Date: Sun, 18 Sep 2016 19:10:00 +0000
From: Chezdon <chezdon1997@gmail.com>
Subject: Innocence Waning 25

Chapter 25

I dutifully follow the map that was given to me by the elderly woman in the
Administration office and walk to what will be my fourth class for the day
at my new school. There have only been a handful of occasions in the last
year where I have seen my parents together for any length of time and
acting civilised, however in a rare show of unity, we all went for a late
breakfast in St Kilda before they took me to my new school, where I was
processed like a piece of cheese with a smile.

Opening the door to my Biology class and seeing the twenty pairs of eyes
being cast over me, judging me from the first second is certainly
daunting. I have never had to change schools before, and walking into a
room filled with unfamiliar people that I will either become friends with,
indifferent to and most importantly not become enemies with fills me with
angst as I hand the instructor a piece of paper and I apologise for being
tardy.

I observe boys start to whisper in my periphery and I stand up as straight
as I can and push my shoulders back as my father instructed I do which
demonstrates that I am confident and in control as the teacher begins to
speak. "Gentlemen, this morning we have the pleasure of welcoming a new
student. Would you like to introduce yourself and tell the class a bit
about yourself?" The balding instructor leans against the whiteboard and
crosses his arms.

"What?" Is all I can muster. This bloke wants me introduce myself? What do
I say that doesn't make me sound like a dickhead?

"Get used to it mate, you will be asked to do this in all of your classes,
so you can practice your speech here." Many of the boys in class laugh and
others start whispering to those they are already familiar with.

After licking my lips, I cough into my hand and begin to speak, not really
knowing what it is I should say about myself. "Hi. My name is
Chezdon. Chezdon Morrison." I pause to look at the balding teacher who is
rubbing the face of his watch on his sleeve before continuing. "My family
just moved from Sydney here permanently. No, that is not true. Let me take
that back." I cough into my hand again. "My father and I just moved here
from Sydney so that our family can be whole once more as my mother had to
start working here in Melbourne earlier in the year." I raise my hands out
wide and smile. "So life can continue now and we can get on with this
class."

"Wrong, Mr Morrison. What do you like to do for fun and what team do you
support?" A wry smile forms on the mouth of the teacher as he tilts his
head and stares at me.

"Well, I am no different than any other thirteen-year-old I guess. I like
movies, music and cricket." Everyone is staring at me like they are waiting
for me to say something profound. "Video games sometimes. You know. Nothing
too exciting."

The teacher uncrosses his arms and begins to walk toward the window. "What
team do you support Chezdon? Being from Sydney, can I assume the Swans?" I
get it now. He wants to know what AFL team I back as the football in
Melbourne is essentially a religion. There is no other code anywhere in
Australia where everyone acts so fanatically. Both friendships and enemies
will be made when I answer this ridiculous question, but the correct answer
escapes me as I don't care about the AFL, so I am left to quickly pick a
team that I know is based in Melbourne. I think back to when my father was
shouting at the television when I last saw him watch his beloved Sydney
Swans get beat in front of a capacity crowd at the Sydney Olympic Stadium.

"The Collingwood Magpies." The class erupts with vitriolic language. Only a
few boys clap and cheer and the teacher lowers his head and puts it in his
hands. Soon I will learn they are the most hated team in Melbourne and
generally not followed by posh private school boys.

When the chaos in the small classroom dies down, the teacher feels it is
time to start nurturing our minds once more and kick off the actual work
for the day. "We sit alphabetical in this class, so Mr Morrison, you can
sit behind Mr McKenzie. Jayden, please raise your hand." Jayden is the only
one in class wearing a beanie and at first this confuses me as it is not
cold either inside or out. I make my way with my bag down the gauntlet of
boys, making eye contact with some of them, including the attractive blond
boy sitting in front of Jayden as I quickly take my seat at the back of the
row.

My first class at my new school drags on as the bored instructor covers
topics that I learned earlier in the year in Sydney. When we are released
from class a few minutes early for lunch in my honour, the boys clap and
many look at me, including Jayden who stands up to collect his things and
introduces himself as he shoves a book into his bag. "Hey man, I am
Jayden. I support Collingwood too, for what it matters."

I stand up and shake Jayden's cold and clammy hand. "Want to get lunch? My
shout."

