Date: Fri, 1 Apr 2005 12:49:05 -0800 (PST)
From: gaymormonwriter@yahoo.com
Subject: Born To Be A Missionary  Chapter 28  adult/youth

Born To Be A Missionary
Chapter 28


(Author's notes: The usual legal and copy write notices.)


>From Joel's perspective:


"I still have a lot of questions for you two." I said

"We know." Adam said.

"What's your first question, Joel?" Aaron asked.

"What made you think that Terry and I would become close, what indication
in the dream led you to that?"

Aaron and Adam looked at each other, than Adam began speaking.

"Well, I believe that all dreams are an interpretation of a life
experience, whether in the past or in the future. Though this was a
'collective' dream, all we can do is assume what the implications are. This
dream, in my mind was for the 'present' in time. We were in what I believe
was Gary's dream, the end of his life as he believed it to be, presenting
his life before a group of 12 high priests from the church. Quite possibly
as the interpretation of the gospel in his mind, with the Quorum of the 12
as the governing wisdom for his final judgment before passing through the
Vail. We shared an extraordinary experience with Gary. Gary could have been
the conduit of our lives, to bring us together for a purpose we have yet to
figure out. For you and Terry, holding Gary's hands was your personal
conduit to bring you two together. You felt the love and compassion of each
other and Gary as it passed through him to each other."

Than Aaron spoke.

"As destiny would have it, if you believe in destiny, we all are together
now. Based solely upon our own recollections and reflections of the
dream. Since, we have had this life altering experience, and have seen and
heard things that would astound the world, we are left us a small group of
'touched' souls, looking for answers to questions we never thought we would
be asking."

"So you are possibly saying that Joel's and mine path in our lives, as
vastly different as they are, were destined to fall into place, that we
would met in a dream, fall in love and live happily ever after? Maybe I am
just too much of a skeptic." Terry said.

"If I am wrong, tell me Terry," Adam said, "That your life as been full of
disappointments, misadventures, sadness and a lack of positive life
affirming guidance."

I felt Terry grimace over that. His hand, suddenly tighten on mine.

"I am judging by the look on your face Terry, that I am right?" Adam said.

Terry nodded his head.

"You have only felt your mother's love and with Joel, you are feeling for
the first time the sense of caring from someone else." Aaron said. Terry
nodded his head.

"I have been so angry for so long," Terry said, "but since I awoke from the
dream, the anger and bitterness have been gone. If you had told me last
week at this time that I would be here, in a hospital, after being beaten,
having a dream where I have met so many people, my brother coming out to
me, and finding Joel? I would have said you were nuts. That I never saw
anything like this coming into my life like this. But I am still the
outcast in this group. I am not a Mormon, nor does it sound like that I
would want to be, but there is some things I can't deny."

"Yes, there are things we all can't deny." Adam said. "We can't deny that
we are all gay. We can't deny that we felt something spiritually wonderful,
despite how our religious convictions fall. We can't deny that our paths
have now crossed and some how we will be benefited from that. We can't deny
that we are being blessed in some form or another for what has happen
between us."

"But what about Tyler? He is the one who suffers the loss of Gary, how will
he reconcile all of this?" I asked.

"Adam and I both felt the love Tyler and Gary had together, it filled the
dream. We are anxious to meet Tyler. We are expected to meet him on
Thursday in Dr. Haines office. He is arranging for Tyler and Kevin to be
there."

Aaron walked up to Terry and took his right hand.

"I know it isn't right that you won't be there, but I am sure that Joel
will come back and tell you everything. Adam and I will be back to see you
again, just because you are not Mormon doesn't make you less important in
our group. And yes, we were serious about you and Joel coming to work for
us and we work out the details."

Aaron looked up at me.

"Joel, I believe you will be released on Thursday and we can make the
arrangements to start your employment. Do you have someplace to go when you
are released?"

"I assumed I would be going back home with my mother, but she tells me she
is finding an apartment to move into and wants me to come with her. Though
I don't know how she will react when she finds I have a boyfriend that I
might want to bring home." I said, looking at Terry.

Adam and Aaron both chuckled.

"Well, let us know." Aaron said. "Here let me give you our cards so you can
get a hold of us. And also, we might suggest that you guys find out about
the genealogy in both your families. We can start looking for a link
there."

