Date: Tue, 28 Oct 2003 08:32:34 -0800 (PST)
From: Rick Beck <quillswritersrealm@yahoo.com>
Subject: BJJ/My15thYear -- Chapter 26

Billie Joe Journal/
My 15th Year

Chapter 26
Road Rules

Ty put his hand on my back and guided me to the kitchen.  He fixed soup and
a sandwich with lettuce, tomato and pickle.  It tasted glorious.  He told
me about finding Walter the last morning I saw him.  He said that's where
he would go each morning, to check on Walter.  He didn't like the kids
knowing he was helping a gay guy with AIDS.  He went back the next day
after Walter was out of danger, and Barney told him the cops raided the
room and took everyone to jail.  Ty didn't even look for me until Gene told
him I was on the street, because I was never arrested.

Ty got me a towel and a bar of soap.  He told me not to come out until all
the soap was gone.  It was a pretty big bar, but he told me he could smell
me through the cologne and the deodorant and it wasn't pretty.  I think it
was my clothes.  I stood in the shower for at least an hour.  I looked at
myself in the mirror when I was done.  I could no longer recognize my
face. The little boy I had been was gone forever.  I knew that.  There was
no way I'd ever be that boy again.  No way.

I looked at my skin and my eyes.  They seemed like they belonged to someone
else.  I looked at my skinny frame.  My ribs poked out.  My neck that was
once so fleshy seemed narrow and skinny.  My patch of hair around my
manhood seemed to be half what it once was.  The only thing impressive
about me was the way I hung over my hairless balls.  I seemed larger,
thicker, more sexual than ever before.

Just looking at myself got me aroused.  I jacked off without ever looking
out of the mirror.  I studied my wide vein heavy cock.  I examined the vein
on top. It seemed twice the size it once was.  I felt my incredible
hardness and stroked myself furiously, watching the head swell and the piss
hole open wide as I worked it up and down.

I watched as I lined the inside of the sink with my handiwork.  I watched
the streams of liquid pulse out of me.  I studied the hole and how it
ejected the white thick sperm against the cold hard porcelain sink.  The
strange thing was I wasn't really turned on.  I mean I got hard and I
jerked off but there was no intensity to it.  It was like I took a piss or
something.  It was a study in biological response.  Do thus and so and thus
and so happens to you.  See the cum shoot all over the fucking place. This
is a direct result of manual manipulation of the male penis.  This is what
happens when you pound your pud, jerk off, beat your meat. etc., etc.,
etc., but I hadn't been excited by it, only relieved.

I examined the thick liquid to be sure it was cum.  It was.  It was in as
great or greater a quantity as ever. My one real claim to fame, when it
came to all the big boys I seemed to end up with.  I could cum more than
anyone I'd seen so far.  I looked at my shiny black pubic hair and my
softness that hung lazily down onto my balls. I was five three or maybe
more by now.  I wasn't much to look at in my mind.

I looked at myself and felt really dirty again. I took another shower.  I
cried and knew the shower would never betray me, nor would I ever get clean
enough to forget what I had done, what I had become. Where Ty had found
me. What he had caught me doing. I had become one of them. I came out of
the bathroom with the towel wrapped around me.  I didn't dare put on my
clothes.  Ty watched me as he poured me something to drink over glorious
ice cubes.

"Want to rest for awhile?"

"Sleep?  I forgot what it was.  Yeah.  I feel like I might not ever wake
up. I've been sleeping with one eye open."

"Can I lie down with you?"

"No!" I snapped.  "No. I want to go to sleep."

"I won't bother you.  Have I ever?  You're still mad at me?"

"No, Ty.  I need to go to sleep, alone."

"I'll hold you.  Just hold you, Billie."

"No.  I don't want that. You shouldn't hold me. I don't deserve it."

Ty knew me, and he didn't understand why I no longer wanted him near
me. Only Ty no longer did know me or what I had done.  He had no idea who I
was. I no longer knew who I was.  I just knew I didn't want to be touched
any longer.  I didn't know why.  The loneliness was now intrinsic.  I knew
I'd never be rid of it.  Touching was the last thing I needed.  What I
needed was to sleep sound for awhile.

