Date: Fri, 10 Mar 2017 17:18:14 +0000
From: Chezdon <chezdon1997@gmail.com>
Subject: Innocence Waning Chapter 27

Chapter 27

I lean against the wall of the guest bathroom. Before my knees buckle,
gravity gradually forces my body toward the floor. My back slides against
the wall, pulling my shirt up and my exposed bare back rubs against the
white paint until my sore arse rests on the cold tiled floor. I toss my
phone onto the tiles and it slides under the sink and rebounds off the
wall. I begin to tap the back of my head against the plaster repeatedly,
humming in time with drumming of my head. What has my life become? Nobody
should have to live this way.

After glancing at my shoes that I left near the toilet earlier, I slowly
stand up. I catch my reflection in the mirror and I decide that I look
haggard. Lack of sleep has left dark bags under my eyes. My cheek looks
like it was hit by the blue car on St Kilda Road earlier and I feel
fortunate that my arsehole of a father didn't break my face wide open
leaving any permanent damage. I should have hit him. I shake my head whilst
I ponder what I should have done. It is always easier with the benefit of
hindsight to either do a noble or even a heroic thing. Or even the right
thing. I should have smashed the bottle of vodka over his head. I should
have answered my phone when Jayden rang. I should have answered the phone
when Mel rang. I should have listened to my voice mail messages earlier. I
should not procrastinate. I continue to list all the things that I should
have done over the last week in my head and I feel like I am on the verge
of either hyperventilating or passing out. I would much prefer the latter
and just sleep for a week. A month of sleep I then think would be
nice. Perhaps even a year a year on my back being left alone. My green eyes
seek out their reflection in the mirror once again. I contemplate how much
easier it would be just to walk out onto the balcony and jump off it. It is
another first for this horrible week. It is the first time in my life I
have even briefly thought how easy it would be to commit suicide. But like
Alcoholics Anonymous, I remain resolute in my belief that suicide is for
quitters. I am not a quitter. I am a survivor. I am a leader and goddamnit,
I am going to get control over my life. I promise myself as I stare into my
own bloodshot green eyes.

My phone begins to vibrate on the cold urine-stained floor. "Finally,
shit." I curse and then bend down to retrieve it. Hopefully this will be
some news that will allow me to move forward and it enables me to take the
first step to getting some sort of control over my life again. Whomever is
ringing me is not in my contact list so I simply answer the call with a
blasé tone. "Hello, this is Chezdon."

"Hello Mr Morrison, this is Petra from Nobu Restaurant at Crown Casino. I
just wanted to call and confirm your booking tonight for two at the sushi
bar at 6:00 PM." I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Tonight, is
supposed to be my official `date night' with Austin. I completely forgot
with all the shit going on in my young life, I wonder if I should even
bother with any sort of date now. After I do not reply, Petra speaks
again. "Mr Morrison, are you there?"

"Yeah, sorry. I am here." I walk towards my father's bedroom. "Yeah, I can
confirm that booking, I look forward to it." Crossing the threshold of
Daniel's room, I yank open the drawer to his mirrored bedside table.

"Great, thank you Mr Morrison. Will you be needing us to arrange parking-"
Preoccupied, I hang up on Petra before she finishes asking her question and
return the phone to my back pocket. I begin to rifle through the drawer
that I should be very familiar with considering how many times I have
visited it in the past week. I grab the stack of cash that I previously
returned to my prick of a father's drawer earlier in the week and shove it
all in my pocket. He will pay for striking me.

I feel a sense of relief that at least I have an option and potentially
something to look forward to this evening even if it means going to dinner
by myself. One small step towards taking control back over my
life. Something good must come out of this fucked up day and raw fish will
certainly put a smile on my face. There is no point in languishing around
here sulking or waiting for the phone to ring for an update on Jayden. Life
must go on. For some it naturally doesn't sadly and I again hope that when
the news reported that a man was killed earlier, they indeed meant a man
and not a teenage boy.

