Date: Fri, 12 Oct 2001 16:51:12 -0700
From: Robert Just  Robert <Kewl_Dad_1@msn.com>
Subject: Lost in fear-Chapter seven

Lost in Fear
Chapter Seven

	I tried to forget that night, to move on and pretend that it didn't
happen.  It was easy as the days turned into weeks and finally the court
date was almost upon us.  We were both excited and nervous as we drove to
the courthouse.  Doty was a tower of strength for us both, I guess when you
reach her age nothing is new.  She smiled at us and straightened Jimmy's
tie.  I had insisted that we both wear a suit and tie, something that most
little boys avoid like the plague.  But, my little Jimmy actually liked
dressing up.  Doty teased him and told him he would probably make a good
lawyer or preacher.  Jimmy just smiled sweetly and looked so much older
than his 11 years.
	We met Mr. Jacobs in the lobby of the courthouse and he ushered us
into a small conference room.  He opened his worn leather breifcase and
pulled out some papers.
	"This is the brief I have filed with the court.  It's the same one
I had you sign and notarize.  It's very short and to the point and Judge
Grant has already had a chance to read it.  I know him like a book and
although he wouldn't give me the satisfaction of letting me know in
advance, I'm sure he is prepared to sign it.  It gives Bob, irrevocable
gaurdianship of Jimmy."  He said without emotion.
	I looked at Doty who was smiling and nodding.  Jimmy was so excited
he could barely remain still.
	"Doty, I have to ask you once again.  Is this what you want..to
grant custody of your grandson to Bob?"  Mr. Jacobs asked looking over his
glasses.
	"What, oh dear Miles (Mr. Jacobs first name) we have been over this
a dozen times.  Of course I want Jimmy and Bob to be together, they are a
family now.  Land sakes I don't think either one of em' could stand it if
anyone tried to keep em' apart."  Doty said in a chastising voice.  "The
sooner this nonsense is done with the sooner we can get on with our lives.
Heaven knows I aint got much time left."
	"Don't say that Doty."  I said taking her hand.
	"I expect Doty will outlive us all."  Mr. Jacobs laughed.  "She is
too mule headed to die."
	We all laughed and suddenly a knock came on the door.  A slender,
balding man peeked in and said "They are ready for you folks now."
	Mr. Jacobs gathered up the papers and led us to the courtroom.
There was no audience, just a stenographer and a deputy.  Mr. Jacobs led us
to a table and we all sat down.  The deputy announced the arrival of the
judge and ask us all to stand.  I watched as Judge Howard entered and sat
heavily at his desk.  He was a big man, balding and maybe 50 or so.  He had
sparkling blue-grey eyes that made him look both kind and jovial.  He
banged his gavel and convienced the proceedings.  From somewhere the
slender balding man from earlier had appeared and began to read the
petition.  I listened nervously as my name was mentioned and that of Jimmy.
I thought about how I had felt that first night when I met Jimmy.  How that
scared little boy had changed my life.  I almost missed the Judge asking me
to stand up.  I stood feeling nervous and somewhat vulnerable as the
Judge. spoke.
	"Mr. McKinney, is it true that you have petitioned this court for
the custody of Jimmy Hughes?"  He asked mechanically.
	"Yes, your honor."  I managed to choke out.
	"Usually the court would ignore the desires of a minor child, but I
feel compelled to ask the young man a few questions.  Jimmy, I'd like for
you to join me in my chambers."  Judge Howard said smiling at Jimmy.
	"Okay."  Jimmy stuttered nervously.
	The Judge exited as we stood and the deputy escorted Jimmy to the
Judge's chamber.  I thought nervously to myself that this couldn't be good,
but Mr. Jacobs was all smiles.
	"When Jimmy gets through with Miles he will be a pussycat."  He
laughed.  I smile nervously and looked at Doty who seemed unaffected by it
all.
	Fifteen minutes later Judge Howard re-entered the courtroom and
Jimmy quickly took his place beside me.  We exchanged a quick smile and
Jimmy took my hand.  I felt nervous and self-concious as I was asked to
rise once more.
	"Mr. McKiney, this court has reviewed all the pertenant documents,
and after interviewing Jimmy here, I have decided to grant custody of young
Jimmy here for six months."  My heart sank at first but he continued. " At
the end of that time I will review the case and make my final ruling.  For
now, in the eyes of the law, you are father and son.  Enjoy yourself."  The
last part was said with so much warmness that I almost forgot that Jimmy
was only mine temporarily.
	After the Judge had exited I turned to Mr. Jacobs.  "What went
wrong?"  I asked dejectedly.
	"What...oh, that.  I fully expected that.  He has every intention
of granting full custody.  He is just playing the game.  If I know him, he
will probably call a second hearing in a month or so and grant you final
custody.  Don't worry.  Like the Judge says, go home and enjoy your son.
As for me, I have an appointment with a t-bone steak would you three like
to join me?"
	"Can we daddy?"  Jimmy asked excitedly.  How could I refuse.
	At the steak place I calmed down a bit and by the time our food
came I felt pretty good.  Jimmy ate his steak, and fries but picked at his
salad.  I could see I was going to have to work at it to get him to eat
right.  After all, now that I was his dad it was my duty to take good care
of him.  I smiled to myself and Jimmy caught my eye.  He smiled really big,
exposing a mouth full of half chewed meat.  He giggled as I garbbed him and
we hugged.  Doty and Mr. Jacobs looked on smiling thoughtfully.  They
recognized the bond Jimmy and I had formed and it seemed to spill over into
their hearts as well.  They were good people and I was lucky not only to