I slept all that night and well into the next day.  Ty brought me food some
time after the day was bright and at its peak.  I ate and went back to
sleep without wondering where Ty slept. There were only two beds in the
apartment, and I knew Walter's was too small to accommodate two people.  I
didn't even think it was possible for them to be sleeping together.  It
just wasn't the impression I had.  I would find out later that Ty slept on
the floor next to my bed.  He never asked to sleep in it with me.

Once again I slept around the clock and well into the next day.  Ty woke me
in the middle of the second day.  He said I had to eat something.  He
brought me coffee which was almost straight from heaven.  He said the beans
were fresh ground for me, and it was a Colombian Supreme he'd just brought
back from the market because he knew I loved my morning coffee.  After four
cups I no longer felt like sleeping.

We served Walter some soup and herb tea.  Ty was cooking a hearty beef
stock for his evening meal.  He showed me some steaks that he and I were
going to eat.  He told me Walter couldn't eat anything requiring too much
digestion.  He was still very weak.  His system couldn't handle solid food.

We listened to some old time music on the stereo.  I think it was the
Beatles and the Stones.  Walter was almost forty, and it was "his music."
After listening to it a while, I found some to be pretty good stuff.  I
took a liking to Penny Lane and Strawberry Fields, even though it said
forever, I doubted anything was.

Walter confessed those were two of his favorites and we listened to them
ten times that night.  He seemed really nice.  I suspected he wouldn't be
around for long.  Walt commented on how much better I looked cleaned up and
in Ty's sweat pants, even though they were hiked up above my calves to keep
them from dragging on the floor.  I didn't wear the top because it was just
too much material to haul around.  Walt said I had a nice body if I'd put
some meat on my bones.

They measured my height and I was over five foot five inches.  That was
strange because I was only five foot three just before school ended.  I
weighed a hundred and fifteen pounds which was five more pounds than I
weighed when I left home.  Walter said I was growing up and looked skinny
because all my energy was spent making me taller.  He thought that is why
my ribs were sticking out now.  I was in my final maturation or something
like that.

Walt seemed smart and very aware, but he looked like he was just holding
onto life.  Sometimes when he spoke I could hardly hear the end of his
sentence.  When he ate, Ty was constantly wiping his chin and the sweat
from his forehead.  Ty was such a caring soul.  I admired him and wondered
how he managed to be so kind to everyone.  Life had done nothing but give
him a raw deal, and he took care of everyone.  That sucked.

I knew he hadn't left me on purpose.  I understood there was something more
important for him to do. It somehow didn't take away my anger.  I still was
mad at him, at myself, at life . . . something.

We had popcorn and Ty brought the television into the living room.  Walt
liked music but he sat and watched a few movies with us.  Walter choked on
a piece of popcorn, and Ty sprang up and held him while trying to get it
out of his throat.  Walter seemed frail and said he didn't care, that the
popcorn was fantastic.  Best thing he'd tasted since being so sick.  He ate
a little more, but carefully, and then he fell asleep in the middle of
Godfather II. I could understand that, my eyes were crossing from reading
all the subtitles. Why didn't they just speak English? I'd heard De Niro do
it plenty.

When I excused myself and went to the bedroom, Ty stood in the doorway
watching me.  I didn't take off the sweat pants and slid under the
sheet. He turned out the light once I was in bed.

"If you want to lie down with me it's okay, Ty."

"You sure?" he said, out of the darkness.

"I just feel... I don't know what I feel Ty.  I don't know anything any
more."

"It's okay Billie.  I can sleep on the floor."

"You sleep on the floor?"

"You're in my bed.  You didn't want me in it.  I slept on the floor. You're
my guest."

"I'm sorry for what I said to you, Ty.  I really am sorry.  I don't know
why I said that.  I wanted to hurt you. I don't know why I had to hurt
you."

I cried.

"It's okay, Billie.  I knew you didn't mean it.  Besides, it doesn't bother
me anymore.  It's just a word is all."

