Date: Sun, 21 May 2006 18:57:09 -0700 (PDT)
From: Carmine Trust <burglary_yeras@yahoo.com>
Subject: Dead To You 3

My sudden need of wanting to be close to this amazing creature left me a
bit speechless. I was terrified. I have never felt or wanted to feel this
close to anyone. And yet here I was with a freckly, pale, maybe 15-year-old
boy on my arm. Still I wanted him closer and closer. I snuggled my face in
that crown of gold. He whimpered something inaudibly.

"Hmm?"

"Nothing"

"Whenever somebody says nothing I know that it's something."

"It's nothing, really."

I have the sudden urge, a huge burning desire, to do something.  Anything.
"Let's go for a walk."

He looks up at me and I am lost in the blue.  Speechless.  I am about to do
things I will regret and I know it.  He turns his head the other way and
says:

"Okay. Where to?"

"Dunno. Show me where you live."

"Okay," he says very lightly. We start walking.

I can feel his eyes on me from time to time. Looking at me. I don't know
why he keeps looking at me.  I'm nothing much to look at.  I'm far from
pretty.  Why does he look?  I look back sometimes and catch his eyes.  I
give him an amused sort of smile.  He laughs at me and makes weird funny
faces.  I giggle.  He starts making funny faces at random people.  I start
laughing.  He turns to me and says that it's his "Hot" face."  I laugh.

We're in front of a building. It's an apartment building.

"You live here?"

"Yeah"

"It's pretty small. How many people you got in there?"

"My granny, my dad and me. My mom died a week ago."

"Oh.  Did you like her?"  He looks up at me. I'm assuming that I said
something stupid, but I don't know.  I have no tact sometimes.

"Well she was my mom, it doesn't really matter if I liked her or not. She
gave me birth; a small part within me must have died with her."

Now it's my turn to look amused.  This innocent boy.  I knew, at that
moment, that he would be my beginning and my end; so much wiser than me. He
would be my beginning and my end. And although I knew all that, although I
knew that I could leave and never come back, that I could go back to my
life and never think of the blue again; although I knew all that, I still
put my hand on his shoulder and said:

"Is anyone inside?"

We go inside.  I still feel him looking at me. Nobody has ever looked at me
so much.  It makes me feel nice and warm inside.  The apartment is empty.
My dad is down in a bar somewhere.  He's been visiting bars and coming home
drunk ever since mom died.  He doesn't believe in God.  He scares me
sometimes.  He makes me laugh sometimes when he's drunk and tells me
amusing stories about his first girlfriend whom he calls "Witch".  Suddenly
I get scared when I think that I don't even know how I'm supposed to
address the man I'm letting into my home.

"Uhmm..What am I supposed to call you?"

"George, it's George."

"Oh."

He smiles at me.  I like it when he smiles at me.