Date: Tue, 01 Dec 2015 04:55:39 +0000
From: Chezdon <chezdon1997@gmail.com>
Subject: Innocence Waning Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Feeling both emotionally and physically exhausted, the plod back to the
tram stop in Beacon Cove is tedious and cumbersome. Without being laden by
technology or even money, I have time to become lost in my own thoughts and
ponder life whilst meandering back to civilisation and ultimately my escape
from Port Melbourne. Spotting the transit police greeting all of the happy
passengers boarding the tram quickly reminds me of all of the bad decisions
that I have made since waking up. Not taking my public transit card with me
now officially ranks at the top of my list of epic fails for the day. If I
was feeling on top of my game, I would try to talk my way onto the tram and
explain to the uniformed thugs of my predicament however appearing
dishevelled, sweaty and wearing a dirty hoodie certainly doesn't help my
confidence so I resign to the fact that I will be walking home. My
frustration level seems to be linked with the rising ambient temperature
and I regret not wearing something more comfortable. I push up the thick
cotton sleeves of my hoodie and soldier on up the walking path and back
into seclusion and coolness of the shadows of the high rise towers in the
city.

Before I can even shut the front door after returning home my father
quickly confronts me in the foyer to remind me of some additional bad
decision that I recently made. "Where the hell did you go? You left Jayden
here and you just swanned off to hell knows where!"

"Sorry, I went to check in on Austin as he was sick and having a lay down
at Fed Square."

"That is bullshit!" It is rare that my father becomes angry with me let
alone swears at me, however on this occasion he has caught me out in my
lie. I must be really off my game today thanks to coming down from that
cocaine. "I know your phone is broken, I saw it this morning. How would
Austin get in contact with you? Do tell!" My father looks really pissed
off.

"Sorry, I just feel like hell and needed some air. I couldn't stand the
stink in my bedroom." This seemed like a plausible enough excuse to use as
I backtrack from being caught out.

My father obviously considers his position and I notice that he is choosing
his words carefully. "I don't know what has gotten into you Chezdon, but
sort yourself out. You look awful and please put on some clean clothes.
Look after yourself and more importantly look after your mate. Act like an
adult for a change." After the commentary and commands stop, he grabs a set
of keys from the tray near the door and leaves. He was obviously really
pissed off if he bothered to wait for me to return home so that I could
tell me off before going about his important business.

I return to my bedroom dejected and find Jayden resting under the sheets of
my bed watching television. "Hey! How are you feeling?" I wonder if he will
be pissed off at me also for going walkabout.

"Like I have been hit by a cricket ball. At least I didn't end up like Phil
Hughes, so all isn't lost." Jayden cracking a joke at the expense of the
dead manages to change my mood. I first thought if my father was so angry
about me disappearing earlier that Jayden must have been upset and said
something. I think briefly about the cricketer called Phil Hughes getting
hit on the head by a cricket ball the previous year and ending toes-up on
the pitch, dead. It puts things into perspective. I notice my damaged and
what I assume to be broken phone on my desk on top of a pile of school work
and retrieve it in one deft swoop and attempt to turn it on.

"I assume you are happy that you didn't buy a new one yesterday mate." As
Jayden inspects his social media stream on his working phone, I start to
feel deprived of technology and contact with the outside world. "I love
this. It has the most likes of any photo that I have ever posted." Jayden
turns his phone so the screen is displayed in my direction. I move closer
and see a white arse but then realise that it is in fact me mooning the
camera and looking back over my shoulder." A feeling of dread starts to
build as I wonder what the hell I got up to last night.

"Jesus, you posted a picture of my arse?" So many years of working hard to
keep anything besides my exposed arms and legs off the Internet now seems
to be in vain. "Hopefully that is it." I declare to make it seem like I
remember the photo being taken and the circumstances surrounding it. I then
grab Jayden's phone and start swiping through all of the photos that were
taken whilst we on the piss the previous night and the memories begin to
present themselves once more. Despite nearly twenty pictures being posted
to Instagram and Twitter putting our drunken antics on display for the
world to see, I do manage a chuckle as I view the snaps which were taken at
various levels of our collective party of four being intoxicated, the
highlights being Austin captured sticking his tongue in my ear, Jayden
getting a piggyback ride courtesy of Bryce and of course my bare arse
mooning the camera. A thirty second video also makes its world premiere
which stars me dancing on the black marble dining room table with the
background score being the song "18" by 5 Seconds of Summer and then
falling off with a resounding thump, swear word and groan, which in turn
results in my precious phone flying into the kitchen with clipped wings and
crashing onto the hard tiled cold floor. With that mystery solved without
the need to involve Miss Marple, I swipe back to the photo of my arse and
notice it has been `liked' 369 times in less than twelve hours. Not very
impressed, I toss the Sony Xperia back onto Jayden's chest and then turn my
attention to the urgent need to start shuffling through a desk drawer.

"What are you looking for Chez?"

"I have an old Galaxy S2 in here somewhere. The camera is broken though as
it failed to learn to swim in the washing machine."

"The washing machine?" Jayden laughs. "I am surprised it works at all."

"Me too. My father reckons that it is because after it was rescued, it
dried out for a week and the power wasn't turned on. Who would have thought
it would still work?" I continue to shuffle through the desk
drawers. "Apple shit never would after that torture."

"Who put it in the washer? The dodgy maid?"

"Actually I did."

"Since when do you do your own washing?"

"After school I stopped for a curry at Southgate one day." I know this
story is going to lead to a certain amount of ridicule but it distracts me
from having to give the blow-by-blow as to why I left earlier. "It didn't
agree with me and I couldn't get home quick enough. Let's just say that I
couldn't get onto the toilet and drop my guts timely and I thought I would
sort out the problem by doing my own washing and cleaning up my mess. In my
rush to get into the shower, I put my trousers with my wallet and phone
still in the pockets into the machine all at once. The money survived, but
nothing else did." Jayden started laughing during the story and now
seemingly cannot stop. "That is the last time I did any of my own wash and
I certainly didn't buy curry from that shitty place again." To coincide
with the end of my tale and my successful pun, I find the Galaxy S2 in
question and plug it into the charger. Stripping off my smelly and sweaty
hoodie with a sigh of relief, I collapse once again on my bed next to
Jayden and start to take my Galaxy S5 apart with the intention of
liberating the SIM card from the broken mess of tech.

"Jesus mate. You stink!" Jayden lurches quickly to the right. "You smell
like sweat and alcohol dude."

"You have purple stained lips fool."

