Date: Tue, 28 Mar 2017 08:53:37 +0000
From: Chezdon <chezdon1997@gmail.com>
Subject: Innocence Waning Chapter 30

Chapter 30

[6 days later.]

My morning erection is the result of the memory of the encounter that I had
at Westgate Park nearly three weeks back. The middle-aged man with unkempt
hair that admired me whilst he caressed his boner at the trough in the
public toilet has left me rock-hard. I ignore his unshaven face and flash
forward to James squatting over the bottle of Pepsi, the lips of his anus
kissing the rim of the plastic bottle filled with water. An imaginative
encounter with me inside his dark and warm holiest of holes and enjoying
intercourse with him aggressively like I did with Austin brings me close to
orgasm. I stop and take a deep breath fondling my lonely genital, edging
myself closer to completion. The lurid memory of suckling Jayden's phallus
then sends my arm into overdrive as I can all but taste him as I suck him
to ejaculation at the same time I orgasm. I relish the memory of the salty
bitter taste of his cum and massage my tight anus with my finger. The all
too familiar feeling of warm semen running down my thigh leaves me staring
out the window, this time without any regard for the weather, the view of
the skyline, time passing or even the wet stain that is growing on my blue
sheet. A loud rapping on my bedroom door causes me to jerk and nearly roll
off my bed as I camouflage myself. "Chezdon, you had better be up. You
can't be late!" Mel shouts.

I quickly pull my duvet up to my face, letting it absorb my viscous
emission just in case Mel does throw the door open, I need to be
prepared. "Yeah, I am up, will be ready in fifteen." I suppose I am up both
figuratively and literally.

When I am confident that Mel has toddled off to drink her tenth cup of
coffee and consult the newspaper, I throw the duvet and wet blue sheet away
from my naked body and stride to my bathroom. My morning routine of
primping and preening is drawn out for an additional minute as I spend time
ensuring that every strand of the hair on my head is frozen into its
correct place. It is going to be a very long day and I must watch out for
open flames for fear my hair will light up like a torch considering how
much hair spray I sprayed on and into it.

Predictably, Mel is reading a broadsheet newspaper and drinking coffee from
a mug as I turn the corner and walk into the kitchen. "Good morning. Don't
drink any coffee just yet Chez. Give the dentist a break." I am tasked to
finally visit the tooth fairy after leaving home today for a routine clean
and a check-up. Mel insisted that I keep my appointment despite the hectic
schedule that I must adhere to even though my teeth will not end up any
whiter. The last time I engaged the tooth fairy for a consultation, I
quizzed him about getting my teeth whitened. I was shocked to learn that
the nanny state of Australia has banned the specific process that I was
interested in. Mel sips from her mug and sets it down on the newspaper. "I
know you are under some stress right now Chezdon, but there are a few
things we need to discuss so I can get the appropriate paperwork filed
today."

I blankly stare at the coffee machine and repress my desire for a taste. I
promise myself that I will buy three or even four cups after my visit to
the tooth fairy if time allows. "Mel, I don't get stressed, I give stress."
I smile wide and place my hands flat on the white marble kitchen island to
cool them down. "Go for it, I don't care. I am not fussed." Fuck, I would
kill for some caffeine.

"I spoke with your mother. I also spoke with Julie McGuire a few times last
night. I want to get us past all of this conjecture and finalise these
convoluted financial arrangements." Mel leans back, pulls her hair back and
ties it up into some elaborate Gordian knot. "In theory, what you proposed
to give to the McGuire family will stand. Although they can never prove
what Daniel admitted here, they have decided to kill any further action
provided what you promised them with respect to your mother's estate is put
into place."

"Kill seems to be a queer word to use." I cough and walk to the
refrigerator and yank out a bottle of water. "I always said that I didn't
want any of Voldemort's fortune."

"That may be the case so it has been structured that when your mother
passes, her remaining assets will be put in a trust. You will have access
to the fund when you turn twenty-five. Also, when you are graduated from
Melbourne Grammar, the McGuire's will begin making a monthly payment to you
which will cover the appreciation of the property asset that you are in
turn gifting to them based upon the inflation figure. This way you can go
to University and not worry about having to work or even take a gap year
and travel if that is what you want. When you turn twenty-five, you can do
whatever you want with the other assets. You can gift them to charity or
even 5 Seconds of Summer if you want. I suspect in nine years you will have
a different perspective, but you have a nine-year cooling off period.

I drink water from the plastic bottle. "That sounds fair enough." The
arrangement seems reasonable. "God, imagine the date that I could go on
with Ashton Irwin if I have those funds available to me. What a night it
would be!"

"How very mature of you, Chez. I am impressed." Mel stands up and rolls her
eyes, walks to the kitchen and refills the mug off coffee. "What is
shocking is that I actually know who you are talking about."

"Did you find out anything about Shaun O'Connor?" I begin to twirl the
bottle of water in its place. "Did he have a will or anything like that?"

"Your mother wouldn't say much about him. Julie told me that your mother is
so ashamed that she will not even leave her house." Mel walks behind me and
sits in front of the newspaper again and sets the mug of coffee down
carefully on a photo of Hillary Clinton. I am confident that if I looked
through the newspaper I would find an article about the latest political
outrage in Australia. The government minister that Mel was in court
representing when Jayden was hit by the car had a nefarious relationship
with Shaun. They were in some sort of private group on the dark web that
were sharing pictures of underage children. The most satisfying part of
this scandalous story was that Shaun had intended to commit suicide on the
night that he smashed into the kangaroo on the Hume highway by
accident. Besides finding a suicide note at the scene, a cache of digital
photos, e-mails and a laundry list of names were discovered at the crash
site. This information led the cops to the doorstep of our honourable state
minister of transport funnily enough the same night that I was enjoying
Austin's company in my bed. Austin spoke about karma last weekend and I am
starting to believe in it the concept myself. "I can't speak much about the
particulars Chez, but Shaun's assets will be seized as part of government
legislation." I not only smile but laugh with a sinister tone. "Your mother
and I had a chat about what you said about Shaun when you were at her
house. I really think we need to talk about this more but only when you are
ready. Whether it is tomorrow, a month from now, or never, I will leave
that decision to you. Just know your mother is deeply sorry and hopes that
you will speak to her again so she can apologise." Mel's eyes begin to
become teary.

"No reason to make the start of today so dark Mel. There will be enough
talking about death and despair later today. I get it though. I will ring
my Voldemort tomorrow. After all the shit that took place here with Daniel
last week, I think I want to at least talk about things with her and if it
makes her life a bit better, she deserves that much."

Mel sniffs. "That is very mature of you Chez. I am proud of you." She
slowly sips from the mug and makes a point of looking up at the ceiling, as
she composes herself. "You should also know that I am not leaving. It
doesn't matter what your father does or has done, I am not going to walk
away from you."

