Date: Tue, 29 Mar 2016 11:02:57 +0000
From: Chezdon <chezdon1997@gmail.com>
Subject: Innocence Waning Chapter 18

Chapter 18

An annoying noise evolves into a familiar melody as I open my
eyes. "Goddamn." I slowly roll over on to my back before realising that my
alarm is sounding on my phone which at first glance appears to be a million
miles away laying innocently on the floor. I nearly fall out of my bed as I
struggle to retrieve the petulant device off of the mound of dirty clothes
and skinny jeans that I reminded that I wore yesterday. I fiddle with the
charging cable and try to insert it the wrong way in to the phone finding
it difficult to focus after a horrible night of sleep riddled with
nightmares. Like on previous Christmas Days that have come and gone where I
have expected gifts and have been disappointed, there is a nervous
anticipation when I check text messages and try to figure out exactly what
happened last night.

How I got home is a simply a mystery and after trying to remember actually
leaving the restaurant, I abandon my quest to fill in the blanks. Instead,
I sit up and strip off my wine stained and smelly flannel shirt and toss it
on the growing mound of clothes and shoes next to my bed. Reacquainting
myself with previously read text messages from both my father and Austin
rekindles wayward memories long forgotten. I am reminded that there was a
reason why I set my alarm to go off before the sun has even bothered to
rise this morning as I told Austin that I would meet him in an hour for
breakfast. I ponder what good timing it is that my father and Mel decided
to stay in a hotel last night as I would have been in serious trouble if I
turned up in a stupor. I didn't even manage to get my shirt off before
going to bed, so I can imagine how I was in the death knells of the
previous evening as I made my grand entrance back into this apartment. I
send a brief text message to Austin wishing him a good morning and also
confirm that I will be at the café in an hour and then produce a yawn
that is so loud that it would disturb the neighbours through my bedroom
wall.

Not being able to find the remote control for the television encourages me
to take a sudden interest in my calves and then my toenails as I first
cross my left leg over my right knee and pull my foot forward only inches
from my face so I can inspect it. Squeezing my calf incites a brief pain,
but like when you get a massage, it is a good kind of pain. I take a moment
to notice that the volume of hair on my leg is increasing and it is also
getting darker. When I lose my tan over the next six months as we move into
the cold months, the dark blond leg hair will contrast strangely against my
white skin I fear when I lose my tan. Finally deciding to roll out of bed
and limping towards my bathroom seems like a good decision at first and my
frustration level rises since I can't recall how I injured myself last
night. It also feels like I ate an extremely spicy vindaloo curry from the
takeaway shop on Elizabeth Street on the wander home which has caused my
arsehole to feel like a ring of fire, the effective aftermath of having to
sit on the toilet for five times and the associated requisite wiping. Did I
have a curry last night? I try to remember. I do like to playfully
antagonise the Indian chef at the takeaway shop. Not only do we talk about
cricket but I also ask him to make curries like they would be made in
Bangalore, and not how they would make it for the white man who cannot
appreciate heat from the chilli. I chuckle at the dialogue that plays out
in my head that I probably had whilst drunk if I did in fact have a curry
last night. I slide my boxer briefs off and leave them on the floor as I
limp into my bathroom and casually reach around wondering what is rubbing
between my butt cheeks. I pull out a wad of tissue that was previously
wedged in my arse and immediately notice what looks like dried blood. "What
the fuck?" Disgusted, I toss the wad of tissue into the toilet and then
flush. I then urinate in the bowl breathing a sigh of relief under my
breath and flush again for good measure.

My sense of touch feels dull as the warm water spraying on me from the
shower stall splashes off of my back. I bend down and try to touch my toes
with the intention of stretching and spread my arse cheeks so the water
will clean my holiest of holes but a raw pain immediate flares up and I
can't bare the force of the water spraying against my pink hairy
arsehole. Escaping from the shower stall, I relish the beautiful silence of
my surrounds as I follow my usual predictable routine to get ready for
school and after blow-drying my hair, I opt to spray it with salt water
spray, blow-dry it a second time and then really mess up my mane just to
have a different look today. This will give the peanut gallery and gossip
hounds some new material and perhaps distract them from the prize fight
that took place with Jayden yesterday. I can only hope at least. I utter an
audible sigh as I muse about Jayden in general and wonder if he will even
bother turning up at school today. I really hope that he does.

Returning to my energy starved phone, I feel a sense of brief sense of
relief knowing that I am no longer noticeably limping. After reading a text
from Austin saying that his parents are being difficult and do not want to
drive him to school early today, I respond saying that I will send an Uber
car to collect him and I that I will take a cab to the cafe. Problem
solved. The last thing I want to do is walk to the tram stop feeling
fatigued and with the general feeling of numbness, much like I would think
a ghost would feel like, if I believed in ghosts. My whole body aches and
fortunately I only have a dull pain in my head which I attribute once again
to the head-butting of my best friend. I don't feel like I drank that much
wine last night. Perhaps drinking on an empty stomach has caused this weird
feeling so I will chalk it up as being a lesson learned.

Austin responds asking me to send the Uber car to a residential address
down the street from where he lives so his parents do not suspect that I am
further responsible for corrupting their only son. I agree and order the
car to pick him up and then proceed to get dressed into the usual boring
school uniform.

Without my father and soon to be stepmother around to greet me this morning
in the kitchen, there is no hot coffee waiting for me and the newspaper I
suspect is resting peacefully outside of our front door. Wanting coffee
desperately, I return to my room and start to scavenge in the pockets of
the skinny jeans that I wore last night looking for money. Only finding a
small tray of pills with two missing, a memory quickly returns and I
immediately recall taking pain killers from Shaun's bag and then feel a
sense of regret that I spent all of the $200 in cash that I took with me,
that or lost some of the leftover money, which I do on occasion since I
don't carry a wallet. I pop a white pill from the sheet of Oxycontin and
toss it into my mouth as I walk back into the bathroom and suckle water
direct from the tap and swallow. I decide that my hair is far too messy and
push it all to the right and then the push the sides forward and feeling
satisfied, spray some sort of bastardised hair spray concoction all over it
before leaving my bathroom, finding my keys next to the front door and
leaving the apartment, dropping the sheet of pills in my bag on the way
out.

After tossing the newspaper into the foyer of the apartment and whilst
locking the front door, I hear my next door neighbour leaving her apartment
and closing her door. With my back turned to her, she speaks to me in a
chirpy voice with a posh Aussie drawl. "Good morning young Chezdon. You are
up early. Do you have a big day planned?" What sort of question is this I
wonder. I am dressed in my school uniform after all.

I spin around and drape my backpack on my shoulder after rolling my
eyes. "You know what they say, the early bird gets the worm and all of that
rubbish." I flash a smile towards my middle-aged neighbour who I know to be
one of the busybodies of the building. I have a brief vision of getting my
hands into Austin's underwear but my throbbing head interrupts my exciting
mental slideshow and I focus on my current time and place. "Where are you
off to so early?" I always forget the name of this neighbour despite having
lived next door to her for nearly four years.

"I am going to the Prahran Market to do some shopping and to buy some fish
before all of the good stuff is snatched up." The look on my face
noticeably changes and I immediately smile. The look on her face
immediately changes to a look of regret as she knows what I am going to
ask.

