Date: Sun, 16 May 2010 13:48:03 -0700
From: Dolphin Dan
Subject: Gary and Casey's Long Goodbye

GARY AND CASEY'S LONG GOODBYE

By Dolphin Dan

*** WARNING *** This story contains descriptions of consensual sexual acts
between members of the same gender.  If it is illegal or morally
objectionable for you to view this material, please do not continue.

***  ***  ***

(I collect people's stories of their sexual experiences, particularly males
with other males.  This is a story told to me a couple of years ago by a
friend of mine I'll call Gary.  I've embellished a little bit, added
details and changed names but it's essentially true.  I've written the
story from Gary's point of view, very much as he told me.)

Years ago I had a sexual relationship with Casey, my ex-girlfriend's son,
that lasted over 14 years.  The relationship began when I was 28 and Casey
was 12 but continued well into his adulthood.  What happened between us was
entirely consensual, and the part of it that happened before Casey was
of-age was not 'child abuse'--in fact if anything it was he who molested
me.  That sounds strange but it is true.

This was when I was living in suburban Indiana and working as a mechanic.
I was dating my girlfriend, Jeanine, who had Casey out of wedlock when she
was in high school.  I was a biker then, long hair, wore leather clothes
and such and I met Jeanine at a metal concert.  Casey was a headbanger too,
he was very cute with long hair and sea-green eyes.  Jeanine didn't make
much money, worked as a waitress, and lived in a trailer way out in a rural
area.  It wasn't even like a mobile home, but more like a large RV.  When
she and I got serious about each other I began to stay over at her trailer
a lot, mainly because my roommates (I lived in an apartment) had cats and
she was allergic to them.  Casey kind of had his own area closed off by
curtains but it wasn't really that private, how private could you be in a
trailer.  I didn't mind and Jeanine said Casey was old enough to know what
was going on between us, so we didn't really go much out of our way to
shield the fact that we were having sex there.  (I would have felt really
uncomfortable about it if he was younger, but you had to know Jeanine, she
was street-smart and raised a street-smart kid).

Jeanine often had to work early Sunday mornings, and one time, I guess it
was in the fall because I remember gold leaves outside the trailer, I was
sleeping in after she had gone to work.  We'd had sex the night before.  To
this day I have no idea what it was that caught Casey's interest but I
guess he must have heard us having sex during the night and was probably
watching us.  All I know is, I was sprawled on the bed in the main room,
naked, with the covers lying half off me so my crotch was exposed.  I was
kind of groggy and sleepy and I remember waking up and feeling a hand on my
cock.  I didn't open my eyes because I was still kind of in that
half-sleepy, half-awake phase, and for a while I thought it must have been
Jeanine, but then I knew it had to be Casey.  He was kneeling on the carpet
in front of the bed and feeling me up.  His hand was warm and felt good.  I
remained very still but I couldn't help getting hard.  I think he was
really fascinated by my dick, especially by its size (I don't have an
unusually large cock but obviously it was much bigger than his at age 12).
He played with it for a few minutes, running his hands over it and fondling
my balls.  Then he let go.  I heard the curtain that separated his "room"
from the main part of the trailer being pulled back.  I never moved or
opened my eyes and I was pretty sure he thought I was asleep.

The incident was strange but I didn't think much of it, and surely I didn't
mention it to him or to Jeanine.  Then about two weeks later it happened
again.  Once again, a Sunday morning, Jeanine at work, and me naked in her
bed laying on my back.  This time I heard the curtain being pulled back as
he came out, but it was a long time before he moved.  I think he was trying
to determine if I was asleep.  When he was convinced I was, he came to the
side of the bed like he'd done before and started feeling up my cock which
quickly got hard.  He was a little more bold this time and played with it
longer.  He rolled my balls in his palm and even jerked me off a little.
He liked to pull my foreskin (I'm uncut) up over the head and then back
down again.  Finally I shifted position slightly, and Casey let go of me
and darted for his own room.  I did open my eyes and saw the curtain being
pulled back.  I pulled the covers up over me.  Not long after I heard Casey
masturbating in his "room."  He was doing it right on top of his bed, and
must have known that if I was awake I'd hear him.  Casey sometimes pushed
limits, did it a lot with his mom, and this was one of those times.  He
wanted to see if I'd yell at him or tell him to stop.  I didn't.  In fact I
went back to sleep, and once again I never mentioned the incidents to him
or anyone.