"Sure." Jayden smiles. "I don't give two fucks about that AFL shit though."
Jayden slaps the blond boy that was sitting in front of him on the back a
few times and gets his attention. "Hey Austin, do you want to go to lunch
with me and the newbie?"

Austin looks dazed and confused when asked the simple question at
first. "No thanks mate. Good to meet you though Chezdon. Can I call you
Chez?"

"Sure. Everyone does." The traffic jam of boys begins to thin out and we
start making our way towards the door. "See ya around." Austin meets up
with a red-haired boy at the door and we follow him and the mob out into
the hall, and I follow Jayden to a vending machine.

"Do you have any money?" I quickly search my pocket and pull out a five
dollar note and hand it to him. He puts it in the machine and presses a
button and a can of Coke is timely ejected. He yanks it out and hands it to
me. "You seem to be like a Coke kind of guy."

I take the can and open it and take a sip whilst he feeds the machine with
the coin that was refunded and repeats the process. "Damn right." I take
another sip and Jayden raises his open can of Coke in my direction and we
tap them together. "What should we do cheers to?"

"Not caring about the fucking AFL would be a start." We both laugh and
spend the rest of our lunch period talking about The Hunger Games, the
upcoming summer Olympics in London and how some of the boys at school are
taking the 'Kony 2012' campaign very seriously.

"Hey, do you want to hang out on the weekend and maybe show me around this
city? I have only been here for three days." Despite not eating anything
during the lunch break, I don't feel hungry and the time has passed by
quickly chatting with Jayden.

"What like a date? Should I hold your hand too mate?" Jayden cocks his head
and looks at me seriously.

My face begins to blush. "Um, fuck no!" I cough into my hand a few
times. "Just thought it would-"

"Just fucking with you. It sounds like fun mate. Give me your number." We
exchange phones. "Oh you are an Android boy. We will never get along."

"How do I use this Apple shit? It is supposed to be easy." With some effort
I figure out how to add a contact and input my relevant details and hand
Jayden's phone back to him. We fare each other well and walk off in
different directions to our respective classes.

I get used to giving my introductory speech in my remaining classes and
ultimately find it easier to crack a few jokes and really play up the fact
that I am a crazy and devoted Collingwood supporter. I enthusiastically
state to the class that I last attend that is filled with fresh faces that
I am proud to support that football club and I am the only fan that
actually has all of his original teeth, a quality that I am proud of. This
makes most of the boys laugh since it is obvious that I am being
self-deprecating. As the stereotypical Collingwood supporter is working
class and after hearing a joke about that team being associated with
rednecks and bogans earlier, I thought it would be appropriate.

The week goes by and I make new friends easier than I thought I
would. Jayden and I hang out every day at lunch and he introduces me
around. I quickly learn that I can fit in with people easily if I make fun
of Sydney and say how shit I think the city is since there is a rivalry
between Melbourne and Sydney.

Friday ultimately comes and Jayden is not at school as he told me that he
has to attend his grandmother's funeral. Once Biology class concludes and
we are released to go to lunch, I tap the blond boy that is sitting in
front of Jayden's vacant desk on the shoulder as I wait to pass. "Hey
Austin. Do you want to hang out at lunch?"

"Sure, Chez." I follow Austin outside into the spacious campus. He
introduces me around to boys that I hadn't had the opportunity to speak
with all week. Towards the end of lunch, Austin drops a bombshell. "I am
surprised that you are talking to me mate."

"Why wouldn't I want to talk to you?" Did I offend Austin? Does he think he
offended me? Did I carry on about Collingwood and crack too many jokes? I
am vexed. "I don't have a problem with you. Should I?"

"Our parents do some business together. My father is always talking about
your father and he has been really worked up since you moved here from
Sydney." Austin quickly messes up the hair on the back of his head.

"I had no idea. I really don't even know what my father does. I just know
he complains about the Chinese and he does something with Information
Technology." Austin smirks and chuckles. "Honestly, I don't know. If our
parents want to act like children, let them. We can act like adults right?"

Austin extends his hand and I shake it. "You are pretty cool, Chez. Stay
that way." Austin smiles. "I have to bugger off. I need to hang a piss
before class."

I laugh. "Thanks for the detail mate. I don't see how you can manage to use
the toilet block here."

