Date: Sun, 05 Jun 2005 03:44:56 -0700
From: fritz@nehalemtel.net
Subject: I Love Corey, Chapter Sixty

	Time for another warning.  If you turkeys reading this had better
memories I wouldn't have to write one but since I can't remember my own
name half the time, I have to assume some of you might have the same
problem.  So, for those of you who have my memory problem, here goes.
	All people under eighteen leave.  In fact, in some areas you must
be twenty-one in order to read this story so if you live in such an area
and are not yet twenty-one, leave.  Why is this?  Well it seems like some
people are trying to protect you.  Just be thankful they are.  After all,
you wouldn't want to be led astray by funny old men like me would you?
That isn't funny as in haha although lots of people do laugh at me.
	Then comes the problem of people who become angry and offended over
descriptions of sexual acts, especially between males.  If you fall into
that group, leave quickly before you encounter such descriptions.  I
sometimes remember to put some descriptions of that type in the story.
	Sadly there are areas in which the thought police have forbidden
the reading of stories like this.  You know what I mean.  They are so
narrow minded that their scratch pads can only be written on vertically
because there is only room for one letter on each line.  Freedom only
applies to them, not you.  None the less, if you have the misfortune to
live in such an area, leave before you get caught.  It is not my intention
to get you in trouble.
	Since I wrote this story, that makes it mine.  Go ahead and read
and hopefully enjoy it.  All I ask is that you not post it elsewhere
without asking and receiving permission from me, crediting me for any
quotes you use from the story, and sharing all the great wealth you acquire
from your use of this story.  Beyond that you are pretty much free to do
with it as you wish.
	Please include Ernie in your prayers.  He tirelessly edits and
improves the story.  One could not ask for a better or more faithful
friend.
	If you see something you wish to comment on, feel free to write and
do so.  I'm happy to answer questions or explain the story.  Don't be
afraid to offer criticism.  I learn much from those who spot mistakes.
Just put I love Corey in the subject line and send such missives to
fritz@nehalemtel.net You can even request being placed on the notification
list. With that said, I hope you enjoy this chapter.  Fritz
********************************************************************************

		I Love Corey, Chapter Sixty

	I went into the kitchen and surveyed the food situation.  I
couldn't decide what to cook.  After staring at the fridge's meat drawer
for what must have been five minutes I finally decided to cook the chicken
thighs tonight.  It was either that or figure out what to do with the
hamburger and that presented too many options.  Chicken thighs were easy.
I could fry or bake them.  Well I could have fixed something like Chicken
Cacciatore but I wanted to fix something that didn't require much thinking.
I wanted it easy so I could worry while I cooked.  We hadn't had fried
chicken in a while so I decided that was a good way to go.  Then there was
the problem of what to have with those thighs.  Of course things
immediately got more complicated because now I had to decide whether I
should just fry the thighs or fry them and then cook them for a while in
some gravy.  The latter won because mashed potatoes and chicken gravy
sounded good.  Now that I had my mind made up things went much better.  I
put some flour in a sack and added some salt and pepper.  Some paprika,
cayenne, thyme, and a little rosemary joined the flour and I was about
ready to start.
	As I was getting stuff out to cook I once again had to throw away
the empty cookie package and put the dirty glasses in the dishwasher.  It
was time to again chew on the boys about cleaning up after their snack.
That seemed to be about a bi-weekly occurrence.  I'd chew on them and they
would remember for about a week and then start forgetting.  By the end of
the second week it was like I'd never mentioned it.  We were about to the
end of the second week stage again.  I put a package of stock in the
microwave and set it on thaw and continued with my cooking.  When the pan
was hot enough I had most of the potatoes peeled.  I added some oil and put
the first batch of thighs in.  I'd just brown them nicely and let them
finish cooking in the gravy.  The second batch of thighs was in the pan
when I had enough potatoes peeled.  I decided on peas with pearl onions for
a vegetable.  Some cole slaw ought to work so I grabbed a cabbage and
started cutting it up.
	All the time I was cooking I kept thinking.  Would it really create
problems if I took a more active role in some causes?  I already seemed to
be in the middle of more things than I really needed to be.  Every time
something came up I was somehow thrust right in the middle of it and most
of the time it wasn't because I set out to be there.  Mostly it was like
everyone tried to put me there.  It was like they stuck me out there and
sat back, waiting to see if I survived.  If I did, they would act as if
they had known I could take care of the problem.  The school board did it,
Mr. Mathers did it, and the other teachers seemed to do it.  The debate
over the Scouts had been a classic example.  Everyone had beaten around the
bush and finally they had called on me.  The next thing I knew I was right
in the middle of trying to put the fire out.  The fact that the
Rev. Langston had gotten a little carried away had been the consequence of
that but I was sure none of the rest of the people had thought that would
happen.
	I finally had all the thighs browned so I poured some of the grease
out of the frying pan and then I added the stock to deglaze the pan.  Then
some evaporated milk along with a little flour mixed with some water to
thicken were added, and some salt and pepper.  When it was bubbling nicely
I added a little more of the milk because it was a little thick.  A few
more grinds of pepper adjusted the seasoning and it looked about right so I
poured it over the thighs and put the whole thing in the oven.
