Date: Wed, 14 Jun 2006 20:34:44 -0700 (PDT)
From: Nate Phate <natejob18@yahoo.com>
Subject: Mr. Kraver

The author retains all rights to this story. Please do not publish anything
without authorization.  This is a true story that contains zero sex,
between a teenager and an adult.  Nothing happened.  You'll find out why in
the story.

	My name's Nathan.  It was my sophomore year in high school just 2
years ago, and I was a mere 16 years of age.  Now 18, I've gotten enough
courage within myself to tell this story.  It's not really a story, but
more so a yearlong experience that I had with the only man I'll ever fall
in love with.

		I have always considered myself straight.  Every night I go
to sleep with fantasies of beautiful women putting me to sleep.  But this
September day, the first day of school, after the first 4 periods of my day
just zipped on by, I entered 5th period.  Math.  I thought nothing of the
teacher at first.  He is a man in his late fifties, though he looks nothing
like it.  Short, probably 5'8'', blonde hair, the most beautiful blue eyes
I've ever seen, and in good shape, or in my opinion, perfect shape...No he
isn't all hard muscle, but he is in good shape for his age, very cuddly
looking if I must say.  He also wears the most interesting ring on his
right hand..The first thing I noticed about him--that really got my juices
flowing, is when he walked on by me, and the scent of this man just lifted
me off my feet.

		What??  Why was I thinking about this?  I'm a straight,
heterosexual young man.  Snap out of it, Nathan.

		He introduced himself as Mr. Kraver, and took roll of our
class for the first time.  When he got to my name, he stopped, asked about
my middle name and through out a joke my way, and I was so fascinated by
this man that I acted stupid and rudely acted like his joke wasn't funny.
I'm still kicking myself for that, because after that day, our
"relationship" continued with little to no spoken words...

As the year slowly went by...I would get more and more excited to go to
Mr. Kraver's class for math.  During class, I would just sit there and
stare at him, and admire him.  God, he is such a sexy man.  The thing that
really got me was his sense of humor, and his stories of the military.
Wow, a retired military man.  What a turn on.  But I still was too shy to
talk to him.  I wish I could have, but he is such a gorgeous human being,
inside and out.  I guess what I really liked about him was that he reminded
me of my Dad, but then he didn't, as I dislike my dad very much.  I can't
explain it.  I learned little to nothing in math, as all period long I'd
just be admiring this man to death.

And the thing is...he would look at me, too.  Straight in the eyes.  And I
would get scared and look a different way.  But something about those
stares made me think: Could this incredible man be wanting me?  NO.
Nathan, don't be a naive little idiot. He's straight, he was in the
military, he's in his fifties, I'm 16.  NO.


		But day in and day out, I would catch him staring at me.
When I did catch him, he would look away.  This went on for the longest
time.  Whenever I started talking to my neighboring students in class while
we worked on math, he would see me, smile, and walk over and try to get
involved in the conversation every time.  And I would get scared, and stop
talking.

	Is he interested in me?  Nooo, that would be ridiculous.  Again I'm
thinking with my naive little brain.  He just wants to get involved with
his students in a friendly way.

		But he would stare at me when I wasn't looking, and I'd
catch him.  And I'd stare at him when he wasn't looking, and he's catch me.
He started getting a bit more aggressive (that is, if he did want me, but
he probably didn't and it was all in my mind).  On my tests, the problems I
got wrong he would write step by step what I did wrong and how to do it
right the next time, and draw the cutest little smiley faces on my test.
Was this just on my test??  Is he flirting?  Noo...he can't be.

		That was the thing about Mr. Kraver.  He had such a neat
sense of humor.  He really did make math fun, so I didn't know if this was
just flirting or him being creatively helpful.  But those
stares...everytime I caught him staring, for some reason I felt like there
was something behind those stares...

		One day, a kid remarked to a friend, "That's so gay."
Mr. Kraver immediately put the class to a halt, and lectured us about how
much he hated that word, especially out of its correct context.

		Another time, some girl said, "Oh my God, Mr. Kraver, did
you know that this person is gay?"  She was talking about a well-known
actor.  He once again halted the class, and said, "So what?  What does it
matter if he's gay?  Why does that interest you?  I'm straight, does that
interest you?  Why does it matter?"  I feel like he really put out an extra
limb to put at ease stereotypes.  What a great man...

	As the year continued, and warmed, I started wearing shorts.  The
very first day I walked into class with shorts on, he was in the middle of
talking with a student, then his talking kind of went dead as he started
saying things like "uhh", like his mind was somewhere else. And his eyes
were on my bare legs.  Staring.  At my legs.  No, Nathan.  He's not staring
in a sexual way....he can't be. He's too good for me, and he's straight.
And so am I.  He's in his fifties, don't be crazy.  But I was.

