Date: Mon, 10 Oct 2011 17:45:11 +0100 (BST)
From: Andrew Foote <footea81@yahoo.co.uk>
Subject: 'Boy on the Towpath' 5

BOY ON THE TOWPATH.

Chapter V

If due to laws in your country of residence, spiritual beliefs or customs
you are not permitted to access material that involves consensual sexual
activity between an adult and a minor then please leave now.

All comments however critical will be answered and should be addressed to
the author.

Thomas.

(footea81@yahoo.co.uk)

Tom was over the moon with what I'd told him.  I wanted to reiterate just
how proud I was of him but it might just make him a bit cocky so I left it
alone.

By eleven we were both yawning so I sent him off for a shower.  Again, once
he was done. We changed places and I luxuriated under the warm water.

I came out to find him sitting on the made-up bed from the previous evening
and I have to admit to feeling sad that maybe he wanted to sleep alone.

"Hey Tom? You sleeping there tonight then?"

"I just thought that maybe you wanted me to. After all you did say you'd
overstepped the mark and I just thought..."

"I don't want to sleep alone. Yep I overstepped the mark but it has to be
your choice. I want you with me but if you..."

"I want! I want to be with you all the time! I was going to say you were so
cool but that's not the right word.  All I can think of is the way it feels
when you cuddle me. – How safe I feel in your arms and how wanted I
feel.  I understand what you said earlier about wearing underpants and
stuff and that's okay."

I bundled him up in my arms and took him to my bed.  Things always seem
worse at night and obviously something was upsetting Tom as I could feel
him crying gently.

"What's the problem Tom?"

"I'm sorry. I don't know where that came from. I'm just so scared that I'll
lose you."

"You have nothing to be sorry about. It's me who is scared about losing
you!  I had wondered if you just wanted to be with me as someone to
`experiment' with and I was bothered that after I made it clear that was
not going to happen, you might just cut and run."

"I had thought it might be fun. I will admit that but I want to be with you
for better reasons than that.  You're kind and gentle. You explain things
to me rather than shouting at me. My Dad died but you're like a `second
Dad' to me and maybe I shouldn't say this but I do love you for all those
reasons."

`From the mouths of babes and children' so goes the expression.  When
emotions are running high they cannot help themselves but to speak from the
heart and I had to work hard at keeping myself from crying.

"And you are like the son I've never had and I love you too.  That's not a
throw-away comment either. I really mean it."

We lay in silence for some little time but instinctively I knew there was
something else on his mind and remembering how I was at his age, I
correctly guessed it was sex.  At almost thirteen years old he was
teetering on the edge of puberty – neither a man nor a boy with his
hormones taking his body and emotions into a whole different and confusing
world.

Janet – obviously a good and caring Mum, was probably not the ideal
person to explain things or help guide him through the maze that is
adolescence. Perhaps I was.  After all my experience of puberty hadn't been
the easiest because aside from all the normal confusions, I also had to
battle with the fact that I was almost sure I was homosexual.

I use the term `homosexual' as the rather polite word `gay' wasn't used in
that context back then and being labelled `homosexual' or just plain `homo'
was like putting a sign around your neck saying `I'm a social leper. Do not
approach!'

I decided to break the ice.

"What's on your mind mate?"

"Nothing much."

"Come on Tom. I know you well enough to know something is eating at you!
Let me guess. Is it sex perhaps?"

"I err... I mean... How did you know?"

"Hey I was your age once remember? I know how it is at your age. It's sort
of exciting but also a little confusing.  It's also very personal and you
don't feel able to talk to anyone about it even though that's what you want
and dare I say it, need to do.  No pressure but I'm here. I've been
there. You know I'll always tell you how it is and nothing you can say will
embarrass me.  Let me help you but only if that's what you want."

"Yeah I guess so. It is a bit embarrassing though!" He giggled.

My turn to giggle.  "Well yes I suppose but there's no good reason why it
should be if you think about it.  You get sex-education at school?"

"For what it's worth, yes."

