Date: Fri, 28 Sep 2001 00:56:25 -0700
From: Robert Just  Robert <Kewl_Dad_1@msn.com>
Subject: Lost in fear-chapter 1

This story is a work of fiction.  All the usual disclaimers apply.  If you
are not 18, if stories of man/boy love offends you, or if it is illegal to
read this type of story where you live...please leave now.  I hope all
others will find this story refreshing in that it does not contain a lot of
ungratuitous sex.  It is a story about the true nature of boylove.  It is a
story of love and trust and how the love between a boy and a man can change
both lives forever.  If you have ever helped a boy or mentored one, you
will appreciate this story. Any comments are greatly appreciated..chapters
will be posted as I have time to write them.  Email me at
Kewl_Dad_l@msn.com

	Lost In Fear
Chapter One..."Please don't hurt me."

	He couldn't have been more than nine or ten I guessed.  The kid was
wearing ragged dirty clothes and his long brown hair was all matted up.  He
was crying and as I got closer I could see he was bleeding from a small
gash on his forehead.  I pulled up along side of him, unsure what I would
say or even if I could help him, but I had to try.  I rolled down the
passenger side window and slowed to a stop.  At first he seemed not to
notice me, then he slowed down and looked in my direction sniffing back
tears.
	"Hey Buddy."  I said in a freindly voice. "Are you okay?"
	He stopped suddenly and walked a little closer to my car.  He
pushed his mop of hair out of his eyes and stared in at me.  In that
instant I saw so much hurt and pain in his eyes that I felt my own eyes
tear up.  He sniffed and wiped his nose with a dirty little hand.
Underneath all the grime and pain I could see a cute little boy who, for
reasons unknown to me, was in a great deal of trouble.  His eyes were green
and sparkled despite his crying, and his cute little nose was red and raw
from wiping it.  His mouth looked capable of a sweet smile if only the
conditions allowed.  I had to try to help, though I had no idea what I
could do.
	"I'm okay."  He sniffed unconvincingly.
	"Are you sure buddy, you have a nasty gash on your head."
	He dabbed at his forehead and as if noticing the cut for the first
time he began to wail uncontrollably.  It was all I could do not to jump
out of the car and run to him, but I didn't want to scare him.
	"What happened buddy?"  I asked soothingly.  "Is there someone I
can call or some place I can take you?"  I offered.
	He was crying so hard now that his frail body shook and I was
afraid he would collapse.  I decided it was time to act, I slid across the
seat and slowly opened my car door.  He just stood sobbing as if unaware of
his surroundings.  I stepped out and stood up calling softly to him.
	"It's okay buddy.  I want to help you."  I said softly as I stood
beside my car.  I had a box of tissues in the car and I reached inside and
grabbed a handfull.  "Can I see the cut buddy?"
	"Please don't hurt me."  He pleaded in a small voice.
	"I promise I won't hurt you..let me just get a good look at it okay
buddy?"  I said in a soothing voice. He continued to sob, but nodded his
approval and I slowly walked over to where he stood.  I looked around to
see if anyone was nearby, but at this time of night the downtown streets
were deserted.  Not that I cared if anyone saw me helping the boy, but some
people always got the wrong idea when a man approached a boy.  As I got
closer the boy looked up at me wiping his grimy face again. He wasn't
crying as hard now and he had stopped shaking. I gently pushed back his
dirty hair and looked at the wound on his cute forehead.  I gently wiped
the blood away with a tissue and decided the wound wasn't deep.  It was
actually more of a scratch.  Just one of those superficial cuts that look
worse than they are.
	"It's not bad.  Just a scratch.  You will be fine, little buddy.
Can you tell me what happened?"  I said softly trying to reassure him and
maybe get some information out of him.
	He just shook his head.  He wasn't crying now just sort of sniffing
and dry-heaving.  I felt so bad for him, I hated seeing a kid in so much
pain.  I wanted so badly to hug him and comfort him but, still I was
unsure.  I bent down on one knee and got at eye level with him.  I had
found out a long time ago that talking down to a kid is bad.  Put yourself
on their level, it works wonders.
	"My name is Bob" I offered.  "What's your name?"
