Date: Thu, 13 Jun 2002 04:08:25 EDT
From: Writersrealmmm@aol.com
Subject: Billie Joe's Journal Chapter 16

Chapter 16
Billie Joe's Journal
Naked Soul

Sorry about that!

Computer crashes render a writer unable to communicate. Most of my work is
on a hard-drive in California where they're making every effort to recover
my work.

MY NEW EMAIL ADDRESS:
Writersrealmmm@aol.com

To my friend Larry, without whom I'd be out of business, there are no words
adequate to express my appreciation for your contribution in allowing me to
continue producing my stories.  Thank you my friend!

Billie Joe's Journal/My 15th Year was on disk and I should be able to
continue without further interruption.  Much of the rest of my work is in
California where people are trying to recover it all the damaged
hard-drive.

AND NOW ON WITH THE SHOW!

Chapter 16
The Naked Soul

	In chapter 15 we left Billie Joe learning a valuable lesson about
life and living on the streets. If you are in doubt return to Chapter 15 to
review, but Ty has just rescued Billie Joe from the hand of the horny
leather jock, dragging him down to the lower floors of the party hotel
where our hero is suddenly confronted with the dick from hell.

	I cringed and recoiled at his yelling.  My hand reached out to
touch What he ordered me to touch.  My hand looked like a toy wrapped
around his cock.  The skin felt soft and smooth and my fingers didn't
surround it and there was no enjoyment out of touching it because of the
thought of what it could do to me. I couldn't stop shaking.

	"That, little boy, would open you up so you'd never be any good to
no one but Tyrone.  If I use that on you, you are mine for life.  You'll
play hell getting a white boy to do you any good after I'm done with you."

	He slapped my hands off his half hard cock.  I shook while I cried,
still afraid of what he might do to me.  First the leather guy wanted me
and then thinking Ty was going to fuck me was about all I needed to finish
a pretty bad day.  I cringed on the mattress waiting for him to kick me
with his size fifteen shoes while he looked down on me with contempt.

	"I told you to get your ass out of here a while back, kid.  This
place will kill you just like it's killed us.  Get your fuckin' skinny
little ass out of my hotel before I decide I really want to fuck you after
all.  Don't you think I won't.  I'm having a moment's weakness right now
'cause I just can't bring myself to rip open that tender young ass of
yours.  That weakness might last another minute, two at the most.  So, if I
were you, I'd run like hell, kid.  When it gets really hard, I don't think
too good no more.  I just rip open white boy's asses and laugh."

	As he relaxed I bolted around his long legs. Buckling my stretched
out pants as I fell down the last five stairs, sliding on my chest,
clutching my bag to my shivering body but I didn't dare look back. I jumped
up trying to locate the hole while still on the move.  I almost lost my bag
climbing out.  I ran for the street and looked to the right where crowds of
people were walking up and down.  I straightened my clothes as I darted for
what I thought would be the safety of a crowd, only then checking behind me
to see if Ty was following me.

	I went to the diner and sat all alone in the back and drank one cup
of coffee after another.  I cried and I shook each time I thought about the
leather guy and Ty, and I knew I didn't like San Francisco very much.  I
thought about calling Earl or my parents.  I couldn't talk to anyone until
I calmed down.

	I saw Ty an hour later leaning on the wall with his back next to
the windows. The dinner was down four or five feet below street level and
he was looking down at me with a curious look on his face. I felt like a
fish in a fishbowl and I refused to look at him, but he leaned there
staring down at me and making me squirm.  He finally disappeared. While I
was frantically looking to see where he'd gone, he reappear in the aisle in
front of me and he was coming toward my table.

>From behind the counter the huge man in the white apron objected with his
eyes to the entry of the big black boy.  Ty pointed a big black finger at
him while glaring straight into his eyes.  Neither of them said a word but
the man went back to wiping his counter, no longer objecting.  Ty sat down
across from me while staring into my eyes.

	"Having fun in the big gay city, little boy?"

	"Yes, sir."

I didn't dare look at him.

He laughed big.

	"What you scared of white boy?"

	"Mostly you right now."

	"If I wanted to hurt you you'd be in the hospital right now.
Remember leather boy? I could have just as easily helped him rape you."

	"Yes, sir," I said, looking at my coffee.

	"You ready to ask for help?"

	"What?"

	"I know this guy.  He's cool.  Helps gay kids. Runaways.  He'll
give you a place for a night.  He'll feed you and let you shower.  He'll
give you one shot at getting off the street.  That's all you get.  Then
you're a lost cause like the rest of us.  He'll want you to go home so you
don't become one of his."

	"Why would he help me?"

	"Cause you need help.  You need to go home, kid.  You need to get
off these streets before they eat you up."

