stuff.  He
kept pleading with me.  I called him a queer fag.  Then HE got
mad.  We shouted at each other for a while.  Then he got dressed
and left."

The adults were shocked.  "And you haven't seen him since
yesterday morning?" his mother asked.

"I saw him in school today ... between classes ... in the hallway.
But he saw me, too.  He turned around and walked away from
me."

"Think, Son," Dr. Winston urged.  "Where would he be likely to go
... to spend the night."

"I haven't a clue.  I know for sure he wouldn't go back to his place
because he was scared of what his dad would do to him."

"Did he have any money for food?" his mother asked.

"I think so but I didn't see him in the cafeteria at lunch today."

"I'll file a missing person report," his father said.  "He may have
perverted tastes in sex but he shouldn't have to be alone with no
place to stay."

Brian was not prepared for that idea.  Thinking fast, he said, "I
don't think that's a good idea, Dad.  I don't think Eric would want
that.  If the police or somebody else finds him, they may try to
return him to his father.  His safety and even his life may then be
in danger."  Just to strengthen his case, Brian added, "Even if it
wasn't, living with a drunken father is not what he'd want.  He told
me that many times."

Brian congratulated himself on telling a convincing lie that
explained Eric's disappearance AND (he hoped) made his
parents feel better about losing their `second son'.  At least he
had convinced them not to search for him and bring him back.  If
they did that, the temptation to be friends again, to have more
sex, and to jeopardize his long-term plans would be intolerable.

<><><><><>

Having slept in a wooded area behind the high school building, he
awoke sore from the hard ground, chilly, and hungry.  He checked
his watch.  Six forty.  He had time to piss, sneak into the building
through a rear entrance he knew would be unlocked, and freshen
up in a bathroom.  Soap, water, and paper towels were a poor
substitute for a hot shower but it was better than nothing.
Unfortunately, he had no razor so he would have to go through
the day with stubble on his face.

It was after third period, just before lunch, when he saw Brian on
his way to the cafeteria.  His former friend and might-have-been
lover exhibited obvious signs of surprise but otherwise completely
ignored Eric.  The exiled teen wanted to ask the reclusive loner
whether his parents had come home and how they were but he
didn't because he would be subjected to yet another dose of
venomous contempt.

Unlike their habit before the breakup, they sat at different tables.
For the remaining two weeks of the school year, they never spoke
and rarely made eye contact.

After his third morning camping in the woods, he snuck into the
school building to freshen up and shave.  (He had splurged on a
cheap disposable safety razor but would have to use soap from
the dispenser rather than shaving cream.)  On his way to the
bathroom, however, one of the school custodians stopped him.
"Whatcha doin' here?" he demanded.  "Ya know school ain't open
`till seven."

"So I'm a little early," Eric replied, trying not to sound belligerent or
guilty.  "That's not a problem, is it?"

"Yes, `tis," the man replied.  "But there might be a bigger problem.
I seen ya walkin' outta the woods.  Whatcha doing back there?"

"Studying nature," Eric replied.

"Bull shit!" the man shot back.  "Ya ain't the first lad who's spent
the night back yonder after a fight with his folks.  Now, ya gonna
be honest with me?"

Eric weighed his options.  He could stick to his story but he was
convinced the man wouldn't believe it.  He could tell the truth and
beg for understanding.  In spite of the man's overt gruffness, Eric
knew from past experience that he was basically a soft-hearted
person so he confessed, "Okay.  I'm living back there.
Temporarily.  You see, I left my first home because my Dad got
mean when he was drunk and that was every night.  I stayed at a
friend's house for a while.  But I can't do that now.  I'd rather not
explain why.  Let's just say I'm not welcome there anymore."

The custodian softened his tone considerably and asked, "How
old are ya, Son?"

"Eighteen."

"Pity.  If'n ya was younger, Family Services would find a place for
ya to stay.  Come with me."

"Where are we going?" Eric asked.

"To the kitchen in the cafeteria if it makes any difference.  Now
come on.  We don't have much time."

In the dimly-lit kitchen, the man said, "I reckon if'n ya got no
money for a place to stay, ya prob'ly got not much for food."  He
took two cheese sandwiches and two small cartons of milk out of
the refrigerator.  "Stuff these in yur backpack, Sonny.  At least yur
gonna have something to eat.  It ain't much but maybe it'll help."

The kindly man was right; Eric had little to eat for three days and
was down to his last fifteen dollars and seventy-nine cents.
"Thank you, Sir," Eric said.  "But I don't want to get you in trouble."

"Let me worry `bout that.  Now listen up.  Tomorrow, I'll be waitin'
for ya with somethin' a bit more hearty.  Why yur in this pickle is
none of my business an' if'n ya don't wanna talk `bout it, that's
okay.  But I don't wanna see a fine young man waste away to
nothin'."

For the remaining few days of the school year, Eric was supplied
with food by the friendly custodian -- not in abundance but easily
enough for two meals a day.  During that time, he saw Brian at
school frequently but they never spoke.  Also during that time, his
grieving over having lost his home diminished.  As did his former
affection for Brian.  However, he would carry the painful memories
of being ejected from the house forever ... along with his
confusion about what made Brian do it.

On the last day of school, Eric met the custodian (whose name he
learned was Stan) as he entered the school well before the time it
normally opened.  "Whatcha gonna do now that school's over and
yur graduatin'?" he asked.

"Get a job.  A paycheck.  A place to live."

"I got a suggestion," Stan said.  "For a place to live, I mean.  My
next door neighbor is an old man.  Lives alone.  All crippled up
with arthur-itis.  A college kid has been takin' care o' him but he
graduated and is movin' back East with a new job.  That leaves
the old man with nobody to help `im `cause he can't afford to hire
nobody.  Fix meals.  Get dressed.  Get in and outta the tub.  Stuff
like that.  If'n ya like, I'll talk to `im.  He can't pay ya but he'll let
you stay in a spare bedroom if'n ya would help him.  Before and
after yur regular job, that is.  Would ya be interested in that?"

It was a "no-brainer" for Eric and he said, "I sure would, Stan."

Stan grinned.  "Meet me at the back door -- the one ya always
sneak in through -- when I get off work at five.  I'll take ya to his
place so's ya can meet each other."

Lady luck -- and Stan's compassion -- solved Eric's increasingly
difficult problem of where to live.

<><><><><>

The high school graduation was full of inspirational speeches,
excited graduates, and proud parents and relatives.  No one in
the audience was more proud than Dr. and Mrs. Winston.  Their
son, in spite of being a social outcast, had persevered the taunts
of snobbish classmates and the loneliness of isolation to earn his
diploma ... with honors.  And he would be attending MIT in the fall.

Their joy and pride was tempered, however, by nagging worries
about the fate of Eric, their `second son', who had survived an
abusive and emotionally wrenching ordeal but maintained his
resolve to finish school.  They strongly disapproved of his sexually
accosting Brian but were nevertheless concerned about his
welfare.

Unlike nearly all of the graduating class, neither Brian nor Eric
attended any graduation parties.  Eric did not even attend the
graduation ceremony largely because he had no money to rent
the cap and gown.  He regretted not being able to attend because
it had been the goal that motivated him to stay in school in spite of
the difficulties he faced -- two periods of homelessness and the
problems with his father and with Brian.  But he consoled himself
with the knowledge that he had graduated.  And that he had
shelter (He didn't consider it a "home.") and a job.

Perhaps his future would be brighter than his teen years.  But he
didn't realize at the time the surprising turn of events that would
shape his future.

To be continued

AUTHOR'S NOTE:  Iatia's thorough editing and his valuable
suggestions deserve recognition and appreciation.