Date: Sat, 18 Nov 2006 17:35:27 -0800
From: fritz@nehalemtel.net
Subject: I Love Corey, Chapter 89
You know the drill. That means if you don't belong here, leave.
At the risk of being redundant, that means all you minors, or people who
become upset with the descriptions of gay sex acts, or those who live in
areas where the reading of this story is prohibited are the ones I'm
telling to leave. To think that I can somehow see through the Internet and
tell if you are among the described groups is silly, so I can't help you
decide and you will have to make up your own mind as to whether or not you
fall into any of the mentioned groups. Therefore, it is on your shoulders
if you get caught and in trouble. Don't blame me; I'm only the writer.
Moving along, this story is fiction. That means that any
resemblance to persons living or dead, or to any acts that may have taken
place is accidental and was not intended. If you think differently, then
you are wrong.
Bless Don's heart. His help is invaluable and you need to remember
him in your prayers. I do.
As usual, any comments, suggestions, questions, or complaints may
be directed to "fritz@nehalemtel.net" Who knows, I might even answer them.
I'll even put you on the chapter notification list if you request it. With
that said, I hope you enjoy the following chapter. Fritz
************************************************************************
I Love Corey, Chapter Eighty-nine
"I need you to tell the hospital to allow me to bring David home if
he's willing to come with me. I don't want them to say anything about it,
I want to spring it on him cold turkey. I've got the afternoon free and
I'll head his way in a few minutes. Do you think you can arrange that
Judy?"
"What do you have in mind?" Judy asked.
"Maybe I'm wrong, but I think everyone's been pressuring him and
he's flat scared. I'm going to see if he'll come home with me and maybe
then he'll decide to open up to us. I know you're going to be gone next
week, but I just heard from Jerry and the school won't be open next week,
so that gives me time to work on him. When you get back, hopefully I can
have enough information so you can decide what to do with him."
There was a long pause before she said anything. "Sam, that's
highly irregular. We haven't been able to check and see if he has parents
who want him back."
"I know, but unless you get some information, how will you be able
to check? He can stay in the hospital for the next week and when you get
back you can try to pry it out of him, but I don't see that you're going to
be able to do that while at the seminar," I replied. "So it looks to me
like you won't be any further ahead by leaving him in the hospital, and you
might be if I can get any information out of him."
"I don't know, all those boys and your family, they might overpower
him."
"Since you're leaving tomorrow, what did you plan on doing with him
while you were gone?" I asked. "Just lying in the hospital for the next
week won't help him. As for the boys, maybe when he sees them he will
start to feel comfortable enough to talk. It isn't like I torture them all
the time."
I could hear Judy snicker as she thought about that. "Better watch
out Sam, I'll have you up on child abuse charges. I've seen how you force
them to eat all that food," she giggled. "That alone ought to get you
twenty years."
She giggled a little more and then said, "Maybe you're right.
Seeing all the boys and how they act might be the best thing in the world
for him. I'll tell the hospital that if he wants to go with you, you have
temporary custody. How's that? We can sort it out when I get back. I'll
even drop off the papers when I bring Andrea over. He needs some clothes,
so keep track of your receipts as usual. If anything comes up that needs a
decision, talk to Marcie. She'll be in charge while I'm gone and she
should be home by Sunday.
"The only other thing I can think of is you'll probably have to set
up doctor appointments locally. Probably Dr. Logan would be best, but use
your own judgment if he can't take him. I'll also drop off enough
information for billing Children's Services so you can give it to whoever
ends up treating him.
"By the way, his name didn't help. There are no records of a David
Austin Taylor in the system from any state."
That surprised me. I was almost positive that he had given me his
real name just from the way he had said it and the tone of his voice. If
it wasn't his real name, he was the best actor I'd ever seen.
"I suppose he might have lied, but I think that's his name. Is
there a chance his name might not be in any records with Children's
Services in any state?"
"Oh Lord yes," Judy answered. "He'd only be in the records if he'd
been investigated by Children's Services or reported missing. There are
likely thousands of kids out there who are not in the system who should be,
but we have no way of knowing about them. There are simply too many kids
with that name to call and check everyone who turned up with that name in
his general age range. If you can narrow it down a little, like state of
birth or exact age, I'm sure we can come up with some information. As it
is, we're looking at around six million boys aged thirteen through fifteen
in the U.S. and while I think he's from a southern state, he might not have
been born there. David is a very common first name and the same with
Taylor for a last name. We haven't even tried to start a search based only
on his name. So far, all we've done is run that name through every state's
Children's Services department and their police files for missing children.
Several looked promising, but in the end didn't match for one reason or
another. I started the search after you called last night and we've been
working on it all morning. If you don't get us more to go on, next week
we'll start a search based only on name and see what turns up, but frankly
that takes a lot of man-hours which costs money, something we don't have an
excess of. When I can't even guarantee that's his name, we hate to spend
the money, but may have to."
I knew that Judy frequently complained of lack of funding, but had
never considered that sometimes it hampered her efforts. Yet I had seen
that same lack of funding place obstacles in the way of good education, so
I shouldn't have been surprised.
"Okay, I'll call Marcie if I learn anything. He might not be
willing to come home with me, so I can't promise much," I said.
Judy's voice changed to warm and understanding. "I know Sam. I
never expected you to do as much as you have. Thank you."
We chatted a couple more minutes before hanging up, and then it was
time for me to make my plan of attack on David. I needed to decide if I
should take any of the boys with me, or go by myself. As it turned out I
didn't get a chance to decide that before I had a bunch of boys sticking
their oars in.
Sometimes I wonder about my boys. Most of the time a person would
wonder if they had any brains in their heads, but occasionally they really
can think. Just a few minutes conversation and they decided that Corey
should go with me and that he should sit in the Gator until I called him
and asked him to come in. Their reasoning seemed good to me, so I agreed.
Corey grabbed a book he was reading and away we went. Kath was going to
get supplies for lunch tomorrow and also some things for dinner. John
showed up just as Corey and I were leaving so Uncle Matt and Aunt Sandy
were going to look at what he had available, and the other boys were going
to the mall and play some video games. I wondered if John was ready for
the giggle boxes, but that was out of my control so he was on his own.
The drive to town was wonderful. Somehow the subject of David
never really came up and instead Corey and I had some rare time alone. We
talked about all kinds of things, like his art and was he happy, and of
course I told him how proud I was of him for the leadership he was showing
and the improvement in his grades. I wished the drive would never end, but
all too soon we were approaching Redding. I hated to leave him in the
Gator and would have rather sat and held him and kissed him, but now that
we were here, it was time to see what happened. I'd even remembered to
bring along some of Corey's clothes in case David was willing to come home
with me. I figured they would come closest to fitting and he could wear
them long enough to where we could do some shopping. Corey and I even
sneaked a kiss before I headed into the hospital. With the giggle boxes
around there hadn't been much time or chance for any private and personal
time.
As I was walking from the parking lot to the hospital, I was
thinking about the lack of private time Corey and I were now faced with.