"Do you suppose you can give me a ride? You know my school is close to the
market and I don't have any credit on my public transport card and I don't
have any cash for a cab. I really don't want to walk." I give my neighbour
a big toothy smile. "Please?" I can't request an Uber as I already sent one
to pick up Austin and I can't request multiple cars at the same time.

"Yeah, I guess so. It gives us time to catch up." She smiles and presses
the button to call the elevator.

"Great. I would like that." I lie. I should have just gone and taken more
cash from my father's drawer, purchased a coffee downstairs and then taken
a cab to school. Not feeling like I am on my A-game or thinking very
clearly at this early hour combined with my headache has led to me making
the first bad decision of the day. With the hope of distracting my
neighbour from asking too many meddling questions as we get into the
elevator and start the journey to the parking structure, I offer up some
information, like a zookeeper would toss a slab of rare meat to a lion. "My
father announced that he is getting married yesterday."

"Oh, that is wonderful Chezdon. Melanie is a wonderful woman and that makes
me so happy." I will have to tell my father I told this happy news to the
nosey neighbour as she will expect an invite to the wedding now I am
sure. "I really do enjoy catching up with Melanie weekly for a coffee." I
silently call myself horrible names and feel regret for not calling for a
cab. I quietly admonish myself knowing that I should have made a different
choice this morning and then vaguely remember being in a yellow cab last
night. This is peculiar as when I ordered an Uber for Austin earlier, I was
asked to rate my Uber driver from last night. I quickly focus on the word
`coffee' that was said rather flippantly and focus on the live
conversation.

"I didn't know that you caught up with Mel every week. She does love
coffee. Which café do you go to?" The elevator stops and when the doors
open we walk out into the multi-story car park and we begin to stroll
towards her vehicle.

"Usually we go to the Bond across the street or just talk for hours in your
kitchen. She does make really nice coffee." The conversation that I had
with Austin over coffee is inconveniently refreshed in my mind. I quickly
become sullen as I recall him painfully recounting the tale of the home
invasion that he survived when we were last at the Bond cafe. "Are you okay
Chezdon?"

I quickly snap out of the poignant daydream and once again start living in
the moment. My mind starts to present sketchy and random memories from last
night that make no logical sense and when combined with the torment that I
recalled that was in Austin's eyes as he recounted the story of what
happened in his house the day it was invaded by thugs leaves me with a
feeling of melancholy. "Yeah, I am fine. I just got distracted thinking
that I forgot something that I need for school today, but I have it in my
bag." I have some pills for my headache, which is all that matters right
now. "Sorry about that."

We get into her Range Rover and quickly exit the building in the
all-terrain vehicle. I thought Austin's mother was the queen of erratic
driving but this woman deserves the title. She manages to clip a kerb as
she leaves the parking structure accelerating onto the public street. We
speed past the Bond café and she doesn't seem to be bothered at all by
the concept of a speed limit or the rules of the road. She honks her horn
at a tradesperson that is jaywalking across the street with a ladder
propped on his shoulder before she turns onto City Road. "This
neighbourhood is going to hell." She honks her horn again at car that has
not started to accelerate in front of us when the traffic light
changes. "Just the other day someone got beat up by a gang with a bat
outside of our building. Did you hear about that?" My neighbour honks her
horn again and then accelerates whilst turning the top heavy four wheel
drive vehicle onto Southbank Boulevard and passes the car that was impeding
our journey at the light.

This busybody I am sure knows that the police came to our apartment the
other day to question me and I am confident that she knows that I was on
the winning side of the impromptu cricket match that took place outside of
the building with James earlier in the week since gossip travels fast. "I
am not sure, there is always something happening in this neighbourhood, but
I haven't heard of any shit like that going down." A flashback of seeing
the two litre bottle of Pepsi rammed up inside James as he was squatting
makes me chuckle.

The Range Rover increases its rate of speed so that the yellow traffic
light can be run and we accelerate faster turning onto St Kilda Road and
head in the direction of Melbourne Grammar. I lick my dry lips in
anticipation of getting to school and the safety of the footpath which does
not move. I want to be anywhere besides inside this car as we pass multiple
vehicles and swerve in and out of the lanes. "Wow, kids these days use such
horrible language. Do you kiss your mother with that dirty mouth of yours,
Chezdon?" This woman knows that I don't live with my mother as she drinks
coffee with Mel, so I have no idea what the foundation of this question
is. Fortunately the lights on St Kilda Road stay green and our commute will
end soon.

"I can't say that I kiss her, no. She isn't exactly up for the Mother of
the Year award." I test the waters and keep my eye on the road hoping that
pedestrians do not try to dice with death and take their chances to run
across the street hoping to catch the tram at the last second as this
vehicle isn't going to stop for anyone.

"Kelly is a lovely woman. Don't say that Chezdon, that is horrible." I look
at my nosey neighbour with a confused look. "I saw her the other day. She
loves you but I think you need to make more of an effort. The poor lady is
in a wheelchair now you know." I remind myself that I did schedule a time
with the aforementioned mother of the year and I sigh when I remember that
I agreed to go see her tonight. I really need to set up the Google calendar
sync so my phone reminds me of these unfortunate plans. There is no point
in articulating my position as this meddlesome woman has already formed her
opinion and I wouldn't be surprised if she has been spying on not only me
but Daniel and Mel for years and reporting everything that she sees and
hears back to Kelly. I decide it is in my best interest to remain
silent. "Is it OK if I let you off up ahead? I don't want to get trapped in
traffic around your school or on Punt Road. You are limping a bit. Will you
be okay?" She should call it Cunt Road like Mel does since it is always a
traffic nightmare.

"That is cool. I am very grateful for the ride. I appreciate it." The Range
Rover comes to a sudden stop near the intersection where normally one would
turn off to drive to the front gates of my school. I nearly fall out of the
Range Rover after opening the door with my heavy bag in my hand.

"Say `hello' to Kelly for me, Chezdon. Thank you for the chat." The prying
neighbour looks at me earnestly as I hold the door of the Range Rover
open. A familiar Audi R8 is behind us and I watch my classmates' mother
honk the car horn twice and wave her hand in frustration as the Range Rover
is blocking traffic. I feel like giving my nosey neighbour a taste of her
own medicine.

"I will do that. I just want to say many thanks again for giving me the
ride today. I don't know what I would have done--" Two protracted beeps are
emitted from the Audi R8. I clear my throat. "I don't know what I would
have done or how I would have felt in the end if I had to walk to the tram
stop with this limp. Hopefully we--" Two additional beeps come from the
Audi and I hear some muffled shouting from inside the beautiful car. My
neighbour looks anxious to go and is staring at the rear-view
mirror. "Hopefully we can have some coffee soon and talk about our building
and the neighbourhood. I always feel a bit out of the loop with school,
sports--" The mother of my classmate presses the horn and doesn't take her
hand off of it and then rolls down the window and starts to shout. The BMW
driver stuck behind the Audi then starts blasting his horn. "These rude
people!" I exclaim. "I better go, they seem to be in a rush. Thanks again!"
I slam the door of the Range Rover and my snooping neighbour speeds off
through the yellow traffic light. The Audi R8 rolls to a stop next to
me. My classmate has his hands over his face, covering his embarrassment. I
look at his mother and simply shrug my shoulders and then start to walk up
the road toward the gates of school. It isn't too long before both the Audi
and the BMW speed past me, only to be stuck in traffic once again. I
chuckle as I walk past the cars and give them a `thumbs up' and continue my
walk past the campus gate.

