Date: Fri, 17 Oct 2003 08:57:33 -0700 (PDT)
From: Rick Beck <quillswritersrealm@yahoo.com>
Subject: BJJ/My15thYear -- Chapter 25

Billie Joe's Journal/
My 15th Year

Chapter 25
Cumming & Going

The old guy seemed real old, thirty or maybe even forty at least. He was
way big but I'm not very good on that sort of thing because most of us were
pretty skinny compared to people who ate regular. All in all, as awkward as
I felt being witness to it, the guy wasn't all that bad. I mean he was nice
enough and he fed us up, which was a big point in his favor.

Gene had told me about some of the guys who had picked him up, and this guy
seemed okay, when I thought about the stories he told me. He kept serving
us food as he fondled and hugged Gene each time he passed by his chair.
	"I don't take a long time Just don't get a sweet thing like you
that often. Most boys that go out are in a hurry," he said.
	"Most men that pick me up don't feed me," Gene told him, even
blushing once when the man found out he was already hard.
	"Where have you been all my life? Damn nice meat you got there," he
said, leaning over Gene's shoulder to feel it.
	Gene's legs spread wide apart and he held the man's hand tight on
his dick. The man smiled and Gene unfastened his pants, pushing them down
to his knees, and then down to his ankles, until he was naked below the
waist.
	"I don't take long either," Gene said, sipping Coke as the man
stroked Gene's cock for him.
	I felt jealous but at the same time I liked watching Gene from a
distance with someone else. It reminded me of when I first wanted Gene and
he was with everyone else. I remembered how other boys and even Sharon
liked feeling his major meat.
	Now Gene looked like a little boy with this ten inch monster
standing up our of relatively sparse pubes and arching half way up to his
thin chest. The man need only lean a little way past Gene's shoulder to
kiss the now rosy tip. It advertised that Gene was into the game. His
smooth balls jiggled on the chair down between his legs as the lips kissed
under, on top of, and around the hard ridges of Gene's cockhead.
	"You know, I'm not that hungry now. I mean, I'll want the rest of
this later but you could put your mouth on it. I mean really on it. That's
what I want eaten next," Gene's mouth was now sagging open and his hands
were now on the man's face and head as Gene pulled the man's mouth down
onto his throbbing erection. "Yeah, suck it. Oh man just for a little while
like that will do... really nice... oh yeah."
	The man pulled Gene's hand up on the front of his pants as he
sucked as much of Gene as he could manage. Gene's hand closed on the bulge
the man presented to him as Gene watched him suck half of his dick. Gene's
hand twisted and pulled and felt the hidden bulging organ. Slobber ran down
Gene's dick and onto his balls and onto the chair.
	Gene scooted his chair back and put his mouth on the front of the
man's pants. Neither of them seemed interested in freeing the other
erection, if you didn't count mine, at the table. Gene's hands went around
the man has he repositioned himself for the occasion. Gene's face was lost
in the large man's crotch as he pulled it closer so that his face
disappeared from my view as he tried to get to the prize in the man's
pants.
	They both seemed content as they panted and pulled and pondered one
another in a most passionate way. I was a bit more surprised by Gene's lust
for the man than I was by the old guys lust for him. It wasn't like someone
servicing him at all but like some complete connection that was being made
there at the dinner table and both of them moaned approval as the other's
dick became more important than their own. I'd sat at many tables but none
like this one with the main course and the dessert all wrapped up together
and neither seemed to notice the audience wasn't missing any of it.
	"It's right there," Gene sighed, taking his mouth off the huge wet
spot on the front of his lover's pants before placing it back onto the big
bulge.
	It was relatively easy knowing when Gene was shooting his load. He
was loud and his hips pressed hard against the object of his affection, in
this case the mouth that managed to take on a few more inches as Gene
panted and moaned with his mouth firmly planet on the other man's cock, a
few layers of clothing away.
	The big man was cumming too. I could tell by the way the spit and
the cum splattered out, running heavily down over the bottom part of Gene's
shaft, coating it and his shinny balls before forming a puddle on the seat
around the smooth sac of balls.

      					*****

Gene and I showered together after the man went to change his messy
pants. He brought us each a big fluffy white towel, hugging Gene who was
still naked below his waist hugged the man back.