"That is very mature of you Mel. I am proud of you." I smile and Mel bursts
out laughing. "But thanks. That does make me happy. Daniel sent me a
message sometime in the middle of the night. With all this serious
conversation, I forgot to tell you."

"Oh?" Mel slowly sips from the plain white mug. "Do tell."

"He sent a message not only apologising yet again, but he wished me luck
today. He also asked me to tell you that he paid my tuition for next year."
I start to swirl the plastic bottle on its axis again. "He is in
Macau. China."

She sets the mug down on the photo of Hillary Clinton gently once again. "I
want to talk about that with you sometime this weekend too. At some point I
need to fly to Macau to meet Daniel and sort out an arrangement. He knows
not to come back to this apartment, but I need to work out a way forward
with respect to our financial relationship. There is an element of wealth
involved and I don't want him gambling it all away. We can deal with that
later though. I want you to stay positive and focus on your speech. You are
ready, aren't you?" Mel stands up, drinks the last of the coffee in her mug
and walks past me towards one of the sinks in the kitchen.

"That is cool. Yeah, I am ready for the most part." I stop myself from
touching the back of my head as I don't want to mess up my hair. "You know
what they say, Mel."

"What's that?"

"You can pick your friends, but not your family. I am very happy that I can
call you both."

Mel takes a step toward me and we hug one another. "I hope you are ready
and have that many kind words jotted down for your speech later. Seriously
though, you have finished it?" Mel pats me on the back and then opens the
refrigerator.

I pick up the bottle of water. "I think of it as a rough draft. How can it
ever be finalised? I am practicing for ultimately speaking not only at
Voldemort's funeral but also Daniel's at some point, and that is weighing
on me to be honest." I shrug my shoulders and screw the cap on the bottle
with extra torque.

"Jesus, Chezdon. Don't be so morbid. I am sorry that I can't be there with
bloody court and all. I wish that Minister was with Shaun in the car when
he met his demise, my life would be so much easier." Mel walks toward me
and begins to adjust my tie. "Are you taking Jayden with you?"

"Can I ask you a question?"

Mel reaches over and begins to undo my tie. She begins to reconfigure it
into a different knot that I have no clue as how to tie. "Sure. Almost
anything." She smiles. Strangely I quickly think of the McGuire home
invasion before opening my mouth.

"The concept of being a friend versus a lover. Do the dynamics change as
you get older?" I move the newspaper, allowing me to skim the headlines
whilst Mel continues to work on the knot, gradually tightening it around my
neck.

"I don't know what you mean."

"I guess what I want to know as you get older, are you friends for a
shorter amount of time before two people become lovers? Is the notion of
friendship between two people less important as you get older?" Mel pulls
down on my tie, pinches the knot with her fingers and steps back.

"Perfect." Mel picks up her phone and quickly looks at the display. "I
think it is the opposite as you get older Chez. Friendship becomes much
more important and if it evolves to people becoming lovers, the
relationship tends to be stronger."

"Were you and my father considered friends for very long then before you
became lovers?" I tilt my head to the side and chew on my thumbnail like
Austin would. I seem to have picked up his annoying habit.

"We can talk about that later. You need to go to the dentist. This might
sound stupid but can I take a selfie of us?" Mel smiles and begins swiping
at her phone.

"I don't think it is a selfie if there are others in the photo, Mel." I
chuckle. "Go for it."

"Don't give me shit Chez, I get enough of that in court." She wraps her arm
around me and I tap my hand on her head and then wrap my arm around
her. She extends her arm and takes a few photos whilst we stare at the lens
of her Galaxy S6 like foolish children. I can't help but smile though. I
kiss her on the cheek which surprises her and the last photo that she takes
demonstrates her shock, which is classic. "I know what I am using as my
wallpaper now." She begins to tap her phone with her finger incessantly.

I smile and grab my bottle of water. "Oh god. Send me those photos please."

"Will do." Mel finishes fiddling with the phone and slips it into the
pocket of her suit jacket. "April is the cruellest month. Check out the
poem by T.S. Elliot. It could put things in perspective since this month
hasn't exactly been the greatest for you." Mel looks at her
watch. "Seriously, you need to get to the dentist and I need to go. Let me
know what is going on later and I will try to join you or at least pick you
up, no promises though. Good luck, Chez." I hug Mel again before she picks
up her bags and walks toward the foyer.

Having noticed an interesting by-line in the newspaper earlier when I was
hugging Mel, my eyes are drawn to it yet again. `More police patrols
expected for the Port Melbourne nude beach."

~

"Open your mouth please, Chezdon." The tooth fairy asks with both goggles
and a mask obscuring his face as he hovers over me. He pokes, prods and
scrapes at my teeth and gums. "Okay, Chezdon. You can rinse out your
mouth." The chair that I am laying on begins to hum and it returns me to a
sitting position.

The dentist removes his mask and goggles revealing his cartoon-like
face. "You are still drinking a fair amount of Coke, aren't you?"

Assuming he is talking about what I put in my mouth, I am eager to
respond. "Not that much, I have cut back." I honestly have. I used to drink
far more Dr Pepper and Coke but after all the lectures from the dentist and
the cost of cans of Dr Pepper being extortionate in Australia, I have cut
my consumption dramatically. "Seriously mate!" The dentist flashes me an
apprehensive look.

"What I am seeing is a bit of erosion since the last time we took an
X-ray. I can fill in your molars to compensate today, however I really need
you to cut out those sorts of drinks. Once the dentin on your teeth
disappears, that is it, there is no coming back from that. We have never
talked about how much coffee you drink, but you need to keep that to a
minimum too as that is highly acidic and will also stain your teeth." The
dentist looks less than impressed with my oral hygiene. "Do you drink
coffee?"

"Oh really? I do probably drink too much coffee."

"Coffee is highly acidic. If you were older I would tell you to keep the
wine to a minimum as that is somewhat acidic also. Something to consider
for the future."

I feel the inside of my mouth and wipe my teeth with my tongue. "Honestly
when I was younger, I had an eating disorder. It is something that I manage
now. I suppose vomit doesn't help teeth, does it? The only time I vomit now
is occasionally when I drink too much." I chuckle but the look on the face
of the tooth fairy doesn't change.

"Yes, Chezdon. Your X-rays show that there is thinning of the enamel on the
backs of your front teeth, but that hasn't progressed for some time so I do
assume that you have that unfortunate condition under control." The concept
of control makes me roll my eyes. If he knew how out of control the last
three weeks of my life have been he would not only be mortified but also
wonder how I haven't resorted to the lost art of purging again. "Don't take
it personally as I tell everyone the same thing. Coke, Diet Coke, coffee,
give it up. I can fill in your eroded molars today or we can make another
appointment if you want." I have money available in my bank account and
would prefer not to have to come back and sit in the chair for six more
months so with some enthusiasm I proclaim, "let's sort it out now."