have met Jimmy but, to have met Doty and Miles as well.  I smiled
contentedy and ate my steak.
	Back at the farm, Jimmy couldn't wait to get out of his suit and
into his jeans.  He left a trail of clothes from his door to his bed and I
scolded him gently and he reluctantly picked them up.
	"So, Bear...what do we do now? I mean I guess it's kind of
official.  I mean us being father and son."  I said pulling him into a hug.
	"Know what?"  He said looking up at as if he had some great secret
to reveal.
	"What buddy?"
	"That first night, when you took me to your house.  I knew I was
always gonna be with you.  I think God sent you.  When I prayed...you were
the one he sent."  He looked small and seemed about to cry.  A tiny tear
ran down his cheek.
	I found my eyes were wet as well as I picked him up and gave him a
bear hug.  I kissed his cheek, unable to speak for now.  He smiled up at me
and rubbed his nose against mine.  I just held him until his slight weight
began to tire me out.  I sat him down and he smiled then ran out of the
room, off to play on the farm.  I found myself alone and very thoughtfull.
A lot had happened in such a short time.  It occurred to me that I had not
told my own father about Jimmy or the adoption.  I asked myself why I had
omitted that part of my life from my father.  My father had guessed that I
was gay, but it had never affected our relationship.  He told me that
nothing could ever make him stop loving me...nothing.  But, the couldn't
know about my other desires, the ones I had to keep in check especially
now.  It was all too dark and evil to bring to light.  I had not acted on
my desires, but I knew that if they were given a place to breed they would
consume me.  For Jimmy's sake I had to keep them supressed.  I decided to
call my dad.
	My father was both hurt and happy to find that I had become a
father.  Of course this made him a grandfather, despite the fact that he
kept repeating that he was too young to be a grandpa.  After a while he
warmed up and before we had hung up he made plans to visit us.  I told him
I would look forward to it and I was sure Jimmy would love to meet his
grandpa.  He laughed and repeated the word over and over.  I think he had
begun to warm up to the idea.  I knew he would be the best grandpa in the
world.  As always I had a warm pearceful feeling when I finished talking
with my dad.
	I sat on my bed and my mind went back to a time long ago.  I could
see our old house and I was in my bed.  Surrounded by the stuff a boy
treasures.  I was laying on my bed and I was masturbating.  I had just
learned about it from a friend and I was determined to practice till I got
it right.  I had my pants down and was laying on the bed with my eyes
closed.  I didn't hear the door open or realize anyone was there until
someone sat down heavily on my bed.  My eyes flew open, it was my father.
I had been caught doing a sinful thing by my father, and I was terrified.
My friend had warned me of the dangers of being discovered.  I was frozen,
my hand still attached to my hairless , deflating cock.  It wasn't big,
maybe three inches but it could get so hard it was like a piece of stone.
	I watched my father's face, as my own blushed to bright red and my
eyes began to tear up.  My father was smiling........my god...he wasn't
mad.  I continued to watch as he turned and looked directly at my cock.
Though not as hard as when I had began, it was still standing at attention.
My hand was not moving but the grip I had on it keep the blood surging.
Curiously it seemed he reached out and rubbed my smooth, naked flesh.  My
cock jumped and I wanted to crawl away and die.  What must he think of me.
But, he did not scold me, he smiled again and winked.  He seemed to think
for a moment then, he stood and said the most amazing thing.  "You are
getting to be a big boy now, and sex is part of life.  Don't ever let
anyone tell you it is bad.  It is normal and natural and as long as no one
gets hurt it is no one's business but yours and your partners.  If you have
any questions, any at all, ask me.  I will be honest with you and make no
judgements.  And not matter what you do, I will always love you.  Do you
understand?"
 	I nodded.  He stood and walked out, but before closing the door he
said. "I will knock from now on.  A guy deserves his privacy."  Then he was
gone and I was left with a handfull of growing boy cock.  I don't remember
if I finished masturbating or not.  But, I never felt bad about doing it
ever again.  I hoped I could be that cool with Jimmy.  My father was the
most amazing man I had ever known.  One of my lovers once ask me if I ever
had sexual fantasies about my father.  I answered honestly that I had not,
but I felt deep inside that I would have done anything he would have ask of
me...anything.  I wondered if Jimmy felt that way about me.  It was a
dangerous imbalance of power.  When I had been a boy, I never considered
how little power I had.  I knew my dad loved me and took care of me, but I
never really had any power.  Just as Jimmy had no power over his life.  The
difference was that the people with the power in his life didn't love him.
They used him for thier own benefit and sick desires.  I made a solemn oath
to myself...that I would never abuse the power I had with Jimmy.  He was my
son, and I wanted him to have the same kind of life I had had.  As I
snapped out of my funk, I wondered why I had never remebered that day
before now.  It was as clear as if it had happened yesterday, but until
today I had no memory of it.  I wondered what else I had forgotten over the
years.  I was brought back to reality by an arm full of warm soft boy,
jumping on me and giggling as he tickled his daddy.


End of part seven.......more to come.