Date: Tue, 01 Feb 2005 14:46:10 -0800
From: fritz@nehalemtel.net
Subject: I Love Corey, Chapter Forty-three
Damnit, it seems like I just finished one of these warning and here
I am again, staring at the monitor and trying to come up with some words to
write another one. Will they never cease?
Okay you youngsters, leave before I'm forced to kick your ass. How
will I kick it? I haven't figured that out yet but I'm working on it. In
the meantime, if you're too young to be allowed to read this story, get out
of here or I'll put you on the list of those who deserve to get their asses
kicked. Then when I figure out how to kick your ass, I'll do it. Imagine
your surprise when out of nowhere, you get a big foot hitting your
backside. Hell, you might have even forgotten that you deserved it. Then
you would be left standing there, wondering what was going on. If you
leave now, you won't have that problem.
Now that we've settled the age thing, it's time to talk about being
offended by descriptions of sex acts. Why should you be offended by such
descriptions when it took a sex act to conceive you? Well, these acts are
between males and some people get all upset about that. I've never
understood that when it doesn't concern them in any way. Guess they just
can't stand anyone else having fun or maybe they just like to meddle in
other people's business.
Regarding the areas in which reading a story like this is illegal,
I really have no suggestions. While I feel sorry for you, I can't get the
law changed. That is up to you. I wish you luck because you will need it
since I see little chance you will succeed in getting those laws changed.
Why? Because bigots never seem to see themselves for what they are. They
don't even realize they are bigots. It is hard to make any progress when
your opponent is not intellectually honest.
This story is a work of fiction. Yes I know, calling it a work is
stretching things. Don't laugh, if you could see the sweat running off my
brow when writing this, you would understand. (Well, maybe the sweat is
the result of something else.) Anyhow, since it is fiction that means the
characters and the story never happened. Any resemblance you might see to
persons, living or dead is coincidental and was not intended.
I would ask you to please not post this story on another site
without asking for and receiving permission from me. After all, it is my
property. Also, please attribute any quotes you use from it to me. For
doing that, I grant you permission to read this story for your own
enjoyment and entertainment. That seems fair to me.
Ernie has once again worked his magic. His wise counsel and the
use of lots of red ink have helped make this story much easier to read. He
deserves many thanks from both you and me.
Lastly, feel free to write and offer suggestions, comments, or
complaints. You may even ask questions. Just remember to put I Love Corey
in the subject line of your email. Use fritz@nehalemtel.net as the
address. I try to promptly answer all such emails. With that said, I hope
you enjoy the following chapter. Fritz
********************************************************************************
I Love Corey, Chapter Forty-three
I couldn't go to sleep. I was so happy that my mind would not slow
down. The only thing was, there were no coherent thoughts in it.
Everything was all jumbled up. The warm feelings that suffused me were a
product of great sex but there was more. I loved Corey and I couldn't
understand how I had gotten to this state of affairs. I decided to think
about it.
It took a while but finally it all became clear. There had been an
emptiness inside me. I hadn't even realized it. I had lots of friends and
was busy doing what I loved doing. That emptiness had been the product of
not having anyone to really love. It had been buried so deep inside me
that I never noticed it. I'd just kept going, seeming to enjoy life, but
deep inside my life was empty. The more I thought about it, the more I
came to understand.
I had needed someone to love. I have no idea how my heart had
known that Corey was the one. After all, when I first grabbed him and
jerked him into my office I didn't really know him. Yet somehow my heart
had known. As I lay there in that state where my mind seemed to float free
and insights were free to surface, things became clear.
I had trapped myself in a dead-end situation. My heart wanted
someone to love and be loved by, but my mind didn't realize that. I had
accepted a job in an area that was not conducive to finding a soul mate.
Here I was in a somewhat conservative area of the state, and there was
little chance of finding that someone. The emptiness had just kept
building up. My mind ignored it and I went on with my life, enjoying my
friends and work, but lacking that one special person to share life with.
Gays frequently went through life that way; never really connecting with
anyone; substituting sex for love. Maybe they hated themselves so much
they couldn't love or be loved by someone. Maybe they had been hurt so
badly they were afraid to love. As far as that goes, maybe there was a
defect in a lot of them that didn't allow them to want or need those things
I needed. I didn't know about others but my heart wanted more; wanted
someone to share all those special things that mean so much to people. The
course my life had been on showed little chance of finding that special
person.
Then Corey entered it. Somehow my heart knew he was the one. I
have no idea how it knew because I wasn't a boy-lover. Sure, they were
cute but I had never thought about having a sexual relationship with one.
I had just enjoyed being around their youthful exuberance. In fact, I
enjoyed being around young people, be they boys or girls. I wanted to help
them grow and learn so badly that sometimes it hurt. In many senses they
reminded me of puppies, eager to learn and grow up. I wanted to help them.
It was just something deep inside me that I almost had to do. I enjoyed
helping adults but there was something special about helping a child.
It was finally clear. Because of my sexuality I had become a
teacher. I hadn't even realized I was mostly gay when I made that decision
to become a teacher, but my heart had known. It had selected the best
option it could to provide me with a family. I finally understood that a
family was what I really wanted, and in fact, needed. My parents had been
one of those couples that had worshipped the ground the other walked on and
I wanted that for myself. I wanted that sharing that two people have when
they love each other deeply, and I wanted children. That was what my heart
had known and my mind had never figured out. Being a teacher had been the
path my heart had chosen because I'd have a whole school of children to
more or less be a parent to. It had even selected middle school because
they were old enough to listen but not so old that they were obnoxious.