When he had been the only boy living with me, we had spent lots of time
just being together, but as more boys were added, there was less time for
Corey. I regretted that, but he seemed to understand. In fact, he seemed
more accepting of it than I was. Once he had understood that none of the
other boys would take his place he turned into the perfect big brother,
watching over and helping them. Perhaps part of it was that he had been
forced to watch out for himself so long that he was more mature in some
ways, but mostly I thought it was because of his personality. Where I
needed to teach, Corey seemed to need to help people. He tried to keep his
brothers under control and keep them out of trouble and even tried to help
cover up some of the things they did. I was very lucky to have him because
without him there was no way I could have been as successful with the
others as I was. He was the glue that held all of us together.
As I approached the nurse's station I saw the same nurse who had
told me she thought David needed a friend. She gave me a big smile and
nodded to his door, warning me the doctor was with David. I stood and
visited with her for a few minutes while waiting for the doctor to finish,
learning that her normal shift was noon to eight and the only reason she
had been on duty as late as I'd seen her was that one of the other nurses
had talked her into covering for a couple of hours while he attended his
daughter's wedding rehearsal. Nurse Karstan was one of those bright and
bubbly people with whom it was easy to visit, and along the way she got me
to tell about the boys and how my life had experienced a big change
starting last fall. Finally, the doctor finished and I started to head for
David's room.
"Good luck with him. He's lonely and afraid and he needs someone
he can trust," she said.
I turned back to her. "You're right, but I don't know how to
convince him he can trust me. I wish I did."
"Don't try to rush him. Just give him the time to make up his mind
and I'm sure he'll come around."
With that she went back to looking at some paperwork and I headed
on over to David's room. The problem was that I knew she was right and I'd
been going to try to pressure him about going home with me. I now realized
that wouldn't work. I was back to square one and would just have to sit
and wait for him to say something and now I regretted bringing Corey
because this could be a long afternoon.
As usual there was no answer when I rapped on the door, so once
again I walked in and sat down in the chair. David looked at me and then
turned his head away. There was nothing I could think of to say that would
help, so I just sat there, saying nothing. After about fifteen minutes he
turned to me.
"You don't give up, do you?"
"Not when I think it's worth it," I replied.
"Like I'm worth anything," he said. There was a bitterness in his
words that was almost shocking.
"Why don't you let me be the judge of that?" I asked.
Again he turned away and there was silence. This time the silence
lasted for about a half hour. I was starting to get antsy because of Corey
sitting in the Gator waiting and had almost decided to leave, take Corey
home, and come back later.
"What do you want from me?" he whined.
"It depends on what you mean by that. I only want to help. What
that turns out to be I don't know. It could be as little as telling me
enough so that Children's Services can figure out what to do with you.
Then again, it might involve more. At this point I don't know because I
haven't got enough information to go on," I answered. He still was facing
away so I was looking at the back of his head and had no way to read his
expression.
"What do you mean it might involve more?" he asked with a guarded
tone of voice.
"Well, I was going to invite you to go home with me and spend a
week or so with me and my boys. We're going fishing tomorrow and I thought
maybe you would enjoy being out of the hospital and might even enjoy going
on a fishing trip. I hoped that by being around me you might start to
trust me and be willing to tell me a little about yourself so that
Children's Services could help you."
"I seen how they help. They took my friend and his sister away and
they didn't get to see each other no more. They didn't help my brother and
he's dead." The anger in his voice made me cringe. "Why would they help a
cripple?" he spit out. "Why would anyone help a cripple? That's all I am,
a fucking cripple. A fucking fag cripple! Now leave me alone!" he
screamed. After that outburst he started to cry.
I couldn't decide what to do. Now I had some information, but I
also had a very upset boy and I wasn't sure how to handle him. I wanted to
hold him and try to tell him things would get better, but I wasn't sure
that was a good idea. Yet seeing him crying about broke my heart. Holding
him and trying to comfort him won out and I stood up and walked over and
put my hand on his shoulder. He flinched and rolled further away from me.
"David, please listen. I'm not going to hurt you and only want to
help you," I said in as soft a voice as I could while reaching out and
touching his shoulder again. This time he didn't pull away, but instead
turned towards me. I wanted to put my arms around him so badly it hurt,
but I couldn't come up with a good way to do that with him flat on the bed.
I tried anyway and slid one arm under his shoulders and the next thing I
knew there was a bunch of squirming on his part and suddenly I had a boy in
my arms and he was crying his heart out on my shoulder. Somehow he had
managed to get on his knees and was now just leaning against me crying.
All I could do was pat and rub his back, and hold him while I murmured all
those things that my parents had told me, like it would be all right and
things would get better. I was pretty sure he wasn't listening and I doubt
that he could hear me over his sobs anyway. After a while he developed the
hiccups to go along with his crying.
I don't know how long we were like that before he began to calm
down. I knew that my back was aching because I wasn't in the most
comfortable position I'd ever been in, but I didn't want to do anything to
relieve it until David was calmed down. Then I got an idea and just
clasped him a little tighter and straightened up and he was hanging in my
arms. The chair was only a couple of steps in back of me and I managed to
backup until I could feel it against my legs. I couldn't figure how to sit
down and get him on my lap, so that took some more thinking. In the end I
gave up and went back over to his bed, turned around and then sat on the
bed. Then I leaned back until I was flat on my back with David plastered
on my front and then squirmed around until we were both lying on the bed.
He was still on top of me and still crying, but at least my back didn't
feel like it was about to give out on me. All this time I had been patting
him and telling him it was going to get better.
He continued to cry and I continued to pat. I was so wrapped up in
what I was doing that when I noticed Nurse Karstan watching us I was
startled. She raised her eyebrow as if to ask if I needed anything, and
when I slightly shook my head she smiled and left.
David's crying slowly became softer, and then he gave a sigh, went
totally limp and was just a dead weight on me. He had cried himself to
sleep. I managed to get my arm up where I could check my watch and
discovered that I'd been in his room for over two hours. I wondered if
Corey was bored out of his mind.
As luck would have it, David wasn't centered on me and I could get
my hand on my cell phone. It was a little awkward, but I got it out of my
pocket and called Corey and told him he might as well come up to David's
room since we were probably going to be here for a while longer. A few
minutes later he walked into the room closely followed by Nurse Karstan.
We whispered back and forth until Nurse Karstan was convinced that I had
asked Corey to come and then she again left.
Corey and I whispered back and forth and finally Corey asked if
David was coming home with us. I told him I didn't know because he hadn't
answered yet, and I wasn't sure he understood that I was inviting him. It
was hard to hold much of a conversation while whispering, but I didn't want
to wake David until he had gotten at least a little rest. I was quite
confident that his crying had taken a lot out of him and I figured some
rest would be the best thing for him. Finally Corey grinned and whispered
that David had a cute ass. It was then that I realized that his hospital
gown had fallen open and David's ass was there for anyone to see if they
came into the room.
"No fair perving on him while he's asleep," I whispered.
Corey softly giggled, but he did carefully tie it back together.