The tooth fairy works my mouth over as he tells me about the trip that he
recently made to Europe. I gargle and spit a few times when it is suggested
that I do so and ultimately pay the bill by swiping my debit card. The wise
words from the dentist distract me from further formulating the speech that
I must make soon and his words leave me pondering my own life since I moved
to Melbourne as I walk out of the building.

When I first moved to Melbourne, I felt that I had no control over my life
or my body. I was resentful for having to having to leave my friends in
Sydney behind. The only control I thought I had was over what I effectively
put in my body. As the marriage between Daniel and Kelly quickly
disintegrated around me I thought keeping control was exercising it over
myself since I could not control anyone else or even where I lived. I could
control the excommunication of my mother. My father in turn could control
not having any more children. I could control not coming out of the closet
and not being outed at school. Extreme levels of control have not been
healthy for me or my family and have played out like a tennis match. My
teeth have turned out to be innocent bystanders in my silly quest for
control. I know I can do better, not only taking care of my teeth but
relationships in general. I get that now.

~

"Mr Morrison. Chezdon. May I speak with you?"

I turn around and see the headmistress of Melbourne Grammar School. Her
minions are forming a phalanx behind her all holding phones and tablets and
fortunately for me not spears and shields. "Yes, miss?"

She tugs at her suit jacket. Her perfectly coiffed hair resembles the
photos that I have seen of Margaret Thatcher. She has accessorised pearls
to her wardrobe for today's event. "Please remove that piercing from your
face. You are representing this institution today. Whilst you do that I
would feel more comfortable reviewing the speech that you are going to
read."

The iron lady extends her bony hand towards me. Her gold and diamond
bracelet noticeably rattles against her Rolex watch. I quickly tug on my
lip piercing and remove it. I never planned to wear it later. I unfastened
it earlier and was going to wait until the last possible second to remove
it as I don't want the hole in my lip to start to close. I place the
piercing in her hand.

"Chezdon, no, not that. Thank you though, you are very kind. I would like
to review your speech if you do not mind."

"Honestly, I have notes and not a complete speech written." I notice that
my accent has slightly changed since the piercing is no longer molesting my
tongue. "I am ready though."

"That is unacceptable, Chezdon. I know your stance on religion and I can't
have you bringing this school or its reputation into disrepute. You are
going to at least acknowledge religion, aren't you? This is too important
not to." The headmistress appears flustered. I have never seen her show any
emotion and even her minions appear to be frazzled. "This is not only
important for your school, but it will follow you for all posterity." She
stands up straight, arches her back and once again pulls down on her black
suit jacket. "This is the most stressed that I have been in my thirty-year
career in education. I don't agree with you doing this speech. Why did you
agree to it? You don't even believe in a God and I know from talking to
these people-" She quickly turns and motions to her minions. "That you hold
this place in contempt. Christ, Chezdon." She pauses. "Just for the love of
Christ, don't talk about the policy that we debated with respect to the
restrooms." I really think that the stress of this event and the ensuing
events from the last week has gotten to the headmistress and wore her
out. She finally grasps my lip piercing in her hand like a nugget of gold
and places her clasped hands in her suit pockets.

I watch Sky News setting up a television camera in the distance over her
shoulder. "It will be fine, I won't let you down, Miss. If you don't like
what I say, don't give me back that piercing. I really want it back or else
the hole in my lip will close, so I have a motivation to perform well." I
want to perform well. She doesn't need to know how motivated I really am
though.

She scoffs. "Your lip piercing stands in the way of me keeping my job or
not. Fine, I will give this back to you when and if." She pauses and then
remains silent. I believe she has run out of words to say. I feel like
chuckling, but I am too wound up myself and know that this will be a
defining moment in my young life. I am scared shitless but I can't let her
know that. I can't let anyone know that. The headmistress turns and walks
away from me and towards the Sky News cameraman with her minions following
her.

I walk outside St Peters chapel and around the corner, propping myself up
against the bluestone wall once I find some shade. I am far enough from not
only the public viewing gallery but also the people milling around where I
can relax. I feel as if I have been speaking for six days straight and I am
exhausted. I just want to sleep for a week and I still have `date night' to
look forward to tonight. Of course, I might not make it if the public tar
and feather me if I make a pitiful performance shortly like so many people
expect. Why did I agree to this? I am surprised that with the recent
scandal with my nudes being shared on Instagram that the school didn't toss
me out let alone agree to let me speak today. When Australian's google
Chezdon Morrison will they discover I am the son of Daniel, the successful
entrepreneur? Perhaps Kelly, who is the wannabe Real Housewife of
Melbourne? Or will they find my nudes on Instagram, silly Twitter rants and
a sad performance on YouTube as an aside on what should be a day
celebrating life. I need to do well. I owe it to him for saving Jayden's
life.

My phone vibrates and I remove it from my suit pocket. I see Malcolm is
ringing me and I hope it is not bad news as that is what he is good for
reporting as of late. I convey where I am answering his innocent
request. After a few minutes, he finds me with my back propped up against
the bluestone wall of the church. "Hey mate. How are you doing?" Malcolm
queries me with a smile.

"Mate, I am nervous as fuck." I begin to chew on a fingernail and wonder
where Austin is. "Don't let it get around though." I manage to smile with
my fingernail stuck in between my freshly polished teeth.

"How many people do you reckon are out here?" Malcolm asks whilst typing a
message on his phone.

"Three hundred or so in the chapel and there are seats for seven hundred
out here but I have been told there could be up to two thousand people
ready to heckle me. Why do you think I am hiding here in the shadows?" If
the kids on X-Factor and Australia's Got Talent can embarrass themselves in
front of a studio audience this size and a wider national television of
around a million people, I figure, I don't have anything to lose,
really. Who watches Sky News anyway? "Mate, you wouldn't mind giving me
some alone-time, would you? I am not even sure of what I am going to say
yet."

Shocked from my words, Malcolm drops his phone. "You don't have a speech
ready? Fuck me Chezdon." He retrieves his phone from the ground. "Okay
mate, I will catch you later. Will catch up with you afterwards, if you
haven't been stoned to death. Good luck."

I snicker and look up the side of the bluestone wall that I am leaning
against. "If they kill me, at least they will not have to move my body
far. Just dig a hole here and toss me in mate."

Malcolm laughs and then hugs me. "You will do great mate. Later." He walks
off in the direction of the white chairs that are quickly being set upon by
bodies. A large outdoor weatherproof television has been erected and the
live video is currently streaming displaying the alter and the opus sectile
panels inside of the church. Sky News must have set up another camera to
film that perspective. I sigh, grasp my phone in my hand and pull the
plastic ID pass that I was issued before walking back to the entrance of
the chapel. The smartly dressed security agent scans the pass with a wand
and frisks me before allowing me to enter the restricted area again. I
wander along the perimeter of the church, admiring the carved details of
the reredos. I have been in here at least three hundred times but I have
never paid much attention to the detail on the walls until now. The
sunlight bursting through the colourful stained glass on the west side of
the mediaeval Gothic structure motivates me to pause and reflect. Not about
religion or my place in this world, but the here and now. Right here and
right now. I really need to get my shit together.