"You are quite the find," the man said, watching us until we closed the
bathroom door.

"You always that nice to them when they pick you up?" I asked, as he took
off his socks and his T-shirt.

"Johns? No way! He fed us and went along with everything we asked him
for. He's a nice guy. So I give a little extra for that. Most of them are
pricks. Once they get your dick you're yesterday's news. Nice guys don't
come along that often, Billie."

I don't think I was mad but only then did I realize I wasn't in love with
Gene. Oh, I liked him plenty, and I could have spent the rest of my life
with him, but I knew better. Gene belonged to the street and I didn't
belong anywhere. Gene had guys falling in love with him all over the place
and no one knew I was alive, except Gene, and before the water got hot, he
was on his knees in front of me, swallowing my dick that was already erect,
still erect, from the entertainment I'd witnessed. I rode the rivulets of
water as they circled and disappeared down the drain, as he drained me dry,
keeping his lips in my pubes until he was sure I was done.

It was one of those nights when Gene couldn't get enough. Each time I
started to doze off he was on it again, sucking me back to life, straddling
me as I tried to keep my eyes open and then I was fucking his brains out
without understanding how we got started again.

The bed squeaked while it rocked and rolled, until I was collapsed back
into a fitful rest that I knew he would interrupt again, once he regrouped.

As the first strands of light filtered through sheer white curtains, I
noticed he was gone. I listened to the house and heard nothing at all. No
one was awake or moving around. I yanked on my pants and stepped into the
hallway, concerned about and for Gene.

What was he up to now?

	The room at the end of the hall was the only one with the door
partially opened. I took one step at a time and eased down until I could
see through the opening and there was Gene sleeping soundly with his face
on the big naked man's chest. Their arms were intertwined and both of them
slept so sound that they never noticed I once more witnessed their
intimacy.

	At first I was put off by their familiarity but then I understood
Gene not only liked sex and cumming and all the wreathing and sweating that
went with it, but he needed to be held. He wanted the intimacy that other
men's arms furnished him.

This guy was old enough to be his father and yet Gene wanted him to hold
him. Oh, I knew that wasn't all they did. Gene couldn't just hold someone
or be held by them. There had to be mad hungry sex before and after the
holding, but the time that came in between his orgasms was when he could do
it without guilt or concern for the reasons why. This man offered Gene
something I never could give him. I wasn't sure what it was but I knew the
truth of it.

I suppose all of our truths were different and what was right for Gene or
that man wasn't necessarily right for me. What was right for the street
kids, who had lost everything, wasn't what was right for me, because I
wasn't like them that way. I hadn't lost my home, I'd deserted it. I hadn't
lost my family, I had deserted them, so I could stand in doorways and watch
other boys survive as best they could, all the time knowing I could go home
again.

I was wanted. I knew by the posters that I was wanted. I knew my parents
had been in San Francisco looking for me because who else would have taken
the time to post my picture on every telephone pole and window in the
Castro?

I went back to the bed in the other room and went back to sleep. I didn't
miss Gene and I knew he didn't miss me but by the time I woke up the second
time, he was back beside me, like it had all been a dream but not.

There was a knock on the door. I sat straight up, forcing Gene off my chest
when I did.

"What?" I said, for lack of anything else to say.

"I would like to prepare breakfast for you boys."

"Ah, come in. I mean it's your house. Your bedroom."

The door opened and he stood there in white shorts and a white T-shirt. He
filled them both completely and they were probably bought at a time when he
was a thinner man. There were white socks and white sandals on his feet. He
smiled pleasantly as he saw Gene's naked body face down on the bed with the
pillow on his head in his attempt to hold off the new day.

"You have a mighty nice friend there. Don't let him get away from you."

"I won't," I said, putting my hand on Gene's back.

"I know you probably want to sleep all day but mother's got to shop and do
some chores. I can fix breakfast before dropping you boys. Eggs, French
Toast, Bacon, and sausage. It will be ready in maybe half an hour. You have
time for another shower, a nap, or whatever it is two young boys do to each
other. There should be just enough time for that. Then I'll drop you back
in the Castro if you like."

"Fine. We'll be out in a few minutes. He's just my friend," I added just
because he was nice to us.

"Very nice friend. I like him.  Enjoy anyway!"

