Date: Wed, 22 Mar 2017 07:12:21 +0000
From: Chezdon <chezdon1997@gmail.com>
Subject: Innocence Waning Chapter 29

Chapter 29

Overwhelmed inside the calliopean claustrophobic perfectly square box, I
quickly bring my knees up to my chest and grasp them tight. I press myself
further into the corner that forms a perfect right-angle of the cell and
again attempt to decipher the etchings on the walls from afar. Runes, tick
marks and gouges remind me that the concept of time stands still in this
place. An unenumerable number of psychopaths, psychotics, paedophiles,
pranksters and potheads have sat where I am sweating and shivering. They no
doubt have all looked up praying to a god, making proclamations that they
never intend to keep. The imprisoned will say anything to get out of this
hellhole. When their god ultimately betrays them, they succumb to the
perception of sin with the blind hope of being liberated far from these
screaming cold walls. To see the sun and feel its warmth just once more
would be bliss. To be rained on, which would wash the filth from my body,
both from the inside and in turn the outside would be welcomed. The
disturbing screams that echo somewhere in between my ears invades me and
begins to test my resolve. Only through self-abasement will I be granted
favour and perhaps my freedom. Time has all but stopped in this place, so I
can only depend on myself for salvation.

Discord, wailing and commotion ensue unseen around me as the outcry of
those that are unknown to me who are guests of this institution or facility
cry and clamour, begging for their parents and on occasion death. Savages
who want to suckle breastmilk direct from their mother's teat pander and
beg to the authority who makes his presence known by running his baton
across the rung of metal bars that enclose us in the cells within this
horrific human zoo. Desperate and frightened voices howl and make illicit
promises for just a single phone call, extra food and even toilet
paper. The sound of the baton gradually draws near, marching in time with
the footsteps that fall on the cold painted concrete floor. I will not
beg. I will not make promises to a god or the moral authority that keeps me
restrained in this human zoo. I grind my teeth and outstretch my sweaty
arms, placing the palms of my hands on the grey stone wall and feel their
lifeless chill. The man with the baton arrives, stopping in front of my
cell door. Both my heart and my rate of breathing increases as I stare at
him blankly. I refuse to recognise him as a human being, along with his
authority. I will not beg, I will not relent. An awful burning smell of
food makes me cringe and I begin to watch a fly that is waltzing around the
flickering light bulb mounted on the ceiling that is far out of my
reach. The fly can escape from this hell. Why does it stay? The cell door
is slowly unlocked and creaks open and I accept that I am not leaving this
place alive any time soon. Unlike the fly who has a choice to be here, I
don't. I refuse to make a noise or say a word in the lead up to getting
fucked as the unnamed authority figure smacks the cold wall with his
baton. I will not say a word or scream as he shoves the inanimate object up
my arse whilst voices from the shadows that dance with the flickering light
wail, relieved that there is fresh meat to be burned, prodded, used and
abused. I dig my fingernails into the paint on the walls. I will not
scream. I will not beg. I will not apologise. I will not repent. I will not
forget my name. My name is Chezdon.

The flickering darkness gives way to natural light as my eyes jerk open and
then spasm. My fingernails continue to desperately gouge the paint of the
grey mortar wall. The palm of my hand goes flat against the glossed grey
chipped paint that haunted me as poignantly as when I slept in a fractured
state of consciousness. I slept contorted like a pretzel on top of damp
sheets and a damp mattress on a slab of a bed that even a corpse would find
uncomfortable. Feeling like I am on fire but paradoxically freezing cold, I
listen to the drum being beat inside my head. I yank my hand away from the
cold hard wall with its uneven and unfamiliar paint and cover my aching
eyes with my arm as I roll on to my back. I can smell bacon burning. "Where
the fuck am I?" My forehead throbs against my arm.

"Good morning, sunshine." I slide my arm down over my face, scratching it
on something protruding from my lip which hurts like hell. I wipe at my lip
confused. "I am making breakfast."

It takes time to enter the reality of the here and now. I realise that I am
not imprisoned in a small cell within a jail, an asylum, a dungeon or even
a form of purgatory that I have never believed in, but I just had a
horrific nightmare. I have no idea where I am now and when I finally do get
some perspective, the smell of bacon gradually begins to be overwhelmed by
suffocating cigarette smoke. My host and chef is dressed in black boxer
briefs and is wearing a white shirt but he has his back facing me whilst he
continues to cook in the open plan kitchen. My stomach rumbles and I
cough. "Where the fuck am I?" I ignorantly ask. When James turns around
holding a spatula in one hand and cigarette in the another, I gasp, but
like in my nightmare, I repress any further emotion. "Hi." I manage to say
whilst probing the recesses of my memory for a clue about what I did
between leaving home and ending up here. "What time is it?" I ask with a
sense of urgency as my heart begins to race faster.

"11:00 AM. Do you want a coffee?" James draws long and hard on the
cigarette before glancing at the newspaper that is spread open on his
dining table. He returns to flip the bacon in the pan before opening the
refrigerator and retrieving a carton of eggs. "I just made a pot."

I massage my forehead and stand up, desperate to escape from the grasp of
the moist sheet that is entangling me. The cold musty air fights to cool my
hot clammy skin, which is only covered by my purple damp Bonds
underwear. Feeling self-conscious, but not knowing why if I presume that I
had some iteration of sex at some point yesterday, I collapse back onto the
slab of a bed and yank the damp sheet over my head which filters the
sunlight streaming in from the window and from my burning eyes. "Yeah, I
will have coffee." I mumble. "Do you know where my phone is?"