Jayden starts to lick and rub his lips and then turns his attention towards
the television and the repeat episode of Game of Thrones that is
screening. King Tommen Baratheon has just finished the ancient act of sex
with Queen Margaery Tyrell. In what is interpreted as a controversial scene
in the press since the actor who plays Tommen is only sixteen in real life
looks exuberant on camera, personifying the `typical' randy teenager of
current times. "You would have your way with Tommen." Jayden muses with a
smile on his face. "Or maybe not, he is only sixteen so he is far too young
for you mate."

"Fuck you." The sledging about what sort of guy I like is becoming
tiring. I power on my old phone after inserting the SIM card and notice
that it now has a whopping 1% of battery in reserve. The 4G signal is found
and the wireless network is located so notifications of all types begin to
flood in: missed calls, text messages, e-mails, Twitter, Instragram,
Facebook and Snapchat alerts. The phone purrs like a cat as the seemingly
endless non-verbal communications appear. Feeling daunted, I start catching
up on everything that I missed out on since my Galaxy S5 took its fatal
fall onto the kitchen tiles. "Thanks arsehole, I have all of these randoms
adding me Instagram and messaging me on Twitter since you posted that photo
of my bare white arse."

"It is a hilarious photo, don't take it so seriously mate. It isn't like I
posted a dick-pic. You were posing for it and it seemed like a good idea at
the time hey?" Jayden has a wry smile on his face and puts emphasis on the
word `hilarious' as he gesticulates.

"Well it has been retweeted and shared, so I guess that I have to live with
it." I let out a noticeable sigh knowing that my father will ultimately see
his only son and namesake via some social media feed as he subscribes to
all popular and mainstream services mainly to keep an eye on his
spawn. "Whatever! I am over it." I revert to reviewing and responding to
text messages, one being from James expressing his hope that I am feeling
`dandy' and also who reminds me of our plans for later in the day after he
finishes work. I respond saying that I am `just fine and dandy' and that I
will meet him at the bar that he suggested at 6:30 PM. "So what is your
plan for today?" I quiz Jayden after I finalise the response to the queue
of messages and then toss the charging phone back onto my nightstand.

"Not much. Mum is at some hen's party this afternoon. Want to get lunch and
just chill out? I don't have to be back until around six. I am so not in
the mood for school tomorrow."

"Sure thing. How are you feeling?" I get out of bed and attempt to
reconcile my state and feeling a bit hollow realise that I have asked
Jayden the same question about his state of being. After the long and
tumultuous wander back home where the members of the public no doubt
confused me with a zombie who managed to sweat out of every pore on my
body, I am oddly feeling fine for the most part, although still feel a bit
hot and realise that I need another shower before going anywhere.

"Not that bad. I am fucking starving though, so let's get the fuck out of
here." Jayden gets out from under the sheets and meets me at my closet. He
enthusiastically grabs a white shirt off of a hanger and puts it on. "I had
a shower when you went walkabout, so get fucking ready mate."

I take a pair of grey skinny jeans and A black 5 Seconds of Summer concert
singlet, some underwear and finally retreat into the bathroom and slide the
door close. Despite the world now having seen my buttocks on social media,
I still feel it is appropriate to shower and dress with some semblance of
privacy and proceed to do so. After quickly cleaning myself of spent sweat
and filth and blow drying my hair, I put some product in my blonde locks
and form a messy fringe and finally get dressed. Returning back to my
bedroom, at first I am affronted by the smell and I realise just how toxic
my personal space is. I am brought back to reality with Jayden exclaiming
"Fuck off!" as he stands up.

"What?" I look incredulous as I start collecting dirty clothes off the
floor and toss them into the corner collectively.

"Seriously? You are going to wear that 5SOS shirt out in public?

"What is wrong with it? Considering what you wear most of the time, it is
tame. Don't you like my white shoulders? Hell, everyone has already seen my
white arse thanks to you, so I thought I would just help complete the
picture." There is nothing wrong with wearing a 5 Seconds of Summer concert
shirt. Jayden seems to have contrary thoughts though probably because girls
will have a good stare at me and ignore him.

"Whatever. Let's go!" No doubt because he is too hungry and unwilling to
put up a fight at the bequest of his grumbling stomach, I follow Jayden to
the front door where I find my Havaianas placed neatly in the corner and
slide them on my feet. I notice that my toenails could use a clipping
before taking a set of keys off the table but realise that food in this
situation usurps personal hygiene.

Our journey to find sustenance takes us across the Southbank pedestrian
bridge, under Flinders Street Station and out into the managed chaos of
Elizabeth Street in what would be considered the centre of the city of
Melbourne. A virtual overload of unwashed sweaty bodies, familiar fast food
brand sighs, rubbish strewn in the gutter, traffic and squealing trams are
met by our mutual indigence as we weave between pedestrians, prams and the
local police presence. We debate the merits of each eatery. Huxtaburger is
a no-go zone since one of the hamburgers is named after Bill Cosby and
Jayden hates the `rapist' so he refuses to eat there. I veto "Lord of the
Fries" only because I think the name is stupid and makes me think of the
movies that I cannot be bothered to watch. We decide to randomly turn right
on Flinders Lane and agree to walk up to Supernormal so that we can enjoy
some lobster rolls. I originally discovered this goodness at the now
defunct Big Day Out festival a few years back. These rolls were being
flogged as takeaway to the concert-goers and they are absolutely amazing
and addictive. Some months ago, I tried to reproduce the published recipe
with a very disappointing result; an adventure which proved beyond the
shadow of a doubt that my destiny does not involve anything having to do
with a kitchen. Reminiscing about the amazing food and the sweaty hot
shirtless guys from the festival a few years back not only makes me forget
about what bands were playing that day but also the restaurant that we were
fiending for as we strolled past it. Jayden must have shouted at me three
times before I returned to reality and noticed that I walked past the
restaurant.

Seated at the bar on stools by the hostess that has a face that looks like
a grumpy cat, we get a round of stares from everyone seated to the left and
right of us and the omnipresent staff. The looks of consternation on their
collective faces as to why a couple of teenagers would want to eat at such
a venue no doubt mystifies the onlookers where the average age of the
patrons is thirty provides for some amusement as I take my seat on the
stool and then scoot it in closer to the bar with noticeable effort. "Your
finest vintage of Diet Coke please my lovely." This is my request when the
bar lady asks what we would like to drink. Jayden insists on a full
strength Coke and asks for a double. The older woman seated next to Jayden
enjoys a brief laugh if not refute in her own conversation.