The next week I stayed over Casey was sleeping over at a friend's and
wasn't there, but the conditions of his "explorations" were duplicated
again the week after that.  This time I kind of invited it.  When I woke
up, it was probably 6:30 in the morning, I deliberately pulled the covers
off and lay there on top of the covers with my legs spread and my package
perfectly visible.  I can't say that I was really hoping Casey would molest
me again, but it wouldn't have bothered me--I admit when he did it the
first two times it felt good, and it was sort of a forbidden sexual
experience that I'd never had before.  (I had been with guys a few times
back in my early 20s but nothing serious).  Sure enough, he took the bait.
I kept my eyes closed but didn't really make that much pretense of being
asleep.  I guess my cock wanted his attention more than my brain did,
because this time I was hard before he started, having heard the curtain
being pulled back again.  He knelt down by the side of the bed and took my
dick in his hands.  I wonder if he'd been practicing because he did it
differently now, one hand on my balls and the other jerking me off with a
slow steady motion.  The other times he just sort of played.  This time it
seemed he was on a mission to make me cum.  I shifted position a little,
and he stopped stroking, but when I was still and didn't say anything he
continued.  He did a pretty good job of jacking me off, at least as good as
his mother did.  I tried to control my breathing but I'm sure I was panting
just a little as I approached orgasm.  I came all over my belly and his
hand.  I have no idea whether he could cum himself, but he must have been
fascinated by what I put out.  When I was done there was sperm all over me
and leaking down my slackening dick into my pubic hair.  He made no effort
to clean me up and darted back into his area.  I expected to hear him
jerking off within seconds, and he did.  He grunted when he came.  Casey
was no dummy.  I think he knew I was awake for at least part of his hand
job, and now he knew I wouldn't yell at him and that I wanted it too,
though talking about it was still taboo.

The week after that it started to get into a routine.  Just hearing that
curtain being pulled back--it was always about 7:30 in the morning--was
enough to get me hard.  This time I had my eyes open.  Casey was dressed
only in his underwear, just plain white briefs like kids wear.  He looked
at me and our eyes met but neither of us said anything.  He knelt down by
the bed and I spread my legs and put my hands behind my head.  He took my
cock in his hands and jacked me really good.  The feeling of pleasure from
him was really pretty intense.  I moaned a little bit.  He felt up my balls
and loved to play with my foreskin, drawing it down over the head of my
penis and then pulling it back again.  I wished I could have made it last
longer but I came pretty fast that morning.  After I came I lay there, and
I saw Casey stand up.  He was rubbing his crotch and I could see the
outline of his little cock through his underwear.  He was obviously turned
on and really needed to cum.  I said the first words either one of us said
since the thing began, and I just said, "You can do it here."  Casey
whipped off that underwear like it was burning his skin.  His penis was
about three inches long fully hard.  He was cut, which was why I knew he
was fascinated by my foreskin.  He took his little dick in his hand and
started stroking furiously.  I said one other thing, "Don't get it on the
carpet," and he didn't.  He came into the underwear he'd just been wearing.
I have no idea how much he came, probably not much because he was young,
but it must have been something because he needed the briefs to catch it.
When he was done he went back into his room.  I cleaned up with some paper
towels and then went back to sleep.