	"Why did you do that?"

	"What?  Save your ass and then scare shit out of you?  Great
attention getter ain't it?  My dick makes most guys shit themselves when
they think about me shoving it up their butts.  You only pee'd your pants."

	"I was scared."

	"I don't care about fucking white boys any more.  Harvey, Don,
Bryce, they were all fun to do but when you start dying, you start losing
interest in fucking.  I'm a nigger.  I know it. You know it.  No big
loss. You're a squeaky clean white boy.  Someone somewhere cares about you.
You ought to go back to them before Bubba gets hold of you, or before
you're dead like us."

	"Why do you talk that way about yourself?"

	"What way?  Lost cause?  Dying? 'Cause that's what I am maybe.  I
know what I am, white boy."

	"Nigger. It's not a nice word. Why do you call yourself that?"

	"Let's get real casual like here, kid.  That's all I am on the
streets.  In this society I'm just a nigger.  The fact I'm gay makes me a
no good nigger even to other niggers.  White people see me as a nigger
before they know anything else.  'Dinge.'  'Jungle Bunny.'  'Nigger.'
Whatever you want to call it. It's a fact in America.  Damn few people can
see past the color of our skin.  Damn few.  I been on the streets.  I know.
Even the other kids call me that."

	"I never saw that.  I mean I didn't think you being black was a no
secret. To tell the truth, I saw that ugly hair before anything else."

	"It's me kid.  My hair is ugly, I'm ugly!  Not to worry.  I know
what I am.  Get out of here before you find out who you are.  Go home.  Let
me think I saved someone's life.  Let me think what a nice guy I am."

	"You are a nice guy."

	"Me?  Shit!  I can afford to be nice.  Was a time I'd a fucked you
all night and then all day tomorrow for no other reason than I can and I
wanted to.  You're lucky kid.  You caught me after my prime when I liked
that sort of thing more an anything.  You caught me on the way down hill."

	"How old are you?  Really, I mean.  You ain't no nineteen," I said,
studying his face.

	He looked around like someone might be listening.  He looked across
the table at me and leaned on his long arms and put his face in mine like
there was some secret he was going to let me in on but no one else could
know.

	"Fifteen three months ago.  You tell anyone, I'll rip your balls
off.  Do you believe me?" He said before he sat down.

	"About ripping my balls off?  No.  About being fifteen?  You're
younger than me.  You look...."

	"Twenty.  The streets and AIDS'll do that.  When I first come out I
was skinny as you.  All the white guys loved me.  I guess you white boys
are deficient in the dick department, because they all slobbered and moaned
about my big black dick.  The first guy let me fuck him for two days until
his wife was due to come home. I was always ready to get blown back then,
but I fell in love with him because I never thought anyone could take me up
the ass.  I was twelve then. I had maybe ten, eleven inches. Almost an inch
for every year.  It's still growing.  Getting wider, anyway. It grew out
first."

	"You said it was fifteen," I reminded him.

	"Could you really tell. It's a round number. Got your attention
though. Once you get beyond ten, it's just another big dick. No one cares
how big."

	"Guys can take it up the butt?"

	"Sure! I don't see the guys that used to pick me up just for
that. All dead I guess.  I don't know how many I killed off personally on
account I didn't know I had it until this year. A guy I know took me to get
tested. He's got it."

	"How'd you get it, Ty?"

	"You ask a lot of questions, kid. I got raped about the time I was
turning thirteen.  I was dating pretty regular back then.  Two guys caught
me off guard and drug me in a van.  Nasty guys they were too. They tied me
up and took turns fucking me.  They were almost as horny for that as I was
but there was two of them.  I never done that until then.  I'd fucked my
share of asses but never took it up the butt before.  Two days worth. They
just drove around and tried to use me up.  Threw me out near the freeway by
the bridge near 101.  One wanted to kill me but the other said it would be
a shame to waste all that nigger dick.  The one offered to cut it off for
him as a souvenir but the guy that liked me cut me loose and tossed me out
before the other guy could stop the van.  Lucky me.  I ran my ass off.  Hid
for a day before going back out.  I shit myself, pissed myself, had the
shakes bad.  I was a mess and that's before I knowed they give it to me.  I
met Todd not too long afterwards.  He's the guy will help you.  He's
cool. It was already too late for me, but you might can make it back."

	"Why was it too late for you?"

	"Me?  Out there too long. Now, I've had the pneumonia once.  They
say after that it's a one way ticket down the tubes.  I feel okay though.
It hurts to breathe some mornings.  Hurts to blink others.  I get by."

	"You saved my ass didn't you? That guy could a give it to me."