Still, there was more that my heart had wanted. It wanted someone as its
own.
Corey solved that problem in one package. He was the lover I
needed to make my life complete and he was also the child I wanted. We
related to each other in many different ways. Sometimes he was my lover,
sometimes my child. He could instantly become my confidant and friend. In
some strange way I knew I could lean on him when the going was difficult,
yet he could lean on me when he had problems. We were just there for each
other, filling whatever role the other required at the time. Sure I
enjoyed and in fact loved JJ and LT but it was a different kind of love. I
had absolutely no desire to have sex with either of them. I enjoyed being
around them and now that they were beginning to fit in, it was even better.
They were cute together and could only be described as very nice young men.
Still, they could never begin to take Corey's place in my heart. I just
didn't think about them the same way. I thought about them much as I did
my other students. The fact that they lived with me made for a closer
relationship and I enjoyed that. Still, I didn't love them in the same way
I loved Corey. I was beginning to think of them as mine and I was sure
that in a little more time I would finish the process of having them go
from students to almost like they were my children.
It was now clear. With Corey, I had a family in a strange sort of
way. The addition of JJ and LT added to that family much as the birth of a
child adds to any couple's family. So they were young men instead of
babies. I couldn't see how that really made any difference. It only meant
that I had managed to get out of changing diapers. In all other senses I
was beginning to think of them as my children.
Corey shifted position in his sleep. It brought my mind back from
where it had been floating. As he squirmed around, getting into his
favorite position, my heart was almost overcome with love. I now knew that
I would do anything I could to have and keep him. He settled into his
usual position, gave what might almost be called a sigh and totally
relaxed. I could now feel his warm breath blowing softly across my chest.
My mind drifted back to where it had been. It was now clear. My
heart had been governing me for a long time and I had just never noticed
it. Somehow it had looked me over and tried to do the best it could to
make me happy. The students had been my family ever since I started
teaching and now it had even found a way to overcome that last, but most
important bit of loneliness. How it had recognized that Corey was the one
for me, I had no idea. Yet my heart had known. I could see that now. I
just couldn't understand how it had known. When I'd first met Corey he was
just another student, somewhat skinny and shabbily dressed. How my heart
had known what was inside him I didn't understand. We hadn't talked about
ourselves until much later. Yet it had almost forced me to take a leap of
faith, somehow knowing that what was beyond that leap was worth it. My
mind would never have allowed me to make such a leap but my heart had
overruled it. I was thankful it had...
I was on my side and Corey was spooned in front of me. Somewhere
in the night he had rolled off of me and we had spooned together. I could
feel my cock nestled in his crack. I would have loved to just continue
lying there; enjoying the smell of his hair and the feel of his warm crack
against my cock but my bladder was demanding relief.
I tried to get the arm that was draped across his middle off of him
but he held on to my hand, resisting that move. I finally got my hand
loose before my bladder burst. I could hear a little whimper from him when
I rolled out of bed to head for the toilet. It was just starting to get
light so I really should get up anyway.
When I returned to the bedroom, after the pause that refreshes, I
just stood and admired him. I wanted to get back in bed and ravish him but
thought that might not be a good idea. I didn't know if anyone was awake
and would hear us. Instead I got dressed and wandered out to the kitchen.
It was just as well I didn't succumb to the temptation because
Bruno was drinking some coffee and looking at my paper. He looked up and
gestured towards the coffee pot. Bruno understood me. I suppose it was
because he was like me in that he didn't wake up quickly and needed some
time and coffee to get his mind to start working. I never even said good
morning but just got some coffee and joined him at the table, looking over
the parts of the paper he wasn't reading. A few minutes later Sara came in
with Candy in her arms and Lisa following her. It was time for breakfast
so I went and got the boys up.
It was a mess trying to cook with Candy toddling and crawling
around and Lisa underfoot. It wouldn't have been bad except I also had
three boys helping. By now Bruno had enough coffee in him that he was
willing to talk and so was I. Sara always woke up quickly so she joined in
and Corey was always wide awake in the morning. The only two who were not
real alert were JJ and LT. We got through breakfast without many problems
and even got the kitchen cleaned up. What with all that had been going on
I was once again behind in my laundry so I loaded the washer. I had guests
to entertain, if you could call part of my in-law's family, guests, and
figured I'd just have to work things in. It would probably take all day
but who cared as long as it all got done.
The day was a real mess. It wasn't that I minded but it was just
one of those days that I didn't get as much done as I would have liked. I
spent part of it shuttling boys to the market to work and part doing
laundry. Then I also had Sara and Bruno to entertain. It kept me busy but
was a lot of fun. Sara still had a spot in my heart and no-one could
dislike Bruno. We visited and tried to keep track of Lisa and Candy
amongst my trying to get some cooking and laundry done. Uncle Matt and
Sandy showed up about two-thirty and after that there were also Kevin and
Kristen underfoot. They were fairly easy to find if they got away. They
were generally in the family room looking at all the packages. Uncle Matt
and Sandy had worked with their kids and they could read so it was pretty
easy for them to point out which gifts belonged to what person. At the
rate it was going they were going to wear the wrapping paper off of their
gifts. We'd chase them off for a while but soon they would disappear and
we'd find them, looking over the brightly wrapped packages, trying to guess
what was in them.
