Date: Sun, 2 Jun 2013 19:24:14 -0700
From: D_M <mcleodwrite@gmail.com>
Subject: Alex & Timmy, Ch 4

Ch 4, Alex & Timmy


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*After our long intense day, we indulged in the universal standard for
dinner for harried people: we ordered out for pizza. I indulged my palate
and ordered a simple wood-fired pesto basil pizza imagining that Timmy
would want an alternative with pepperoni and sausage and who knows what
else. I gave him the choice and he wasn't interested. That reminded me how
very little I still knew about this young man for whom I'd fallen. It also
made me realize just how much of me and my life Timmy didn't know. *

I awoke when the sun made its way into the south window of the bedroom. The
early morning sounds in the house, so familiar, were overshadowed by a soft
snore at my left side. I stretched and felt legs entangled with mine. I
fought immediate panic, wondering what the hell I'd done, and then Tim's
hand fluttered on my chest and he snuggled against me. I breathed him in
and calmed myself. *Affirm effortlessness,* I silently intoned as I
breathed deeply and slowly. Ken's voice echoed in my mind, *When you expect
chaos, you will get it. When you dare to create a framework for challenges
that puts your faith in yourself front and center, you might just be
surprised what happens to you. YOU have the ability to shape outcomes,
Alex, so dare to keep a positive attitude. *

I laughed a lot at Ken's lessons when I was young and still felt it
important to be a cynic. But, when I secretly tried to live as he
suggested, I couldn't ignore the consistently amazing outcomes. I decided
he was right: cynicism and negativity are simply self-indulgence and not a
bit efficient. So, I drank his Kool-Aid and became a believer in my own
inner wisdom and in listening to the inner knowings of others. Times like
the one in front of me, where the possibilities for disaster are
everywhere, getting back to the most basic knowings are essential for me.
Listen, breathe, don't rush, pay attention to nuance and tell the truth.

I'd had a brainstorm during the night and I was anxious to talk with Tim
about the seeds of my idea. First, though, I was excited to simply kiss him
awake, and to file away this memory in what I deeply wish will be a
life-long series of firsts together.

As I contemplated just how to wake him, my body responded with great
enthusiasm. I nearly groaned aloud at the intensity of my erection. Between
morning need and feeling his long, hot, tight body against me, my brain was
nearly overrun by my baser urges. Tim was deeply asleep, so I gently
extricated myself and dashed to the bathroom where I recited the periodic
table in alphabetic order to get my cock down enough to take a leak.

I stood looking at Tim as he slept. His body is a fundamentally different
sort than mine. I put on muscle easily and have to watch calories if I'm
not actively engaged in a lot of physical activity. Tim is an ectomorph and
I'm a meso on the way to endo. His muscles are long and lean. His shoulders
are freakishly broad, which accentuates his small waist. I wondered how
tall he'd end up and grinning to myself, I also wondered how large his unit
would be*. *With that last thought, I decided on how to wake him.

I laid back down beside Tim and nuzzled against him, turning him on his
back. I slowly stretched and lightly began kissing his pecs, smelling his
scent under his arms, licking my way across his body. The freckles that
kiss his nose and face are actually scattered all across his body, I
realized. He stirred a bit, and made a deep, satisfied "mmmmmmm." I
centered my tongue on his small nipple, and started to suck. My hand found
his other nipple, rubbing lightly, feeling it stiffen. I teased the tiny
bud with my tongue, biting lightly, then sucking. I felt Tim's pelvis begin
to rock and grinned into his body.

Hands came to my hair, holding my head against him. "Yea, oh yea,
Alexxxxxxxxxxxxx..."

I trailed my free hand down his belly and found a pool of pre-cum on his
belly. I lightly wanked his cock and cupped his balls. I really wanted to
get them in my mouth again. I kissed my way down going butt up on my way. I
straddled him, curious what he would do when essentially presented with an
opportunity.

"Ah gawd, I imagined this a million or so times, Ale...." He didn't manage
to complete the sentence before his tongue lapped my asshole. That action
on his part created a response on my part, I took his cock down my throat
and kept my lips on his belly, massaging his cock with the tight muscles in
my throat.

"Fuck, Alex, I have to pee!"

Of course he did. That was the point of my plan. I came up off his cock to
say, "Okay, I'll let you up, but someday, I may wake you this way and
insist that you give that golden gift to me..."