I looked at Terry and I didn't think he understood, I would explain it to
him later.

"We can do that." I said.

Aaron than reached into his coat pocket and produced two business cards and
handed them to me.

"Aaron and I have some business appointments to attend to, so we will be on
our way."

"I am glad we met." I said as I came around to shake their hands.

"We are too," Aaron said. "I think we have a lot of things to do and
accomplish together."

They shook Terry's hand and were gone.

After the door closed, Terry looked up at me.

"You consider me a 'boyfriend'? And what is genealogy?" Terry asked.

I looked down upon him, his eyes were curious.

"Okay, first about the boyfriend thing, yeah, I would like that. You?"

A big smile appeared on his face.

"Yes, I would like that to."

"Terry, we are going to go slow with this. I want to get to know you and no
sex until we are ready. And don't give me that 'hurt' look about sex."

"I was just playing. I understand. It will be a new experience with me to
have a boyfriend, someone I can be close with."

"Good."

"Second, genealogy is the history of your family roots. All Mormons are
taught to study their family history as far back as they can. The church in
Salt Lake has what we have been told, the largest genealogy library in the
world. Members and non-members are welcome to use the library."

"Oh, okay. That would be interesting."



>From Jim's perspective:


I walked in the hospital room door to find Joel and Terry holding
hands. They both looked up at me. They looked at me like deers caught in
someone's headlights.

"Hi guys, how are you doing?"

"We are doing good, Doctor." Terry said.

"Good, I have come in to confer with Joel."

"Okay." Terry said.

"Joel, will go out to the nurses station and I will be with you in a few
minutes."

"Okay doctor." Joel said and slipped out the door.

I looked at Terry and was pleased with what I saw. He looked happy and had
that light in his eyes which all I saw was darkness when we met.

"So how do you feel, Terry?"

"I am still some pain. But I am feeling pretty good."

"Did you guys enjoy meeting Aaron and Adam?"

"Yeah, they seem like cool guys. They offered jobs to us."

"Oh really, that's good." I said. "How are things with you and Joel?"

"Why did you put us together, Doctor?"

"You suspect I had ulterior motives by putting you two into the same room?"

"Yes, I do."

"I was hoping you two could support each other, help deal with what has
tormented both of you. I like using group sessions with some of my
patients. But I thought that it would work better for you two alone."

"I feel like I have known him all my life. He makes me feel like he cares
about me. I like that."

"I am sure you do. I caught you two holding hands."

"Yes, I guess it's moving kind of fast, but he wants me as a boyfriend and
I have never had that before."

"Yeah, I would say it was fast. You guys only met yesterday."

"I know. I have been with enough guys to know that Joel is really
special. But I am kind of afraid about that too."

"Why?"

"I don't know how I can ever fill Brian's shoes. I know he loves him still,
I can feel it."

"Terry, no matter what, he will always have feelings for Brian. But Brian
hurt him deeply too. If Joel wants a relationship with you, than it sounds
like he is ready to move on. Don't think you have to compete with Brian for
Joel's affection. Joel's heart is big enough to have feelings for you and
still a place for Brian. Don't let Brian come between you two. If you value
what you have or may have with Joel, don't push him to hard. Talk to him,
let him tell you how he feels."

"Okay, I will."

"I am going to talk with Joel and I will send him back in about an hour."

"Okay. Doctor."

I left the room and found Joel and we headed to the Doctors Lounge, which
was empty. Joel and I sat down at the table. I looked at Joel and found a
sparkle in his eye that I hadn't seen before.

"Terry tells me that you two are boyfriends now."

"Yeah, do you think we are moving to fast for this to happen?"

"That depends on you two, whether it will work or not. Neither of you have
had a sense of a real relationship. Yours with Brian was over before it had
time to real blossom into something special. So the two of you are treading
into new territory that you will both explore and patience with each other
is going to be of the essence."

"I...I am scared."

"That's normal to be scared the first time out."

"But I loved Brian so much...I still do."

Joel's expression was one of pleading and caution.

"Joel, what you had with Brian is always going to be with you. He is in
your heart. But your heart has room for other people. With Terry, he comes
from a different situation and background."

"Is that why you put us together?"