The school crest affixed to the wrought iron gate catches my attention as I
walk past it and towards the café that I arranged to meet Austin at. I
ponder the meaning of the fleur-de-lys, which along with a number of other
elements on the crest are easily forgotten. The theme of purity comes to
mind as I take my jacket off and undo the top button of my shirt which is
concealed by my tie. Virtue. Decency. Freedom from contamination. Not being
tainted. The various definitions of the word purity travel around my head
as I notice the throbbing feeling is subsiding which is curiously
immediately exchanged by the vibrating of my phone against my leg in my
pocket. I retrieve the phone and immediately become flustered as the caller
ID is not available. I bite my tongue before taking a deep breath and
answering the call. "This is Chezdon." I continue walking and two seconds
later I repeat myself louder. "This is Chezdon." A second before I pull the
phone away from my ear, I hear a voice say something. "Sorry, can you
repeat that?" I impatiently demand.

"Chezdon." The familiar voice that I cannot identify says sternly. He then
clears his throat. "Chezdon, this is Kevin McGuire. Austin's father." I
thought the voice sounded familiar earlier in the week when he decided to
briefly say something and then hang up on me.

"Are you the one that keeps ringing me and hanging up when I answer?" I ask
with a perturbed inflection in my voice.

"Yeah, sorry about that. I just didn't know how to start this conversation,
and was hoping to get your voice mail, so yeah. Sorry." Kevin seems
nervous. Why he would keep calling me and hanging up seems like something
one of my classmates would have done three years ago so I am certainly
confused as I continue to walk and begin to scratch at my arm.

"What can I do for you?" I really don't know what to say and I want him to
make his point before I see his son at the cafe. I then remember that the
random hang-up calls started some time before Austin came out of the closet
and announced that we were seeing each other, which leads to further
confusion. I am vexed.

"Can we meet and talk about a matter? It has nothing to do with what Austin
said last night about him being a homosexual and all. Honestly that doesn't
bother me much, but I have been wanting to talk to you about something
else. Can I meet you at lunch today or after school to talk?" Kevin seems a
bit aloof, like he is suffering from a hangover which makes me briefly
wonder if the little white pills that I took last night made me immune from
the awful effects of a wine and gin hangover that I really should have had
this morning.

I make a sound which sounds like a gurgling "hmmm" as I continue to wonder
if the Oxycodone kept my hangover at bay and then remember that Kevin
actually asked me a question. "Today is really bad timing Kevin." I look at
my watch anticipating that I am only a few minutes away from meeting his
son, who is the first boy that I have feelings of lust for that isn't in 5
Seconds of Summer. "Can Austin be around when we have our chat?"

"Sure, he has heard a fair amount of what I have to say already and I
promise you that it has nothing to do with your relationship with my
son. His mother of course would have a different opinion, but don't worry
about her. When do you have time because it is pretty important and time
sensitive considering some things I have heard that are going on." The man
speaks in riddles and should interview for the vacant job of gamesmaster in
the Hunger Games.

"I have to go to Malvern tonight."

"I heard that you are seeing your mother. Yeah." Kevin sniffs and then
clears his throat again after interrupting me.

"Was it in the newspaper this morning that I am seeing my mother tonight?"
I ask impatiently and scratch my ear. "It seems like everyone in Melbourne
knows."

"Austin mentioned it to us. I say good luck to you mate as she is a piece
of work." Kevin coughs and then clears his throat again. "Anyway, what are
you suggesting?"

Even more confused, I make a suggestion. "When I am done in Malvern, how
about if I swing past your place to see you and of course Austin and we can
talk about whatever you want."

There is silence for nearly five seconds whilst Kevin thinks about me
entering his sacred domain and most likely how to manage his wife and her
fiery opinions about Austin's sexuality and of course me, the demon spawn
of Daniel Morrison. "That is fine. Just send a text to Austin thirty
minutes before you are going to turn up so I can make sure things here
are... comfortable"

I chuckle unintentionally into the phone. "I understand. Will do. Cya." I
end the call before Kevin can say anything.

Mystified as to what Austin's father wants to carry on about, I check the
Uber application on my phone as I continue to walk in the direction of the
café and see that the car that Austin is riding in is merely a minute
away. I then immediately receive a text from Austin conveying the same
information, as if we are on the same wavelength. I arrive at the café
just as the black Holden car arrives. The back door flies open and I smile
when Austin steps out of the vehicle and into my line of sight.

I walk towards Austin as the black Holden speeds off. "Hello there." I
smile. Austin drops his bag on the footpath and then quickly walks toward
me and wraps his arms around me. He buries his nose into my neck and grips
me tight. I contort my body in a way that allows me to drop my bag onto the
footpath also and then hug him equally tight. "How are you?" A car driving
past honks its horn and I begin to feel self-conscious knowing that I am
sweaty and I hope that I don't smell. I wonder if Austin would care if I
smell or if he would tell me.

Austin speaks into my neck. "I have missed you. You smell nice today. What
are you wearing?" He brings his head up and away from mine but keeps his
arms gently around my body. I guess I don't smell like shit at least.

"Melbourne tap water combined with Aesop body wash and lotion that was
taken from the maid's trolley at the last hotel I stayed at. I have a whole
stash of the little bottles." I smile which makes Austin laugh. "I thought
of wearing my One Direction fragrance, but I thought I would save that for
tomorrow." I wink at Austin and he laughs again. He frees me of his embrace
before returning to pick up his bag. "Hungry?"

"Starving." I follow Austin into the café and we take a seat and order a
round of much needed coffee to start off with.

Once we have menus in our hands and the server has walked off to fill our
request for black coffee, instead of addressing the elephant in the room, I
ask the most pressing question that is on my mind. "Any idea why your
father wants to talk to me in person?"

Austin puts his menu down and his eyes go wide. "What?" His mouth drops
open as he must be in shock.

"Someone has called and hung up on me many times over the last week from a
private number. I got the call again this morning and the caller turned out
to be your father and he admitted to ringing me many times and hanging up
on me throughout the week. So I guess it has nothing to do with your
gayness." The server catches my eye whilst I am speaking and walks over and
I look at her. "Just a big breakfast, thanks." I smile.

"Make that two." Austin says immediately after I finish
speaking. "Scrambled eggs though."

"Fried eggs for me please." The bored looking waitress walks away. My eyes
meet Austin's. "Any idea?"

"My father is all worked up about your father selling his stake of his
business and has some very colourful opinions about it. He seems to be
really absorbed in it and thinks there is a huge conspiracy where your
father is really just trying to fuck him over." The bored server returns
with two lime green coloured mugs of coffee and sets them down in front of
us. "I really don't care or to tell you the truth understand it all that
much, but if you talk to him, maybe he will run out of steam and move on
with his life as I am tired of hearing his shit." We both take sips of
coffee at the same time and place the mugs back on the table gently in
unison. "My mother is of the opinion that your father has drafted you to"
–Austin clears his throat—"to turn me into a fag and she is confident
that you both are trying to destroy our happy family. How ridiculous is
that?"

"Whoa!" I am at a loss for words and take another sip from the coffee
mug. "Is she crazy? How can I turn you gay? I know I have some pretty weird
mutant abilities, but turning hot guys like you gay is not one of them." I
take another sip and lick my dry lips.