By now the pile of presents spilled out from under the tree. I'd
managed to get them kind of shoved under it but little hands soon had them
covering about twice the floor they should have. Candy managed to pull a
couple of the low-hanging ornaments off and break them but I had some
spares and I'd warned the boys to put the fancy ones high on the tree. It
wasn't bad when the boys were home because they kept the little ones busy
but while they were at the store it kept all the adults hopping, trying to
keep the younger ones entertained and out of trouble. While the day was
busy and kind of messy, I really enjoyed it. There was only one thing I
would have rather not had happen. Sandy had to tell Sara and Bruno about
Uncle Matt's and my indiscretion. She was giggling like crazy while
telling about how sad we looked on the morning after. It embarrassed the
hell out of me. Of course she told it when all the boys were there and
they had to help tell it. Corey was more than happy to relate trying to
get aspirin into Uncle Matt and me. Sara and Bruno were laughing like
hyenas while Uncle Matt and I were busy blushing. When I said all the
boys, Billy and Larry were also there. Their eyes got kind of big when
Sandy told about jerking the covers off and finding Uncle Matt and me bare
assed naked. It was all in good fun but sometimes I would just as soon
forget some of that fun. My blusher was tired by the end of the story. At
least no one mentioned Corey's accident in bed. At the rate the
conversation was going it wouldn't have surprised me. Most of the adults
had consumed a few beers and were in a relaxed and friendly mood, not drunk
but just sort of mellow. For all the mess and confusion of trying to keep
track of kids and who had to be at work and such, I had really enjoyed the
day. It was real nice to have my family around me and the boys had acted
like the kind of young adults everyone was proud of knowing. The only
thing that would have been better is if the weather had been better. There
had been a cold rain all day. It would have been nice to let the young
ones run around outside for a while and work some of their extra energy off
but it didn't work out that way.
We had just gotten the younger ones in bed when the phone rang. It
was Steve. He and his partner had talked things over and decided to come
up Christmas day. They weren't sure about staying the night but said they
would be up shortly after noon. I was thrilled. I was looking forward to
it for a couple of reasons. I really liked Steve, from the little I had
talked to him, and I was sure his father would be overcome with happiness.
I really hoped everything worked out. From the sound of Steve's voice, I
was pretty sure it would; in fact, I'd be willing to bet on it.
The boys finally went to bed. They had been working and just ran
out of gas. We sat around and had another beer or two and continued
visiting. Sara and Sandy caught up on all their relatives and Bruno, Uncle
Matt and I just talked about whatever entered our minds. When everyone was
yawning, we gave up and went to bed. Corey squirmed around as soon as I
got in bed and quickly assumed his usual position. I was calm and relaxed
and quickly fell asleep.
It took a while but finally the phone woke me up. I just beat the
answering machine in answering. I almost didn't answer it but I wanted to
chew the ass of whoever was calling this late at night. I mumbled hello
and waited for the caller to identify himself so I could start in.
"Hello coach," a soft voice said. The voice sounded somewhat
familiar but I couldn't put a name or face to it. It also had a sad sound
to it. I wasn't really awake and was trying to figure out where I'd heard
that voice when it continued, "I just wanted to thank you and say good-by."
All of a sudden my mind jumped into gear. There was something
about the sound of that voice that scared me. I still wasn't alert enough
to figure out just what there was about it but my mind was really spinning
up to speed.
"Excuse me, I just woke up. Why are you thanking me?" I asked. I
was still trying to get organized.
"For being nice to me last year." The voice was soft but sounded
almost like the speaker was about to cry. When I heard that, I was
suddenly wide awake.
"Ah, who am I talking with? I'm sorry; I don't recognize your
voice. It sounds familiar but I can't put a name to it."
"Lee Cummings sir." Everything clicked into place. Lee was a
student I'd had last year and I had gone out of my way to try to encourage
him and help him. He had struck me as a child who didn't get much love or
encouragement at home. He was not a very good student and always almost
jumped like he was afraid something bad would happen if you tried to talk
to him. I spent the whole year trying to get him to relax and helping him
improve his grades. I managed to raise his math scores one full notch,
from about a C- to a B-. He got so he was almost comfortable around me and
I'd hoped that it might carry over into high school. He had just seemed
kind of alone and like nobody loved him. He wasn't what would be called
handsome but was not unattractive either. Probably about what would be
termed average. I even talked a couple of the other teachers into giving
him a little special attention. I won't say he bloomed from the attention
but he seemed to appreciate it. That still didn't explain why he was
calling me in the middle of the night.
"Thank you Lee. You'll never know how much that means to me. Most
of the time when a student is out of my class, that's the last time I hear
from him. Having you call and thank me is really great." About that time
the good-by he had said crashed into my mind. Oh shit! This was serious.
He was calling in the middle of the night and something was wrong, very
wrong. I no longer had to worry about waking up, I was wide awake and my
mind was trying to figure out what to do. About that time I could hear
what sounded like a car go past, almost like he was outside. I tried to
keep my voice calm as I continued.
"Lee, could you tell me where you are? It doesn't sound like
you're home."
"Olson's."