	"If he got it.  You'd a done it for me if it was different.  You'd
a saved some little kid you saw some man trying to do that to him.  You
remember, you get in that position, you don't fair fight him.  Kick that
mother fucker hard as you can where it hurts the most.  You might not
finish him off, but I guarantee, he won't be wanting to get kicked no
more."

	"You're a kid.  You're fucking younger than me.  You saved my ass."

	"Shit.  You're dreaming.  I'm nineteen.  You're a little kid I
almost fucked once.  I'm the old man. You age fast on the
street. Chronology don't keep up with experience out here. Most of the kids
are way old from fighting to stay alive.  They know the rules and they know
how to stay alive most of the time."

	"I know the truth."

	"Nobody cares about truth, kid.  Forget it.  I'm dead. You still
got a chance to live. Don't blow it on this crap - that's figuratively
speaking. You do what you want but never swallow.  You think you want it
more than you want anything, but you don't.  Sex is overrated once you know
it's killed you."

	"I want to get a motel room is what I want.  Stay with me while I
think about what you said. Please! I don't know no one out here. I'm
scared."

	"You want me to stay with your lilly white ass? What will the
neighbors say?"

	"Fuck them.  You can shower and fix yourself up.  I'll get some
good food for us to eat.  I've got some money.  Please!"

	"I can score a motel room for a week down below the district for
fifty bucks and other considerations.  The guy always has a few rooms he
can't rent.  Tore up. Heaters broke.  Toilet's broke.  They're heaven
compared to the party hotel or the cardboard condos under the overpass.  He
rents to kids if we treat him right. I can do that part of it.  For two
most hotels would go fifty a pop. What do you say?  One glorious week in
heaven for fifty of those greenbacks you're bragging about."

	"He's gay is what you're telling me?  You're going to...."

	"Isn't everyone? I never asked him.  I'd guess by the way he sucks
cock, probably is."

	"I won't do that.  Ty.  Not for money.  Especially not for a hotel
room."

	"You're a real piece of work, kid.  You planning on making it on
the street in this town and keep your pants zipped?  Good luck.  Besides,
you don't got to do nothing.  You come up with fifty and I'll take care of
the rest.  That's an even split my boy.  A week for fifty is a steal."

	I was starting to trust Ty so I went into the bathroom and opened
the sock safe to withdrawal the fifty dollars.  I handed it to him as I sat
back down.

	"Son of a bitch!  You are the First National Fucking Bank, kid.
Now I can buy me some reefer, a couple of meals, and still have enough for
some smokes."

	"Motel room.  One week or nothing.  You put up the balance with all
that equipment you're packing.  My name ain't kid, kiddo, or little boy.
I'm Billie Joe and I can pay my way."  I looked him in the eye to tell him
exactly what was on my mind.

	"You drive a hard bargain, kid... Ah... Billie boy," he said,
looking at the money.  "I need a warm bed more than I need reefer anyway.
It fucks up my lungs too bad nowadays.  I try to smoke but I just cough and
puke.  A warm bed!  A shower every day for a week!  Sounds like heaven to
me.  I ought to save more white boy ass.  I might just do that.  No profit
in fucking them."

	He leaned forward and put his face in mine again.  "Don't think
this gets you off the hook, kid.  You're going to talk to Todd.  You're
going to go home.  I'm going to save your life one more time.  Don't deny
me that.  Don't let me die without thinking I done one good thing in my
miserable life."

	"I've got the feeling you've done a lot of good things in your
life.  You don't deserve to be out here, Ty.  You don't deserve to have
it. You're a kid."

	"Yeah!  Life's a bitch ain't it?  I guess if I pray, onate a lot a
dough, hold my mouth just right, the good lord he be a smilin' right down
on my big shinny black ass and then he be a curing this worthless nigger
so's he feels good about himself.  Dream on!  Real life ain't like that.
It's just like this. Besides, he's way busy planning plane crashes and wars
to help out children.  That old white goat.  If I was God I'd save all the
children.

	"Give me twenty, thirty minutes.  I don't think Barney will want it
tonight.  If he does I'll try to get off real quick.  Just sit here.  Don't
go out.  I have a feeling the leather boy's going to be a little pissed if
he wakes up.  He'd recognize you.  He wanted in your ass bad.  Just sit
back here, and I'll be back in half to an hour countin' walkin' time to and
back.  Don't move if it takes me longer, hear."

	He slid out and his big green jacket no longer made him look so
large.  His hair no longer looked so dirty or ugly.  He seemed like a nice
guy.  I was still scared shitless, and I needed to be around someone before
I was going to feel safe.  Ty made me feel safer for some reason.  He could
have hurt me bad but he didn't.  I didn't know him but I felt I could trust
him.  His heart seemed to be in the right place.

