Date: Sun, 26 Apr 2009 12:21:06 -0700
From: StoryDad <storydad@gmail.com>
Subject: Love on the Net (chapter 8)

============================= Love on the Net ============================

Copyright: 2009; All rights reserved.

Comments: Email can be sent to StoryDad@gmail.com

Flames, hate mail, and similar things will be ignored.

==========================================================================
CHAPTER 8
==========================================================================

For the rest of the week while I continued attending the conference it was
the same every day.  Gradually I was able to concentrate better on the
proceedings and absorb the material being presented but the sun no longer
shone for me.  The light had run out of my hotel room in a pair of size
seven running shoes and I knew that it would not be coming back no matter
how much I might want it to.  I tried to content myself with the fact that
I had been incredibly fortunate to be with Ricky for one night but every
evening when I returned to my empty room it only reminded me of what I had
gained and then subsequently had to give up.

After the closing Friday session of the conference I packed my suitcase in
preparation for heading out to catch the early morning flight back home the
next morning.  I had left my laptop connected to IRC each night but there
had been no sign of Ricky online.  I understood though.  My boy was smart.
For us to be this close to each other but to not be able to be together was
torture for me and I knew that it had to be even worse for Ricky.  If we had
talked while I was still so this at hand the pain would have been too much
for either of us to hold up under.

I finished folding up my shirts and laid them in the suitcase.  Suddenly the
phone rang.  Only one person other than my office knew where I was and there
would be no reason for the office to be calling me.  My heart leapt as I ran
and grabbed for the phone.  Could it be?

"Hello?" I said with a note of desperation in my voice but the other end of
the line was silent.

"Hello," I repeated but the line still remained silent.

Listening more carefully I could make out the sounds of heavy laboured
breathing.  It had to be.  There was no other explanation.  It could only be
one person.  It was Ricky, my boy!

"I love you Ricky," I said into the silent telephone.  "No matter how far
apart we are I will always love you."

The phone remained silent for a moment and then I heard three words barely
above a whisper and then the phone went dead.

"Always and forever."

The misery of our parting once again hit me full force and I knew that my
boy was hurting too but at the same time we were still unshakably connected
by a bond that remained strong.  I knew that this weekend was when his man
was going to try and make my boy into something that he was not.  My blood
ran cold now whenever I thought of this man touching Ricky.  Trying to make
my boy feel dirty.  Using him.  Defiling him.  Hurting him.  I was angry but
at the same time I knew that there was nothing I could do.  Ricky's home was
here, mine was 2,500 miles away and in a different country.  I could not
have my boy with me no matter how much the two of us might want it.

I tried to sleep but only tossed and turned endlessly.  Finally just before
dawn I gave up.  I got up, washed, and dressed.  I put the last of my things
into my suitcase.  I went down to the lobby, checked out, and took a cab to
the airport.

I was grateful that Ricky had called last night even if it made the anguish
rear up again inside me but I knew that we both would treasure that final
moment of brief contact between us.  The fact that I was going to be flying
back home and away from my boy was not going to deaden the aching feeling in
me, in fact it only made it worse.  I knew that I would never see Ricky
again.  Fate had been wonderful to me, allowing me to see my boy, to be with
him for one glorious night.  And now fate was tearing me apart as quickly as
it had made me believe in miracles.

The flight back home was long and uneventful and I tried to read a book but
an hour later after I had reread the same page about five times I realized
it was hopeless.  I stared out the window beside me at the featureless
expanse of white cloud below and I could only think about one thing.  Ricky.
In time I knew that I would remember only the happiness of our night
together, my boy's enthusiastic smile, his joyful giggles, the touch of his
gentle hands, his cries of ecstasy, but for now all I could feel was the
heartache of our parting.

I changed planes in Toronto and with the three hours of time zone
differential I finally arrived back home in the middle of the afternoon.  I
picked up my car from the parking lot and drove to my house.  It was good to
be back in my own place after the long journey but following that one
beautiful unforgettable evening when I was permitted to visit paradise it
was going to seem very empty all by myself.

I opened my suitcase and threw my dirty clothes into the washing machine.
I took the manuals and papers that I had picked up at the conference and
stacked them next to the front door so that I would remember to take them to
work with me on Monday.  After removing the rest of my things remaining in
the bottom of my suitcase I found an envelope that I did not remember seeing
before or recall putting there.  There was something written on the front of
the envelope in a hand that I did not recognize.  I bent closer to read it.