This continued to happen a couple more times over the next two months or
so.  It wasn't every week because in Jeanine's schedule she was sometimes
off on Sunday mornings, or Casey was gone at a friend's house or visiting
his father.  But when the two of us were alone, more often than not he'd
come out in the morning and jack me off.  I estimate it happened about
eight or nine times total, and not a single word was said between us about
it or while it was happening.  That was the weirdest thing, we never
talked.  I specifically remember the last time.  He was jacking me off
really good, but then toward the end he slid my cock into his mouth.  I was
really surprised at that and kind of hesitant--it was like crossing some
kind of line that I didn't think we should cross.  If he had asked me if he
could blow me I'd have said no, and I think he knew that, so he just went
ahead and did it, and he did it at the very end so it would be harder (try
impossible!) for me to stop.  My balls were tightening up and I knew I had
about two or three seconds before I blew my load.  Crafty kid!  I didn't
try to stop him and I came in his mouth.  It was one of the most powerful
orgasms I'd ever had.  I don't think he was really prepared for it because
when I was done ejaculating he immediately bolted for the kitchen area
(only a few feet away in that small trailer) and I heard him spitting and
gagging.  After he washed it down the sink he retreated back into his area
and closed the curtain.  That was unusual too, usually he jacked off right
after he finished me.  I'm sure he must have masturbated because his dick
was still rock-hard, visible in his briefs, but I didn't hear him.  I think
he knew that maybe he went too far and I was uncomfortable.

That incident got me thinking about what was happening and I decided it
wasn't right.  If Casey ever told anybody about what was going on in the
trailer on Sunday mornings, no one would care that he was the one who
started it and I'd end up on a sex offender list.  I already had a record
for drug-related stuff years ago and a bar fight in Columbus, and a child
abuse rap would consign me to loserville forever.  The next Sunday that
Jeanine had to work I got up early with her and took her to work, and then
went home.  Lucky for everybody, she quit her job that week and went to
work at another place with a totally different schedule.  I still hung
around the trailer a lot and Casey was often there, but it was never the
two of us alone together.  We never talked about it and we both went on
like it had never happened.  By now Casey was going with some girl at his
school, and he seemed sincere about her, so of course I wasn't going to
mention anything.  By the time summer vacation came around Jeanine and I
split up.

Three years and several failed relationships later, though, we got back
together.  We had remained friends during the whole time we weren't dating,
and then one night we were like, "Well, want to give it another try?" and
we decided yes.  By now Jeanine had a real house and I had a better job so
things were much different.  Casey was 15, in high school and had turned
into a standard headbanger kid.  What happened between us never entered my
mind when I was getting back with Jeanine.  It was something that happened
and it was over.

Then one day Jeanine asked me to pick him up at school.  I happened to be
off and she was working, so I took her car and got Casey at school.  We
listened to some old Deep Purple, talked about bands and motorcycles and
stuff.  Then out of the blue he asked me, "Can I blow you?"  He wasn't even
looking at me when he said it; he was looking out at the road.  He said we
could pull over somewhere where people wouldn't see and he'd give me a blow
job.  Instantly I was conflicted.  I admit I kind of wanted it, and I was
already semi hard, but I knew it was the wrong thing to do.  I reacted
angrily.  Don't remember what I said but basically I told him no way.  He
didn't mention it again.  When I got home I jacked off like crazy.  I
couldn't help it.  But I wasn't going to go back into that situation.

The second time around in a relationship never works as well as the first,
and Jeanine and I split up again about two months later, this time for
good, and she moved to Arizona.  But, like before, we stayed friends.
She'd call me every couple of months.  One time she talked about Casey and
talked about the terrible problems she was having with him.  He'd had a
problem with alcohol and drugs (he was now 17) and then snapped out of that
very quickly and totally went the other direction.  He cut his hair and
started going to a fundamentalist church and was really judgmental, he'd
yell at his mom that she was living her life sinfully and all of that crap.
Poor kid obviously was confused.  When I heard this I was really disturbed
because now he was in a very anti-gay environment and I was afraid he was
going to tell somebody that I molested him (again, nobody would care that
the reverse was true).  It occurred to me that Casey could blackmail me for
the rest of my life with this bullshit.  Nothing happened though and
Jeanine didn't mention much about him after that, so I let it drop.