"You're so good, Ty.  Why didn't you make me sleep on the floor?"

"Because I would rather you have the bed if only one of us can have it.  I
sleep fine on the floor.  I don't want to crowd you."

"Why didn't you look for me, Ty?  Why did you leave me alone."

"I did.  I told you.  Walter was dying.  I had to stay with him.  When I
went to get you, they said the cops got you.  I thought you was gone.  On
your way back to where you come from. I saw those posters. I knew they was
looking for you."

"You left me alone."

"I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to do that."

"I know.  You left me alone though."

Ty sat on the edge of the bed and put his hand on mine.  I kissed it and
held it to my chest and cried.  I was still scared and lonely.  I didn't
know what I wanted.  I was mad at Ty, but I knew he hadn't done anything to
me.  I was confused and didn't know what was wrong with me.

"Please.  Come to bed, Ty.  We can talk tomorrow."

I fell asleep in Ty's arms. He held me against his chest, and I was asleep
in no time.

It was the third full day I was at Walt's that Todd came by.  Ty brought
him into the living room where we were listening to The Supremes.  There
was something very stimulating about the music.  My feet were curled up
under me on the couch.  I was still wearing Ty's hiked up sweat pants.

"Billie, This is Todd. He works for social services.  He's my case
worker. He helps kids like us."

"You know they're looking for you?" Todd said.

"Yeah.  I know."

"I'd turn you in myself if I didn't know through a confidence where you
are.  You should be home, Billie Joe.  You should be home with your
people. Going to school. It's the only way you'll have a future. Any future
worth having."

"I can't right now.  You send me home and I'll just run again."

"I know that.  Why do you think you're still here.  When you want to go
home, when you're ready to go home, Ty will contact me.  Don't wait too
long.  Don't wait until it is too late."

"Walt.  You take care of yourself.  No one would bust you for keeping these
boys, but you know it isn't legal.  You know there are DA's that would eat
you alive and make a career for themselves out of you having young boys up
here with you."

"I know, Todd.  I know.  These boys have to make their own decisions
thought.  I make Billie Joe leave, I lose Ty and he's the only thing
between me and the grim reaper right now."

"Yeah, I'm aware, Walter. I appreciate you giving me the heads-up so I can
cover my ass if the question comes up.  I'll leave it alone because you're
my friend, but having them here can get you in a world of hurt I can't
protect you from should the courts get ahold of this."

"I think I'll go along with the boys for now, Todd.  If I can keep them off
the streets, well, you know where they are if you want them."

"Yeah!  Unfortunately I do.  It's my ass if any one else knows I know.  My
ass big time.  I don't know why I let you kids work me this way.  Don't
know why I don't just bust all of your asses."

"Because you know we're a hell of a lot safer here than we are in juvy," Ty
said.

"Yeah, that's a point.  Just don't wait too long, Billie Joe.  Don't let
too long become too late for you."

"I won't. I'm thinking on it. Really!"

We listened to music and Ty fixed us soup and salad for dinner.  Walt even
ate all of his salad.  The soup was onion and we had garlic bread.  It was
great.  I'd eaten better in the past few days than in months.  I started to
feel alive again.  I still spent much of my time in the shower.  I still
couldn't get myself clean enough.  It was like after you have an operation
and you aren't really completely awake, and you linger there in that world
of bright light and movement, but you aren't really connected to it.
That's how I felt.  I was there, but I really wasn't there.  It was nice
not to have to be looking over my shoulder or begging for food.

Ty asked me about the future that night, my future. I knew where he stood
and I could almost understand why, but I wasn't sure where I stood any
longer.

"You going home?"

"I don't know what I'm going to do."  I looked up at Ty from under my
eyebrows but staying away from looking into his eyes. "What are you going
to do?"

"Stay here with Walt.  He needs me.  I like Walt.  He treated me good, when
he was healthy.  He takes care of me better an my own people ever did.  I
take care of him now. I'm all he's got."

"Can't I stay with you?"

"The guy's got AIDS, Billie Joe.  He'll be dead in a few months.  I'll be
back on the street.  Besides, his check just about pays the bills.  You are
another mouth to feed.  I don't know how long we'll last."

