Date: Sat, 5 Oct 2002 10:09:44 -0700 (PDT)
From: No Label <zero78245@yahoo.com>
Subject: Donny, Chapter 15

LEGAL DISCLAIMER: I am tired of writing the whole thing out every chapter,
so go back to Chapter 1 or 2 and read that one.  For those who forget
easily here are the highlights: sex, man, boy, illegal, don't get caught.
If you do the secretary (as if I have one) will disavow any knowledge of my
existence, or your's for that matter (if you wish).

Feedback is always appreciated.  Feel free to contact the yahoo (author) at
zero78245@yahoo.com.  You can use another address, but then you will
probably not get the response you expect (just a word of warning there).

Postscript to para above: Thank you to all who have sent me messages in the
past week (or even a couple months ago).  They mean more to me than you
know.  It is always encouraging to find out the the wrods you write are
read and accepted.  So thank you again, all of you, from the bottom of my
heart.

To the Alienist: My appreciation for you goes beyond words.  Thank you.


DONNY - Chapter 15

    "What time will Deke be here."

    "He said he had to clean his room first, but would get here around
eleven."

    "Okay, that means lunch for three.  And see, you're not the only one
that has to clean his room."

    "Yeah, right.  Ah, Tom?"

    "Yes, son."

    "That sounds so cool.  Anyway, thanks."

    "For what?"

    "For not making a big deal about my dumbness."

    "Donny, you are not dumb, not by a long shot.  You have just been given
a raw deal the last few years, and I want to change that.  So no more talk
about being dumb."

    "Okay.  But still, thanks."

    "Any time."

    "Oh, ah, Tom?"

    "Now what?"

    "AH, I never really had someone, a friend, spend the night before.
What are we supposed to do?"

    "Well, I have never met Deke, so we will have to kinda play it by ear.
But I remember when I was a kid we would usually find something both of us
liked to do and messed around all day.  And we usually didn't get much
sleep because we stayed up half the night playing or talking."

    "You mean you didn't go to bed most the night?"

    "No.  Most of our talking ocurred after we went to bed."

    "So you guys slept in the same room?"

    "Most of the time we were in the same bed.  Had some really good pillow
fights too.  And wrestling matches.  Lots of fun."

    "Same bed?  Both boys?  What did your parents say about that?  Did you
know you were gay then?"

    "Well, most of the sleep overs I had were when I was younger, ten or
twelve.  I really didn't know I was gay then.  Just knew that I had more
fun with boys than girls.  And my parents didn't care.  It was more or less
expected that we would sleep together.  They didn't think anything of it."

    "Wow.  What about later?"

    "The last couple sleepovers I had were with a boy in my class that I
had a crush on.  He wasn't gay, then or now.  But we did do some normal
childhood exploring.  He was the first person other than me, my parents, or
my doctor to touch my dick.  But when he got older we didn't sleep over at
each other's house any more.  His interests changed.  And I guess I was too
scared of being found out."

    "Do your parents know?  You know, that you are gay?"

    "I don't know.  They were on their way to visit me when their car was
run over by a truck and they were killed.  I was going to tell them during
that visit."

    "Oh, wow.  I'm sorry.  I didn't know they were dead."

    "Hey, don't worry about it.  That was ten years ago, long before I came
here.  And how would you know anyway, since I haven't really told you much
about me.  Want to hear some?"

    "Yeah.  Like how you got here.  Not many gay guys around here.  And
what's it like to be gay?  You know, growing up?"

    "Well, first.  How did I get here.  The previous owners of this ranch,
David and Doris Parker, were my aunt and uncle.  Uncle Dave was my father's
only brother.  Uncle Dave and Aunt Doris didn't have any kids of their own,
and since I was an only child, and there are no other relatives that I know
of, I inherited the ranch when they were too killed in a car accident about
a year ago.  Guess that is probably how I will go since it seems to be a
trend in my family."

    "So you don't have any family either?"

    "Just one other."

    "Oh, who?  Where do they live?"

    "Right here.  You.  Now."

    "Oh."  I couldn't help but hurt my cheeks grinning.  And I got a warm
tingly feeling in my stomach.

    "Supper's ready.  Let's eat before it gets cold."

    I was so wrapped up in learning about Tom that I hadn't noticed how
hungry I was.  "About time.  You trying to starve me to death?"

    "Somehow I think that would be impossible.  Dig in.  We can continue
this conversation later."

    Chomp. "Mufay."

    "Don't talk with your mouth full."

    Gulp.  "Okay."

    "Chew your food before inhaling."

    "Yes sir."

    "Grrrr."  Tom reached over and mussed my hair.

    It didn't take long to wipe out a couple of burgers and fries.  We
dumped the dishes into the sink and went out to the living room.  I stood
next to Tom's recliner, waiting for him to sit while he looked over the CDs
to put some music on.  Once he got the background noise going he sat down,
and I hopped in with him.

    "You know, Donny, this could be habit forming."

    "What?"

    "You sitting here with me.  Although, soon you will probably think
you're too old to do this any more."

    "Never.  Not until the day I die."

    "Hmm, we'll see.  Now.  You want to hear about my sexual awakening?"

    "Yeah.  Like when did you know you were que...gay?"

    "Queer is an okay word.  But only between the two of us.  To others it
could be offensive, but I don't mind it.  Gay or homosexual are the
politically correct terms now, but when I first realized my sexuality,
queer and homo were far more common.  That was more than seventenn years
ago now, when I was thirteen."

    "How did you know?"