"This is what I had to deal with last night. My mother was crying and
calling me bad names. She was saying that I am selfish and that I will not
ever provide her with grandkids. She thinks it is a conspiracy and that you
are seducing me with your charm, much like your father supposedly did with
your mother, and when you are done with me, you will throw me away like a
piece of trash, much like your father did with Kelly." Austin starts
laughing and then sips coffee from his mug again. "I think their marriage
is on the rocks and it probably didn't help that my sister stuck up for me
during the shouting match last night and proclaimed that she is a lesbian,
even though she isn't one. She just said it to fuck with my mother." Austin
sips from the mug again after finishing his monotone summary of the events
of the previous evening and places it on the table.

"Jesus Christ!" I pause to take everything in whilst the bored server
returns and places the plates of egg, sausage, bacon, beans, fried tomatoes
and toast in front of us. Usually I would ask for tomato sauce, but I am
too stunned and at a loss for words as I process what Austin said, who
casually starts to shove scrambled eggs into his mouth. "Your parents are
crazy. Sorry."

"Yup." Austin starts to cut up a piece sausage. "My mother started carrying
on and saying that all gays are sinners and also said that God's grace and
mercy does not extend to the gay community who openly sin in the eyes of
the Lord." He then casually chews on piece of sausage before scooping up
baked beans with his spoon. "She even started to read the twenty-third
psalm. You know `the Lord is my shepherd' bullshit." He shoves a heaping
spoonful of beans into his mouth and swallows them after chewing
minimally. "I need to repent. You need to repent. Elton John needs to
repent. My sister needs to repent. She went on and on and my father
polished off a bottle of vodka during this so-called family
emergency. According to my mother, and further to God's grace and mercy, he
will forgive any sin as long as you stop sinning however in her words the
gays still want our homo relationships and thus we will incur God's wrath."
Austin scoops scrambled eggs onto a slice of toast and starts to eat more
of the hearty big breakfast. All I can do is look at mine and make sure my
mouth doesn't gape open out of pure at utter shock as he recounts the
nonsense from the previous night. "So you get the general gist. How was
your night?"

I use the break in this outrageous conversation to signal the bored server
and tell her that I want another cup of coffee. I drink the rest of what is
left in my mug in one gulp. Austin tells her that he has had enough
caffeine. "My night was boring compared to yours Austin. I am so sorry you
had to deal with that nonsense. I never knew your mother was so religious."
I start to cut up strips of bacon.

"By the time she was done ranting and saying that if I carry on with you in
a homosexual relationship that I will burn in hell, incur God's wrath and
what not, she was driven to tears because I started laughing at all of the
hysterical biblical nonsense. It was all so far over the top and as
far-fetched as some of the One Direction fan fiction that you find on
Wattpad." Austin smiles and chews on his toast. "It was nearly as shocking
as a story that I read where one of the One Direction boys impregnates
another one of the band members and the baby is delivered via his
arsehole." Austin chuckles.

God's wrath. Sin. Purity. Delivering a baby through an arsehole. It feels
like I recently did. "So your sister got involved in this family bonding
session?" I return to alternating between cutting up my fried eggs and
sausage before chewing and swallowing whilst Austin begins to speak
enthusiastically.

"She is amazing. She basically stated that she was a lesbian and that we
are not going to burn in hell anytime soon and that she should act like a
reasonable mother and support her only children in their life decisions. I
really don't think her boyfriend of two years would agree with her
new-found sexuality, but she didn't want me to have to take on both of the
parentals in one sitting. It was an unfair fight especially when my father
started slurring that your father is corrupt and has fucked over our family
and is responsible for the bloody home invasion if you can believe it." The
bored server lingers at our table long enough to listen to Austin finish
his story before placing the coffee in front of us and taking the empty
mugs away. It looks like she wants to stay and listen but after I look at
her she walks away quickly. I scratch my neck and then start to slice and
eat my fried tomato. "So we are having another family meeting tonight to
determine a way forward. I am not supposed to see you romantically any
longer or carry on like a faggot behind the back of God or my doting and
loving parents according to my mother." Austin rolls his eyes and snickers.

"What a load of bullshit!" I exclaim in a loud voice not realising just how
loud I was which attracts the attention of most people including the bored
server in the café. Dialling down my own volume, I first take a sip of
the next round of coffee. "When I spoke with your father, he said he didn't
care about you being gay and we are going to meet at your house later this
evening when I am done battling Voldemort. I guess he really does want to
talk to me about my father being corrupt and shit like that." I start to
scoop the fried beans into my mouth.

Austin drinks the last of his coffee and sets the mug on the wooden table
with some force. "Oh that is right, you are seeing your mother tonight. You
are a brave boy if you are going to take her on and then my parents."

I roll my eyes and put my fork and knife down on the plate indicating that
I am done eating and sip from the coffee mug. "It seems logical to get all
of these bullshit people out of the way in the shortest amount of time." I
take another sip of coffee. "Sorry, they are your parents after all, I
don't mean to disrespect them."

"Fuck them. I do have to live with them so I will just contribute where I
can, fit in and go through the motions. I have heard many years of ranting
and raving about your father, so adding the themes of sexuality and of
course bringing God into the equation makes things more uncomfortable, but
it is nothing that I can't manage." Austin puts his knife and fork down on
his plate and looks at me and smiles. "What did you do to your hair today?
It looks like a birds nest."

I laugh and set my coffee mug down gently. "Do you like it? It is just
getting long. I need a haircut."

"It looks different. It looks wild." Austin raises his arms above his head
and stretches and then yawns. "A wild hairstyle for a wild boy. My wild
boy." Austin smiles and looks at the small plant that I didn't previously
notice resting in the centre of the table. "Has anyone heard from Jayden?"

I shrug my shoulders. "Not a word. I assume you have seen the videos making
their way around? Even bloody Bryce has seen them."

Austin sighs and looks uncomfortable as he shifts his weight on the
chair. "Yeah I have. What do you suppose got into him? Nobody thinks that
you were in the wrong for head-butting him just so you know. I am just
happy that you didn't end up getting drunk last night like my father did as
I figured you would after what happened yesterday. You are looking really
fresh today actually. I wonder what Jayden looks like or even if he will
turn up today."

"We should probably go. I will pay." We push our chairs back in unison and
grab our bags out from under the table. Austin walks outside and I walk
towards the bored server who is standing behind the counter near the coffee
machine and settle the bill by tapping my debit card on the EFT
machine. "See you next week." I declare with a smile on my face before
waving at the server and then the chef in the window of the kitchen and
walk outside. We then start walking toward school. "Christ, I wish we
didn't have to go to that shithole today."

"What happened to you?" Austin looks at my legs as I walk noticing that I
am favouring one leg more as I put one foot in front of the other and then
repeat. "Did you get hit by the tram or something?" I chuckle as it is an
ongoing joke about people, usually tourists, who get hit by a tram whilst
not paying attention when they are crossing a street. The local Victorian
state government is running an ad campaign which compares the weight of a
tram to that of thirty rhinos. "Beware the rhinos!" We both shout at the
same time.

