Date: Mon, 22 Nov 1999 11:08:05 +0900
From: Andrej Koymasky <andrejkoymasky@geocities.com>
Subject: Foot 02

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HIS FOOT IN TOO MANY SHOES
by Andrej Koymasky (c) 1999
Written on June 10, 1995
translated by the Author
English text kindly revised
by a friend

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USUAL DISCLAIMER

"HIS FOOT IN TOO MANY SHOES" is a gay story, with some parts containing
graphic scenes of sex between males. So, if in your land, religion,
family, opinion and so on this is not good for you, it will be better
not to read this story.
But if you really want, or because YOU don't care, or because you think
you really want to read it, please be my welcomed guest.

-----------------------------

PART 2

9/7/1990, Monday
Saint Gratus

Orlando's family name is Valle. He came to my place today, and the
flower plant he gave me was in full bloom. I made him notice that --
five flowers, of a clear red-violet color, and so beautiful. Now it is a
little over midnight and he just left. He called around 7:30 to tell me
that he would be late. He arrived at 8:10 and apologized for being late.
He gave me the plastic folders and I gave him my little sculpture, and
he was happy. We ate supper. How nice he was! But I didn't dare to make
any advances. At 9:00 I had to make a long phone call and asked him if
he could wait while I made the phone call. "Sure." he said with a broad
smile. "Later, I will teach you a game," I told him. "All right."

I made my phone call. He sat on the sofa and listened to me while
smoking a cigarette. Then he fell asleep. When the call ended, I went
over to him and whispered his name. He was deeply asleep. So I sat near
him and started to caress his leg, continuing to whisper his name, but
nothing happened. I caressed his thigh, I wanted to go up more, to the
bulge under his jeans, but I didn't dare. I caressed his bare arm,
continuing to call his name in a low voice, but there was still no
response. He was so beautiful, so desirable! I would have liked to kiss
him, but I just caressed his cheek, continuing to call his name gently.
After a while, he opened his sleepy eyes, looked at me, turned towards
me... and kissed me on my mouth! So I embraced him, in silence. He held
me tight against him and his kiss was filled with real passion.
Gradually, we lay down on the sofa, caressing each other, kissing,
holding each other tightly. Then I started to undress him. Orlando let
me do it, panting with pleasure, kissing me and touching me all over.
Before long, we were both completely naked and tightly intertwined.
Orlando reacted to my shudders and moans and returned my caresses, my
kisses, my licking and sucking with real passion. I liked his young,
lean body very much, but even more the expressions on his face where I
could read his evident desire to give himself to me, to be taken by me.

I didn't take him right away, but tried to prolong these moments of
increasing pleasure. We intimately kissed and sucked each other for a
long time, excited each other to the point where we both were no longer
able to restrain ourselves. So I grabbed some gel and condoms, and he at
once offered himself to me, putting his legs on my shoulders. After
preparing him and putting on a condom, I penetrated him. I didn't know
which one of us was more in a bliss -- me slipping inside him, or him
feeling me inside himself.

He was embracing me very tightly and moaned aloud, happy with my
passionate motion deep inside him. God, how much I liked making love
with Orlando! I felt I was in love with him. After we both reached
climax, while happily relaxing, I told him I would like for him to
become my boyfriend (I really called him "my treasure"). With a sad
expression, he told me what I was afraid to hear, "But I already have a
lover..." I felt really dejected. He embraced me and said, "Yet I like
you so much..." "But you have a lover..." "What can I do, now?" he
murmured, more to himself than to me.

We remained naked, embracing in silence. We smoked a cigarette, then we
ate a cake and joked for a while. I gave him my picture and asked him to
bring me one of his pictures the next time we meet. Then, almost shyly,
he asked me if I felt like making love with him again, as he really
desired an encore. I desired him too! So we started again. "Fuck me!" he
was begging. I took him again. He said it was hurting somewhat. "It's so
big, yours..." he murmured, but he didn't want me to stop. "I love you."
I said to him while I was taking him. "Oh yes, you are so manly! I like
you so much!" he murmured. We reached a very intense climax again. Then,
while we were embracing and I was caressing him, he fell asleep. I would
have liked to take a picture of him. He was so sensual -- languidly
abandoned on the sofa, his tool now soft but beautiful, his hairless
body so desirable. After a while, I woke him up and he told me with
regret that he had only thirty more minutes to catch the last bus to his
apartment. He kissed me and we both were aroused again.

