Date: Thu, 10 May 2007 09:32:53 +0200 From: A.K. <andrej@andrejkoymasky.com> Subject: Luminous Encounters 10/13 (Adult Youth) ---------------------------- LUMINOUS ENCOUNTERS by Andrej Koymasky (C) 2007 written on October 12, 1993 translated by the author English text kindly revised by John ----------------------------- USUAL DISCLAIMER "LUMINOUS ENCOUNTERS" is a gay story, with some parts containing graphic scenes of sex between males. So, if in your land, religion, family, opinion and so on this is not good for you, it will be better not to read this story. But if you really want, or because YOU don't care, or because you think you really want to read it, please be my welcomed guest. ----------------------------- CHAPTER 10 The relationship between Dario and Gustavo, on a physical level, developed and became more complete night after night. Also when they finally came to penetration, Gustavo penetrated his friend with gentle and tender vigor, with movements almost solemn in their determined calm, with a full and mature passion. Dario enjoyed his friend's way of making love very much. Their intercourse always had the solemn calm of eternity, not the hurried grasping of a fleeting moment. They were unions savoured to the end, rationed, relished, but not for that any less passionate. Gustavo wanted also to be penetrated by Dario. But gradually Dario preferred to be taken, more than to take him. He felt that, even though Gustavo willingly accepted the bottom role, he didn't get great pleasure from it. That of Gustavo was more a rational acceptation than an instinctive one. It was not, and seemed not to become, a real desire. They never reached several orgasm in one night, as had happened with Lallo, but just one, after an union that could last even for hours. When they were alone, mainly after they were back home once the tour was over, they got into the habit of going around totally naked, and they often kissed, touched each other, even without having intercourse. It was a way to keep awake the mutual desire, feeding it for a long time, until they finally united and enjoyed each other. They continually offered themselves to each other, and each time it was as if they were meeting for the first time. As if they were touching, discovering each other for the first time; as if they saw the other's nakedness for the first time. As if they united for the first time! To Dario this was an entirely new experience, incredibly beautiful. And Dario, one day found himself totally in love with Gustavo. "Gus, I've made love with dozens of men, but you... there's not one like you." "You too are unique, and not only because you are the first and sole male I make love with." His friend answered sweetly, tenderly brushing Dario's body. "Gus... I love you. I would like being with you forever..." His friend nodded in assent, but answered, "Curley, it will not be forever..." "But we can at least try." "I really love you. And I fit perfectly with you. I really like making love with you. But I know myself... Sooner or later I need to have a family, have children. It is my dream. Thus, sooner or later, I will have to part from you... You cannot deceive yourself." "Oh, Gus... but I love you..." "I love you too, in my own way. And it isn't because you are a male, that I can't... I mean, there are things that will prevent me living forever with you. One is, as I said, the fact that we cannot have children. Even if you were a woman, but sterile, it would be the same - sooner or later I would look for another woman to have children with, can you understand? And the second problem is that we cannot live our relationship openly. You see, Luca can embrace, kiss Gianna anywhere, without problems, in front of everybody. That won't be possible for us. Possibly that's also because of my cowardice, I admit it. But I would not feel like bearing the others reaction if we did it. Therefore, Curley, even though our relationship is beautiful, even wonderful, it cannot last. Can you undersand me?" "Yes, Gus, I can understand you..." "I know I'm hurting you, telling you such things. And they pain me too, believe me. We could be together one year, two, possibly even more, but at the end... It's my fault, I know it, but I want to marry, to have children... I'm sorry, Curley..." "It's alright, Gus. Let's enjoy the time that is allowed to us..." "I've saddened you, haven't I?" "You have been honest." "I love you, Curley, believe me..." "Yes, I can feel it, I know it. You are able to make me feel it." "Mine is not just desire to fuck, mine is..." "I know Gus, I know it very well. You and I are really making love..." Dario was thinking it over. For Lallo he had felt a strong attraction, but possibly there had not really been love. For Gus, on the contrary... It was real love. For the first time he could recognize it. He was so much in love with Gus that he could understand him, he could understand he could not keep Gus with him and for him alone. He understood that Gus' happiness really was having a family, children, and he could not give him this kind of happiness. But he wanted happiness for Gus, because love consists in that. And he knew that Gus was sincere. Even when his friend said to him once, after making love, "Curley?" "Yes?" "I'll never forget you, do you know that? You will always be with me, even when I find my woman. And my children will also be partly yours..." "Mine?" "Yes, because each time we make love, you become a little more a part of me. When I drink your seed, my body absorbs it and your cells become part of my body. Can you see this? I feel you so..." Dario kept silent, in a mix of emotion, sadness, sweetness. Gustavo kissed, caressed him. "Sooner or later we will stop making love. You will find your man, I my woman. And as we are both faithful animals, so we will not cheat on our partners, but all the same we will remain bound as two beings have never been, I feel it. For me it is so, I know. I will never stop loving you... you have to believe me." "I believe you." Dario