He closed the door easily. I rolled my body onto Gene's back and kissed his
neck and studied his warmth. He made this super human effort to turn his
face toward me as his eyes refused to open. His lips were ruby red and
thick as he puckered them for some expectant result.  I used my lips on him
and rubbed myself on his body. His eyes opened in squinting protest of the
new day.  "Fuck!" he said, too loud as I laughed at his exhaustion.

				*****

Too soon our feet hit the street again and it was like we had never
left. Gene did have a pocket full of money that he divided up with me but
we had no need to spend any right away. That doesn't mean we didn't. We
decided we needed to find some of the other kids to see if there wasn't a
place to crash so we could hold onto a few bucks for food. We walked up to
Golden Gate Park and got some ice cream and candy for later.  People once
more looked at me as we walked from time to time and I didn't like it.  I
felt like I'd been out there my entire life. I couldn't remember ever being
anywhere else. When we stopped for a coffee a little while later, a guy
stared at me from behind the counter of the coffee shop. Then, he reached
under the counter for something he seemed to be studying carefully before
he looked up at me again.

	"Billie Joe," he said, looking directly at me.

	I ignored the advance and immediately started talking to Gene. Gene
looked confused for a few seconds and then he noticed the guy with the
flyer in his hand trying to see even though I'd moved behind Gene so he
could no longer see my face.

	"Your name Billie Joe?" the guy asked.

	"Me? No," Gene said, looking over his shoulder as he turned to
leave. "I'm Gene. This is Tommy Lee, my brother. What's your problem
anyway? Fucking fags.  Let's get the fuck out of here, Tommy Lee."

	Of course the word fag put the guy off just long enough for us to
head for the door. Gene kept his body between me and the curious counterman
as we moved back toward the street to get lost in the flowing mass of
humanity that was always out there during the day.

	"Looks like this kid," the man said out loud but to no one in
particular, still checking the flyer.  "All you kids look alike," he
decided.

	We took off down the first street we came to, losing the coffee as
we ran.  My heart pounded and I was scared shitless by the near miss.
People were still looking for me.  They obviously knew for sure that I was
here.

	As we walked I thought of the bag I'd left behind at the hotel, the
letter from Carl.

	Carl! I thought. Shit!

	They'd have contacted him.  They'd want to know what he knew.
Fuck!

	"You okay?" Gene asked after a while. "You should never have gotten
cleaned up."

	"No!  What am I going to do, Gene? I look like me again. That guy
knew it was me."

"Nothing," Gene said calmly. "Nothing at all."

	He went to the curb and looked around for some clean dirt so he
could rub his fingers in it, coming back and putting it on my face.

"Nothing.  We make you look like you did before we showered.  No one even
looked at us twice when we was grubby. Guess that's a good look for us,
huh?"

He rubbed dirt on my cheeks and under my eyes, blending it into my pristine
skin until I was back to being a dirt ball.  His lips nibbled at mine as he
performed the operation and then to make me feel better, he put a streak of
dirt on each of his cheeks.

"No one will want to pick you up now," I observed.

"I don't want them to. Later, I'll wipe it off if I need to."

We went over to the party hotel, staying on the side streets.  We slid down
the space between the buildings until we reached the opening and it was
back. The boards that once had denied us entrance were broken and
splintered and strewn about on the floor.

I remembered my first night on the mean streets of San Francisco. Images of
Ty and leather boy played inside my head.  I shivered as we climbed the
stairs.  I smelled the same smells that had been so powerful and yet
foreign to me that first night and were so familiar to me now. I became
dizzy and light headed from the smell of sex that filled my nose as we
climbed higher into the building.

	There were piles of papers and rags in a far corner on the orgy
floor.  We cuddled up together and waited to see who was residing there
now.

	"What do I do?"

	"Stay cool.  We'll find a place close to the roof once it's dark.
I'll show you how to get away from up there.  They're too fat to follow us,
Billie. Besides, it'll be a few weeks before they close it down again. I'll
show you the cracks to slip through and the best escape routes.  We can
hear them when they are in the building. That's why we stay up top.  Once I
slide out a crack, they're history.  I'll show them to you.  You'll have to
lay low though.  I'll find out what's going on tonight on the street."

"You're going to leave me?"