David had me trapped on the bed and I was developing a serious
problem. My bladder was full and needed relief. Of course the more I
thought about it, the worse it got. Finally, I had no choice. It was
either get David off of me and tend to the problem, or we would both be
wet. Between the soup and coffee at lunch, I was out of room. I shouldn't
have worried because David never did a thing as I gently rolled him off me.
Once I was free, I took little bitty quick steps to the bathroom. My legs
were pinched so tightly together I was worried that I would wear the inside
of my pant legs out, and I could hear Corey giggling at me as I made my
somewhat strange looking dash. I had my fly open before I got to the door
and just barely made it to the toilet. Blessed relief soon followed.
Without David draped on top of me I was a lot cooler and more
comfortable. Between having to go to the bathroom and being trapped and
sweating I was glad to be out from under him. Corey and I continued to
whisper back and forth and discuss how we might convince him to come with
us. We even talked about where he might sleep until we got Kath's
furniture moved. The most logical place was with Kyle and Mark, but that
would depend on how he got along with them and if they were willing to
share their room. He could have either theirs, or JJ and LT's upper bed.
Neither Corey nor I thought JJ and LT would be very thrilled with having
him in their room, but we didn't know how any of them would get along.
As conversations will go, we talked about a lot of things. Finally
we got around to how he might fish and I was explaining that until he had a
prosthesis he wouldn't be able to do some things, but when he got one and
learned to use it there would be few things he couldn't do. Corey said he
didn't understand what I meant and I was trying to explain that while some
things would take some special gear, a lot of things were just a matter of
knowing how to do them one handed. I was right in the middle of explaining
about that when I happened to look over and saw David watching us.
"So, you're awake now," I said. "You never did say if you would
like to get out of here and maybe go home with me and Corey." Suddenly I
realized I hadn't introduced them. I'm sorry, David, I'd like you to meet
Corey, one of my sons. In fact my first son. Corey, meet David."
"Hi dude," Corey said and waved his hand at David. David was
looking back and forth between Corey and me.
"You don't look old enough to have a son that old," David said.
"You're right," I chuckled. "Corey and the other boys are foster
type sons. I don't actually foster Corey, but the other four I do. Not
for long though, soon the adoption papers will be filed and hopefully will
go through. Then they will be my sons, not just my foster sons," I said
with a big smile. Every time I thought of that I couldn't help but smile.
To have the boys legally mine made me happy because then no one could take
them away without good reasons. As it was, they could be moved without my
being able to do a thing about it, well all except Corey.
I could see David processing that information. He didn't say
anything for a while, and then said, "Nobody will adopt me."
"I don't know about that," I replied. "However, it's too early to
worry about that. First we need to get you someplace where you're
comfortable and then it will be time to take that subject up. In the
meantime how about spending a week or so at my place?"
"Yeah, come on Dude. We need help keeping the old man under
control," Corey said and started giggling.
"Old man, my ass. You better watch it, punk," I said. "I'll put
you on the pot scrubbing detail for the next six months if you're not
careful."
Corey giggled. The pot scrubbing detail was one of those things
I'd been threatening the boys with and they knew it was an empty threat. I
normally washed the pots and pans while they were picking up the dishes and
loading them in the dishwasher.
"You have to catch me first," Corey giggled.
"You'll come home for dinner. Besides, I'll sic Dog on you. He'll
drag your sorry ass home," I replied. For some reason I was in a silly
mood and so was Corey. Poor David didn't know quite what to make of us.
Maybe I was silly because I was so happy that David was talking
like a normal person. There were none of those long pauses when he looked
away and he was into the conversation. He'd asked me a question instead of
telling me to leave. I was giddy I was so happy.
Corey hadn't been exposed to the waiting game, but he picked up on
my mood and was playing right along. David was even grinning at some of
the things we were saying.
"It wasn't a sorry ass a couple of nights ago," Corey said. Then
he realized what he'd said and started blushing. He wasn't the only one
blushing. I had to be red as a fire engine judging by how hot my face
felt. David either didn't know what to make of that statement, or his mind
was on something else, because he totally passed it off as if it had never
occurred.
"Do you really want me to go home with you?" he asked, his voice
sounding very odd. It was like he was afraid to ask, but couldn't stop
himself, at least that's the impression I got.
"Yeah, you can meet the giggle boxes and the rest of us. You'll
have a blast," Corey answered him before I could say anything.
"Things are a little messed up right now, but you're more than
welcome," I added. "If you don't like it, we can bring you back here."
"Come on Dude, I'm hungry. The sooner you say yes, the sooner we
get out of here and find something to eat," Corey added to my statement.
I could see indecision on his face. He wanted to go with us, but
was still afraid. He kept looking at us, his eyes darting between us, and
finally I went up and took his hand.
"David, no one is going to hurt you or make fun of you, at least
not in a mean way. We tease each other all the time, but only to have fun,
never to hurt. Try it for a day or two. I promise that if you don't like
it, I'll bring you back here," I said, trying to convince him I meant it
and he could trust me.
Just as I was finishing speaking, Corey walked over and put his arm
around David's shoulder. "Come on," Corey said. "We've all been hurt, but
it's safe at Sam's house."
"But you won't like me when you know I'm a fag," David sobbed.
"David," I said softly, "I really hate the word fag. Please stop
using it. If you want to say you're gay, that's fine, but fag is an ugly
word and we don't use it."
"You mean you don't care that I'm queer?" David sniffled.
"Nope, we don't care," I answered him.
David looked up, although I'm not sure he could see much through
his tears. Still, he looked like he was searching our eyes to see if he
could discern the truth of what I had told him. I doubt that he saw
anything, but he leaned forward and rested his head against my chest.
"Are you willing to take a chance and go with us?" I asked. I
could feel his head nod against my chest.
"Corey, why don't you run down to the Gator and get the clothes we
brought. I doubt that David wants his backside exposed to everyone. Also,
if Nurse Karstan is at the desk would you ask her to come see me?"
Corey was out the door like he was shot. Maybe he was hungry, or
maybe he wanted to get David out of here before he changed his mind. My
money was on hungry since it had been just over four hours since he had
eaten.
She must have been there because I didn't even have time to try to
calm David down before she was in the room.
"I guess we need to check David out. Judy Smelling of Children's
Services said she was going to arrange it so I could take him home if he
wanted to go. Who do I have to see to get things going?" I asked.
"I'll get it started Mr. Lofton. It'll take a little while, but
administration should have most of it done. I'll get Dr. Bailey to stop in
and explain what care he needs and you can discuss future appointments with
him." With that she left.
It didn't take Corey long to return with the clothes. I wish I
could say that things went as quickly with the checkout, but they didn't.