After staggering back into the living room, I see the extent that the
carpet his been stained by wine. Broken shards of glass shimmer in the
sunlight that is flooding into the apartment as sun gradually rises further
in the sky, I scratch my head and consider what to do next. My chain of
thought is interrupted by Austin. "Well then." I turn to face Austin whilst
rubbing the right side of my face that my beloved father struck. "That was
intense. I don't know what to say."

Malcolm remains silent and sits with his hands interlocked and stares out
the window. While he is left to contemplate the dysfunctional Morrison
household, I begin to speak erratically and quickly. "Austin. I really
don't know mate. I really don't know. That was fucked up. I am sorry that
you had to witness that." I release an audible sigh.

"What I am sorry about, and what I am still getting my head around, is that
your father actually admitted to organising the home invasion. Fuck, it is
now our word against his, but I am at a bit of a loss about what to do. I
think I should just go home." Austin stands up and avoids stepping on glass
and walks toward the window and stares out toward the Melbourne skyline. "I
don't know what to think anymore. I think I need a Valium."

"Mate, don't go. I need you right now. I think we need each another." I
walk behind Austin and announce that I am next to him by placing my hand on
his shoulder. As soon as I touch him he jerks away from me. "Don't be like
that. You can't tar me with the same brush-"

Austin interrupts me and raises his voice as he turns to face me. Malcolm
turns his attention to us and finds what is playing out to be more
interesting than the view. "Maybe not you, but Mel would have been in on
it." I can smell his bad breath and when he says the name of my soon-to-be
stepmother, a small amount of spittle hits my nose.

With the status of my relationship with Austin now in jeopardy, I blurt out
the first thing that comes to mind. "Mel said she will be back here
shortly, so let's confront her about it. I obviously need to tell her what
my father did here to me, to us, and what he said. Hell, we need to tell
her about what he did. All of us need to. We need to tell her what he
admitted to. It is horrible and you must know that I am on your side. Just
don't unjustly tar me with the same goddamned brush. I extend my arms
slowly and place my hands gently on Austin's shoulders. This time he
doesn't manoeuvre himself away from me. He continues to stare at me like he
is absorbing everything, like a sponge resting on muddied water. "I can't
lose you."

"Just don't say anything about tar and brushes again or else you will make
me crazy. If you say another stupid idiom I may go berserk and you had
better hurry and get me some wine or else I may change my mind and fuck
off." A hint of a smile forms on Austin's face before he turns again and
stares out of the window. "Wine or Valium and I don't have any right now,
so you had better give me some wine." I quickly about-face and walk towards
the kitchen, avoiding the shards of glass scattered on the soiled carpet.

I pick up the bottle of vodka that my father previously dropped. After
unscrewing the lid, I set it and the bottle down in front of Malcolm. "Here
you go mate. Drink up. Sorry that you had to see all of that shit." I
continue my journey into the kitchen and retrieve new Riedel glasses from
the cabinet and one of the bottles of red wine that normally would be off
limits from the wine refrigerator. I return to the living room just in time
to hear the front door slam again. I hold my breath hoping not to see my
father walk in from the foyer and into the living room. I would much rather
get a dressing down by Mel for partying all morning instead of getting into
a brawl with the senior Morrison, it goes without saying.

All our eyes are fixed on the woman that turns the corner who in turn is
startled to see teenagers in the apartment. Our cleaner who expected to
find the apartment empty is obviously at a loss for words after her eyes
notice the glass fragments and wine stains that litter the living
room. "Hello Mr Chezdon. How are you?"

Why I feel like I am being judged confuses me and I quickly snap out of my
delirium. "Hi, yeah. There is no school today and we had an accident a few
minutes ago, sorry." I extend my hand and wave toward the mess of glass and
wine stains with my free hand whilst I think of the blue car that would
have hit Jayden and wonder if that is considered an accident. "If you can
attend to this, I would be grateful. We are going to go to my room as not
to get in your way." I quickly glance at Malcolm before walking toward my
bedroom and the boys follow me. The cleaner is left in the living room with
a massive frown on her face and her hands placed squarely on her hips. "Oh
wait!" I shout from the corridor. I quickly walk past Austin and hand him
the bottle of wine and glasses and shuffle past Malcolm. I use my phone to
take photos of the destruction that Daniel left. "Believe it or not we
didn't do this. I am just taking some photos to show Melanie. I am so
sorry." Without making eye contact with the cleaner, I re-join Malcolm and
Austin in the hallway and they follow me into my bedroom.

