Date: Thu, 04 Aug 2016 12:36:43 +0000
From: Chezdon <chezdon1997@gmail.com>
Subject: Innocence Waning, Chapters 21

Chapter 21

In a delirium I walk, and it is only when a fire truck with its siren
blaring speeds past me that I can comprehend the mediocrity of my
surroundings. All of the houses look the same, all of the cars parked on
the street are German and even the trees are planted at measured intervals
apart from one another. How I yearn for a predictable and what some people
would call a normal teenage life right about now where my only concern is
acne.

I remove my phone from my pocket and sit on the footpath and lean against a
brick wall. I bring my knees close to my head. After placing the cache of
folded papers next to me, I take a deep breath and lightly tap the back of
my head against the wall. Looking up into a tree gives me perspective as I
watch a bird sing its song, cock its head and then fly away. A black
Mercedes Benz drives past me however an old woman is at the wheel and not
Shaun. The elderly lady looks like the owner of the mobility scooter that I
borrowed last year and the thought makes me chuckle.

Unlocking my phone reveals missed calls from Austin, Brody and Mel, along
with messages from Austin and Mel, both of them conveying hope that
everything went smoothly with Kelly. After a protracted audible sigh, I
ring Austin.

"Hey, how are you?" Austin answers on the second ring and sounds as chirpy
as the bird that just flew from the tree. "How did it go with Voldemort?" I
sniff and a tear rolls down my cheek and on to my neck. I take another deep
breath. "Hello?"

I wipe at my eyes with my forearm and sniff again. "Yeah, I am here. It
went as I expected. More drama and hysterics and I will not bore you with
the blow-by-blow. I did my duty though." I place my arm over my eyes with
the hope of stopping them leaking as I tap the back of my head against the
wall a few more times.

Austin is chewing on some food and he swallows before speaking. "So you two
are besties now?"

I take another deep breath. "No." I wipe my eyes with my arm and then use
my shirt sleeve to absorb any additional moisture and sniff.

"Where are you? Are you coming over to Club McGuire now?" Austin begins
chewing on something again.

"Yeah, I am walking there now. I am about, um, twenty minutes away from
your place." The suburb of Malvern shares a border with the suburb of
Toorak and I assume it will take me that long to walk to Austin's. "See you
soon, do you want me to bring you anything?"

Austin continues to chew on some food and then swallows. "Can you stop at
the shop on the corner of my street and buy me a can of Dr. Pepper? I am
feeling lazy and don't want to put on my shoes." He starts the process of
chewing on food again.

"Yeah sure. Whatever you want." Knowing that Austin is smiling on the other
side of the phone makes me smile. "I will see you soon." I end the call
before Austin has a chance to swallow and say anything else. A man walking
a familiar bulldog turns the corner and walks it down the footpath towards
me. I take that as a cue to grab the folded pieces of paper next to me and
stand up. I consult Google Maps again and I learn that I am in fact exactly
twenty minutes away from Austin's house by foot, so before the dog walker
can overtake me, I jog across the street and begin to walk briskly towards
Toorak.

 Oddly I start to think about Mr Mackay and the fly in Kafka's
Metamorphiosis. Have I have devolved into filthy vermin which is simply a
receptacle for cock and the lurid desires of empty men and my shallow
peers? I ask myself quietly but I do not know the answer. My heart starts
to beat faster and I pick up my pace. Sweat beads start to form on my
forehead and upper lip and after quickly wiping them away with my hand, I
abruptly stop and say to the world in general, "fuck this!"

Reconciling all of the issues and risks in my mind and prioritising them as
how I can best take control of my life, I take out my phone and call
Jayden.

Whilst tapping my foot willing Jayden to answer, my call is diverted to
voice mail. I hang up and repeat the process, however Jayden quickly
answers this time in a gruff voice. "Yeh?"

