Date: Fri, 25 Nov 2005 18:55:12 +0100
From: A.K. <andrej@andrejkoymasky.com>
Subject: Alain's Diary - 11/14 (adult-youth)

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ALAIN'S DIARY
by Andrej Koymasky (C) 2005
written on October 8th, 1990
translated by the author
English text kindly revised
by Dave

-----------------------------

USUAL DISCLAIMER

"ALAIN'S DIARY" is a gay story, with some parts
containing graphic scenes of sex between males. So, if in your land,
religion, family, opinion and so on this is not good for you, it will be
better not to read this story. But if you really want, or because YOU
don't care, or because you think you really want to read it, please be
my welcomed guest.

-----------------------------

Part 12


February 10th 1974, Sunday

Babette accepted us. Jac was right and anyway it happened thanks to him.
She told me she wanted to meet Jac alone, so yesterday he took me home.
They greeted each other in a formal way, especially Babette. Then, while
she and Jac went for a ride, I stayed at home with the children. They
were away for four hours and while time was passing I was feeling a
growing stomach ache. I don't know what they told each other, but when
at last I heard Jac car stopping out of our house, I wanted to run out
to see, to know, but I waited inside with my heart into my mouth.
Babette came in and smiled at me and behind her there was Jac, also
smiling. Babette came near me, kissed me on my forehead and said, "Jac
is fantastic. I'm happy for you, Alain. Forgive me for these past few
days. I love you both." And I started crying for the relief and for the
happiness and she embraced me very tight and repeated in a low voice,
"all right, big brother, all right." Then she said, "You'll have supper
with us, then Jac will take you to St. Etienne. I think you'll need to
talk in peace."

All long the supper I was feeling weird, I was tense, happy, I was
trembling. Then Babette saw us at the door and gave a small kiss to me
and one to Jac. So, at last alone he and I, he told me that he explained
everything to Babette and answered to all her questions and that she,
although very tense at the beginning, wanted to talk with him to really
understand, and not to judge. And Jac told me that Babette is
extraordinary, very sweet and that she really loves and cares for me a
lot. And now he too loves her. He said that Babette has been able to
revise all her opinions and prejudice and did understand and accepted
the fact we are in love, so that at the end she told him, "after all now
we are like brothers in law, even if nobody knows that." Then Jac
embraced her and told her, "Yes we are brothers in law, you and me."
Then Babette told him, "Do your best to make Alain happy. He needs that
and deserves it. He is good hearted and so sweet, and he is my big
brother." Then he said to her, "The only thing I care about is making
Alain happy."

Then Jac asked me, "but you are happy, aren't you?"

Yes, I'm happy, so very happy. Thanks to you, Jac, my great love.


Feb. 17, '74, Sun.

As usual I can write on this diary only when Jac is asleep or absent.
Now I am at home, Babette is somewhere around with Chris, her boyfriend,
Corinne took Did" to the movies, Mum is on her bed, and here near me E &
E are playing.

Mum is always the same - abulic, she almost doesn't speak, stays for
hours in front of the TV but seems she doesn't really look at the
programs. But she wants it always on. Jac took her to Lyon for a visit
by famous specialists, but they also said she has nothing. It's a
mystery. One of the doctors said it is for sure a psychiatric problem -
he says that Mum is letting herself die and that if it is not her
wanting to react, we can do nothing. So, I thought it is really that
way: if Jac died before me, I would let myself die just like mum is
doing... I don't know. But this is very sad, really unfair for the
people around you; who loves you.

Yesterday evening Babette was saying me that she and Chris are starting
to plan to marry. I told her that if they love each other and are sure
of their love, they are right to plan to marry. She says that perhaps
they are still a little too young. Then asks me, "and then, there is a
problem. If Chris doesn't accept and love also you with Jac, I don't
want to marry him." I then said to her, "but you cannot tell him about
us two, just think if he talked around. Not for me. But for Jac it could
become a big mess." And she said, "For him no more than for you. Even
less, I think, as he lives in St. Etienne, not here in the village like
you."