The sizzling sound of raw eggs having been sacrificed onto a hot pan
beckons me to pull the black damp sheet away from my face. Footfalls that I
hear are not from the horrible person coming for me with a baton like in my
nightmare but James walking in my direction with his arm outstretched with
my phone. "Here you go. It is fully charged. I found it in the refrigerator
last night." He takes another drag from the cigarette.

I grab my phone from James and quickly look at the screen. There are no
alerts. "Jesus!" Confused, I scratch my head and then feel whatever is
attached to my lip as I start to skim messages that have previously arrived
as I try to put the pieces of this puzzle together. "The refrigerator?
Jesus."

"I played receptionist and answered your phone. I hope you don't mind. I
figured someone would be looking for you and I didn't want the police
coming and banging on my door again." James walks back to the kitchen and
drops the spent cigarette into the sink. He flips both the eggs and bacon
again and retrieves a mug from the cabinet. "I washed your clothes too." He
pours coffee into the mug and brings it to me. I reach out and grab it by
the handle. "You spewed on your shirt and pissed in your jeans and on my
floor."

I can't help but to snicker as I sip the black coffee. I adjust my position
and rest my back against the grey wall. "Sorry mate, I know I am a bit
high-maintenance especially when I have been drinking. Thanks though, I
don't know what to say except for thank you." My head continues to throb
and every pore of my body is oozing sweat. I use the black sheet to wipe
the perspiration from my chest, being careful not to spill any of the
coffee.

James begins to plate up the fried breakfast. An unlit cigarette hangs out
of his mouth but he manages to speak somehow. "Thank you is just fine. You
are a terror, I have never seen anything like it and I thought that I was
pretty bad when I was younger." He walks toward me with steam rising from
my breakfast and a fork. I set the mug of coffee on the edge of his bed and
greedily begin to eat. "I flushed your bag of coke down the toilet. If the
cops showed up here again, I didn't want to be caught with that. You
shouldn't do drugs either. There is my public service announcement for the
day."

"Well, sorry about all that drama from earlier in the week." I scoop
mouthfuls of sustenance into my mouth, giving little thought to chewing and
swallow most of it whole. "You said earlier that people rang me. Is anyone
pissed off?" I shove two slices of bacon into my mouth and begin to
chew. "Do you have any ice cream?" I mumble with my mouth full. I am
craving some ice cream to pair with the bacon. I have no idea why.

James sits next to me on the bed and looks down at his breakfast. He lights
a cigarette, takes a drag and spends what seems to be hours before
expelling the smoke and responding. "No, I don't. Mel was quite pissed off
when we had words the first time she rang. I spoke to her six or seven
times after that and she eventually calmed down. We had a good long chat
about you. We talked for about an hour." He looks at me expecting a
reaction but I don't offer one and continue to dutifully chew with my mouth
closed and listen carefully. "Petra from some restaurant also rang looking
for you. Do you remember ranting and raving about Austin and how you ruined
your date night? Do you remember anything for fucks sake?"

"Honestly I don't remember much. What did you talk about with Mel?" I
chuckle and then continue to eat portions of my fried breakfast before
shoving a wedge of fried tomato into my mouth. After swallowing I query,
"what were the highlights?" I can't help but notice all of the empty
cartons and bags from McDonalds that are strewn on the floor.

James places his plate down and fills his lungs with smoke again, holds it
and then puffs it out like a bemused dragon in my direction. "This isn't a
laughing matter, Chezdon. You came to my work, called me names and then
went to the toilet and were about to do a line of coke before I stopped
you. You were so wasted that if you did any more drugs, you would have
either have been joining your mate in the hospital or be toes up in the
damned morgue."

"Wait, what?" I place my hand on my forehead, wiping my damp straggly hair
and perspiration from my eyes. "What about Jayden? What did I say about
him? Is there any news about him?" I start to swipe and tap at my phone
quickly. "Sorry for being a dick and coming to your work." Becoming more
frustrated as I scan through countless messages about my nude photos, I
abandon all hope for an answer from the digital world and stare at
James. "Did I get a call about Jayden?"

"Yeah you did." He takes another drag on the cigarette. I want to knock it
out of his hand and demand he just tell me what I want to know. "You spoke
with him a few times actually."

"Oh my god, I did? Shit!" I scratch my head before swiping and opening the
dialling application and tap my phone which then rings Jayden. I have no
recollection of these conversations and it angers me. For the first time in
my life I am angered with myself for being so irresponsible. Once my mind
catches up with my hands and mouth, I can process that he is indeed
alive. A wide smile forms on my face. "Fuck, this is awesome news!" The
phone continues to ring and it is finally answered by a familiar voice, my
friend.

"Hey." Jayden says. "How are you?"

"Who cares how I am, how are you doing?" James stands up and walks to the
kitchen carrying our plates and puffing on a cigarette. I reach for my mug
of coffee. "Are you okay?"

"Didn't we go through this shit yesterday?" Jayden sounds flustered. "Or
are you ringing to blow me off? Or were you so wasted that you don't
remember what you said to me?"

"I am just so happy to hear your voice mate." A tear escapes from my eye
and I wipe it off my cheek with my hand. I am reminded that the side of my
face hurts after brushing it and silently thank my father for the pain
which recalls me to life. "Yeah, I am coming. I am fine. Just so you are
fine. You are okay, aren't you?" I have no idea where I am supposed to go
or even what I am saying as I try to string a sentence together and shuffle
in place.

"Chez, mate. If you don't remember what I told you yesterday, I suppose you
will just have to judge how okay I am when you see me, if you are still
able to function. You were fucked up so I will accept your apology now for
calling me all those bad names." Confused, I wait for Jayden to begin to
speak again whilst James finishes washing dishes and proceeds to take a
seat at his kitchen table, giving his attention to the newspaper. How did I
get here anyway I wonder? "Give up the drugs mate. We will see you soon."