"I can make money."

"Fuck you, Billie Joe!  Not while I'm around you can't.  I'll bust your ass
I ever catch you at it again."

"What do I do?  I might have it, Ty."

"Don't say that Billie Joe.  Don't ever tell me that."

"I did stuff Ty.  I did a lot of stuff."

"Shut up, Billie Joe.  I don't want to know that.  You go some place else
to die, Billie Joe.  I won't watch that.  I won't watch anyone else die."

"We're all, dying, remember?  You told me we're all dying."

"I didn't say 'we' meaning you.  I said 'we' meaning the kids and me.  We
were all dying.  You were fucking okay.  You could live.  You didn't have
to be like us.  You could go home."

"I didn't, and I am one of you, and I might have it."

"Go home.  Like Todd said, go home.  Finish school.  You can go home.  If
you get sick, deal with it.  Don't ever tell me.  Don't ever tell me I
failed.  I want to think I saved one person from the street.  That's all I
wanted with you.  I just wanted to keep you from getting it.  Don't ever
tell me, Billie Joe.  I don't want to know you got it."

We went to sleep but nothing was resolved.  I knew I could go home.  I
didn't know why I should.  I knew what was going to happen.  It would be
even worse now than it was before.  They'd watch me like a hawk.  Not that
I deserved any less, but I didn't want to face it.  I decided I would wait
as long as possible.  If I was dying, I'd never go home.  Then there would
be no need.  I could stay in the street until my time came.

Next morning was French toast and sausage.  Walt ate at the table with us
for the first time. His color was somewhat better and he ate without
assistance, slow though, and it didn't take much to fill him up.  He had
good days and bad days, and as days went, this was the best one I'd seen.
He spoke stronger and ate about twenty pills with breakfast. I never knew
you could take so many pills.

Ty squeezed fresh oranges to make juice.  The meal was fantastic.  Each day
everything seemed better than the day before.  There was no mention of the
big A.  I didn't know how much Walt knew about me, but he had enough
problems without worrying about me.  I didn't intend to mention the
possibility I might have it.  It just seemed best not to talk about it or
think about it, but with someone as sick as Walt around, it was difficult
not thinking about it.  Sometimes you don't plan things and they just
happen any way.

"I'd like some ice cream for tonight, Ty," Walt said.

"What flavor?"

"Peach.  I'd love to have some real peach ice cream."

"Butter fats would be good for you.  You must be feeling better."

"Some.  Leave Billie Joe here with me.  I feel pretty good but I don't want
to be alone if I don't have to be."

"Sure," Ty said.  "What else do you want?"

"More popcorn would be nice.  You could rent a good movie.  None of that
violent shit you like.  Rent us something nice.  A love story, maybe."

"Geez, Walt!  A love story?  Nobody watches that crap," Ty intervened.

"I do.  I bet Billie Joe does.  He looks like a lover."

"Right," I said, stirring the third spoonful of sugar into my second cup of
coffee.

"Better get some more sugar, Ty.  Billie Joe's storing the stuff in his
feet."

Ty and Walt laughed.  I stirred.  I took the dishes away from Ty so he
could go.  I wanted to keep busy.  I was suddenly leery of Walt.  Him
getting stronger wasn't necessarily a good thing in my mind.

Ty had been gone quite awhile when Walt asked for some water.  I filled the
glass with cubes and let the water run awhile before covering the cubes.  I
wiped the counter and the last dish before taking him the glass.

"Sit," he ordered.

I sat.

"What's up?" Walt asked.

"I don't know what you mean."

"Here you are."

"That's obvious.  You mean you wish I weren't?"

"What are your plans?  What are you going to do?  You can't hide out in San
Francisco until you are eighteen.  You can't hide out here.  You know Todd
is only loyal for so long.  Then he becomes a bureaucrat again.  He will
come to get you or send someone.  Then I got it all hanging out for keeping
you."

"He'll narc on me?"

"He'll narc on you, and that's bad enough.  But if he narcs on you, he also
narcs on me.  That could leave me a little short."