I would feel much better about what is about to transpire if Mel was here
with me. I imagine the ghost of Shaun is indirectly haunting me in this
holy place and it makes me cringe. Him and his dodgy mates sharing photos
of children in the dark recesses of the web has kept Mel from being here in
one of my moments of need. It does make me smile knowing that the kangaroo
prevented him for committing suicide though. Whatever result today brings,
he is gone and certainly will not be forgotten. Reflecting as I stare at
the illuminated stained glass, I can't help but wonder what I am destined
for next. Three weeks ago, I thought I knew what I wanted out of life, but
everything has changed and an ominous sense of dread envelops me when I see
Austin and his parents walk through the doors of the western entrance to
the chapel. Kevin McGuire must donate a substantial amount of money to this
school to get his family access to this event, but as a megalomaniac, he
wouldn't miss it for the world. He would be seething that his son was not
asked to make this speech and he would be hoping that I fall flat on my
face and tarnish my surname. That I am confident of regardless of any
monetary arrangement between our two families.

Julie attempts to usher Kevin and Austin to vacant seats after spotting me
standing against the wall however Kevin catches my eye, smiles and then
begins to walk towards me. His family follows. Whilst I wait for them to no
doubt offer me some words of wisdom, I shake hands with former students
that I spoke with earlier this week. I have shared words with so many faces
they have all merged into one huge blur. I am horrible with names and faces
anyway unless they are hot like certain band members that I am obsessed
with. I do remember one guy previously saying that he had flown in from
Hong Kong for this. The pressure builds and as the McGuire's, sans Chloe
walk closer, I can feel the perspiration accumulate in my armpits. I knew I
should have shaved them so that the chemicals would be more effective.

"Hi Kevin, Julie. It is good to see you." I extend my arm and shake Kevin's
hand. He slaps me on the back a few times and gives me a hug. I give Julie
an air-kiss on each of her cheeks before giving Austin a hug.

"Chezdon, Hello." Kevin finally says as I break my embrace with Austin. He
smells like lavender. "I would say congratulations, but I don't think under
the circumstances, it is the best word to use. It is better I just say that
I know you will be great. Just believe in yourself. Talk like you are
having a friendly word with say, Austin. It will make this easier." Kevin
looks around. Who is here with you? Not your father I hope."

"My father is in Macau, on business." Austin and I exchange a deadpan
look. Kevin and Julie both scoff simultaneously knowing that I am
embellishing the facts, but who cares really. "Mel is in court." I put my
hand in my pocket and pull out a plastic security guard with `GUEST'
emblazoned on it. "Is Chloe here?"

"Yes, she is outside, waiting for her mother." Of course, Kevin would send
his wife outside to sit in the sun and watch this with his only daughter on
the large television. Julie looks at her watch and then around the chapel,
trying to spot anyone considered A-list. I am confident of that.

"Here." I hand my spare security card to Kevin. "Use it to get Chloe in
here. There is no point Chloe sitting out there if Julie has a pass to be
in here."

Kevin snatches the card from my hand. "That is very kind of you
Chezdon. Thank you. Would you like to come to our house when this
concludes? I am sure that my only son would like that."

I know that his only son has a mouth and I refrain from telling him
so. More importantly I give some respect to this holy place and do not
articulate how in fact Austin has used his mouth in the past. "We will
see. I need to survive this. Can we touch base later?" Kevin nods. "Austin,
here." I hand my phone to Austin. "Can you hold on to this? The last thing
I need is it vibrating when I am up there."

"You could just turn it off, you know." Julie offers. "It isn't that hard."

Kevin gyrates his head around quickly and glares at Julie. "Shut your mouth
woman!"

I ignore Kevin and look at Austin. "I will get it from you later. Okay? I
would prefer not to have a bulge in my pocket." Austin takes my phone and
places it face-down against his and slides both devices into the pocket of
his suit jacket.

Austin hugs me again. "Good luck. You will do fine." He pats my back and
pushes himself away from me. "What happened to your piercing?"

"Headmistress took it. We made a deal." I smile. "The bitch."

Austin smiles. "Oh, Jesus Christ."

"Austin!" Julie squeals and slaps him on his shoulder. "Where are you?"

"Sorry." We both stare at the floor and chuckle. I needed a laugh to cut
the tension that was building up in the air around us. "Cya Chez." Austin
takes a few steps before turning around and walking away. His parents
follow him back outside, no doubt desperately searching for Chloe.

Time passes. I am lost in my own little world but I continue to shake hands
with familiar faces that I met throughout the week and share solumn
words. I am offered encouragement and platitudes from strangers. I respond
with sombre appreciation, expressing my sadness and articulating my regret
that we have had to come together today in this place, but we will
persevere and be stronger for it I profess when I can. Eventually, we are
asked to take our seats by a priest, which causes everyone that was outside
to quickly scurry to the entrance of the chapel and navigate the security
screening process in earnest. Eventually when the church is filled to
capacity and when everyone is seated, the priest says a few words before
introducing the Archdiocese of Melbourne. He begins to officiate the
service and reads scripture from the Book of Common Prayer which leads into
a long-winded sermon. I start counting in my head, second by second,
knowing that at some point that I will be asked to go up and stand before
everyone here and be judged. All eyes will be on me. I can't make jokes
about the Collingwood Magpies and use humour to defuse any awkwardness or
discomfort. This is far too important and I am far outside my comfort
zone. My father would be the first one to encourage me if he was here. He
would insist that you need to operate outside of your natural comfort zone
to evolve. To move forward.

Once the twenty-minute sermon finishes I am nearly in the land of nod. The
first of three eulogies honouring the deceased begins. There are tears,
sniffling around me and then silence as the second person walks to the
lectern to begin eulogising the guest of honour. I can't do this. I can
barely breathe. I won't even be able to say his name. I am going to be on
television for Christ's sake. All my friends are outside
watching. Australia is watching on Sky News. Faking a heart attack would be
bad form right about now and when I am eventually introduced to give the
final eulogy, I quickly stand up clutching two pieces of paper in my hand
and begin to slowly walk to the alter. I am careful to measure my steps and
nearly laugh as I imagine tripping and falling on live television in front
of the people assembled here and everyone else that is watching. I lick the
inside of my lip, wishing part of my piercing was there and then pick up my
pace as I take the final steps to the lectern. I look up at the bright
stained glass windows again briefly before looking directly at one of the
television cameras. I gaze out towards the hundreds of people both seated
and standing in the chapel but it is hard to see with the fake and natural
light shining on my face.