Oh shit. Things were becoming much clearer. Olson's was a service
station and there was a pay phone there. There was also a bridge over the
river. It was about forty feet above the river and there had been a
suicide there I'd been told. It had happened a couple of years before I
moved here. A young man had jumped off because he and his girlfriend had a
fight. There were all kinds of alarms going off in my mind and I didn't
know what to do.
"Ah Lee, would it be all right if I came over and talked to you for
a few minutes? I'd really like to thank you for calling and I can do it
better in person than on the phone."
"You don't really have to do that," he said softly. Still there
didn't seem to be a lot of determination in his voice.
"I'd like to Lee. I don't often get such a nice thank you and I'd
like to really talk to you and tell you how much it means to me."
My mind was really racing, trying to come up with a way to get him
to give me a chance to get over there and see if I could do something to
help him. I didn't want to do anything that would excite him so I had to
be very careful with what I said and how much pressure I tried to put on
him. I figured I had a chance since he'd called me, but was afraid if I
was not careful, I could lose that chance. I was jerking clothes on while
I talked to him. No matter how much I talked or what I said I just wasn't
making any progress. Finally I was out of things to say. I decided to
take a chance.
"Look Lee, it's my guess you're thinking about suicide. If you
are, you must have reasons. Don't you think it would be better if you
explained them to someone so when it was over, everyone would know why you
did it and wouldn't be left wondering?"
"You'll just try to stop me," he said. There was a sob in his
voice.
"Lee, I promise I'll just listen. Well, I'll try to talk you out
of it but if you still want to, when we're done talking, I won't stop you."
Jesus, did I say that? I knew I needed a chance to talk to him but if I
wasn't successful, boy, I didn't know what I would do. Still, if I could
get him to wait and let me at least talk to him I might be able to talk him
out of doing it. I suddenly realized I was about to crush the phone I was
hanging onto it so tightly. I had to get a grip on myself. "Please Lee,
please just let me talk to you before you do it."
"Why? Nobody cares about me."
"I care Lee. You know that. Hell, look back. I thought we were
becoming friends last year. Can't you wait a few minutes and talk to me?"
It took a while longer but I eventually got him to promise to wait
until I got there. I dropped the phone and was out the door as fast as I
could go. The length of time it took the garage door to open about sent me
into a panic attack. It finally was high enough to get the Gator out and I
peeled rubber backing out into the street. My heart was pounding like the
astronauts must have pounded just before lift off. I managed to keep the
Gator on the road as I tore towards Olson's and I kept hoping he would keep
his word and at least let me talk to him. Not only that, I was afraid that
I couldn't talk him out of it. How I would handle that I had no idea. All
I could think of was that I couldn't fail. I had to do this right and I
only had one chance, maybe not even that.
It was a couple of miles to Olson's and I had to drive across town
to get there. I sure didn't pay any attention to the speed limit but it
still took about five minutes to get there. As I pulled into the parking
lot I could see someone standing in the middle of the bridge. The lights
from the service station's signs cast a dim glow as far as the bridge. I
slammed the Gator in park and jumped out. I was shaking all over but knew
I had to try to remain calm.
I walked to the end of the bridge and stopped. I figured if I
crowded him he might just jump and get it over with. I needed time to talk
to him and I couldn't put any pressure on him.
"Hi Lee," I called out. "Can I come a little closer so it's easier
to talk?"
He didn't answer right away. "Just don't get too close."
I walked slowly out onto the bridge. When I got within about
fifteen feet of him I stopped and leaned against the railing. "Is this too
close?" I asked. "I can move back if you want me to."
He had been watching me like a hawk. He didn't answer right away
but finally told me I could stay where I was. Now it was up to me and I
hoped my big mouth was up to the task.
"Well, I suppose we should start with why you want to do this.
That way maybe I can explain it to people."
He snorted, "Like anyone cares." The bitterness in his voice made
my heart ache. I wondered what he had been forced to endure that made him
feel that way.
"I care Lee," I replied keeping my voice soft.
He didn't answer right away. "Well, you're the only one." The
pain and bitterness in those words almost made me physically ill. I just
wanted to wrap my arms around him and help ease his pain but he wouldn't
even let me close yet. As I stood there with the cold rain falling, I
could hear the river flowing under the bridge. The river wasn't real big
right here and most of the bridge was above rocks. In the spring, when the
snow was melting in the mountains, it would fill most of the river bed but
right now rocks were what he would land on if he jumped. Forty or so feet
onto rocks would probably accomplish what he planned to do. If I couldn't
think of some way to talk him out of it that would be what happened.
"No Lee, I'm not the only one. I know for a fact that a couple of
other teachers would feel bad."
"Who?"
"Well, there's Jesse Williams and Shirley Webb for starters." They
were two of the teachers I'd talked into helping him last year. "In fact,
Shirley and I were talking about you a couple of weeks ago and she wondered
if I had heard how you were doing."
"I don't believe you," he replied.
"Look Lee, I can prove it. If I call her and she tells you that
she was asking about you will come off this bridge and give me some time to
talk to you?" I was getting desperate. He acted like he didn't care and
that nothing I said was going to make any difference. I was taking a
chance that she would remember the conversation but I didn't have much else
to work with.
At least he seemed to be thinking about it. He still looked like
he was ready to jump over the railing at any second but he was looking into
my eyes for the first time. Before he had been watching my feet, kind of
like they might tell him if I was going to try to grab him.
