Date: Sat, 7 Jun 2003 15:44:55 -0700 (PDT)
From: No Label <zero78245d@sbcglobal.net>
Subject: Donny - Chapter 31

This story may contain descriptions of true love between a man and a youth
and may be illegal where you live.  Download and possess at your own risk.

This story is completely fictional.  Characters in it may resemble living
persons but that would be completely by accident because I really don't
know any one like the characters in this story.  But I'd like to, so if you
resemble one of these characters please drop me a line.  Or if you have
comments, suggestions, or critisisms then let me know.  I do try to answer
all emails.

Please do not reproduce this story without my permission.

As always, many thanks to my friend the Alienist.  He keeps me going in the
right direction with 'Donny'.  Good luck with your move.

Feedback is what makes the grass grow, the birds sing, the flowers bloom,
the writer happy and in a writing mood.  So drop a line to me at
zero78245d@sbcglobal.net and get me in the mood.

It is summer, and my kids are visiting so chapters may be slower in coming
for a couple months.  Please understand and allow me to spend time with the
ones who mean most in my life for the short time they are here.  Thanks.


Donny - Chapter 31


    Things did move very slowly those first few months.  It didn't take
long to decide that none of the buildings could be converted into a house
for the Bowens adequately so plans were made for a completely new
structure.  It was also decided to add a couple wings on our house and the
Bowens' for the kids rather than a seperate dormitory.  However, the
existing buildings would be converted into a huge kitchen and dining area
for group get togethers, a wood shop, an auto repair facility, library, and
medical center.  Also a complete gym would be added to the pool house along
with reconfiguring the shower and locker rooms.

    Dad worked with the rancher who was leasing the grazing rights to move
the fences further from the buildings.  It ended up that the campus for the
ranch would be about 75 acres (lot's of room for future expansion) and Dad
would retain rights to use the grazing land for hiking and four-wheeling.

    It wasn't until November before the first shovel of dirt was moved.  I
thought it was taking too long, but Dad kept telling me that this was the
fast track.  I guess adults are used to taking years to build anything, but
I wanted it faster.  Dad kept explaining to me that all the permits to
build and gathering of materials takes time but I knew that there were kids
that needed help now so I kept pushing.  Dad would laugh, shake his head,
and then push right along with me.

    The really neat thing was Dad involved me in every process that came up
so I felt like I was making a meaningful contribution.  Sometimes I felt
like I was swimming in quicksand though.

    In the meantime our swim team was doing great.  It looked like we were
going to receive an invitation to the state champoinship meet in Dallas in
December.  Chet spent every weekend at the ranch so we could get good
practice in and our times steadily improved.  Of course we also relieved
our stress during those visits, a lot of stress, hehe.

    Then, just before Halloween, the worst thing in the world happened.
Well, almost anyway.  Hey, it was bad for me.  The Sadie Hawkins Day Dance
was coming up the week before Thanksgiving break, and a girl asked me to
the dance.  Me.  And not just any girl.  Paula.  I guess it should have
been easier since I already knew her and her family, but I had seen her
naked!  How could I dance with someone I had seen naked?  Especially if
it's a slow dance.  You know, where we actually have to hold each other.

    Yeah, yeah.  We had touched each other in the pool, when playing games
and stuff.  But this was different.  So intimate.  I mean, I know how to
dance, Dad had taught me.  So I knew what would happen.  Our bodies would
touch, and rub up against each other.  How could I do THAT with someone I
had seen naked?  And a girl!  Shit, just the thought makes my balls want to
climb up through my body into my throat.

    She asked me at school right after our last class while waiting for our
buses (luckily we rode different buses) in front of all my classmates.  I
was like a deer caught in the headlights. No escape.  I had to say yes.
Then stew on it all the home on the bus.

    Of course, Dad was right there when I came through the kitchen for my
snack.

    "Hi son.  How was school today?  Anything earth-shattering?"  Same
greeting as every day, but you don't get asked to a dance by a girl every
day.  I must have had that frightened deer look again.

    "Ah, okay, I guess."

    Dad did a classic double take when he glanced up from the stove.
"Donny, what's wrong?  You get in a fight or something?"

    "Uh, no Dad.  Nothing's wrong.  Uh, gotta go.  Homework, you know."

    "Hold it there, bud."  Shit.

    "Yeah Dad?"

    "What happened?  You look like you just swallowed a skunk.  Come on,
fess up."

    "Ah, nothing, Dad.  Ah, nothing's wrong.  Honest."

    "Donny."

    You know the tone.  If you are like me you have heard it more than
once.  That don't shit a bull shitter tone.  Crap.

    "Well, one thing did happen."

    "Come on, Donny.  Don't make me have to torture you to get it out of
you.  What is it?  Grades?  A fight?  What?"

    Gulp.  Here goes nothing.  "No, Dad."  Maybe I can just pass it off as
no big deal.  "I got invited to the Sadie Hawkins Day Dance, that's all."

    Oh shit.  Dad grins, then gets that I'm-so-proud-of-you-son,
you're-growing-up look.  "Great. By a girl?"

    No shit, Dad.  Isn't that what Sadie Hawkins Day is?  "Yeah.  Homework
now."

    "Stop right there, son.  Come on, give me the details."

    "Aw, Dad.  It's just a dance.  No big deal."

    "My son's first date?  No big deal?  Details, Donny.  Who?  Do I know
her?  Did you say yes?"

    "Yeah you know her, and yeah I said yes.  Can I go now?"

    Dad's eyebrows shot to the top of his head, and that silly grin just
got wider.  Parents.