I remember to breath and then begin speaking. "I am honoured to have been
asked by Tony McVey's family to speak in this place today. I am humbled to
be in the presence of all of you and especially his family, his friends and
the broader community. He was so proud of Melbourne Grammar School and it
is easy to see why today as I look out and see so many students from the
past, present and even future ones. Tony was taken from this life, his
family and loved ones at the tender age of just fifty-five. He left a mark
on not only on our school but also the greater society that needs no
embellishment. I look out and see a former Prime Minister of Australia in
attendance here who was a student of this place. I also see academics,
historians, scientists, politicians, barristers, soldiers and professional
athletes just to name a few. I don't know about you, but I keep looking for
Mr McVey as I look out over this communion and only hope that these words
will not only make him, but you proud as we celebrate his life through
words.

I know it's weird, but throughout the week I have expected to get an e-mail
from him or to see his face when I turn a corner rushing to get to my next
class. Is this what we call a life-force? Maybe it is his energy that I
feel. If so, then his energy is still with me and I hope it never leaves. I
think it is here with all of us right now.

I walked to the quadrangle just outside this place yesterday. I would often
see Tony reading at lunch. I took off my shoes and felt the stone beneath
my feet which is where students that he taught treaded so many times. We
have all walked in his path but have never stopped to consider it. He and I
and so many of his friends here today have built relationships through this
school and through this community. We have taken chances and lived dreams
that were the foundations of ideas that we devised through his love of
words and literature. Over the past few days I have had the pleasure of
talking with many of you. Many have been former students, and you have
explained to me of the impact Tony has had on each one of you. Your words
were poignant, much like the ones that we as students who when take the
time to understand them in the books; literature that Tony shared with us,
makes for a preface for our lives. I am living through those words now.

Later, I walked to the place where Tony tragically fell. It is currently
cordoned off and being rebuilt. But it is not forever, the place that he
fell and left us. I stood there, kneeled and touched the concrete and
smiled. I could swear that Tony was there with me, helping me get to my
feet to make sure that I am fine, like he will be remembered for doing for
others at that place. For the lives that he saved, including my best
mate. Tony was whispering in my ear yesterday. He was telling me off for
being petulant and for testing his patience. He then reminded me to hurry
to class. He told me off for challenging the rules all the while
encouraging me to do better and to push myself harder so that one day that
I will help write the rules with all of those that have come before me in
this place. Sometimes after class we would speak about literature or even
movies. Sometimes he would even tell me a useless fact about the life of a
sloth. I would admire the paintings that he hung around his classroom as I
cursed the assignments for wedging me somewhere between heaven and hell.

I know that Tony loved his job. Even challenging students like me could not
faze him. There are so many former students here today, all who would
happily trade me for Tony and his booming voice up here right now. He
dedicated his heart and life to teaching. He lived to educate precocious
boys in this wonderful place that we call our school. All the people here
and perhaps even spirits and other energy that we can't understand know
that Tony had a heart who lived his life for this school and teaching
us. Although I think as teenagers we never truly appreciate our education
until we leave it far behind, this man's soul enriched not just us in this
place but an unenumerable amount of souls that could not be here with us
today. Just as every other educator that has come before Tony and the ones
that come after him will in different ways.

Even now I can see Tony swaggering into this place, ready to correct my
sentence structure and offer advice. My words now will never be able to
describe my appreciation, or even the heart of a man who lived his life for
us. Whose soul enriched not just us, but this school and our lives.

Indigenous Australians believe that a person's spirit is connected to the
land. When I walked this campus barefoot, I know they are right. Tony's
spirit touched me on campus, at the place where he fell and it will forever
be with me. He is here now whispering in my ear telling me when to pause
and take a breath and is giving me grief for my run-on sentences. This will
forever be a sacred ground for me as I can see how he has touched so many
people who have travelled to be here from around the world.

The tributes from former students to Tony kept me going this week. The
photos shared on social media even got a hashtag trending on Twitter. He
would be so proud that so few words shared by so many people could have
such an impact but would shutter at the mention of Twitter." The audience
laughs. I take a breath and find my second wind.

I raise my voice a few decibels as my confidence grows. "The photos shared,
the words and even the prayers have shown me that his spirit is out
there. The sense of loss from the people who have not only come here today,
to this place, but those who reached out on social media have not only
sustained me but overwhelmed me equally. There were times this week I was
scared that I would not do Tony justice speaking here and knowing that I
was put up here before his work was complete saddens me. When I insisted
that there are much more eloquent people out in the world and including
everyone in this place today, Tony's spirit encouraged me and held me
upright when I thought I could not proceed with this. He is holding me
upright now as I can feel him as I say each and every word now.

Tony's love of words has brought all of us closer together. He always
wanted to bring people together and he always wanted to celebrate his love
of knowledge and share with us the people that inspired him.

From the little boy that was holding a candle tribute last night at the
place where he fell, to the former federal and state leaders of this great
country who are with us here now. Tony's spirit brings us together. His
words, the knowledge that he imparted on us, are the ties that bind all of
us and I will cherish this moment forever."

I stop speaking, grab on to the side of the lectern and will myself not to
lose control of my emotions. I take a deep breath and look up. With the
lights shining directly into my moist eyes, I can't identify a single face
but I manage to focus and pretend that I do. Despite a long few seconds of
hearing people sniff and sob, I manage to compose myself and I continue
after folding the pieces of paper that I brought with me in half and
turning them upside down.

"The bonds that lead not only boys but adults from around the world coming
here have Tony in common. I have talked to people that didn't even know
Tony and have watched them lay flowers at the memorial site on St Kilda
Road. These gestures have brought Melbourne to a stand-still today as we
make our own heart-felt tributes. The bonds that saw his family and
friends, both old and new gather at this place today to say their prayers
and farewells. This is what proves that teaching is the greatest profession
in the world. It is the tie that binds us together. Education.

Tony's spirit, which is now part of all of us forever, will be with us
whenever we read. Whenever we write. We must listen to it, we must cherish
it, we must learn from it. So, rest in peace, Tony. I'll see you around
campus."

Before I can step out of the blinding light and get some sense of
validation, onlookers seated in the chapel begin to clap. As I walk from
the light, the guests seated in the front row begin to stand and everyone
seated in this place follows suit. Walking from the lectern and away from
the alter, I am in shock as former Prime Minister Fraser steps towards me
and shakes my hand. The headmistress then meets me, puts her arm around me
and escorts me back to my seat, past where Tony McVey's immediate family
and are standing. One by one, I shake their hands and begin to share my
tears with them as I thank them for their kind words. When I am close to my
seat, the headmistress speaks into my ear. The applause nearly drowns her
words out. "That was unbelievable, Chezdon. You made him proud. I never
expected that." I quickly wipe at the tears running down my face with the
back of my hand. She grabs my wrist and puts my lip ring into the palm of
my hand and I quickly take my seat. The applause continues until the
Archdiocese of Melbourne begins to walk to the lectern. It is only then
people begin to sit once again and the noise stops.