The noise of Jayden fumbling with his phone and the call ending leaves me
elated but also confused. I toss my phone on top of the pillow that has
been saturated by my bodily fluids and who knows what else before I arrived
here. "Hey mate, do you have any pain killers?" I ask which causes James to
look up from the newspaper. "Can you please fill in the blanks for me? I am
so lost."

"First, you aren't getting any pain killers from me, Mr Oxy." James stands
up and walk towards me, kicking some of the empty McDonalds bags in the
process. "Go along now, have a shower, get dressed. I need to go to work. I
will fill in the blanks when you are ready to go. Your clothes are in the
bathroom on top of the tumble dry machine. I left you a pair of clean
underwear in case you want them. Just hurry the fuck up." James points
toward the bathroom.

I slither out of the bed and once again feel self-conscious as I walk to
the bathroom and close the door. I find my clothes folded neatly in the
small alcove that has been converted into a laundry area. I pull off my
underwear and toss them into the washing machine. I notice the empty two
litre plastic bottle of Pepsi resting in the corner of the shower stall and
I chuckle. So much has happened in less than a week since I watched James
shove what I assume to be the same bottle up his arse to flush himself
out. I quickly shower, using the clean towel that was left for me next to
my clothes to dry myself. I get dressed and quickly primp and preen
myself. In the reflection of the mirror, I stare into my bloodshot green
eyes, noticing the dark bags under them yet again. Not feeling very
physically attractive with my cheek grazed and discoloured, my attention
averts to my newly obtained lip piercing. "What the hell?" I mumble and
then play with it. When did I get this? I open the mirrored cabinet and
look for a tube of toothpaste and spy a box of Nurofen. I brush past the
over-the-counter pain killers and grab the tube of toothpaste and proceed
to squirt a bit of it into my mouth. Fully aware that James wants to leave,
I close the mirrored cabinet door and heed the words of my host and I do
not take any drugs. There is a brisk knock on the door and I am told in no
uncertain terms to get my arse moving. Seconds later, I emerge holding the
things that James kindly removed from my jeans before he washed them as I
frantically shove my wad of money back into my pocket. I return to the
living room and sit down and begin to quickly wrap my foot with the used
elastic bandage as James begins to tie his shoes. "Thanks for that, I feel
so much better. I left my underwear. Can I get that from you later? What
did Mel say to you?"

"What am I, your maid?" James smirks before standing up and walking to the
counter to retrieve his keys, phone, newspaper and a box of
cigarettes. "Let's go."

I quickly run into the bathroom again, turn on the tap and suckle at least
a litre of water from it before I follow James out of his studio unit and
down a flight of stairs. The bright sunlight makes forces me to squint and
I shield my eyes with my hand. "Thanks for looking after me mate. Sorry to
have been a pain in the arse."

"Thanks. You won't find me so accommodating next time if you turn up to my
work in that state again. You are lucky security from the shopping centre
didn't hand you over to the cops. You owe me." I continue to walk a step
behind James as I follow him along the footpath. "What do you last
remember?" He hands me the rolled-up newspaper.

"The last thing I remember was watching my mate Malcolm walk up the
platform to catch a train at Flinders Street." I reach up and fiddle with
my piercing. "I certainly don't remember getting this. It makes me look
kinda hot, don't you think?" I wink and James turns his head.

"You think pretty highly of yourself, don't you, Chezdon?" James glances at
me and I continue to follow him blindly along the footpath, not knowing
where we are going. "You need to stop playing your mind games with so many
guys at the same time. This is why, you my friend, are in the shit."

I grab James by his shoulder and force him to stop moving. "Can you please
just tell me what happened yesterday? I am going crazy." My body has
already started to sweat within the prison of my freshly laundered clothes
and my skin feels like it is on fire. This is the same feeling that I had
to endure after doing lines of coke earlier in the week and it is
torture. I wipe the sweat that has accumulated on the back of my neck with
my hand and flick it at the pavement. "Where the hell are we going anyway?"

James makes a scoffing sound before beginning to walk once again. "I am
going to work, we are going to the tram stop. You are coming with me."

I follow James past the pub where we originally met for beer earlier in the
week. A lone drinker sits at a table outside with a pint of amber ale
placed in front of him. The sight of beer makes me want to vomit.

We stand at the tram stop for less than a minute before one of the new air
conditioned trams glides to a halt next to us. We take a seat next to one
another after tapping our respective public transport cards once on
board. I consult my phone and quickly respond to a message from Bryce. He
wants to confirm that we are still having lunch today. It is certainly
convenient that I am currently travelling to the Emporium, which makes our
lunch meeting something to look forward to. I quickly reply in the
affirmative and look up at James through the damp strands of hair which are
partially covering my eyes. "I have lived in suspense long enough. Please
tell me." I shove my phone in between my legs and sit back, releasing a
disgruntled sigh.

"The highlights young Chezdon are these." The tram begins to move and
accelerates. "You turned up at my work yesterday drunk and I assume high on
coke, called me some bad names and then fucked off to the toilet around the
corner. I followed you as I wanted to get you out of the shopping plaza as
I knew that my colleague called security after you finished your
outburst. I found you in the handicapped toilet stall ready to do a line of
coke off the sink. I put an end to that dodgy plan of yours." I take a deep
breath and wipe the sweat from the back of my neck again, this time wiping
my moist hand on my jeans. "You then spoke with your mate Jayden and you
became emotional since he was alive and all that shit that you now are
aware of. I just wanted to get you out of the shopping plaza and put you in
a cab or something. So, I got you off the toilet floor and tried walking
you out of the Emporium. We were approached by security and fortunately for
you, I knew the bloke so I reasoned with him, said you were a mate and that
I was looking after you. He obviously didn't take you away and hand you
over to the coppers."