	About then I realized that Kyle had gone out with the boys.  This
was the first time that had happened.  I walked into the living room and
looked out at the driveway.  Kyle was leaning against the brick planter
that ran along the one side of the driveway watching the rest of the boys
play basketball.  By now several other boys had joined them and it looked
like they had a pretty good game going.  I couldn't see much of it because
the garage stuck out from the house but what I could see looked intense.  I
walked back to the kitchen and finished the slaw.
	By the time dinner was ready I had spent a lot more time worrying
but still couldn't decide what to do.  I really needed to talk with someone
but the question was who.  It needed to be someone not too closely
connected to me and that person also needed to understand the consequences
of what might happen.  That problem was still rattling around in my mind as
the boys seemed to inhale their chicken thighs along with huge piles of
mashed potatoes and gravy.  They could have eaten more of the peas and
onions but they at least ate some of them and the cole slaw seemed to be a
hit.  I'd picked up some fresh strawberries and they were pretty good when
sliced and served with a little cream on them.  At least the boys didn't
complain.  I even had some thighs left because I'd forgotten that Billy and
Larry weren't eating with us for a while.  The hospital had been short
handed and asked Billy's mother to change shifts while they recruited some
more personnel.  She was now working graveyard and was home at dinner time
so Billy and Larry were eating at Billy's house.  I had to admit I kind of
missed them.  It somehow just didn't seem right without them at the table.
	I kept my worries in the back of my mind all through dinner and
while the boys cleaned up the kitchen.  When they started their homework it
was once again time to dig them out and continue.  The problem was that I
was too close to the problem and I just kept going around in a circle.
There were real dangers in becoming too active in some issues but were the
issues important enough to me to take those risks?  For that matter, how
would my community react to such activities?  The gay agenda wasn't
something that was high on their list of priorities.  In fact, I'd never
heard it mentioned.  Except for the bigots like those who had attended
Rev. Langston's church, no one seemed to care but I couldn't be sure of
that.  There were just too many uncertainties to know how things would turn
out.  Still, did that give me the right to keep quiet?  How would it affect
things if I did speak up?  I kept worrying about it and finally gave up.
This was something I needed to find someone to talk with and get another
opinion.  My problem was still who that someone could be.
	The homework was checked and another few chicken thighs bit the
dust owing to the ever hungry boys.  We even checked a few things out and
decided on an RV park called Canyon RV Park.  It was a close call between
it and one called Orangeland but the boys liked the pictures of Canyon
better.  It was further away but they didn't seem worried about the
traffic.  As to the traffic, I wasn't sure they were right.  I'd been in
Los Angeles and knew the traffic could be a killer.  It was about fourteen
miles from Disneyland and shouldn't take that long to drive if the boys
were right.
	While we were looking things up, one of the boys checked his fund
price.  Jubilation reigned.  The market had a good day and they now were
almost four dollars ahead.  I had to take a little time and explain to Kyle
what they were excited about.  Those four dollars produced more high fives
than when I handed them each a twenty dollar bill.  Go figure that one out.
I sure couldn't.
	Friday was going along about like normal when it suddenly occurred
to me that I knew who to talk with.  Judy was the ideal choice.  She would
come closer to being able to judge the risks versus the rewards than anyone
else I knew.  I was much happier the rest of the day.  Now all I had to do
was ask her.
	Things were looking pretty good when we got home.  I was a lot more
relaxed now that I had a plan in mind and the forecast called for a nice
weekend.  In fact it was supposed to be one of those unseasonable weekends
in which temperatures would be way above normal and I was thinking of
firing up the barbeque for Sunday.  However the first thing was to get the
boys started giving the lawn a quick haircut.  It hadn't grown much but was
kind of ragged looking.
	You know about how that went.  I suppose I could say there was some
whining and leave it at that.  In actual practice I had to threaten them
with no dinner to get them going.  What I really told them is they couldn't
eat until the lawn was mowed and it was hard to mow in the dark.  After
that things went a little better.  Kyle was the only one that didn't bitch
and complain.  I really don't know what the big deal was because it only
took them forty-five minutes to mow and pick up the grass.  Dog really
enjoyed it.  He'd stand on the patio and bark at them.  Then he'd charge
out and roll on the fresh mowed lawn.  Then back on the patio and bark some
more.  By the time they had finished they were over being mad at me.  That
they all got to take turns on the riding mower helped.  When the lawn was
done I told them they had done such a good job they could choose where to
have dinner.  Corey suggested the Springers but I pointed out we needed to
make reservations for something like that so they all decided on Old Texas
Ribs.
	When we got back I pointed out that if they did their homework
tonight, they wouldn't have to worry about it.  Besides that would give
them their evenings free over the weekend and maybe a movie could be worked
in.  While they were doing their homework I called Judy.
	A few minutes conversation with her and I finally got around to
telling her what I wanted to talk with her about.  She said how about
Saturday afternoon.  We kicked that around a while and it sounded good.
The boys got through their homework in almost record time.  They didn't
have much but still, they normally managed to goof off more.  I was
finishing up checking it when I commented that, since they had gotten the
lawn done, they could choose what to do tomorrow.  That wasn't a very good
idea on my part.  They wanted to go to San Francisco for lunch.  I finally
managed to convince them that I had a meeting with Judy and just couldn't
take them to lunch at a place that required a little over a four hour drive
just to get there.  They were still plotting what to do when bed time
finally rolled around.  Sadly Kyle wasn't really participating.  He just
kind of stayed off to the side and listened in on the other boys.  Maybe
when I was talking with Judy she could give me some suggestions that would
help open him up.