	"J..i.m.m.y" He said slowly between spasms.
	"Glad to meet you."  I said sticking out my hand.  He shyly shook
my hand and just nodded.
	"Where are you going Jimmie?"  I asked staring into his sad face.
	"I..(sniff)...don't know."  He said slowly.  I had never heard such
a hopeless sad voice in all my life.
	I sighed, maybe a bit too loudly.  Because he looked uncomfortable
and frowned.  I tried to rethink my questions. Giving him yes and no
answers I decided was best.
	"Are you going home?"  I asked suddenly.
	"NO!!"  He all but shouted, a look of anger and fear coming across
his face.
	"Okay, okay."  I said softly trying to soothe him.  "Are you lost?"
	"Uh....I don't know."  He said looking around. "Maybe."
	"Did you run away from home?"  I ask almost dreading his answer.
	He looked me squarely in the eyes and nodded.  Then hugged himself
rubbing his skinny body and rocking back and forth.  I knew that something
at home had caused him to be this scared, this hurt and I could only guess
what kind of hell he had gone through.  I decided to help him in the only
way I could.  I didn't care if it was wrong or right or even if I got into
trouble doing it.  I had to help this kid.  I had seen his kind before,
abused, unloved, and hopeless.  Most kids like this didn't stand a
chance...this kid was going to be different if I could help it.  I stared
at the frail dirty little boy before me and wondered how differently he
would look if he was fed and happy for once.  I couldn't heal all his
wounds but I could fill his empty little tummy.
	"Are you hungry?"  I asked watching him closely.
	He shook his head in afirmation and looked so fragile.
	"I know your folks have probably told you not to ever go anywhere
with strangers, and it's a good idea.  But, I need you to trust me, can you
do that buddy?"  I asked looking him in the eyes.
	He nodded.  I stood and reached for his hand.  He took it and
gripped it tightly.  He moved up beside me and for a moment hugged me
tightly.  I felt the tears well up in my eyes, but I wanted to be strong
for him.  I held back the tears and guided him to the car.  I closed the
door and went around to my side and climbed in.  I leaned over and buckled
him in and for the first time he smiled.  It wasn't a big smile, just a
little smile to let me know he was okay for the moment.  My heart soared,
to think I had helped in some way.
	I drove us to an all-night diner not far away and we sat at a booth
in the back.  He seemed embarassed at his dirty disheaveled looks but, I
don't think anyone even noticed us.  He seemed too confused to order, so I
ordered for him.  Soon the waitress brought him a cheeseburger, fries, and
chocolate shake. He wolfed the food down quickly, his green eyes flashing
appreciatively at me.  When he had safely tucked the food away he looked
much better.  Nothing robs a kid of his spirit like hunger.  A well fed kid
is a happy kid, my mom alwasy used to say.  I ask him if he wanted desert
and he decided on a piece of coconut cream pie, I ordered one too and we
had a coke to go with it.  He looked almost normal by the time the pie was
safely inside his little tummy.
	He smiled again and looked up at me with those incred- ible eyes.
"Thanks."  He said shyly.  "You're nice."
	"You're welcome buddy."  I said smiling back.  "I always try to be
nice to kids.  I don't get along with adults that well though.  My friends
say I'm just a big kid trapped inside an adult's body."  I laughed.
	He giggled softly and his voice was music to my ears.  How could
anyone hurt this precious soul.  It was obvious that he was a sweet
sensitive kid who just needed someone to love him.  I made a decision at
that moment, and I hoped he would agree.
	"Since you won't tell me where you are going."  I began. "And if
you won't tell me where I can take you.....I suggest you go home with me
and then we can sort this thing out."
	"Okay."  He said quickly.
	It was that simple.  "Okay" he said, god how simple some things are
for a kid.  I was glad he trusted me and I vowed not to violate that trust.
I paid the check and we drove to my house.  I opened the garage door and
drove inside.  Although I lived in a secluded area I didn't want to risk
anyone seeing a kid enter my house.  Years of phobia had caused me to be
somewhat overcautious, although my intentions were purely honorable.  We
climbed out and I led Jimmy inside.  He looked around curiously at my house
and smiled a weak smile.