At this point I had to tell her who Jac really is. She opened her eyes
wide, "the boss' son? He is a Boisselet, to see him; so simple guy... I
guessed he should have a good life, but... And I treated him with such
informality, and..." "Sure you treat him without formality, he is
family, now, isn't he?" "Well, yes... Good, I will think about that.
Don't worry I'll never make a mess for Jac. But, if we have to marry,
I've to be sure that Chris shares with me all the most important things
and my family, hence also you and Jac, who are the most important thing
in the world, for me." Babette is really a darling. I told her, "Do as
you feel, but be careful."

-----

I stopped writing because Philippe came to see me alone. He said that he
split with Paolo, because he went back to live in Italy, but then told
me that his wife got a lover and wants to leave him. I asked him if his
wife understood about him, but he said no. He said he found out that his
wife had that other man for two years and that if up to now she didn't
yet leave him it is only because their child was too young, and that the
other man doesn't want the child in his way. So I asked him, "but then,
will she leave Charles with you?" And he said, "I'm happy to keep my son
with me. Now, while I'm at work, I can take him to the nursery-school,
and soon he will start the primary school." "Possibly you weren't giving
her the sex she needed..." "No. I always satisfied her, never neglected
or disregarded her. And she doesn't accuse me of lack of good sex. She
just says that this other is her mister right. And then, the proof that
it's not my fault is that her mother keeps my part and is hopping mad
with my wife. But, after all, I'm glad she leaves me, at least I can
start to live my life without too many problems. I'll willingly accord
her the divorce. She can marry with this other man. I hope to find an
all right boy to settle with, someone like you; an earnest boy." And I
said, "It will not be easy, with Charles to grow up." And he replied,
"All the better. So I can see who really wants to seriously stay with
me, and not just to have fun."

But I got the impression that Philippe is somewhat sad, or worried. If
at least he still had that Paolo! Then he asked me who my mysterious
boyfriend was. So, after he swore to me he would keep the secret, come
what may, I told him. He widened his eyes and said, "You're lucky, he's
rich!" and I countered. "I don't give a damn. Even if he was a beggar,
I'd love him all the same. Do you know who he is? He is that Jacques I
met at the freight-yard. Do you remember?" and told him how we could
meet again and everything. Then I showed him his picture (but not his
portrait) and he says, "Yes, you're really lucky, he's also handsome."


March 5, '74, Tues.

Jac is again in Paris. Almost certainly he will have to move to work
there, because his father wants to entrust him with those offices. He
wants to take me with him to live in Paris. On the one hand I'd like
that as there we could really live together, in the same house and not
just for some nights, every so often. It would be "our" home. But doing
so I'd be far from my family and it seems I am selfish thinking just of
my happiness and not of theirs. At the same time, being able to see Jac
even less than now would be a very sad thing. I have to discuss it with
Babette, to ask her advice. Jac doesn't insist, he doesn't want to
compel me and says he can understand my feelings. He says he will come
here every Saturday and Sunday to be with me. But to see him so little,
scares me, two days together then five days apart. If it wasn't for the
situation in my family, I'd follow him in a run, immediately. Tomorrow
I'll go to sleep at home, so that I can talk with Babette.


March 6, 1974, Wed.

Babette encouraged me, and gave me a good dressing-down! She asked me if
I'm not acting queer, "you and Jac are together, to you he has to come
before anything else, before any other person. I would not have the
slightest doubt - if I was married, I'll follow my husband! Do you love
him or not? If you really love him you have to go with him." And I,
"yes, but I'm sorry to leave you..." and she said, with a smile, "Well
thank goodness for that. That would be the last straw if you were happy
to leave us. But you have to care about him before anything else, as you
two choose each other. You've to care about his happiness. Do you
believe he would be happy going to Paris all alone?" "No, surely not," I
said. "Then, the answer is clear, it's very simple. You go to Paris with
Jac." And I returned, "But what about you, with Mum in these conditions,
and the children... you are the one to lay down your life." "What if
that is really so, it's not up to me to tell you you've got to go? We
will manage. Corinne is quite grown-up and she is judicious, and she is
starting to be a real help. You have not to worry, Alain, really. But I
love you and am happy you care so much for us. You'll go with him, all
right?"