	It started in the shower and continued into the bed.  Corey was in
one of those giggly moods.  It seemed like everything we did produced some
more giggles and a little more grabbing and groping.  The shower took
longer than necessary but we didn't mind.  We even managed to get clean
although that was the last thing on our minds.  It was probably a good
thing we brushed our teeth before the shower or they might have been
forgotten in our rush to the bed after said shower.
	Once we were in bed all the giggling stopped.  Instead it seemed
like all we wanted to do were hold and kiss each other.  Corey felt so
alive and warm in my arms.  Although he was sprawled across me, his weight
was like a feather.  I knew he'd grown a couple of inches since I first met
him and picked up better than fifteen pounds but those pounds and inches
made no difference.  Well the inches were nice because we lined up slightly
better but the pounds weren't even noticeable.  He was still pretty scrawny
but his frame was growing so rapidly that he couldn't seem to put on flesh
fast enough.  That growth spurt had been accompanied by the usual
awkwardness and things like stubbing his toes.  He had that somewhat gangly
look that all adolescents seem to have for a short while but I didn't care.
To me he looked perfect.  Not only that, as my hands roamed his back and
butt, he felt perfect.  The added exercise he had been getting, since his
knee was better, had even increased the size of his buttocks and they would
soon be bigger than my hands would cover.  Somehow I didn't think that
would be much of a problem.  I would just hold and knead what my hands
could cover and I could always move my hands a little to get the rest.
	Maybe it's funny but of all the things we did together, I think
holding and kissing are the best.  To have him in my arms filled my heart
with joy.  Being able to share kisses made it sometimes seem as if my heart
would burst.  The little sighs between kisses and the occasional nose rubs
made my heart feel as if it was pounding.  I just wanted to crush him to me
and never let go.  At times like this I felt as if I could spend the rest
of my life with him in my arms.  Nothing else would be necessary to keep me
happy.
	Somehow I was now on top.  That made it much easier to kiss and
lick those parts of him I wanted to.  I felt his hands fall away when I
started nibbling on his earlobes.  He just gave a big sigh and relaxed.  He
was obviously mine to do with as I would.
	There were so many things I wanted to do to him that I couldn't
really make up my mind.  So I just kept nibbling on earlobes, interspersed
with a lot of kissing.  On the occasions that I raised my head I could see
his eyes were closed and he had a little grin on his face.  I didn't spend
much time looking because I had better things to do.  After all, there were
earlobes to nibble, soft warm lips to kiss, tongues to taste and share, and
a whole face that was just made for licking and kissing.  I managed to
spend quite a bit of time doing all those things before I felt the need to
explore further.
	It was finally time to move on.  I'd covered that face and those
earlobes with kisses and there was all the rest of Corey to explore.  I
slid down the bed a little and my next playground was now within reach.  A
little nibbling and sucking on a nipple made him writhe under me.  His head
flopped back and forth and the sighs became more pronounced.  When I worked
my way over to an armpit and started licking it, the sighs started to turn
into groans and he twisted his body so that armpit was even more
accessible.  Listening to those Corey sounds and feeling him twist and
writhe under me were things I simply loved.  To know that I could give him
so much pleasure filled my heart with happiness.  Not only that, I still
had a nipple and armpit that needed their share of attention.  So far I had
only worked on the right side and it would be a crime if his left side felt
I didn't like it just as well.  I'd always been taught that one shouldn't
show favoritism and I certainly didn't want one side of Corey to think I
didn't like it.  I loved both sides equally.
	I would have been happy to stop and explore his navel after
spending sufficient time on both nipples and armpits but the level of
sounds had increased to where that seemed ill advised.  I was afraid if I
stopped there his offering would just splatter all over.  The sheets would
be sticky and it would just go to waste so I bypassed his navel and moved
right on down to my goal.  Maybe next time I could give it the attention it
deserved.  It was such a nice little innie and I always enjoyed exploring
it but tonight there just wasn't time.
	It was everything I had been working towards.  The taste was great
and it filled my mouth nicely.  I could feel his hands in my hair,
clutching and encouraging me.  I wanted to just stop and savor it but Corey
wanted more.  His gasping was interspersed with groans and a few words and
phrases panted out, like "Oh God," and "Don't stop now."  When I'd raise my
head his body would arch under me, straining to keep his cock deep in my
mouth.  When my head would go back down, his body would drop back to the
bed and I would hear a gasp.
	Suddenly the toy in my mouth was even harder and his body was
straining upward.  There were no sounds for a few seconds and suddenly his
body arched even higher and a ragged grunt escaped him.  His hands were
pushing down on my head and I was trying to raise it so I could savor his
flavor.  His body tried to lurch upward a few times and suddenly I could
raise my head enough to properly capture my reward.  It was the perfect
dessert for the day.  I enjoyed every drop of it and was left wanting more.
	Corey was just limp when I moved up beside him and wrapped my arms
around him.  His breathing was still ragged but it didn't take long until
it started to slow down.  We shared a few kisses and I could feel him
snuggle into his favorite position.  Soon his head was heavier on my chest
and I knew he was asleep.  His exertions had slightly increased his odor
and I fell asleep with the wonderful smell of his hair in my nose.