~

The interment of Tony's ashes has been arranged as a private family affair
so all invited guests and members of the public viewing area converge
together to attend a post-funeral reception in the quadrangle. My speech
affords me the opportunity to take part in sombre conversation with what
seems to be a constant stream of people who I shake hands with, hug or
both. I talk about Kafka, William Blake, Charles Dickens and provide
anecdotes proving that Tony had the patience of a Saint for having to
endure a student like me.

Whilst speaking to Barry Humphries about his alter egos `Dame Edna Everage'
and `Sir Les Patterson' the headmistress once again approaches me with her
minions. She introduces herself to Barry and they been a nostalgic
conversation about the school in its heyday. Despite fatigue setting in and
having a very dry mouth as I am forced to watch adults drink from goblets
filled with wine, I listen patiently, nod and smile. I observe and
evaluate. Jayden walks up and casually taps the side of my head with his
cast. "Hey. Good speech mate. You had me hooked when you said spirit."

I chuckle. Barry excuses himself and I am once again left with the
headmistress with Jayden at my side. "Chezdon, I had planned to have your
speech framed and hung at the Tony McVey memorial. You can only imagine how
shocked I was when I saw it." She holds the two folded pieces of paper out
in front of her. I assume these pieces of paper to be the notes that I
referenced when giving my speech. My heart skips a beat when I remember
that I abandoned them on the lectern. "Where is your speech and what the
hell are these? I was mortified when the Archdiocese handed these papers to
me."

I rub my eyes. "That is my speech miss." I feel like grabbing the glass of
white wine that she is holding and drinking it. I am so thirsty. "Those are
my notes actually."

She unfolds the two pieces of paper. She shows me the one blank page and
hands it to me. She then reads what I wrote on the other piece of
paper. "Jesus Fuck! Jayden has been hit by a car." She looks up and hands
me the other piece of paper. "Care to explain this?"

"Those are the nine words that Malcolm said to me when he rang me from the
accident scene last Friday. They will be stuck in my head for the rest of
my life I reckon. Since Jayden is fine, I replaced Mr McVey for Jayden and
just talked winged it. Some canned speech wasn't appropriate considering
the circumstances. I would have done the same if I was giving a eulogy for
Jayden or even say someone else that is close to me." I put my arm around
Jayden and he takes a sudden interest in looking at his shoes.

The headmistress doesn't speak, but just nods repeatedly. "Just try to
avoid the Archdiocese. I believe he wants to have word with you about how
you choose your words." She gives the faintest of smiles and quickly turns
and walks past her minions who quickly follow her.

"You made that up as you went? Jesus." Jayden asks. "Holy shit."

"Be careful mate or else the Archdiocese will be having a word with you
too." We giggle and look around. "You need to say g'day to Barry. He is a
top bloke."

Jayden digs in his pocket and pulls out a black sharpie. "You never signed
my cast arsehole. I made sure the prime real estate stayed blank just for
you. Give me your autograph cunt before you are whisked away."

I grab the sharpie from Jayden and pull off the cap. I pause and consider
what to write on his cast. "What is taking you so long fool? You can make
up speeches on demand but can't write a few words without thinking about
it? What is wrong with you?" Jayden lightly taps me on the head with the
cast again.

"Give it to me!" I demand with authority. Jayden holds out his arm. I begin
to write, taking care to make my chicken scratch somewhat legible.

April is the cruellest month...  Even moderation is needed in moderation.
 Xx Chez.

I then draw a picture of a circumcised penis next to my words. "Show this
to the Archdiocese mate when he has a word with you. Let me know how that
goes." I smile and punch Jayden lightly on the shoulder and hand the
sharpie back to him.

"I love it! I knew you could come up with something if given say two
seconds. You are clever dick!" Smartly dressed gentlemen hover around, one
looks at me keen to have a chat. "Jayden." I nudge him. "Let's catch up
later mate. I think I need to circulate."

"Yeah cool, I will message you later." Jayden taps me with his cast once
again. "Love it mate. Love you man."

I slowly retreat from Jayden and circulate slowly amongst the
crowd. Finally, I apologise repeatedly that I must retire to use the
bathroom and walk away from the gaggle. Once out of sight, I flee through
one of the open gates and jump in a cab that is waiting with its yellow
roof light active. I request that the driver take me to Eureka tower and
then sit in silence re-reading my limited notes. What would I have said if
it was Jayden that I was giving a eulogy for I wonder. What would I say
about my father or even my mother? I can fire off a poignant speech about a
teacher who I did not know intimately but those that I do and who are close
to me in so many contrasting ways, I lament that I would struggle to say
anything meaningful on-demand. Just guttural noise would be shared.

Before fleeing the cab, I remember that I asked Austin to hold on to my
phone. I curse loudly drawing the ire of the cab driver before apologising
and wishing him a great day after paying the fare. Having lived on
adrenaline for the last few hours and no coffee has made me forget about my
phone and the fact that I didn't make time to say anything to Austin before
suddenly leaving the reception.

My apartment is quiet and thankfully cold when I walk in. I slowly close
the door behind me and listen to the latch click. Whilst walking to my
room, I begin to undo the complicated knot that Mel turned my tie into and
finally toss the silk onto my cluttered desk along with my speech. I strip
naked all the while appreciating the silence and the cold air blowing on my
body from the vent above. I fall backwards on my bed, feeling the cold
exterior of the duvet cushion my back. I am so comfortable.

If I close my eyes, I know that I will sleep. I convince myself that if I
go for a run my endorphins will start rushing. What I need is a natural
high. The last time I went for a jog, I ended up getting drunk, high, and
suckling Jayden's penis. With date-night officially approaching, I vow to
go about things differently this time around and use natural endorphins to
my advantage. Before I succumb to laziness, I dress myself in comfortable
black running shorts and a white singlet. I am literally running out of the
apartment before I know it. I find myself quickly settling in to a fast
pace jogging down Southbank Promenade and without music blaring in my ears
for a change, I find myself paying attention to the sounds of the city. An
ambulance siren, the sound of the exhaust of a Harley Davidson accelerating
and a helicopter taking off from the Spring Street helipad, bound for the
airport. Sounds that I normally drown out with music.

I run to Beacon Cove and increase my pace as I turn left instead of
right. Instead of heading towards Sandridge Beach and Westgate Park, I run
the opposite direction and dash toward St Kilda Pier, a mere five
kilometres away. I sprint along the edge of the bay with the cool wind
blowing through my hair and against my body. The breeze makes the sweat
that is beginning to saturate my shirt exceptionally cold. When I
eventually get to the pier and turn around, the wind blows against my back,
encouraging me along and I am grateful for nature's favour. My white
singlet becomes more saturated with sweat as I maintain what should be the
fastest and longest pace that I have ever run. Devising my own renditions
of popular songs keeps my mind active and me amused as I continue to push
my body.