"This is just so awkward, I really don't know what to say dude." Malcolm
takes a swig from the bottle of vodka and sits on the chair near my
desk. Austin hands me the wine bottle and the two glasses. He flops
backwards onto my bed. His head quickly finds my pillow and he crosses his
legs at his ankles. I quickly pour a glass of wine and hand it to Austin
who snatches it from me. A few drops of wine spill onto my bed and he
enjoys two gulps. I take a quick swig of the wine from the bottle before
setting both it and my own glass on my desk. Malcolm contorts his head and
stares at the poster that depicts the band members from 5 Seconds of Summer
who are all making goofy faces.

"I will be right back, let me get our bags so she can clean properly." I
walk back into the living room. The cleaner is not there and I suspect that
she is in the kitchen. A feeling of relief overwhelms me as I did not want
to engage in yet another awkward conversation with her. I feel guilty
leaving her to clean up the mess that Daniel made that she assumes that we
are responsible for. Who cares really though. I find Austin's bag and open
it. I quickly locate the box of Oxycontin that I shoved inside not long
ago. I again liberate two white pills from their foiled protective cells
and shove them into my pocket. After placing the box of prescription pain
killers back into Austin's bag, I retrieve all our bags and retire to my
room, shutting my bedroom door behind me.

Austin and Malcolm are whispering and stop as soon as they see me walk into
the room. "You don't have to talk behind my back you know. I know this is
fucked up." I place all of our bags near my desk and proceed to pour a
glass of wine. Austin smells the wine in his glass from the comfort of my
bed and Malcolm swirls the vodka around gently in its clear glass bottle.

"Are you okay?" Austin asks.

"Who me? Fuck me. What about you? I am so sorry Austin." I take a long
drink from my glass and decide not to comment on the physical pain that I
am feeling inside my mouth, my face or my arse or foot for what it
matters. "It is time to sort out that prick though."

Both Malcolm and Austin watch me intently as I set my glass on the desk and
retrieve my phone. I ring Mel however quickly learn that her phone is
switched off. She must me in court in front of the judge. I then call the
Eureka tower building concierge. After a few rings, the concierge answers
and announces who he is and asks how he can help me. "Hi Mate, this is
Daniel Morrison in unit 7205. Does the building have a preferred locksmith
that you can recommend?" I pretend to be my father. Malcolm raises his
eyebrows as he brings the lip of the bottle of vodka into his mouth yet
again.

"Why yes, Mr Morrison. Hello. Please hold for a moment and I will get you
the details of the guy that we recommend. I saw him earlier in the
building. He may be here now. Are you locked out?" The friendly concierge
called Saul says. His voice is soothing and makes me feel a sense of calm.

"No, I am not, thanking Christ." Adding a word of blasphemy will certainly
make this bloke think I am indeed Daniel Morrison. "I lost a set of keys
and do not want my unit compromised. There is no immediate urgency really."
Being able to emulate how my father would speak at first impresses me but
that quickly leads to a sense of disappointment. I don't want to be like my
father anymore. "How are you today mate?" I ask, not really caring, like my
father would.

"I am fine, Mr, Morrison. Thank you for asking." Austin smiles and sips his
wine. Malcolm begins to look at the souvenirs and other trinkets that sit
on my desk that always remind me of happy times. "Hold on for a moment and
I will get you that number." I wait a matter of seconds and watch Malcolm
inspect the photo that I have on my desk of Jayden and I. It isn't long
before the concierge begins to speak again. "Should I e-mail you the
contact details for the locksmith?"