First there was a long wait before Dr. Bailey showed up and then he had to
call Dr. Logan and talk with him. Then I got detailed instruction on how
to bandage David's stump. I'm not sure why because that was the reason for
talking to Dr. Logan, but Dr. Bailey seemed to feel it was necessary. When
that was finally taken care of, then we had to go to administration. By
now it was getting close to office closing time so I wasn't very popular,
but eventually I had signed enough papers to get us out of there. Of
course I had to then get the Gator and pull up to the entrance so they
could wheel David out of the hospital in a wheelchair. Perhaps the
wheelchair was a good idea because I piled most of the papers they handed
me on David's lap. For a while I didn't think he would be able to see over
the pile, but in the end it wasn't a problem.
Once David was in the Gator I think he went into some form of
shock. His head kept swiveling around and his hand kept rubbing the
leather interior, but he didn't say a word. Corey was chattering away,
filling him in on the other boys and the giggle boxes, and David had a
stunned look on his face. I dug out my cell phone and checked on when
dinner would be ready and discovered we had about thirty minutes to spare.
With that information I headed for the closest fast food outlet. Some
milkshakes would have to hold them until we got home.
Corey managed to talk me into getting four orders of fries to go
with the milkshakes. I was supposed to eat one order, but David and Corey
polished them off by the time we were halfway home. A couple miles further
and I could hear the slurping of straws in empty milkshake containers.
They slurped and slurped, trying for that last drop.
Things were a madhouse when I got home. Kath and Aunt Sandy were
busy cooking, the rest of the boys and about six neighborhood kids were
playing basketball, and the giggle boxes were terrorizing Dog much to his
enjoyment. Poor David looked overwhelmed by all the kids running around,
but Corey grabbed him and dragged him off to introduce him to everyone. I
stuck pretty close to make sure no one made him feel uncomfortable, but all
that was said was when Fred, Vern's son, asked him what had happened to his
hand and he told him the doctors had removed it because it got infected.
Fred's response to that was "Bummer," and that was the end of it. The boys
then went back to their game and David was left to watch. I strolled over
and suggested that we relax by sitting on the edge of the brick planter
alongside the driveway. Kevin, Kristen, and Dog were rolling around in the
front yard behind me, and the boys were playing basketball in front of me.
I could see David's head swiveling about trying to take in everyone.
"Don't worry," I said. "You'll get them all figured out in a day
or so." David didn't say anything and his head just kept going back and
forth like a little owl.
In a few minutes Aunt Sandy came out and yelled at everyone to get
ready for dinner and the neighborhood kids took off for home. Everyone
else charged the bathrooms to wash their hands, and soon we were ready to
eat.
My dinning table had room for a dozen, so the first problem was
what to do with one extra. We crowded things together and managed to fit
the thirteen of us around it, but at the rate things were going I was going
to have to get a bigger table. Aunt Sandy had fixed a meatloaf and while
different from mine, it was delicious, plus it was something that David
could handle without help. For a while all that went on was the rapid
motion of forks as the boys took the edge off their hunger, but soon they
started joining the adults in conversation. We were doing our usual
kidding back and forth and the giggle boxes were right in the thick of it.
I finally told Kevin that if he didn't shut up and eat I was going to throw
him to the sharks in the morning. Aunt Sandy said, "Thank God," and
everyone laughed. David flinched when I said that to Kevin, but after a
few seconds of everyone laughing and Kevin sticking his tongue out at me he
seemed to realize we were kidding each other. Still, he never said a word
the whole time we were eating. The most I got out of him was a nod or
shake of his head when I offered him more food. He nodded for meatloaf and
potatoes, and shook for corn and salad. By the time he finished his second
helping of meatloaf he was clearly stuffed. The time between bites became
longer and longer, and finally, with about two bites left, he gave up.
Mark was sitting next to him on the other side and asked if he was
finished. When he received a nod, Mark took his fork, speared first one
and then the other bite left on David's plate, and rewarded Dog for his
patience. Poor Dog had been trying to get a bite from Mark for a couple of
minutes. Once he got his bites, Dog moved on to the next person at the
table and tried again. David appeared fascinated at the way Dog carefully
took each bite offered him.
When we had all finished dinner I told the boys that there would be
a boy meeting in the family room as soon as the dishes were in the
dishwasher. I got a few groans, but they all started picking up the dirty
dishes. I must admit that they were moving much slower than they normally
did when putting the dishes on the table, but not a great deal slower than
their normal speed at removing them. The kitchen was finally cleaned up
and the boys made it to the family room. It was time for a little talk.
The talk would have gone much faster except that Kyle and Mark
almost came to blows, fighting with JJ and LT over who was going to have
David sleep in their rooms. Both pairs of boys wanted him, and David's
mouth was hanging open over them arguing over who would get him. It was
settled that he would spend the first night with Kyle and Mark and the
second night with JJ and LT. Neither David nor I managed to say anything
about it until they finished their discussion. When they finally shut up,
I asked them if perhaps they shouldn't have asked David what he would like
to do and they immediately started the whole thing all over again except
this time they were busy trying to sell David on the merits of themselves
and of course he had no ideas about any of them. When they finally quit
talking long enough for me to say something, I looked at JJ and LT and
asked if they were sure they wanted someone else in the room. Both boys
looked blank, and then started to blush. They exchanged a few looks and
then turned to David and told him that yes, they still wanted him in their
room with them.
Then we had to raid Corey's clothes supply. While David was
slightly taller, Corey was now filled out better, but he was still it was
about the closest match among all the boys for size. The only thing was,
Corey's shoes were too big. That was resolved by grabbing a couple pairs
of JJ's. Before it was over I was conned into taking everyone clothes
shopping Monday. Then it was time to get the fishing trip organized.
Kath decided she wanted to stay home and rest. I think she just
wanted a chance to finish painting the trim in her house, but I decided not
to make an issue of it. We'd just gotten that settled when Judy showed up
with Andrea and a bunch of papers for me. David tried to hide behind me
when Judy walked in, but with little success. She immediately cornered
him, told him she hoped he enjoyed himself at my house and told him she
would see him in a week or so. I then sent the boys out to help Andrea
bring her things in and took Judy to the office so I could sign all the
papers for her.
"How's he doing Sam?" Judy asked.
"I think he's a little overwhelmed," I snickered. "His mouth was
hanging open when the boys were fighting over which bunch of them got to
have him sleep in their room."
"Have you learned anything more about him?"
"Yeah, he says he's gay, or rather he says he's a fag. Me thinks
that someone has been telling him how awful that is and it will probably
take some time to convince him that it isn't the end of the world to be
gay." By the way, I had an interesting talk with my attorney. He said
half the countryside knows I'm gay, but was too polite to mention it."
"What?" Judy said with her mouth dropping open. She sputtered a
bit before continuing, "I never heard that. You have to believe me on
that."
"Oh I believe you. I found it somewhat unsettling to learn that a
whole bunch of people knew and I didn't know it. That shocked the hell out
of me. Anyhow, you might want to straighten up your records so you don't
get in trouble if anyone starts snooping."
Judy was almost speechless. She sat there with a blank expression
on her face and finally took the now signed papers and left without going
through most of her usual spiel about keeping receipts and all that stuff.
