Date: Thu, 04 Aug 2016 12:36:43 +0000
From: Chezdon <chezdon1997@gmail.com>
Subject: Innocence Waning, Chapters 20

Chapter 20

I stare at the ceiling of my room for what seems like hours but in fact are
mere minutes. Smothering my eyes with my arm cannot make me un-see the
video of Jayden getting fucked. Although I could only bare watching it for
mere seconds, my perverted imagination extrapolates the sex scene in my
mind and I allow it to play out. The mental image of Brody's uncut small
yet thick penis entering Jayden and the resulting moan that he made arouses
me. I know that I should be flabbergasted by seeing my estranged friend
take what was on offer but I am not and it instead turns me on. I try to
convert my feelings to shock but I can only begin to feel my own body. With
my eyes covered by my left arm, I use my right hand to undo my belt,
unbutton and unzip my trousers and then slip my hand onto my throbbing
hard-on. I think of screwing Jayden and then Brody and within a minute I
have cum spitting first into my belly button and then drizzling down my
erect phallus into my pubic hair. As if on cue, the air conditioning senses
that the temperature has risen in my cluttered room and kicks in, blowing
cold air on my hot body.

Carefully I begin to disrobe, being careful not to let the little fish
entombed within my semen roll down my thigh and onto my bed and further
soil my white sheets. I wipe myself with Austin's jumper making a mental
note to wash it and some of my pile of dirty clothes before I leave. As I
walk into the bathroom, I pull my underwear down however some of the fabric
briefly pulls at my arse crack. Vexed, I look at my yellow American Apparel
underwear and see what looks to be blood. My level of anxiety rises as I
ponder why I would be bleeding from the butt and at first think it would be
the result of falling on it after trying to pull off the skateboarding
trick earlier, however that couldn't be the case as my arse has hurt and
burned all day. I try hard to remember what I ate last night at Pei Modern,
but the wine I drank has encouraged me to forget. It must have been
something spicy that just did not agree with me I muse.

Before showering, I retrieve my phone from my bag and pair it with the
Bluetooth speaker in the bathroom and activate the radio. I immediately
recognise the voice of David Bowie singing about being under pressure and
think that the song could easily have been written about my life. A warm
shower which includes washing out my tender butthole concludes with me
repeating my routine of primping and preening before putting on some
previously worn black skinny jeans that I make sure do not smell before
sliding them on to my clean body and pulling on a white 5 Seconds of Summer
concert t-shirt.

My thoughts oscillate wildly and I feel the need to talk with someone about
what I saw on Brody's phone. I choose Bryce's contact card and dial him and
activate the speaker in the phone before sorting through my pile of dirty
clothes looking for some socks that do not appear to be too filthy.

After five rings, I hear a familiar voice who answers without greeting
me. "The second call in as many days. Something bad must have happened
mate." I forgot that I called Bryce just yesterday before seeing Shaun.

"Can't a guy just call his mate and say g'day from time to time?" My voice
goes up an octave as I finish the question.

I start to put on my dirty socks and I am faced with the sound of silence
coming from the phone. "Well, I saw something rather shocking that I have
to tell someone about."

"So I am the lucky person. Great." I hear a toilet flush in the background.

"You aren't talking on the phone whilst taking a shit are you?" I feign
indignation but I know I am guilty of committing this faux-pas more often
than I would like to admit. I just don't flush the toilet until the call
ends. "Gross mate!"

"I am sure whatever it is you are about to tell me will be much more
graphic than what I just deposited in the shitter. So go on and speak it."
I hear the sound of the toilet flushing again. Is it actually possible to
shit so much that it takes two flushes to get rid of it all? I don't bother
asking.

I recant the actions that played out in my room and the elevator with Brody
earlier, leaving out some of the finer details. I do articulate that I saw
a video of Jayden having sex with another guy and after I tell Bryce that
the guy who was giving Jayden the old heave-ho was in fact fourteen and
goes to Melbourne High School, the noise that Bryce makes is certainly that
of shock. "This is disturbing mate. Why did you have to tell me that?"
Bryce sounds genuinely confused and upset.

"It is shocking mate. It really is. I just needed someone to talk to about
this. I can't really call and tell Austin since he is already annoyed with
me for having too much drama in my life that adversely affects him." I
unlace one of my dirty Converse shoes enough so I can slip a foot in. "I
just don't know what to do." I begin to tie my laces in a double knot.

