Date: Fri, 21 Oct 2011 11:14:59 +0100 (BST)
From: Andrew Foote <footea81@yahoo.co.uk>
Subject: Boy on the Towpath 8

BOY ON THE TOWPATH

Chapter VIII

Whilst this chapter does not contain any sexual references in the accepted
meaning of the word it is mildly erotic and sensual.

If due to the laws of your country of residence, religious or spiritual
beliefs you not allowed to access such material, please leave now.

All comments and criticisms will be responded to and should be directed to
the author.

footea81@yahoo.co.uk


Seconds past that seemed like minutes as Janet struggled to maintain
composure but in truth I was having serious problems of my own and I'm not
normally given to emotional outbursts.  Once she had settled down, Janet
looked at me and continued.

"You must understand that I'm not upset for myself. Angry perhaps that my
life is to be cut short but we all have to go at some point, the only
difference for me is that I know more or less when it will be.  It's
Tom. He is my major concern. His future, his happiness and wellbeing are
all I'm concerned about.  Pour us both another drink?"

I don't believe either of us needed another drink but it gave Janet a
minute to gather her thoughts as quite obviously she was building up to ask
me this `very big favour'.  I was of a mind to ask her to cut to the chase
as I really believed that I was incapable of nothing to fulfil whatever
request she had in mind but I held my tongue to allow her to set her stall
out as she saw fit.

"It's very strange how this sort of news concentrates the mind. Rational
thoughts become very easy. I'm able to map out and plan things in a way
that I've never able to do before so you must understand Stu, I've put a
lot of thought into this.  The very thought of Tom going into care or being
fostered is abhorrent to me. The thought that he would have to go and live
with my brother and his family isn't very much better.  Oh my brother is
okay but his wife is an oddball, a hippy type and she's into this free
parenting crap and allows her kids the freedom to do pretty much as they
please and I don't want Tom to be influenced by that sort of lifestyle.
Tom has always been a reasonably good boy, yes okay the odd temper tantrum
and the occasional mini rebellion but that's just a part of growing up, you
know kicking the system and pushing boundaries to see how far he can
go. All pretty normal stuff for a boy of his age.  The thing is, since
you've been on the scene even those episodes have diminished to the point
we have the occasional spat but he's become a far more `rounded' individual
in just about every way."

She paused to take another sip of her drink before continuing.

"So the bottom line is this. I need Tom to grow up in an atmosphere of love
tempered with discipline to enable him to flourish and make the most of
himself and I honestly believe that there is only one person that can help
him to do this and that is you.  Before you interrupt Stu, please hear me
out.  It would take months if not years for you to go through the adoption
process and with no disrespect, the outcome might not be positive even
then, you know being gay and stuff however there is another way.  I feel
guilty putting you under emotional pressure like this but... If we were to
marry then you would automatically become Tom's legal stepfather and there
would be no question about custody.  My will has been re-written although
as yet not ratified by my solicitor and aside from a lump sum to be put in
trust for him until the age of eighteen, you are named as the sole
beneficiary of my estate.  I own the house outright and I don't owe anyone
any money so... Will you marry me Stu?"

I lost it! I cried like a baby but fortunately managed to get myself
together after just a few minutes.  Janet's logic was perfect. All her
problems solved in one hit although the implications of me becoming a full
time father hadn't hit home there was no hesitation.

"Yes Janet. It would be the single biggest honour I've ever been given in
my entire life and I will move heaven and earth to live up to your
expectations."

She was smiling through her tears as she leant over and hugged me and in a
low voice,

"Thank you Stu. Thank you so very much. I know absolutely that you will
good to my boy and good for him as well."

She chuckled "Soon to be `our boy' but the melancholy came back. "All I
have to do now is explain things to him and I really don't know where to
start."

"Well as we're engaged to be married might I suggest that it's something we
do together. I'm not sure how we go about it but at least we'll both be
there for Tom and for each other?"

"That's really sweet of you but I don't want you to feel..."

"Under pressure? Never! You are entrusting me with Tom's life and his
future and so I think that it's important that we make this journey
together for all our sakes."


*****


The remainder of the evening was actually quite business-like -- agreeing a
date for the wedding -- if we could get a slot at the register office for
later that week so much the better and as it wouldn't be a joyous occasion,
just the absolute minimum number of people would attend.  There would be no
reception as we would go on to see the solicitor that same afternoon to
ensure all the legal essentials had been attended to. We needed no
complications.  We would also make an appointment with a family lawyer just
to make absolutely sure that there could be no counter claims regarding the
will and also of my custody of Tom.

As the evening progressed Janet looked increasingly tired and by ten
o'clock she admitted it.

"Stu if you don't mind I need to get to bed. This was one of the first
indicators that all was not well as I've always been a night owl but then I
found I couldn't do it!"

"You sure you'll be okay here by yourself? I mean I'll stay if you prefer."

"No I'll be fine, honestly. You go back to the boat. You must have a lot to
think about after tonight, probably more than me as I've had some time to
think all of this through but there is just one other thing I need to say
before you go.  If after you've slept on it you change your mind then
that's okay. I mean it was all a bit traumatic and I understand if you need
to think on it before making up your mind."

"There's one thing you can be absolutely sure about Jan.  I have no
hesitation in marrying you and if you think it's just to make things easier
for you, you're wrong.  Gay or more probably bi-sexual, I'm more than just
fond of you. I'm not very experienced with girls although I've had
relationships in the past but had things progressed and given us more time
to get to know each other I just might have asked you the self same
question you asked me tonight.  Go to bed and ponder that one!"