As Jayden quietly scrolls though notifications on his phone, I check mine
and read a rather sullen message from Bryce. At first the content doesn't
register in my mind properly since I am not firing on all cylinders and
then process the meaning of the text message and start laughing
hysterically. At first it is a muffled laughter but then I can't control
myself and it progressively gets louder as I replay the ramifications in my
colourful imagination. My laughter is contagious and the bar lady starts to
giggle whilst she looks at her colleague all the while whispering something
to him and it is then when I notice the bloke to the right of me looking at
me with an inquisitive look. "What the hell? What is so damned funny?"
Jayden demands whilst trying to look at my old phone. I simply put my phone
in flight mode and put it upside down on the bar and attempt to regain my
composure.

"What the hell?" Jayden demands again.

I stop chucking long enough to take a breath about the same time the 2015
vintage Diet Coke is delivered to me. I drink it in record time and request
another round and then with a certain amount of eager fanfare reveal what
tickled my funny bone with a query. "Were you the one that drew the
swastika on Bryce's back?"

"No, that was Austin. Don't you remember those two arguing about the shit
going on in the Middle East last night?" Jayden looks intrigued.

"I don't remember much about the conversation but that is not the point. I
saw the swastika on his back this morning. My father saw it too and made
some comment that it was drawn incorrectly. Anyway, Bryce had to turn up to
supervise some youth swim class at his school this morning and he didn't
know that was drawn on his back with the marker." I take a beat whilst I
watch Jayden both pucker and tighten his lips and shift them to the right
like he is being pensive. "So he went out to the pool area with no shirt
on, not knowing that was on his back. All the little kids and parents saw
Austin's artwork and there was outrage to say the least."

"Oh yeah, I have a mental picture of his back mate. I put it on Instragram
too. So why should anyone care? Austin was just having a laugh whilst he
was passed out."

"He goes to a Jewish school you know."

"Oh shit!" Jayden then reconstructs his pensive look again. "I guess that
is bad." Jayden reflects thoughtfully and then takes a drink of his full
strength Coke.

"His mother had to come back and get him. He got lectured and almost thrown
out of school. Good thing that Austin drew it the wrong way as I guess it
has a different meaning so he was able to blame it on a prank that he knew
nothing about. Anyway, he is not a very happy and is in the shit." I feel
bad for Bryce but then realise that the humour of the situation is just the
inconvenient timing of his responsibilities at school on a weekend after a
huge night of all things. Jayden swipes his phone and then looks at the
photo of Bryce that he posted on Instagram and shows it to me. "A
masterpiece." Jayden muses. Bryce passed out on the floor of my room with
my dirty underwear on his head like a crown of thorns with the reverse
swastika on his back.

We start laughing and carrying on in unison. If we were drinking alcohol we
would have been cut off and thrown out of the restaurant, but instead the
bar lady turns up and asks us if we want a top-up of soft drinks and asks
us if we are ready to order. Only two words are exclaimed in
unison. "Lobster" and "roll" and then we confirm that we want two of them
at least to start proceedings.

Jayden sits up as straight as he can on the stool and stretches his arms
over his head. "What a night mate. That James bloke seems like a sketchy
character. Hell, he wouldn't even have a drink with us."

I follow Jayden's lead and stretch my arms over my head and try to snap the
tension out of my neck. The man sitting on the barstool next to me is
noticeably distracted by this. I quickly put my arms down and when he turns
away I try to get my nose as close to my armpit and detect if I smell. It
seems fine, so I put it down to teenage enthusiasm distracting him knowing
that I washed myself properly only an hour ago and did remember to put on
some Nivea deodorant.

"I dunno. There is something about James that intrigues me. It just seemed
like a good idea at the time you know... inviting him around. Probably like
Austin drawing the reverse swastika on Bryce's back. I think the wine just
made us act like fools." I start to question as to why I even bothered to
respond to the message James sent me earlier however justify it in my mind
that I just shouldn't be rude.

"Do you reckon you will bother seeing him again? There are plenty of other
fish in the sea that aren't so sketchy mate; ones that obviously aren't
as... um... experienced." Jayden says the last word implying a slew of
other connotations but is remaining politically correct as the woman
sitting next to him is noticeably eavesdropping. I wonder why the members
of the public prefer to listen in on the dramas of teenagers instead of
living their own lives. I drink the rest of my Diet Coke and motion to the
bar lady that I am very interested in another round.

With the ice from my depleted beverage still in my mouth, I slur "I am
seeing him later today." I chew on the ice as Jayden begins a tirade.

"What the fuck are you thinking mate? That bloke is 25 years old and is a
retail slut. You know he only wants one thing. Is that all you want you
whore? To get it up the arse good and proper?" I keep chewing the ice cubes
and focus on the wonderful sense of freezing cold in my mouth and watch the
bar lady pour me another round from an open can.

"Since it matters to you so much, I haven't ever had it `good and proper'
as you like to put it but who is saying that I don't want to give it to him
`good and proper'" With that being said the man sitting next to me shifts
his weight and shifts his body so he can hear every word of our
conversation. "Jesus Christ, what is it of your business anyway?"

"I just don't want you abducted or fucked over mate. That is it. Whatever
makes you happy I guess." Jayden understands that he is not going to talk
me out of my liaison by the look of defeat on his face and I am
relieved. Another glass of Diet Coke and more interestingly the cubes of
ice, is placed in front of me. The bar lady winks at me and I manage a
smile and I roll my eyes, which end up looking at Jayden.

The lobster rolls are delivered and devoured in between grunts and gasps
exclaiming how `damn' good they are. We are so pleased that we order two
more of the delicious rolls. Jayden gets to his feet, puts his arms behind
him and tries to crack his back. "Goddamn those are good. I will be right
back, I need to hang a piss."

"You are all class mate." I grab my phone and take it off of flight mode,
being conscious that the device did not have a full charge when I left
earlier today. Alerts flood in, along with a message from Bryce saying he
is going to `kick Austin's faggity arse' and as I am about to respond, I am
distracted by a question from the man sitting next to me. "Excuse me, are
you in that band?"

I finish writing a few words of encouragement to Bryce and suggest that
Austin meant no harm. Whatever good it will do is really not known but I
press send anyway and then look to the right. "What band? Sorry?" I meet
the brown eyes of the thirty-something restaurant patron. He is holding
some sort of mixed drink in his hand and I am immediately distracted by the
ice. He then looks at my shirt and points to the 5 Seconds of Summer band
logo. "That band?"