When he finally answered he told me she would just say it to back
me up and that wouldn't prove anything. We talked about it for a little
while and I asked him if I could call her and without mentioning his name
get her to talk to him and call him by name, would that satisfy him? It
took a lot more negotiation before he finally agreed to let me call and he
would talk to her. My heart was in my throat. I hoped she was home and
would remember the conversation. It had taken place on the Friday morning
just before the storm. I pulled out my cell phone and lit up the menu. My
hands were shaking but I finally got the proper buttons pressed and I could
hear it ringing. I was beginning to think no one was home when finally
Mr. Webb answered. I asked him if Shirley was home and could I please talk
to her. About a minute later she mumbled hello.
"Shirley, this is very important. Do you remember the Friday
before the storm when you asked me about a student that we had both had
last year?"
"What's going on Sam?"
"I'll explain it later. I need to know if you remember that
conversation."
"Sure I remember. It was about Lee Cummings."
"Shirley, I'm going to give the phone to him and I want you to
greet him by name. Can you do that?" Something in my voice must have
tipped her off that this was very important because that was a change in
her attitude. It went from being somewhat puzzled and vexed with me to
full cooperation.
"Sure Sam. Put him on."
"Lee, I'm going to lay the phone down and back away. Will you
please walk over and pick it up?" I could hear Shirley yelling into the
phone, asking what was going on. I told her to hang on, I'd explain things
later and put the phone on the deck of the bridge. After backing away from
it, I asked Lee to pick it up.
He kept his eyes on me as he approached the phone and finally
squatted and picked it up. I heard him murmur hello and then he just stood
there listening.
It's hell just listening to one side of a conversation. I could
hear him say hello, followed by I'm fine. I knew he wasn't fine but hoped
that was just temporary. He murmured some things, so softly I couldn't
understand them, a few more times and finally said goodbye. He then stood
there, looking at the phone, trying to figure out which button was the
disconnect button. It was too dark to read the symbols so I took a chance
and stepped closer, stuck my hand out and asked him if he wanted me to turn
it off for him. He looked up and took a couple of steps closer and handed
me the phone. I turned it off and just continued to stand there and so did
he. We were now only about three feet apart. I could see he was thinking
and I just let him. Part of his face was in shadows because of the angle
of the lights from the service station signs. While the station wasn't
open, they left the price sign on all night. I'd always thought that was
silly but tonight I was glad they did that. There wasn't much light from
it but it helped. When he finally looked up I started talking.
"Lee, why don't you tell me about it? I can't guarantee that I can
help but killing yourself is pretty final. If I can't help, you can always
do that." He didn't say anything but just stood there thinking. I was
getting cold from the rain. Looking at him, I could see he was shivering.
"Come on; let's go sit in my car. You can get out at any time but the
heater is on and it's warmer in it." When he didn't say anything I took a
chance. I reached out and lightly grasped his hand and led him towards the
Gator. He didn't resist but just followed along. I opened the passenger
door and he slowly got in. He wasn't moving very well but at least he was
now in where it was warm. As I walked around the back I called Shirley
again. I didn't even hear it ring before she answered. I told her I
didn't have time to talk but that I thought things were going to be okay
and that I'd call her later and fill her in. I could tell she wasn't happy
but I didn't give her a chance to say much before I hung up and got in the
Gator with Lee.
When I got in I glanced at my watch and realized we'd been on the
bridge for better than an hour. No wonder I was cold. I hadn't realized
we had talked that much.
When I suggested that we should go to my house and get warmed up
before we tried to talk about things, he didn't object. In fact he hadn't
said anything since he had finished talking to Shirley. He was just
sitting there, kind of hunched up, like he was trying to occupy as little
space as possible. He looked alone and lost.
When I got home the lights were on and Uncle Matt and Aunt Sandy
were pacing the floor while Corey was making some coffee. I could see they
wanted to know what was going on but I just shook my head at them as I led
Lee to my bedroom. I pointed him towards the bathroom and told him to get
undressed and take a warm shower while I found some clothes for him. He
was about my height but still hadn't filled out. I figured most of my
clothes would fall off of him but he could wear one of my bathrobes. I
grabbed a stretchy pair of briefs that I thought would stay on him and some
socks. A quick trip to LT's room produced some slippers that might fit him
and it was back to the bathroom.
He was still just standing there, fully dressed and shivering.
When I tried to get him to undress he started to resist. He looked like he
was starting to panic. No matter what I said, it just seemed to get worse.
Finally I just did the only thing I could think of and that was to grab him
and hug him. At first he tried to push me away but I just kept trying to
pull him close to me. He finally gave up and just sort of collapsed
against me. I must have held him for over ten minutes, patting him on the
back and not saying anything. When his breathing started to steady, I
stepped back.
"Come on Lee. You need to get warmed up before we try to talk.
Get your clothes off so I can put them in the dryer. Then you can take a
hot shower."
He started to get upset again so I pulled him close to me and
started patting his back again. This time he started crying. He started
softly but soon was crying his heart out. I just continued to hold him. I
didn't know what else to do.
When his crying slowed I started telling him it was alright,
everything was going to be better. I don't think he was really listening
to me but maybe the sound of my voice would help calm him. When he seemed
calm enough, I flipped the lid on the toilet down and got him sitting on
it. I started taking his wet athletic shoes off and then started on his
coat. He started resisting me so I offered to let him get undressed by
himself if he promised to hand me his clothes through the door. He finally
agreed and I grabbed a towel and went back into my bedroom.