	We are creatures of habit.  About the time my alarm should have
gone off, my bladder notified me it was time to get up.  Corey was on his
side and I was spooned up to him.  I really hated to break contact but
nature would not be denied.  I managed to get out of bed and shuffled to
the bathroom with my knees kept close together.  I felt like my teeth were
about to float away.  It almost seemed like my kidneys took most of the
night off and just before the usual wake up time they kicked in gear and
filled my bladder.  After the usual struggle trying to get it to point at
the toilet I finally managed to relax enough to let my stream start.  As
the pressure started to go down, my whole body seemed to relax.  I felt
much better.
	I'd just finished and was about to head back to bed with Corey when
he came dashing in, whimpering something about get out of the way.  I
returned to the bedroom and was just about to get back in bed and wait for
Corey when Dog bounced into the room.  It was obvious he was in a good mood
and really needed a belly scratch.  How could I tell?  The fact he crawled
up on the bed and flopped on his back with his paws in the air and his tail
wagging like crazy gave me a pretty good idea.  I'd just gotten started
scratching Dog when Corey joined in.  Dog was in doggy heaven.  Two sets of
hands scratching and rubbing him sent his tail into overdrive.  When we
finally stopped poor Dog couldn't figure out which of us to give a tongue
bath to.  He'd make a couple of swipes at Corey and then a few at me.
Since he was so firmly ensconced in the middle of the bed I gave up and got
dressed.  Dog might get in the way of any lovemaking and besides, I didn't
want to be cold-nosed right in the middle of things.
	I finally fixed breakfast.  Dog got his usual share and then we all
got started on the housework.  The boys were still trying to decide what
they wanted to do but we got a few things done before they decided they
wanted to go down to the little video arcade at the mall.  When they said
they were going to ride their bikes I could see Kyle's shoulders slump.  I
suddenly thought I knew a way to solve that problem.
	It wasn't hard to lead Kyle to the garage.  I just put my arm
around his shoulder and headed that way.  He could either walk along with
me or resist.  He was still pretty meek so he walked along.  I thought his
brain was going into overload when I told him he could either have my bike
or we would shop for one he would like.  In either case he was welcome to
use it until he made up his mind.  His eyes were wide open and he stammered
a lot but I eventually figured out he was more than happy to accept my bike
as his own.  Now all I had to do was get another one for myself.  So far I
wasn't having very good luck keeping a bicycle.  Maybe if I didn't get
myself another one I wouldn't end up with any more boys to worry about.
That was a thought worth considering.
	The boys took off on their bikes, telling me they would be home
sometime in the afternoon.  I wondered if Mc Donald's or some other place
would be their idea of lunch.  I knew they would never be able to last
until they got home.  I'd given them their allowances last night and Kyle
had gotten two weeks worth because I hadn't remembered to get enough cash
last week.  Then for some reason it had escaped my mind.  I had remembered
to buy him a meal ticket for the cafeteria but I had been able to pay for
that with a check.  I could have dug into my emergency cash but that
consisted of five $100 dollar bills and I had no way to make change.  As
they were leaving I handed them each another twenty and told them to have
fun.  From the expression on his face I don't think Kyle had ever had that
much money at one time.  I reminded them to be sure and leave enough of
their money home to buy next weeks lunch ticket and they all ran back to
their rooms and soon after that were headed for the mall.
	I threw another load in the washer and folded the one that had just
finished drying.  Then I headed for Downie's to see what looked good for
dinner tomorrow.  As far as that went, I wasn't sure what I wanted to fix
tonight.  Bob would be here because he was going to give Corey another
lesson.  Sometimes he came over on Fridays and sometimes Saturdays.  It
just depended on how all our schedules worked.  Mr. Besslor had begged off
so he could go help Steve celebrate his birthday and that meant that LT
would miss one lesson.  I still needed to talk with LT and see if he wanted
to continue his lessons.  It seemed like I kept making those mental notes
to myself and never getting them done.  How many times had I thought about
LT and his music lessons?  It must be in the dozens by now and I still
hadn't asked him.  I really needed to get myself organized.
	Thankfully Mrs. Downie was busy and I got to shop in relative
peace.  I had to say hello to several people I knew but none required a
long conversation.  When I got to the meat department, my problem was
solved.  There were a bunch of different things there and I started
grabbing them.  I would have a gumbo.  I grabbed some Andouille sausage,
some shrimp, some scallops, some mussels, a kielbasa, and a bunch of other
things.  I wasn't sure how the boys would like the okra but would find out
when they ate it.  However I wouldn't put as much in as I normally would
until they had tried it.  A couple of loaves of French bread to go with it
went in the cart and I was off to the frozen foods to find the okra.  I
also grabbed a bunch of rib steaks to barbeque tomorrow.  By the time I was
ready to check-out, I wasn't sure the cart would hold everything.  It
seemed like every place I went in the store I found another goody to put in
the gumbo.  A yellow and a green bell pepper and some shallots would be
good in it.  My mouth was watering while I shopped.  I could almost taste
it.
 	I decided to have potato salad with the steaks so when I had all
the groceries put away I started it.  I put some eggs and potatoes on to
cook while I cleaned the shrimp.
