Date: Thu, 19 Aug 2010 09:44:05 +1000
From: James Gippsland <jamesgippsland@hotmail.com>
Subject: Billy the Kid - chapter 5

I never thought I'd be writing any more about Billy. It was over, and I had
a broken heart, that was the facts of the matter.

It's almost a year now since he "walked out" on me. I'm not going to go
through the whole thing again for you -- read the other chapters. I'm sure
you have if you've got this far. But about six months after he left my
life, and after I had deleted his details from MSN Messenger and his number
from my mobile phone, I had a phone call one morning, whilst I was
driving. It wasn't from Billy, but it was about him.

"Hey, this is John Fisher from Drouin Landscapers, how ya going?"

"Yeh good," I say, trying to balance the phone and stop the truck.

"Was wondering whether you would give Billy Johnson a reference?"

"What?!" I exploded.

He repeated the question, as I slammed the breaks on, came to a halt. I was
silent for a few minutes and he probably wondered whether I was still there
or not. I supposed I'd managed to push Billy to the outer reaches of my
mind, and all of a sudden here he was invading my space again.

I talked with the guy for a while. I explained (as best as I could) that
Billy had left me, and the business and that I was none too happy about
it. I did not however say what I suspected had caused that departure! I
also told him that yes I would recommend Billy as a good worker,
conscientious, good timer keeper. And that yes I would take him back -- if
we could work out why he'd left in the first place.

All in all, the phone call unsettled me. I thought about it on and off for
hours over the next couple of days. I thought about Billy. Shy, sexy,
virgin Billy. And the way he had walked away. And the fact that he'd put my
name down as a referee without even asking! I was angry at him. Yet idiot
that I was, it was my own fault. And yet the leaving of me didn't happen a
day or even a week after "it" happened. It was a long time later that he
pulled the plug on me. So my thoughts went round and round my head. I
couldn't concentrate. All I could think of was Billy.

I thought of him working for a rival company (!) albeit several kilometres
away. I thought of him in his work gear, stretching, bending, reaching,
flexing. I thought of him joshing with the other guys, and being accepted
into their group. I was jealous. I wanted him.

All these were selfish, self centred thoughts. They were mean. And I
couldn't help myself. I was feeling self pitying and it was ugly to watch.

A few weeks later, and it was still eating me up. There was righteous
outrange at him applying for a job and giving my name as a reference,
without even asking me.

One day I was playing around on msn messenger. I don't chat to a lot of
guys on there and sometimes you pick up someone, chat for a few weeks and
then it goes nowhere.  You accumulate names and address, and once in a
while I like to clear out the system and delete the names I no longer chat
with. It was in the process of doing this,that I came across Billy's
address.

Yes I know I said that I'd already deleted him. And his mobile number from
my phone. I had. I promise you, I really had. I can't explain it. But there
was his address on Messenger. It was somehow non-active, because it never
came up when he (presumably) was logging on. I decided to re-activate it,
and put it back in my address book.

Within days, Billy's name was flashing up, as he was online. I could see
his active profile -- and presumably he could see mine. This happened time
and again. Week after week I would log on to do stuff online and messenger
would load up, and there would be Billy's name. Often within a few minutes
of me logging in he would exit, and be offline. Sometimes he would stay on
line, but never acknowledge me.

It hurt.

It $#@%@&$#-ing hurt. But what did I expect. I'd brought it on myself. And
now I was punishing myself for it. Better to properly delete his name and
address. To move on with my life.

I did.

I deleted him.

"Delete this profile?"

"Yes, No, Cancel"

YES.



************



It didn't do me any good. Billy was not going to go away that easily (!)

Several weeks later, when I was on messenger chatting with a guy (mmmm,
sounded hot, but that's another story!) Billy suddenly came up in a little
dialogue box. "Hi" he said. $#@!#$@ I thought. No I didn't. I scrabbled to
reply.

I decided to play it real cool. "Hi. How's things?"

I waited and waited. Finally a reply. "OK"

Where do you go from there? I made some other inane remark, and then sat
and waited an eternity for a reply. If I remember rightly it might have
been "k" or "cool". And then he'd gone. Vanished. Offline.

SHIT.