Fast-forward about a year.  I was 35 now.  By now Jeanine and I had lost
touch and I'd moved too, down to Florida to try to start over (I started a
motorcycle shop).  One day out of the blue I got a phone call from Casey
who was now 18.  He said his mom was dying of breast cancer.  I got in
touch with her but it was already almost too late and she passed away
within a few weeks.  She was the same age as me, 35.  I flew to Flagstaff
for the funeral.  Evidently Casey's church phase didn't last long because
he was again in jeans and rock T-shirts, had a little goatee and was trying
to grow his hair again.  Casey kind of took to me at the funeral and that
weekend.  There was the wake and then the day after that there was sort of
a dinner, Jeanine's brother took everybody out to Outback Steakhouse.
Casey and I got along real well and it was obvious he was very confused
about what was going to happen to him next.  I had a couple of beers at
Outback, and Casey and I got talking about his mom, music, motorcycles,
lots of stuff.  He asked if he could come back to my motel.  I said, sure,
why not.  I wasn't thinking about sex at all and I don't think he was
either.

We got two six-packs of beer and were drinking and talking late into the
night.  After a while Casey pretty much passed out.  I laid him out on the
bed in my motel room and I realized I had a raging hard-on.  I shouldn't
have done it--I was drunk--but I started to unbutton Casey's jeans.  He
wore boxer briefs now, the kind with a button fly.  I rubbed my own
hardening dick through my pants as I gently touched his package through his
underwear.  The whole time I was rationalizing to myself, "It's OK, he's 18
now, it's OK, he probably wants this anyway!" but part of me felt terrible
about it.  Still I couldn't stop myself.  I pulled off his T-shirt.  He had
a beautiful smooth chest and perfect round nipples.  I unzipped my fly and
took my own cock out.  I rubbed my tip against his nipples and down his
smooth belly.  I had no idea how turned on I was, and a moment later I was
horrified when I felt an orgasm coming and I blew my load all over Casey's
stomach.  He was still unconscious.  I went to the bathroom, got a hand
towel and cleaned all my sperm off him.  Some had landed on his underwear
and I hoped to God it wouldn't stain and that he'd notice it in the
morning.  He stirred but never woke up.  I pulled off his jeans, pulled
back the covers and got him into bed.  (The room had 2 separate beds).  I
went to bed too.  In the middle of the night I woke up and heard him
snoring.  Just him being so close, and thinking of what I could do to him
if I wanted, my dick was hard as steel.  I was so aroused I had to jack off
under the covers.  I didn't do anything of course, but it was really
difficult to restrain myself.

In the morning everything was fine (except for Casey's hangover) and of
course I never told him anything.  I was flying back to Florida that day
and he was going back to Indiana with his dad.  We promised to keep in
touch.

Two months later a package showed up at my motorcycle shop.  It was from
Casey, from Indiana.  Inside was a cassette tape, a copy of a demo by a
band that Casey had started.  Inside the tape case was a note.  It just
said, "I wish you had done more.  Love, Casey."  It also gave a phone
number.  You could interpret that any number of ways but it was obvious
what he meant.  Whether he'd been awake when I molested him in the motel
room or (more likely) he found a stain on his underwear and figured
something must have happened while I was undressing him, obviously it was
something he wanted.  I waited about three weeks and then called him.  We
talked for an hour.  He was attending community college and working with
his band.  Throughout the conversation I was afraid to get to the point.
Finally I thought, fuck it, this is ridiculous.  We're both adults (at
last, thank God!) and we both want this.  So I said, "Do you want to come
down here to visit for a weekend?"  He said, "Sure, that'd be great."  Just
like that.  It was like a barrier had been broken.  Now we weren't afraid
of each other.