The anticipation for the date I have planned for tonight builds as I
consider the framework for it and what may eventually evolve later in the
evening. I must stop running to place my foot on a bench and tie my shoe. A
group of teenage boys that are jogging on the path, no doubt being forced
to because of the training mandated by their own school begin to jog past
me. I am given the chance to check out the boys running past and most of
them are not wearing shirts, which gives me the opportunity to perve. Some
boys are tanned and others are pale. Some have large muscular chests and
others are thin and weedy. Some are taller than me, others are shorter. I
watch them continue to jog past as I take a seat on the bench and watch. I
could run for my school but I reckon the concept of it being fun would fade
quickly. This is my time. It is my thing. I run for myself, and it is
especially true if a cop is chasing me. My silent dry humour makes me laugh
out loud as I catch the eye of the last teenager running at the back of the
pack jog past me.

I stand up and pull my sweaty singlet over my head, wadding it up and wrap
it around my hand as I begin to jog and pick up my pace again. Sweat begins
to flow from my pores which would make me appear incandescent as the late
afternoon sun shines on my sweaty skin. Natural endorphins begin to make my
mind perform like the engine of a Porsche Cayenne as I overtake dawdlers
and even other runners on the footpath. The stitch developing in my side is
telling me that I am pushing my body to the limit as I turn right onto the
footpath that follows the tram tracks at Beacon Cove. The residential
towers of Southbank and Eureka beckon me in the distance. I will myself to
push on and endure the agonising pain that is increasing in my right
side. I know that I can endure this pain as I have endured every other
psychological and physical pain in my young life. I continue to push harder
and try to run faster. I tell myself that I am a leader. I am not a quitter
and I am goddamned Chezdon Morrison.

I am greeted by one of the two traffic lights on the journey near the
convention centre which forces me to stop. I prop myself up against a pole
and watch a tram glide past. Commuters leer at me from the window shocked
like they have never seen a sweaty shirtless teenager before. They probably
think I am indeed running from the police. Screw them!

With the stitch in my side making me believe that is what it would feel to
have a knife inserted into my kidney and be twisted, I walk the rest of the
way home and pull my wrinkled and wet singlet back over my head, which
covers my damp body as I approach Eureka Tower. I share the elevator with a
family who are returning home with groceries. I am confident that my body
odour will make them rethink their dinner choice tonight.

I indulge in my bad habit of searching for my phone when I return to my
room and remind myself that Austin still has it. It is a form of forced
digital detoxification and it is something that I do not mind for a
change. Noticing the time, I strip naked again, enjoy a cold shower and
primp and preen myself following my usual routine. I take extra care with
my hair again since it is getting longer and I apply even more hairspray to
it than I used this morning. I must actively avoid the open flames that
explode from the chimneys that border the perimeter of the Crown Casino
every hour on the hour I fear out of fear of self-immolation.

After dressing and fulfilling my role as a trendy representation of trashy
teenage youthfulness, I begin to rummage through my own bedside table. I
pull out two wrapped condoms from the box that I bought the other day when
I was at 7-11 and push them into my pocket. I will never be unprepared
again. I also locate the wad of cash that I removed from my father's
bedside table last week. I am looking forward to spending it tonight.

I frown when I notice that Mel still hasn't arrived home as I walk into the
kitchen, but when I notice that in five minutes the clock will strike 6:00
PM, I begin to hurry. Fortunately, the reservation that I made for 6:00 PM
at Nobu Restaurant is just down the Promenade and I will only be a few
minutes late. I detest being late for anything.

I walk quickly along the promenade curiously watching the professionals
drinking at the various bars and restaurants, celebrating the end of yet
another work week. One bloke goes out of his way to point at me and taps
his lady friend on her tit to get her attention. He must have seen me on
Sky News. Mel would have recorded the broadcast so I can bask in my
cringe-worthiness watching it later unless a clip courtesy of YouTube is
thrust in my face in a few minutes.

After walking into Crown Casino, I strut past the fountain that is spitting
water high up into the air which is considered a tourist attraction for
some reason. Only seconds later I stride into Nobu, apologise for being a
few minutes late and then notice that Petra is behind the lectern who
offers me a warm welcome.

"Hi Petra, I have a booking for Morrison at 6:00 PM." I first pull down on
my shirt and then look at my wrist, regretting that I did not wear a watch.

Petra intently examines a piece of paper. "Mr Morrison, welcome! Please
follow me."

I follow Petra. "Apologies for the confusion last week. Apologises for
missing my booking."

She turns her head and stares at me whilst she walks down the staircase
like a model would. "It is no problem, Mr Morrison. Sometimes life gets in
the way of plans." She smiles at me, and I grin. "Your guest has already
arrived."

Six chefs behind the sushi bar shout in unison, "irasshaimase" which is
then repeated by the floor staff. It is the customary welcome that everyone
is offered as you enter the depths of this Japanese restaurant. I wave to
the familiar faces behind the sushi bar as I have been here countless times
with my father. It is nice to be recognised for something besides being on
the news today.

I nod my head a few times and then turn to see James who has decided to
stand. I give him a hug before we take our seats and two members of the
floor staff begin to unfold the cotton serviettes that were previously
carefully folded and placed on the plate in front of us. They gently place
the serviettes on our laps in unison.

"Would you like something to drink?" The beautiful and petite Japanese
server asks with an Australian accent.

"An Asahi beer please. If you have it." James looks at me after responding.

"Yes sir, and for you?" I can't help but admire the server's perfect
complexion and I feel a smattering of jealousy.

"Sparkling water for me is fine."

"Yes sir." The server walks away.

"Wow, no alcohol for you tonight. I am impressed, Chez." James smiles.

I roll my eyes. "I am underage remember. Besides it could be a long night."
I wink. We begin to inspect the fish that is on display within the confines
of the glassed sushi bar in front of us. "Like I said, it is on me tonight,
mate. Did you try to message me? I don't have my phone."

"Yeah, I did, but I assumed you were just busy after your performance this
afternoon. You didn't strike me as the kind of guy that would be late or
stand me up, so I didn't worry much about your silence." I begin to turn
red after James references my speech. "I saw it. You did a great job. I
didn't even know that bloke who died, but you even made me cry."

I push my shoulder into James. "Shut up arsehole." The server brings our
drinks and sets a glass of Asahi in front of James and a glass of sparking
water in front of me and walks off with the half-filled bottles.

Although we have conversed on the phone multiple times this week and of
course messaged, it is good to finally have face-to-face
conversation. Actual interaction was needed so I can get to know him
better. When asked if we know what we want to order, I suddenly become
enthusiastic, take the menu from his hand and offer it and mine to the
server. "I am not one for reading words. Omakase!"