I managed to get dried off and some warm dry clothes on in record
time. That made me feel a lot better. Then I stood at the door, waiting
for Lee to hand me his wet clothes so I could take them to the washer and
dryer.
It seemed like I stood there forever but it was probably only a
couple of minutes. The door opened enough for an arm to reach through and
hand me some wet clothes. Then it disappeared. I started taking things
out of the pockets and noticed that there were no undergarments. I doubted
that Lee would be going commando so I cracked the door and told him to give
me his shorts. He didn't want to but finally gave in when I told him I'd
have to come in and get them if he didn't. Eventually an arm came out and
a rolled up set of briefs was in his hand. I got back to getting things
ready for the washer and dryer and when I unrolled them I could see blood
on them. Where it was located meant only one thing.
I opened the door a crack and called in. "Lee, I want you to hurry
and get dressed. We need to get you to the hospital and let a doctor check
you over."
I got no answer. Eventually I just opened the door and stepped in.
Lee was on the floor, curled up in a fetal position. I could see his
shoulders shake and knew he was crying. I could also see a bunch of
bruises on his ribs and back.
"Come on Lee, we need to get you dressed and take you to the
hospital and let a doctor check you out."
"No!" he sobbed. "Please don't make me go?"
By now I had him sitting up and was holding him against my chest.
He just continued to sob. I wondered what the problem was with going to
see a doctor. He kept babbling that he was alright and that he didn't need
to see a doctor. He seemed almost paralyzed in fear about the subject.
Now I was really torn over what to do.
"All right Lee, I'll make you a deal. You let me check you over
and if I don't find anything that looks too bad, I won't force you to go to
the doctor right now. Will that work?"
He just collapsed against me, kind of like all the resistance was
gone. I explained that it might hurt a little and started in. Tracing
some of the bruises on his ribs brought some flinching but I couldn't feel
anything that felt like broken ribs. A little more checking and I was left
with only one more place I needed to examine.
"Lee, there's some blood in your shorts. I know it's embarrassing
but I need to check and see if you're still bleeding. Do you think you can
stand that?"
When he agreed I got a washcloth and, after wetting it in warm
water, gently washed his anus. I had him kneeling on the floor so it was
pretty easy to see. He was puffy and looked somewhat swollen but I
couldn't see any fresh blood. I wanted him to see a doctor but he was so
upset I finally decided to take a chance and see if I could get him warmed
up and calmed down. I ended up in the shower with him and by the time the
hot water was about gone, he seemed quite a bit better. At least he'd
stopped shivering.
Once he was dried off I looked around and found some Preparation H.
Yes, I always keep some around. It can be used for other things than what
it was intended for. In this case I hoped it would do just what was
advertised. After an application of the product, I got some briefs on him
and got him into my bed. Now it was time to see what the rest of the crew
was up to.
Uncle Matt and Aunt Sandy, along with Corey were still sitting
around the table, drinking coffee. Well, Corey was drinking some Coke but
all were sitting there, looking at me expectantly. I was just exhausted.
I glanced at my watch and it was almost five a.m. This whole ordeal had
been going on for better than four hours and the nervous strain of it had
taken a lot out of me. That and the fact I'd only had about an hour of
sleep. I just told them that we could talk about it later, I needed some
more sleep. With that I went back and crawled into bed next to Lee. He
was still cold and I pulled him close to me. We were spooned together and
I told him to go to sleep. He slowly seemed to relax and in a couple of
minutes Corey came in and got in bed. That put Lee in the middle. That's
the last I remember.
I woke up and someone was spooned against my back. It didn't feel
quite right and a little mulling that over finally brought the preceding
events to mind. I managed to make out the clock and saw it was almost
seven and decided that two hours of sleep wasn't enough. At least the body
against my back now felt warm. That was a big improvement over when I went
to bed.
A couple hours later I woke up again. I now figured I could make
it so I tried to get out of bed. The arm that was across me just hung on,
trying to stop me. When I got free, I rolled out of bed and looked things
over. Corey was spooned up behind Lee and his arm was draped over Lee's
midsection. That must have been the hand that was on me I thought to
myself. It was pretty obvious that Lee's arm had been the one trying to
keep me in bed. I managed to find some clothes and get dressed after which
I headed for the coffee pot. The whole bunch was eating breakfast when I
got there.
I'd made it through about half of my first cup of coffee when Corey
came out of the bedroom. I asked him how Lee was doing and then had to
explain who Lee was. At least everyone was giving me a little space and
time to get my act together. I got my second cup of coffee about the time
the little ones finished eating. When they were watching the tube I
finally filled everyone in on what was happening.
"What are you going to do?" Uncle Matt asked.
"I'm not sure yet. I suppose I ought to call Judy but I think I'll
wait until I talk to Lee. He seems paralyzed with fear anytime I mention
Children's Services or the police." We kicked it around for a while and
also got the boys work schedule figured out. JJ and LT were going to work
from one to four and Billy and Larry from four to seven. Corey was getting
today off.
I looked in on Lee and he was still sleeping. I finally changed my
mind and called Judy. That took almost an hour. I had to explain
everything and then we had to discuss it. In the end she agreed to wait
and let me talk to him before we did anything else. I looked in again and
he was still sleeping.