	"It's nice."  He said softly.  "Your house is nice."
	"Thanks, it's comfortable.  Come on I'll show you around."
	I took him on a tour of the house pointing out the bathroom and
asking him if he needed to go.  He did of course and I waited outside the
door for him.  He came back out and looked up shyly at me.  I wondered if
this was the first time an adult had ever been nice to him.  Sometimes the
way adults treat kids just sucks.  I personally always tried to treat kids
as equals, and I vowed to try even harder in the future.
	"Are you tired little buddy?"  I asked noticing a half hidden yawn.
	"A little, but can we stay up awhile?"  He asked softly.
	"Sure, but how about this.  I don't mean to be rude, but you kind
of stink and I think a bath would make you feel a lot better."  I
suggested.
	He blushed and looked small and tragic.  I felt so bad for him and
before I could stop myself I reached out and hugged him.  I half way
expected him to pull away but instead he melted into me and sobbed
uncontrollably.  I knelt down and hugged him close patting him and uttering
soft soothing sounds to him.  He quieted after awhile and began dry
sobbing.  I think the kid was almost cried out.  I stood and looked down at
his frail dirty form and reached for his hand.  Like a little child he took
it and I led him into the master bath.  It had a whirlpool tub and I
figured a nice hot bath would help soothe and relax him.
	I stepped over and began running the tub full of water, adjusting
the temperature to what I felt was just right for a kid his age.  He
watched curiously as I adjusted the jets and as I turned to him he looked
at me questioningly.  Then he did the most amazing thing, he reached out
for me to pull his shirt off.  I pulled it over his dirty hair and a putrid
odor hit my nostrils.  I tossed the shirt on the floor and he stood with
his arms up.  I slowly unbuttoned his jeans and pulled them down, once
again assaulted with his odor.  He stood in dirty pee-stained briefs that
were ripped in so many places, I don't know why he even bothered with them.
I looked questionly at him and he offered no answer as to whether I should
continue.  I decided it was no big deal, an adult bathing a child, and I
reached down and removed his underwear.
	I tried not to stare at his nakedness, but I did notice several
bruises and what appeared to be burn marks.  I suddenly hated whoever had
done this to this precious child and I wanted to protect him from them at
all cost.  I helped him as he stepped into the tub and as he turned I saw
the marks on his skinny behind.  Huge red hand prints, fresh I guessed.
How long would a hand print stay on a butt?  I didn't know, I had not
experience in this area.  He sighed as he slipped into the warm water and
looked at me timidly.
	"Will you rubba dub me?"  He said sounding smaller and more fragile
than before.
	I laughed softly.  "Sure."  As I grabbed the soap and a wash cloth.
	Let me tell you, this kid was dirty.  I scrubbed every inch of his
lean little body and washed his hair twice before I was satisfied.  The
water looked muddy when at last he stood to step out.  He looked and
smelled so much better and I swear his eyes now sparkled as a little smile
parted his lips.  I grabbed a big soft towel and wrapped him in it.  I sat
on the toliet seat as he stood between my legs and I dried him off.  He
leaned in close and before I knew it he had kissed my cheek.  I blushed but
smiled and he looked almost happy.  I towelled his hair and grabbed a brush
and tried to work the tangles out.  He was patient with me but obviously it
hurt as I accidently pulled his hair from time to time.  Finally I had his
hair somewhat presentable and he pulled away to look at himself in the
mirror.  Standing naked he stood on tip toes and peered at himself smiling
proudly.  I wondered how long it had been since he had bathed.
	"Now, I gotta find you something to wear.  I'll wash your clothes
so you will have something to put on tomorrow."
	I dug out an old t-shirt of mine, that was way to small but I kept
it for sentimental reasons.  It had been given to me by a young friend
years ago, and even then it was too small but, I kept it all these years
because it reminded me of him.  I had no shorts small enough for Jimmy but,
I had some bikini underwear that was impossibly small for me.  A past lover
had bought them for me and I never got around to exchanging them.  They
were navy blue and made of soft silky fabric.  I offered them to Jimmy with
my apologies for now having anything better but, he seemed pleased with
them.  I must admit the bikinis looked absolutely fantastic on him and I
was sorry when he put on the t-shirt covering them up.