"Why do you say that?" Austin stops and looks over his shoulder at me.

"There is always piss on the floor." I roll my eyes and adjust the weight
of my backpack on my shoulder. "Bloody animals go to this school." I give
Austin a crooked smile.

"Just the rugby players mate. However, if you hang out long enough in
there, someone will give you a blowie." Austin winks and turns and walks
off. Confused, I scratch my head and walk to my next class, tossing my
empty can of Coke in the rubbish bin.

~

"Chezdon, I don't ask you for much. Can you do this for me?" My father
nearly pleads.

"Yeah, whatever." Not wanting to go and play rugby with a group of boys
that don't even go to my school, or for that matter, I do not even know,
makes me procrastinate getting out of bed. "Just leave me alone and I will
get ready." My father leaves my bedroom and closes the door. My thoughts
return to what Austin had to say yesterday about getting off in the school
toilet. Lurid thoughts cause a physical reaction within me and I beat off
under my duvet. Images in my mind take shape. I keep seeing Jayden's face
and slim body and I pretend that he is the one touching my hard cock. With
seconds to spare, I pull the duvet and sheet off of me and blow a hot load
of cum on my chest. I then take some time to think about how much
additional seed I would shoot if I didn't have a testicle removed three
months ago. It is strange that I fondly romanticise my remaining ball. Will
I be laughed at and be called a freak for only having one when I eventually
hook up? Time will tell.

My father drives me out of the city and over the Westgate Bridge, giving me
the chance to look at the expansive parkland, lakes and go-kart track as we
cross the Maribyrnong river and head towards the western suburbs of
Melbourne. My father wants to schmooze with the parents of the boys that I
am tasked to play rugby with. "Why are we going so far out of the city?" It
seems like a logical question to ask my father.

"I am trying to get a contract with the regional airport out here to
provide the support. Some of the decision makers will be out there in the
middle of nowhere with their families. That is why." I change the frequency
on the radio as I have no interest in the incessant commentary about the
football that plays seemingly non-stop. A familiar voice is singing the
song "Call Me Maybe" but for the life of me I cannot name the artist. When
that song ends, another familiar one performed by the goofy Korean guy
beings.

"Gangham Style. Daniel, you know it. Sing along." I begin to dance in my
seat in awkwardly.

"I am your father, not Daniel." He quickly changes the radio frequency back
to the droning of the bees that are talking about the footy.

We drive for over an hour out of Melbourne and arrive at a suburb in outer
Geelong. Like Crowded House would croon about and what greater Melbourne is
known for, four seasons of weather in one day. The weather here changes
quickly and dramatically. One minute it is warm and sunny. The next it is
cold and rainy. Then it will be overcast and windy an hour later. The
never-ending changing conditions does take some getting used to. Today
however the weather changes in a wild extreme and it begins to hail, which
sends everyone off the pitch ducking for cover quickly as lightning begins
to snap, crackle and pop close by.

"Fucking hail." My father hits the steering wheel violently with his hand
after we get back into the Range Rover. "This fucking hail is going to ruin
this vehicle."

"You have insurance though don't you? Who cares?" I shrug my shoulders and
take the black hood off of my head and begin to adjust the radio frequency
again. "Maybe we can get a car that actually lets you stream music via
Bluetooth."

"I just don't want the drama Chez."

We drive back towards Melbourne and after ten minutes the ice stops being
chucked at us from the heavens above. We stop in Williamstown before
crossing the Westgate Bridge for lunch and we talk about school, the
various boys that I have met and how I am fitting in. "Yeah, it is all
right. I didn't expect to make friends so quickly." I chew on French fries
after dipping them in horseradish.

"I don't know how you can eat so much horseradish. It is disgusting." My
father chews on his hamburger and then sips from his cup of Diet Coke.

"Oh that reminds me, Jayden and I are going to hang out today if that is
okay." I pull out my phone and wait for my father to nod before sending my
friend a text message. "I am glad it stopped raining as he is going to show
me around Melbourne. Do you and mother have any plans today?"

"No, nothing really. I am just going to walk over to the Casino and watch
the footy. The Swans are playing later."

"Bloody footy, I can't escape it-"

"Do you say that you support the mighty Swans when asked?" My father asks
quizzically and slurps the last few drops of Diet Coke from his cup.