She still looked in a daze as she gathered up Kath and headed back for my
office to get Andrea's papers signed. Since it only took her a couple of
minutes, I had to think that Kath didn't get the usual speech either. In
fact, Kath looked puzzled when they came out and was eyeing Judy as though
she couldn't understand what was going on. Judy looked like her mind was
miles away when she gave me a perfunctory goodnight and left. Kath looked
at me for an explanation and I just shrugged. There wasn't all that much
to say so I didn't bother to say anything.
I walked back into the family room just in time to hear Kevin
asking David about his missing hand. David was facing away from me and I
decided to see how he handled it. I thought he did well at explaining. He
told Kevin that his wrist had gotten broken and then infected. He told
Kevin that the doctors had to cut his hand off to save his life. David
looked sad when he was telling it, but he didn't start crying and Kevin
said he would help him fish. Now that ought to be something, a one handed
fisherman helped by Kevin. I couldn't wait to see that. I wasn't sure
that Kevin could help anyone no matter how hard he tried, but his heart was
in the right place and David seemed to be a little more comfortable talking
to the giggle boxes than the other boys. I walked on in to the family
room.
"David, could I talk with you for a while?"
David looked like he thought I was going to whip him, but he
followed me to the living room and even sat down when I pointed to a chair.
About then Uncle Matt and Aunt Sandy wandered in, but I paid no attention
to them.
"Sorry to drag you away from the rest of the kids, but we need to
talk for a few minutes. I don't have any fishing gear for a one-handed
fisherman, so I guess tomorrow you'll have to watch. We'll quit a little
early and stop at the sporting goods store on the way home and order
something you can use, but tomorrow you'll just have watch and get
acquainted with us."
"Sam, have you really looked at all your gear?" Uncle Matt asked.
"Quite a few spinning reels can be switched to left-handed and we might be
able to rig up something to help hold the rod."
I hadn't thought of that. I knew that some companies built
products for left-handed people, and that some built products for
handicapped people, but I had never considered that perhaps we could rig up
something that would work enough to get by.
"No I haven't. Come on, let's take a look," I answered. "Come on
David, we'll see what we can find."
We started at the back of the pickup where all the fishing gear was
now stowed in preparation for our fishing trip. Uncle Matt looked over the
reels and grabbed a Shimano, one of several I'd bought, and said it looked
like the handle could be switched to the other side. When I looked at it I
saw he was right, so off to the shop we went to get started on that. Aunt
Sandy tagged along and when we had the handle changed, then there was the
question of how David could hold the rod and work the reel with only one
hand. I suggested that perhaps we could get some ideas off the Internet so
back to the house and into the office we went. It didn't take long until
we had a couple of ideas of what might work. Back to the shop where Uncle
Matt and I looked over the small amount of stuff I had stored.
Uncle Matt was pretty clever. He took a piece of a sink trap, some
Boy Scout web belts, a little of this and a little of that and the next
thing I knew he had rigged up a device that strapped to David's leg and
stuck up and held the rod.
By now David had lost that scared look and was starting to get
interested in the project. While all this was going on I'd been talking to
him, asking if he'd ever been fishing and did he know anything about it.
Somehow I wasn't surprised that he'd never been fishing. I even got a
little extra information and learned that he hadn't done many things that
most boys do with their fathers. I didn't get any information about his
family, but that could wait until he was more comfortable with me.
Aunt Sandy left to put the giggle boxes to bed and Uncle Matt and I
continued to work on our project. It was the darndest Rube Goldberg setup
I'd ever seen. It had a bunch of straps, loads of duct tape, and about
every thing else in the shop attached to it by the time Uncle Matt was
finished. The strange thing was that it looked like it might work. Then
we had to rig a small screw on the butt of the rod so that when it was in
the socket, made out of the sink trap, the rod wouldn't twist. Uncle Matt
was really getting into the project.
Once it was all put together, Uncle Matt decided that David needed
to learn how to work it, so he strapped it on him and handed him the
fishing rod. We walked out into the back yard and turned on the lights,
which didn't really light things up very well, but did help.
Uncle Matt then proceeded to start teaching David how to work the
reel and to cast. David was pretty clumsy at it, but after a few attempts
he managed to get the line to sail out a ways, just never where he was
aiming. Once he completed his cast, then he would stick the butt of the
rod into the thingy, for lack of a better term. Since the rod stuck out of
the holder at about a forty-five degree angle when David's leg was straight
up and down, by rocking forward and back, with his legs stretched out as
though walking, he could change the angle of the rod, in effect acting like
he was pumping it to fight a fish. It looked similar to a device called
the "StrikeFighter", which Uncle Matt had seen on the Internet when we were
looking, and worked about the same. I must admit though, the Strike
Fighter was a much better looking piece of equipment. Still, we didn't
have one and Uncle Matt did the best he could with what was available. He
did a lot better than I could have done at fabricating something out of
what was in my shop.
By now it was late so we headed back to the house. Aunt Sandy and
Kath were finishing up a batch of potato salad and they had some cans of
beans set out for tomorrow's lunch. There were also wieners, marshmallows,
hamburger patties, and buns sitting there, so I got out the ice and put in
the cooler and loaded it aboard the pickup. It didn't take long and we had
everything loaded and were headed for bed. Kyle and Mark grabbed David and
that was the last I saw of him until I was making my nightly rounds to
check on the boys. David was in the top bed of the bunk beds, and Kyle and
Mark were in the lower. I kissed Kyle and Mark as usual, and then managed
to kiss David's forehead like I had the others. Wishing them goodnight, it
was off to JJ and LT's room where I repeated the whole thing again. It did
seem strange not to have Dog on their bed, but I'd get to say goodnight to
Dog when I made it to my room. He refused to let the giggle boxes sleep
without him. He did thump the bed with his tail as I told him goodnight
and got into bed. Soon I had Kevin snuggled up to me and I drifted off to
sleep. My last thought was I hadn't even had a chance to inquire if Uncle
Matt and Aunt Sandy had seen any property they liked.
Morning was a mad scramble to get everyone ready and fed. The
giggle boxes wanted to sleep, along with most of the boys. Then Andrea
said she didn't feel like going and while I'm not the smartest person in
the world, it didn't take me long to figure out that it was the wrong time
of the month for her. I suppose the knowing looks between Kath, Aunt
Sandy, and Andrea had something to do with my deductions. Still, we
eventually got all those who were going ready and in the vehicles, and off
we went. David was very quiet, but at least he appeared awake. I wasn't
sure I could say that about Kyle. While Kyle's eyes were open, there was
no sign of intelligence in them and his movements were more zombie-like
than normal. His longest response had been a more pronounced grunt than
normal.
Once again we were the only ones at Two Lakes and the boys finally
seemed to wake up. Kyle even said a word or two as he headed off to fish
with Danny and Mark. JJ and LT said they were going to walk up the road
and try the upper lake and that left the rest of us to fish the lower lake.
Aunt Sandy and Corey agreed to help the giggle boxes, along with Uncle
Matt, so that left me to work with David. I picked out a spot not far from
where we were parked and started in.