My laugh literally mimics text speak for "ha ha" and I state
matter-of-factly, "Believe me mate, I am certainly not Luke Hemmings or
Michael Clifford from 5SOS, or any of them for that matter." I don't know
why I start to name the band members, but I reach for my glass of Diet Coke
and look at the wall of spirits behind the bar hoping that the random
gentleman will not ask me any further questions having suddenly having
become the victim to the awkward feeling of being overly self-conscious.

"Well you look familiar. What university do you guys go to?"

Wondering why the diner wants to continue conversation with me and ignore
the woman that he is with first crosses my mind and then I quickly remind
myself of one of the lessons learned from the previous day with James and
that I should not represent myself as being something that I am not so I do
not claim that we are in university and simply brush it off. "Why are you
so interested mate?" The question after I ask it sounds harsh but before I
can correct the way I phrased it or even apologise, he responds.

"Not at all. Sorry to intrude, but we couldn't help but overhear you blokes
and I just wanted to say that age is relative. If you like someone, age
shouldn't matter." With that fatherly advice, the gentleman turns away and
takes a drink of his alcoholic beverage. I reach over and put a hand on his
shoulder.

"Sorry mate, I didn't mean to sound like a cock... that just came out
wrong. Sorry" My sincerity is obvious by the look on my face and the gentle
touch of his shoulder causes him to turn towards me once again.

"No worries, it is all good. My name is Shaun by the way." Shaun bends his
arm and partially extends it in my direction wanting to shake my hand. I
reciprocate and say "Chezdon. It is good to meet you mate. Sorry again."

"That is a unique name. I have only ever heard that name once before in my
life." After a short pause so Shaun can take a sip of his drink, he
continues. "It sounds like you guys had a big night last night. It was hard
not to overhear." Shaun takes another drink and looks at me.

I quickly recap in my mind what Jayden and I discussed since sitting
down. There was plenty of amusing banter but also some offensive words and
themes and I feel my face starting to get hot once again and I am confident
that it is turning red. "Oh sorry about that. My mate can get overly
enthusiastic at times. But yeah, it was a pretty big night."

For a few seconds thoughts of the big night flood back however before I am
consumed by my midnight memories, Shaun introduces me to the lady next to
him who was seemingly ignored during our chat. She introduces herself as
his sister and just as I exclaim "g'day!" Jayden appears in my periphery
looking frustrated. I then introduce my friend to Shaun, and his lovely
sister, Liz, who in turn takes more of an interest in the lobster roll
being placed in front of him by the now familiar staff. In what would be
considered the most inconveniently awkward time in recent memory to
distract me from speaking with strangers, Jayden uses the delivery of the
food as an excuse to poke me in the side repeatedly with some vigour until
I give him my undivided attention. "What goddamnit? Why do you look so
annoyed mate?"

"You are just always chatting up randoms. It is like a disease." Jayden
shoves the tip of the lobster roll into his mouth which is almost
suggestive. The smell of the butter-heavy roll transports me back to the
smell of Austin's chest from only hours earlier. I start to salivate and
unconsciously begin to collect the remaining bits of crayfish that have
fallen onto my white plate and shove them into my mouth.

"I wasn't chatting anyone up. I just having a conversation with the bloke
sitting next to me whilst you were out texting, pissing and fucking
about. Is that a crime?" I follow Jayden's lead and start to eat the
remaining remnant of my lobster roll. After I watch him swallow and lick
his lips suggestively once again, the subject seems to be a thing of the
past. "So what do you want to do after this? When are you meeting up with
that trashy retail slut?"

"Not until around six." I feel a sense of fatigue setting in as I become
more relaxed sitting on the stool. After ordering another Diet Coke, which
I learn is really Pepsi Max, not that it matters, I float the idea of
seeing a movie to bide the time and the discussion ultimately turns into an
argument about what to see. "It is no secret about what happens in Furious
7 and I can't be bothered watching Vin Diesel. Besides I can't stand `The
Rock' I calmly yet seriously exclaim after Jayden suggests we view the
latest incarnation of the franchise that managed to drag out longer than
Paul Walker's life. "Let's watch `Woman in Gold.'" My excitement level for
visiting the cinema increases exponentially.

Jayden quickly reads the synopsis of `Woman in Gold' on his phone whilst
chewing on the last remnant of the lobster roll. "Fuck off, why do you
always want to see such serious shit mate?"

I roll my eyes and go back to sipping my Pepsi Max given that we are
seemingly at an impasse. There is noticeable movement by my new friends to
the right as they find their feet and after a quick glance, it appears that
they are gathering their belongings and preparing to leave. Whilst I am
distracted, Jayden frightens me by poking me in the kidney. Noticeably
startled, I bark out a sharp high-pitched "Jesus!" and turn my attention
towards my best mate once again.

"Look there is an advance screening of `Unfriended' at Kino. How about
that?" Jayden mentioned this movie earlier in the week. A masterpiece about
a group of teenagers terrorised by some unknown person that should be dead
all from the comfort of their American suburban homes whilst sitting in
front of their computers seems like an interesting yet predictably boring
enough story. Cyber-stalking that apparently turns deadly, just like the
stigma behind on-line dating if the media can believed. A hand gently
touches my bare shoulder and being startled once again, I nearly jump off
the seat but reserve my desire to shout an explicative. All of the caffeine
that I have consumed is playing games with me. Shaun has his hand on my
shoulder and I can feel how refreshingly cold it is against my skin. The
condensation from his glass from his mixed spirit is being transferred to
my shoulder with much appreciation.

"If you want to see `Woman in Gold', give me a shout sometime." Shaun then
sadly takes his hand away and retrieves a business card from his pocket and
places it next to my empty plate. I quickly grab the card assuming Jayden
will take it, put up my hand in a faux wave and say "cya" as I catch
Shaun's eyes and then Liz's.

I turn back to Jayden who is finishing the remaining crumbs of his lunch
and after he swallows simply says "I really have no comment." After a
dramatic pause, he continues, "Let's get the fuck out of here." I then
request the bill of the friendly bar lady and finish my Pepsi Max. I am
hoping there is a delay in the bill arriving as chewing on ice cubes is not
only cooling down my insides but the base sound of the crunch relaxes
me. After a few minutes sadly the docket comes and I am bemused by the line
item that totals $25 for non-alcoholic drinks. Feeling a bit ripped off, I
peel some cash carefully out of my pocket and toss it onto the small silver
tray before we stagger out like old men onto Flinders Lane.