I rolled off and Timmy got up, his six inches of thick young meat leading
the way to the bathroom.

He just shook his head and grinned, returning after a few minutes. He came
back to bed and I held my arms open. He snuggled down in the crook of my
neck and I said, "Did that weird you out, Timmy?"

Tim bent up to look at me and said, "Nah, it's pretty hot. It made me
realize just how much I have to learn."

"Yea, we both do, Timmy. I will do my best to not get in a hurry. I don't
ever want you to feel rushed, and most importantly, I need you to realize
that you are absolutely free to express disagreement, or to simply say no."

"Alex, I've learned over the last year to trust you. There's no difference
in trusting you with personal stuff, sex stuff. It's just definitely
cooler, because I can actually DO what I've been dreaming."

"Yea, you can," I said as a huge wave of desire raced through me. "And what
exactly HAVE you been dreaming?"

Tim blushed and stammered and said, "Maybe I can just show you. I want to
do a lot of stuff with you. I used to lie in bed and think about this. I
used to think that I wanted to do everything with you. Starting with some
stuff we already did. Mostly, I longed to kiss you, to feel you holding my
head with your hands, your fingers in my hair. Your hands are so big and
you are so strong. I wanted to feel you wrapped around me because I never
really feel ... uh ..."

"It's okay, buddy, you never feel safe, right? You want me to hold you and
kiss you and to feel safe as I hold you?"

"Yea, that's why I wanted to sit in that chair with you."

"Did it freak you out when I melted down, Timmy?" I asked, holding my breath

"Nah, because I knew you were holding on to that grief, Alex. Remember when
we met? I always could tell how sad you were. I could feel you liking me,
but there was still a big chunk of sad in you. So, I just figured you
trusted me and I felt really amazing that I was the one you cried in front
of. That made me feel like a man, Alex. Please don't feel bad about that!"

"You make my heart soar, Timmy. I love you," I said as we began kissing. We
didn't manage to get out of bed for quite some tin until Timmy's stomach
rumbled loud enough to crack us both up.

"Geez, it's getting close to noon. I woke up at 6 a.m.," I said after
licking cum off Timmy's belly after I'd teased and licked and played with
his cock and balls for what seemed to be hours. Let's shower up and go get
some dim sum. I want to tell you about my middle of the night inspiration."

I went to the garage and held the door for Tim. I went to Truck and Tim
moaned, "Aw, do we HAVE to ride around in this rust bucket?"

I laughed out loud at him and said, "The Jag uses more gas this mighty rig.
Besides, Truck helps keep my neighbors humble. They don't mind at all that
they have a GAY neighbor, but it really bugs them when I leave Truck out in
my driveway. I figure it's my duty to keep these folks from getting too
snooty."

Tim hooted and said, "My father would sooner blow Truck up than he'd have
it in their driveway. Okay, thanks, that definitely changes my perspective."

He got in Truck and leaned down and kissed the dashboard. "I hereby take
back every bad thing I ever said about you. I will honor your backfires and
less than quiet muffler, and will ride proud every mile."

I cracked up and leaned over and kissed Tim hard before we pulled from the
garage. He laid his hand on my leg as we drove and before we got to the
restaurant, I had to ask him to move it or I'd have ended up at the
restaurant with a very visible situation in my pants.

We were just past the rush at my favorite dim sum place, and we chowed down
for a few minutes before taking a breath. Tim asked, "Okay, oh brilliant
older man, what is your brainstorm that will help us escape the clutches of
the evil warlord and live happily gay everafter?"

I busted a gut right there in my prawn dumplings. After I recovered, I
said, "Let me first say that this isn't a perfect plan, and it's a bit of a
long term situation to come to fruition, but it would get us at least out
from a situation where we would not have endless scrutiny and we could
spend time together safely. My dear friend's mom is the headmistress at a
K-12 boarding school in northern New Mexico. Remember when we talked about
my baking fantasy last night? If you would be willing to go to the school,
I could convince your parents that it's a great school, which it is, and
that I think it would be a smart move to get you enrolled there.  My guess
is that your folks would, sadly, love for you to go to school away from
town.  Rosa, the headmistress, is seriously gay friendly—so are they at the
school—and I called her last night, actually this morning at 3 a.m., and
told her the whole story. After you get enrolled, I'll resign and drop out
of sight as far as your parents are concerned. We'll have to stay alert if
your parents come to New Mexico, but also, Rosa is my very dear friend, and
starting a business somewhere there are people I love is not a stretch. So,
that's my thought."