I flew him down to Orlando about a month later for a long weekend.  We
didn't even make it home from the airport.  "I can't wait," he said.  "I've
been waiting for this for years."  I told him to put his jacket over his
lap and pull his dick out of the fly of his jeans.  While I was
driving--this was like 5PM, heavy traffic on the freeway--I reached over
under his jacket.  It seems amazing, I mean, we had been doing sexual stuff
for 6 years now, but I had never touched Casey's erect dick before.  I
started to masturbate him and he just went crazy, moaning and stuff.  I
told him to stay still and keep quiet.  He came in my hand, a huge load.  I
remember the feeling of his hot cum spurting all over my hand and the
sighing sound he made.  He was really in heaven.  He said he wanted to jerk
me off or even suck me right there in the car but we couldn't find a way to
do it while I was driving.  When we got to my place as soon as we got in
the door he slammed me up against the door and was getting on his knees,
undoing my belt.  The feeling of him sliding my rock-hard cock into his
mouth--exactly like he did six years before--was pure joy.  He took me all
the way down.  I came at the back of his throat.  The pleasure was so
incredible it almost split my head apart.

We fucked every way we could think of for about three days straight.  We
did it all.  I sucked Casey's cock, he sucked mine, sometimes we 69'd.  He
begged me to take his ass, and I did, and while we were doing it he begged
me to cum inside of him, and I did that too.  It was fucking incredible.  I
let him get into my ass too, and he's still the only guy I've ever let do
that.  We fucked on the bed, on the floor, on the couch, in the shower,
everywhere.  On Sunday afternoon I brought him to the bike shop and I
fucked him while he was bent over the frame of a '54 Harley I was
restoring.  Once he jacked me off into a glass, poured a little Jack
Daniel's into it and did a shot of whisky and sperm.  That was creative.
We showered together and he shaved my balls for me, right before dropping
to his knees and giving me the best blow job I've ever had.  By the time I
took him back to the airport (I masturbated him on the way, of course) I
couldn't cum another drop and my dick and my asshole were both sore.  But
it was awesome, one of the best weekends I'd ever had.

Still, as great as this was, it was all happening kind of in the background
of both our lives.  We didn't think about each other obsessively or even
much at all.  It's not like we were going to be a couple or anything.  I
was 35 and he was 18.  From outward appearances we were both straight.  I
mean, I never intended to give up women, and though Casey was probably
"gayer" than I was, he was still interested in girls.  So it wasn't a
relationship and it wasn't going to be.

It was another year before I saw Casey again.  We talked a few times and
once we had phone sex which was really hot.  But it wasn't until the next
summer (he was 19, I was 36) that I saw him in person.  Again I flew him
down to Orlando for a weekend.  It was pretty much the same story as the
first time except we took a trip and got a hotel room on Key West this
time.  This second time he wasn't so much into fucking me but he always
wanted me in his ass, over and over again.  It was interesting, though,
that on this trip we talked for the first time about things that happened
in the trailer years ago when his mother was still alive.  He said it took
him weeks to get up the courage to touch me that first time and he was sure
I was going to react badly, but he was willing to accept whatever
punishment he'd receive because he wanted to do it so much.  He also told
me more about the motel room incident.  When he woke up after passing out
that night he realized I had done something to him, and he even came over
to my bed and felt me up through my underwear while I was sleeping.  He
said he had to go to the bathroom and jack off.  Probably when he went to
bed again was when I woke up and jacked off, because what he'd done got me
aroused in my sleep and I remembered waking up with an erection so hard it
almost hurt.  It was fun recounting these old memories, learning a little
bit more about things that were now in the past.