"A running injury I guess. It is no big deal really." I place my hand on
Austin's shoulder and kiss him on the cheek as we continue to walk on the
footpath towards the place of learning. "You are pretty cool Austin."
Austin looks at me and smiles with a wide toothy grin which reminds me of
the service manager at Pei Modern Restaurant. Briefly I again recall
leaving the restaurant last night but getting into a yellow taxi, but how
did I end up in an Uber car? I could get the details of the ride when my
father is home since his credit card is attached to the account that I use,
the invoice and the route map gets e-mailed to him after the journey is
complete. I make a mental note to ask him for that information later. "I
wonder what Mr Mackey has planned for us today. With this injury, I think I
will be sitting down to pee today." Austin laughs which makes me laugh. "So
much nonsense."

Austin adjusts his backpack and effectively skips in place as we near the
familiar school gates. "I just hope we have heard the last of Kafka and the
dirty fly. I have had enough of that shit." His statement makes me recall
an intense nightmare that I was having before my alarm went off this
morning of a large fly smothering me. I shake my head briefly and a chill
runs down my spine.

We pass through the open wrought iron gates of Melbourne Grammar with ease
and it isn't until Austin and I decide we need to bid each other a fond
farewell and go our separate ways that we see Malcolm running towards
us. "Oh here we go." Austin looks at me and continues. "Let the drama
continue."

"Maybe he is just coming to read us the thirty-third psalm?" I wonder
innocently and smirk. "You look like you have been smitten with the fear of
hell mate."

"No that started last night obviously Chez. If we must endure God's wrath
for being fags, I suppose I am ready for Malcolm's drama. It surely can't
be as bad as what God has in store for us." Austin shoves me and we both
start laughing like amused fools. Malcolm jogs up to us and grins as our
laughter seems to be infectious. "What's going on Malcolm?" Austin is the
first to ask.

"Mate. Have you see Jayden yet?"

We both shake our heads from side to side.

"I just saw him walking into a classroom. He has a big bandage on his nose
and his face is bruised. He actually looks better than I thought he would
today." Malcolm looks around which makes it appear that he is telling us a
big secret. "Don't worry Chezdon, my boys will have your back if Jayden
starts some shit." He puts out his fist and we fist pump and then Austin
fist pumps with Malcolm. We say good bye and we all go in our separate ways
in a matter of seconds. This is the first time that I actually feel like I
am in danger after the unfortunate events that transpired yesterday. I
don't really think that Jayden would try to assault me on school grounds
but then again I never thought he would try choking me to death either.

"Hey Austin!" I shout. Austin turns around. "Meet at the vending machine
before Lit class?"

"Sure thing! Cya!" Austin shouts and walks toward his class and I walk the
opposite direction.

My heart pounds fast and loud as I endure my morning classes, banal
conversation and questions from my peers. I am told by a plethora of boys
that I both know well and could not name if my life depended on it that
Jayden is around and there are many queries as to whether I have seen his
deformed face, shared more harsh words with him or if there is a scheduled
re-match of the Ultimate Fighting after school today. I want to take a
piece of cardboard and write `NO' in felt-tip marker on it in big bold
letters and hang it around my neck just so I can answer questions before I
am asked them. Pointing at a sign as I walk around makes sense. Repeating
myself leads to having a very dry mouth and I anticipate some relief as I
toddle up to the soft drink vending machine and start fishing around in my
pocket searching for money. I don't notice Austin turn the corner and walk
quickly towards me.

"Hey Chez. I got it mate." Austin shoves a five dollar note into the
machine before I have time to say anything. "Coke?" Austin presses the
plastic button and a can falls into the exposed slot at the bottom of the
machine. I pick up the can and hand it to Austin as he reaches for the
`Coca Cola' button and presses it again and in the process, lightly touches
my arm.

I grab the second can of Coke from the machine, quickly open it and drink
it without stopping to breath, talk or blink. "Ahhh. Thanks. I didn't have
any cash on me so I owe you." I crush the can with my hand and toss it into
the rubbish bin. Austin takes his time opening the can and then sips from
it.

"Have you seen Jayden?" I decide not to act like an arsehole and carry on
about how this is the hundredth time I have been asked this
question. "Nope. You know what though, if I have the chance, I will
apologise to him."

"Really?" Austin looks shocked and sips from the can again as he crosses
his legs like they are a pair of scissors and manages to stay
balanced. "After what he did? Christ."

"Life is too short and to be honest, I don't want any more drama. There has
been enough this week and I would rather focus my attention on you." I give
a wide smile to Austin which in turn makes him smile and he looks towards
the ground as he starts to blush. I put my hand on his shoulder and roughly
squeeze it a few times. "Hey!" Austin looks up at me and drinks from the
can again and adjusts his stance. "Smile. You look really sexy when you
smile."

Austin smiles. A few years ago I remember him having a mouth full of
braces. Now that they have been removed, his teeth are what some would
consider to be perfect. I have always felt fortunate that I haven't had to
have braces but I know that my teeth are not as perfect as Austin's are and
for a second I feel a hint of jealously.

I continue to rub his shoulder. "You are so cute. I really think you are
the hottest guy at this stupid school. Hell, you are the hottest guy in
Australia." I let out a chortle by accident having amused myself which
quickly reminds me that Shaun was chortling last night before I lost my
memory. I drift off momentarily and then resume looking at Austin's face
and smile once again.

"What were you thinking about just now?" Austin finishes the cola and
tosses the can into the rubbish bin.

"I was just thinking we need to go to Lit and I was wondering if Jayden
will be in there." I lie, but it has been on my mind all day, which has
been causing me a certain amount of anxiety. I know the red headed boy that
sits in front of me in class takes Valium for anxiety as I have seen the
box of pills in his bag when I once asked him to borrow a pen. I could use
one right now to take the edge off. "Let's go you hoe."

We walk quickly towards our classroom and I feel a sense of dread start to
form in my stomach. I begin to replay the events led me disrupting the
class yesterday and what caused me to walk out over in my mind en route. I
forgot that I will have to deal with the aftermath of that choice one way
or another today also. This will be one of the toughest hours of my life
and my heart begins to beat faster. Austin abruptly stops in front of me,
which causes me to collide into the back of him and when he turns around
our faces nearly touch as he begins to whisper. "If you feel like you are
going to say anything that would be negative or if you want to do anything
intense like yesterday in class because Mister Mackay antagonises you or
Jayden abuses you..." Austin pauses to think about his next words before
looking around. "Just look at me before you start talking, even if you are
asked a simple question. If I am pointing at my eyes, it means relax and
think before you speak." Wise words from a wise boy.

"Spoken by a true sage. What would I do without you Austin? I promise you I
will not be organising another walk-out today. In fact I am so tired, my
head hurts and I feel like I will go to sleep when Mackay starts droning
on, so don't worry." I smile at Austin and once again massage his tense
shoulder. He then turns around and walks towards the classroom and I
follow.

With only seconds to go before the scheduled start time, both Austin and I
walk into class. All of the conversations stop at the same time and all the
heads turn toward me with the exception of Jayden. There is some chuckling
and laughing as Austin and I stare at Jayden sitting at his assigned desk
who is looking forward and tapping his pen on the side of his head. I take
my seat and Austin makes his way to his desk, stepping over bags and
jackets. Malcolm is the first to shout. "Hey Chez. Mate!"

"Mate!" I shout back. The boys seated in front of me turn around and stare
as I take out my laptop and open it on my desk. I then take my phone out of
my pocket and set up mobile data tethering so I can browse the internet
during class. I am doing my best to distract myself as I really want to
stare at the bandage covering Jayden's nose.