"Jesus, I don't remember any of that shit." I begin to wiggle my toes and
stare out of the window. "Sorry about that, I appreciate the effort."

"You sound like a bloody politician." James scratches his nose before
continuing. "I hailed a cab and I planned to take you back to your
apartment but you said that was a really bad idea. You then told me about
how your father beat you up and something about a home invasion that I
still don't understand. Then how Mel was beat up and all your other
ridiculous family secrets that were pent up in your dark mind. I am not
judging you, but you said some really fucked up shit and I don't know what
to believe. Anyway, I rang my work, made an excuse as to why I was taking
an early lunch break and took you back to my place. It took about thirty
minutes but after you drank three of my beers, you passed out on the
couch. I left you there and went back to work and came back six hours later
and you were still asleep. I started to take your shoes off, but that woke
you up and you decided that you wanted to party some more and then become a
bit amorous with me." James sighs and I continue to stare out the
window. "Don't worry, nothing happened between us. I wasn't going to take
advantage of some drunk and drug-fucked teenager. You did like to show off
your nudes that are posted on Instagram though." My digital badge of honour
for the world to see has made its appearance again. "You carried on about
all of the fucked-up dramas that you are involved in. You started to drink
my stash of alcohol and I just watched the Chezdon sideshow play until you
fizzled out. You had a few phone calls with your mate Jayden and called him
some bad names. You also had a few phone calls with Austin, who I learned
is the one that hit me with the cricket bat."

I suddenly look at James. "Sorry about that." He licks his lips and stares
at me with his blue eyes. "I am a terror. Do you know why I was calling
Jayden bad names? We are supposed to see each other later so I guess he
isn't pissed off with me. I am just happy that he is alive."

James begins to wipe the face of his iPhone on his knee. "You really had a
go at him mate and gave him a really hard time. You told him that he gave
you AIDS. You weren't making too much sense as to why and how AIDS came
into it. It is a mystery really as you were ranting and raving like a crazy
man. You were very emotional, you drank all my beer and then got into my
bottle of gin. You rang Jayden back and accused him of intentionally
wrecking your relationship with Austin. It was like watching a soap opera
unfold you know? I ate takeaway from McDonalds and just watched it all
unfold. You took my cheeseburger out of my hand, ate it, washed it down
with gin and then threw it up, passed out and pissed your pants. It wasn't
long after that I dragged your arse to my bed and I was left doing the
laundry and cleaning up like some woman being sent into a life of
servitude. That is what happened."

"Wow, I guess I am a terror." I close my eyes and wish that this tram would
get me to where I need to go. The sudden acceleration and abrupt stopping
is beginning to make me nauseous. "I am so sorry for all the drama and
putting you out like that."

"Don't be. It happens to the best of us. I did take one of your fifty
dollar notes to pay for the taxi ride and to compensate me for the amount
of booze you drank. I am sure you don't mind." James and his frugal nature
once again appears. "That seemed fair. Why coke though? Why not pot?"

"Pot just puts me to sleep. I tried it once and I didn't like it. I also
don't like the smell." I giggle. "Is there anything else I should know?" I
start to play with my lip piercing again. "What do you think of this?"

"Besides your lower lip being a bit red, it suits you. I cleaned it and put
some antibiotic ointment on it after you passed out. I am sure the gin that
you were drinking sterilised the hole though." James laughs. "Just consider
it all part of the service. I am in hospitality after all" His laughter
evolves into a smile. "I was like you when I was sixteen. Maybe not into
hardcore drugs, but I was out of control. Now look at me. I work in retail
at the tender age of twenty-five. Just don't turn into a party boy Chezdon
or else you will turn out to be a loser like me."

I look up at James and put my hand on his shoulder. "Mate, you aren't a
loser. I don't judge you and if anyone else does, fuck them." James crosses
his legs and leans against the side of the carriage as the tram takes a
sharp turn and comes to a stop. "You are a decent bloke and I really
appreciate you looking after me. I know some people that if given the
choice would take advantage of the situation. You are a top bloke!"

"That isn't what you said last night. I am sure that it had something to do
with me running out of beer which is why you decided to talk so much shit
to me." James begins to rub his ankle. "You told me all about what that
Shaun cunt did to you too. That is fucked up. Give me your arm." He begins
to pull one of the elastic wristbands that he is wearing off and over his
hand. He stretches the wristband over my hand and then intentionally lets
it snap against my wrist. It is a black band with the yellow Batman oval
insignia painted on it. I look up at James again but this time surely with
a confused look on my face. "At some point, I will shine the bat signal
into the sky and you will know that I need something from you. It may not
be tomorrow or next year, but you owe me a favour. Wear this until then and
every time you look at it, remember how fucked up you got last night. Just
know how much more horrible things can turn out for you if you take that
one extra drink or do fucking drugs. Fuck you for making me give you
another speech!" James smiles.

I inspect the band. There are three of them on my wrist now. "Fair
enough. Thanks." Sweat continues to drip down my back and I rub my
forehead. "I am never drinking again."

James cackles. "Yeah right you liar. Let's go."

We disembark from the tram and walk into the Melbourne Central shopping
centre. We engage in small talk as we traverse into the Emporium shopping
centre next door via the gantry and into the food court. The bright yellow
sign advertising `Guzman y Gomez' Mexican food draws my attention and is as
bright as the yellow batman symbol that I now carry with me on my wrist. I
spot Bryce leaning against the wall near the cash registers staring at his
phone. "Hey, there is Bryce. Do you remember him?" I query James and then
remember that I left his newspaper on the seat of the tram.