Two more years passed.  My motorcycle shop went under and I got a job
selling Harleys in Orlando, at a dealership that I eventually bought years
later.  Casey struggled through community college but eventually
transferred to a 4-year college in Indiana.  For most of this period he had
a long-term girlfriend so we didn't talk much.  Then one night, real late
on a Friday night, he called.  It was a little awkward because my own
girlfriend Rhonda was living with me at that point, but I talked to him.
His girlfriend had dumped him and I think he was a little drunk.  He said
that I was the only person he'd really loved, that I was more of a "dad"
than his real dad, and he wanted to be with me forever, real sappy stuff.
I talked him down from this and told him, look, we've had fun but don't
make it out to be more than it is.  I said, I'm not your dad and I can't
love you the way you think you want me to which isn't really what you want
either.  He called the next day and agreed I was right and that he was
sorry.  When he hung up I had a feeling I would never hear from him again.

That was almost true, because it was a long time.  After I got serious with
Rhonda I told her about Casey (I had told her at the beginning that I'd had
some experiences with men) and she was okay with it.  When we decided to
get married, three years into our relationship, I really struggled with
whether or not to invite Casey to the wedding.  Finally I decided I would.
I'd long ago lost Casey's number and figured he'd moved anyway, but I
searched for him on the internet and found him.  I sent a wedding
invitation with just a short personal note, nothing sexual or anything
suggesting that I wanted that.  He responded with an email.  He was doing
well, he was now 27 and wound up working at a rock climbing gym in
Indianapolis.  He had his own long term girlfriend and he said he was
thinking of marrying her.  This put me at ease because it gave us both
excuses to not jump into bed.  I called him on the phone and we talked for
a long time, hours, never about sex, but we traded reminiscences about his
mom, now dead 9 years, and music and everything else we used to talk about.
It was really great talking to him, and I was happy he was coming to the
wedding but still a little reticent that we wouldn't be able to help
ourselves from going to far.

When he showed up for the wedding, his girlfriend Keiko with him, he looked
terrific. I'd gotten fat and my long hair was now gray, I was 41, but
Casey's sea-green eyes were still happy and inviting, and he was toned and
fit and looked like a movie star.  I admit that if he had wanted to full-on
fuck me I probably would have done it.  But, at the reception, he cornered
me and he said, "You know what I'd like to do?  Get together, just you and
me, and talk sometime.  Nothing else, but just talk."  I thought that
sounded great and it totally put me at ease, so I said, let's wait a couple
of months and then email me.  I got married, went on my honeymoon, and me
and Rhonda were happy.  Casey did email in about December with big news.
Not only was he getting married too, but he was moving to Japan!  That was
where his girlfriend's family was from, and she had gotten him a gig
teaching English over there.  Casey was real matter-of-fact.  He suggested
that I come to Indianapolis a couple days before his wedding.  We would get
a motel room, have some drinks "and chat."  I honestly didn't know if he
intended for more than that to happen.  There didn't seem anything strange
about it, me a married man and him engaged.  I agreed.

So, two nights before his wedding we got together at a Quality Inn.  We
brought some booze and just hung out.  We didn't have sex but we talked
about it--not about having sex then and there, but about our memories of
each other from years past.  We sat apart, in the dark, me on the bed and
him on a chair.  "Tell me everything you remember," he said.  We each told
each other the story of those Sunday mornings in the trailer from our
points of view and described everything in great detail.  It was
interesting hearing Casey talk about what my dick felt like in his hand or
what he was thinking when he saw me cum for the first time.  He laughed
when I talked about how small his dick looked to me or what it was like
hearing him masturbate behind the curtain after he jacked me off.  When we
were done talking we were both heavily buzzed from liquor and totally
horny.  "Let's not touch each other," he said, and I agreed.  We both got
on the bed together, put a towel between us, and jacked off together though
it was still dark and we couldn't see each other well.  When he came some
of Casey's sperm landed on my bare thigh and that send me over the edge.  I
came so hard it hurt.  It was really incredible.

He got married and went to Japan and I went back to my wife in Florida.  I
do occasionally hear from Casey.  When I finally got on Facebook he was one
of my first friends.  He's 34 now, still lives in Japan, still married, and
has two kids.  It sounds callous but it's not meant to be, but I don't want
to see him again in person.  Those times in the trailer happened almost 25
years ago now and some things are better left in the past.