    "Well, I knew that I didn't feel the same about girls like the other
boys did.  I fought my feelings for a couple years before that.  You know,
nobody wants to be queer, to be different, especially at that age.  But at
thirteen I finally said to myself, Tom, you are a queer, homo, faggot,
whatever.  Nothing you can do to change it so you might as well accept it.
After that I started feeling better about myself, but still was scared to
let anyone else know.  It was my big secret.  Didn't want to get beat up or
anything.  But at least I stopped hating myself."

    "Yeah, I know how you felt.  I can't tell anyone at school either.  But
how come I can talk to you so easy?  You know, about me being gay."

    "I don't know for sure.  I guess because you know that I am gay, and
you know that I won't beat you up or anything."

    "oh.  But I wish that I could be as free and open about it as you."

    "Well, I am not as open about it as you think.  I don't think that many
people around here know that I am gay.  It is not something that you
announce to everyone you meet."

    "Everyone knows around here.  Or at least, it's a rumor."

    "People can think anything, Donny.  But you don't know the truth about
someone until they tell you.  Like Bob.  Did you know he was gay?"

    "Oh no.  I never heard anything about him."

    "See.  You can't tell just by looking at someone.  Well, some you can,
but I don't think there are any around here like that.  But you will see
queens in big cities, like LA or San Fransisco.  But I am not a flamer.
And the only people who really need to know who I sleep with already know
about me.  So I don't go advertising."

    "Have you had any boy friends?"

    "I went steady with a couple of guys, but we ended up drifting apart.
One in college, and another when I lived in LA."

    "So how many guys have you had sex with?"

    "That is not a question you ask other people, Donny.  Gay or straight.
But since you are just coming to grips with your own orientation and I do
want to help you through this, I will answer.  Three."

    "Uh, okay.  You mentioned two already, who was the third?"

    "I already told you.  My buddy in high school that I experimented
with."

    "Did you love them?"

    "At the time, I thought I did.  Otherwise, I wouldn't have had sex with
them.  I am old fashioned that way.  I don't believe in sex with someone
unless love is involved.  I think it is a necessary part of sex.  Otherwise
it is just getting your rocks off, and you can do that with your hand.  No
need to possibly hurt someone with a mindless fuck."

    "Oh.  So you should love someone before you have sex with them?"

    "That's what I believe.  Sex can have so many emotions tied into it
that it is dangerous to do otherwise.  Sex can make you think you love a
person when you really don't.  You are actually just in love with the
feelings you have from sex.  And that can lead to real problems."

    "Like what?"

    "Well, personally, I think that is why there are so many divorces these
days.  People get married because they are in love with the sex, but not
the person.  Then when they start learning about the other person, they
realize what a mistake it was to commit to each other and get married."

    "Is that why there is a lot of divorces now?  Seems like half the kids
in school only have one parent."

    "I think that is one of the reasons for divorce.  There are many
others.  But so many just say they fell out of love with their partner.  I
think what they really mean is the sex isn't great anymore, and they never
did really like the person.  And if there are children involved, then they
can be damaged by the ensuing divorce.  That's the real shame, because the
kids love the person, mommy and daddy, as their parents.  They can't
understand why mommy and daddy suddenly don't like each other any more.
And some kids think it's their fault, that somehow they caused mommy and
daddy to fight all the time, or to stop loving each other.  And when that
happens it really messes up a kid's mind.  They are too young to realize
that it is really not their fault."

    "Oh.  I think I see.  Kids think it is their fault their parents
divorce, when really it is because their parents loved the sex and not each
other.  So then why don't they just keep having sex?"

    "Because the more you have sex with a person you don't love, the more
it becomes like a chore.  But if you truly love the person, then sex is
only one small part of how you show your love.  When you give your heart to
someone, you and that person become almost one."

    "SO why don't you just have sex with someone once or twice, then find
someone else?  That way it won't get boring."  As if sex could ever get
boring.  Not for me, no sirree.

    "That is what a lot of people do.  But I don't.  To me love and sex
cannot be separated.  I cannot have sex with a stranger, or someone I don't
already like as a person.  Besides, you're asking for trouble if you have
lots of different sex partners."

    "Like what?"

    "First of all, and probably the most important thing to remember, is
that the more sexual partners you have, the more likely that you will catch
a sexually transmitted disease, or STD.  And those can be very nasty.  And
for some there is no cure yet, so if you catch it then you pass it on to
every one else you have sex with.  I will show you a site on the internet
that will explain all the possible diseases there are, and there's a bunch.
We can look at the site together, so I can answer questions you might
have."

     "Oh, like AIDS?"

     "AIDS is not always transmitted by sex, but that is the most common
way in this country.  We can look that up too."

     "Oh."

     "And there are other problems associated with moving from partner to
partner.  There are usually emotional feelings that go along with sex.  One
person could fall in love, or at least think he is, and the other could
care less.  That would hurt."

    "Yeah, that would.  So how do you show your love besides sex?"

    "That is so hard to explain, much easier to demonstrate.  For example.
I love someone and I want to give that person everything I can: food,
shelter, money, friendship, companionship.  I want that person to feel like
they can do or say anything to me and not worry that I will stop loving
them.  And that they are safe and won't be forced to do things that they
don't want to do. That person doesn't have to worry about their next meal,
or if they will have clothes to wear, or a place to sleep.  That no matter
how badly they act up, I will forgive them and still love them. That I
would give up everyting I have, including my life, for them.  And that my
love for them will go on forever.  That for as long as that person lives,
they will have a piece of my heart inside them."

    "Wow."

    "And do you know who that person is?"

    I looked at Tom and tears were rolling down his cheeks.  Dare I hope?
My throat suddenly became so dry I could barely get it out.  "Is it me?"

    "Yes."


TBC...