"I put you two together because of the self destructive incidents that put
you both in the hospital. You were so misery and distraught that ending
your life, seemed to be the only recourse. For Terry, he chose to do it
another way. I didn't even come to the conclusion to put you two together
until the dream. When I thought that a connection had formed between you
two, I decided to take advantage of it. I thought the emotional support
would grow into a friendship. A friendship I thought the two of you needed,
as isolated as the two of you seemed. It becoming more of a friendship is
definitely between the two of you."

"There is a 3 year difference in our ages, he hasn't even graduated high
school."

"Why does that bother you?"

Looking a little bewildered Joel said, "He has some growing up to do, I
think."

"I think you both have some growing to do, emotionally and maturity wise."

"So you do think we are too young to have a relationship together?"

"I would be a hypocrite if I did. My son is the same age as Terry. He has
been in a gay relationship since he was 14. Jamie and Steve have grown
together and seemed to be handling most things in a mature fashion, being
as unselfish with each other as possible. So, no, I don't think age is an
issue here. The most important thing you can do is, be honest with each and
keep the communication wide open. Don't hold anything back. That has worked
for me in my relationship."

"I don't want sex right away with Terry, my only experience has a lot of
mixed emotions."

"Well, Joel, that is to be understandable and that should only be
encountered when both of you are ready for it. There should be no need to
rush. But look what is going on now. You seem prepared to go on with your
life. You see possibilities of finding some peace in your heart over
Brian. You have found new friends and support from your mother."

"Yes, I have."

"Joel, I need to ask you if you have any more thoughts of hurting
yourself?"

Joel looked up at me. His eyes were soft, his expression slightly
pained. He slowly shook his head no.

"I don't think I could ever do that again. But I never want to feel like
that again either, so desperate and heartbroken."

"I suspect that as long as you continue to open your eyes and see what is
actually in front of you and realize that things in life can change, that
you can make them change for yourself, and doing what is right in your
heart than you should never feel like that again. I am not guarantying that
you won't feel pain and heartache, that's life, but you will find better
ways of dealing with those emotions when they happen."

"I wonder and worry about what life will be like with Terry."

"Joel, if you don't take chances in your life, than you never know what
might happen. Good or bad. It is better to take those chances and learn
from them. It is what I call 'missed opportunities' if one avoids putting
themselves out there and letting themselves live the life that has been
given to us. Don't cheat other people out of getting to know you and having
you in their lives."

"I don't know how my mother is going to react when she finds out I have a
boyfriend."

"Then you should tell her now so she can get used to it. If she has come
this far with you than I am sure she should be fine with it."

"I guess you're right. I just have a lot of emotions going on now. I love
what I am feeling with Terry. I love the way my mother has been here for
me. I am sad about my dad though. And this dream is still perplexing me
some."

"And I am sure Terry is feeling the same way, except how he feels about his
father."

"I know."

"Okay, I think we are done here unless you have something else you want to
talk about?"

"No. Not right now. So I will see you tomorrow?"

"Yes. I should complete my evaluation of you tomorrow and I don't see any
problem with your release."

"Okay. That's good."

I walked Joel back to his room and left as he walked in.



>From Joel's perspective:



The doctor left me as I came back into the room and found Kevin with his
brother.

"Hi Joel," Kevin said.

"Hi Kevin." I said.

"Terry told me about you two. I am thrilled." With that Kevin came over and
gave me a hug.  I shot a look at Terry and immediately I read, "I am sorry"
in his eyes.

Kevin stepped back and I asked him, "How are you doing Kevin?"

"I am doing good. My mother and your mother seem to be hanging out a lot. I
think they will be real happy about you two."

"Kevin," Terry began, "Let Joel and I tell them, okay?"

"Yeah, sure. I am just glad and honored to be the first to know."

I couldn't help but smile at that.

"I was just telling Terry about our Dad and brother."

"News?" I asked.

"Yeah, since Mom refused to post bail for them, they are still in jail. Our
brother called Mom and wanted to see her. She declined. She said he started
crying and was so sorry for what he did. He didn't know why he did it. Mom
told him that she was put Dad's and his stuff into storage for them and
that she would not be welcome back into the house Told him that she would
have to think about whether to see him in the future, but until then she
has signed for restraining orders against both of them."

"Wow." I said.

"Yeah, he wanted to beg for forgiveness with her and Terry. I don't know
how sincere he is. I think he found out that they were going to prosecute
him as an adult, even though he is only 16."

"Wow." Was all I could say, "Terry, how do you feel about that?"