"How could I forget walking in to your place and seeing One Direction last
weekend live and in person mate." James smiles. "Look, I need to fuck off
and go to work. I am glad you are okay. Remember, don't take off that
wristband until I call in that favour." James winks and lightly pats me on
the shoulder. "You never know when I will need something from you or even
Mel."

I blow off his comment. "Is that favour going to involve a blowjob?" I
flash a cheeky grin.

"Chez, I wouldn't need a favour to get a blowie out of you. It would be
your absolute pleasure. At least that is what you were saying last
night. You never know what you want when you have been drinking. It is when
you have a clear head you find what you seek." With that sage comment that
sounds suspiciously like an ancient Chinese proverb, the infamous light
bulb once again magically appears over my head. I am confident that James
notices my eyes sparkle. "Are you okay? I need to go." James reaches over
and hugs me. I embrace him and squeeze him tight. "God, you are hot!"

"Yeah, I know." I chortle. "Smoking is bad for you mate. There is my speech
for the day." He smells like a cigarette.

"You self-absorbed fuck. Fuck you! I meant your temperature. All the coke
you did must be leaving your body. You are sweating it out. Drink lots of
water. I need to go." He releases his grasp and our eyes meet one last time
before he turns and walks away.

I quickly adjust my newly adopted wristband before removing my phone from
my back pocket and walking towards Bryce. He looks up at me. "Come on,
sit. This won't take long." He says quickly and impatiently.

"Don't you want to order? Hey Bryce!" I raise my voice and follow him to a
table where he quickly sits down. I toss my phone on the table and follow
his lead. "Chezdon, I-"

I interrupt Bryce. "Mate, before you say anything, I need to tell you
something." I hold out my hands indicating that he should stop talking and
allow me to speak.

"I don't want to hear about all of your boy dramas Chezdon. Look, I-."

I again interrupt Bryce and raise my voice. "Mate, I just want to say that
I am sorry."

"Oh?" Bryce folds his arms across his chest. "This should be good. I am
listening."

I have no clue as to why he is so agitated and continue to offer my
apology. "Mate, I just wanted to apologise for that prank that was played
on you last weekend. It wasn't cool to draw a swastika on your back and for
that I apologise mate." I tap my foot on the floor and twist the black
batman wristband around my wrist. "Sorry, it was bad form and a shitty
thing to do to you."

"So, you did that?" Bryce leans forward and his eyes open wide.

"I was thinking about it earlier in the week and I wanted to apologise for
this stunt in person. Apologies for not sending a message or saying
anything about it on the phone earlier in the week. You are my mate and you
were at my place so since one of my friends played that awful joke on you,
I will take responsibility for it. I am just sorry that it happened." I
continue to tap my foot on the floor and turn my attention from Bryce to
the customer ordering tacos from the smiling woman behind the counter at
Guzman y Gomez. "Are we cool?"

"Honestly Chezdon, I was waiting to see you in person to tell you how
offended I was by that disgusting joke. I was going to walk away from this
friendship today and I came here to tell you so, but I am so happy that you
did the right thing in the nick of time. I appreciate the apology
mate. Don't worry about it since I doubt you did the deed, but I am
extremely grateful for the apology and I am happy to call you my mate. You
have some ticker for condemning that prank." Bryce leans back in his chair
and smiles. He stretches his arms behind his head and looks up at the
ceiling and sighs. "Tacos? I need tacos. My shout." He slides his chair
back and then walks to join the short queue at Guzman y Gomez.

Finally, I could prevent something unpleasant from happening this week and
with only seconds to spare. I take notice of my phone and the new messages
that have arrived and watch Bryce standing in the queue. My stomach begins
to grumble again as I respond to a message from Jayden. I confirm that I
have arrived on time at the Emporium food hall. I must have disclosed my
cunning plan last night in my drunken stupor and announced that I planned
to lunch with Bryce today to all and sundry. My excitement level continues
to build when I peruse the next message which says that `we' will be at the
food hall in mere seconds. What physical state will Jayden be in I
wonder. What does he mean by `we' will be there?

I spy Bryce finally place an order and then tap his debit card on the EFT
machine. He is handed two bottles of water. One of which he tosses at my
head which catches me off-guard. I swiftly reach out to grab it but it
strikes the tips of my fingers which deflects it off to my side. The bottle
hits a chair and then rolls away. Fortunately, it doesn't hit anyone as the
last thing I want is to be confronted by mall security. I jog over and pick
up the bottle of water and see Jayden walking into the food court from the
direction that I entered from earlier along with Austin. Jayden's right arm
is in a sling and he is limping. What a relief! I jog over to Jayden and
take him by surprise by hugging him. "Owwww!" He shouts. I jerk my body
back and let go of him. "Just kidding man. I am fine. Mostly."

"Arsehole." I smile. "I am so glad that you aren't dead. Fucking Malcolm
made it sound like you were at death's door when you were carted off."

Jayden smiles and I ignore Austin not knowing how to greet him or even what
to say. "Besides the broken arm, I got my balls kicked or hit or something
by the car or by a flying body or something. I don't know. That is why I
was screaming to holy hell if anything. I didn't even realise that my arm
hurt until the paramedics were picking my arse up and taking me away. Hell,
they probably thought I was dying as I grabbed my cock with my broken arm."

I hug Jayden again and my eyes find Austin. "Hey Austin."

"Hey." Austin says and then innocuously looks around.

"You are sweating your arse off. You drug-fucked emo." Jayden pushes me
away. "Jesus man."

