Date: Sat, 2 Oct 1999 16:58:26 -0400
From: "C. E. Jordan" <c.e._Jordan@MailAndNews.com>
Subject: NOEL (Complete Version)

For all those who asked, here finally, is the complete story of NOEL told
in letters.

......responses to stories are always welcomed ;-)

			      LETTER 1: NOEL

Dear Hans,

	I can't believe I haven't written you a proper letter since last month.
I've guess I just been too busy to write these days.

	Well, I still have lots more work to do, of course, but now I can take
a breather, but just for a moment. We shouldn't ever abandon
our friendships. We rely on each other's emotional support since not many
folks in the big old world out there is gonna support us.

	 I know I always give you too many English words to read Hans, but
since we always talk about the stuff of our everyday life, I have to tell
you about something intresting that's happening in mine right now. As
you know, it's always easier for me to write about these personal
experinces in the form of a story. It makes me feel less self-conscious I
guess. This way I can also communicate what I feel more vividly.

......Oh yes, yes, I know that someday I'll have to complete all those
half-finished stories I've already sent you.  :-)

                            	********

	There aren't many kids in my building, just a few older teenage girls
and boys--no interesting young boys. But last Saturday I was fixing the
door of my mailbox in the lobby of my apartment building when I noticed
an unfamiliar kid, about twelve, observing me. As I fiddled with the mailbox
door the boy wandered over and struck up a conversation:

	 "What you doin'? You broke your mailbox?"

	"Yep" I said.

	"Oh..." he said.

	"You live in this building? He asked.

	"Well, if I don't live here I'm in big trouble for messing
around with somebody else's mail box." I laughed.

	The boy looked vaguely embarrased for asking a stupid question.

	"Oh...I meant to ask what floor you live on..."

	I smiled at him because I noticed how cute he was. "I live on the
fourth floor."

	"Oh yeah?" he looked surprised, "I live on the fourth floor too!"

	"How come I never saw you before?" I asked

	"I just moved in with my Granma...I'm livin' here now."

	"Oh." I said.

	Silence.

	 "You wanna buy some candy?" He asked, "It's to rase money for a
class trip." And he gave me a catalogue with all kinds of chocolates and
candy to choose from. I'm not big on sweet stuff, but I picked out
something that was mainly fruit, and signed his book with my name and
apartment number.

	"Thanks.....Charles" he said glancing at my signiture, "I'll bring the
candy as soon as I get 'em from school, ok?"

	"Ok," I said as he rushed to catch the lobby elevator. As the doors
closed he waved, "Bye Charles..."

	"Bye...uh...uh..." and I realized I didn't ask his name, a bad habit with
me. Oh well I thought. I'm bound to see him again. I got my letters and
waited for the elevator to come back down.

	About two hours later there was a knock on the door. I opened it and
there was my new friend with his candy catalogue clutched in his hand.
Obviously he'd been selling candy to all his neighbors and he looked very
surprised and confused when I showed up at the door, "Oh...Charles! it's
you...I...ah...um...is this where you live?

	"Yep", I said smiling at his little confusion. He peeked around me into
the apartment which is messy at the moment and full of boxes and things
from my mothers apartment. My mother died a while ago and I still have
to go through all her stuff. The boy's curiousity was obvious. So, I said,
"Wanna come in?" He hesitated for a second, then said, "Yeah."

	He came in and looked around with his mouth open at the
paintings that were bigger than he was. Boys love mess. And apparently
this boy loved my mess since he immediately proceeded to climb up onto
the boxes that are piled up in my living room as if he were scaling a
mountain. "What's in 'em?

	"A bunch of stuff..." I said.

	But I was thinking 'there's a boy in my apartment...a really nice,
friendly boy. Maybe I'd better get him outta here', instead I asked, "You
want some ice cream? It's Haagen Dazs...Rum Raisin...ah...what's your
name?

	"Yes thanks...Noel," He said, answering both questions in one breath.

	"Well, Noel..." I joked, "I hope you don't get too drunk from all the rum
in this ice cream...." He giggled at that idea and started staggering around
the apartment bouncing off of my furniture and my boxes. Oh yes, I
thought, 'A real boy.'

	He pretended to collapse and sprawled across my soft brown
leather sofa. His blue-jeaned legs hung half off the sofa and his oversized
white sweater was pushed up his chest leaving his torso bare. Playfully, I
pressed the bottom of the glass containing the ice cream right onto his
belly button. The shock of the sudden cold caused his stomach muscles to
tighten and his body to curl up.

