Date: Fri, 7 Dec 2012 22:09:33 +0000
From: S. W <s.watkins@live.co.uk>
Subject: With Regret Chapter 1 (Revised)

Chapter 1

I nibbled passionately at his neck while letting my hands roam over his
firm, slender body.

He started running his fingers through my short wavy hair as he tilted his
head back and groaned deeply.

Unfortunately we were in a toilet cubicle, which lacked both comfort and
space. Nonetheless it was our only option, because I had a man at home.

I'd literally known this guy for a few minutes before asking him to meet me
in the toilets. He was gorgeous and up for it and that's all I needed right
now.

I'd come to this bar after work every day for the last year. My boyfriend
thought I finished work at 5, but I finished at 4 and usually came here for
a quickie before going home. It was a low key gay bar on the way home from
work where there was always someone to hook up with.

Perfect.

I fastened up my trousers and gave him a kiss on the cheek before leaving
the cubicle.

I washed my hands and face before brushing my hair into place with my
fingers. Luckily I had some deodorant in the car to drown out the smell of
sex and another mans cologne on my suit.

I left the bar and got in my car. I gave myself a quick squirt of Lynx
before setting off home.

Home to my boyfriend Jacob.

I may have been a serial cheat; but it wasn't due to Jacob. Jacob was
perfect in every way possible. We'd been together for about three years and
lived together for two.

We got on brilliantly. He really understood me. He always seemed to know
what I needed, whether that be some space, a hug or even just a cup of
coffee. Jacob was definitely an incredible boyfriend. He was great at
making me laugh and was absolutely stunning.

The most gorgeous man I'd ever seen; with short dark hair, tanned skin,
luminous green eyes, sharp cheekbones and a slim toned body. Gorgeous.

Even his voice was perfect –it was so soft and sexy. I could listen to
him talk for hours; I would just lose myself in his voice. Jacob sounded
even sexier when he moaned during sex, incredible infact!

I often felt guilty for cheating on Jacob. But I just couldn't seem to help
myself; I loved the excitement of having forbidden sex. The thrill of
trying to cover my tracks was amazing and I couldn't get enough of it.

Apart from cheating on Jacob, I treated him right in every other way. I
enjoyed taking him out and spoiling him and I constantly gave him
affection. I always did what I could to make him feel good, because I would
be nothing without him.

I parked outside our home and as always when I looked at our house, I felt
proud of Jacob and I. We'd worked our arses off to get this place. It was
lovely and most importantly, it was ours.

I made my way inside and as soon as I got through the door my loving Jacob
greeted me.

"Hey Phil!" he exclaimed while wrapping his arms around me, "Had a good
day?"

I pulled him into a tentative kiss before replying.

"Yeah, but I've missed you constantly." I smiled at him.

He was adorable. He had this cheeky grin that would make my heart melt.

"Bless you," he chuckled, "come get your tea."

I followed him into the dining room and on the way I could see he'd done
the housework yet again. The house was spotless!

He really was the perfect boyfriend. I honestly couldn't have asked for any
better then Jacob.

Once we got into the dining room I saw he'd cooked beef bourguignon. One of
my favorites!

I wrapped my arms around his waist and kissed him on the cheek.

"Thank you." I whispered into his ear, while taking in his sweet scent.

As we sat down and ate I noticed Jacob seemed nervous and fidgety.

"Everything ok?" I questioned.

"Yeah..." He said hesitantly, before suddenly sounding guilty,
"well...would you mind if I popped out for a bit after tea? Just for a
couple of hours, I won't if you don't want me to, it's just my Dad's asked
me to go round and help with setting up his internet..."

I couldn't help but chuckle at his innocence. He always seemed to feel bad
about wanting to go out, even if it was just to his parents house.

"I keep telling you Jacob, you don't need my permission," I giggled, "I
don't mind at all."

"Sorry." He blushed.

He looked so adorable when he blushed.

"This tastes great by the way." I told him with a big smile.

Jacob smiled shyly back at me.

He always got embarrassed when I complimented him. He was really insecure
which surprised me, because he was really good-looking and just so bloody
perfect. Jacob had no reason to be insecure; he was incredibly kind and
generous and caring and funny. If he wanted to he could literally go out
and get anyone he wanted. You'd have to be blind and stupid to not
appreciate Jacob. I felt like the luckiest man alive to have him in my
life.

That may seem odd considering I regularly have sex with other men, but my
habit had nothing to do with Jacob, I did it purely for my own excitement.

Very unfair I know, but I just couldn't seem to stop.

As soon as I cleared my plate Jacob took it from me and went into the
kitchen. I followed him and as he washed up I gently kissed his neck. I
loved the taste and smell of his skin, and the softness of his hair. After
making love I'd lay his head on my chest and stroke his hair until we both
fell asleep.