	The shrimp were nice big whole shrimp.  They were what had made me
think of gumbo.  I could use the bodies for stock and it would make the
gumbo better.  I had the potatoes and the eggs cooked and the shrimp stock
simmering by the time Judy showed up.  We had some casual conversation
while I was pouring her coffee and I even ended up inviting her and her
family to dinner.  I had enough stuff for the gumbo to probably feed half
the town.  Their daughter, Debbie, wouldn't be able to attend because she
had a date but Judy assured me Art would bring his appetite.
	I continued fixing the potato salad while I told Judy about my
concerns regarding the need to be more active in advocating some causes.  I
explained how I worried about not having taken an active enough role and
told her about Cody and why I thought such a role might have helped.  I
even told her that I wondered if I had been taking the coward's way out by
not becoming active in a lot of causes and coming out.  I also told of how
I was worried that if I did become active, would it affect the boys?  I
just kept talking and she occasionally asked a question that would have me
talking on another thing I was worried about.  I guess it all could be
condensed to two things.  Should I try to be more active in trying to stop
all forms of bigotry, especially towards homosexuals, and if I was more
active, would it cause any problems for the boys and my having them?  There
were lots of other little things thrown in but those two were the main
ones.  By the time I finished talking, the shrimp stock was done and so was
the potato salad.  I had kept cooking while I talked because it just seemed
to make it easier.  It gave me an excuse to pause while I did something and
that way I could arrange some of my thoughts.  When I looked at my watch I
realized I had been talking for almost an hour and a half.  I poured some
more coffee and waited to hear what Judy would say.
	"Tell me Sam, do you think you can change the whole world?"  That
was what she asked after sitting and sipping her coffee for a couple of
minutes.  It was not quite what I had expected.  In fact it was so far from
anything I had expected that I wasn't quite sure what to say.
	"Of course not.  But don't you think I should try to do a little
bit.  I mean look what might have happened if Larry hadn't spotted Cody.
My God, he might have killed himself.  I don't know if anything I might
have done would have helped but something needs to be done."
	"And I think something is being done.  You told me that all the
teachers had talked it over and agreed to look a little closer at the kids
and try to make sure they got the help they needed.  How would your coming
out be any more effective?"
	I didn't have an answer to Judy's question and I'm not sure anyone
could answer it.  Still it seemed like I needed to try to do something.
	"I don't know Judy.  It just seems like I need to do more.  How
could I live with myself if I didn't do all I could and some kid killed
himself?  There's just got to be some way to stop things like that.  Maybe
if I came out the kids with problems would know they had someone they could
talk to."
	Judy snorted.  "Jesus Sam, I don't know about you.  Sometimes
you're so blind I wonder how you survive.  All the kids already know they
can come to you.  They might not know all about you but the sure as hell
know you'll help them with sexuality problems.  Cody would have known that
but he wouldn't talk to anybody and had only been here this year.  Any of
the teachers would have picked his problems up if he had been here longer
but they never knew him any way other than how he appeared this year.  I
sometimes manage to get a little information out of Debbie and she says the
whole school knows you'll help them.  You'd probably have more kids talking
to you but they aren't willing to admit it, even to themselves."
	"So what should I do?  You're the only one I know that I think can
even come close to telling me.  You already know about me.  You also have a
better idea of what might be acceptable to everyone.  I'm afraid to talk to
a lot of my friends because I'd have to tell them.  I don't know how they'd
take it.  I don't even know if I'd still have a job if I did that."
	Judy sighed and didn't answer for a while.
	"Look, I can't tell you what to do.  Maybe I can point out some
things to think about.  You've already admitted you know you can't change
the world by yourself.  So what is it that you really want to do?  Just
give me the most important things."
	That made me really stop and think.  In the end what I really
wanted to do was teach school and help the boys.  Those were the two most
important things I could think of.  Most other things were a lot further
down the list.  In teaching school I had a chance to help young people grow
and learn.  By grow I meant grow mentally.  When it came to the boys, all I
really wanted for them was for them to grow up and be happy with who they
were.  If they managed to do that, all else would fall into place.  I
didn't care if they dug ditches or were doctors.  As long as they were
happy that was all that was necessary.  I kept stammering around, trying to
come up with something else and Judy finally shut me up.
	"Okay, you want to teach.  If you come out, that may no longer be
possible here.  This is still a pretty old-fashioned town.  I'm not sure
they would accept an openly gay, or bi, or whatever you are teacher.  You
want to help your boys.  If word got out about your sexuality that might
not be possible.  Look Sam, you can only do so much.  You need to recognize
and set your priorities.  No one person can right all the wrongs of the
world.  You need to figure out what you can do to make the world a better
place and then stick to it.  In your case I think you would be better off
just working with young people.  You're good at it and they like and
respect you.  If you get caught up in other things, it will just leave you
less time to do those things you're really good at.  You also need to
recognize that you can't single handedly save the world.  Save that part
that you can.  Let other people save the other parts.  For you I think that
probably means helping young people.  We all have to make choices.  There
are lots of things wrong in my world.  It didn't take me long to understand
that I couldn't fix everything.  I was forced to accept that fact or get
fired.  When I was faced with that choice I decided to ignore as much as I
could and instead concentrate on helping as many children as I could.
Sure, I could spend all my time fighting with the higher-ups in the
department but I probably wouldn't make that much difference.  By
overlooking a lot of things I can help some kids.  If it was just you I'd
say do whatever you want but with the boys added, you need to be careful.