	The stares continued, and even if they didn't happen every single
day--when they did happen, when our eyes met for a split 2 seconds, I felt
like there was something behind those stares.  But no, I'm being
ridiculous.  He doesn't even talk to me.  He hasn't called on me all year.

	One of my classmates asked him when his favorite era of his life
was.  He said it was when his kids were little, so whenever he'd walk
through the door, they'd yell "DADDYYYY" and jump into his arms.  I just
about melted right there.  I know he's a wonderful father.

		As the year neared an end...he would walk over to my side
of the classroom often, sit down right by us, and start telling us stories,
or just trying to start up a conversation with us.  But what's this?  He's
not making eye contact with me.  AT ALL.  He can look every single one of
us in the eye except me.  I then started to think, maybe Mr. Kraver is
afraid of me like I'm afraid of him.  I don't know...  He always wanted to
get on my side of the classroom and talk with my neighboring classmates,
but he never talked to me, or made eye contact with me at such a close
distance.  And if he did, I'd look away quickly.  I was afraid of this dead
sexy man, because I didn't know how to react to such a man.  Oh, what a
man..

		FINALLY...one day my partner and I were working on math in
class.  My partner rose her hand to ask Mr. Kraver how to do a problem that
we both weren't sure of.  Oh no, I can't get this close to him.  I started
to panic, and said, "No no, I'll figure it out."  I did, and told her how
to do it.  Mr. Kraver saw my partner's hand in the air though, and walked
on over anyway.  My partner said, "It's okay, Nathan showed me how to do
it."  Mr. Kraver started to walk away, but then stopped and turned around.

	"Thank you, Nathan."  WHAT?  Is he talking to me???

		He noticed my flustered and confused face, and
continued.."For showing her how to do it." And smiled.  He was staring
straight into my eyes.

		"Huh?  Oh, anytime..." was all I could say, and smiled
back.  My heart was racing a thousand beats per minute.  No exaggeraton.  I
was so flustered and nervous and, WHAT JUST HAPPENED?  He actually
acknowledged me.

		The last day of school came.  I was incredibly sad.  As we
were taking our finals, I looked up once more and caught Mr. Kraver staring
at me.  We just stared at each other for a few seconds, and I continued
with my final.  At the end of the test, the bell rang, and I said goodbye
to my friends in the classroom.  One of my friends wanted to say goodbye to
Mr. Kraver, and he gave her the tightest hug.  Oh, I wish that hug were for
me.  He wished her a good future, and it was just me, my friend, and
Mr. Kraver in the class.  I wanted to shake his hand so bad, and tell him
thanks for a good year.  I was incredibly tempted. But I've never said a
word to him all year.  How awkward would it be to start now?  So I, again
being the idiot I am, rudely walked off.  I think he was expecting me to
say something to him, too.  Just the way he hugged my friend, it seemed
like he was waiting for me to finally speak to him, to say anything to him.
But I was so damn nervous, I didn't.

		I'll never forget how beautiful Mr. Kraver was on that last
day of school.  His golden blonde hair combed all neatly.  The way his
beautiful blue eyes squinted when he smiled.  He is said to be the best
dressed teacher on campus, and I believe it.  Though he was only a short
5'8'' or 5'9'', it made him kind of cute in a way.  Cute, sexy, manly,
gorgeous--this is all Mr. Kraver and more.  And though we never spoke a
word, I feel like I fell in love with this gorgeous man.  And that's so
stupid of me.  We haven't spoken a word, yet I was in a trance anytime I
saw him, or thought of him, and wished to be with him.

		During that summer, every night I would just think of
Mr. Kraver.  Thoughts of him would put me to sleep, and I was so sad, so
devastated that I was no longer a student of his.  And I kept thinking, did
those stares mean anything?  The way he would come over near me whenever I
started talking to a classmate, the way he stared at my legs when I wore
shorts that one day..the way he drew smiley faces on my test, the way he
looked at me straight in the eyes that one day, smiled, and thanked me for
helping my partner with math?  Did they mean anything?  Logically, I keep
saying no.  I'm being out of my mind and naive.  I'm being crazy.  But...I
feel like I love this man.

		Junior year came along, and I thought my thoughts of him
would subside.  They didn't, they still stayed just as strong.  Every now
and then, I'd see him walking somewhere, and I would just lift off my feet
and get stupid, and just admire such a beautiful man.  I need to get over
it, but I can't.  I absolutely cannot get over this man.

		I will now be entering senior year, and then I'm off to
college, where I will probably never see Mr. Kraver ever again.  And that's
devastating to me.  But I felt like he tried and wanted to get to know me,
but I didn't allow him to because I was scared.  I always hope that one day
we can speak again, but I know that day will never come..

		Questions, comments, concerns: write at
natejob18@yahoo.com.