Agreeing to take a detour to Federation Square, we both purchase
Slurpee's. My love affair with ice continues as we quickly do the rounds in
the public space looking for familiar faces that would be languishing
around on such a beautiful Melbourne day. Only finding tourists feeding the
seagulls and so-called street performers, we walk to Collins Place and buy
our movie tickets. Searching the plaza, I notice a franchise of Guzman Y
Gomez and ponder that burritos and drinks there would have been noticeably
cheaper than the iced glasses of flavourless diet cola at
Supernormal. Becoming annoyed at being ripped off, I get lost in the moment
thinking about how ridiculously expensive things are and how the seagulls
in Federation Square may be loud and obnoxious like us teenage boys, but
resolve that the birds are indeed the smart ones in the end as they manage
to eat for free without complaint.

The movie finally commences in the air conditioned small cinema that at
capacity holds no more than fifty people and I count on my hand how many
people paid to see this masterpiece. Another $17 down the tubes as about
fifteen minutes into it, I think that the movie would have made a good
candidate to pirate as it is not truly ground-breaking and really
boring. Although the premise is somewhat interesting and the film features
fortunately one attractive guy that I don't mind looking at, it is
difficult to stay focused and enjoy it for what it is worth. My mind again
drifts first to exploring Austin's body earlier my bed and how the light
that was being emitted from the television made his skin appear
effervescent. Ignoring the ridiculous movie, I close my eyes and try to
will my penis to calm from its current excitedly erect state however my
imagination gets the best of me and I wonder how it would have felt to
shove it in Austin's arse over and over until he either could not take it
any longer or I blew my load. Given my drugged-up, drunk and horny state
the previous night, I fully imagine if the feeling of sick didn't
inconveniently take over at the time, I would have tried to have my wayward
way with my attractive friend regardless of what state my other guests were
in.

My dreaming and light sleep is interrupted by a sharp strike against my
chest and I react by belting out a scream not knowing where I am or what is
happening. Jayden puts his face in his hands and starts to laugh, which
combined to my shrill gasp proves to be a very rude distraction to the
other patrons enjoying the cinematic experience. Two girls in unison turn
around to "shhhh!" us and it was only then I realised that I was asleep
when Jayden smacked me. My boner is situated so awkwardly that it hurts and
is grinding against my jeans with impunity. Trying to shift my weight and
make minor adjustments to my being proves to be a foolish exercise and I
use the fact that Jayden is distracted by laughing into his arm as an
opportunity to get my hand into my pants and adjust my manhood in the
relative privacy of darkness. With a long deep breath, relief comes and yet
again I try to focus on grown adults acting like teenagers in the movie
that are all collectively experiencing a heightened sense of angst. As my
physical pain has passed thankfully, I in turn try to connect with the
characters emotional drama and wonder why they just don't turn off their
computers and unplug their router. Thinking critically about what is
playing out on the screen once again distracts me from my lurid memories
and I manage to pay attention until the flick comes to a predictable end,
at least until the inevitable sequel.

The credits roll and ultimately the lights in the theatre are returned. The
girls that were seated in front of us get up and give Jayden a stare that
mimics death which encourages him to laugh and carry on once last time at
my expense. With my erection having gone unnoticed and being a thing of the
recent past thankfully, I simply exclaim "let's get out of here!" and rise
up and walk briskly towards the door without being acknowledged.

Venturing from the cinema and into the plaza, I take my phone off of
`flight mode' and wait for the messages and notifications to flow in. One
message that takes me by surprise is James announcing that he is leaving
work early and is keen to meet up ahead of schedule. After scrolling
through Twitter notifications and reading commentary about my white arse
being visually appealing and random girls simply saying `hi', Jayden
catches up to me. "Hey, I better go back to the homestead. Mum thinks I
should be home to get ready for school tomorrow. What a laugh."

Whether it is a case of good timing for a change or just a sign from some
imaginary spaghetti monster in the sky, I simply tell Jayden that I
understand and bid him farewell claiming in my parting speech that I am
going to get a coffee before walking home, just so he doesn't see me
catching a tram that goes out of the central business district. "OK mate,
see you tomorrow." With the final words followed by a hug, I retreat deeper
into the back into the plaza and spy on Jayden at the tram spot and spy him
minutes later being collected by the squeaky tram. In the meantime I
exchange some text messages with James and we both predict that we can both
be at the bar in approximately fifteen minutes.

I catch the iconic public transport that travels the opposite way of Jayden
and consider the consequences that I would have faced if I just told him
the truth. I should have just told him that I organised to meet James early
and that I would text him later. He had to go though, so it probably didn't
matter in the end and it also staved off a lecture at least until either
later today or tomorrow fortunately. The tram rattles and squeaks for ten
minutes until I arrive at Smith Street in Collingwood. Some consider this
the home of the Collingwood Magpies, the most hated AFL footy team and
others think of it as an area where gays and lesbians are welcomed. Many
will refer to it as a haven for hipsters, when in fact it is a combination
of all of the above. The Grace Darling Hotel is destination and a bar only
seconds from the tram stop. When I arrive I see James wearing sunglasses
and sitting outside at a table puffing on a cigarette. Two pints of beer
are in front of him.

"Hey mate. I bet you like Coopers Green. After last night, I would assume
there is not much you don't drink." James smiles, stands up and puts out
his hand. I shake it and immediately decrease the pressure that I am
exerting as it feels like I am shaking a pancake and then pick up the pint
and take a long drink before sitting down at the wooden table.

"That is nice, yum. Thanks mate. It is good to see you again. After the,
ummm, events of last night, I didn't think that I would hear from you
again." The next drink I take is intentionally slow which gives me time to
look at James closely. He is wearing a white collared shirt, evidently part
of what he wore to work, but the material is thin enough for me to notice
that he has tattoos which are noticeable on his chest.

"I have to admit mate, I did have second thoughts about this but I think
you are pretty cool and you couldn't really control what happened last
night." James takes a long drag of his cigarette, ashes into the tray and
then takes a drink of his beer which allows me time to continue, almost
like he was giving me the opportunity to explain myself and fill in the
blanks.

"Our party last night was not exactly planned, but the best ones I guess
are not." I take another drink which gives me a chance to structure my
thoughts. The smell of smoke starts to irritate my nose. "Apologies for
having to deal with my parentals, they weren't even supposed to be around,
but they are pretty cool and harmless for the most part." I notice that a
table of four blokes that are sitting next to us are all staring at us and
again a feeling of self-consciousness starts to absorb me. I start to play
with my hair.

"You are so well spoken. For your age. You act like you are in University
by the way you carry yourself and I think that is cool. You are kinda hot
too." James winks at me before taking another drag of his cigarette which
is washed down with the rest of the pint of the beer in his hand.