You can't save the whole world and you can't even fix all the things wrong
in our little area.  What you can do is make a difference to a lot of kids
and especially to your boys.  Yes I know, Kyle isn't really coming around
yet but give him a little time.  He needs time to get used to you and see
how things really are.  You said that Jason is starting to come around.
Don't you think that Kyle deserves at least as much, if not more time.
After all, he didn't even know you and Jason did.  As long as you don't
make too many waves I can help cover some things up but if it gets too bad
my hands are tied.  You need to decide what is really important to you and
then try not to do anything to louse it up.  You can probably get away with
quite a bit because everyone is used to you and even expects some of it.
I'd say just keep doing what you're doing and quit worrying about
everything else.  That might not be what you wanted to hear but I don't
know what else to tell you."
	I was sitting there, trying to digest what Judy had said, when I
heard the boys open the door.  They headed for the refrigerator like they
hadn't had anything to eat in months.
	"Corey, quit drinking from the carton and use a glass," I yelled.
He just grinned and handed the carton to LT who never missed a beat and
took a big drink out of it.  By the time JJ had his share the carton was
empty and they opened a new one and even poured Kyle a glass of milk.  At
least they didn't drink from the new carton.  Judy snickered at my lack of
discipline and told me she would be back at dinner time and then left.  The
boys wanted to know what I was cooking and when I told them gumbo, all I
got were blank looks.  When I explained what it was they brightened right
up.  I really don't know why they were worried about dinner because they
each had a couple of sandwiches that they were busily eating.  Only a
teenager can worry about what's for dinner when eating a couple of mid
afternoon sandwiches.
	I went through the usual lecture about picking up after their
snacks and they even put their glasses in the dishwasher.  I wonder how
long that will last? The usual two weeks.  All the while they were
chattering away about how much fun they'd had.  I suddenly noticed that
Kyle was entering into the conversation.  This was about as animated as I'd
seen him.  He almost looked happy.
	Kids started showing up and the usual basketball game was soon in
progress.  When I looked out the window I could see Kyle once again leaning
against the planter but now it looked like he was yelling something once in
a while.  I knew his ribs still bothered him because he frequently asked
one of the other boys for help with his tee shirts.  Some of the bruises
were looking pretty good but his left shoulder and ribs still looked grim.
However his thigh was improving.
	I stuck a CD in the player and sat back and enjoyed a little
Rachmaninoff.  Dog wanted his usual belly scratch but I could do that and
still think about what Judy had said.  She made good sense.  I couldn't do
everything and the boys were the most important thing to me.  While maybe
it was the coward's way out I now saw that I had to keep going just as I
had.  I couldn't accomplish enough in other areas to take the chance of
hurting the boys.  They needed the home I was providing and maybe even me.
At least that solved that problem.  I no longer needed to worry about it.
	Somehow that decision made me feel better about myself.  As usual
Judy had cut right to the important part and put it in the proper
perspective.  There was only so much I could do and the boys came first.
However that would require one thing I had not thought about before.  No
one had ever asked me about my sexuality and now, if asked, I would have to
deny it or at least mislead them.  There were some who had figured it out
but they had never asked and to those who had figured it out, I never
denied it.  Now I might be forced to deny it.  I wasn't really comfortable
with that.  Plus how was I going to explain that denial to the boys.  I was
always telling them not to lie and now I was going to have to explain to
them why I might end up doing what I was telling them not to do.  That sure
wasn't a very good example for them.  Sure I'd always told the usual little
white lies like the meal was excellent when I thought it stunk but I'd
never been forced to really tell a lie about any thing that mattered.  My
folks could always see right through me and I had finally just given up and
told the truth.  Perhaps the surprising thing about that was that once I
had decided that it didn't do any good to try to hide things from them,
they quit asking so many questions.  Maybe I no longer radiated guilt.  I
didn't volunteer some things but when asked I just told them.  There were a
few times that was a little embarrassing but I knew I couldn't get away
with it so I might just as well tell them the truth and get it over with.
I knew Uncle Matt had run interference for me a few times and for that I
was grateful.  Some things are just real difficult to discuss with your
parents.  I think they were grateful to Uncle Matt for sparing them the
same embarrassment.  About the time the CD ended I knew I was going to have
to have a long talk with the boys.  I wasn't looking forward to that.
	It was time to get the dinner cooking.  I took some bacon grease
and put it in a pan and started it heating.  When it was hot I sprinkled a
like amount of flour in and started whisking it.  I'd already chopped two
big yellow onions and the green and yellow bell pepper along with some
celery.  I'd even thawed and chopped up the okra.  When the flour had
turned dark brown, I added the vegetables.  I had three quarts of the
shrimp stock warming in a big kettle.  By the time the okra was no longer
stringy and the onion translucent, the stock was hot.  I added the
vegetables, cooked in the roux, to the stock slowly and stirred them in.  I
then cut the Andouille and Kielbasa sausages into bite sized pieces and
added them to the pot.  I then took a couple of cans of whole tomatoes and
added, squeezing the tomatoes and breaking them up in my hand.  Some spices
got thrown in and it was time to let it cook for a while.  I also needed to
cook the rice.