"I don't know if I can ever forgive him. I just don't know."

I walked over to Terry and took his hand.

"I understand." I said.

We got quiet for a little while.

"Kevin, did Terry tell you about us meeting Adam and Aaron?"

"Yeah, that is so neat. Getting jobs and all."

"I am kind of excited about that myself."

Then our mothers came through the door. They were laughing and giggling. I
wondered what was up with that.

My mother came over and hugged and kissed. Terry's mother went over to him
and kissed him. I think we both turned red.

"How are you boys doing?" My mother asked.

"Fine mom, just fine." I said.

"Good. We have news for you boys." Terry's mother announced.

"Yeah, what's that mom?" Terry asked.

"We are all going to live together." My mother said.

Surprise would be understatement. Shock more like it.

"How is that?" Kevin asked.

"Well, we decided that since we have so much in common, our sons and
kicking our husbands out of our life, we figured it made sense for Joel and
me to move in with you and your brother and mother. Help with expensives."

"Are you sure there will be enough room in the house Mom?" I asked.

"Yes there will Joel." Terry's mother said.

"Well, as far as Terry and I are concerned..." I said looking over at
Terry.  I could read his approval in his eyes. "We will only need one
bedroom."

Our mothers' eyes got real big. My mother's mouth dropped and probably
would have hit the floor if it could have reached it. Kevin had a big grin
on his face. Terry and I looked at our mothers looking for additional
reaction. Our mothers turned and looked at each other.

"Well," my mother began, "I suppose you two are sure about this."

"Yes." I said.

"Yes." Terry said.

"I suppose I don't have a problem with that." Terry's mother said.

"I am not sure that is where Terry and I want to be or that we will find a
place of our own. We haven't had a chance to discuss it yet."

"Well, until you guys decide than I think if Joan is in agreement, we would
like to help with where ever you guys want to live."

"Yes, I agree." Terry's mother said.

"Great."

The rest of the afternoon we spent visiting with our families. Terry's
mother fussed over him and I could tell he hated it. The mothers also told
us they were going to join PFLAG. They both seem to have embraced being
mothers of gay sons and created a great friendship between them. When our
dinner trays came about 5:30, our visitors left. About 6:30 Tyler came to
visit with us. We didn't tell him that Terry and I had become boyfriends; I
felt it would not have been appropriate considering what he was going
through.

I asked my mother about our genealogy before she left. She said that she
had completed it has far back as she could. I asked if I could see it. I
needed to look for the sir names on her family first. She said that would
that the one name that came to mine was "Hale". I just couldn't help but
wonder why that name stuck in my head.



>From Adam's perspective:

Having return to the office and completed our meetings, I sat in Aaron's
office, going over the day's events and completing plans for the
Jacksonville, Florida location.


"I think it was a very productive day, don't you?"

"Yes I do. I think Joel and Terry would make great interns here in the
office."

"I do too. I am glad we are doing this." I said.

"I am just hoping my intuition is right."

"And which 'intuition' is that?" I asked since Aaron always has this
adventurous mind of his.

"If we are all related."

"Are you sure there isn't some Indiana Jones inside you?" I laughed at him.

"Just think of the possibilities if we are, with the dream bringing us
together."

"Okay, we know you and I are related 7 generations back, which isn't hard
to do with all the polygamy that went on in the 1800's." I said.

"Yeah, but we are related by marriage to Joseph Smith through the 'Hale'
family. But I am hoping that the rest of the guys are too." He said with
that wild-eyed adventure look on his face.

"Long shot, there, Aaron. Got to be long shot."

"Yeah, just imagine if they had pieces to this map too."

I just shook my head at him.

"Aaron, what do you want to prove with this 'map', you seem infatuated with
if you can locate all the pieces?" I asked.

"I don't know," he said, "but it will be fun to find out."

"You and your hobbies, Aaron. I don't know how your boyfriend puts up with
you." I said laughing.

"It wasn't so funny when your grandmother handed you that old parchment of
an envelope with a piece of the map in it, was it?"

"I guess. Just because it matched the one you got from your
grandmother. But it doesn't prove anything. It could be someone's idea of a
joke, played out 175 years ago." I said.

"Maybe."

"Yeah, maybe."

"Who knows, Adam, it might make a good movie someday."


The end of Chapter 28