The red-haired boy that sits in front of me that looks like Ron Weasley
initiates conversation with me which I find weird. "You know you aren't
supposed to use your laptops in class unless expressly told to do so, but
you don't follow the rules around here do you Chezdon?" He continues to
stare at me with his blue snake-like eyes and stares at me like he is
possessed. "What did you do to your hair today? Did you electrocute
yourself this morning? It looks awful."

"Whoa!" I exclaim more out of shock than anything and a smile quickly forms
on my face.

"Chezdon!" I hear Austin shout from the other side of the classroom. I
glance at him as I log into my laptop. He is pointing at his big brown
eyes. There is some laughing from some of the boys around the classroom and
that is when I notice Jayden looking at me. He has dark rings around his
eyes which I didn't notice when I first glanced at him earlier. A sense of
guilt starts to overcome me.

"Sssshhhh mate." The boy who used to have short curly hair, but appears to
have taken a hair straightener to it today who sits next to Ron Weasley
decides to provide his commentary next. "Be quiet mate, Chez might
head-butt you if you upset him." I am mortified and open my mouth to set
these boys straight when I hear Austin shout my name again. I roll my eyes
and look at the selfie that I took of myself from the front row at the last
5 Seconds of Summer concert that I attended in Melbourne which I have set
as my wallpaper. The lead singer Luke Hemmings is looking down at me from
the stage in the photo and seeing it puts me in a good spirits. I focus on
the photo and keep my mouth shut as I hear the door to the classroom close
and the clicking sound of high heels.

"Settle down boys." A leggy woman with a short skirt and a fashionable red
coat walks up to the front of the room. "Quiet please." She sets down her
bag and pulls out a folder and begins flipping through some paperwork. I
have seen her before but I don't remember what class that she last appeared
in as a relief teacher.

The boy who sits behind me taps me on the shoulder and then leans forward
so his head is next to mine and begins to whisper in my ear. "Hey are you
fucking that 5SOS guy too? Good on you mate." He points at the wallpaper on
my laptop screen. The boys that sit in front of me decide to finally turn
back around and pay attention to the attractive woman in front of the class
that gets our attention by clearing her throat.

"Your teacher had to leave unexpectedly for personal reasons so I will be
running the class today. You can call me `Miss' if you need to address
me. What I find strange is that your instructor had to leave quickly but he
left very detailed notes, so detailed you would think that I am leading six
classes of students for the next week, and I find this very queer." Some of
the boys in the class laugh and snicker at the word. Ron Weasley turns
around and looks at me briefly again, reminding me that I am indeed
queer. I want to say `so what' but then I think of Austin and I know that
he is looking at me as I feel a spot burning from his gaze on the side of
my head.

Further deviating from his usual conservative and nerdy character, Ron
Weasley decides to educate the substitute teacher with his theory as I
launch my Chrome browser and type in the URL for The Age newspaper. "Miss,
I reckon the instructor is afraid to turn up because Chezdon bullied him
yesterday. He probably thinks Chezdon will beat him up like he did
Jayden. Look at the poor guy." More laughing and snickering from the boys
in the class. I keep my eyes focused on my laptop screen.

I take a deep breath and start to read the local news. The top news stories
include but are not limited to a major accident on the Westgate Bridge and
people protesting in the streets around Parliament about the policies of
the government towards refugees. I feel my teeth one by one using my
tongue. I notice boys turn around to look at Jayden but I remain vigilant
and stare at my laptop screen. Malcolm starts to boisterously laugh which
causes Wyatt and Christopher to chuckle. The teacher shuffles some papers
and takes some time looking at one in particular before raising her voice
and giving a death stare to Ron Weasley. "Fergus, I don't need your
assessment of the situation. I am not stupid. Do you think the faculty here
live in a vacuum and only teenagers are on social media? I know what is
going on here and it is disgusting. So please be quiet and turn around."
She once again looks at the piece of paper before waving it around, which I
assume is the seating chart. "Malcolm, Wyatt, Christopher, Ben, Scott, be
quiet!" I wonder if she has taken a side in Jayden's war with me. If she
has seen the videos circulating she will know that I am not the aggressor
at least. "I want to tell you a story. Chezdon, please put your laptop
away." I comply and close my laptop and shove it into my bag as quickly as
possible. When I look up the familiar woman is staring at me.

"Yes, miss?" I exchange looks with the teacher who is at a loss for
words. She is resting her arse against the desk in front of the class and
has her legs crossed at her ankles. The boys sitting in front of me turn
around yet again and I roll my eyes.

"Weren't you at Pei Modern last night?" It is then I recognise her as she
was sitting at the table next to me. She kept giving me the evil eye and
consistently looked annoyed when Shaun would chortle. The feeling of dread
resurrects itself in my stomach again.

"No, miss." My heart starts beating quickly and I take Austin's advice and
keep my mouth shut. She would have seen my decent into hell and overheard
much of my obscene conversation with Shaun if she was indeed paying close
attention which I suspect now that she was. If she does think she really
does recognise me, I hope she assumes that I was just with my father or
another member of my family but then again I was drunk and sick and what
loving and reasonable member of a teenager's family would condone such
behaviour.

"Anyway, one year ago nearly to the day, I was working at a school in
Washington in the United States at North Thurston High School to be
precise. A student walked into the commons area and fired two shots into
the ceiling. One of my colleagues was able to tackle and control the
student before he opened fire on everyone. Thank god nobody was injured or
killed. So excuse me if I take all of this violent behaviour which is
making its way around Twitter which stars students in this class very
seriously. So if we may please go over the plan that your instructor
outlined for you today, I would appreciate it." The class remains silent no
doubt processing the tragic event that she just described. Saying nothing
says a lot sometimes.

"mmKay." Christopher interjects. Many boys start to snicker and I can't
help but to join in.

"Let's do this. Chezdon." The voluptuous and familiar teacher who thinks
that she knows far too much about me stops reading from her notes and
stares at me once again for a few seconds. "I am told that you are going to
thrill us today by discussing some heavy reading that was assigned before
the Easter break. The Marriage of Heaven and Hell by William Blake." I take
a deep breath and hold it in.

Boys in the class start to murmur. The usual suspects seated in front of me
turn around once again and stare at me. "Miss, we were assigned written
essays on various books, we were never told that we would need to discuss
them at any time that I can remember." Various boys in class start nodding
their heads demonstrating their de-facto agreement with me and the
proclamations of `yeah' are heard one by one. My peers I assume are afraid
that they will be called on next and it will be exposed that they didn't
bother to do the reading or just regurgitated what they found on the
internet on paper and do not understand the real meaning of the books that
they were assigned.

"I have been left instructions saying that you will be prepared to do this
today or else I am supposed to fail you." Then I fully understand, this is
Mister Mackey's revenge for the commotion that I caused yesterday. This
clever man leaves this unwitting casual teacher to moderate this mess
whilst he sits at a café somewhere sipping coffee. Knowing the content
of this book well as I thoroughly enjoyed it, I actually begin to believe
Mister Mackey is trying to set me up as this is putting me into a corner
when I briefly think about the content. The boy behind me gasps thinking
that he slept through this assignment and that he is doomed. This makes me
smile and I wish that I could look at the wallpaper on the desktop of my
laptop right now.

"I am ready." I confidently say. "What would you like me to do?"

"Tell us about the book at a high level." The woman puts her finger nail in
her mouth and continues to stare at me.