"So Jayden likes getting fucked by younger guys. Just file it away in the
back of your mind and move on. Why should you care anyway?" Bryce sounds
perturbed and coughs before continuing. "If a mate treated me the way that
he treated you, I would certainly not be calling him a mate let alone be
interested in his sex life." First Austin becomes matter-of-fact and now
Bryce does.

"He nearly punched me in the face today. Fortunately, Austin stopped that
from happening." I continue to educate Bryce on the details of the D-grade
soap opera that my life has become. "He has also sent me a text saying that
he wants to talk to me tomorrow in person and be honest with me about his
feelings." I start to put the other shoe on my foot, loosening the laces
during the act.

"Mate, the boy has issues and clearly wants you to be the one bumming
him. Why don't you just focus on Austin, school and cricket and don't get
sucked into this crap." Bryce certainly is wise beyond his years and offers
additional advice. "Just don't get caught with your pants down on video as
that shit my friend would go viral!" There is laughter before Bryce
continues. "Look mate, just take care of yourself as nobody else will in
the end. But I have to go now. You clowns got me in trouble after our
little party on Saturday, so I have to go to the synagogue with my mother."
Bryce sighs.

"What from staying out all night here and going home hungover?" I suppose
that would be a good reason to get punished but his parents knew that he
was staying the night. Why would he have to go to the synagogue I wonder.

"Because someone drew the swastika on my back and when I went swimming
about thirty Jewish kids and their parents saw it, so I keep getting talked
to about the Holocaust and things like that not being funny and shit like
that." I finish tying my shoe and then play with my hair, being at a loss
for words. "In a way it is funny though Chez, you should have seen the
looks on their faces. I honestly didn't know what anyone was talking about
and why all the fingers were being pointed at me and why people were
screaming words in Yiddish. Oh well, what can you do?"

"I am glad you see the funny part of it mate." I breathe a sigh of
relief. "Are you still good for lunch on Saturday mate?"

"Sure am. I will keep an eye on the news just to make sure that Jayden
hasn't killed you and also check in on Saturday morning since I know you
are prone to hangovers and memory loss mate. I really have to go. Later."
The call terminates and I deactivate the speaker on my phone. My
imagination turns from the lurid to the shock of Jewish parents seeing the
swastika drawn on Bryce's back. It didn't seem to matter that it was drawn
the opposite way, which represents prosperity and good fortune.

I take one last look in the mirror before grabbing my travel card and some
cash and shove them in my pocket before leaving the apartment. Considering
that I haven't seen my mother for three years, I feel remarkably calm as I
walk to Flinders Street Station. The train ride to Malvern is relatively
quick and without incident. Instead of sitting on one of the hard seats and
irritating my already sore arse, I prop myself against the side of the
carriage in the same manner I did earlier on the tram and fortunately
nobody on the short commute decides to chat me up.

From Malvern station, Google Maps instructs me on the path to take through
the suburban streets to my mother's terrace house. All of the houses look
pretty much the same on the tree-lined street and I quickly identify the
house that I am going to by the makeshift wooden wheelchair ramp that
covers the concrete stairs, which leads to an open red door. I am not so
rude as to just walk in this house since I don't live there, so I knock on
the open door harshly a few times and shout, "hello!"

From somewhere at the back of the property, I hear a female voice
shout. "Chezdon, come in! Do come in!"

I walk down the hallway and hear squeaking sounds as I trample on the
hardwood floor with the rubber soles of my shoes. Upon entering what
appears to be a living room, I see my mother sitting in a wheel chair. My
last memory of her was that in the throes of passion and her bare beasts
bouncing around in my current apartment, so I am relieved to find her
dressed conservatively. "Hello, Mother." I probably sound more like Norman
Bates as a newfound feeling of dread overcomes me. Conflicting emotions of
anger, hate, sadness and pity all vie for their respective places as I walk
towards my mother who has her arms outreached.

"Come here and give your mother a hug, Chezdon. I have missed you." I
haven't missed her, but I do as she requests and walk over and lean down
and give her a light hug and she pats me on the back and kisses the air
near my cheek. "You are looking like every other teenager these days, I
would have thought your good bone structure and genes would have encouraged
you to be more unique in how you present yourself."

"Whoa! After three years, the first thing you do is criticise the way I
dress?" I am stunned and Lord Voldemort must notice the look of
consternation on my face. "Maybe a compliment would be in order after
saying that?"