"Emo? I am not an emo. Don't call me an emo." I wipe my forehead with my
arm, moving my hair away from my eyes in the process. "I am just so fucking
happy that you are okay."

"Emo." Jayden smiles again. "Any other emotions that you want to share?"
Jayden looks at Austin, who quickly walks towards Bryce who is carrying a
tray of cardboard boxes.

"Why is Austin here?" With a quizzical look on my face I make an obvious
admission. "Sorry mate, I am not with it."

Jayden quickly grabs my lip and squeezes it. "What the fuck is this?" I
jerk back and yelp in pain. My discomfort would not even be compared to
what Jayden had to endure so I don't carry on about it for long. "Did you
get this because that boy you dream about from 5 Seconds of Summer has one?
You are obsessed mate."

"No, I got it because I thought it would make me look even hotter." I rub
the sweat off the back of my neck again and flick it on the floor. "Why
should you care anyway, you have wanted to get a lip piercing for years."

"Yeah, but my father would kick my arse if I got one." Jayden pauses after
inspecting my face. "Oh, sorry mate, I didn't mean to say that." I must
have carried on about my fight with Daniel at some point yesterday. Maybe I
gave the blow-by-blow to James and he told Jayden. Who knows and who
cares. I am just happy that my friend is alive and well.

"Mate, it is cool. It is all a learning experience. I am here in one
piece. You are too. We are lucky." I recall the news report that we saw
yesterday announcing that someone perished. "Someone died on St Kilda Road
yesterday in that accident. I knew it couldn't have been you since the news
said it was a man that died."

"So, I am just some randy teenager? The news will not put up a ticker that
says randy teenager dies when hit by car you know Chezdon. You must not
remember carrying on about this last night either." I take a deep breath
and follow Jayden as we walk towards the table that Bryce and Austin have
sat down at. "What are you doing hanging out with James anyway? I guess he
turned out to be a decent enough bloke since he looked after you and all
that."

"I was in the neighbourhood and I wanted to drink. I didn't know what was
going on with you. I was stressed and upset and it just seemed like a good
idea at the time." Before we join the others at the table, I can't help but
to ask the question burning a hole in my brain. "What is up with you and
that Brody kid? You could have just told me that you were together with a
boy. I wouldn't have cared."

I assumed that by mentioning Brody and just saying his name would take
Jayden by surprise but it doesn't. He smirks and proceeds to limp toward
the table where Bryce and Austin are now seated and chewing away on
tacos. I rush past Jayden, knocking into him so I can sit next to Bryce
instead of Austin. As I collapse onto the chair, Jayden responds. "I guess
there is plenty to tell isn't there?"

"Don't draw swastikas with the salsa." Bryce declares. "My family may be
South African Jews, but remember that is bad shit. That is all I will say
about that." Bryce slaps me on the back a few times. "Eat up. There are
tacos for everyone."

I twist the cap off the bottle of water and drink all the life-giving
liquid in one go. I then carefully open one of the small cardboard boxes on
the tray which reveals three freshly prepared tacos. "Yum. I can't wait. I
am so hungry." Jayden reaches over and puts his hand on mine, pushing it
and the taco which I picked up back into the box. I release my food and
look up at him. "What the hell?"

"Before you eat, I think I need to repeat what I told you at least five
times last night. You might remember it this time since you are sober."
Jayden crosses his arms and leans forward, mimicking how Bryce acted
earlier. "You are sober, aren't you?"

"Fuck off, of course I am. I am just hungover." I place my hands under the
table and begin to fiddle with my wristbands. "I am never drinking again."
I proclaim.

"Yeah right." Austin blurts out, rolls his eyes and then shoves a taco into
his gaping mouth. I glare at Austin but he doesn't acknowledge me. I
suppose has the right to give me as much abuse as he wants after what he
had to witness yesterday and what his family has been subjected to by my
father. "Jayden, what were you saying?" Austin turns his body and faces
Jayden. Bryce remains silent and drinks from his bottle of Sprite and
watches a woman with unnaturally large breasts walk past us.

"Sorry Bryce that you have to listen to this mate, but here it goes."
Jayden tries to insert a finger into his cast. "Fuck my arm itches. Anyway,
don't you read or watch the news? Oh, that is right, you are hanging out
with your boyfriend James, no time for that hey?" Austin offers me a dirty
look and then focuses on Jayden again. "Sorry Austin. You don't remember
who died do you?"

"No, I don't. Who died? In what, in that crash?" It is still hard to form a
complete sentence.

"Yeah, the crash you idiot. Mr McVey did."

"McVey!" I shout. I would stand up but the shock prevents me. "You mean, Mr
Mackey? How? I mean, Jesus. Fuck." I place the palm of my hand on my
forehead and force my hair back, leaving my head to rest in my hand.

"As I told you many times yesterday, he pushed me and some other woman out
of the way of that car that was coming at us. He probably saved our lives."
Jayden begins to chew on the inside of his cheek and looks down at his
food. Austin begins to eat another taco, obviously having been made privy
to this information earlier. "So it goes." It isn't often that Jayden
regurgitates any of his private school education however I find the timing
apt that he quotes one of the more infamous lines from Slaughterhouse-Five,
which was the first book that we had the pleasure of reading this term in
Mr Mackey's class. "Poo-tee-weet" He finishes by saying.

"Wow. This is shocking. I really don't know what to say." I liberate the
bottle of Sprite from Bryce's hand and take a drink from it.

"Yuk. Who knows where that mouth of yours has been. Keep it." Bryce
chuckles and I watch Austin instinctively roll his eyes. I continue to
drink from the bottle of Sprite, but affix my eyes on Jayden's face. The
pounding that persists in my head prevents me from raising the bottle and
offering a `cheers' to Mr Mackey.