I look in the direction of Austin who is pointing at his big brown eyes
again and I feel a drop of sweat travelling down my back. "Well, Miss. Some
consider The Marriage of Heaven and Hell one of the greatest and most
provocative books ever written." Like a switch being flipped in my head and
a very bright light bulb being switched on, I then realise that Mister
Mackay is certainly trying to set me up to teach me a lesson. I feel that I
will not be able to escape this torture without being tossed out of class
regardless of what I say. "Some would say it is the most important work by
William Blake."

"Chezdon, you aren't telling me anything that I don't already know. Tell me
the three overarching themes within this work. Your teacher insists that
you will be able to colourfully talk about them and give us examples. Be
aware, I have read this before but to be honest it was in my last year at
University and I am confused as to why you were assigned this in the first
place as it doesn't seem appropriate, but I suppose that is just my
opinion. So please continue."

I look over at Austin again who looks calm and then Jayden looks at me
briefly which causes me to quickly turn my attention back to the
teacher. Malcolm injects a quick "mmkay" which makes everyone chuckle
again. I feel another drop of sweat roll down the centre of my back.

I take another deep breath and then look at Austin for support before I
start to speak. All eyes are on me. "Well, Miss, this book pretty much
satirises conventional moralities, demythologises religious dogma and
announces the beginning of an era of sexual freedom." When I look back at
Austin, he begins to start to chew on one of his fingernails intently.

"Good." The teacher leans on the back of the desk again. "Now that wasn't
as bad as Alfred Kinsey's works now was it?" The look of shock on my face
certainly affirms her belief that she saw me last night at Pei Modern and
that she was also eavesdropping on my conversation with Shaun. The guy that
she was with must have been as boring, or even as bored as all hell.

"Who is Alfred Kinsey miss? He isn't in the Blake book." I try to climb out
of my grave.

"Right." The teacher looks at her notes again. "Let's talk further about
the satarisation of conventional moralities as you so eloquently put
it. What is a conventional morality in your own words? Just so we are clear
Chezdon, I don't agree with this assignment as this is an advanced English
Literature discussion that should be had at University and I think you are
doing well." The boys sitting in front of me once again turn around and
stare at me. I use my sleeve to gently pat my forehead and banish the
perspiration from my face.

With hopes of ending this as discussion as quickly as possible I start to
speak rapidly. "Thanks. Most people hold moral principles that are
generally based on compliance with social norms and recognition that those
social norms help preserve social order." I focus on the boy in front of me
who continues to stare at me. I wonder how long it took for him to
straighten his hair today. He looks much better with straight hair. Another
bead of sweat drips down my back.

"Now I am supposed to ask you to give us an example of conventional
morality as you have defined it, an example specifically to this school
that you were discussing in class yesterday." The teacher scratches her
head and then looks up at me and puts the knuckle of her index finger in
her mouth. "Please continue." There is laughing and whispering as I rub my
right eye and feel another bead of sweat drip down my back.

I look at Austin who is pointing at his eye again and then Malcolm. "I will
be honest, he wants me to talk about my thoughts on the new school policy
where boys are supposed to sit down and pee in the bathrooms. I became
animated about this, let my opinion be known yesterday and then left the
class. So in context of this question, conventional morality would dictate
that we have rules at this school and they are meant to preserve order. I
am happy to sit down and pee if that is what I am supposed to say."

"Huh! This is just so strange. Fine." The teacher continues to read the
notes that Mister Mackey left for her. "Can you discuss in your own words a
modern day example of the theme where Blake announces the beginning of a
new era of sexual freedom, specifically as it relates to how sex is
presented in Kafka's The Metamorphosis that you have just finished
reading. This is bizarre I will have you know, but please continue."

Jayden clears his throat and laughs. The teacher returns to look at the
seating chart. "Please be quiet Mister McKenzie."

"Kafka was really uneasy about sex." Jayden interrupts me by laughing out
loud again. "There was a bit of sadomasochism in The Metamorphosis however
for example, since you asked, the main character, Gregor uses his whole
body to guard a magazine clipping of a lady in a fur cape and this
demonstrates his pitiful preoccupation with sex. This all happens before he
is transformed into vermin, which indicates that the protagonist is a
`cultural other' to the people around him and to his family." I put my
fingers up to empathise the words cultural and other.

"Interesting." The teacher begins to stare at Jayden who is looking at
Austin. "So Chezdon, put this all in context with an example or two from
the present day."

"I can do it for him miss." Jayden interjects.

"Mr McKenzie, please do not interrupt. Please continue Chezdon. I am
listening carefully." The teacher goes back to licking her knuckle. I look
at Austin and then back at the teacher.

I wipe my forehead with my sleeve again. "Cultural others. Hmmm. For
example racial and sexual transgressions. In present day?" I ponder Gregor
the fly and then imagine the head of the filthy vermin mounting me in my
nightmare which makes me shift uncomfortably in my seat and reminds me that
my arse hurts. "For example the black lives matter movement and even the
topic of gay marriage in Australia."

Jayden starts laughing again and the teacher shouts his name. "No miss, I
can't take this anymore! Chezdon doesn't give one shit about the black
lives matter movement. He is full of white arrogant privilege and even the
other week when we were watching Mississippi Burning in this class, he kept
looking at Sam and calling him sambo, which we all know is highly
offensive. Gay marriage? Sorry Austin but Chezdon will never marry you, he
doesn't believe in that. He is such a hypocrite. Just yesterday he was
saying misogynistic things about the head master so don't put him on some
pedestal miss. "

The teacher shouts at Jayden. "Enough. I will not have this!" I was just
answering a question about the text after all and not being asked to give
my opinion on the topics. Jayden is flying off the handle and just acting
unhinged which really concerns me.

I start tapping on the desk nervously with a pen. Austin is starting at me
and shaking his head. "Just to clarify Jayden." I look to the back of class
and my eyes meet those of the student that we call Sam, who is on
scholarship as he was part of the Sudanese refugee intake the government
sponsored recently. "Sam is not his name, it is Sambo if you could be
bothered to pay attention."

Sambo nods his head. "Yes miss, Mister Morrison is correct. My name is
Sambo."

"Miss, if you want me to explain this further I will and put it in context
of the original question that Mister Mackey wanted you to ask me. Kafka
described the fly as a cultural other, much like the gays are represented
these days in movies and television shows." I look at Jayden and continue
to speak being conscious not to blink for added effect. "There is a common
view of homosexuals as being neurotic, suicidal and murderous drama-queens,
which has been a cliché in movies and on television for years now. Now
we have the victim mentality to add to it, which Jayden is doing a fine job
at the moment of putting on display for all of us to see. It would seem gay
men are neurotic messes too weak and stupid to cope with any problem." Boys
start shouting and whistling in class. The teacher starts to twist a strand
of hair with her fingers.

Malcolm shouts. "Speak it Chezdon. Don't stop man!"