"No, don't bother. Just give me the details, I will write it down." I
quickly look at my desk and can't find a pen. I make a hand motion towards
Malcolm indicating to hand me his phone and he complies. The voice on the
other end provides a name and as I bring up the dialling application on
Malcolm's phone, Saul begins to convey the mobile number for the tradesman
and I key it into the phone. "Is there anything else I can do for you Mr
Morrison?"

"No, that is it. Thank you though. I hope you have a great weekend." He
wishes me the same and terminates the call. I dial the number for the
tradesman on Malcolm's phone and gently place my phone on my desk. I pick
up my glass of wine and listen to the ringing sounds. Finally, a voice
answers that has a noticeable rural Aussie accent which causes me to grin
and I adjust my speech pattern to match. "G'day Mate. I am in Eureka Tower
and the concierge suggested that I ring you as I want to get the locks on
my unit changed."

"Yeah mate, no worries." The bloke only known as Shane says with an
inflected drawl. "Can do ya next Tuesday unless you are home how as I am in
your building."

"Mate, that would be great. Today I mean. I am in the building. When are ya
thinking?" I take a sip of wine. Austin scratches his crotch which
distracts me.

"Mate, I can do it in fifteen minutes once I finish this job. I will need
$350 cash. Will that be a problem?" I touch the wad of money hidden in my
pocket behind my cotton trousers and smile, moving my eyes from Austin's
privates. Austin cocks his head and stares at me with a quizzical look and
sips wine from the glass. "What unit are you in mate?"

"Mate, that is fine. I am in unit 7205. I was just leaving to take my
missus to the airport but my son is here. I will give him the funds and he
will be here to sort it out. Is that okay with you?" I sip wine in turn and
listen to Shane presumably take a drag on a cigarette and exhale smoke
before replying.

"Yeah that is fine. Money talks." Shane coughs. "Tell him I will be there
in fifteen. I can only give you four sets of keys though right now. If you
need more, I can bring them around on Tuesday but that will cost ya too."

"Four sets are fine mate. Great. Thanks. I will let my son know."

"What is your son's name?" It sounds like Shane is taking another drag on
his cigarette. He exhales the smoke into the mouthpiece of his phone.

"Chezdon mate."

"Chez-what?"

"Chezdon. He will be here. I must go. If anything changes just ring me on
the number I am calling you from."

"Okay whatever. I will get it sorted mate. Thank you." Shane ends the call
and I hand the phone back to Malcolm.

"Just answer the phone if it rings. I want to get this sorted." I drink the
rest of the wine in my glass and reach for the wine bottle and begin to
pour another round. "It is time to get control over this fucked up
situation."

"I guess you are locking us in. That makes me feel safe. We could just go
to my house. Your father isn't going to turn up there. Don't you think this
is a bit excessive?" Austin offers his insight and clasps his hands behind
his head. "I don't think this is going to turn out well."

"Do you think I want that prick to come back and go berserk again? I don't
want that maniac back in here knowing what he did to you and your
family. What he also did to Mel. Hell, what he did to me." I sit on the
side of my bed, taking the strain off the backs of my legs.

Malcolm takes another swig of vodka, closes his eyes tightly, coughs and
shakes his head. "What did the prick do to Mel?" Either the alcohol is
loosening up Malcolm or after witnessing the bull in the China shop
earlier, he feels that since I am referring to my father as a prick, it
isn't disrespectful for him to do so also.

"He smacked her too." I give the bandage on my foot a cursory glance and
not seeing any blood, abruptly stand up on my toes and walk towards my
bathroom. I hear the vacuum cleaner roar to life in the distance. "Shocking
hey." I yell.

"The prick!" Malcolm explodes. "He should be taught a lesson."