"When can we meet again?" I asked him. "Soon. I am going back to see my
family this weekend, but I will call you next week," he said sweetly,
caressing my face. Then he dressed. Before leaving, he embraced me
again, very tightly, and French-kissed me.

Now, I ask myself, am I just a simple (but enjoyable) adventure to him
or is he feeling something more for me? What is going to be my future
with Orlando? Will he make love with me again, while still remaining the
boy of that other man? Or will he decide to leave him to be my lover? I
know for certain that he madly enjoyed making love with me, and he told
me he liked me very much. He didn't want me to dress because he wanted
to see my naked body. But will he spend this weekend with his lover? Is
he making a comparison between that man and me? What will he decide?

I feel I'm falling in love with Orlando. In fact, Livio and Nuccio seem
less attractive to me now, and less interesting than before. I really
like Orlando a lot, and also his passionate way of making love. I'm
starting to dream of Orlando asking me one day if he could come to live
with me. I really am an incurable dreamer! Probably he will stay with
his lover and simply come to amuse himself with me from time to time. I
wouldn't really regret even this possibility, but I would really like
for him to become my boy. I like him so much.

Now he must have reached his apartment. I feel so happy having made love
with him! But what about him? When can we meet again? Perhaps next
Thursday? What will he tell me? Will he fall in love with me? Will he
make his choice? Maybe not right away, but what can I do to conquer him?
I mean, how to conquer his heart too? Yes, I'm already in love with
him...

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Dad's character is right here in these lines -- he felt he was in love
with Orlando and the other two boys were already starting to fade away.
And one can also see his need to give and to receive love.

I was fifteen (Dad was forty and Mom was thirty-five) when I told them
that I found out I was gay. I remember it very well. It was a late
evening, and I just got back from Donato's home. Donato was the captain
of my rowing team. On that day, he told me that to him I was the most
important member of our team. I was flattered but amazed -- I knew I was
not the best one, and I told him so. Then he put his hands on my
shoulders. And looking straight into my eyes, he told me that I was the
most important to him, because he was in love with me. And he asked me
if I wanted to become his boyfriend, and to make love with him. I never
thought of such things as making love before, but when I read the
desires and love in his eyes, I told him at once, hesitantly but firmly
(it could seem like a contradiction, but it was really so) that I would
be happy to be his boy. He took me to his bed and we made love. It was a
really beautiful experience because he was so tender. He took me without
hurting me, but instead, gave me so much joy and pleasure.

So, when I went back home, I felt I must tell my parents the wonderful
thing that had just happened to me -- I made love with a splendid boy
and we were in love.

"Dad, Mom, I fell in love!" I said excitedly and happily. "Very well."
Dad answered with a broad smile, "and who's the girl?" Mom was also
smiling. "It's not a girl, it's Donato, my captain." I said radiantly
and foolhardily.

Dad didn't change his expression, but Mom did -- she literally went
white as a ghost. Dad, who was looking at her (knowing her well, Dad
probably expected her reaction), asked me, "Are you sure you are really
in love? It could just be a strong admiration, don't you think?" "No,
no, I have made love with him." I answered, starting to look somewhat
hesitantly and worriedly at Mom's expression. Dad asked, "And did you
like it?" "Very much..." I answered more and more hesitantly. "Well, I'm
glad for you, Raffaele," Dad almost murmured.

"Glad? What are you saying?" Mom asked, speaking almost with difficulty.
"If Raffaele feels he is in love with Donato, and his love is returned,
and he enjoyed the physical aspect of it and he is happy... why
shouldn't I be glad about his happiness?" Dad gently asked her. "But...
but Gian-Maria, are you aware of what you are saying?" "Yes, Gabri, I am
perfectly aware. I want Raffaele to have a serene and happy life, and if
his happiness comes from Donato..."

"But..." Mom started to say, still angrily. Dad put his hand on her arm
in a caress, "Gabriella, if you want, we can talk about it later, you
and I. Anyway... thank you for telling us about it, Raffaele. I want you
to know that you can tell us anything without any worry... Now it's
late, wouldn't you like to go to your bed?"

Looking at Mom, I understood that Dad was giving me a suggestion, so I
bid them goodnight and went to my room. But I was all ears. I heard them
talking, although I was not able to catch their words. Dad had a gentle,
calm tone. Mom was slightly hysterical, but little by little, she calmed
down. In any case, she never shouted or talked aloud.