My dear, dear Babette, Jac will be happy, and so will I.



March 8th, '74, Friday

Today Jac called me at the office and I let him understand I'll go to
Paris with him. He seemed crazy for the happiness. He said he will start
at once to look for a house. He will be here next week, on Tuesday
evening, and asked me to wait for him at rue S.te Foi. Then he asked me,
"how is your little brother?" and I, "who, Did"? He's fine, why?" he
starts laughing and says, "No, the other one I know a lot better..." I
then understand and answer, "He's a little down. At times I ill-use him
to keep him up, but he makes me understand he would like better being
caressed, kissed by you and not ill-used by me." And he, amused, "yeah,
I can guess. Listen, tell him to have some more patience, and then I'll
come and make him amuse himself, and play a lot. Tell him I'll take him
to the pleasure ground, on the slide, on the swing, and also inside the
tunnel of mysteries or where else he likes." And I said, "You promise?"
and he said, "Sure! You know how much I love your little brother, don't
you?" then I, "I hope being able to return all your kindness... on his
behalf."


March 12, '74, Tuesday

I'm waiting for him and dying he arrives. Also my "little brother" is
longing for him, all excited!

I don't know if I've to wait for him all naked or not... Possibly it
would be better to wait for him with just my black underpants and the
black singlet, the one very tight, so it is as if I was naked, but he
has to undress me as he likes, and I too like. Yes, I'll do so - I shut
off all the lights and light all the candles, so it is more romantic.
Goodness how much I need to feel his lips, his hands and all the rest.
And mainly his beautiful pole he uses so well, and his nice little ass,
so welcoming... And also I like to hear the sound of his voice, and his
smell and his taste. To drown in his eyes, to melt at his smiles, to get
drunk with his

Here he is he's coming!


March 14th, '74, Thurs.

Today Babette came to my office, after lunch, all worked up. Mum has
been taken to the hospital as she had severe breathing problems. Jac at
once decided to take us both to the hospital with his car. We arrived,
went to see her in the intensive care then, while I was talking with the
doctor, mum made like a rattle and died, so, and passed away, Christ,
what an absurd death.

Jac was touched, but kept everything in his hands. He brought us back
home to care for the children and told us he would provide for the
funeral and all the needed papers, we have not to worry, we have better
to stay at home at least up to the day of funeral. He came back twice or
thrice to ask us something and tell us what he was deciding, then this
evening he told us that the ceremony in the church will be on Saturday
morning. Then he asked us if we needed something and told me he will be
back here tomorrow morning.

Then after we put in bed all the children, Babette and I went down in
the kitchen, and she told me, "its better this way for poor Mum. It was
no longer life, how she was. It's sad saying so, but it is the truth -
also for us now everything will be easier. But we will miss her." And we
started crying and embraced each other, very tight. Then I persuaded her
to hit her bed. But I couldn't fall asleep. Then a thought struck me -
now Mum is in heaven and she looks at us, together with Dad. Now they
both know about Jac and I, and now they possibly understand, as they are
no more tied to the prejudices of down here. Am I possibly deceiving
myself? No, I don't think so. If god exists as they taught us, and I
believe he exists, and if he is a good god, if he is love how they tell,
I must be right.

In the afternoon also Chris came and I heard he was saying to Babette,
"you're not alone, don't worry, I'm here. You know you can count on me,
don't you? Be strong, Babette, for the children. We have to care for
them, now." Well, that "we have" made me feel love for Chris. I always
thought he is a good-hearted boy, but this is one more proof. I hope
they will always love each other of a true and deep love. Mainly now
that I'll go far away, Babette needs somebody else to care, love and be
near to her. I feel that Chris is the right person.


March 16th, Saturday

I hate funerals. There are always too many people. But also Jac was
there and that was good, and, of course, Chris, then relatives, friends,
acquaintances, neighbors, onlookers and fuck them all. But the parish
priest said really nice words. And now everything is over. I asked
Babette to be now the family alone, including Chris and Jac, of course.
It is the first time they meet. Chris seems to be a little uneasy with
Jac, because to him he is only my boss at work. Actually I know that
Babette didn't yet tell him, or else she would have let me know.