	 "Oooooh...that's cold!" he yelled, "Whatcha do *that* for?" But
when he sat up and took the ice cream from me, he pulled up his t-shirt
himself and again pressed the glass across his belly leaving a wet mark on
his smooth skin. "Mmmmm...that feels really gooood!" he said, and then,
suddenly, he reached out and grabbed my own loose t-shirt, pulled it up a
bit and pressed his frosty ice cream glass against *my* skin. I leaped
back disconcerted by the cold--and by how quickly we were becoming
friends.

	"Gotcha!" Noel grinned like a little maniac. He giggled to himself and
began to eat his ice cream.

	When he was finished I thought he would leave and continue trying to
sell his candy door to door in our apartment building, but he didn't seem in
a hurry to go anywhere. I asked him, "Aren't you supposed to be out
selling candy?"

	"Oh...I can do it tommorow," he replied casually,  and spread
himself comfortably next to me on my sofa to watch the afternoon superhero
cartoons on TV.

	Noel didn't behave like the stranger he actually was; it's as if I'd always
known him. But I examined him out the corner of my eyes. He has long,
wavy dark brown hair, almost to his shoulders and hazel eyes.  Although
my own hair falls past my shoulders, long hair is rare for boys in this
neigborhood. And though the grandparents he's living with are black,
judging from the very light color of his skin, I would guess that at least
one of his parents is not.

	Noel got bored with the cartoons and started exploring my
apartment again. He once more climbed up the pyramid of boxes in my
messy living room and began jumping from them onto the padded carpet.
He obviously thought this was supreme fun. I warned him he was gonna
break his neck.

	"Then catch me."

	"Huh?"

	"I'll jump off the top and you can catch me...so I wouldn't break my neck."

	*Hmmm...I thought, a nice game where I'll actually get to touch him*

	He climbed nearly to the top of the stack and stretched upward to
press his palms flat against the white ceiling. "This is sooo cool" he
murmered to himself. Then addressing me he asked, "Are you ready?" I
wasn't sure I could catch him because even though he's a slender twelve
year old kid, I'm not too big myself, only around one hundred and forty
three pounds, but I figure I could at least break his fall.

	But Noel didn't hesitate, he immediately leaped off the boxes. I
staggered back under his weight but didn't fall. I was thinking 'there's a
nice boy in my arms...and I didn't ever want to let go', but he squirmed
away and breathlessly repeated his leap two more times. The third time
he jumped into my arms I grabbed him but lost my balance and fell
backward with him on top of me. We lay there winded for a second. I didn't
move because I was honestly enjoying the pressure of his body on mine. I was
still clutching him to me when I realized he was gazing into my face. He
looked slightly puzzled. I'm not sure if he was puzzled
about why I was holding him so tightly, or if he was puzzled by whatever
he was feeling. But I relaxed my grip on him. He didn't leap up as I thought
he might. But pushing himself up with both hands against my chest, he
slowly shifted to a sitting position straddling my body as I remained on the
floor. I couldn't help thinking of a certain other boy I once knew.

	A different expression was on his face now. Thoughtfulness. He was
still gazing at me so I resisted the temptation to glance further down his
body to see if there was some evidence of our intimate contact. But I'm
sure that I gave him more than enough evidence about what I was feeling
at that moment.

	He stood and silently disappeared into my bedroom without asking
permission. I didn't follow him or say anything. I just lay there.

                        		*****

	He emerged a little while later holding a model train in each hand. A
yellow 'HO model' railway engine was in his left hand and a grey cab was in
his right. My stomach tightened for a moment. The trains were part of a
set that I'd bought years before for a very special young friend. We'd built
an entire electric railroad set together on the weekends when he'd visit.

	I had kept a few trains--the ones Noel now held in his hands--on a long
narrow shelf which my friend and I had built on the wall of my bedroom.
Sometimes we would turn off all the lights, and when we were lying bare
in bed together we'd make the little trains zip back and forth across the
long wall until their tiny windows became thin streams of red and yellow
light streaking through our intimate darkness.

	Now, here after all this time was another boy standing there looking
at me and at the trains with longing eyes and saying nothing.

	"Um...you like model trains Noel?"

What did I expect him to say? 'No'?

	"Yeah, I sure do..."

	Perhaps I should have allowed him to borrow them, to take them
home; instead I said, "Well, you can play with 'em anytime you come over."

	Was I enticing him to come back just so I could see him again? Maybe. But
I think I was also unconsciously trying to be faithful to the memory of
that other boy--but perhaps it is finally time to let go.