First I explained what he should do and how to do it. Then I
rigged a lure on his line and encouraged him. After that I spent some time
trying to get him to quit trying so hard. I finally had to stop him and
demonstrate, making sure to do it in somewhat slow motion so he could see
he didn't have to swing the rod very hard. An hour of work and he finally
made a pretty decent cast. Three casts later he had a strike, but missed
setting the hook. I kept encouraging him and about every other cast he
would get a strike, but he wasn't managing to hook any fish. A little over
two hours into the fishing and it finally happened. He hooked one. Sadly,
it was only about six inches long, but at least it was a fish. I did snap
a couple of pictures before we released it.
A couple of more missed strikes and he hooked another. This time
there was no argument that it would be a keeper, that is if he managed to
land it. He did get it close to the bank, but he didn't keep the line
tight and it got away. After it escaped I told him to take five and I
walked back to the pickup and got him a bottle of pop and a cup of coffee
for myself.
The giggle boxes had seven fish and Corey another two. Uncle Matt
and Aunt Sandy were getting ready to try their luck so Corey and the giggle
boxes walked back up the lake with me. I didn't need any help, but I
couldn't figure out how to get out of taking them with me. Corey snagged a
bag of chips to take with us, so for a few minutes they all ate chips and
drank their pop.
When all that was left were empty pop cans, it was time to try
again. Another missed strike, and then David hooked another fish. This
time he had better luck and managed to get a nice fourteen incher close
enough for me to net it. For the first time I saw a real smile on his
face.
After a couple more pictures David said he was tired. There was an
old root wad close to where we were, and it had a place where a large root
stuck out. I suggested he could sit on the root and lean back and rest a
little and when I looked over, he had dozed off. In the meantime Corey and
I were doing pretty well at catching fish while the giggle boxes built sand
castles not far from David. Dog lay down between David and the giggle
boxes and watched, after having a big drink of lake water.
I wasn't paying much attention to the time and pretty soon Kevin
started complaining he was hungry. Of course Kristin joined right in, and
then Corey. When I looked at my watch, it was late enough to eat, so back
to the vehicles we went to get the screen and cooler. David looked much
more relaxed than he had earlier, but he still seemed tired.
It didn't take long to get a fire started and while it was burning
down to good cooking coals, the giggle boxes burned up part of a package or
marshmallow. They even managed to eat a couple of them, but most fell in
the fire. Uncle Matt drove the Gator up to the upper lake to see how JJ
and LT were doing and I cleaned fish. By the time I had enough cleaned for
lunch, Uncle Matt was back with JJ and LT. Of all of us, they had done the
best. JJ was landing his last fish as Uncle Matt drove up, and both boys
were then limited out. I started cooking while the Uncle Matt helped the
others clean the rest of the trout.
David looked a little skeptical when I placed a trout on his plate
and then removed the skin and bones. I could see him eyeing the burgers
the giggle boxes were eating, but after a few bites of trout he quit
looking at burgers and attacked his trout. The giggle boxes only ate part
of their burgers and dog got the rest, but they also ate part of the trout
I had divided between their plates. Dog got the rest of that also. In
fact, Dog was pretty well stuffed by the time lunch was over.
After a half hour of lazing around and letting lunch settle, it was
back to fishing. David landed another trout, this time a nice sixteen
incher, and soon the rest of the limits were filled except for Kristin and
Kevin. They were tired of fishing and wanted to go home, and David looked
exhausted. So we put out the fire, raked the coals around, and picked up
our garbage. When everything was loaded in the back of the pickup we
headed home.
David dozed off on the way home, so I didn't bother to stop at the
sporting goods store. I didn't think he was up to it and he looked so
peaceful leaning against Mark, who was in the middle of the back seat.
This time the giggle boxes had decided to ride with their parents so I had
Corey in front and Kyle, Mark, and David in back. It was a lazy trip home
and we chatted quietly about how fishing had gone. Mark was getting much
better at casting and hadn't hooked anyone, and he and his brother had
caught some of the bigger fish this trip. Danny hadn't happened to catch
any big ones, but he was the first of the three to limit. All in all, it
was a good fishing trip.
I was right and Kath had finished painting the trim. She looked
tired and was again limping so I decided that we should eat out. The boys
decided we hadn't had ribs for a while so Old Texas Ribs got the nod.
While we were sitting around before leaving I finally remembered to ask
about the property.
Uncle Matt and Aunt Sandy hadn't seen anything they liked, and John
had no idea where the property Corey had mentioned was. We hadn't been
specific enough so that Uncle Matt could tell him where it was. All he
remembered was that it was someplace off the power line road. I thought
about that for a couple of minutes and decided to call Vern and see if he
knew anything about it.
Vern knew right where I was talking about and said it was the old
Beeler homestead. When he found out why I was interested, he even supplied
me with a phone number for one of the Beeler sons who had grown up on it.
I also learned that Ralph Beeler, the name of the son, was the last
surviving son and was in his seventies. The phone number was a Palm
Springs number and according to Vern, Ralph had retired there some years
back. Vern had no idea how many acres were included, but told me to give
Ralph a call and be sure to tell him hello from Vern. Vern did add the
information that he and Ralph had worked together when Vern first got out
of high school.
When I reported all that to Uncle Matt, we decided to make the
call. So I called and Mr. Beeler didn't sound very thrilled with the idea
of selling, but we had a nice visit anyway. I told him all about what Vern
and his family were doing and about events in the community since he had
left. It was a nice visit and he said he would think about it and get back
to us. I did learn that it was still the original size, a quarter section
or one hundred sixty acres. Mr. Beeler told me his great grandfather had
been the one to file the claim and it had been in the family ever since.
All in all he sounded like a nice man even if he wouldn't sell the
property, and we had a good visit and I learned some things about how it
used to be when he was young and living in the area.
By then it was time to go eat, so we loaded everyone up and went
and had our ribs. David managed to hold his own with the ribs, but his
face looked like he had been in a fight and lost from all he barbecue sauce
smeared all over it. I noticed he was doing better at eating and was
starting to catch up with my boys on quantity. The giggle boxes only ate
part of their children's plates, so it looked like Dog would have plenty of
leftovers. When we got home Kath brought up the subject of moving her
things into her house. That brought groans from the boys, but the rest of
us thought that was a good idea. The fact that Uncle Matt and Aunt Sandy
would be here to help would make a big difference.
Boys took off to do whatever it was they wanted to do. Actually,
that was mostly veg in front of the tube, but they were looking a little
tired and they needed some down time. I got David aside and asked him if
he had enjoyed the day, but only got a rather noncommittal answer. It was
like he was waiting for something bad to happen and was afraid to enjoy
himself. At least he didn't appear to dislike the way the day had gone so
I figured I would let him adapt at his own pace, at least for a while. I
knew that somewhere around the middle of the week I would need at least a
few answers so we could start to get his schooling straightened out, but
for now he looked relieved when I didn't press him for any information and
he soon joined the boys in watching the tube.
I could only shake my head when Corey started nuking some popcorn.