I take a deep breath and turn on the light in my bathroom. I immediately
see that the right side of my face is slightly discoloured and swollen. I
move my jaw in a circular motion and ascertain that there is nothing wrong
with it even though it is sore. I raise my voice again whilst I poke at the
area of my face where Daniel struck me. "He has the cancer so that will
teach him a lesson." I turn on the tap and splash water on my face. After
drying my hands, I retrieve the white pills from my pocket, toss them both
into my mouth and then begin to suckle water directly from the tap, forcing
the pills comfortably into my battered body. Turning the faucet off
provides me with a few seconds of silence to contemplate the events that
played out over the last hour. Mel seems like she is on my side, but what
if she was in on this home invasion shit too? What if she goes berserk
about the power of attorney that I gave to Kevin McGuire? What if my father
goes ape-shit and burns down the building when he eventually returns and
can't get access to the apartment? More questions than answers buzz around
my head like vultures wanting to devour my corpse. Maybe I should have
thrown myself off the balcony earlier and then they could have free reign,
I lament. I remind myself that I have still have some control. I am not a
quitter. I am `a Morrison' as my father often reminds me. I can do
anything.

"Chez, the cleaner wants you." Austin says with some urgency. I walk on my
toes like a velociraptor around the corner and find the cleaner standing in
the doorway of my bedroom.

"Mr Chezdon, Shane is here asking for you." She walks away and I follow
her. She has a bucket centrally placed in the living room and quickly
returns to her knees and begins to scrub the wine stains on the carpet. I
continue past her and walk into the foyer to meet Shane.

"Hey Shane." I greet him in a high-pitched regional drawl matching his,
attempting to change my voice from when I last spoke with him on the
phone. "My father said you were coming mate."

"Right." Shane looks me up and down as he stands in the doorway holding a
toolbox. He pulls a phone from his pocket with his free hand and inspects
it. "Are you Chezdon?" He pauses whilst looking at his phone. "What is your
mobile number?"

I rattle off my mobile number whilst he looks at the screen. Austin then
appears in the foyer and leans against the wall.

"Right. Tell me again." Shane is ready this time to add my phone number to
his phone after setting his box of tools on the floor.

I repeat my mobile number and he inputs it into his phone. Malcolm appears
in the foyer with my vibrating phone and hands it to me. "Do you want
this?"

"Oh shit. I thought you were having me on there for a minute mate. I just
wanted to make sure your Dad really did ring me and it wasn't you. No
worries though mate." He would have been comparing the number I rang him
earlier with and my number. I feel that I am a clever dick since I rang
Shane from Malcolm's phone. A small win for the day and one step closer to
getting control of my life back. "Right, do you have the money?"

I pat the noticeable wad of something in my pocket. "Sure, do mate. $350
just for you." He looks toward my pocket and at first think he is eyeing my
crotch.

"Cool, I will get to work then. Give me five minutes and I will have this
sorted out." Shane bends down to open his box of tools and I attempt to
walk as normally as possible past Austin and then Malcolm and finally back
into the living room where the cleaner is slowly brushing chemicals into
the carpet.

I lean against the glass window, raising my leg and placing my injured foot
against the cool glass behind me. Malcolm quickly grabs me. "That freaks me
out, don't do that, mate." I quickly thump my body back and forth against
the glass, producing a dull noise. "Don't!" Malcolm exclaims. "What is
wrong with you?" Malcolm grabs me and pulls me away from the window and I
chuckle. "I don't even like being close to these windows. Don't do that."
Austin scratches at his right nipple and I lick the inside of my dry mouth,
turning my attention to the cleaner.

"Are the stains going to come out?" I query but there is no response. She
continues to scrub at the carpet. "Elvira, are the stains going to come
out?" I repeat my question.

"Yes, Mr Chezdon, they will. I need time." She continues to scrub without
looking at me.

Shouting suddenly erupts from the foyer. I quickly look at Austin and then
at Malcolm. The familiar booming voice of my father resonates through the
apartment and I begin to tremble. Most of the words that I hear being
shouted are profanities and Shane is matching the volume and the frequency
of the swearing. "Oh fuck." I freeze. I don't know what to do next and run
my hand through my damp hair. Malcolm runs presumably towards my room and
Austin darts behind me and places his arms on my shoulders. "Oh fuck." I
repeat again. Shouting continues and I hear a demand for payment at the end
of a long diatribe of swear words. My father communicates more abuse and
finally comes into view in the foyer before telling Shane to `fuck off'.