"Hell no, I say I support the mighty Magpies." My father coughs and nearly
chokes on his beverage.

"Tell me you are kidding please." He sets the cup down on the table.

"That is what I say. Go the mighty Pies." I laugh hysterically and hold on
to my chest.

"The Swans will win the final though. You need to back the winner,
Chezdon." Daniel takes another bite of his hamburger. "Anything else
interesting happen this week?"

"I met Austin McGuire." My father immediately starts coughing and it takes
some time for him to regain his composure. "He said he is surprised that I
would talk to him because I guess you and his father are feuding."

"What else did he say?" Daniel scratches his nose. "Did he saying anything
about me?"

I slurp the rest of the Coke into my mouth and swallow. "I just said I
don't know what the hell you do and I don't know anything."

"That is a good line to say whenever you are asked. Good job."

"Well, it is true." I wipe my mouth and toss the serviette onto the
table. My father follows my lead for a change. "Let's go."

We drive back over the Westgate Bridge and back towards Eureka Tower at
Southbank. Although the dark clouds linger in the sky, the sun begins to
shine down on us and through the sunroof of the Range Rover. "Honestly, I
am happy to be going home and not be sitting out on that paddock. You can
only talk business so much." Daniel turns off the radio before we lose
reception completely as we enter the parking structure.

I smile, relieved that I don't have to play the silly sport today and that
I can go see my friend. "I am just happy that I don't have to run around. I
hate running."

My father scowls and quickly glances at me before shifting up a gear and
driving up a ramp in the parking structure. "Do you want to get chubby
again mate? You aren't going to get a girlfriend if you end up chunky
again."

I feel like hitting my father and I hate him reminding me that I was
carrying extra weight before I decided to take control of my body when I
started to go through puberty in Sydney. My stomach rumbles and I feel the
horseradish that I dipped my fries in burning against my throat. "Don't
remind me." I couldn't give a fuck if the girls think I am attractive as I
hope I can eventually get members of my sex to turn their heads in awe of
my hotness.

As we enter our apartment, we are greeted by a familiar song by Enya being
played very loudly. Keys are dropped in the tray in the foyer and I follow
my father further into the apartment and into the living room. "What the
fuck?" Daniel quickly strides forward and into the kitchen. I hear horrible
words being shouted and items crashing to the tiled floor as I sheepishly
come into view of the proceedings playing out. My naked mother runs past me
stopping to pick up her clothes in the living room before disappearing
around the corner. More harsh words are exchanged and a bloke who I have
never seen before quickly jogs past me adjusting his belt and only seconds
later I hear the front door slam shut.

I slowly walk into the kitchen and see my father with both of his hands
placed on the white marble kitchen countertop. He sniffs and wipes at his
eyes quickly. "Chez, didn't you say you were going to see your friend? Can
you go? I need to speak with your mother in private." He sniffs again and
walks toward the cabinet, opens it and takes out a wine glass. Visibly
shaking, he pours cognac into the wine glass and quickly drinks the brown
liquid before refilling the glass again.

As if on cue, my mother returns and walks past me and begins to shout at my
father from the opposite side of the island in the kitchen. "Yeah that is
right. Drown your sorrows. You are a pathetic man!"

With a look of pure hate, Daniel chucks the glass holding the scotch at my
mother. The vessel hits her shoulder, bounces over it and crashes against
the black marble dining room table. "You cheating bitch!" He walks around
the kitchen island menacingly not letting my mother out of his sight. I
retreat against the window to watch, scared, not knowing what is about to
transpire.

"Chezdon, call the police!" My mother shouts and retreats back towards the
dining table and picks up a large heavy glass sculpture and throws it at my
father. It misses him my metres and smashes first against the refrigerator
door and then crashes on to the kitchen floor. Chairs are knocked over
thwarting my father's advance as Kelly runs around the table and toward the
living room, picking up another heavy glass object d'art in the
process. She chucks it at my father, but it hits the ceiling and plaster,
along with shattered glass falls rains down on to the carpeted floor.

"Chezdon, don't!" My father commands and reaches his hand first towards me
and then puts his arm around my shoulder. "You are a disgusting human being
Kelly. Just leave and go be with your lover. Who gives a shit about you
anyway."