"You want me to leave?"

"I didn't say that.  I tell you to leave Ty's goes.  I'm not stupid.  He
cares an awful lot about you.  You know that?  I think he's in love with
you."

"I think we care about each other."

"Yes.  You both care about each other, but Ty will hang his ass out there
for you.  What will you do for him?  How far will you hang it out there for
Ty?"

"Stay with him if he asks."

"He asks.  What will you do then?"

"Hang out."

"Until you're eighteen?"

"Maybe.  Or dead."

"Look, kid.  I'm going to lay it out here for you.  Ty keeps me alive.  If
it weren't for him, I'd already be dead.  My family disowned me when they
found out I was gay.  You know that story.  When I was dying, Ty was the
one that saved my life.  That's why he is here."

He seemed to look inward for a few silent minutes.  "We dated...." Walt
paused a long moment, recalling better times.  "I used to buy Ty.  He used
to hustle me, you know.  I liked him and thought that was the only way to
have his company.  That was a couple of years ago.  Now I found out he
truly likes me.  Cause I never treated him like meat.  I took him to eat
and brought him up here to clean up and stuff.  Now, I can't live without
him. I've signed over my insurance policy to him.  A few hundred thousand.
It won't do a lot for him, but it will keep him alive awhile longer.  He'll
live maybe a few years.  The apartment will be his. I tell you to leave,
and he'll go with you.  Of course he doesn't know about the insurance or
the apartment.  I don't want him helping me because he owes me. I want him
to help me because he wants to help me.  When he wants to go, I want him to
go.  You understand?"

"Sure."

"So, here we are.  I got a runaway the cops are looking for and a throw
away that the cops will take if they come up here.  I doubt they'll bother
me.  They don't want an AIDS patient down in the lockup.  I just think
you'd be wise cutting Ty some slack here.  If you care about him let him
have a life.  Don't drag him back to the gutter with you.  I know you can.
If it's important for you to do that, I'm telling you he'll go.  Ty thinks
he loves you.  I think he loves you.  He just doesn't need you right now.
It's not in his best interest and I'm being up front with you."

He paused, and drew a long breath.

"That's it.  Everything I had to say. Don't get me wrong, Billie Joe,
you're a nice kid.  You should go home because that is where you belong.
This is Ty's home now.  Don't take him away from it.  I'm asking you to
leave but only if you go home.  I want to know you're safe.  I want Ty to
know you're safe.  He'll look for you if you just go off.  That's not an
option.  I'd rather have you stay here than go back to the street but it's
going to come to the door one day, and then we'll all be shit out of luck."

I was surprised.  Walt was very honest about his feelings.  He went to a
closet and dragged out a green box with a lock on it.  He unlocked it and
flipped the lid back.  He set down some official looking documents in front
of me.

"I had these done while Ty was out one day.  My friend is an attorney. This
tells the insurance company Ty is my only beneficiary.  This one shows Ty
as the co-owner of the apartment.  There is a little money in the bank
accounts but it will mostly be gone by the time I'm dead. AIDS is an
expensive disease to have. That will leave the insurance policy to take
care of Ty.  Maybe when you are eighteen you can come back and live with
him here.  I would like to know Ty had someone with him at the end.  I
don't want to think he stayed with me until I died and then he died alone.
I don't want to think about that."

"Maybe he won't die.  Maybe they'll find a cure."

"Wishing and hoping is nice, Billie Joe.  Reality says we are both going to
die sooner than we'd like, but I'm starting to look forward to it.  At
least I had some kind of a life.  I had twenty good years out in the world.
I loved and was loved.  Maybe longevity wasn't one of the big things for
me, but I had my share of love.  I hope Ty can find that at least once.
He's so young.  He'll miss out on so much."  Slowly, he replaced the
documents in the green box and locked it.  "Well, I can't dwell on that.  I
want you to know that Ty will be taken care of financially, but I can't do
anything about the other stuff.  He was the only one that cared and I want
him to know I cared about him.  This is between you and me, of course."  He
sat back and looked straight at my eyes. "I know you'll make the right
decision."