I came upstairs with the pretext to change my clothes, and now I have to
go back downstairs.


Wednesday, March 19th, 1974

Jac is again in Paris and I will reach him on the 22nd. Thus, I'll stay
for some days at home with Babette, as I don't need to go to the office
here at the mine. Babette told me she is talking with Chris about Jac
and me, but still without telling names.

I mean, she says that yesterday she asked him, as if it was just a talk
for the sake of talking, what he thinks about two men making sex
together. She says that Chris answered, "What do you want I can think?
The same of a man and a woman having sex: it could be a beautiful, a
clean, a dirty or a dingy thing. It depends only by the two." Then
Babette said, "But people say that between two males it's always a
wrong, a bad thing." And he, quietly, "people say lot of bullshit." Then
she, "all right, but... what if a day we find out that one of our
children is that way? What do you think we have to do?" and he, "What
would we have to do? Nothing. Well, if he is one of those who dresses
like a girl and sells himself on the street, there are people like that,
you know, I'll feel badly and we can try to help him to stop. The same
if he is one of those who try to seduce children. But if he has sex with
one of his age, or if both are grown up, as we are, for instance, if he
wants to have a boyfriend, I'll just tell him to do as he feels like.
I'll ask him just to be sure the other is a good-hearted boy..."

Then Babette asked him, "but do you think that two men, or two women,
can also be in love with each other, really in love as you and I?"
Babette told me that Chris looked at her in amazement and answered,
"Sure thing! Why, aren't they humans like any other? If you and I love
each other, they can love each other exactly the same, cannot they? They
aren't little green aliens!"

Babette was happy and said that Chris is really open-minded and
intelligent. And I told her, "yes, but more than that he is honest and
good-hearted." Then she asked me, "can I now tell him about you?" and I,
"Do as you feel best. But be still careful about Jac, please, don't tell
Chris about him." And she, "yes, of course, I understand."

Then today, when they met, she told him that all those questions she
asked him yesterday were because I am gay. She told me that Chris looked
at her and said, "What's that, don't you trust me? If Alain is that way,
to me he is exactly as before. I just hope he is happy and can live his
life peacefully. You have not to worry, Babette, nothing changes for me,
really nothing at all. I liked him before, I like him now."

Then Babette says that now we can also tell Chris I am Jac's boyfriend,
but she likes better if it's me to tell him directly. I told her I have
first to ask Jac if he agrees, and Babette said this is right.


March 22nd '74, Friday

I'm on the train to Paris. Babette and Chris saw me to the station.
Then, while Babette was going to buy me a bottle of Perrier, I said to
Chris, "I know that Babette told you about me." And he says, "Yes. I
hope you are not upset." And I, "No, I like you a lot; as I see you
really love my sister." And he, "I too like you a lot, Alain. To me, you
are the same Alain, I admired you since I first met you; you are great."
Then I asked him, "did you already decide when to marry?" and he, "not
yet, but we are talking about that. Specially now, I think that the
sooner the better, so that she doesn't feel lonely." And I ask, "is
there some reason why you have to marry in haste?" he blushes and says,
"No, no. I... I confess it, we already make love, but with all the
precautions. I love her very much and respect her." "Very good, marry
her soon." "Yes, I hope. You will not oppose if we take the children
with us, will you?" "On the contrary, I'll be glad. But do you feel like
having on your shoulder a full family at once? I mean, there are no
problems for money, I'll continue to provide for them. But the
responsibility, the weight of four children..." "If you managed, Alain,
then I too can manage, don't you think so?" he says with a smile. "Yes,
I'm sure..." I answered.

Then Babette is back. I ask her, "when you marry, did you already think
where to live?" and Babette, "no, not yet." And I, "you can stay at our
home, it is wide enough. What do you think?" and Babette, "if that's
good for Chris, it'll be good for me too."

When I boarded the train, she hugged me and kissed on my cheeks, and
also Chris who told me, "Give us news of yourself, and write to us." And
I to him, "you too, write me, please."