	The basketball game broke up when Bob arrived.  He had no more than
gotten through the door when Judy and Art showed up.  The boys had a can of
pop while the adults all had a beer.  I continued getting the dinner ready
while we all visited.  I scrubbed the mussels and steamer clams and fixed a
green salad.  I also got the bread ready to put in the oven by splitting
the loves and putting on some garlic butter, topped with a sprinkle of
Parmesan cheese.  After a last minute check of the seasoning, I put the
mussels and clams in the kettle.  The salad was on the table and the bread
in the oven.  I added the shrimp and scallops to the kettle.  A few minutes
later I dumped the last of the crab we had brought back from San Francisco
and a little File` powder in the kettle.  Using the crab got one item out
of the freezer.  A quick stir and I turned the stove off and covered the
pot.  The rice would be done in a few minutes and we could start our salads
while we waited.
	The salads were soon history and it was time for the main course.
JJ and LT removed the foil from the bread and cut it up while Corey and I
served the gumbo.  A bed of rice, in a flat soup bowl, was covered with a
bunch of the gumbo and some chopped green onions sprinkled over it.  There
was a bottle of Tabasco on the table for those who liked it hotter.  It was
time to get serious about eating.
	The eight of us did a lot better on the gumbo than I thought we
would.  Kyle approached it pretty cautiously but the other boys dove right
in.  A few bites and he was just as busy filling his mouth as the other
boys.  No one seemed to object to the okra.  They didn't say anything but,
judging by the amount consumed, it didn't seem to put them off.  Everyone
even had seconds.  When we were all stuffed, the boys picked up the dishes
and put them in the dishwasher.  Corey and Bob took off to Corey's room for
his lesson and the Smellings and I retired to the living room and just sat
around and batted the breeze.  It wasn't long until we were all complaining
about the government.  Art worked for the highway department, Judy for
Children's Services, and I worked in education.  Between those three fields
we had lots to complain about.  After a while Judy grinned and said it was
time to earn her money.  With that she got some forms out and started
filling them out.  She made a big deal out of it.  We had to talk about
dinner and if she thought it was nutritionally sound.  She grinned and said
that by counting the wine as fruit, it just barely made it.  She told me I
was probably violating the child labor laws by making the boys pick up the
kitchen after dinner but she would overlook it this time.  Then there were
child abuse charges.  Making Corey study art in the evenings was finally
determined to be acceptable but just barely.  We were having a good time
just joking around.  Still Judy was actually filling some forms out.  She
did ask how the boys were doing in school and I got out my laptop and
showed her their grades.  Corey's were up for the year and JJ and LT were
doing well.  They had suffered a drop for a short while when their parents
had kicked them out or had taken off but now were right back to the same
levels they had been.  They were even slightly up in math.  We didn't have
enough to make much of Kyle's yet because he was still just settling into
our school.
	Judy then asked me if she could see a couple of other student's
grades.  She explained that they were under her supervision and since I had
the whole student body's grades on my laptop, it would save her a few
minutes when she visited them.  After thinking about it for a few seconds I
called the records of the students in question up.  While I wasn't supposed
to let anyone see the records, I figured Judy was an exception.  I knew she
had the right to walk into the school and study any records she wanted to.
She made a couple of notes on them and we moved on to other things.
	I dug out the bills for Kyle's clothes and she told me that the
state would reimburse me for some of them.  She also told me she would set
up appointments for JJ and LT with a doctor so the state would have its
necessary records up to date.  We kept joking around, with Judy filling out
her forms, when it dawned on me she was really getting a lot of information
about the boys.  I finally asked if I could see one of the forms and she
just handed me one.  I couldn't believe the amount of information the state
required.  I'd never given much of a thought about the state's tracking of
the care a foster child was receiving.  I swear there were boxes to be
checked off and blanks to be filled in for everything.  I was surprised I
wasn't required to supply information about how often each of the boys
farted.  By the time I scanned the form, that was about the only thing the
state didn't want to know.  I asked her about the box asking if the room of
the foster child appeared clean and adequate.  That got some snickers from
her.  She said if she filled that one out honestly, the state would remove
Debbie and she wasn't even in foster care.  I had to laugh and tell her not
to look too closely at JJ's room or he might be joining Debbie.  Of course
I then had to show her the boy's rooms.  JJ's wasn't as bad as it sometimes
was but it could definitely use a little cleaning up.  Judy just giggled
and said it looked better than her daughter's room.  I was getting the
impression that Debbie wasn't the world's neatest child. At least JJ's bed
was made even if there were some dirty clothes on the floor.
	Judy then excused herself to talk with the boys.  She had a bunch
of questions she had to ask them so she could finish out the forms.  She
headed into the family room where they were watching the tube.  I went back
to the living room to visit with Art.  Bob and Corey soon joined us.  The
lesson was over.  Still it was quite a while before Judy was finished with
JJ, LT, and Kyle.  Finally the guests had all left and I decided it was
time to have a talk with the boys.
	It wasn't much of a talk.  I started out trying to explain why I
might be forced to be less than truthful about my sexuality and I got lots
of strange expressions, accompanied by eyes rolling up towards the ceiling
and sighs.  It didn't take them long to convince me that they had already
figured that out and I was some kind of idiot for even thinking we needed
to talk about it.  I just gave up and let them get back to watching the
movie they had playing.  They made it pretty clear they didn't want, nor
need to talk about it and that only an adult would be dumb enough to think
it needed discussion.  Their attitude was that anyone with any brains would
have figured that out long ago so why talk about it now.  Just shut up and
go fix us some popcorn.  That seemed like a reasonable idea so I did.

		To be continued...