There is silence for a few seconds before Kelly tilts her head to her side
and looks me up and down. "You are my only son and I love you but I don't
love what you have become. Can we please address the elephant in the room
before we talk about why I wanted to see you in person?" Kelly wheels her
chair toward the large window so she can look out over the garden outside.

I sit on the arm of the nearest couch and cross my legs at my ankles. "What
is the elephant in the room, Mother?" The words sing a song as they escape
my mouth and then I clinch my teeth together.

Kelly abruptly swings her wheelchair around and points at me. "That you are
sinning in the eyes of Jesus Christ with Austin McGuire." Her face swiftly
undertakes a metamorphosis like she has been possessed and along with her
serious demeanour, it causes me to laugh. "Don't laugh damn you!"

"Firstly, mother." I roll my eyes. "I get enough religion pumped into me at
school and I don't care to listen to your ranting now. But since you
brought up Jesus Christ, your saviour never uttered a word about same-sex
relationships in the bible. If you are going to carry on about the Old
Testament saying so, those stories also said its sinful to eat shellfish
and pork and also to wear clothes woven with different fabrics." I take a
deep breath as I watch my mother's face turn red. "Oh, I bet you are going
to say the New Testament says so too. Well that is a laugh."

"Shut up and listen to me Chezdon." My mother demands.

"No, I won't shut up. Your precious New Testament refers to prostitution,
molestation or promiscuity and not committed same-sex relationships. Paul
may have spoken against homosexuality, but he also said that women should
be silent and never assume authority over a man. So why don't you follow
Paul's advice right now and shut up and move on to whatever topic you
really wanted to speak with me about. You can go back and gossip with Julie
McGuire about who Austin may or may not be fucking and who your only son
may or may not be sleeping with."

"Don't be disgusting Chezdon. Don't talk about gay sex in this house, it is
disgusting." My mother shouts and points her red manicured fingernail at me
again.

"Thanks for being honest and saying something factual finally. Where is
this bloke that you are marrying anyway? Does he like blowjobs? You know
that the mouth was not intended to do that."

"Shut up Chezdon!" Kelly shouts over me and shuts her eyes, which makes me
repeat myself.

"It wasn't intended to do that, sexuality in love should be seen as a gift
from God and not a curse. Fine, I am done if you are." I stand up and start
to walk around the room. My mother begins playing with her hair and she
wheels herself toward the dining room table as I press a few of the ivory
keys on the baby grand piano and start to look at the pictures resting on
top of the moulding surrounding the fake fireplace. I pick up a framed
photo of me that was taken when I was twelve posing with a rugby ball in my
skimpy uniform.

Kelly starts to shuffle through some papers that are resting on the
table. "Chezdon, please come here and sit." I place the photo of me back on
the mantelpiece and glance at one that was taken of my mother in front of
the Eiffel Tower. She would have travelled there sometime during the last
three years. "Please Chezdon, come here." I act obedient and like a dog,
come when called and take a seat at the dark wooden table across from my
Mother.

"Chezdon, I am dying." My mother states with a dramatic pause between each
word. "I didn't want our reunion to be so, how can I say, emotionally
charged on that other topic, so how about I just leave it at that?"

"Thanks. Sure." The reality that my natural mother will be partying in the
sky soon hits me and I feel sullen. "Yes, I have heard about your condition
and I am sorry. Is there anything I can do to make your life easier?" I am
half expecting her to say something ridiculous like not to sleep with other
men until she is dead and buried but she simply smiles and pushes some
paperwork toward me.

"These are signed power of attorney documents. There are three copies. I
need you to endorse each copy with your father witnessing you sign them and
he needs to countersign them with his solicitor which I assume will be
Melanie. Your father will then have power of attorney on your behalf for me
and my estate until you turn eighteen. The documents are already endorsed
by my attorney as I knew that Daniel and Melanie were not going to have a
civil conversation with me, so I thought this would be the easiest way to
go about this." Dumbfounded and not really grasping what I am reading on
one of the documents as I listen to my mother speak, the reality that my
Mother will die at some point hits me and I experience another wide range
of conflicting emotions.

"I really don't know what to say." Kelly looks like she has more to say so
I simply return to reading the document and the legalese. I scratch the top
of my head. "Why do this now? Why not just leave your estate to the dude
you are going to marry? It seems like a romantic thing to get married to
someone before they are going to die."