We adults were all sitting at the dinning room table and he walked right
past us and got out five bags and popped them one after another. When I
thought about it, five bags for ten kids and Dog seemed about right. All I
could think was that when the giggle boxes hit the boy's ages, it would
take a couple more bags, but they still were on the picky side when it came
to eating. At least Dog enjoyed having them because he got what they
couldn't or wouldn't eat.
We were sitting there relaxing and drinking coffee when the phone
rang. When I answered it was Ralph. He explained that he had called and
talked with Vern and wanted to know how serious we were about acquiring his
property. That meant that I had to explain that the only ones who had seen
it were the boys and while Uncle Matt might become very serious about it,
until he saw it he wasn't willing to commit himself.
That wasn't good enough for Ralph and he wanted an answer right
then. I thought about it for a few seconds and asked him what he would
sell it for, cash in fist. Now the shoe was on the other foot as it were,
and Ralph hemmed and hawed for a while without giving me a price. Finally
Ralph decided he needed time to think about it, but said he would call
within a couple of days and give us a price.
I'd had the conversation on speakerphone and when I looked up
everyone was standing around listening. I have no idea why the boys
thought they needed to know what was going on, but there they stood, taking
it all in. Andrea was even standing there. The only one missing was Dog.
I called Vern. We needed more information about the property and I
hoped he knew a little. Property went for such wide ranges of prices that
there was no way was I going to commit Uncle Matt or myself without a
little more knowledge .
Nancy answered and told me Vern expected me to call. Then she
explained that after Vern had talked with Ralph he'd told her we would be
the next to call. We chatted a couple of minutes and he said he would come
over and we could discuss it in person. Sure enough, a few minutes later
he knocked on the door.
Uncle Matt and Aunt Sandy knew Vern quite well, so we sat around
drinking coffee while he filled us in on what he knew about the property
which was quite a lot. He described the property as having some
second-growth timber on it and several nice building sites. There was a
small stream which ran through it and the power lines were close enough to
obtain service as long as any construction was near the old home. There
were no sewer or water services available, but there was a well, which had
supplied water in the past, and other homes in the general area had not had
any problems with soil percolation tests so that meant there was a good
chance of getting permits to put in a septic system.
When Vern started talking about Ralph his manner changed. Vern
suddenly seemed more guarded than normal, which surprised me. While Vern
was willing to say some things about Ralph, it was clear that there were
things he wasn't telling. They had been good friends even though they
hadn't seen each other for several years according to Vern, and I was
surprised with his reticence on telling me much about Ralph. We continued
visiting and after a while Aunt Sandy left to put the giggle boxes to bed.
I heard them demanding that Corey read to them and quit worrying about it
when he said yes.
As the conversation went along, I started to get a better picture
of Ralph and things quickly fell into place.
"Ralph's gay, isn't he?" I asked Vern.
Vern nodded, and then said, "I hope that doesn't make any
difference?"
"Why should it, I'm gay," I replied. This last year had changed my
opinion of myself. For years I had thought I was bisexual, but I had
finally realized that wasn't true. Yes, I had experienced sex with a
woman, specifically Sarah, but when I finally was honest with myself, I was
forced to conclude that women, no matter how nice, really didn't turn me
on. It had been a long slow path to where I was willing to be totally
honest with myself, and when I was, that was the result. The fact that
even a few weeks ago I would not have admitted to such a thing was the big
difference now, and talking with Russ after the trial had made me
understand myself better.
Vern got a big smile on his face. "Thanks Sam. Thanks for
trusting me enough to tell me."
"I know I should have said something sooner, but I just couldn't.
I didn't even understand myself well enough to know," I replied. "You're
the second person, outside of family, that I've told."
Vern chuckled. "I sort of suspected, but was never sure. In a lot
of ways you're much like Ralph. I'm one of maybe a couple dozen people he
ever came out to, and I could see it was a difficult thing for him to do.
Strange how society shapes our attitudes to where people feel that way, but
I can understand it. There's so much hatred on the part of some people
that I'm not sure I would want to admit to such a thing if I were gay."
I happened to notice Uncle Matt about then and he was grinning.
When he saw I was looking at him he said, "My little Sammy's growing up."
Then he sat back and continued smiling.
"What do you mean your little Sammy?" I asked while grinning at
him. "You're not that much older than I am."
Uncle Matt's expression changed. "When you were just past fourteen
your mom and dad had a talk with me. They knew one of my friends was gay
and wondered if I'd watch out for you."
There is a saying about pushing someone over with a feather.
Believe me, it wouldn't have taken a feather to push me over; a light
breath of air would have been more than sufficient. I was stunned. I
could feel my mouth opening and closing as though I was trying to say
something, but not a sound came out while Aunt Sandy, who'd rejoined us,
started pointing at me and giggling.
"In all the time I've known you," she giggled, "I've never seen you
totally speechless."
She had the speechless part right. The reason no sound was coming
out was I couldn't think of anything say and I have no idea why my mouth
kept opening and closing. Finally, my mind got in touch with my vocal
cords.
"Th—the––they knew?" I stammered.
"Let's just say they strongly suspected," Uncle Matt answered.
"Why—why didn't they say something?" I asked.
"Because you never said anything," Uncle Matt answered. "Your dad
said you'd tell him when you felt comfortable doing so, and that he could
wait."
My whole world had just turned upside down. While I had always
known I had great parents and that they loved me, now I understood just how
much more they loved me than I had realized. They loved me so much they
were willing to wait and keep their questions to themselves just so I could
become confident enough to talk with them. They gave me room to discover
myself and never put any pressure on me.
Uncle Matt and Aunt Sandy were once again talking with Vern about
Ralph's property, but I wasn't listening. My mind was awhirl with so many
thoughts that I was almost dizzy. Yet one thing kept coming through loud
and clear. I hadn't wanted to be gay and I had hid it from myself.
Intellectually, I knew that being gay was something I could do nothing
about, but that didn't mean my subconscious felt the same way. It had
tried to calm my fears by telling me I was bisexual when I wasn't.
Certainly there were many reasons not to be gay, but I was having little
luck trying to understand why I feared it so. I might have gone on like
that forever except Kyle and Corey walked past to get some pop. The sight
of them allowed some thoughts to tumble into the right place and suddenly I
understood what it was that I had feared and why I didn't want to be gay.
Understanding it liberated me in a way that nothing had ever done before.
The answer was so simple that it had escaped my attention. I had wanted a
family. It was as simple as that. In the back of my mind being gay meant
not having children, and that was why I feared it.
Now I understood why I had been much happier this year even with
all the bad things that had happened. First there had been finding Corey,
and then the rest of the boys came along and suddenly I had the things I
wanted most in life. I had a job I loved and now I had a family. Granted
it was kind of a strange family since all the boys were so close together
in age, but I now looked upon them as my children and worried about them
and tried to help them. I sat there thinking how great it was to have a
family while Vern and Uncle Matt discussed how much Ralph's property might
be worth. I heard their words, but inside I was thinking how fortunate I
was in the way things had worked out.