"Can't just stay here.  We'll starve.  You got to stay off the streets for
awhile till we figure something out.  Maybe we'll go to L.A. or San
Diego. Those are good cities. Warmer down there, Billie."

"You want to stay with me?"

"Of course.  We're a team now.  I want to be with you.  I love you,
Billie."

I listened to the words but had trouble holding onto them.  My brain didn't
want to connect me to what I felt for Gene.  I knew I loved him because he
was all there was to love.  I knew my love was selfish because without him
I was dead.  Without Gene, there were only the streets. Sometimes, love is
convenient and that's what kind of love I felt for him. I knew it was the
same for him. He loved me because I was all there was right then, as he
would have loved that old man had I not been in the way. He might have laid
up there with that guy for a long time if not for me.

He left me while I slept. It was dark and there were no candles when I
woke.  I could hear the sounds of the street a few blocks away.  There were
constant cars and horns . . . and my terror of being alone.  I stayed close
to the crack we had laid next to.  I watched the stairs and held my knees
to my chest.  Time took a long time passing.  I wondered if I'd ever be
with anyone again. When I started thinking about leather boy, I scurried
down the steps and headed toward the street where I knew people would be
moving about.

I leaned on the window of the restaurants and watched the young boys
chasing the young girls. Then a car would stop, a boy would separate
himself from the playfulness, and ride off with whoever it was that had
stopped.

A car slowed as it passed me. The driver leaned way over in the seat to get
a better look. I looked away, avoiding his eyes, and he drove away. That
was stupid, I thought. I've got to learn to take care of myself. I
remembered the way Gene posed for the cars and I tried to duplicate the
stance. Maybe I'd try it once to see if anyone was interested. There were a
lot of people around and if the guy looked dangerous, I'd know.

I thought back to Ray Boy and the lessons I'd learned from him. I thought
about the car with the dark windows and the terror that was still inside
me. A car slowed and crawled up to where I leaned. The man wasn't all that
old. He looked lonely, needy, and I let my eyes meet his. He stopped.

Why was I out there? What was I doing?

I eased off the glass and decided to hear what he had to say for himself. I
leaned to look in at him and the window came down as if by magic.

"Want to ride around," the man asked me, now looking out the windshield as
he spoke. "Get in."

He was interested. I'd passed the first test. I wasn't sure what to do but
I was reaching for the door handle as quick as the offer was made. It was
almost like a compulsion to follow through with what I had started. I had
walked over to the car. I had listened to his offer, and now my fingers
closed on the door handle as I went about opening it.

I was suddenly jostled roughly. Long dusky fingers slapped my hand off the
door handle, and I was rotating in a half circle without meaning to.

"Hit the road Jack," the gruff voice ordered. "What the fuck are you doing
you little asshole?"

I swung around and looked up, up, and up until Ty's very angry eyes looked
down into and through my very freightened ones.  There was rage on his
face.

"What the fuck are you doing.  You little punk asshole."

"Hey!" the guy in the car said.  "We're doing business here."

"We're, Mac?  Key word is we're.  Get your fucking ass out of here before I
call the cops on your queer ass, faggot."

I swung at Ty with a roundhouse punch.  All the rage and anger I'd ever
felt came out of me.  I failed to connect as he took half a step back,
giving me a long hard look.  I slugged him in the chest as he stood
stationery.  I beat both fists into his chest and arms as he leaned back
away from me and tried to fend me off.

"You son of a bitch.  You left me.  You bastard.  I hate you!  Why did you
leave me? You son-of-a-bitch! Get the fuck off me."

I flailed and swung until he held both of my wrists to save his self from
the rage I let loose on him. I kicked him in the leg and made him let
go. He slapped me across the face with his huge opened hand, knocking me
against the car as it was driving off. I started to fall into the street
and I swung at Ty as I was going down, but he grabbed me by the shirt and
pulled me back to my feet.

I started to swing at him again and his other hand slapped me even harder
this time.  I dropped down on my knees crying, sobbing.  He tried to pull
me back to my feet.

"Don't touch me, nigger.  Don't you ever touch me.  I hate your black
ass. You bastard!"  I screamed.  "You son of a bitch!"