It was really weird. Everyone was giving me lots of space and just
going on with life. I was wound up and pacing around and they cooked and
took care of getting the boys to work and everything else. All I could do
was continue to pace and wonder what Lee's problems were and how we might
solve them. He seemed paranoid about letting the police or anyone else
know what was going on. The worst thing was I couldn't come up with any
ideas of what to do until he woke up and we had a chance to talk. Every
time I looked in on him he just continued to sleep.
When I looked in on him again he was twisting and seemed to be
trying to say something. I couldn't understand him but I could see he was
having a very bad dream. When I tried to wake him up he just curled into a
ball and started whimpering. A broken "please" was the only thing I could
understand of the mumbled words he was saying. I finally lay down behind
him and gently pulled him against my chest. For the next several minutes I
softly told him it would be all right and to just relax. He stiffened and
I could tell he had finally awakened. I just kept talking softly, telling
him everything would be better and to just relax. When I could feel his
body relax I let go of him and got up.
"Good afternoon Lee. Would you like breakfast or lunch?" He
looked kind of startled. I continued, "Your clothes are on the chair and
you can take another shower if you'd like"
He looked kind of dazed. I just smiled and waited.
"Could I have breakfast?"
"Sure, any preferences?"
He looked surprised. "Uhh?"
"Well, you could have bacon and eggs, or cereal. I could also fix
French toast, pancakes, or whatever else you'd like."
He just continued to look at me like he couldn't believe that he
had that many choices. I waited a few seconds and told him he could decide
when he finished dressing. With that I returned to the kitchen. By the
time he was dressed, I had squeezed him a glass of juice. After some
discussion I fixed him some French toast along with some bacon and a couple
of eggs. Another glass of juice and a glass of milk washed the breakfast
down. He looked a lot happier after he finished his meal. The adults all
left us alone but Kristen and Kevin had to have their share and were busy
chattering away the whole time. When they had finished eating I scooped
the two little giggle boxes up and packed them into the family room and
told them to give me a little time with Lee before they bothered us.
That little time turned into three hours. It took almost an hour
to get him to tell me anything. After that, I couldn't seem to shut him
up. When I finally got him talking it was like a dam had burst. The words
and tears just started flowing and the story tumbled out. The longer he
talked, the sicker I got. His life was nothing more than a classic example
of child abuse, both physical and mental. The whole thing had me so mad,
by the time he finished, that it's a good thing I couldn't get my hands on
his parents.
As he told of the times his father had beaten and sexually abused
him, I got madder and madder. It didn't help when he told about the words
his father used to describe his actions. No child should be called a dumb
shit and a worthless little fucker. Two hours of listening to things like
that really had me worked up. I was ready to kill someone and that someone
was his father. Fortunately his father wasn't handy for me to get my hands
on.
I'd taken him into my bedroom to talk to him so the others wouldn't
bother us and when he finally ran down, he just curled up on the bed and
fell asleep. Well, he had been lying on the bed, telling me all about his
life and I'd been rubbing his back, and when he finished he just fell
asleep. That left me trying to figure out just how to help him. I finally
stopped rubbing his back and just sat there, feeling sorry for him. At
least I now knew the reason he had never said anything was a fear that his
father would kill him. I could only guess at the fear he must be feeling
because of telling me about his life. He was absolutely terrified of what
his father would do to him. No matter what I had said, he couldn't seem to
accept the fact that there were people who were willing to help him and
keep him safe from his father. I sighed and stood up. It was time to do
something about the situation.
I started by calling Shirley Webb and briefly explaining what had
been going on last night. We only talked a few minutes as I had other
calls I had to make but I'd put her off last night and she had a right to
some kind of explanation.
The next call was supposed to go to Judy but the phone rang before
I could start to dial. It was the coordinator for the Christmas Sharing
Joy program that had resulted in the families I'd picked out to help. The
reason he called was to tell me that the one family, the one with three
boys being raised by their grandmother, wouldn't need the food basket that
I was going to deliver tonight. Also I was to take the presents we had
bought for them to Children's Services so they could be given to them. It
seems the grandmother had fallen and broken her hip. She wouldn't be able
to live at home for several weeks at a minimum. Children's Services was
trying to find a place for the children until the grandmother was able to
resume caring for them. Jeez, why does it seem like things pile up on you
when you are busy?
After thinking about it for a couple of minutes, I called Judy.
She sounded depressed and angry. I suggested she might want to stop in, on
her way home, and talk to Lee for a few minutes and she about bit my head
off. It was pretty obvious her day wasn't going well. After finding out
she would be there for a few more minutes I put the toys in the back of the
pickup and drove down to her office. It was just about closing time when I
got there.
When I walked in she was on the phone and there were three boys,
between about six and ten years of age, sitting on chairs, watching her.
Finally she sighed, said good-by to whoever she was talking to, and hung
up.
"I'm sorry Sam. You caught me at a bad time."
"It's okay. I understand."
"Do you?" she asked somewhat rhetorically. "Come on, lets get a
cup of coffee and we can talk about things."
She led me back out of her office and down a hall to a coffee pot.
After we both had cups, she sighed again.
"It's so damn frustrating. I've got three kids and no place for
them and you have another one and there is no place for him either.