The next morning, Dad came to wake me up. He sat on my bed and told me
"Mom loves you very much, even if she has some difficulty accepting that
you are gay. As for me, the only thing I ask of you, is to live your
life in an honest and serene way..." and he gave me a very beautiful
speech about love, and about sexuality lived with love.

On that occasion he didn't tell me he was gay, or at least bisexual. It
was just not necessary, I think. He was living with Mom, and they fit
well. They really loved each other. His sexuality was entirely lived
with her and for her. And anyway, at that time, it was not a problem. He
advised me not to talk about my love and my sexuality with Mom, but at
the same time to hide nothing.

"Simply, if you need to confide, to talk, to open up yourself, to
discuss, to ask for advice, do it with me, not with her, at least for
the moment. I think it will be better this way." "Sure, Dad. And then,
between us men we can probably understand each other better." I answered
quietly and was grateful that he accepted me so fully. Nevertheless,
Mom's reaction brought me back to reality -- I knew it was not just her
that could have such a reaction, but the majority of the people, my
school mates, friends, relatives, teachers... almost everybody.

So from time to time after that day, when I felt the need or just the
pleasure, I talked with Dad about my sentimental and sexual life. And
because of this, I became aware that I was really lucky, having known
some other gay boys like me. Mom changed slightly towards me, but after
all, she accepted me as well, thanks to Dad, I think.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

9/9/1990, Tuesday
Saint Sergius

At the high school, I met Livio again during the painting class. Yes, I
like him very much, but I prefer Orlando. Livio is handsome, pleasant
and desirable. However, Orlando is more mature, while Livio is still
just a boy. Anyway, we arranged two more meetings, one for Thursday the
18th, he will come to my place for the painting lesson; and the other
for the 25th. On that occasion, we will go to Genua together to see the
port, and he will be my guide since he knows the port very well. Between
now and then, I will certainly meet with Orlando again, and perhaps also
with Nuccio. Everything is still open, even if I really hope that
Orlando accepts and returns my love. I feel more and more attracted to
Orlando. I only think about him -- Orlando and his saucy smile, his
passion when making love, his incredibly desirable body, and his strong
desire to have me inside him...

Would I one day be able to say "my Orlando"?

9/13/1990, Saturday
Saint John Chrisostomos

Orlando hasn't called, and only after several non-returned phone calls,
I found him at Gianni's place. We couldn't find a mutually convenient
time to meet this week, and I had the feeling that he hadn't really made
any effort to find the time to meet me. Or was it because he was at
Gianni's place and didn't want his friend to know about us? He didn't
want to tell his friend that he had made love with me? He didn't want to
commit himself? Tonight he had his supper at Gianni's place and neither
one of them thought to invite me. What does that mean? Could he have
told Gianni, and Gianni was not happy about us together? Or did Orlando
have second thoughts about the other day and is now repenting his
moments of weakness? After all, he is that Willy's boyfriend, right? Or
perhaps... No, I must wait, I just have to wait. The flowers on
Orlando's plant are almost withering; it almost seems like a sign...

I had planned to go to the "Pink Triangle" tonight, but now I don't feel
like going out any more. And after all, I am hoping that Orlando will
call me when he gets back home tonight, although I really don't think he
will. And yet all I do is thinking about Orlando. And all the other boys
I see, even the really beautiful ones, seem less attractive to me... I'm
really falling in love with Orlando. Would it be a hopeless love? One of
the many? I don't know, but I feel so sad. It has been raining all day
long, and maybe this also added to my sadness.

Now it is 7:47 p.m. and I feel like just going to bed. I think I will
really do that. At least I won't have to think, and time will pass
faster. The other day, after we made love, Orlando asked me if Gianni
would get angry if he knew about us. I told him that there was nothing
between Gianni and me and therefore I couldn't see why he would get mad
at us. But could Orlando be talking about Willy, because Gianni is
Willy's friend? Too many questions without answers... It will really be
better if I go to bed now. I hope I can fall asleep.

I'm really falling in love with Orlando, and I feel like crying. But
perhaps I'm being stupid, perhaps Orlando still cares about me, perhaps
it is just a matter of time. Or am I deceiving myself? I really don't
know what to think. And outside, it rains, rains, and rains, like the
inside of my heart. What a sadness!