Tim was quiet during my explanation and was looking very seriously at his
lotus bun, chopsticks moving it around in hot oil. Finally, I noticed the
sides of his mouth turning up. The tension I'd been holding abated a little
bit. Then, he looked up, beaming. "You're BRILLIANT! YES!!" He nearly
shouted. I just laughed and soon we both were laughing, high-fiving, and
grabbing each other's shoulders.

I felt such relief. "This is amazing, Timmy. In the past 24 hours, we've
gone from mega stress about our feelings for one another to expressing
those feelings and now, hopefully, we have a working plan to keep both of
us safe. I don't know about you, but I am an incredible bunch of amazed."

"No shit, Alex. No shit. Thanks. If I don't say that every five minutes,
just remind me and I'll start fresh."

I grinned and said, "Okay, today's Saturday. Do you have homework for
Monday? We should get a plan for what we need to get done before school and
work come around too soon."

"I've got a history paper to edit and polish up, and I need to look over my
math problems. That's all for me. I could really use some exercise, I mean,
of the non-horizontal kind," he grinned.

"Listen to you all responsible and everything," I teased. "Where'd Tim go?
Who are you?"

The wound crossed his face and I felt like a jackass. "I'm so sorry, Timmy,
I was a jerk. I'm just remembering having to cajole you into getting your
school work done."

Downcast, he said, "Yea, I know, I was a jerk. But, what you asked me
yesterday, about cleaning up my act, I will. It's not like it will be hard.
I just fucked off to get attention, first my dad's and then yours. I kind
of love school and I like to learn. So, yea, that's all the school work I
need to do. It will only take maybe three hours max. I can finish this
evening and then I can help you do anything that needs doing at your house."

"Hey, buddy," I said brusquely, "let's get out of here. Did you get enough
to eat?"

I hoped that Tim didn't notice the emotion on my face or the tears pooling
in my eyes. I left cash on the table and we headed out.

"Alex," Tim said when we got in Truck and buckled up. "Please remember that
I have been watching you really carefully for the past year. And, I am
really sensitive to your moods. When something affects you, I notice and I
worry. Please tell me what just happened. Otherwise, I'll get afraid and
then we'll have to process again, and dude, we're guys. We're not supposed
to be all talkie talk about our feelings, are we?"

I looked at Tim, whose eyes were laser focused on me and shook my head
saying, "Who ARE you, Timothy Henner? You're ability for clarity is
freaking me out. Geezus, are you some sort of savant? You're right, yes, I
was emotional when you confessed that you were attention seeking and that
you love school and that you want to help. All of that stuff validates what
I always believed, and I'm just so happy to hear your clarity and honesty,
but I also feel rage at your parents and grief that your life has been
lacking in the love and care you deserved. So, next time, I won't protect
you from my feelings, I'm really sorry. I should have known better. That's
the other piece, every time you are perceptive and smart, and you
demonstrate your precociousness, I realize that I am now on the other side
of the conversation that Ken and I once had. That brings my grief close
again.

I think the message is this, Timmy. We are in one another's lives for
amazing learning and to take advantage of deep feelings of love. To succeed
in growing our love will require faith in one another and all of our best
work. I promise you that I will be present and do my damndest to share what
I feel as I feel it. Can you do the same for me, Timmy?"

Tim said, "Give me your hand, please."

I clasped his left hand, lacing our fingers. He looked at my hand, smiled
softly and then turned his gaze to me. "Alex, I pledge to be my best for
you and for us. I will listen and learn and love you, and be deliriously
happy working to create a life with you. I know that you are risking a lot
for me, and I will honor that risk by being careful in as many ways as I
can."

"Whew. Okay, Timmy. Imagine me kissing you right here in the parking lot. I
love you so much, baby. Fuck, you make my heart full and my body ache for
yours. I think we need to get home and get our running clothes on and go
burn off some excess energy this afternoon. Then, you can do your homework
while I make dinner. And then, I'm going to play my guitar for you to
someone else's music and we are going to make love all night long."


-----------------------------------

It's been great to hear your feedback. I'm happy to hear more if you are so
inclined. Also, I just posted a piece I wrote a couple of years ago, just a
one-off, in the Relationships section, My Emerald Universe.