	Time went by while I shivered over more coffee.  It was over an
hour, and I thought I was out fifty dollars. Ty leaned his back against the
window and tapped on the glass with his index finger and then waved for me
to come out.

	"Shit, dude.  I jew'd him down to forty.  He had an old man wanted
something in a large in one of his rooms.  That guy gave me twenty and
wants me back tomorrow night.  Barney was just waiting for one of us to
drop by.  Doing him a favor is good business.  That's what took me so long.
We have a week plus the rest of tonight is on the house.  Bless his good
old fat horny heart."  He waved the key as he spoke to me.

	The motel room was the last one in the rear at the top.  The toilet
ran constantly and the rug was damp near the door but the beds were soft
and the sheets were clean.  The musty smell passed after a few minutes
while I sat watching the black and white television that was mostly snow
but better an what I had been watching.

	Ty sang in the shower.  He sang in the shower, and he kept on
singing in the shower.  He must have washed for an hour.  The shower went
off and I heard him playing with the toilet for several minutes.  He
jiggled and wiggled different parts but it continued to run.  Then I heard
him banging it and it sounded like he gave it a body slam.  It grew very
quiet after that.  He emerged victorious through the door, flexing his
muscles in triumph.  His towel was wrapped tightly around his very small
waist.

	His muscles shinned with the water still on his ebony skin.  He was
long and lean and very hard looking.  His hair hung down straight and wet
and shinny. He actually looked fifteen.  The change was incredible.  He
dried his hair a little at a time with delicate care, piling up towels
around him as he groomed himself.

	"That fucker'd give us two weeks if he got a look at me now," he
bragged, facing himself in the mirror. "I'm pretty."

	"Let me brush it out for you for you, Ty," I said, getting my brush
out of my bag before he agreed.

	When he didn't protest, I kneeled on the bed behind him and brushed
in long even strokes.  He watched in the mirror as I worked behind him.
His hair became softer and dried under my brushing.  It was black as coal
and the contrast with his skin was amazing.  He looked at our reflection as
I attended to him.  In payment for his rescue he had won my loyalty and
trust.  His face took on a serene and relaxed look after a time.  He seemed
to tire completely now that he was off the street.

	"I'm still a handsome nigger.  I don't look so old any more.
You're just trying to get me to change my hair style.  I know you white
boys is jealous of my hair."

	"Funny what a little water and soap will do for a guy," I said.

	"Yeah, it's a modern miracle all right.  I don't know about you but
I'm beat, kid.  Long days and hard nights take it out of me these days.
I'm not as young as I once was."

	"Quit calling me that.  I'm older than you are asshole.  You really
look young, Ty."

	"We are talking chronology versus experience.  I beat you all to
shit every time.  You'll learn."

	"You aren't dumb as you make out either.  You use big words.
You're pretty smart I bet."

	"(A) student until I got caught with my neighbor. That was dumb.
Then I was history in the making.  My stepfather couldn't wait to find a
way to get rid of me.  I went back a few months later, figuring they'd
forgive me.  They'd moved back East.  St. Louis or Louisville.  I don't
remember any more.  I went back on my thirteenth birthday thinking my mama
would want me back.  I was raped right afterwards."

	"How old was your neighbor?"

	"Marvin Kay?  Forty something I guess?  Fifty, maybe.  He taught me
about sex.  Neatest thing I'd learned up 'til then.  A nosey neighbor had
to know why I kept going into his place after school every day.  He had
some great porn.  He'd take out his teeth when he blew me.  Wow! Nothing
was as good as that."

	"That sucks," I said.

	"Marvin certainly did.  Man had a velvet mouth, Billie.  That's
when people could still handle me that way.  I'd sit in school near the end
of the day and couldn't wait to get up to his place.  My dick was always
hard in those days.  I'd stay up there until my parents were due home and
then I'd make an excuse to get out after dinner.  Those were the days."

	"Sounds like you miss it," I said.

	"I had it all.  I had a family.  Everything was good.  Then it went
to hell."

	"Bummer."

	"Nap time, dude. Need my beauty sleep.  I'm really wasted.  I can
tell you all about Marvin tomorrow.  He could get me off in a minute or in
an hour, depending on how much time I had.  He knew what to do all right."

	I laid there in the dark trying to organize in my head the events
of the past twenty-four hours.  I got up and took a piss when I couldn't
sleep.  When I slid back into bed I wrapped my arms around him.  I'd wanted
to do that since we got there.  He rolled over and hugged me right back.

	"I was afraid you wouldn't want me to touch you.  Thanks, Billie.
I still like being hugged and held more than anything."

	"Me too," I said, feeling safe at last.

Writersrealmmm@aol.com
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