9/16/1990, Tuesday
Saints Cornelius and Ciprianus

Orlando called me! He apologized for talking so little with me when he
was at Gianni's place, but he explained that it was just because he
didn't want Gianni to know about us. I told him that I changed my
schedule and I would be free tomorrow. Orlando immediately asked me (as
I had hoped) if we could meet. Since he likes to take a shower after
work and mine doesn't work, he invited me to his place. He said that we
could shower together (a nice thing, isn't it?) and then go get some
groceries and prepare our dinner. Then we could watch some videos... in
short, we could spend the whole evening together.

I just hope his Sicilian roommate won't be at home. I really desire so
much to make love with Orlando. He said that he hadn't told Gianni about
us yet, but he thought it would be better to tell him. I told him that
all these days I thought about nothing but him, and he seemed happy. He
was dear and gentle as always. My fears have been stupid, it seems.

I really did the right thing by changing tomorrow's schedule with the
hope of meeting him. But it's a pity that the shower at my place is
broken. I would have liked having him here more. Nevertheless, I don't
mind going to his place at least once. I like the idea of seeing where
he lives and how his place is. I will have to take him a small present,
perhaps the mini-lighter that he liked so much. I will give him the
small landscape I painted on another occasion. But maybe I should also
take him a plant?

Well, serenity is back. Now I can go to bed happy, and brood over this
happiness until 5:30 p.m. tomorrow, when we meet. We will meet at the
entrance of the bus station, so we can to go to his place together. I
have to wear something nice tomorrow, for him. We will meet in eighteen
hours, no, less than that. I hope time will pass quickly. I'm really
happy!!!

9/17/1990, Wednesday
Saint Charles

How did it go? Well, let's proceed in order. We had planned to meet at
5:30, but we met at 6:08 instead -- we were each waiting for the other
at different places, but luckily we met at last. Then he told me that
his roommate would be having dinner with us, and also invited his
boyfriend, Paolo, and a friend of his, Martino. Therefore, we would not
be alone. I was somewhat disappointed, but nevertheless happy to be able
to spend some time with Orlando. After we arrived at his place, he
called Gianni and invited him over for dinner, and he asked him if he
would stay overnight... I felt somewhat jealous -- I would have liked it
if he had asked me to stay and to sleep with him. I met his Sicilian
roommate, Michel (called Mik) -- he is likeable. Then Paolo and Martino
arrived, then Gianni. I gave Orlando a small red heart-shaped envelope
with the mini-lighter inside. He seemed really happy. Then we started to
cook. I went in the small kitchen to help Orlando while the other four
were chatting in the living room. And here I had the first surprise --
Orlando kissed me (since the others could not see us), a French kiss,
deep, full of passion and desire. And after that, while continuing to
cook, Orlando kissed me some three or four more times. So I asked him if
he would come to my place Saturday afternoon after work, and he agreed
at once. I slipped my hand under his pullover and caressed his chest,
and he pushed against my body, purring like a kitten.

Well, I can't say he is in love with me, but at least he still desires
making love with me. He likes me. From time to time, he gave me his
sweet smile that made me melt completely, and I noticed that he didn't
smile like that for the others, but just for me. And all through dinner,
he cared for my eating, and he was often picking the best morsels for me
-- also, he did this only for me...

I like Orlando more and more, and the more I look at the other boys, the
more I like Orlando. He is better in all comparisons. Even if at times I
see a really gorgeous boy, I feel he misses something that Orlando has
-- above all, his wonderful smile. And I feel very strong desires for
Orlando.

I was looking at the nape of his neck, at his arms, at his body while he
was cooking, and felt the desire of making love with him, right there in
his narrow kitchen... He arouses me so much, and at the same time he
inspires me to such tenderness! He is cheerful, gentle, sweet, pure, and
sexy, and his intimate kisses, his tongue searching mine and playing
with mine...

I love him, and maybe in reality he is also falling in love with me... I
desire him. I regret that I could not have him all for myself and make
love with him this evening.

Together with the others, he saw Martino and me to the bus stop. While
the others were not listening, I asked Orlando if he would really come
on Saturday. "Sure," he answered with a sly smile, "I promised you,
didn't I?"

Well. I'm at home now. It is 2:13 a.m. and I'll hit the bed. Although I
couldn't make love with him, I'm happy about the evening spent with him,
really happy, because I became aware that he treated me in such a
different way than he treated the others, and that I'm really important
to him.

