Date: Sat, 9 Oct 2004 10:32:51 -0700 (PDT)
From: Thomas-Alexander Kind <thomasalexander_kind@yahoo.com>
Subject: Mihai-06

'The truth is out there.!'
And now here as well, as this is true and not all that
long ago...or maybe too long ago.!
No disclaimer, as the ones that hold the power do what
they want anyhow. Everybody else does not need one.
Storycode:M/b



Mihai-06

Of course morning comes too soon.
But I slept fitfully at best.
So in some ways I welcome the light that sneaks in
through the curtains.

I have a sleeping boy in my bed.
There is a naked boy sleeping beside me.!
Covered by my blankets, our skin is touching.
He is drooling a little onto my arm, that is pillow to
his head.
As I am trying to move a little away from him, he
rolls into the void and I now have his leg between
mine again. Can feel his hard penis against my hip and
his thigh pushing against mine.

I have slept alone for so long that I do not know any
more how to deal with this.
The heat his small body exudes is making me sweat.
But maybe that is not all.?!
Yes, yes,... I am nervous to the point of sweating.
Laying here, next to a very naked Mihai.
What now,... what comes next.?

I want this.!
What do I want from this.?
I have been handed a dream.
How does one hold a dream.?
I feel complete ... and at the same time torn apart.

This is not the upstairs room in some bar in Bangkok.
No short-time hotel.

There has been no money handed out, for services
rendered.
If I say the wrong words this will never happen again.
Maybe if I say any words this will never happen again.
Maybe this is a dream.
Just more so.
Last night was easy, this morning is hard.
I will have to make a decision... or do I.?
	*
What decision do I think I have to make.
The mice will eat breakfast, dress and slip out the
door.
I will have more coffee and sit in front of my laptop,
clicking keys.
My friend and I will meet someone-or-the-other for
lunch, will shop for more food, laugh and joke to each
other about the potholes in the streets that are big
enough to swallow small cars.
Talk about the packs of dogs that roam the city, the
weather, his boys.
Will have an early supper maybe.

The mice may not be coming at all.
They do not always show up, you know.

I may not see Mihai for a few days.!
I may not feel his bony, soft body on me until.?!
Maybe he will never come back.
Maybe one of these crazy drivers out there in those
impossible cars will not see him stepping out from the
curb.!
Or the police will round up the boys again, take them
to some dark hole in some police station and beat the
bare soles of their feet until they bleed, just for
fun,
and so they do not run away. Then hand them over to
some Children's Home, where the older boys will have
their hard fun with Mihai until they are surely
satisfied, for the moment.
And I will never see him again.!

My arms have closed around him, I am clasping him to
my chest... Mihai is awake now. I want to keep holding
him close to me.!
Mihai is struggling to get out from my grasp, and when
I finally listen to him he smiles and pinches his
stiff penis and bounces out the door to the bathroom.!
He makes it in time.

I am left without him, cold, exposed... alone.!

There must be a way,... some way to have him close to
me.
Mihai returns and slides under the blankets next to
me, leg between mine, arm over my chest, head on my
shoulder.
Kisses my neck and with a barely audible sigh, closes
his eyes to go back to sleep, while he drags my arm
over him.

My eyes water.
Oh gods tell me that I can have this, even for a
little while.
This is what I want.
This is what I need.
Please let me dream a while longer.
	*
But the noises in the kitchen are not easy to sleep
through a little more then half an hour later. My
friend is making tea and setting up breakfast for the
boys.
Daniel is coming into my room, looking for Mihai.
Smiles and pulls him from under the covers by his leg.
Pisses Mihai off, but after a few loud words they both
look at me with some concern.
I shrug it off, but push Mihai out to get some pants
on and some food into him, before they have to go.
Before they have to go.!

They are out the door.
Down the stairs.
Out the door.
Into the cold, grey winter morning.

I want to be happy, want to feel the afterglow of this
night.
But I feel empty and alone.
By noon I have convinced myself that it was nothing,
some little fun-on-the-run.
There is no need to worry, or want, or sigh.!
Only a few weeks and I will be back in the West for a
project anyhow.
It will be a story I tell a few friends about.
Because these things do not happen to me, these...
these kind of attachments.
Hey, I am a wind-at-my-back kind of guy... that is how
I have managed the last decades.
Mihai will come back some day, will sleep on the sofa
or in my friends room.
Will be smiley and chatty.
Cold and hungry.
Small and dirty.
Needing.

And me,... well, I will be working.
No time. Liar.!
No way, I do not fit this picture. Liar.!
He does not need me. Liar.!
He will,... not want me.! Liar, liar, pants on fire.!
	*
In the evening I have too much wine with dinner.
Feeling a little tipsy.
Laughing a little too loud.
My friend is amused.
I feel desperate.
It is 9 pm and the mice have not come.
9:30 pm and no mice.

I retreat to my room... to lick my wounds.
The ones I don't have.! Yeah right.
My door is almost closed and I am getting ready to
hide under the covers.
Until, there are excited voices in the hall.... THE
MICE.!
I am in the hall in 3 strides... and Mihai is in my
arms in one jump.!

Thank you gods, he is back!

That night I hold him close and I don't mind the
sweat.!
One hand on his bum as he is laying on me, his leg
between mine, the other one stroking his head. He has
been asleep for some time already. But I can not find
my way into the land of dreams... I think it is
because I am already there.
	*
By the time I am leaving for the West some weeks
later, I know that Mihai will be there when I come
back.
And I will stay with him.
And he with me.



More in Mihai-07