Date: Sun, 18 Apr 2010 22:52:07 -0400
From: polevaulter973@aol.com
Subject: In My Heart-Part 4

      "Guy? Please say something...please?" I heard the nervousness in his
voice. He was desperate for some type of solace and I wanted to give him
that, but my mind was running wild trying to imagine who could have claimed
his heart.

      "Who is the guy?" I glanced at him. Surprised at myself for even
having the guts to ask him that. My heart was pounding as I waited for his
answer. I was praying that it was me; I mean I had to have a chance. There
had to be something behind the way he use to look at me when we were just
about best friends, the way he would stare at me, smiling with affection,
after we laughed from some lame joke. And the way he stopped talking to me
after I flirted with some girl in front of him. That was a stupid mistake
that I regretted; I was so immature sometimes for a twenty-four year old.

      "Are you really asking me this? You honestly don't know?" he asked
with curiosity in his beautifully green eyes.

      "No? Well...no, no I have no idea." I turned towards him
completely. I really wanted to know the truth; maybe I did have a
chance. Camille and I have amazing memories, a friendship that was special;
there could have been something behind it.

      It seems that I always seem to lose reality when my mind is racing
because I didn't notice him. I didn't see him undoing his seatbelt, putting
down his hot chocolate, and leaning towards me. But when I did realize his
face was the smallest amount away from me. I flinched and moved away and
stared into his eyes. Those eyes. He looked as if someone had stolen
something dear from him. He looked hurt and in pain.

      "Camille, wait, wait. I did--!" I frantically tried to form a
sentence as he was opening the door of the car.

      "Look, its fine, really. But, I'm going to go inside, I'm really
tired." He spoke softly and with uneven tones as he tried to steady his
voice.

      I sat in the car, the sound of the car door shutting, echoing in my
head along with his words. My heart still racing from when Camille's lips
we're so close from mine, if I would of just leaned forward a little I
could've kissed those beautiful lips and been the happiest guy in the damn
world. Ugh, what should I do what should I do? And then I smiled, and laid
my head back against the seat. It's me, it's me it's me. Camille is in love
with me! Ha-ha.

      I got out of the car and decided that I would talk to him. My heart
was beating faster than usual but I'd live. I walked into the house and
walked over to his door. I knocked lightly before pushing the door open.

      "Camille?" I called, as my eyes landed on him, lying down on his bed,
staring up at the ceiling. He had changed into a white-t and
sweatpants. And I couldn't help but stare at his body. Goodness, he must've
been working out. His chest wasn't flat like it used to be. And with his
arms flexed behind his head I could see they were getting toned.  Anyway,
back to my point.

      "Camille what happened in the car..." I tried to explain, taking a
spot on his bed next to him. "I... I didn't know you were going to kiss me,
and it surprised me a little that's all. I didn't mean to hurt you."

      "Its fine Guy, I'm not some little girl, I'll be seventeen in about
three weeks. It's okay." He said it so lightly, but I knew inside he was
hurting more than ever.

"Camille it's not alright and I know you're hurting. I mean don't get me
wrong Camille, I---" I paused. Not knowing if telling him this truth was
the right thing to do.

       "I love you so much Camille. I think about you every day and almost
every moment of that day. My heart beat speeds up and I get butterflies in
my stomach whenever you're around me. Just like now." He turned his head
towards me and was staring at me.  "But..." He turned his head away from me
and stared back up at the ceiling. "Your sixteen Camille and I'm
twenty-four, it would look weird to other people if we were outside holding
hands."

      "So that's it? That's why you don't want to be with me?  Because of a
stupid age difference Guy?  I wouldn't care, I love you. We don't have to
hold hands in public anyway."

      "It wouldn't be that easy, one of us would get tired of hiding
it. I'd be tired of it after one week, hypothetically speaking. Maybe if
you were eighteen it wouldn't be all that bad."  I couldn't believe we were
talking about this, being together, I've been wanting this for so long and
here I am trying to push him away.  Me and him; together. Holding hands,
cuddling on the beach and him lying on my chest. A cool breeze brushing
over us and the smell of the salt water in the air...

      "What's there to smile about?" he asked.

      "Uhm, what do u mean?" I asked him confused.

      "Your smiling."

      "Oh, well I can't remember why but let's talk about this tomorrow
Camille, maybe we can think of something."

      "Oh, okay, but can you sleep here tonight Guy? Please? I won't try
and kiss you or anything, I just like being near you." He said looking away
from me. He was so cute when he was shy.

      "Sure, Camille, I'd love to." I said kicking my shoes off and getting
under the covers.  I felt so comfortable now that we were talking, this was
the happiest I've been, knowing that the boy laying down inches away from
me shared the same amount of love I have for him.

(To be continued)

Thank you to everyone who's been reading In My Heart. And I would like to
know how I'm doing and how you feel about it, email me =]
polevaulter973@aol.com and thank you to everyone that has emailed me
already, I appreciate the feedback.