Sometimes I wonder why I got into this business. Well, go ahead and tell
me about Lee."
I gave her a short version of what Lee had told me. I could see
her jaws clinch as I told her about some of the abuse he had told me about.
It didn't take long and we had almost gotten back to her office when I
finished.
"Do you think he's telling the truth?" she asked.
"Oh yes, I'm pretty sure he's telling the truth and would be
willing to bet it's even worse than what he told me."
She sighed again. "Well, I'd better get on the phone and see what
I can find. So far, things aren't going well today. Maybe this will go
better." With that she started to step back into her office through the
side door we had used.
"Judy," I said while grasping her arm. "Would it be a help if he
stayed with me for at least a few days. I think he would be better off
with someone he knows. He's pretty upset right now."
From the expression on her face you'd have thought she just won the
lottery. For the first time since I got there, she smiled. "That would be
wonderful. Could you keep him for a week or so until I get something
worked out?"
Then she had to fill out some paperwork, giving me an emergency
placement order because the court was closed. The whole thing took about a
half hour. I was just getting ready to leave when I remembered the boxes
of toys in the back of the pickup.
I explained about the toys and the call I'd received telling me to
bring them to her. She just shook her head.
"We'll have to sort the toys out. So far I can't come up with a
place they can all stay."
All the time she had been filling out the paperwork regarding Lee
I'd been watching the three boys in her office. The oldest had kept his
arm around the youngest, comforting him. They all looked so sad. I have
no idea what got into me.
"Judy, would you let me talk to them for a couple of minutes?"
I knew I'd made a mistake when I could see a smirk start twitching
on her face.
"Go ahead. I've got some more papers I need to fill out." With
that she turned to her desk and grabbed another bunch of papers and started
going through them.
I went over and introduced myself. The oldest one kept his arm
around the youngest one and the middle one crowded up against his older
brother. It didn't go all that well but I learned their names were David,
the oldest, Mark, the middle one, and Lonny, the youngest. We talked, well
actually I talked and they listened, for a few minutes. I told them about
Corey, LT, and JJ. After talking for a few minutes I asked them if they
would like to spend Christmas with my boys. A few tentative yeses and I
turned to Judy. She was no longer making any pretense of doing anything
and was just watching us.
"Judy, the house is kind of full right now but if it would be all
right for them to sleep in sleeping bags for a few days, well, they could
probably stay with me until their grandmother is once again able to care
for them. As soon as some of the relatives go home I can come up with beds
for them."
Then I had to explain about all the people visiting. In the end,
Judy shook her head and told me I must be a fool to have that many people
visit for the holidays. She did that while filling out more paperwork.
Another half hour and I had three more piles of paper. The boys got in the
pickup and Judy led me to the boys' house to get some of their clothes. It
wasn't much of a place to live and was actually a run down duplex. They
lived on the upper floor and the fall had happened because one of the steps
had broken. One look at it and I would have condemned it. The whole thing
looked like it was about ready to collapse.
The inside was shabby but clean. The boys all slept in one bedroom
in a double bed. A few plastic garbage bags full of clothes and things and
I headed home with three unexpected guests. All the way home I kept trying
to figure out what was wrong with me. I really didn't have room or time to
try to deal with three more kids but I just couldn't let them be split up
for Christmas. The thing that had grabbed me was David, holding and
comforting Lonny. All three of them had looked so sad and scared.
The three boys got a little overwhelmed by all the people and
particularly Kevin and Kristen. The giggle boxes seemed to feel I had
brought them home their own special toys, well friends. I had no more than
introduced the boys when Kevin and Kristen grabbed them and dragged them
towards the family room and the video games. Sandy and Sara were making
burgers for dinner. I fired up the French fryer and started cutting
potatoes. As soon as the oil was hot enough, I started blanching the
fries. Then there were the tomatoes and onions to slice. It wasn't long
until things were about ready. It wasn't raining so I decided to cook the
meat on the barbeque. I had a couple of batches of fries done by the time
the barbeque was hot enough and after that things got a little hectic. I
lost track of the number of hamburger patties I cooked but eventually
everyone seemed full. I glanced at my watch and about that time Billy and
Larry walked in. More burgers and fries and dinner was complete, well,
except for the ice cream. When David, Mark, and Lonny finished their ice
cream they looked more relaxed and happy. I promised them that we would go
visit their grandmother tomorrow.
What a mess. I had planned on having David, Mark, and Lonny sleep
in the family room. That was a good idea as far as it went. Kristen and
Kevin wanted to sleep with them. The end result was that I got five
sleeping bags and air mattresses out and put some DVDs in the player.
After showers and brushing of teeth, I had five kids giggling and watching
some movies. Well, I guess I shouldn't forget the popcorn they were
eating. How they could put anything more in their stomachs was beyond me.
It wasn't all that long until they started dropping off to sleep. Since I
now had a free bed, I offered it to Lee. That was met with what might be
called a lack of enthusiasm. He had been almost glued to me since I had
gotten back from Children's Services. I really didn't want him in bed with
me and Corey but could think of no way to get out of it. I could tell Lee
was still frightened about his father and finally figured out that he
needed time to relax and get himself under control. I managed to get Corey
aside and explain what was going on. He agreed that Lee needed the feeling
of security that sleeping with us would provide. Sometimes Corey's
understanding of things amazes me. No wonder I love him.
To be continued...