"Thanks. I think." My thirst which is directly proportional to my anxiety
level encourages me to finish the remaining half of my pint in a flat
fifteen seconds whilst I ponder what to say next. Normally I am not at such
a loss of words. "I would shout the next round however I am afraid dressed
like this, they probably will ask me for ID, and that would not end well."
I start to fish around into my pocket.

"Don't worry about it, Mister 5SOS. I will get it." James takes the last
drag of his cigarette which exhausts the tobacco in the cancer stick. It
actually appears that the fag burned down to the filter. Although he blows
the smoke away from me as he gets up, a gust of wind blows some of the
white haze back on me, along with a few ashes as a consolation prize. "Be
right back."

Whilst James is in the bar, I start to fiddle with my phone and appear to
look busy mainly so I don't have to make eye contact with the group of guys
at the table that are making it their mission to catch my attention. I
manage respond to some text messages and also send a friendly query to
Bryce quizzing him as to the outcome of the battle of Berlin at the Jewish
pool earlier and whether or not he survived the Blitz intact. Grasping for
a way to waste time, I also message Austin and ask him how he is `feeling'
after the night on the piss so at least if the conversation dies a slow
death or if I start losing interest in James, hopefully a swell of incoming
text messages will provide me with a legitimate exit strategy as it would
sound juvenile to have to blame the fact that I have to go on my parents
expecting me home at an agreed time.

My drinking partner returns with what I assume to be a pint of Coopers
Green and I greedily start drinking it after he hands it to me before he
has a chance to sit down. Out comes another cigarette and I realise that
whilst watching James light up that he looks like a caricature of how
movies and television shows typically portray a camp homosexual. I ponder
as to whether the mannerisms on display by James and the associated
predetermined stereotype has identified us to the group of very curious
onlookers at the other table and what our basic motivation for being at the
bar on the sunny Sunday afternoon is. I obviously do not appear that I am
even close to being of the legal drinking age but am knocking back the
amber ale with a vengeance whilst my new friend plays catch-up. Hell, if I
was sitting at the other table and looking at us, I would find the
situation at hand not only intriguing but ridiculous and criminal at the
same time just speculating on the dynamics and the body language. "So."
James pauses to take a deep breath of smoke, holds it in for what seems
like an hour and then exhales, not taking as much care to segregate me from
the second hand plume. "Who is fucking who between your mates?"

"What do you mean?" I take an interest in my pint of beer once again.

"Who is sleeping with who?" James takes another drag.

I consider not only the question but my position and briefly the events
from the previous night. A wry smile develops on my face and manage a short
chuckle. "My best mate, Jayden has a girlfriend."

"Wait, which one was he?" More inhalation of smoke transpires and then
James continues "the chunkier one of you four?"

I think of the meaning of the word chunkier and immediately think of the
character of Fat Bastard from the Austin Powers movie. "You mean Bryce? He
is a swimmer and really the only one of us that plays any sport, so I would
not really call him chunky."

"Yeah, that is his name." James takes another drag and then a drink of the
ale. "He seems pretty cool."

"Do you have a think for his type? Sorry to tell you though mate, he is
straight." I feel a bit disappointed as I start to feel that James wanted
to just meet up with me as he wanted an introduction to one of my
friends. I feel my self-esteem drop a few pegs in a matter of seconds and
focus my attention on rotating my pint of beer and instead of looking
directly at James focus on the head that is still present on the beer in
the pint glass.

"Yeah he is cute. I just wanted to make sure that you were not with him as
I wanted him to be sloppy seconds if things do not work out between us."

A bit shocked, I look up and catch the gaze of all four blokes still
staring at me from the comfort of the other table before my eyes
conveniently move back to James. He is holding his beer with one hand and
the burning cigarette with the other. His eyes meet mine and I am
determined to stare him down until he flinches, which fortunately for my
heightened level of stress and thirst, is only a matter of
seconds. Ignoring his blatant flirting for a quick minute, I simply smile
and retort "the only other gay boy is Austin."

"He is the one that gave me a hard time that dresses like a slut right?"

I know immediately that he is referring to Jayden so I wait for him to
finish inhaling the remaining smoke from the cigarette and whilst it drops
it into the tray, I take another drink. "No, the slut is my best mate
Jayden. I think it would be good if you knew him better before you call him
a slut though." The serious look on my face along with the requisite icy
glare unsettles James a bit and he shifts his weight to the left side of
his body. Before continuing, I wait for him to procure yet another
cigarette out of the pack and light it. In the meantime, I take another
drink and scrutinise his facial features.

"Sorry mate. Just sayin'... I didn't mean anything by it." Another cloud of
smoke passes me by.

"That is cool mate. I am just stirring you up. No biggie. Austin is the
blond guy with the obnoxious shoes, Jayden was the slutty one with the
black skinny shorts and the other one is Bryce. They are all good kids." I
quickly drink the remaining contents of my pint glass which once again
unsettles James as my body language was no doubt indicating that I was
either upset or annoyed, mainly masquerading the unease of the situation
that I have put myself in.

"Sorry mate. No reason to go!" James quickly takes a drag from the
cigarette and lowers it so it burns under the table.

"I am not going anywhere. But I think you are. I am empty after all." I
give James a wry smile. He takes another long puff of the cigarette as he
stands up and walks back into the bar.

I finally have a chance to be alone with my thoughts and enjoy my
surroundings for a few minutes whilst James is inside the pub presumably
buying more pints. For a few seconds I wonder what I will be doing in ten
years and consider the likelihood that I will be sitting at this pub with
my same friends or perhaps a new set of acquaintances that I met at
University or even at a paid workplace. Everyone seems so familiar chatting
about their personal dramas which are not too much different than what I
speak about with my friends, but just varying degrees of importance, at
least on a scale that is clouded by perception. I overhear tales of
horrible bosses, relationship breakdowns, cheating, parents dying, someone
unable to make their rent, an HIV diagnosis and complaints that the price
of beer is too expensive. Most of the bitching and complaining emanates
from the table of blokes within earshot that regularly take an interest in
me. Around me I notice there is little chatter about sport, arts, culture,
politics or anything positive; just tales of woe which puts me in an
introspective mood as I consider life and my future as James returns with
two more pints of cold beer.

"Wow, you look serious. Who died?" James must have noticed a look of
consternation on my face as he put the pint in front of me."