Jayden opens his mouth but I start speaking before he can say anything. "So
back to William Blake, there are those in society like Jayden that have a
seemingly rebellious independence and he thinks he is being true to it
today by being edgy and by trying to paint me as an elitist, racist,
misogynist and any other word that ends with I-S-T. William Blake satarises
conventional moralities in Marriage of Heaven and Hell so my admission
yesterday that I will not sit down on a toilet and piss at this school and
I that I will continue to stand to do the deed would be applauded by
William Blake and he would no doubt put that in an updated version of his
text if he was alive today." I have to start speaking louder as the sound
of boys shouting and slapping their desks becomes louder. "Perhaps the
final theme, if Jayden was going to stay true to his word, he would
announce the beginning of his own sexual freedom instead of just seething
in the shadows and being jealous that I have a great boyfriend called
Austin McGuire." The boys in the room start cheering and clapping. Malcolm
whistles and Christopher slaps Austin on the back a few times. "He can
continue playing the typical homosexual stereotype as a drama-queen or just
get on with life. I am doing the latter personally."

Jayden stands up and raises his middle finger towards me. "Fuck you,
Chezdon. Fuck you!" He picks up his bag and begins to walk towards the
door. "You know both you and Hitler have something in common. One fucking
ball!" He walks out of class kicking the rubbish bin and slams the door
closed. Jayden's outburst makes no sense but I really don't want people
knowing that I only have one testicle but in the heat of the moment, I hope
the boys in this class are distracted.

The teacher shakes her head. "Thanks for giving me the most memorable day
of teaching since the school shooting that I endured a year ago. It is days
like this I am happy to be an educator. I am not sure if I want to get your
thoughts on the religious dogma that Blake describes in the text, so let's
leave it at that. Everyone can go to lunch early, you are all dismissed. By
the way, who is Mister Mackey?"

"mmKay!" Various students shout and laughter ensues.

I take a few seconds to collect my thoughts and calm down and begin to
slouch in my chair before reaching down for my bag. What a day. I then
remember that I still have to see my estranged mother and then Austin's
parents later. I close my eyes.

"Chezdon, can I please speak with you for a moment before you go?" The
teacher casually says as the boys who sit in front of me stand up and once
again stare at me collectively. Others start to exit through the rear door
making cat-call sounds and whistling, following the path that Jayden
took. I pick up my bag and walk towards the front of the class brushing
against Fergus. As I walk past him I snap my fingers against his ball sack
and he squeals and then quickly covers his crotch with his hands.

"What can I do for you miss?" I casually ask as I walk toward the teacher
who continues to rest her arse against the wooden desk. If I actually had a
sexual attraction to females, I would most likely want to have my way with
her about right now.

She watches the boys leave the room one by one and curiously keeps her eyes
fixed on Austin who takes a sudden interest in examining a poster affixed
to a wall at the back of the room. She speaks at a level that I know that
only I can only hear. "Let's cut the shit Chezdon. We both know you were at
Pei Modern last night. My boyfriend and I were very concerned about you as
you were really messed up. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I am fine." I lie and want to admit to someone that my body aches
that I am tired and all sorts of different bodily fluids are being excreted
from my various orifices. "Just a bit tired, but you know how it goes."

The teacher looks serious and then looks towards Austin who is waiting at
the back of the room. Everyone else has left. "To be honest, we thought you
were a hooker last night. That guy you were with..." She thinks before
articulating her measured observation. "He didn't seem to be related to
you. It isn't my place to judge you just so you know. What you do on your
own time isn't my business as you are obviously a smart guy, but if you are
selling your body, you need to be more careful." Her brown eyes look like
they are starting to tear up as she watches my reaction intently.

"Jesus Christ! I am not a hooker and I don't sell my body." I whisper with
authority. "I know where you are coming from though and I know your heart
is in the right place."

"Don't bullshit me Chezdon, you can't woo me with words." She looks up at
Austin again who is still occupying himself looking at a poster and begins
whispering again. "We were really concerned about you and we were going to
put you in a cab but then we saw you get in the cab with that guy. You did
get home safely didn't you?"

I was in a cab with Shaun? A memory returns of waking up and being at his
house and not in Southbank. "Yeah, I did. I had a reaction to some
medication that I took last night. That is why I was so messed up. I really
hope that I didn't ruin your night. They serve some good food at Pei Modern
don't they?"

"I saw how much alcohol you were drinking last night. It was obvious then
as it is now that you are underage. We were about to call the police but
then you left in quite a hurry after throwing a wad of cash on the
table. We were really just shocked and appalled at the time. I am just
relieved that you got home fine and I left with a regret and really thought
that I would be watching a news report about you this morning instead of
running into you in this class of all places. Jesus, Chezdon you are what?
Sixteen?" The teacher pushes herself up onto the desk and sits on it. "From
what I see, you have an amazing future ahead of you. I really hope that you
keep yourself in check and don't end up dead. Just think about it. Promise
me that you will think about what I just said. Also your hair is different
today. I nearly didn't recognise you." I secretly wish I left it as messy
as I originally had it this morning.

"I will Miss." Mixed feelings of melancholy and anxiety overwhelm me as I
look up from the ground and at the substitute teacher and begin to process
what she said. "I will, thanks." I walk towards Austin who turns around
when he hears my footsteps.

"That looked serious. What did she want?" Austin tilts his head to the side
and scratches his neck. I feel the sudden desire to grab him and kiss the
spot that he is scratching.

"She wanted to find out why Mackay had it in for me today as she thought it
was all a bit much." Memories of the house that Shaun lives in returns. I
then remember a small wrought iron gate and breaking a lamp. I wonder if
Shaun is pissed off with me for breaking his lamp as he hasn't sent a text
to me today. It is good to be rid of him though, which makes me consider
what the substitute teacher said. I certainly don't want to be perceived as
a teenage whore let alone end up dead in a gutter. "Come on, let's go. Do
you want to go to Nandos? I want some cock. Um. I mean chicken!" I smile
and wink at Austin as we walk out of class. I look over my shoulder and at
the teacher, the foodie, fine diner and overall concerned human being who
raises her hand toward me. Bye. I smile.

A thousand thoughts and images begin to saturate my mind and I am taken off
guard as a hand grabs me by my shirt and whips me around with force and I
hit the wall hard, dropping my bag on the ground. I nearly slip and fall
but the wall luckily saves me from the embarrassment. Jayden still is
grasping at both my shirt and tie and has them wound up in his hand as he
first pulls me close to him and then uses his body to push me back into the
wall hard as a few buttons pop off my shirt and fall onto the concrete
floor. I can only focus on his face and the bruising around his dark eyes
as the seconds begin to pass excruciatingly slowly. I put both of my hands
against his heaving chest in an effort to push him away as I watch his arm
first extend back and then forward as it and his fist is thrust at my
face. Austin pushes Jayden from the side suddenly which causes his fist to
miss its original target. It skims the side of my bicep and then makes
contact with the wall with force. Being aware of the moment finally, I grab
Jayden in a bear hug whilst he shouts obscenities in pain. "I am sorry!" I
first shout and interlock my hands behind Jayden's back and once again
shout "I am sorry!" Jayden stops struggling and I repeat myself again as
Jayden delicately places his forehead on my shoulder and begins to weep. "I
am so sorry." I look up and see Austin's wide eyes watching the situation
unfold and watches with concern as other boys gather around. The unnamed
teacher that I will only ever know as `Miss' then comes out of the
classroom and hears me say "I am so sorry mate." The growing crowd who have
nothing better to do but gawk continue to do so as I hold my best
friend. Jayden continues to cry as I let go of him and he walks away wiping
at his eyes with his head down picking up his bag off the ground as he
leaves the building.

**

As always you can e-mail me at chezdon1997@gmail.com and tell me what you
think. There isn't long now until this saga comes to an end. I would really
like to know your thoughts!