"You are putting me in a corner."

"Yes.  I guess I am.  I'm making you make the decision.  It's the only
decision that gives everyone exactly what they need."

"You mean my going home.  Ty staying here with you."

"You going home.  Ty staying here with me.  Exactly.  It's not the easy
thing for you to do but it's the right thing."

"You were handsome?"

"No.  Cute maybe, when I was younger.  I was never a prize.  I did
okay. Sometimes it is best not to be too handsome.  You never know if some
one wants to be with you or to be seen with you.  I never had that
problem."

"What did you do?"

"I was an insurance account executive."

"Wow!  Sounds pretty important."

"I sold insurance.  From a fancy office though.  No door-to-door shit."

"You make a lot of money?"

"Not so much I couldn't spend it all between paydays."

"I don't know what I want to do."

"Go back to school and you'll have a better shot at figuring it out."

"How'd you get it?  AIDS."

"I think it was about four years ago . I'd been with a guy for seven
years. We broke up.  I didn't like the bars or clubs.  I liked the baths.
It was around the time they closed them, but they didn't close them soon
enough.  I got into drugs and alcohol.  Feeling lonely and alone, I
couldn't stand it. I went to the baths and had sex with four or five guys
at the same time.  I mean sucking, fucking, the whole nine yard orgy."

I thought of my time in the hotel with sex in every hand and orifice.  Walt
continued.  "It only lasted a few weeks, maybe a month, then I stopped
feeling so worthless.  All these guys wanting me made me feel better about
myself.  Of course, it also killed me.  It was an expensive way to get over
being alone."

"So you got it by doing it with a lot of guys?"  I leaned my chin on the
backs of my hands on the table, looking up at Walt as he remembered his
past.  I remembered the nights I did things with people I hardly knew.

"You can get it by doing it with just one person if that person has it."

"I mean it is more likely if you did this for, say, just four or five days,
or less likely than the way you did it."

"What do you mean?" Walt asked.

"Say a guy got drugged up and spent a few days fucking and sucking
everybody in sight.  Would he be more likely to get it that way, or the way
you did it with the bath thing?"

"You don't understand Billie Joe.  You get it by doing it with someone
that's got it.  You can do it with a hundred guys a night and won't get it
if they don't have it.  You do it with one guy and he's got it, you can get
it.  It doesn't pass every time.  Some guys don't get it as easy as
others."

"Oh!"

"Ty said you were clean.  You hadn't done anything to get it.  Have you,
Billie Joe?  Are you telling my you're that guy doing it with everyone in
sight?"

"I think so.  I think I might have it."

Walt got up and came around the table hugging me weakly to his side.  I
could feel him sob a couple of times as he held my face against his
shirt. "I'm sorry, Billie Joe.  I didn't know.  Ty said....  I didn't think
you would go that far down in such a short time.  I mean I didn't really
think at all.  You've got to be tested.  Not now. It's too soon.  Six
months.  You've got to be tested in six months.  If you want to stay with
us, that's okay.  I won't force you out.  Not now.  I won't do that.  We'll
just take the chance together.  One of us goes down, we'll all go down
together.  I know that's the way Ty would want it.  We'll have to talk to
him.  Does he know anything."

"He won't even listen to me.  He keeps telling me to shut up.  I tried to
tell him about it."

"He loves you, Billie Joe.  He wanted to get you out of here safe.  I guess
maybe he can't do that now.  I'm sorry, Billie Joe."

"I guess I was pretty dumb."

"It only takes one stupid night.  You're so young, Billie Joe.  You still
need to go home.  You need to be somewhere where you can get treatment.  If
we try to get you treated here, they'll just take you into custody.  You're
too young to get treatment without your parents.  You still need to go
home."

"I don't know if I can, Walt.  I might be better off on the streets.  My
parents'll kill me."

He walked back around and sat down in his chair. He wiped tears from his
eyes.

"I don't know how to go home.  I don't want to just go to the cops," I
said.

"Maybe you could give me the phone number.  I'll see what I can do.  I'll
tell them I can contact you.  I'll tell them that you're a friend of a
friend, and I'll try to talk you into talking with them."