"Nobody. I was just thinking about life and times. Out of curiosity, do you
hang out here with groups of mates on occasion or do you just come here for
dates? If this is a date, I dunno, I mean." My throat suddenly feels the
need to be quenched by beer as the words are not coming out correctly,
either because I am getting tipsy or just because I am feeling circumspect.

"Actually I don't have many mates in Melbourne as I just moved here from
Perth a few months ago, so I really can't say, sorry." James takes a beat
to continue smoking the cigarette he previously left to burn in the tray
after flicking off the ash. "I just like coming here as it is close to
where I live, I can smoke outside and drink of course and not worry about
much."

"Fair enough." Either we will continue drinking and have banal conversation
that centres around high level facts that you would find on a profile page
of a dating website or I will have to try again to push it into something
deeper. I decide on the latter. "From what you read in the newspaper, you
would think that the mining boom in Western Australia would be providing a
fair amount of opportunities, not only in retail for the cashed up bogans,
but it would have made it more of an exciting city to be in. Is that the
case?" My perception of Perth is clouded not only from the alcohol in my
body, but in an effort to try to steer clear of gossip and complaints which
seems to be on the mind of everyone else sitting around us, I attempt to
sound somewhat knowledgeable and then wonder if I just sound like a teenage
wanker.

James looks at me with a blank look on his face and his mouth falls open
just a bit. "Right, are you sure that you are only sixteen?" He takes
another drag of smoke and chases it with beer. His comment is overheard by
two of the blokes at the table next to us who once again take an interest
in me and start whispering to one another. "Perth is a shithole mate. I
lived there with my boyfriend for four years. There is nothing to do there
besides have sex and get pissed really." He takes another drink. "Before
you ask, we broke up just because we grew apart and no longer had any
interests in common."

I hadn't planned on asking about the relationship and the ensuing
revelation. James must have noticed an amused look on my face as I wondered
what sort of interests he could have possibly in common with the other
bloke that he lived with as he really just doesn't seem very interesting at
all. Perhaps they shared a common appreciation for tobacco, beer and of
course sex as he eluded to. After taking another drink he asks, "What is so
funny?" He would have noticed the smile form on my face.

"Nothing mate. I was just hoping to get some insight as I am supposed to be
going to Perth with my parents in the winter and I was just looking for
some inside knowledge." I lied as I wanted to distract myself from
imagining him having sex with somebody else and also trying to guide the
conversation back to something banal as I had visited Perth only a year
prior with my father, I was curious to see how he described it and of
course what he recommended to do.

"Here is the deal." James then takes the final drag of his cigarette
providing a pause in his thought process and then proceeds to stubs it out
in the tray. "I don't have any more cash on me, so if you want to know more
about Perth you will have to come back to my place. I have wine there and I
know you are a fan of that. Besides, I need to get these shoes off of me,
they are new and giving me blisters. After I piss, would you be keen?"

Many thoughts pop into my head as I finish most of what is left in the pint
glass. Is he really out of money? Does he have blisters? Does he want to
savage my young body? "Sure, go piss. Then we can go." The blokes at the
table next to us start cheering and I overhear one of them exclaim, "I knew
it!" before James gets up and toddles back into the bar.

I check the clock on my phone and as I feared with the natural light
fading, it was right on 6:00 PM. I need to be home by 8:00 PM to avoid
getting quizzed, punished or more importantly avoid another awkward
argument with my father. I decide there is certainly no harm in going to
wherever James lives, which I assume is close since he previously mentioned
that this bar is his `local' of sorts. At the same time I swallow the last
drop of my beer, James appears. "Finished. Ready to go?"

"Do you feel like a new man?" I felt like saying something clever and
realise that I didn't even come close to hitting the bullseye however the
light intoxication makes me laugh at my own comment.

We walk, or perhaps a third party would state we stumbled at times a couple
hundred metres from the bar into a nearby residential housing strip. We
exchange some small talk about the suburb of Collingwood and I admit that I
support the Magpies in the footy and I get the impression that James
doesn't even know what footy is, let alone what a magpie would be in the
wild if it swooped and pecked him on the head. Around the time I start to
have second thoughts about this home visit, James announces that we have
arrived and that we need to go up a flight of external steps to what I find
is a small studio apartment after he graciously grants me entry. I have a
quick look around whilst he takes his shoes off and notice that where a
refrigerator is meant to be is just a vacant space in the open kitchen. As
I inspect the free-flowing mess of rubbish organised with varying degrees
of purpose on the floor, I am startled as James comes from behind and wraps
his arms around my chest. I feel his warm breath exhale near my ear as he
whispers "I have wanted this since the minute I met you" and then sticks
his tongue in my ear after he chews playfully on my earlobe. He then begins
kissing and licking my neck.

Although I was taken aback at first with surprise, it only took a second
for me to adjust and start living in the moment. First I notice my erection
being recalled to life as James continues to kiss, lick and suck on my neck
and seamlessly releases his hands from their gentle grip around me. His
digits first move to caress the skin exposed by my singlet before he puts
both hands far into my shirt and starts playing with my nipples. His
breathing accelerates as he sticks his tongue far into my ear and squeezes
my hard sensitive tits. I can smell tobacco and beer as his tongue makes it
way from my ear back to my neck and then attempts to get close to my
cheek. As I turn around he has to remove his hands from inside my skimpy
shirt and thankfully stop squeezing my nipples as our mouths lock and I
sloppily try to insert my tongue into his mouth, which ultimately he
accepts like a key in a lock. I imagine the taste of the floor of the bar
as the smell of cigarettes and beer flood my senses as I experience my
first kiss with a guy. I then feel his arms glide down my side until his
hands are firmly squeezing both of my arse cheeks and he forcefully draws
my body closer, my arse in his clutches, so my boner grinds against his the
only artificial barrier being our clothes. His mouth nearly envelops mine
despite it gaping wide and accepting his tongue which explores the back of
my mouth and then my teeth. I can feel his engorged penis bulging first
against my leg and then ultimately against my own cock as he aligns himself
with my body so he can once again grab my arse and heave my body into
his. He returns to sucking on my neck which I find mind-blowing and a
feeling that I get lost into as I feel the grip on my bum release and his
hands make their way gradually up my back, feeling my soft warm skin as he
pulls up the back of my shirt before they explore my sweaty
armpits. Feeling like a passenger in car, I get my wits about me and
following his lead, forcefully grab his arse and then muster the courage to
feel the outline of his erect cock using my right hand whist he continues
to shove his tongue into my mouth. This gives James the unspoken permission
to first abandon my mouth and then my rainforest-like armpits as he
crouches down and puts his nose on the noticeable bulge on display in my
grey skinny jeans. I focus on the smell of the newly fresh air entering my
lungs rather than the tobacco, beer and nicotine as James attempts a world
record at inhaling the largest volume of air through his nose only a
millimetre from where my ball sack rests in a tortured state, imprisoned
behind mere fabric of my jeans and boxer briefs. He then looks up at me and
simply says "hot."