"Come on Chezdon, pack a bag. We are going. I will meet you in the parking
structure." Kelly signals with her hand, indicating that I should follow
her and issues her final command. "Come on, let's go now!"

"I fucking hate you!" I shout at my mother and the use of the swear word
shocks her. "Go eat shit and die. Just fuck off you whore. You have ruined
my life!" I shout as loud as I possibly can. "I am in this fucking city
because of you, I left my friends and school behind because of you, all so
you can fuck some bloke. I am not stupid, I know what was happening in
here. Just fuck off, I am never talking to you again. You are the one that
is pathetic you bitch!" My father pulls me against him tight and I start to
cry.

My father and I sit at the dining room table. He puts his hand on my arm as
I hold my eyes and cry until there are no tears left to shed. Out of sight,
my mother packs a few backs and I look up just as she is wheeling them out
past the living room and toward the foyer. Our eyes meet and she stops. "I
will always love you Chezdon." I raise my middle finger towards her which
motivates her to walk off with her bags, slamming the front door as she
leaves.

"Can we move back to Sydney now? What the fuck are we doing in Melbourne?"
I sniff and then stand up, crushing glass between the soles of my shoes and
the beige carpet that has been stained by cognac.

"You know that is easier said than done Chez. My business is officially
located here now, I can't just easily move it and the people back to
Sydney."

I cautiously walk towards the kitchen, stepping on more glass, the
crunching sound sends shivers down my spine. I navigate deftly past the
Kosta Boda object d'art that was smashed into a handful of pieces on the
kitchen floor and then notice that the refrigerator door is so damaged that
it is not closing properly. I open the cabinet that has the wine glasses
and without saying anything retrieve two of them and shuffle towards the
drinks cart. My father looks at me perplexed but does not make a sound as I
retrieve the bottle of Baron Otard XO cognac and empty the contents into
the two glasses. I return to the dining room table, stepping on and over
more shards of broken glass and hand the offering to my father. Like I did
with the can of Coke earlier in the week with Jayden, I raise my glass
toward my father who is speechless but follows my lead. "To my bitch
mother. May she rot in hell. I will never speak to her again." Our glasses
chink and I drink all of the cognac in one gulp. It burns my throat as it
goes down and it does not taste good.

"We will see." My father sips at his glass. "You may be overreacting
mate. She is your mother after all."

"She, I mean, it, is dead to me."

I remove my phone from my pocket and read a text from Jayden saying that he
will be waiting for me at Federation Square at 2:00 PM. I respond saying
that I really look forward to seeing him. "Dad, I really need to get out of
here. Is it okay if I go see my mate?"

"Yeah, that is fine. I obviously have some things that I need to sort
out. Go out and have some fun. Try to relax." Daniel finishes the last of
the cognac and places the glass gently on the marble table before standing
up and giving me another hug. "I am sorry mate. I really am." He squeezes
me tight again briefly before I walk away and leave the warzone that our
apartment has become behind.

~

"Hey Chez!" I hear my name being shouted behind me. I turn around and see
Jayden walking towards me holding two large cups of Slurpee that he has
purchased from the 7-11. "Here you go mate, it looks like you need one of
these."

I happily accept the large cup of Coke-flavoured ice and greedily slurp
from the straw if only to get the foul taste of cognac out of my mouth. I
have to wince and hold the back of my head to let the brain freeze pass
which gives Jayden a fair amount of time to chuckle and make fun of me
before I can properly greet him. "Hey Jayden."

He looks me up and down and I begin to feel self-conscious. "I didn't know
you liked Rugby so much." It then occurs to me that I am still wearing the
sports kit from earlier. With all of the drama taking place at the Morrison
homestead, it never occurred to me to change into something more socially
acceptable.

"Oh fuck." I begin to blush and sit down in the public area, placing my cup
of slushed ice between my feet. "What a laugh, hey? It has just been an
action-packed day and I just forgot to change." I drop my head and take an
interest in tapping the cup with the side of my shoe.

Jayden sits next to me and I can feel the warmth from his leg as it touches
mine. He takes a long and protracted slurp. "What is wrong mate? I know we
haven't been mates for long, but you can talk to me if you want."