	"Uh, Bob?"  Jimmy asked in a small voice.  "Do you have anything to
eat?"
	"Yeh, buddy.  Let's go into the kithchen and see what we can rustle
up."  One more thing about boys, they are always hungry.
	He decided on cereal and as he sat at the table munching on Captain
Crunch I sat across from him and watched his sweet face.  He looked
embarassed and smiled across at me.
	"What?"  He asked licking his spoon.
	"I'm sorry."  I said blushing.  "I was just enjoying watching you
eat.  You look so much happier than when I first saw you."
	He smiled and shoveled in some more cereal.  He had two bowls
before his tummy was full and then he wanted to watch some tv.  We settled
down on the couch and he watched the cartoon channel.  Like a favorite cat
he crept closer as we watched until finally he was leaning on me.  I patted
him gently and sensing my approval he suddenly climbed into my lap.  I was
amazed at how quickly he had taken to me.  I wrapped my arms around him and
he held my arms in his soft small hands.  Presently he leaned back and
rubbed his soft head on my face.  I smelled the clean shampoo smell and
instinctively placed a small kiss on his head.  He turned his face to me
and reaching up with his little hand he tilted my face down and kissed me
gently on the cheek.  He leaned back against my chest and presently his
breathing slowed and I could hear his gently snoring.  He had fallen asleep
in my warm and safe embrace.  I sat there for almost an hour before finally
carrying him to my bed.  I laid him down gently and covered him up, placing
a kiss on his forehead.  The scratch was almost invisible now and had quit
bleeding.
	I tip-toed out of the room and went in to collect my thoughts.
What had I done?  Basically it amounted to kidnapping in the eyes of the
law.  I had taken his clothes off, touched his body (even though it was
only to bathe him) and now I had him in my bed.  I laughed insanely to
myself, "I am one screwed individual."  I said aloud.  I had no idea what I
would do tomorrow, I didn't know if the police were out looking for the
kid, or if his folks just didn't care.  I knew one thing, I wasn't gonna
get much sleep tonight.  My thoughts were suddenly interrupted by 65 pounds
of boy pouncing on my lap.
	"I was scared."  He began.  "I thought you left me." Looking a
little teary eyed.
	"Awww...buddy.  I wouldn't leave you.  I just wanted you to get
some rest."  I said hugging him.
	"Come sleep with me...please."  He begged.
	"What the hell?"  I thought to myself.  "I can't be in any worse
trouble."
	"Okay, buddy.  Give me a minute.  I need a shower and a shave.  You
go on back and get in bed...I'll be there in bit."
	"Okay, but hurry."  Jimmy said twisting his hair.
	"K...be right there...I promise."
	I shaved and stripped off my clothes and hopped into the shower
stall in my bathroom.  I took a quick shower and as I stepped out I noticed
Jimmy was standing in front of the toliet peeing.  I didn't say a word as I
towelled off and blow dried my hair.  Jimmy finished peeing and just sort
of stood waiting.  I tried not to act like I was modest , but I was a
little.  I shook out some baby talc and dusted my butt and privates and he
sort of chuckled.
	"What's that for."  Jimmy asked curiously.
	"Keeps me dry and makes me smell baby fresh."  I laughed.
	He looked thoughtful and sort of stared as I slipped on a pair of
clean boxers. I turned and ushered him out the door and off to the bedroom.
We climbed in on either side of the king size bed, and I pulled the covers
up over us.
	"Night buddy."  I said softly.
	"Night."  He replied.
	I couldn't make my mind stop working, playing the whole thing over
and over and wondering what the hell I was thinking.  Meanwhile Jimmy kep
moving closer and closer until he was touching me.  I felt his soft hand on
my chest and I smiled to myself.  "This is what it is all about."  I
thought to myself..."The love of a boy, and all it took was treating him as
he should be treated."  I suddenly felt at peace and I began to drift off
to sleep.  In the darkness my little buddy snuggled closer and he too fell
into peacefull slumber, maybe for the first time in a long time.  As the
world went about it's business we slumbered on, somehow aware of each
other. We lay entwined , our souls and our destinies forever joined.

End Chapter one