"We can reminisce about him later. No disrespect to him but there is more
that all of you should know since we are friends after all." Jayden takes
the bottle of Sprite from my hand and drinks from it whilst Austin
watches. "Chez, it is obvious that Mel never told you about my
situation. Or did she?"

"What situation?" I pick up a taco and shove half of it in my mouth
thinking that Jayden will swat it out of my hand if I don't act
quickly. The first thing that comes to mind is his HIV status, but I am
left vexed as to why he would discuss it with Mel or even why he would want
to talk about it in front of Bryce. He wouldn't know that I told Austin his
secret, or does he? I focus on chewing and inspecting my remaining taco,
waiting for Jayden to continue speaking.

Jayden clears his throat. "You asked about that Brody kid earlier." I look
up and my eyes meet Jayden's and he quickly looks away. I quickly chew what
remains in my mouth and swallow. "We got into a bit of strife." Strife is
the tame way to describe it. Can't Jayden trust his mother with this sad
information I wonder. "To make a long story short, that kid Brody and I
were blackmailing guys using the Grindr application." Bryce coughs, bends
down and expels what is left in his mouth into the cardboard box in front
of him. "We would get some older blokes to meet us after some sexting and
exchanging of photos. When we would meet up we would threaten to expose
them and shit like that if they didn't give us cash. Anyway, this went on
for a while but in the end, we messed with the wrong bloke. The cops caught
up with us and we were arrested. So, I rang Mel and she is shorting this
shit out."

"Jesus, Jayden! That is shocking!" Bryce exclaims. "You are seriously
fucked up mate. That must be the single most horrific thing that I have
heard in a while. You should be ashamed mate."

"Not cool mate. So not cool." Austin interjects and wipes his lips with a
serviette. "Karma mate. You pulled that shit and you nearly got wiped out
by a car. I mean you did get wiped out by a car. Look what happened to
you!" Austin looks Jayden up and down and shakes his head.

"I am not sure what karma has to do with it Austin, but I agree that is not
cool. It is hard enough for gays in this fucked-up world without you adding
to their misery." I add to the chorus, which encourages me to articulate my
thoughts. "Is this why you got so agitated and upset when Austin and I
started seeing one another? We experienced no outrage from the rest of our
peers? Is this why your own awful little scam backfired and you ended up
getting caught out by the cops?" I consider his proclamation of being
tested positive for HIV and stop myself before agreeing with Austin that
karma is a bitch and perhaps it is his punishment for extorting people. His
life is tainted by his own indiscretions. Austin and I look at one another
briefly and I feel a haunting guilt overwhelm me knowing that I could have
infected him with HIV. I feel a pain in my chest and quickly grasp it when
I consider that I could have HIV. Memories of Jayden's blood and cum cycle
on repeat like a PowerPoint demonstration over and over. I put my hands
over my eyes and rest my head on my elbows which make a thud when they
simultaneously make contact with the table.

"Mate, I told you this last night and I will tell you again as I don't have
much more that I can lose and your friendship means everything to me." I
look up as I prop up my head and watch Austin begin to chew on his
thumbnail indicating that he is nervous and rightfully so. Bryce continues
to chew on a taco and resembles a cow chewing cud with a disinterested look
on his face. I really hope that Jayden doesn't have any more outrageous
proclamations to make before Bryce can swallow. "Your friendship means
heaps to me too Austin." He turns his head and gazes at Austin and taps him
on the shoulder with the side of his cast. "I hope you don't judge me too
harshly Bryce." Bryce shrugs his shoulders and swallows. "Anyway, the
reason why I have been a dick is because you and Austin were together, that
is correct." Jayden looks down at his remaining taco. "You were right all
along and when you said on the phone the other night that I should just
come out and admit that I like you as more than as just a friend. What you
said pissed me off. I have liked you, hell, I have been in love with you
for years and it pissed me off when you came out of the closet last weekend
and everyone just got on with life. The same thing with you Austin." All
eyes are cast on Jayden as he continues to inspect the last taco resting in
the cardboard box. "I have liked guys for as long as I can remember and
when I first met you Chezdon, I thought you did too, but you rejected me-"

I interrupt Jayden. "Mate, we were thirteen. You kissed me in Federation
Square. I didn't know what to think. I didn't know what I wanted at the
time. Hell, I thought you were just taking the piss back then. You could
have talked to me about this, you know."

"Why didn't you ever tell me you are gay then? Isn't it something that you
would tell your supposed best mate?" Jayden takes a drink from the bottle
of Sprite.

"I don't know why it was never discussed. I just don't know. If you ever
asked me I would have told you but it isn't something that I ever wanted to
bring up." I shrug my shoulders and begin to pay with the empty cardboard
box. "Sorry mate, but I can understand why you were upset this week. I get
it."

"Thanks." Jayden pauses long enough and lifts his head. "The other night on
the phone I was going to tell you how I really felt as I wanted to get it
off my chest before things developed between you and Austin. I wanted you
to know how I felt so if you wanted to, you could make a choice. But you
were so goddamned cocksure knowing what I was going to admit to. You were
acting like it was expected, like I am just one of your fans that was about
to profess his undying love and ask for an autograph. You just made me so
angry." Jayden takes a deep breath and exhales hard. "So, I made it up. I
made up that I have HIV, and-"

I jump up, knocking my chair back backwards onto the floor in the
process. "Oh fuck!" I put my hand over my mouth. "Jesus Christ!" I roar.

Austin quietly pushes his chair back and stands up. He glances at me before
looking down at Jayden. "If you weren't already in a cast, I would break
your fucking arm. It must be your lucky day." Austin kicks Jayden's
chair. "Cunt!"