"What the fuck, Chezdon?" Daniel turns to glare at me but he doesn't
advance surprisingly. Elvira continues to scrub the wine stains on the
carpet and doesn't seem phased and continues to mind her own business. It
is like she is lost in her own world. Austin puts his forehead on the back
of my shoulder and grasps me with more power.

Desperate, I yell my next statement as loudly as I can. "Shane! Don't go he
is going to kill us!" My voice breaks when I say the word `kill' and
fortunately Shane hears it and shouts something at my father from the
entrance of the apartment. I find it impossible to understand what he said
with his regional accent.

My father turns his attention towards Shane again and points his finger
menacingly at him. Shane is still out of sight and around the corner. "You
can get the fuck out of here mate. Just fuck off."

Malcolm jogs back into the living room, but this time he is holding the
bottle of vodka. Daniel repeats his request to Shane to depart using harsh
and vitriolic words. Malcolm in turn matches the volume of my father and
shouts a single word in his direction. "Oi!"

The lonely two-letter word gets my father's attention and Malcolm repeats
it. I hear Shane once again ask to be paid. "Just fuck off arsehole!" My
father once barks at Shane but doesn't take his eyes off of Malcolm. "Fuck
you. What are you going to do, hit me with that bottle? You will rot in
jail if you do boy." Daniel leers at Malcolm.

"You can stand there and make threats arsehole all you want. You beat up
women and children and you think your shit doesn't stink?" I watch Malcolm
strengthen his grip on the neck of the bottle, emulating the action that my
father made with it earlier, gently swinging it by his side. He stands in
the way of Daniel getting to me or even Austin. Strangely, Elvira continues
to scrub the carpet like nothing is happening around her.

I finally find my voice amongst the chaos just as my father turns his
attention towards Shane. He starts yelling again and pointing his finger at
him. "I did your coke!" I cry. Daniel continues swearing at Shane, so I
repeat myself and shriek at a volume that I didn't know I could
achieve. This gets my father's attention and I repeat it again. "I did your
coke! You are an arsehole for hitting Mel you know. You really think she
took your drugs? What is wrong with you?" It is then I remember what my
mother said to Daniel before she fled this apartment three years prior. I
uttered the keyword to my father earlier. At the time, I didn't realise
that I was channelling my scorned mother, and for the first time I know
that she was right in her assessment about her ex-husband. "You are
pathetic." Daniel lowers his head and once again transforms his face into
that of a demon as he looks up at me with his head cocked to the right. He
briefly feels the area on his neck that is covered by the white bloodied
bandage. Malcolm has taken a defensive position that reminds me of how he
would look on the pitch after a scrum is packed in a game of rugby however
now he wields the glass bottle menacingly and not a silly ball. Elvira
curiously continues to scrub the carpet and has no interest in what is
happening around her.

"Fuck me." My father holds raises his arms showing us collectively the
palms of his hands. The weight of my words obviously has sunk in and he
realised that he beat up Mel for no good reason. Or at least that is what I
am left to assume. Maybe he has realised that she was just protecting
me. Shane again starts shouting at my father. He is demanding payment for
the time he has spent providing services. Once again, Daniel turns and
points his finger at him and bellows horrible names at him. Everyone
overhears Shane proclaim that he is going to call the police.

"Thank Christ." Austin whispers into my ear and wraps his arms around me so
tight, it makes it difficult to breathe. "This is so fucked. It is so out
of control. We should have left earlier."

"I will get you your money mate. Just relax. Don't ring anyone." Daniel
says calmly and begins walking toward Malcolm, who he must pass to get
further into the apartment. Malcolm who at first was holding the neck of
the bottle at the side of his body, raises it over his head as my father
begins to advance. He suddenly stops. "Just relax, mate. Calm down." My
father again puts his hands out so that we can see his palms in an effort
to now diffuse the situation that he started.

