Date: Thu, 08 Apr 2010 01:03:57 -0400
From: polevaulter973@aol.com
Subject: In My Heart- Part 3

      As I was stepping outside the house I had a sudden rush of
butterflies, an airiness in my stomach. It scared me, made me nervous, and
made me smile and frown at the same time. I was afraid that'd I would say
the wrong thing and he'd never want to speak to me ever or what if...I
don't know! My thoughts were a muddle and I was clumsier than I've ever
been- the things Camille does to me and he doesn't even know. I stumbled to
the car and my heart raced as I lifted the door handle, and I let out a
deep breath before I pulled it open. I didn't look at him; I had to avoid
looking at him even though I was overly confused about his intentions.

      The whole ride to the coffee shop was silent and had a faint
uneasiness to it. I tapped on the steering wheel not knowing if I should
speak or not, I mean I did need to know what he wanted to order exactly.

      "Uhm so uhh Ca-Camille do you just want a hot chocolate or do you
want a I don't know, something with it?" I asked him and I stole a single
glance at him but then looked straight forward again. Ugh, I couldn't
endure the knot in my stomach, turning and cramping by the minute.

      "Yeah that's all." Yeah, that was all he wanted, why did I bother
asking, ugh common sense.

      "Alright I'll be right back," I said fumbling with my seatbelt.

      While waiting in the store the knot in my stomach constricted, my
heart was beating so rapidly it ached, yet I couldn't take the smile off my
face. A pleasant smile, present because somewhere in my heart I felt as if
I was getting a chance, and with that chance I would try my best to make
everything better.

      After getting the two hot chocolates I walked slowly back to the car;
our friendship, or what was left of it, were in these two sweet drinks and
if they fell then we'd fall apart completely. I made it to the car without
spilling a drop and opened my door.

      "Here you go," I spoke nervously, handing him his drink. "Do you uhh
want to go home? Or...uh yeah? I asked him unsure of where he wanted to go,
or even what he wanted to do. I was frustrated and a little angered; I wish
he would just come out with whatever he was.

      "Home? It's a bit late out, don't you think..." I heard the slight
sarcasm in his voice and Camille was naturally sarcastic. I turned away
from him so he wouldn't see me smiling like moron. It was just that him
being sarcastic gave me some reassurance and eased the knot in me and I let
out another deep breath.

      I drove the car back to our place. Our place...that thought gave me a
warm feeling in my stomach and vanquished quickly after I realized that
it'll never be that way. I parked in front my house and turned the car off
and laid my head back and sighed. I waited anxiously for him to say
something. I heard him let out a small sigh and then a sniffle. I turned my
slightly to see what was wrong but his head was looking out the window into
the cold night.

      "Camille?" I asked tentatively.

      He turned his head slightly but I still couldn't see his beautiful
eyes.

      "I'm scared Guy. I...I'm afraid of what my mom is going to do or say
or I don't know, when I tell her that I'm head over heels in love with a
guy.

      Those last words `in love' and `guy' struck my heart with a pain that
was so odd it left me dumbstruck. It was a pain that within it existed hope
and a warm happiness. My heart was beating so fast, I thought my hands
would be shaking soon. But they were still, a tight grip around the
wheel. I wasn't an ignoramus, I knew that Camille was gay and I knew that
he liked me, at least he use to and that was what disheartened my
feelings. It's been almost two years, that's enough time to find some lucky
guy who could win his heart. Why would he like me? I was eight years older
than he was, of course he'd want someone younger than I was. What was I
thinking anyway, a sixteen-year old?