Making love to Jacob was definitely the best sex I'd experienced. Not only
because he was unbelievably beautiful and his moans sent shivers down by
spine but because...well just because. Sex with Jacob was so different
compared to having it with anyone else, purely because it was with him. It
was special and meaningful and with someone I loved.

"I'm going to get going then Phil," he said softly, "I shouldn't be too
long."

"Ok babe," I said while turning him around so I could hug him tightly. "I
can't wait to get in bed with you tonight."

He pressed his lips to mine ever so softly; I held his face and kissed him
back passionately.

I felt him pull me in closer.

It wasn't long until we were getting breathless.

I wanted to have him right there.

I attempted to pull Jacobs top off but he stopped me.

"I need to get to my Dads," he whimpered into our kiss, "but we'll finish
this when I get back."

`But I'm horny now' is what I wanted to say, but instead I just slowly
pulled away from kissing him and looked adoringly into his stunning eyes.

His eyes seemed to glaze over and his lips looked redder whenever he got
turned on, making him look even sexier.

"I love you so much." I whispered.

Jacob showed me a massive cheeky grin.

"Love you too Phil, more than anything."

I gave him a quick peck on the lips before letting him leave the kitchen to
get his shoes on. I took my phone out my pocket as I followed him into the
hallway.

Butterflies flooded my stomach as I text a `sex buddy' to come round, while
watching Jacob putting his shoes on.

Yes, not only do I go around sleeping with strangers, I also have friends
who I meet up with for sex.

Jacob kissed me softly and then called "See you soon" as he left the house.

Fuck I felt so horny.

I couldn't wait to get in bed with Jacob tonight, but the thought of having
a sneaky encounter in the meantime was electrifying.

I checked my phone and luckily I had a reply to say they'd be five minutes.

Brilliant!

I quickly popped out to my car to get a condom out of the glove box
–fortunately Jacob and I had separate cars and if we ever went out
together, we went out in his.

I shoved one into my pocket and made my way back inside. I waited eagerly
in the hallway for a knock on the door.

I'd invited John who was one of many sex buddies. He was around late
twenties, same as me, and very handsome. Tall and muscular with short black
hair.

I took off my suit jacket and hung it up near the front door just as
someone knocked on it. I called for them to come in and the sexy, confident
John came through the door with a devilish grin.

He shut the door behind him and straightaway grabbed my tie to pull me in
for a kiss.

Fuck yeah!

"Upstairs," I moaned into the kiss, "can't be longer than twenty minutes."

I liked taking risks but twenty minutes was always the limit when anyone
came to the house.

With that we made our way upstairs and into mine and Jacobs bedroom.



While having sex with John I completely lost myself in the moment, so much
that when I heard the door open, it didn't register who had probably opened
it.

I continued while I slowly turned to see who was in the doorway.

Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw.

Nothing.

I had never seen so much pain in someone's eyes before. My full body froze
as I saw Jacob standing there, his expression looked full of inconsolable
hurt. He looked utterly devastated, with tears streaming down his face.

Seeing that caused me a sudden stab of unbearable pain.

What the fuck had I done.

Jacob darted out of the room and I quickly pulled my trousers up before
chasing after him. My heart was pounding.

No no no no no no no, I thought to myself while running down the stairs.

"Jacob!" I choked out as I saw him leave through the front door.

I followed him out onto the street and tried to grab him before he could
get in his car, but I failed.

As soon as he got in he locked the doors.

Fuck!

He was out of my reach.

"Jacob, please!" I begged while hitting the door window, "Jacob!"

He can't leave. We need to talk about this. There's no way he can leave!

I couldn't see his face as he started up the car, but a part of me didn't
even want to. I couldn't stand the sight of the pain that was clearly
written allover it.

I continued to shout his name as he drove off and sped down the street.

I pulled at my hair out of frustration. Tears were now pouring down my face
and my body was trembling.

Pain coursed through my veins overwhelming my whole body along with guilt
and regret.

How the fuck could I have let myself hurt Jacob like that?

Fuck.

I ran back inside the house and saw John coming downstairs.

I glared evilly at him as he walked past me and left. I knew he'd not done
anything wrong, but I felt angry with him nonetheless.

I didn't know what to do. I was in a complete state and I felt terrified at
the thought of losing Jacob.

Jacob was the best thing that had ever happened to me. I suddenly couldn't
see why I'd ever risked jeopardizing our relationship.

I dug my phone out and tried to call Jacob, but there was no answer. I
tried to call a further seven times before giving up and chucking my phone
on the stairs. I went into the living room and slumped on the sofa, burying
my head in my hands.

I kept trying to find excuses I could give Jacob while I sat there sobbing.
But I couldn't think of anything plausible, considering what he'd just
seen.

But I needed to find a way to keep him. I could barely breathe and felt
ready to vomit when I thought about him leaving me, no longer loving me or
even speaking to me.

There was no way I was going to let that happen.