"There's a reward."

"A reward?  You're parents want you back pretty bad."

"I guess.  They never seemed to care much when I was there.  I never did
much right."

"It gets better, Billie Joe.  You're only what, fifteen, Ty said?"

"Yeah!  I'll be sixteen August twenty second."

Walt started laughing and shaking his head, "August twenty second was the
night you came.  Today is August twenty sixth."

"Guess I missed it.  Does that mean I'm fifteen another year?"

"I don't think it works that way.  We'll have to send Ty out for some
cake. Sixteen is a big deal you know.  You can get a driver's license now."

"You got to be kidding.  I'll be lucky to get out of my room by
seventeen. I'll be on restriction from now until I'm forty if I go home."

"You give me your home phone number.  I'll try to make peace for you.  I'll
talk to Todd.  He'll see to it they don't get abusive.  He's pretty well
respected around town.  He looks after the homeless kids.  Especially the
gay ones.  He lost one when he first started.  He never got over that.
Always thought it was his fault.  Now there isn't anything he won't do to
help a gay kid."

"He gay?"

"No.  I don't think so.  I don't know.  Never asked him.  Subject never
came up."

Ty came back a few minutes later, shortly after Walt put the box away in
the top of the closet.  He brought a half gallon of peach and a half gallon
of rocky road because he knew that was my favorite.

"You've got to go back out, Ty."

"What?  What did you forget to tell me?"

"Birthday cake.  Our boy here was sixteen four days ago."

"The night I brung him home?"

"Yep."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't know what day it was.  Wasn't sure what month it was. Never
thought about it."

"He's going with me.  I'm not walking back down there alone."

"Yeah.  I'm okay.  You boys go ahead.  Here's a few extra dollars.  Stop at
the bakery and get something real nice.  That's a lot closer.  Better bring
some milk back.  I want some whole milk with my birthday cake.  How about
you, Billie Joe?  That sound good to you?  We'll have a party."

"Milk sounds great.  Party sounds good."

We went back down the stairs and headed for the bakery a few blocks away.

My cake was chocolate on chocolate with chocolate flowers decorating the
top.  Walt had just enough candles to get to sixteen.  I watched him place
them one-by-one on the cake after we finished dinner.  Each was one
year. They didn't look like much.  There seemed to be far too few of them
for the way I felt.

I remembered the day I turned fifteen, the beginning of my sixteenth year.
I remembered Ralphie standing across from me with the beaming smile he
always wore.  He had been my best friend forever.  I remembered my father
lighting the candles and stepping into the background.  There were a few
family friends that had come for dinner and to drop off presents.  It
wasn't a party.  Just people.

My world was so much smaller then and Ralph was still alive.  I remembered
myself being such a little boy just a year previous.  Not that I was so
much bigger or so much wiser now, but there seemed to be no relationship
from the then me to the present me.  I felt like I had seen too much and
gone too far from that little boy to ever find him again.

I didn't know if I'd live to see the end of my seventeenth year.  I was
sure Walt would not be alive if I did.  It came to me that Ty might not be
alive either just as Ralph was alive when I hit fifteen and he had killed
himself before I reached sixteen. A year ago I had thought Ralphie would
always be alive.  The value of life had changed as I had changed.  What was
important to me only a year ago was not important to me now.

There were no presents and yet there was a gift I couldn't touch or see. I
completed the ceremony of blowing out the candles after Ty lit them with a
torch of a lighter he brought out of his pocket.  They could tell I had no
enthusiasm for anything more. We ate cake and ice cream in smiling silence.

I had a second piece of cake, still thinking I might not eat tomorrow, more
ice cream followed.  For days now I had felt like I couldn't get enough to
eat.  I worried I'd weigh a ton by the time I was seventeen.  I made no
effort to curb my eating habits.  Maybe I would go hungry tomorrow.  I ate
everything I could get my hands on, and even after I was full, I ate.

"Ty, Billie Joe has given me his home phone number.  Tomorrow I'll call and
see if I can open the door to getting him back home."