"Please. Jesus. Austin. Just please sit down. Please." I motion for Austin
to sit and then retrieve my chair, making eye contact with the group of
professionally dressed men at the table next to us that I never bothered to
acknowledge earlier. They look familiar and I believe they are the same
blokes that were eavesdropping on our conversation last week when we were
here eating. I continue to ignore them and follow Austin's lead and slowly
take a seat. I take a deep breath and wipe the sweat from the back of my
neck again. "This doesn't make any sense, Jayden. Brody rang me and told me
you gave him HIV. Hell, I saw a video of the two of you fucking. This is
madness."

Jayden mimics Austin and begins to chew on his fingernail before
speaking. "I knew that you met Brody the other day as he mentioned it to
me. It was a rather strange coincidence really. After I told you the lie
about having HIV, I rang him and told him to ring you and give you hell
about it which would then give my lie some authenticity. I was just pissed
off and jealous, Chezdon. I am so sorry."

I continue to shake my head. "But that Brody kid showed me a video of him
fucking you. What the fuck?" Bryce looks up and crosses his arms and rolls
his eyes.

"We used that video to lure guys on Grindr. Brody would exchange that video
for nudes and other compromising videos of the old blokes. He is fourteen
and was quite the drawcard. You would be surprised at how many guys want to
get fucked by a fourteen-year-old and not just fuck a
fourteen-year-old. Also, these guys would effectively have child porn once
they received that video, which made them an easy target to get cash out
of." Jayden continues to rattle off additional details of his crime. "We
are just friends with benefits I guess. Business partners even. I am
sorry. I am just a jealous piece of shit."

I begin to stroke my chin thinking of words to say but I am at a loss. I
then look at Bryce and ask him obvious questions. "What do you think of all
this shit mate? It is outrageous don't you think?" Jayden looks down at his
lap. "I am mortified."

Bryce swallows the last of his taco, wipes his lips and tosses the used
crumpled serviette onto the tray in front of him and looks at
Jayden. "Earlier I was going to walk away from my friendship with Chezdon
because he had a week to do the right thing and apologise for something
that I can only assume that you did Jayden. But he did end up apologising
just in time and here I sit, listening to all of this rubbish. What do I
think? I try to live my life without drama and would just prefer to read
about it in a book. If anyone should have learned a lesson, it is you
Jayden. That life is indeed short and you can be taken out by a car, tram
or even killed by a shark. Why waste all this time playing games with
people. You have some serious self-esteem issues if you are doing what you
are doing, but what do I think? I don't care mate, he is your friend."

Jayden pushes his chair back. It makes a skidding sound against the
faux-wood floor. "No, wait. Don't go." Jayden looks shocked when I ask him
to stay. "Just sit down." He complies. Austin continues to chew on his
fingernail. "I thought I lost you a few times this week Jayden. You have
done some really fucked up things. Some unsavoury things, but I still want
you as my friend. Hell, I need you as my friend." Jayden rubs at his eyes
one by one with his unencumbered arm.

"Honestly, Chezdon?" Austin raises his voice and points his finger at
Jayden. "Do you know why we broke up? You fucked me without a condom
knowing you could have HIV. Jayden plays this revenge-prank or whatever you
want to call it and pretends to have HIV, and you think there is nothing
wrong with that? It proves that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree,
Chezdon. You just have loose morals or only apply them conveniently to suit
you, just like your father does. It is disgusting." Austin takes a deep
breath and sighs as he exhales. "But my perception of morality may be
really skewed. I am still young. You know my parents and you know what they
are like. I am a teenager and I think I know what I want. All this bullshit
with Jayden I think has given me a different perspective. Like Bryce said,
I could end up getting killed by a shark so I should live in the moment. I
want to be with you. What do you want though? You made plenty of
proclamations about what you wanted last night, so tell me now or I walk
away forever. Do you want to be with James? Maybe deep down you want to be
with Jayden. You say a lot of words Chezdon, but I want to tear a page out
of Bryce's book. I don't want to play games anymore, I just want to get on
with life and live it. I want you in it. I will leave it at that." Austin
crosses his arms and stares at me with an intensity that I have never seen
him radiate.

I have no idea what I said to Austin whilst drunk last night. I do remember
that James said that I did speak with him a few times though. Jayden must
have made these confessions to me last night if I became so aggravated that
I called him horrible names. I scratch my head and look at Bryce. "I think
the phrase is shit or get off the pot." I feel lightheaded.

"Time is the ultimate mother fucker." Jayden adds. "You say that all the
time, mate." Jayden smiles which sends a chill down my back along with a
droplet of sweat.

"Just so you know." I look at Austin only to find him watching me like a
hawk with his arms crossed. "Nothing happened between James and I. He is a
decent bloke and one of the few sane adults that I have dealt with this
week." Austin noticeably cringes and closes his eyes. "I have had four
light bulb moments in the last fortnight and the most profound one came
right before I walked into this food hall."

Bryce chuckles. "God, you blew with a profound thought? I thought you
didn't do it with James." Finally, some humour is injected into this heavy
conversation.

I turn and quickly punch Bryce on his upper arm with a closed fist. "Shut
up arsehole." I first look at Jayden and then focus my eyes on Austin
before leaning back and grasping my hands behind my head.

Bryce punches me on the arm. "If we are going to live in the now, can you
tell me why the fuck you have a lip ring?"

I begin to twist the black band around my wrist once again and smile.

*****************************************

A/N - Well, that is the penultimate chapter of Innocence Waning. I hope you
share your thoughts with me. Also follow my blog for writing updates and
also you will know what exciting things I am up to.

https://innocence-waning.blogspot.com
chezdon1997@gmail.com