"Oh, Omakase." The server shouts at the chefs. "Omakase!"

"What is that?" James drinks from his glass of beer.

"The chef's choice. It will make things easy. After this week, I welcome
things being easy." I laugh which makes James laugh.

We talk about politics, religion, goals, aspirations, ambition and even
tell stories about sexual experiences that have gone awry. Only being able
to share how when I lost my virginity that I cut my foot entertains him. He
admits that one of the more awkward sexual experiences that he has had is
when I saw the lips of his anus kissing the two-litre bottle of Pepsi
earlier in the week. Laughter ensues and our conversation flows naturally
whilst the chef reaches over the counter, delicately setting small plates
of raw fish in front of us as the hours pass. James continues to drink beer
and I enjoy sparking water. After the long run to St Kilda and back, I am
extremely thirsty and fatigue begins to set in again about the time we are
offered dessert. "No dessert for me, conversation will be my dessert." I
proclaim and then chuckle.

"Nothing for me, I am fine. That was awesome" James smiles at the server
who then offers James the bill which I grab out of his hand. "Hey!" James
raises his voice. "I am the one that works, this would be a couple hundred
of dollars at least."

"I said don't worry about it." I reach into my pocket and pull out the wad
of cash that he would have seen earlier in the week. "It is on me. Thank
you for looking after me before. It is the least that I can do."

"No worries Chez. Thank you." James flashes me a smile as I count out fifty
dollar notes and round up the total, leaving a twenty percent tip.

I stand up and James follows my lead. The server quickly walks over and
takes the money that I left on the counter in front of
us. "Arigatogozaimashita," I say to her.

"Arigato Mister Chezdon. Sayonara." I shake the servers hand and bow
slightly, never knowing exactly what is really appropriate or expected. I
wave at the chefs behind the sushi bar, and thank them again for offering
us such beautiful fish. "See you soon."

This time I follow James up the steps, pass the spitting fountain in the
grand entranceway to Crown Casino and then outside into the brisk cold
night air, where I can see Eureka Tower in the background looming over all
the other residential towers. "OK, I am going to get a cab. It was good to
seeing you Chezdon and thank you for dinner mate. It was fun. I hope we can
do it again soon, but next time it is my shout!"

"Deal." I exclaim and then briefly shake his hand before giving him a
hug. "Enjoy your night. Who knows, I might stop by and see you tomorrow at
work."

"Oh yeah." James pulls away but keeps his hands on my shoulders. "Your
infamous weekly lunch with Bryce. How could I forget. Well, enjoy."

"Don't worry, I won't turn up drunk. I gave up drinking at breakfast. You
should be safe." I offer James a wide cheeky smile and he punches me on the
shoulder.

"Arsehole." James squeals before snickering. "Okay then, I am off. Maybe I
will see you tomorrow." He walks off and I watch him get into a cab. Before
it drives off, it pulls up next to me and the rear window is
lowered. "Hey. I had a thought. I have a great business idea for you."

Looking no doubt confused but intrigued, I grasp my arms with both of my
hands and cock my head to the right. "Oh?"

"You could start a noodle delivery business." James chuckles. "You could
call it `Send Nudes' but spell nudes as N-O-O-D-S." James laughs.

"Arsehole!" I shout and giggle. "See ya!" I raise my middle finger and
James waves out the window as the cab turns onto Queensbridge Street and
drives off toward the centre of Melbourne.

I take a deep breath, caressing my arse through my back pocket thinking
that my phone should be resting there. I remember that I don't have it and
I ponder how I managed to spend two hours with James and not once think
about my phone or what was happening in the world outside of Nobu. I remind
myself that I spent another two hours running and even hung out by myself
without being tethered to the device that would probably be overloaded by
messages and have run out of power. The digital detoxification has done me
good and I vow to do it once a week. Feeling refreshed, I stroll across the
busy street and throw the door of the TGI Friday's restaurant open. This is
yet another venue that not only my dysfunctional family often visits. My
friends and I also hang out here and frequently study here and take
advantage of the offer of unlimited soda refills. I leap onto an empty seat
in the bar area at a high table and turn my attention to the AFL coverage
on one many television screens. My Collingwood Magpies are doing well, but
it is only the start of the game. I remain hopeful for a positive result.

One of the staff members that I know by name walks over to greet me. I ask
for a sparkling water, heeding the advice of the tooth fairy. I crave
sugar, but I know I must give up the Coke and sadly Cherry Dr Pepper. I am
confident that I can live life without the tasty sugary carbonated
syrup. The server promptly brings me a bottle of San Pellegrino sparking
water and sets it and a glass in front of me as I watch Travis Cloke boot a
goal on the television. I express my jubilation verbally and with a pump of
my fist. The server and I begin to talk about the footy and my thoughts on
the AFL season so far. I am startled when two hands slap my back. It scares
the shit out of me and I scream, which I am known for doing because I am so
highly strung. "Jesus Christ!" I shout. The server bends down holding his
stomach laughing hysterically and I quickly turn my body around to see
Austin dropping a black duffle bag on the floor next to his feet. It is the
same one that he had with him when he planned to stay over just one week
ago, today.

Austin laughs like a madman and forces out his words. "You really need to
relax mate. You are too wound up." He hops onto a chair next to me
chortling. He glances at the television and then hands me my phone whilst
he continues to giggle. I quickly turn the phone off and gently set it on
the table.

"Happy date night!" I slide my glass of sparking water and the bottle of
San Pellegrino toward Austin." I look at the server, which distracts him
from the footy coverage. "Mate, do you think I can order an orange juice
please?" I think back to the sage words that James offered earlier in the
week which was a light bulb moment. The only time I have had sex when I
haven't been drunk or high has been with Austin. I know he is the one for
me now that the Gordian knot has been untied.

"Sure." The server walks away.

My eyes meet Austin's as he places his hand on my knee under the table. "I
just hope the juice is worth the squeeze." Nine more words that I will
never forget.

"I know I am."

********************************************************
A/N - Well, this is it. The end of a two year journey with Innocence
Waning. I hope you liked this! As always, I am keen to hear from you with
comments, abuse, feedback and thoughts. I am going to start writing another
book called Innocence Waxing where Jayden will be the main character this
time. I am really looking forward to getting into that. You can follow my
writing develops on my blog/site and of course I will publish the new
content here. If you feel like parting with 5 quid for the digital download
of Innocence Waning, you can buy it on my site and support my writing!
Surely 210k words is worth 5 quid? Mindless self-promotion is good, but I
need to pay for more wine as I certainly drank a heap of it when I was
writing this. So keep in touch, and the usual info is below.

https://innocence-waning.blogspot.com
chezdon1997@gmail.com