said, sincere, but silent tears streaked his cheeks. Gustavo noticed it and tenderly dried them, "I'm making you suffer, aren't I?" he asked with sadness. "It is not your fault. And I love you as you are, Gus" "You would be for me to be different..." "No. If you were different, you would not be Gus..." "You are extraordinary, Curley. It's impossible not to love you. I presumed, before, I knew you... It is really true that to get to really know another you have to make love with him... You can't guess how very grateful I am that you accepted me, that you accept me as I am." "I love you, Gus..." "Yes, and it's I, possibly, who doesn't love you enough. I should be able to give up having a family, children, for you. But I know I could not. I would like to change for you..." "No, Gus. Each of us is... as he is. It's all right that way, Gus..." "No, I know that it is not all right... I'm making you suffer, and I should not..." "Gus! You are giving me one of the most beautiful periods of my life. You are giving me all that you can." "Too little though, isn't it?" "It's alright. We should not make too many problems for ourselves; let's enjoy what life offers us, as long as it is possible. You will meet your woman, I my man, as you said. Until then... I feel good with you." "I feel good with you too, I must admit it. I would just like to be able to make you really happy." "But I am happy." "Really?" "Yes, Gus, as much as one can be happy in spite of all the limits that condition our life. But now... let's make love, Gus. I need to feel you inside me..." "I do too, Curley." In spite of both knowing it would not last, their relationship continued untouched, strong and beautiful. They lived it day after day, both trying not to think of the future, or at least, not to think too much about it. Dario met Silvano several times. And so he told the professor about his relationship with Gustavo. "He is a dear boy, I think, your friend Gustavo..." "Yes. I love him. And he too loves me, after all." "Yes, I understand. But evidently his love is not a full, complete love. Real love puts the other in the first place and is ready to renounce everything, really everything, just to make the other happy..." "But Gus can't renounce. It is not that he doesn't want to, he's not able to." "Alright. Therefore he is not able to love you as he himself possibly would like." "It's not his fault..." "No, I agree with you. It is not easy to really love, to totally love. It is one of the most difficult things in life. One can learn it little by little... if one believes in love." "I've not seen Giusto for quite a while...." Dario remarked at one point. "He left me. He is now with Lallo. I think they are made one for the other." "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know. And so you are alone now..." "It would have happened sooner or later. Do you remember I told you so?" "Yes. But after all, you really gave him up for quite a while." "Sure, because Giusto just took a fancy to me, he was not in love with me." "But... didn't you let him have too much freedom to have sex with whoever he liked?" "In a love relationship, 'too much freedom' never exists. Even if I allowed him less freedom, it would have come to an end anyway. It was not up to me to limit his freedom. It was up to him to feel so completely free to choose to be with one and only one person. I think that he possibly understands that, now that he is with Lallo." "Are you suffering for having lost him?" "No. Because I never had him, after all, therefore I didn't lose him. For sure it was good being with him. Giuseppe was sweet and dear, and it was also good making love with him. It was good talking with him... But possibly what I was offering him was too much for him... for his barely eighteen years. We were together for two years, anyway. He was too young, or I was too old for him. As I told you, he was looking to me more as a teacher, a guide, than as a lover. I've always been aware of that." "But... why did you get into a relationship with a... an adolescent? Do you like young boys?" Silvano laughed, "No, not at all. I like rather more mature boys, at least of your age. It was Giusto who schemed all he could to be with me, until I surrendered." "Was he one of your students?" "No, we met there, at the river side. He was friendly with Fiore and with his boyfriend of that time. He started to court me in an incredible way. He was too young for me, even though he was physically already well developed. And he knew how to make love... When he was just sixteen and half he already had had plenty of experience. Just think that he started making love when he was barely a pubescent boy, at twelve, first with his older brother, then with his brother's friends. Also his older brother is gay." "I never met Giusto's brother." "No, he works in Austria now, where he lives with his lover." "I always asked myself why he is called Giusto instead of Giuseppe..." "I think it's a nickname he got when he was a child... You know, at times one says 'he is a right one, 'un - giusto' just to say he's a clever, honest person..." "Prof, can you explain something for me?" "I'll try." "In your opinion, even though I know that sooner or later my story with Gus will come to an end, each time I make love with him I feel... regenerated, enriched, happier, stronger, more complete. Why is that? The fact I know I'm going to lose him saddens me, of course, and yet my relationship with him continues to be really beautiful..." "It is what I call a luminous encounter. It is a not common kind of encounter and yet it's not very rare. The luminous encounter takes you out of time - past and future are cancelled. Only the present exists, as I said, a splendid luminous present. And so, even when this fragment of present comes to an end, when you come back to everyday reality, when you are separated from your beloved, it is enough you think of him to feel he is inside you, he keeps you company, he supports you in difficulties, he raises your spirits. Luminous encounters