"I am not your mate." Malcolm hisses. "You beat women. You are a cunt. This
is a cunt of a situation and I just want to go home." Tears start to fall
from Malcolm's eyes and he wipes them away with his unencumbered arm.

"You can all get fucked, especially you and your family Austin." Austin
squeezes me tighter from behind as Daniel leers at us. Austin forces his
nose into my neck. He is shaking, but not as much as I am. Daniel searches
his pocket whilst Shane demands his $350 in cash immediately again from the
safety of the doorway however he is ignored and my eyes meet those
belonging to my father. "Remember when you asked me why your mother and I
never gave you a sibling when you were just a child?"

I am not sure if a response is expected but I slowly move my head up and
down. Malcolm looks back at me and then returns to his defensive position,
eyeing my father. "Yes."

"I told you that perfection is only made once." The brief period of silence
in the apartment is interrupted by Shane shouting about monies owed and
stating once again he is going to ring the police. "I know that I am dying
Chezdon." He swiftly places his fingers on top of the bandage affixed to
his neck before returning the same hand to his depths of his pocket. "I am
going to Vegas. I am going to party. I am going to fuck whores. I don't
need this happy families bullshit drama and honestly I really don't give a
shit that you gave away my money to that cunt of a mother of Austin's." The
demonic look on his face returns. He pauses to fumble around in his pocket
again before pulling out a small plastic bag, which he tosses on the floor
near Malcolm. "I never wanted a kid, which is why I got the snip. I got a
vasectomy, after you arrived, you know that. I didn't want any more kids
because and at first I didn't want you. Luckily you grew up being more like
me and I learned to love you."

"Really, mate? You are a cunt." Everyone hears Shane out of sight, which
antagonises my father once again and he begins shouting insults.

"Oi!" I howl. "Oi!" My father diverts his attention back to me as he
responds to the simple word again like Pavlov's dog. "I always wanted to be
like you dad but you are just a woman beater. You are just a cunt. You are
pathetic."

Like a red rag to a bull, Daniel advances when the word `pathetic' is
said. I have found the word enrages him and subconsciously it seems I like
to use it to stir him up regardless of the consequences. Whether it is
because it was the choice word that my mother used to demean him or he
subconsciously does realise that he is indeed pathetic, he rushes toward me
like a madman. Malcolm charges toward my father blocking him and I back up
in fear, pushing Austin back hard against the glass window. Malcolm then
strikes my parent with the glass bottle and it hits him on the
shoulder. Malcolm then shoulder charges Daniel which sends him backwards
into the wall. Malcolm quickly scampers backwards and takes up his previous
defensive position. Austin desperately pushes me forward, putting some
space between him and the window and I break from his embrace, leaving him
in my wake.

"Malcolm!" I slur. "Malcolm!" I repeat and then clear my throat and look at
my father who has regained his footing and is standing tall. Shane has
advanced far enough into the foyer so that I can see him. "It is okay mate,
just relax." I put my hand on Malcolm's shoulder. He tenses up and then
after looking at me with bloodshot eyes, he relaxes and shuffles to the
side so I can pass him and walk towards my father. "So, this is what it has
become. You insinuate you are dying, beat up those who are close to you,
those who love you and then you say all this shit to me? This has been a
fucked week for me and I am a kid." I gradually raise my voice without
realising it. "My best friend was hit by a car today. He could die." I
snort back mucous and wipe at my eyes. "My mother is going to die and now
you are going on about dying. What the absolute fuck? Then you claim that
you never wanted me? You put me through all this goddamned hardship. You
really are just truly pathetic. What you did to Austin's family is
unforgivable," I utter, not expecting an answer. It gives me motivation to
continue as both Shane and Daniel stare at me. "Now you are going to run
off to Vegas to party. Maybe do yourself in. You are a selfish cunt." My
voice continues to increase in volume as I approach my father. "A pathetic
selfish cunt. You know what, fuck you!" I yell the words and point my
finger at Daniel.