March 23rd, '74, Saturday

Paris. For the moment we stay at a hotel, but on Monday I'll go with Jac
to see the flat he thinks to buy for us. I told Jac about Chris and he
is glad and says there are no problems if I tell Chris about him. Jac
fills me with care, overwhelms me with attention and I ask myself if I'm
doing enough for him. I hope so. Anyway he seems happy being with me.

Ah, I forgot to write that last week I passed the driving test, thus in
a while I'll get the driving license. So, with Jac's car, driving both
in turn, we can cover Paris - St. Etienne road in a short time.

Then today Jac told me that we have to put a telephone at Babette's
house, so we can communicate each time we desire. It is a very good
idea. He really thinks of everything, my Jac. He is so dear!


March 26, '74, Tuesday

We saw the house; it's a wide and bright flat at the last floor of a
modern building, with a roof garden and private lift! I told him it is
wonderful, but too luxurious. He says that if I like it, we will take
it. Then he brought me to the notary to register the flat to both of us.
I told him, "but the money is yours." And he, "but we are together, a
couple, therefore everything has to belong to both of us. When two
decide to live together they have to share everything, not only a bed,
also the money. To me, it's a lot more precious my body and my sexuality
than my money. Therefore, if you accept my body and my love, why
wouldn't you accept also my money?"

With his reasoning, my sweet Jac diddles me. At the end I've always to
admit he is right.

Now we have to think about having it furnished, and he wants we decide
everything together. What I like of that flat up there is that it is
taller than any other building around, so we can enjoy full freedom,
also with all the windows open and even naked in the roof garden if we
like. Nobody can see us, as he pointed out. I love that idea, free like
on our atoll, but quite in the center of Paris!

Sometimes, while we are working together, I look at him and each time I
see he is so beautiful that I stand spellbound to look at him. At this
point I should have become accustomed, but on the contrary it's not so.
I am all the better for this.


Friday the 29th of March '74

Bingo!

This morning we went to the office early. We are going up the stairs,
when Jac says, "love... I need you... now..." One can imagine if I can
say no. Anyway we're alone, the two clerks come later and to enter they
must ring the bell as the entrance door is closed. Thus, as we entered
in our office, we just pushed the office door close and we were in each
other arms. We exchange a long and deep kiss, we press against each
other, we rub each other, I open his shirt and bite gently his tits
while caressing his fly already well swollen... when the office door
opens and we have in front Boisselet father who possibly was there
already and we didn't know he was in Paris.

I became stiff like a pole, Jac parts a little from me, but holds me
near him with his arm around my shoulders and his father stands on the
door with two icy eyes and says to Jac, "right here you had to perform
your obscenities? Send him away, now, we have to talk." I tremble from
head to toe. Jac, on the contrary, seems calm and, always keeping me
near him, says, "No. Alain remains here with me. And we weren't doing
obscenities as you say. He is my boyfriend." His father half-closes his
eyes, then says, "if you want to amuse yourself in... in that way, as
long as you don't stir up a scandal, do as you please. I'm somewhat
disappointed to discover I have a pederast son, but any man has his own
pleasures and his own vices. But now pay him and send him away. If you
want to see him again, ask him to go at your place after work."

Then Jac says, "Dad, you now apologize to Alain. He and I are in love,
and we live together. I told you he is my boyfriend, not a mercenary, I
forbid you to talk like that." What amazes me is that Jac is resolute
but calm, quiet.

His father asks him, "but where did you find him?" and Jac, "Alain
D_traz is my private secretary for several months, you know that."
Mister Boisselet looks at me then says, "Ah, I see, is he the young
D_traz? I thought you offered him that job to help his family, and not
to persuade the boy to come in bed with you. I didn't think you were so
sneaky and depraved, I believed you were different. And you, young man,
are not ashamed selling yourself in that way?"