"Hi." I pause knowing that I never planned on what to say before calling
him in haste. "I probably will not be going to school tomorrow so I just
wanted to ring and see what you want to talk about." I continue to tap my
foot on the pavement.

"Can't we do this in person? It is hard to talk about over the phone."
Jayden sounds hollow but that probably has to do with the bad
connection. "Maybe we can meet up tomorrow then?"

"Jayden, I don't want to sound like a dick, but I just need to get on with
things and resolve things one way or another. Just tell me what you have to
say. I am busy with Austin tomorrow anyway." I don't lie as technically our
much anticipated first date is scheduled for tomorrow night. I clear my
throat and sniff hard. "Just tell me what is on your mind."

"Chezdon, don't do this. Please. It is hard enough to say it and admit it
to myself." Jayden's voice is changing pitch and he sounds very
uncomfortable. I know what is coming, so I wish he would just say it so we
can deal with it and move on. It would be nice to have my best friend back,
but I know after he makes his proclamation of love, that may not be
possible. I know the boy likes taking cock up his arse so why is it so
difficult for him just to say a few sentences and let the cat out of the
bag.

"Jayden, I need to be somewhere so can you just say what you need to say?"
I continue to tap my foot on the ground and watch a woman clip red roses
from her garden as the sun completely sets in the background.

"Oh yeah, you are seeing your mother tonight aren't you?" Jayden attempts
to change the topic. "I am sure you are excited about that."

"Jayden, just tell me what you have to say. Don't worry, I will not get mad
or ridicule you. I pretty much know what you are going to say anyway, so
just spit it out." A fleeting thought that my mother is counting down
minutes until she goes toes up in a grave gives me added motivation to move
Jayden along. Shit or get off the pot or so they say. The phrase sounds
like something Bryce would come up with after flushing his shit down the
toilet twice. I need to start flushing my personal shit down the dunny more
often. "Come on." I insist.

"If you are expecting me to say that I want your hot body and that I love
you more than just a friend, you are deluded mate. You are so
self-absorbed. The planets and the stars do not revolve around Chezdon
fucking Morrison." Jayden once again sounds very confident and I am both
speechless and shocked by his sudden aggression. "You really want to know,
fine. I need to tell anyone that I have had sexual relations with that I am
HIV positive. Suck on that arsehole." Jayden ends the call.

I scream at the top of my lungs. "Fuck!" I frighten the woman cutting her
roses from the bush and she collects her things and scrambles into her
house slamming the door hard. "Goddamnit!" I kick the tree not once, but
twice for good measure. Surely, he has to be making this up. I close my
eyes and take a few deep breaths and then wipe the sweat off the back of my
neck and pat my forehead with my hand.

I start swiping on the screen of my phone as frantically as Brody did
earlier, find his missed call in my log and then ring him. He answers the
phone quickly. "So did your boyfriend ring you? Were you the one that gave
him the high five?"

"What?" I ask incredulously.

Brody shouts so loud, I could probably hear him from Richmond. "He got the
HIV from someone arsehole and it wasn't from me as he was my first."

"Oh Jesus Christ!" My mouth drops open and I start tapping my foot on the
footpath again. I feel three beads of sweat run down my back. "He isn't
lying."

"If he is, it is a fucking evil prank you prick. So do you have it?" Brody
asks.

"The only thing I ever did with Jayden is give him head once." Brody would
be able to easily detect the anger in my voice. "I do feel bad for you
mate. Sorry."

"Yeah, I am going to get tested tomorrow. Not like you would care, but I
will let you know when I get the results." Brody now sounds like a scared
boy that is afraid to go get a filling at the dentist. "Sorry Chezdon." He
hangs up.

I immediately ask Google what my chances are for contracting HIV during
oral sex and I am assured the risk is very low unless I have cold sores or
abrasions in my mouth, which I did not have at the time, or even now that I
know of. My stress levels go down a bit, but this is certainly not what I
was expecting to be told by my estranged best mate on what has officially
become the most miserable day of my young life.