leave indelible trails, all life long." "Gus says he will always love me, even when we'll be separated, even when he'll have his woman, his family." "Yes, I believe it. He too is experiencing this luminous encounter with you, that's evident. And he is aware of that." "He also says another thing... He says that when... when he drinks my... my seed, my cells become part of his body and that's why he will always have me with him... and that also his children will be somewhat mine..." "That's a curious biological-poetical image. Not real, but really beautiful. He has to be a special boy, your Gus. In his own way, he is swearing you eternal love..." "But... if I am in love with Gus, how can I ever fall in love with another? By killing my love for Gus?" "Not necessarily. Surely, love can also die, but with love a part of us also dies. Or else, love can take refuge in a small corner of our heart. And so leave room for a new, great, real love. You see, my boy, love is not divided like a sliced cake, it is multiplied." "But if I still love Gus, the new love wouldn't be complete, total, and true... Or is it possible to love two people at once in the same way?" "We can love everybody in the same way and at once. It's a little like a good mother - when a new baby is born, she totally loves him, and for sure she doesn't love her other children any less. That's why I said that love is not like a cake you divide in slices, but is multiplied. But the love of a couple is slightly different. In fact, as our forces are limited, and as the Other, with a capital 'O', the Beloved One, has to come first in everything and everybody, and even though we let the love for the others live, we have to put all of ourselves in just one love, just one at a time. It is similar to the sense of sight. You can see many things at once, but have to fix your attention on one only point at a time. But also when all your attention is totally focused on a single point, this doesn't prevent your field of vision being much wider than that single point. Thus, when you will fall in love with another, Gus will always be, so to say, inside your field of vision." "Yes, I understand. As I will always be within Gus's visual field." "I really think so." "That's beautiful." "Life is beautiful." The professor answered with a smile. "Yes, it's clear that you see life as beautiful. I can detect it in your drawings as well." "You too see life as beautiful. I can feel it when you play..." "That's true. I believe that what makes our music good is exactly the fact that all five of us love life and feel it to be beautiful. I also think that what exists between Gus and I could exist with the other band's members if we were just less conditioned by society. Anyway it's splendid that it is born between Gus and me. He desired it for a long time... It was I who resisted him. Isn't it funny?" "You knew, your subconscious knew, that a relationship between you two could not last, therefore it resisted. Because, you see, if on one side eternity scares us, on the other side we yearn for eternity. Our true nature is to live in eternity." "But then, why in the end did I accept? Am I possibly a little masochistic?" "No!" Silvano laughed. "Simply the luminous encounter happened and you could not escape it." "The stroke of lightning, you mean?" "No, not exactly. The stroke of lightning is a kind of luminous encounter of peculiar intensity and violence. It is a revelation. But more than illuminate, it blinds. There is, instead, a luminous encounter whose light rises little by little, like a sunrise. It's a slow evolution. But at the end we find ourselves immersed in a light that is strong, warm, intense like that of lightning, but which is lasting. That's what happened between Gus and you. Your relationship wasn't born from lightning, but from a dawn..." "Is it possibly because of that, that our sex is not impetuous but quiet, even though intense?" "It could also be so. But it is also a question of characters." "But I was so impetuous with Lallo. With Gus on the contrary I am so tranquil... How am I really?" "Each one of us, if he is not shut in himself like an oyster, realizes himself in relation to others. That's why relations with different people could never be alike." "It's so good talking with you, Prof." "Thank you. Also talking with you is good. You are a really beautiful boy, and I don't mean only physically. You are a joy both for the eyes and for the heart." "Come on! You embarrass me..." Dario answered, shyly, lightly blushing. "We always have an odd reserve telling another - I like you. Thus we have that same reserve to be told so. Especially when one can feel that the compliment is really heart-felt." "Well, then I have to confess something to you, Prof. When I saw you the first time, there at the riverside, I didn't feel you were so very interesting. You are well built but... I was fascinated by Fiore." "Fiore is fascinating. He and Carlo have now been together for more than three years. Fiore has a beautiful body, and also a beautiful soul..." "Yes. He attracted me very much, much more than all the others. But little by little I started to get to know you. And I became aware that you are wonderful. You have a peculiar beauty that manifests itself very gradually. It is possibly the difference between a small bottle of perfume and the pure air. The perfume hits you at once, smothers all the other scents. But the pure air is what makes the scents really enjoyable, all the other scents. The pure air has a much higher value than the best of perfumes." "You are making me a really beautiful compliment, Curley..." ----------------------------- CONTINUES IN CHAPTER 11 ----------------------------- In my home page I've put some more of my stories. If someone wants to read them, the URL is http://andrejkoymasky.com If you want to send me feed-back, or desire to help revising my English translations, so that I can put on-line more of my stories in English please e-mail at andrej@andrejkoymasky.com ---------------------------