I happily accept the invitation and tell Jayden every detail that my young
eyes saw and my ears heard after arriving home earlier today. Like the
radio commentary of the footy, I leave no detail out of my story and even
educate Jayden as to why we moved to Melbourne and my utter disappointment
with life at the moment. When the words stop freely flowing from my mouth,
tears well up in my eyes again and I quickly wipe at them.

"Jesus. That is awful mate. I don't know what to say." Jayden continues to
slurp his drink. "I am sorry." He puts his arm around me and pulls me into
him briefly before letting go and returning to his drink.

I sniff. "What pisses me off the most though is something that my father
said to me earlier. I have never told anyone this so please don't tell
anyone." I pause and watch Jayden stop slurping however he lets the plastic
straw rest in his mouth and he begins to chew on it. He watches me
obviously wondering what I could say above and beyond what has already been
uttered that would actually piss me off more. "My father started talking
about how in Sydney I used to be chubby and just reflecting upon what I
look like and what I eat."

"You aren't fat or anything." Jayden looks at me up and down, the straw
still protruding from his mouth.

"Up until recently, I would just throw up whatever I ate, unless it was
breakfast." This confession makes Jayden cough and then spit some frozen
Cola onto the ground which attracts the attention of some of the tourists
in the area. "Yeah, I know, it is awful. I ate a bunch of junk food for
lunch and I intended to throw it up when I got home but with all of the
fucking drama that played out, I didn't get a chance."

"So you basically just saw your mother fucking someone else and you just
think about spewing your lunch?" The comparison when verbalised does sound
ridiculous and I feel ashamed. "Man, I knew Sydney was an awful place but
it has really fucked you up! Maybe you should see someone about this."

I look up at Jayden and he is smiling. "You will be fine Chez. Just promise
me that you will stop doing that crazy vomiting shit and start exercising
or something. Go for a run. Just do anything besides spew up your food."
His smile morphs into a very serious expression and he points his finger at
me with authority.

"Fuck, I hate running and exercising. I sweat like a pig!" I am happy to
offer up an apt description of what I hate most about the mechanics of my
body, thinking if I justify myself it will give me a pass of sorts. The
look on Jayden's face doesn't change. "Okay, so much for excuses. Fine. I
will make a pact with you that if I feel like throwing up my food, I will
go for a run instead. It is the Federation Square agreement of 2012." I
look at Jayden and smile.

"Don't just talk out of your arse, Chezdon. I don't want you to die. You
are too cute to die." Jayden clears his throat. "You will deprive the
ladies of your beauty and I can't have that happen."

"I promise mate, I will start running!" I raise my voice and
continue. "Thanks though for listening to my shit." Jayden puts his arm
around me again and I feel the warmth of his body against mine. I rest my
head on his shoulder and stare at the cup of Slurpee that is dangling in
front of my face and take a deep breath and sigh. "What should we do now?"

Jayden adjusts his body, contorts his head and quickly kisses me on the
lips which causes me to jerk aback nd quickly stand up. I laugh nervously
and search for something to say and I can only think of one word. "Fag!" I
blurt out and laugh. I quickly realise that wasn't the best word to use,
especially since I know that I am one and try to back-peddle. "I don't care
though mate. You will always be my friend." I smile exposing my retainer
which quickly disarms Jayden as it looked like he was about to stand up and
sprint away. Someday I will tell Jayden I am a fag myself. I am ready to
admit it if he asks me and vow that if he ever does, I will tell him the
truth. For now, not all secrets can be divulged whilst drinking Slurpees in
Federation Square.

~

I come out of my self-induced trance with a jolt. Boys around me are
shouting my name. "Chezdon!" Someone else shouts. "Are you okay? Chezdon!"
Before bothering to acknowledge the people around me over the deafening
noise, I take one last moment to think about how I met Jayden and I quietly
wonder if I reacted differently three years ago when he kissed me so
innocently how things would be different now. I can't help but imagine that
I would not be sitting on a kerb with a helicopter hovering overhead.


****

A/N... Originally I didn't plan on doing a flashback chapter and bridging
it with the current timeline. I just had the thought when I was drinking
the other day and it seemed like a good way to answer some questions and
put everything in perspective, especially after all of the drama that
played out in the last five chapters. As always, I am always keen to get
your thoughts and feedback, good bad and indifferent, so do e-mail me at
chezdon1997@gmail.com