    "Spill it.  Who?"

    "Paula."

    "All riiight.  My son on his first date."  He reached for me to give me
a hug.  I twisted away.

    "Daad.  It's not all right.  I've seen her naked.  And she's a girl."

    "And?"

    "And I'm gay, all right?  You know.  As in, hate girls, like boys.
This is the worst day of my life.  Just shoot me, okay?"

    "Donny."  It came out like a shot.  Dad grabbed my shoulders and turned
me to face him.  His face looked torn between anger and horror.  oh shit.
Deke.  Big time fuck up.

    I slipped into his arms and buried my face in his chest, tears running
hot down my cheeks.  "I'm sorry, Dad.  I didn't mean that.  I'm sorry."

    I felt Dad heave a big sigh.  "No, Donny.  I'm sorry.  I shouldn't have
reacted like that.  Come, let's go sit and talk."

    He led me into the living room and sat in the recliner.  I crawled into
his lap and laid my head on his chest.  Yeah, I'm fifteen and I'm sitting
on my Dad's lap.  So sue me.  It's the safest and best place I know.

    "So, which is bothering you the most?  The fact that you have seen
Paula naked, or that you are gay?"

    "Being gay doesn't bother me."

    "Then why are you so upset about being asked to the dance?"

    "Well, I am gay.  At least, I'm pretty sure I am.  I mean, I like
looking at boys better than girls anyway.  Girls just seem yucky somehow."

    Dad chuckled.  "Somehow, I know what you mean."

    I snuggled closer.  "Am I supposed to feel this way?"

    Dad gave me a hug.  "Son, no one can tell you how to feel.  Each and
every one of us feels different in each situation.  Remember what we talked
about the first time you saw the girls?"

    "Yeah.  You said when you fall in love it doesn't really matter what
sex the person you love is."

    "That's right.  But there is more to it than that.  You also have to
love yourself or you will not be able to love that other person completely.
That means if the the person you love is the same sex as yourself, then you
have to accept yourself for what you are and who you love.  Not what other
people say who you are supposed to love."

    "I have accepted that I am gay.  I think.  I mean, I am happy with the
person I love.  And I love the feelings I get around him.  I am happiest
when I am with him.  And I never want to be away from him, ever."

    Dad pushed me away so he could look me in the eyes.  "You have a boy
you love?  Is it Chet?"

    "No.  I mean, I love Chet.  But as a friend, someone I can tell almost
anything to.  Besides, he's straight as an arrow.  He got asked to the
dance yesterday and you should see him.  Smiling and all happy like he won
the lottery because it was the girl he likes but was afraid she didn't like
him."

    "So who is this mystery boy?"

    "No boy, Dad."  It's time.  And I do love him with all my heart and
soul.  "You."

    Dad got a funny look on his face.  "Er, son.  I know you love me like I
am your real father. And I love you."

    "No, Dad.  I mean, yeah, I love you as my dad.  But I love you more
than that.  Shit, I don't know how to say it."

    "Donny, are you trying to say you are in love with me?"

    "Yeah.  When I am with you I get the happiest feelings in my stomach.
And warm.  And safe.  I feel like I cannot be away from you.  And I want to
make love to you.  And I want you to make love to me."

    I was staring straight into Dad's eyes as I spoke those words.  I could
see in his eyes those same words back to me.

    "Son, I love you very, very much.  But..."

    "No, Dad.  I can see it in your eyes.  You love me like I love you.  It
doesn't matter that you are my dad.  I can see it."

    "Oh, Donny."  Dad pulled me into his chest again.  "I can't love you
like that.  I have been charged with your proper growth and upbringing.
It's wrong."

    "No, Dad.  It's not wrong.  And you do love me.  I can see it."

    Dad jumped up, pushing me onto the floor.  "Nooo."  He ran from the
room and I heard his bedroom door slam.

    Fuck.  I did it again.  I just rolled over on the floor and cried.  My
hands soon became sore from pounding.  I finally cried myself out but
continued to lay on the floor.

    Suddenly I heard a knock on the kitchen door but couldn't find the
strength to move.  Doctor Bob's voice came from the kitchen.

    "Anybody home?  Hallo?  Oh shit.  Who left this on the stove?"

    I suddenly could smell burning from the kitchen.  I looked up just as
the smoke alarm went off.  Doctor Bob opened the door again and swung it
back and forth trying to blow the smoke out.

    The smoke alarm shut off quickly, but I couldn't find the strength to
pick myself up off the floor.

    Doctor Bob walked out of the kitchen and saw me lying on the floor.
"Donny!  Are you all right?  What's going on?"

    I dropped my head to floor again and began sobbing anew.  Doctor Bob
lifted me up and laid me gently on the couch.

    "Donny, are you hurt?"  I shook my head.  "Where's Tom?"

    "He...he...his room."  I couldn't stop crying again.

    Doctor Bob rushed back to Dad's bedroom door and tried the knob but it
was locked.

    "Tom.  Tom.  Let me in.  Can you open the door?"

    I could hear a muffled voice from beyond the door.  Doctor Bob backed
across the hall and rushed shoulder first into the door, tearing the
stripping from around the door.  The door itself slammed against the wall.
Doctor Bob entered the room.

    A minute later he came back out and grabbed the phone.  After jabbing
in the numbers he started pacing back and forth, muttering "Come on, come
on.  Answer the phone, damn it."  Suddenly he stopped.  "This is Bob.  Let
me talk to your mother."

    A moment later, "Phyl, this is Bob.  I need you at Tom's, stat....No,
both of them....Okay."


TBC