I take a deep breath as James returns to his feet and after giving me a
quick kiss on the lips and considering the heat of the moment randomly
proclaims "I will be right back" and then at first limps off in the
direction of a closed door, which he quickly opens and closes in quick
succession and effectively disappears behind it. At first I feel a sense of
shock and then disappointment that our festive activities either were put
on hiatus or have come to an end. I sit down on a chair after adjusting my
hard cock and look around at the mess that resembles a rubbish tip. At
first I feel like taking my cock out and having a quick wank and blowing on
a discarded pizza box since I am so horny but then I hear the toilet flush
and assume that James will be returning. Assuming that he had to vacate his
bladder again stirs my inner being and I watch the door with my undivided
attention but it does not budge. Some minutes pass and with the seconds my
raging boner falls by the wayside and James has yet to appear from behind
the closed door. I hear the toilet flush once again so my excitement
returns briefly however after yet another minute and being left to my own
devices I start to wander around the small apartment. I find an open bottle
of vodka next to the microwave and eagerly swallow a small amount to
vanquish the taste of nicotine and tobacco from my mouth. Despite nearly
gagging at the intense taste of the fermented potato, ultimately achieves
its goal once the burning in my throat subsides and I no longer detect any
trace of the taste of by-product of second-hand cigarette in my mouth at
least. Curiously I then hear water start to run from the privacy of the
bathroom. Wondering why this sexually charged experience had to come to
such a dramatic if not abrupt end, I first wonder if I did something wrong
and then consider that maybe my pubic region smelled awful after James took
a mighty whiff through my dirty skinnies and that is the reason why he had
to flee to the comfort room for so long. Confused, but with a heightened
sense of courage thanks to alcohol consumption, I approach the bathroom
door, gently turn the knob and push it open far enough to stick my head in.

Time begins to creep forward in slow motion as I first see water flowing
from the tap in the multi-use bathtub and shower. James has his naked back
propped up against the wall and is squatting in the tub clumsily trying to
align the mouth of a two litre plastic bottle of the recycled Pepsi bottle
that has been filled presumably with water with his arsehole. It takes what
seems to be minutes, but in reality it is only a second or two for the
marriage to be consummated. He then squeezes the bottle as hard as he can
whilst his penis sways like pendulum. Before the water in the plastic
bottle forcefully explodes into his holiest of holes, I notice how many
tattoos he has. As James closes his eyes and tightens his anus to hold in
the water, it is only my pronounced gasp that alerts him that he has an
uninvited observer. With wide eyes which becomes a permanent fixture on his
face, James looks up resembling a kangaroo in headlights and shouts "get
the fuck out of here!" At first I was simply watching water trickle down
both of his shaved legs, but after the shock and indignation of seeing me
watch him carry out his planned hygienic task, the remaining dirty water
from his bowels is forced out with a loud fart leaving him in quite a
vulnerable position with a look of hate in his eyes.

After retreating back into the living room and closing the bathroom door,
my original thoughts of shock and awe quickly evolve into utter
amusement. Having realised that he was cleaning himself out in preparation
for me having sex with him was not only presumptuous but also humorous as
over the last year I had read many articles about preparing your body for
the act of man love. I never considered that it would be undertaken in such
a sexually charged moment and would be more planned. Feeling a sense of
relief when James first excused himself and went to the bathroom as I was
very close to blowing my load, I feared if he tried to undo my jeans, I
would have ejaculated onto his face within seconds after my penis was
revealed. Fortunately with the benefit of hindsight in comparison to the
imagery of him shoving the large plastic bottle of Pepsi up his arse, a
moment in time that will be truly etched into my mind for all my life. This
is something that I can definitely not un-see and I decide it would be best
to avoid any awkward conversation knowing that the lust of the early
evening has come and gone and that it will certainly not be replaced with
romance let alone sex, I take the phone out of my back pocket and leave his
humble abode.

The bathtub imagery seems like it played out as long as we were making out
however it only equates to seconds in the matter of minutes that I visited
his flat. As the sequence of events surrounding how he predominantly
explored my body and mouth, I notice that only a mere twenty minutes have
passed after checking the clock on my phone. A smile forms on my face as I
walk toward Smith Street and inevitably past the outdoor tables at the bar
that I previously enjoyed a drink at with James. Lost in my own world and
overwhelmed with feels of amusement and lust, at first when I hear "Oi!"
being shouted, I ignore it, but after I hear it repeated I see it
originating from the table of the four blokes that were drinking near us
earlier. Emboldened as knowing the one guy that is now shouting `Oi!" is
not only the protagonist but the one that took such an interest in me
earlier, I walk over and casually say "hey, what's up boys?"

"G'day mate. That was quick." The cat-caller that was interested in my
business earlier looks me up and down whilst his friends giggle.

"What was?" I know what he is insinuating but I wanted to play the role of
the dumb blond.

One of the other guys introduces himself as Damien and he extends his
hand. I shake it and tell him my name. Damien continues after the
pleasantries. "That bloke that you were with, he is a bit of a tragic
fag. We drink here all the time and always see him sitting outside smoking
with a new guy that he has picked up from somewhere." Damien then points to
his friend and takes a drink before finishing his story. "Tom here sees him
on `Grindr' all the time and he is always here before taking someone back
to what I guess is his place to have a fuck. Sorry to be crass." I always
wondered if I should download the `Grindr' application but have avoided it.

I briefly think about the time that these blokes are wasting gossiping at
this bar. I then consider sharing my business and the many stories that I
have actively been part of creating over the weekend with these four random
guys including what transpired only minutes ago with James, but then
realise that I would quickly become what I was so critical of earlier. With
thoughts turning to cricket and the late and great Richie Benaud, once more
I decide that I should only say what would be both considered positive and
necessary at this bizarre moment in time. Something that would be
considered useful and poignant.

"Nope nothing happened boys." My audience is hanging on every word looking
for a tragic story that belongs in the tabloids. "I am not a Pepsi kind of
guy, I like Coke." With that enigmatic statement that summarises my random
weekend in a nutshell, I farewell the nosey revellers with a smile and a
wave and head towards the Smith Street tram stop with a smile on my face.

******

chezdon1997@gmail.com