"Because I know you will appreciate it even if he doesn't."

I knew that it had to be Ricky that wrote it but I did not understand what
the words meant.  I turned the envelope over and carefully unsealed it so
that I could look inside.  I lifted the flap up and spread the envelope
open.

Inside I could see several small tufts of light brown hair.  I knew at once
what it was.  My boy had cut off some of the velvety soft hair that I had
fondled so appreciatively and had sent it home with me.  I held the envelope
up to my nose and I was still able to catch a tiny hint of Ricky's scent
that remained clinging to that beautiful hair.

Tears came to my eyes as I looked at the most precious and intimate gift my
boy could have given me short of himself.  I also knew what it meant in
other terms.  From the amount of hair in the envelope I knew that there was
no way his man could fail to miss that Ricky had used scissors and trimmed
himself.  There would be questions at least.  Perhaps worse.  Much as I
treasured this most personal of gifts I became worried for my boy.

Having been away from home for a week I busied myself for the rest of the
day with going out and buying groceries, cleaning up the house, and similar
things.  I cooked some dinner for myself but once again it seemed bland.  I
realized that it was going to take me a long time for things to get back to
feeling how they once did.  To have loved and lost is better than never
having loved at all but life does not continue the same way afterwards.

I finished dinner and put the dishes in the dishwasher.  I turned on my
computer so that I could look through the email that had accumulated while
I had been away.  My usual collection of programs that I normally use
started themselves automatically in the background.  I was reading and
replying to my mail when my machine beeped at me.  I looked down at the dock
at the bottom of the screen and one of the icons was bouncing and requesting
my attention.  It was my IRC client program.

I immediately clicked on the bouncing icon to bring the program to the
foreground so that I could check its status display to determine what the
alert was.  The cause was immediately obvious.  My heart skipped a beat.

"Signon detected: Rick94"

My hands moved quickly and I requested an extended status display to verify
if it was my boy and not someone coincidentally using the same screen name.
I read the results as they printed out.  The IP address and DNS information
matched.  It was Ricky.  I opened a message window and typed in a short
greeting message.

My screen remained blank.  One minute went by.  Two minutes.  Something was
terribly wrong, I could feel it.  Three minutes went by.  I did another
extended status display and I saw that the idle time on my boy's screen name
was getting longer.  That told me that he was not talking with someone else,
Ricky was not talking with anyone.  He was connected but just sitting there.
My hands moved to the keyboard again.  Just then the screen beeped.

   Rick94> Did you really mean what you said when we were talking after the
   lights were out?

   R-sMan> I meant every word of it.  I still do.  I love you and always
   will.

   Rick94> Even when I get older you will still want me?

   R-sMan> Even when you are taller than me and weigh more than me.  I will
   still want you.

   Rick94> You will still let me be your boy even if I'm bigger than I am
   now?

   R-sMan> Always and forever, my love.  I will never want anyone but you.

   Rick94> I went to his place today.  I was going to try and talk to him.
   Tell him that I didn't want him to make me do things with his friend.

   R-sMan> How did that go?

   Rick94> At first he just sat and listened.  I thought maybe he was going
   to agree.  But then someone knocked on the door and his friend came in.
   I got scared.  They both laughed at me.  They told me I was going to like
   it.

   R-sMan> Did they hurt you?  I guess things got very unpleasant for you
   after that.

   Rick94> I told them I didn't want to.  He said I was his slut and that
   that I had to obey because he owned me.  I said no I wasn't.  That I
   didn't belong to him anymore.

   R-sMan> Don't let him make you think that's what you are.  You're my
   beautiful brave boy.  You won't ever be what he said.

   Rick94> He grabbed me and his friend came up behind me and started to
   pull my pants off.

   R-sMan> Oh my love, you don't have to tell me the horrible details.  It
   will hurt you too much to have to relive it.

   Rick94> No I have to tell you.  I want you to know what happened.  I
   struggled.  His friend tried to put it in me.  I kicked and got loose.
   Then he saw that I'd cut my hair off.

   R-sMan> I found your special gift.  It was so sweet of you.  You know
   that I will treasure it always.