Jac squeezed me a little stronger and said, "Dad, or you change your
attitude, or else I'll go away from here. You are offending me, and the
person I love, without any reason." "You love! With whom you fuck, in
case." "For sure, dad, exactly as you fuck with Mum. But there is a
difference! We two are in love and on the contrary, you two stay
together without love and only for appearances. You two are way more
immoral than Alain and I!" His father then rises a little his voice and
says, "I forbid you to judge me and your mother!" and Jac, always calm,
"And then you cannot judge Alain and me. If you still want you and me to
work together, you have to respect us. I regret you are so annoyed I'm
gay, but I cannot help." And his father, "no, if you are gay, it's not
my matter. What you do in your bed and with whom, is not my matter. But
you cannot demand me I welcome that one like if he was your wife, can
you?" "Sure, he's not my wife, in case he is my husband, as he is a
male. I don't demand you to like that, but, willy-nilly, if you still
want to have to do with me, you have to accept, and even more to
respect, also my Alain. I don't need your money, your mines. If you
don't accept, I can always look for another work. It's up to you to make
a decision. The problem is yours, not mine."

His father looks at him, somewhat sullen, sighs, and then says to me,
"would you please accept my apologies for my previous behavior, young
man?" I feel so tense, and scared, and confused that I'm not able to
answer, to talk. Then his father continues, "Catching you two in that
way, without suspecting anything, I must confess, upset me. But... if
you two are a couple, I cannot but to get accustomed. If yours is not
just an adventure but something really serious, I cannot but accept it,
whether I like it or not. Just one prayer I have - try not to stir up a
scandal, together with my son. As long as you, young man, behave in a
correct way in public, you will always be... accepted. In private...
it's not my matter."

I nod, then, with a voice so thin that it seems to find difficult to
come out, I say, "Mister Boisselet, even though it can be difficult to
you to imagine such a thing, I really love your son and will never do
anything that can embarrass him or become a problem to him. And... I'm
the secretary of your son because I work hard and perform my office
duties and in this way I earn my salary. The fact that I make love with
him has nothing to do with my work and with the money I earn from your
firm, please, believe me. If there is one thing that my dad taught me
before he died, is honesty, at any cost. I didn't make a fool of your
Jean Luc, and he didn't make a fool of me. When we first met he didn't
know who I was and I didn't know who he was, and we fell in love with
each other before we understood who we were. I'm sorry if you don't
judge me in a good way only because I am gay and because I am in love
with your son. I would like being valued for what I'm worth and not
for what I do in bed, if you don't mind." I said more or less these
words all in one breath and at the end I had to stop because I was
shocked and was trembling and near crying, but didn't want Jac to be
ashamed of me.

His father looked at me for a while and I managed not to remove my gaze
from his eyes. Then he says, "all right, young man. I apologized. I
possibly judged you too in haste and wrongly. We will have time and
occasion to know each other, as I see, because I have absolutely no
intention to renounce to the collaboration of my son. I'm a worldly-wise
man and if you are worthy, I'll accept and respect you. But now, let's
go to my office, we have work to do." Then Jac asked me, "Do you feel
like it, Alain?" And I replied, "yes, sure." And we went in the other
room, in the father's office.

Slowly I regained certain self-control. The father, while discussing
with his son, at times asked me to fetch some papers and called me
D_traz. Then when what he had to do was over, he left, greeting me with
politeness, as if I was only his son's secretary, shaking my hand and
saying "see you, D_traz" in a totally normal tone.

When we were again alone, Jac embraced me and asked, "How do you feel,
my love?" "Better." And he said, "You were fantastic. You'll see
everything will be ok. Dad can be rude, weird, but he is a pragmatist
and anyway he is an honest man. I really believe, as he knows you
better, that you will have no more problems. But I didn't think he took
so quietly the discovery I'm gay."


April 2nd, '74, Monday

I met again twice mister Boisselet. He behaves with propriety, in a
tranquil way, so that I too am starting to behave with him more
naturally. Jac is even tenderer with me than before, if possible.

-----------------------------

CONTINUES IN PART 13

-----------------------------

In my home page I've put some more of my stories. If someone wants to
read them, the URL is
http://andrejkoymasky.com
If you want to send me feed-back, or desire to help revising my English
translations, so that I can put on-line more of my  stories in English
please e-mail at
andrej@andrejkoymasky.com
---------------------------