"Why the grin?" Aunt Sandy asked.
It took a few seconds for her words to penetrate, but when they did
I answered, "I'm just thinking about how lucky I am."
"I think there's more to it than that," Uncle Matt said.
"No, not really," I replied. "I've got everything anyone could
want. I've got good friends, a family, and a job I enjoy. What more does
anyone need?"
I knew I was right on that. While some people thought they needed
many things, only a few things are important in life and I had them all. I
had my own little bunch for an immediate family, and my extended family
such as Uncle Matt, Aunt Sandy, and so on, along with some cousins who
lived in another part of the country. Even though I didn't see my cousins
often, they helped give me roots and a sense of belonging.
Then there were all the friends I had. I sometimes wondered why so
many people were willing to be friends with me, yet through the years I'd
made many friends and while lots of them had gone on to other areas and I
no longer saw them, still I knew that I could call on them if necessary.
Just as I would try to help them should they need it, I was sure they would
try to help me in similar circumstances
Lastly there was my job, and I loved it. I was working with kids
whose world was opening up as they grew, and they were a delight to work
with. There were a few I wasn't successful with, but most of them seemed
to respond. I had them at that age when I could make a big difference in
their lives, and when I thought I'd made some progress in helping them grow
and understand the world, it put me on a high that I could experience no
other way.
The only way things could have been better was if I could tell Mom
and Dad how much I loved them and how grateful I was to them for all they
had done for me. Still, tonight had shown me that they loved me more than
I had realized, and I hoped the many times I'd told them the same had let
them know I loved them.
Uncle Matt and Vern came to an agreement. Vern was going to show
us the layout of Ralph's property, as best he could remember, after lunch
tomorrow. He said he could come pretty close to pointing out where the
property lines were, and Uncle Matt thought that would be sufficient to
make a tentative decision on should he continue trying to buy it.
Then the question of price came up again. I mentioned I'd given
right at twenty-five thousand an acre, but that the price couldn't be
compared as there was access to all the utilities on what I'd bought. Vern
mentioned he'd heard of undeveloped property going in the two to three
thousand dollar an acre range, and thought Ralph's property should fall in
that range.
Automatically my mind rolled the numbers around. One hundred sixty
acres at three thousand dollars an acre was just shy of half a million
bucks. Actually it was twenty thousand dollars shy, but when talking in
those numbers I wasn't going to quibble over a few thousand.
"That's almost a half a million dollars," I blurted out.
Uncle Matt just looked at me. "So," he said.
"But that's a lot of money," I answered.
Uncle Matt started laughing. "Sammy, I'm not Scrooge McDuck. I
don't have a vault full of money and swim in it. What's the use of having
it if you don't spend it on the things you want?"
I realized how silly I'd sounded. Uncle Matt had more than I did,
and I could easily afford that property if I wanted it.
"Sorry," I said while blushing. "Mom and Dad tried to teach me not
to throw money around and I guess the lesson took too well."
"Speaking of money, what are you going to do about the Scouts
summer camp?" Vern asked.
I knew exactly what he was talking about. I'd been donating to the
troop so all the boys could afford to go to camp.
"Well, believe it or not I have thought about it. I know there are
some things we disagree on with their policies, but I don't think taking it
out on the kids is the way to go. I was going to donate as usual.
Vern grinned. "That's what I decided. While the Scouts need to
change a few things, the kids shouldn't get hurt because of it. I'll find
out how much they think they need and let you know."
A little more conversation and Vern headed home. It was getting
late and we headed off to bed. Kath had been down surveying her house, and
I wasn't about to go get her. I was quite confident I would hear all her
plans as we moved furniture tomorrow. I'd no more than slipped into bed
when I heard the patio door open, telling me she had given up for the
night. It had been a long day and I was ready for some sleep. Yet sleep
wouldn't come. Instead I lay there thinking about how in one short week I
had been forced to look at myself and my place in the world, and come to a
better understanding of it. The fear I'd felt about having people learn of
my sexuality had been, for the most part, ill founded. I knew that not all
people would be so accepting or understanding, but nothing in life is
perfect. Then there was the somewhat strange feeling of liberation which I
now felt. Sure, there would be problems ahead, but all people face
problems in their lives at one time or another. As I lay there trying to
go to sleep, I realized that even though Rev. Langston had created many
problems for me, he had also been responsible for helping me to see myself
as I truly was. That just proved that old saying about every cloud having
a silver lining if only a person takes the time to search for it. Always
before I had been unwilling to face certain things because of the
consequences they would bring. Now I knew that in order to go forward with
life, a person has to face his problems and come to terms with them. I had
been guilty of burying mine and not being willing to face them. It had
been apparent for years that I wanted kids. I had only to look at the way
I felt about Kevin and Kristen, and how I had wanted to teach kids since
the time I started thinking about what to do with my life to understand
that. That meant that in the back of my mind I was unwilling to admit to
being gay because I was unwilling to give up the dream of kids. Instead I
had lied to myself about being bisexual rather than gay because it held out
hope of someday finding the right woman and having a family. I now had a
lot more sympathy for gay people who married.
Other thoughts drifted across my mind, like how many gays end up
marrying a person of the other sex simply to have a family and to escape
the stigma associated with being gay. I had no way of knowing, and even if
there were surveys on the subject, I wouldn't believe them. I had too many
reasons, in my own experience, to think that everyone would be honest in
answering questions for such a survey. My answers wouldn't have been
factual just a few days ago, and I saw no reason to think I was unique in
any way. While I would not have lied on such a survey, the fact that I had
been unwilling to face the truth about myself would have produced an answer
that was still not accurate even though I believed it at the time.
Gays are caught in a no win situation in many parts of the world.
The laws and attitudes work to deprive them of some things which people
want such as all the rights afforded to heterosexuals. As I thought about
all this, I wondered if some of the behavior, which many people find
offensive, of the gay community is not in fact the result of the way
society treats the gay community. By not allowing gays to marry or adopt,
they might be subtly encouraging gays to act in a different manner. Then
they could stand and point to those differences and say, see, that is why
you are unworthy. People's expectations have a great influence on how we
view ourselves and see our place in the world. If people keep saying you
are dumb long enough, you start to believe it and quit trying. Instead of
running people down, we should encourage everyone to do the best they can.
Maybe if we all did that, the world would be a better place.
For all that I loved the giggle boxes, I wished I could just hold
Corey tonight. I still didn't understand why I had fallen in love with
him, but whatever the reasons, that love had gotten stronger every day.
Now I was thinking years into the future and how great it would be to have
Corey at my side. I snickered to myself while thinking about how nice it
would be when we were both old and could sit on the porch in our rocking
chairs and watch the sunset. That was such a silly image to think of
because I never enjoyed rocking chairs. Yet I had this image of old
couples, sitting on a porch and rocking away the rest of their lives, just
enjoying each other's company. Maybe if I eliminated the rocking chairs
Corey and I could still enjoy each other's company when we were old. I
liked that image better and drifted off to sleep.
To be continued...