Tomorrow at lunchtime, Livio will come here. We will see how things will
develop on that front. But I feel I am really falling madly in love with
Orlando and therefore it would just remain a friendship with Livio. And
also, he is straight -- I met the girl he is flirting with, and saw how
they were cooing together. Anyway, Livio attracts me too -- less than
Orlando, but I still like him.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I think that night, the small but numerous special treatments Orlando
gave him, and the expressions of his desires for him, conquered Dad. His
lines where he describes Orlando's behavior are key to understand Dad,
especially when he writes "and he was often picking the best morsels for
me -- also, he did this only for me."

This makes me recall how it happened that Dad revealed to me that he was
also gay.

He was forty-three years old when Mom died of leukemia. Dad cared for
her with love to her last breath, and he suffered very much for her
death.

A few months later, I asked Dad if my boyfriend at that time, Ugo, could
come to live with us. Now that Mom was no longer with us, it wouldn't
have been a problem. In fact Dad agreed immediately and welcomed Ugo
with affection.

Dad and Ugo had already met more than once before, and they liked each
other. I was eighteen at that time and Ugo was twenty-five. We changed
the bed in my room to a full-size -- it was Dad's present for us.

Ugo treated Dad with affection and attention, and also with gratitude
for having fully accepted him. I liked seeing them getting along well
together, and I was really happy. Ugo had a thousand little attentions
towards his "father-in- law" as he called him at times, and also Dad for
Ugo. At the dinner table, Ugo always wanted Dad to be served first and
picked the best morsels for him, and Dad really appreciated those
attentions.

But on a day while Ugo was at work, Dad told me he had to talk with me.
He asked me if I wouldn't have liked to have an apartment just for Ugo
and me. I looked at him, somewhat surprised, and answered that we were
really all right there with him.

Then Dad said, "Do you see, Raffaele, there is a problem and I really
think that it will be better if Ugo doesn't continue to live in this
house..." "Did he do something that..." "No." he interrupted me with a
smile, "Ugo is really a splendid guy, he is all right. Just, you see...
the problem is that I became aware I'm starting to feel more and more
desires towards him, and it is becoming more and more difficult for me
to resist his sex appeal, but I don't want to become a menace in your
relationship."

I looked at him unbelievingly, "You... you desire Ugo?" "Yes, because I
am gay too, Raffaele, and Ugo is just my type. And his gentleness, his
affection towards me, the fact of seeing him around half naked, strongly
aroused my desires." "But, Dad... you are gay? You always and really
loved Mom, you were happy with her..." I said, still unbelievingly, then
added, "and you never told me anything..."

"The fact that I'm gay didn't prevent me to love and to be faithful to
your Mom. I loved her, and physically, I also fitted well with her. The
love I felt for her prevented me to feel attracted towards others. But
now that sadly she has left us, the desire to have a boy awakened again,
and powerfully. I need to feel that I am important for somebody, to love
somebody who can love me back. And Ugo attracts me dangerously.
Therefore, you can understand... When you told me you were gay, I didn't
think it was necessary or useful to tell you about me. It was not
because I was ashamed, but just because I felt fine with Gabriella and I
didn't have any problem. But now it's necessary for you to know, to
understand that if I'm asking you to live by yourselves, it is not Ugo's
fault, but mine. Therefore I told you."

We talked for a long time. Now that I knew, I felt even closer to him. I
almost felt like I loved him even more than before. Later, I talked with
Ugo, and he told me that he had "felt" Dad's desires, and that he also
thought it would be better if we found a small apartment just for us
because, as Ugo said to me, "your Dad is a fascinating man, and sooner
or later I would find myself feeling desires for him too..."

The Achilles' heel of Dad was precisely that - the need to feel
important and to be desired by someone. I think that Mom gave him these
two aspects of a real love, and that's why he felt good with her for so
many years. But Dad, deep inside him, always preferred a man, and now
his ancient desires had awakened in him again. And this is what happened
with Orlando. And probably Orlando, even if he already had a boyfriend,
was strongly fascinated by Dad, just as Ugo had been...

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CONTINUES IN PART 3

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In my home page I've put some of my stories. If someone wants to read
them, the URL is

http://www.geocities.com/andrejkoymasky/

If you want to send me feed-back, please e-mail at

andrejkoymasky@geocities.com

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