A meaningful embrace and a not-so quick kiss and I walked back to the
marina and my haven.


*****


Despite the one third of a bottle of vintage brandy, once back on board I
liberated a good bottle of red wine and sat at my desk and started to make
notes.

God, what an evening.  How can Janet keep so focused with all that she is
facing? I'm sure that I wouldn't be able to be so rational under the same
circumstances. No! I'd fall apart with self-pity?  They do say however that
women as a gender are mentally stronger when faced with life threatening
situations but even so... I will take my admiration for her to my grave.
The next huge obstacle was how we were supposed to tell Tom.  I'd made the
promise to tackle the situation together but I had no idea where to begin.
I looked at my watch. Ten forty-five. Oh sod it. What the hell!

"David? Yes sorry it's so late but this couldn't wait. I need to talk to
you. -------- yes right now. -------- thanks mate, you've just no idea how
urgent this is otherwise believe me I wouldn't have called. I mean I know
how desperately you need beauty sleep!"

My very old and dear friend David is a Church of England senior vicar and
no he's not gay but he knew about me and he was the first of my friends I
`came out' to and his loyalty to me has been unequivocal.  Over the next
half hour I covered the evenings events and asked the vital question.

"Dave I've said I'd be with Jan when she has to tell him. I thought I might
be of some help but we're both of us at a loss to know even how to begin!
Please mate I need help here?"

"Oh Jesus Stu! I've done my share of bereavement counselling's in my time
but those were only after the `event' so to speak.  To break it gently is
going to be hard for all of you as emotions will be running high as a kite
but to introduce a third party might just make things worse as it could
make it look as if you're abdicating responsibility somehow.  My gut
feeling is, as in all things, you must tell him the truth. -- No fudging
the issue no matter how painful it may be. You bet your next bottle of the
good stuff he'll see right through it in a heartbeat.  Look Stu. I'll call
my Bishop first knockings tomorrow and see if he knows someone who'll give
you better advice but for the time being I'll sleep on it and so should
you. There's nothing to be gained from lack of rest. --- Oh and don't get
pissed tonight! Vicar's orders!"


*****


Probably not pissed but perhaps a gentle list to starboard having finished
the wine but it still took a couple of hours until I finally dropped off to
sleep but the night was dogged by bad dreams.  I remember a car crash. I
remember walking totally lost through a featureless moonscape and most
vivid of all, I was making love to Tom by the side of a lake. I was being
passionate and gentle with him but suddenly I became aware of him crying --
asking me to stop but I couldn't.  I woke and sobbed my eyes out for what
seemed like hours before finally calming down telling myself that it was
just that. A dream and that I shouldn't attach any credence to it.  None
the less I felt guilty that even my subconscious could come up with
something as hateful as that and the more I dwelt on it the worse I became.

In my wanderings on the boat I'd met all types of people, some of which had
been seriously odd. One of these was `Maggi the mystic' or so she claimed.
A woman of uncertain age, most probably in her late sixties or thereabouts
who professed to be able to read minds and look into peoples souls.  I'd
always thought it was a load of crap but now I was desperate enough to try
anything but unlike me who preferred to have a base camp, Maggi was a
continuous cruiser and she and her boat could be anywhere but I did have
her cell number.

"Hello Stuart? I wondered when you'd call me?"

"What?

"Yes! I was thinking about you last night and I knew you wanted to talk to
me."

"Oh shit. How come?"

"Intuition. Yes it was about half five this morning. I woke and you were
the first person I thought about.  You want my help, don't you?"

"That's just too weird. I woke up around then having had a really nasty
dream and it's still upsetting me big time."

"Tell me all about it."

Without going into graphic detail I explained the basic nuts and bolts, how
I'd woken in floods of tears and how unlike most dreams, it was still very
fresh in my head.

"Well that's quite easy Stuart but first a few questions. Am I right in
assuming that this person is in danger? Frightened maybe?"

"Not as of this moment but later today... yes."

"And you feature in this person's life. Perhaps he or she loves you and you
love in return?"

"Yes."

"Your dream isn't anything sinister. Actually, quite the opposite.  This
person will be in need of your help and support and your love more than any
other time in their life. You know this and are more than ready to freely
give of yourself whatever it takes to achieve this end.  Your dream
indicates this but also it's telling me that you're worried that you might
screw up or not be up to the task.  Now you may think this is just the
ramblings of a crazy old bat but I believe that it's because you dreamt
what you did that shows that you do have the ability and strength to do
everything that is required of you. Self-doubt can be a healthy thing
because it will make you try even harder to do what is right."

"But in my dream I was, for want of a better word, committing an act of
rape!"

"Stuart. Sex is the single most powerful driving force in our lives and so
naturally something somewhere used sexual imagery to stamp it firmly in
your conscious mind. Had any other scenario been played out you would have
dismissed it as just another dream and chances are you wouldn't be able to
recall it.  You see, the fact was in your dream you thought you were being
loving, kind, gentle. Appropriate behaviour if you will but when your
partner started crying you knew that appropriate it was not! There's your
fear that you'll bollocks it up by not doing the right thing. Do you see
what I mean? Your intentions were good but your approach wasn't."

"Dear God almighty! It does make sense! Now let me tell you exactly what's
happening."

I told Maggi pretty much everything that had gone on since that first
chance meeting on the towpath and I didn't pull any punches.  Her final
comment somehow also gave me confidence.

"I know this also Stuart. You will succeed. You will be good for the boy
and good for his mother.  You might not give much credence to what I claim
to be able to do and foresee right now but perhaps you will change your
mind in the months and years to come."