"That is the thing Chezdon, I fear he is just marrying me for my estate. If
your father has power of attorney, Melanie can make sure you can get what
is rightfully yours. I feel like I am just being coerced into it, but I am
letting it play out since I don't have anything better to do, as you would
say, besides gossip with Julie McGuire." My mother manages a smile, which
in turn makes me smile. "You have grown to be a handsome young man I must
say. I am sure there a lot of girls that would love to date you."

I shake my head from side to side. "Mother, let's not go there. We just had
a nice moment, so let's not spoil it with the gay thing." I grab the
paperwork and push the chair back. Its wooden legs drag on the hard wood
floor and produce an awkward grinding noise that sends a chill down my
spine. I return to the mantle to look at the framed photographs once
again. "God, I don't look anything like this anymore." I point at the photo
that was taken of me with my skimpy rugby outfit on.

"I reckon you have grown a foot and weigh the same. I was always concerned
you were going to grow up to be fat since you drank so many soft drinks." I
turn around and look at my mother admiring me after spewing yet another
judgemental remark. "I still brag about you to my friends. You are the only
good thing that came out of the marriage to your Father."

I turn around after picking up the photo of Kelly in front of the Eiffel
Tower and ignore her dig at Daniel. "When was this taken?" I have always
wanted to go to Paris and plan on travelling Europe during my gap year
after I matriculate from Melbourne Grammar.

At the end of the hallway, I hear a voice shouting "Hello!" and the front
door slamming shut at the same time my phone begins to vibrate in my back
pocket.

"We went to Paris before I ended up in this chair a little over a month
ago. It will be the last trip I take before I take a trip up into the sky
to be with God." I set the photo down on the mantle and turn around only to
see Shaun's eyes staring at me.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Shaun raises his voice and I look at my
mother obviously confused. "Why are you here? I think you need to get out,
now." Shaun barks.

"Shaun, calm down. Why are you speaking to my son that way? Have you lost
your mind?" My phone vibrates in my pocket again as the memories of what
happened in this house last night begin to return. As the colour disappears
from my face, I begin to tremble. My phone continues to vibrate in my rear
pants pocket which then draws my attention to my painful butthole.

I put my hand over my mouth. "Oh my god!" I exclaim.

Shaun walks toward me with his arm extended. "Chez, you need to go. Now!" I
swat his arm away.

"Don't touch me arsehole." I pick up a glass vase that was previously
resting on the mantelpiece and menacingly take a position demonstrating if
Shaun gets any closer, that I will smash the vase into his face. "Get away
from me!"

"What the fuck is going on?" My mother shouts. She then repeats
herself. "Have you lost your mind?" Shaun retreats and quickly walks down
the hallway, stopping at the room where he raped me. He opens the door and
begins to shuffle around out of sight.

"You are going to marry, Shaun?" My eyes stay fixed on the hallway and I
grasp the glass vase with so much pressure that it cracks. "He fucking
raped me."

"Oh Chezdon, you have such a wild imagination." My mother actually smiles
after hearing my revelation. "You should write a book."

Is she deranged? I just said that I was raped and she thinks it is all in
my head. Doesn't she think it is bizarre that Shaun is acting like a
lunatic after simply seeing me for what she thinks is the first time? I
walk down the hall with fire raging behind my eyes and before I can trap
Shaun in the room where he stole my virginity and smash the glass vase on
his face, he runs out of the room and quickly out the red front door and
down the street. My mother continues to shout at me however I don't
understand a word she has said as I stumble outside into the shadows being
caused by the setting sun and walk down the makeshift wheelchair ramp and
out to the street. A black Mercedes accelerates quickly away from me and
down the road, turning right and leaving me behind. I turn around and see
my mother sitting in her wheelchair with her arms outstretched. "What the
fuck did you do to him Chezdon?" She shouts loud enough for the man who is
walking his bulldog on the opposite side of the street to hear. "What did
you do?" She again shouts.

I toss the vase into the rock garden within the front yard of the house
that I will inherit at some point in the future. It shatters and the glass
sparkles as the sun continues to set. Still holding the paperwork, I
carefully fold it in half and begin walking towards Toorak. "Goodbye,
Mother." I shout the two words and following the example of both Austin and
Brody earlier in the day, I stop, turn around and raise my hand toward the
woman who gave me life. I know that I will not see her again before she is
dead.