"Good!  Maybe I should talk to Todd."

"Yes!  I think we better let Todd know what we are doing.  That way he
won't get into any hot water if Billie Joe's family is looking for someone
to blame."

"I'm to blame.  They're to blame.  Don't worry. I'll straighten that out,"
I said.

"Some people don't want things straightening out.  We need to cover our ass
here," Walt said.  "We need to make sure Todd is clear."

We listened to more sixties music and I sat with my legs tucked under me on
the corner of the couch.  I wondered what that first meeting would be
like. I didn't look forward to hours of traveling and knowing all the time
I had to face my parents once I was home.

What was I going to say?  How was I going to explain where I'd been and
what I had done?  How much did they already know?  How much could I leave
out?

Bad things always come right away.  I'd have to wait for Carl for almost
forever before he came home.

The next morning Walt sat in his easy chair with the phone on his lap and
my parents phone number in his hand.  I sat on one side of the couch, Ty
sat on the other side.  My feet were tucked up under me and my mind was
rushing inside my head.  There was only a cold fear that laid in the pit of
my stomach.  My brain wasn't able to settle on anything but the phone and
where I knew it led.  In this case it led directly to dread.

The phone must have rung ten times on the other end.

"Hello, I'm Walter Amos Rhodes.  No, you don't know me.  No, sir.  If
you'll give me a second I'll explain.  I'm calling you from San
Francisco. Yes, I do.  Yes, I have.  He's okay.  That's why I'm calling
you, Mr. Walker."

"Mr. Walker. . . .  Mr. Walker!  If you'll listen I'll explain to you why
I'm calling. . . .  Mr. Walker?"

Walt held the receiver of the phone, with its sound of angry bees, down to
his chest.  He looked at my face.  He tried to smile, but it didn't
take. He put the receiver back to his ear.

"Yes.  I'm still here.  If you'll give me a chance.  Yes, I know you can
have me arrested. Yes, sir, I know you know people in San Francisco.  One
of them is your son, Mr. Walker, and if you'll listen to me for a minute
maybe we can get Billie Joe home where he belongs. Thank you."

"No, I can't let you talk to him right now.  I know someone that knows
him. A friend of mine is quite close with people Billie Joe knows.  Yes,
I've seen him.  He gave me your phone number in fact.  He's afraid to call
you himself. Mr. Walker you'll have to ask yourself why he is afraid to
talk to you.  I'm merely in the middle of this thing.  I'd like to get him
home and off the streets. That's my only interest here."

"Yes, I know there is a reward.  No, I don't expect to collect it.  That
would go to Ty Pruett.  He'll set up the final details.  He's the one who
knows Billie Joe best."

"I just know he's willing to return home if you aren't going to make it too
tough on him.  That's why I'm calling you."

"No, I won't give you my number.  You'd have the police up here in half an
hour."  He listened to more of the angry buzz.  "Your phone may have been
tapped two months ago, but I doubt there is still a tap on after this
length of time.  The police have better things to do.  All I want to do is
get him home to you Mr. Walker."

"I'll tell you what.  I will call you tomorrow at this time.  Todd Dorsey
is a social worker in San Francisco.  He knows about Billie Joe.  He also
knows Ty very well.  I think between the two of them we can get him to come
in.  We can get him home to you.  You wait for my call at this time
tomorrow.  I'll see what we can set up.  You can trust Todd.  He gets kids
home to where they belong all the time.  It's his job." He listened again
for a moment, and then said, "You have a nice day too, sir.  Yes, very nice
talking to you."

Walt hung the phone up.  He looked at me squirming on the couch.

"Quite an old man you got there."

"Ain't that the truth!  He was pretty mad?"

"I guess.  I don't really know.  He tried to do all the talking.  Wanted to
tell me all he could do."

"That's my dad.  He's always in control."

"We'll get Todd on it tomorrow.  He won't be overpowered.  I don't have the
time to argue."


				   *****

quillswritersrealm@yahoo.com

website:
www.writersrealm.net

My Book:
Antiques & Homicide/Homocide
By: Rick Beck
Available at Amazon.com under the above title