The man who gave me life quickly glances at Shane before his eyes dart back
and offer the menacing look of hatred towards me. "Hardship?" Daniel asks
and then chuckles demonically. "What hardship? You have had a great
life. Don't act like you are so hard-done by. Grow some balls and man-up
and stop acting like a baby. Oh shit, I forgot you only have one
ball. Sorry." My father rolls his eyes and shoves his hands back inside his
pockets. He looks at the small plastic bag on the floor only inches from my
foot. "There you go Chez." He quickly pulls his right hand out of his
pocket points at the small bag. "Go on, get high. Complain about all your
hardships. You pussy. You big baby."

This time I am the one that sees red. I turn around and liberate the bottle
of vodka from Malcolm's hand. In one fluid motion, I throw it as hard as I
possibly can at my father, but it misses and smashes when it hits the
framed painting mounted on the wall only inches from his head, shattering
glass. Vodka and glass from not only the bottle but also the painting flies
everywhere. I advance toward Daniel with all the rage I can muster and hit
him as hard as I can with my clenched fist whilst knowingly stepping on
shards of glass. I target the bandage on his neck, as the red dot on the
white gauze acts like a bullseye and I connect. He collapses briefly to his
right, wailing, and as I prepare to hit him again, he sucker-punches me on
the nose which makes me stumble backwards towards Malcolm who grabs me and
keeps me upright. I quickly wipe my nose with my hand and see a red streak
on both it and my wrist. Seeing my own blood I shout. "Hardship!" I then
proclaim for all to hear unwillingly, not having control of my tongue. "I
was raped. The rapist took photos of me naked and put the photos on the
internet. I was fucked not only physically but I am literally for the rest
of my life." I hold my nose and walk back towards the living room pinching
it. Austin appears to be in shock. The colour has drained from his face and
not knowing what to do next, I reach into my pocket and pull out the wad of
money that I took from my father's drawer earlier. I nonchalantly walk past
Daniel who gives me a wide birth. I quickly count out $350 in $50 notes and
hand them to Shane. Releasing the pressure from my nose to count the money
allows it to bleed freely again as I complete the count and then the
transaction. I bury my nose in my shoulder as I hand Shane the cash and
then clamp my nose once again with my fingers. "Sorry for the hassle
mate. Thanks." I say with a cartoonish voice.

I turn around, inspecting the floor, making sure I do not step on broken
glass and holding my nose as I quickly pass Daniel. I stop and pick up the
bag of coke and at first consider just throwing it at my father but then I
think better of it. I push it into my pocket. As I walk past Malcolm, I
hear my father tread on the shattered glass, crunching it into the white
floor tiles. "Chezdon." My name is finally said by my progenitor. I stop
without turning around to face him. My sad and fatigued eyes find
Austin. Malcolm puts his hand on my shoulder and whispers something in my
ear, words that I do not understand being preoccupied with what is
happening in the moment. "I am sorry."

Resisting the urge to turn around, I listen to the sound of footsteps
stepping on glass and then the entry door close gently. I slowly recline my
head back and release the pressure on my nose. I wipe my hand on my shirt,
emulating my father's action from earlier in the day. A cold chill invades
my body and I shudder briefly as Malcolm applies more pressure to my
shoulder which is meant to reassure me, but it doesn't. I lower my head
slowly and the blood begins to flow from my nose again and I let it stream
freely down my face. The crimson life-force begins to drip methodically
onto my shirt. Austin walks towards me and without pausing, grasps me
tightly. I watch blood continue to drip onto my shirt as Malcolm slowly
releases his hand from my shoulder. "I am sorry mate." Malcolm says before
patting me on my back. I lift my head and place my chin on Austin's
shoulder and begin to process what just happened. The sight of Elvira
continuing to scrub the wine stains in the carpet dutifully encourages me
to close my eyes and stare at the darkness.


**************

(A/N) - I am powering through the writing of this book now. I know it is a
bit depressing and dark, but the storylines have to converge and be
resolved somehow. There are still more twists and turns though, so get
ready!

Follow my blog. I am trying to post updates daily now about Innocence
Waning and other things in life:

https://innocence-waning.blogspot.com
chezdon1997@gmail.com
che