People stopped and stood and I sobbed and cried as Ty once more pulled me
up by my wrists.  He pulled me into his body and I sobbed. I heard his soft
voice say, "I didn't leave you, kiddo.  They told me you got busted.
Barney said the police locked you all up. I thought you were on the way
back to wherever you come from.  I didn't know.  I would have looked for
you if I'd known."

I couldn't see Ty through my tears.  I could see his black skin and where
his eyes should be, but I couldn't really see his face.

"You thought I was locked up?"

"Yeah, til Gene told me different a little while ago.  I was looking for
you. He said he'd been taking care of you for me.  I've got a place to
stay.  You can stay there until you go home."

"I can't go home."

"We'll talk about that," Ty said, firm.

"No we won't," and my belligerence was never more apparent.

"You coming with me or you want me to leave you alone out here. Gene hooked
up with Donnie just before I found him. They took off together once I told
him I was looking for you. Well, make up your mind. You coming or not?"

I followed a few paces behind Ty. I was still mad at him but I wanted to
stay with him. Maybe he did think I was locked up. How would he know I
wasn't? It wasn't like he could go to the police station to check it
out. He was on the street to. They'd grab him as quick as they'd have
grabbed me. I stumbled over a curb and Ty waited for me to catch up.

"You okay?" He asked.

"Yeah! You left me."

"I didn't leave you. Why are you so damn hard headed?"

As angry as I was with Ty, it seemed to fade away as we walked and
talked. He took me about twenty blocks during most of an hour of walking.
We climbed up to an upper floor apartment.  When Ty used the key in the
door I believed it was a place to stay.  He told me nothing until we
stepped inside.

There was a hospital bed on the far side of the room overlooking the
windows.

"This is Walter, Billie.  Walter, this is Billie Joe."

"The infamous Billie Joe. The way Ty talks about you, I thought you were a
figment of his imagination."

"You don't look so hot," I said.  "You sick or what?" I said with my new
bluntness.

"Boy's a genius, Ty. You didn't tell him.  I have AIDS.  Ty saved my life
the other night.  I haven't heard anything but Billie Joe, Billie Joe since
he found me unconscious a few weeks ago. He got me to the hospital and now
they have me on something called the cocktail, but I need someone here to
make sure I take the meds when I'm supposed to. I sleep a lot.  Ty's stayed
with me, since. The hospital won't keep me, you know. Too expensive. No
insurace.  I'd be dead by now if he'd left me.  Regular life saver. My
knight in shinning armor, this one."

"Cut it out, Walt. You saved my life. You took care of me plenty. I was
only returning the favor.

"Yeah," Walt said weakly as he looked fondly at the tall black boy that
dominated the room.

Then Walter turned his attention to me, looking me over critically.
"Thought you said he was so young?"

"Fifteen," I said.  "Nearly sixteen."

"You don't look so hot, either, you know."

"Streets ages you fast," Ty said. "When I left him he was peaches and
cream."

Ty walked me over to the bed and Walter stretched out his hand for a formal
introduction.

"Glad to finally meet you, Billie Joe. Thanks for lending me your man. He's
a regular lifesaver."

I looked at his hand and I looked at Ty.  He smacked the back of my head
hard and indicated for me to shake his hand whether or not I liked it.  I
couldn't touch him.  Ty shook his head and Walter put his hand on top of
the white sheet like that was what he did all the time.  He didn't seem put
off by the fact I was repulsed by the sight of him. His face was blotched
with sores and his arm was so thin it was just bone with skin covering
it. There were soars on his arms as well. He struggled to swallow and tried
to smile, but I could see it took a major effort for him to simply turn up
the corners of his mouth.

"I wouldn't shake that skinny little hand either.  I know I'm nasty
looking.  I'm really better than I was. Ask him. The new medication seems
to be doing me some good.  First thing that has slowed it down, since I got
sick."

"I'm tired, Ty. Why don't you give this boy something to eat while I rest
my eyes?  He looks plum starved to death. Skin and bone like me. Then you
guys figure out the sleeping arrangements.  I know if I say you can't stay,
Ty will go with you.  I guess I'm stuck with the two of you.  Just keep the
television down, Ty and maybe I could have some of that broth when you
bring the meds next time, Ty. I'm a little hungry today."

Walter looked at me with drooping eyes.  "Thanks.  I really mean it," he
said as his voice grew softer until it went away.

				   *****

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