	Gumbo is one of those dishes that probably have as many recipes as
there are cooks.  About the only thing they all share is a roux.  Of course
a roux is nothing more than flour and oil or fat of some kind cooked
together.  The gumbo in the story is a seafood one but you can use chicken
or about any thing you want to make one.  You don't have to use any okra in
it if you dislike okra.  Since it was a seafood one I used shrimp stock in
it.  Make the stock by taking the shrimp bodies and the peelings from the
tails and putting them in a kettle or stock pot.  Add four or five quarts
of water.  In this recipe you need three quarts of stock so a little over
four quarts of water should be enough.  While it's starting to heat, take
some cheesecloth and put a couple of tablespoons of crab boil, four cloves
of garlic, and a couple of bay leaves on it and tie it into a bundle and
add to the pot.  Once it starts to boil, turn the heat down to a simmer and
let cook at least forty-five minutes.  A little longer is better.  When it
is finished cooking, strain.  If you don't have quite three quarts, add a
little water to make up the difference.  Don't forget to skim the foam a
few times while cooking.
	Take a cup of bacon drippings or vegetable oil and put in a pan and
heat.  Sprinkle a cup of flour in when the grease is hot and start
stirring.  Use a medium to medium high heat.  You don't want the flour to
burn but you do want it to get nice and brown.  If it gets black specks in
it throw it out and start over.  Take my word for it, burnt roux doesn't
taste good.  You will need to keep stirring to keep it from burning.
	Once the flour has achieved a dark brown color, add the vegetables
and keep stirring.  This one called for a couple of large yellow onions
coarsely chopped, a green and a yellow bell pepper seeded and chopped, a
couple of shallots chopped, a cup or so of chopped celery, and about a
pound of okra chopped into small bite-sized pieces.  You have to keep
stirring because the roux will burn if you don't.  If you happen to have a
wok with a flat bottom it works great for the roux and vegetables.  Once
the onions and shallots are transparent and the okra no longer stringy,
remove from the heat.
	In a large kettle place the three quarts of stock and bring to a
simmer.  Then start adding the vegetables and stirring.  I add them in
small batches, stirring all the while.  Once all the vegetable are in, add
the sausage.  In this recipe there was about a pound each of Andouille and
kielbasa cut into bite sized pieces.  The seasoning consisted of a teaspoon
each of thyme, rosemary, cayenne, oregano, and ground black pepper.  I
never use ground pepper from the store and always grind my own.  I have my
pepper mill set for a slightly coarse grind.  I also added a heaping
tablespoon of dried basil, a couple heaping tablespoons of sugar, and a few
squirts of Tabasco.  If you don't like things hot you might want to wait on
the Tabasco.  It will probably take around a tablespoon of salt but don't
put that all in at this point.  You can add more later but you can't take
it out.  I'd say a couple of teaspoons at this point.  Also add a couple of
twenty-eight ounce cans of whole tomatoes, liquid and all and a couple of
good glug's of red wine.  How much is a couple of glug's?  I don't know,
somewhere between a quarter and a half a cup.  Just dump some in and don't
worry about it.  I squeeze the tomatoes to break them into pieces.  Let it
simmer for a half hour or so, stirring occasionally.  Then adjust the
seasoning.  The rice will take a little of the fire out but not much so you
want it about right.  Add any salt or Tabasco you think it needs at this
time.
	Then I added a couple of pounds each of mussels and steamer clams
that are still in the shell.  Be sure to scrub them well and check for dead
ones before you dump them in.  Throw the dead ones away.  And no, don't use
soap to scrub them.  A brush and cold running water will do the job.  You
want the shells to stay nice and tight when you try to pry them open.  If
they open they are dead and need to be discarded.  Cover the kettle and let
cook for about four or five minutes.  Then I added the pealed shrimp, a
pound and a half of small scallops, and the crab, which had been frozen but
was now defrosted, and let cook a few more minutes.  When most of the
shells on the mussels and clams start to open it should be done.  Add a
tablespoon or so of File` powder, give another quick stir, cover, remove
from the heat and let stand for about ten minutes.  That gives the spices
time to flavor the mussels and clams and the File` powder time to be
absorbed.  For those that don't know, File` powder is ground sassafras
leaves and is pronounced fee-lay with the accent on the first syllable.  By
the way, I started with three pounds of whole shrimp, twenty to thirty to
the pound.
	Serve over a bed of cooked rice.  I happen to like brown rice but
it's up to you.  Be sure to put the bottle of Tabasco or whatever hot sauce
you like on the table so people can add some if they wish.
	If you don't want a seafood gumbo you can use chicken stock and
pieces of chicken in place of the seafood.  Thighs and drumsticks work
well. Throw them in when you add the sausage.  I always brown them before
putting them in the gumbo.  Some ham cut into bite sized pieces also goes
well in the chicken version.
      I will confess that I use a little more cayenne because I like it to
have some bite and I like the flavor of cayenne.  When you adjust the
seasoning you can add more of any of the spices.  While I don't like it so
hot I break out in a sweat, I do want it hot enough to where I have to stop
occasionally and let my mouth cool off.  A sip or two of wine helps in
that.
      One last thing.  Don't forget to put some containers on the table to
dispose of the clam and muscle shells.  Otherwise the dang things clutter
up your bowl making it hard to eat the rice.  I like a good dry red wine
with it.