"I understand! They teach you about the mechanics of it, reproduction and
so forth and that's about it. Right?"

"Yeah and diseases and stuff, safe sex and the like."

"All very good stuff in its own way but what they don't teach you is the
emotional side of things.  Sex and sexual relationships are perhaps the
single biggest thing in a young person's life both for boys and girls.
They both have strong sexual instincts and desires.  Boys tend to be rather
more inclined towards experimentation whereas girls generally are more
passive and are prepared to wait it out.  Okay so far?"

"Yes. All good."

"Boys urges are very powerful. They have little or no control over their
dicks during puberty and for some while after in some cases.  I know `cos I
used to pop one at the most embarrassing times!  Why do you think that
should be?"

"I don't know but that happens to me too!"

"It is all very normal and nothing to be bothered about.  Basically it's
your bodies way of telling you that it need sexual gratification. Your body
is demanding sex or its equivalent.  You don't have to answer this but if
it helps, I do this.  Do you masturbate? Some call it wanking or jacking
off if you will."

"Oh God! Umm... Yes... Yes I do."

"Great stuff. Again nothing to get upset about – it's all perfectly
normal.  Anything you hear like `it's a sin' or `you'll go blind' or `your
dick will fall off' is the biggest load of old bollocks ever!  The worst
that can happen is it'll get a bit sore if you either do it like every five
minutes or if you're too rough with yourself and if that happens, use some
thing as a lubricant. Baby oil is great for that and the experience will be
far and away better than without it. Trust me on that one!"

"Wow! Really? I never knew that! You can't show me though can you."

"Absolutely not! That isn't because I don't want to or that I'm not willing
to. Just the law remember?"

"I know. Stupid law!"

"The fact that it's illegal for another man to tinker with you, it's okay
pretty much if you do it with another boy and again believe me on this,
most boys at some point in growing up do experiment with each other.  It
doesn't mean you're gay or anything like that and it won't make you gay.
Orientation is decided before you are born. It's genetic and there's
nothing you or anyone else can do about it.  Gay, straight, bi-sexual,
lesbian or whatever. That's the way God made you and that is fucking it!"

"I know what gay is but what are the others?"

"Okay. Gay is when a guy feels sexually attracted to other guys and not
girls Bi-sexual people and these can be either guys or girls, people who
feel sexually attracted to both their own sexual gender and also those of
the opposite sex. I guess they're the lucky ones!  Lesbians are girls who,
like gay men, are sexually attracted to their own gender rather than men.
Got that?"

"Hey! Sounds good to be bi-sexual! I could get it all the time!"

I broke into a fit of hysterics!

"Horny little toad! I know what you mean though!"

"Can I ask you something kind of personal?"

"Yes of course you can!"

"You're gay, right? Have you ever fancied a girl?"

"Yes. Actually I have. I guess I'm `bi' but my gay side is stronger.  I've
had girl friends in the past and loved the sexual side of it but never felt
as if I could settle down and get married to any of them."

"Yeah but you've never settled down with another guy either, have you!"

"Fuck!! Good point!  Do you know I've never looked at it that way before!"

"When will I know how I'll be?

"Soon enough my lovely friend. Soon enough!  First puberty will take you on
a sexual roller-coaster and you won't know what the fuck you are!  That'll
settle down and you will find that either you want to date and hopefully
get into the knickers of that cute girl in your class or...  you want to
date and hopefully get into the pants of that cute guy in you class!  Even
better. You want to do both but can't make up your bloody mind which to
have a go at first!"

Tom shrieked with laughter!

"You are so funny!  I deffo want to be `bi'!"

I smiled.  "That decision was made on your behalf the day your Mum fell
pregnant with you Tom. Still it's nice to dream!!"

The conversation petered out as we both drifted off to sleep.  I felt good
with myself being able to help him understand things better and also very
happy that he was able to open up to me. After all it was a difficult
subject for a kid to deal with no matter what the circumstances.

God certainly works in mysterious ways and I wondered if our chance meeting
was pre-ordained.