I'm not going to drag this out. The truth of the matter is that for weeks
and weeks this little "game" went on and on. Sometimes Billy would be
online, on his mobile (which meant he was probably in the car with his
mother!!!) Sometimes he was online on the home computer, (which meant he
was online, sitting in the lounge room of the family home, where anyone
passing the screen could see what he was up to. No dear reader, unlike so
many other kids of his age, Billy does not have a laptop of his own in his
bedroom!)

And his chatting was often mono-syllabic . Yeh, OK, cool. I tried chatting
about footie and cricket. About home, the weather. About work. It was
painful, a bit like drawing teeth. And yet every time I thought to myself
"bugger this -- I'll delete him (again)" there he would be again, a
presence on my screen and in my mind.

I asked him why he'd left. He gave me some bullshit about wanting to work
with this family friend. I asked him whether he was still working with the
guy. No, it hadn't worked out. I asked him whether he was working for
Drouin Landscapers. He asked me why, and I told him about their approach to
me for a reference. He was angry and logged off. The next time we chatted
when we (eventually) got on to the same subject again, I pointed out that
if he hadn't have put down my name as a reference (without my permission,
although I didn't mention that) it wouldn't have happened.

How was he enjoying the work there? He wasn't, he didn't get the job.

Round and round it went. There were times he was online and I didn't "say"
anything. I knew he was there, presumably he knew I was there. Sometimes he
would log off, and then log on again, almost as if to get my attention. His
information page had pictures of himself. Nothing sexual! Just a couple of
face shots. I would check them out, and then fantasise. And one thing would
lead to another. And I'd find myself jacking off, thinking back to that
time in the shed.

What a bloody fool I am.

I didn't want to hurt him -- in any way. But I've lost him in any case. Not
that I had him to start with.

Ah shit.

And then one day, he came on line. (He made the first move -- that was
unusual.) We chatted a bit. A bit more freely that usual in fact. A little
less stilted. And then he came out with it.

"I know what you did."

Yeh, we all know what I did Billy. But you're willing to name it? That's
interesting.

"Yeh, sorry Billy."

"It's ok. It's cool."

"Didn't want to spook ya," I wrote.

"No. It's cool."

What the #$@!% was I supposed to make of that? Was he saying it was ok, he
wasn't angry at me anymore? Was he saying he'd forgiven me for making a
move on him, for opening up and admitting I was gay? Was he
saying......... that maybe he'd enjoyed our very brief, almost (almost!)
innocent (INNOCENT? Ha. Who are you kidding Jamie?) encounter?

I tried to ask. I tried to explore what he was REALLY saying, but he just
logged off. I thought again about his semi naked form, his smooth skin. The
feel of his developing muscles moving and alive under his hot skin. The
feel of his snail trail drifting southwards, or of the straight hair under
his pits. His nips. Oh god his nips. Soft, then hardening as I scrapped a
finger nail over them such that they became hard little buds of
pleasure. And they way he squirmed and moved as I touched and played with
them.

The feel of his back as I rubbed and stroked and massaged him, his body
stretched out, his finger tips strained upwards to the beam above his
head. The feel of his responding muscles, the softness of his form, the
hardening of his

He came online again this morning.

I've off work for three days, first break for months. I was going to do
some stuff around my own place, but it's winter and today is cold and wet
and blustery. Not an outside day. I was sitting in front of the fire around
7am when up popped his chat box. I hadn't even noticed he was online, but
then suddenly there he was.

"No work?"

I explained about taking time off, working in the garden.

"Cool."

I explained about being "home alone" my partner having gone overseas for
four weeks.

"Cool."

I said, "Come over some time if u wanna."

But as I was typing so was he, and even before I'd finished I received his
message and he was gone.

"Gtg" (Got to go)

I guess his mother appeared or something.

Well I can't do anymore.

Except I think maybe I need to go and have a shower. And maybe relieve this
itch. A wank is the closest I think I'm gonna get fulfilling my fantasies
with Billy again.

But ya never know!

*******************



This last (?) episode was tidying up some loose ends. I don't seriously
think anything will happen from here (unless Billy takes the initiative
over the next four weeks of opportunity, but he's not that sort of
pro-active guy). So I guess that's the lot for now.

There are a few other (very different) stories around that I have written,
and I'm working on a few other as well.

Greetings from Down Under! Cheers guys.

Any feedback to jamesgippsland@hotmail.com