   Rick94> When he saw he got angry.  He asked why I did it.  I told him I
   gave it to someone that cares about me.  He shouted at me, said I
   belonged to him and nobody else.  They'd both been drinking a lot but
   they came after me.  I ran and grabbed my pants off the floor.  They
   weren't very steady on their feet and I managed to get to the door and
   get away.

   R-sMan> You got away!  Oh my love, I'm so relieved!!!

   Rick94> My coat's still there but I ran and then got my pants back on.
   Then I walked home.  It was a long way.  My mom was out so she didn't see
   me when I got home fortunately.

   R-sMan> Oh thank goodness you're OK.  But it was horrible nevertheless.
   How are you feeling?

   Rick94> When I got home I was shaking.  Crying.  Scared.  He was never
   that aggressive before.  I didn't know him anymore seeing him like that.

   R-sMan> Did he hurt you physically?  Do you need medical help?

   Rick94> I'm OK.  Just some bruises.  His friend tried but he didn't get
   it in me.  I feel so dirty now.

   R-sMan> My love you're not dirty, you're my brave beautiful boy.  I don't
   know if I could have been as brave as you were.

   Rick94> Am I still your boy?  Do you still feel the same way about me?
   Do you still want me even after everything that happened?

   R-sMan> I still want you.  You will always be my boy.  The question is do
   you still want me for your man?

   Rick94> Always and forever.

   R-sMan> On the day that you turn 18, if you look out your window I will
   be outside standing next to a car with the door open waiting for you.  If
   you want me to.

   Rick94> It's a long time until then.  It will be hard to wait.

   R-sMan> When's your 16th birthday?

   Rick94> In the summer.  Why?

   R-sMan> Think you might like to have someone come and wish you happy
   birthday?  Think you could get away during the day maybe?  I could take
   a few days off from work and fly down to see you if you wanted.

   Rick94> REALLY????  That's only a few months away.  I could see you
   again!  But it would be expensive for you wouldn't it?

   R-sMan> Do you remember what we said to each other when we placed our
   hands on each other's hearts?

   Rick94> Yes.

   R-sMan> You're my boy.  I'm your man.  How could I not come and see you
   now.  After you've been so brave.  After you've made me so proud of you.

   Rick94> You would really come?  All this way?  Just to be with me?

   R-sMan> How about once in the summer, once at Christmas, and maybe again
   at spring break.  And every year until you're 18.  Then you can come and
   be with me.  If you want to that is.

   Rick94> I WANT!!!!!!!   *kiss*

   R-sMan> I can't be there every day for you, but I want to watch you grow.
   I want to hold your hand.  I want to look in your eyes.  I want to see
   that beautiful hair of yours that you cut off grow back.

   Rick94> And I want you.  I want you to hold me.  Touch me.  I want you to
   take me and make love to me.  Make me forget what happened today.

   R-sMan> Sit in my lap now my love and tell me everything that happened.
   Every horrible detail.  And then we will put it behind us and only think
   of our future together.

   Rick94> If I sit in your lap you know what will start happening to me.
   *blush*

   R-sMan> How can a man be any more flattered than if his boy reacts just
   from simply sitting in his lap.  *hugs*

For the rest of the evening and long into the night my boy and I talked.  He
told me every sordid detail of his man's attempt to make him into something
that he was not.  He told me of his fear.  That if he said 'no' his worries
that he would have nothing and no one.  His fear of having to try and find
a new man.  His worries that despite our words and feelings that we could
never really be together.  But in the end he told me that somehow he found
the courage to stand his ground.  Ricky is a very gentle boy and he said
that he did not know where he found the courage to resist, but I knew.

He had begun to find his courage while sitting at his computer and chatting.
Then his courage grew stronger on a beautiful glorious night in a hotel room
on the island of Manhattan.  He had nourished that courage in my arms.  It
was not born of something particular that we had done, it was not created
out of physical passion, it was not something that I had handed to him.  It
was something that exists only in the two hearts of two people that live
only for the other's happiness.

Is it possible to be in love with someone that you have never met?

I felt that I knew but I confirmed the answer when I first saw Ricky in the
airport when I landed at LaGuardia.  I found the answer again in that hotel
room when Ricky washed me and when we ate dinner.  Then the answer became
even more unmistakably clear when at last we made love together and
afterwards when we just laid together in bed holding each other.

It was that same answer that gave Ricky his courage.

Love truly can conquer everything.