	At last Noel said his grandparents were probably looking for him, and
that he had to get home in time for dinner. So, flashing me a most beguiling
smile, he left, I think with some reluctance.

	That night with the memory of his smiles, and of his neat body in my
arms I promised myself not to get involved. I repeated over and
over that I must not, must not, must not be more than an ordinary friend
to this boy who seems to like me as much as I like him.

	But, of course this was only one visit, so we'll have to see how things
turn out.

																						****

	The floor I live on is in the shape of a U with my apartment at the
very end of the horse-shoe shape. It turns out Noel in now living around
the bend at the other end of the horse-shoe. He only moved in here
toward the end of this summer. I guess I was too busy to notice the new
kid. His grandparents are a couple of the very few folks in the building
whom I say more than two words to. They're always friendly but look
'churchy' and strict. I've seen them for years but don't really 'know'
'em--which may be a problem. It's scary to have such a super-friendly,
very physical kid just around the bend, as there is a possibility that he can
also drive me "around the bend", so to speak ;-))

	I know it's quite possible that such open friendliness may
simply be part of his personality, but I suspect he likes me. I can feel it.
He's got to bring over the candy I ordered when he receives it from his
school, so I know he's gonna come back, well, at least once. He was also
curious about my computer. He uses a Mac at school, but doesn't have a
machine at home. Then again, I should probably play the typical
stand-offish adult and keep him at arms length. But after our first
encounter, I think it might be too late for that (sigh). It's been sooo long
since I had a young friend running around my apartment. I'm not thinking
sex. It would be nice just to have some crazy little person like this to
make me feel alive again--to make my heart race a litte bit.

	Well, Hans, I'll let you know what happens next time. Ok?
Geeze, this was probably more than enough stuff for you to read ;-)

	Hope your mom, Patrick, and everyone else is well. 'Kay, hope to hear
from you soon,

Your friend always, Charles
*************************************************************

			      LETTER 2: NOEL


Dear Hans,

	In your last letter you asked if I'd seen Noel since I've been back, well,
sort of. Occasionally, as I entered or left the building, he'd be at his
window and wave to me. Then one day we ran into each other on the
street when I was walking to the subway. He was on his way home
from school--the same neighborhood school where I used to teach.
He looked excited to see me. And seeing him close up once again
reminded me of how friendly this boy was, and how awfully easy he
was to like.

	Instead of continuing on his way home, Noel turned back
to walk with me for a block or so. He accompanied me at the entrance
to the subway station not too far from where we live. I was much more
nervous about being with him than he was with me. Hans, his open smile
and steady unselfconscious gaze just warms me inside. Nobody paid
much attention to us. He's such a loving child, I thought that he must
also have very loving parents somewhere. But we'd never really had
time to talk about them.  So I asked.

	"I'm suppose to stay here with my grandparents until my mom comes
back from seeing my other grandparents. They're real sick back
home in Columbia..."

	"You're from Columbia...South America?"

	"My mom is, yeah."

	I studied him from the corner of my eyes for a minute, "You look
kinda different since I last saw you."

	"Different? Oh...My grandpa made me cut my hair." He answered.

	"Ahh..." I said.

	His brownish hair seen out in the sunlight for the first time, had
deep reddish tints. He said he wanted it to grow as long as mine
(which is slowly creeping toward my waist) but the grandparents
wouldn't allow that.

	"I wish my mom would come back...she don't care how long my
hair is."

	His grandparents are strict as I'd guessed, and they're very
careful about him leaving their apartment and about where he is at
all times. That's the reason he hadn't been back to my apartment
since that first time he said.

 I said to him, "Umm... Noel, you know it's almost Halloween and I
still didn't get the candy I bought from you, um...maybe you can
come over early when you get it and stay awhile...maybe eat more
Haagen Dazs ice cream?"

	His face lit  up, "Oh yeah!!...the candy....yeah...ice cream...ok....
sure, THEN I can come over...yeah..."

	My stupid  heart skipped a beat, beause it seemed he didn't just
*want* to come see me, it seemed he was DYING for an excuse to
come see me. Or perhaps he just wants to come eat my ice cream
and play with my train set...(sigh).

	Anyway, we said our goodbyes and Noel turned to go. But just as
I began to walk away he ran back and grabbed my arm from
behind startling me, "Ah... Charles? What's your number?"

	Like a dummy I repeated, "Number...?"

	"Yeah...your phone number...so I can call you...um... when I get the
candy...so I know you are home...." And he began to look a bit
embarrassed. I think he simply wanted to have my phone number.
So, Hans, perhaps this may not all be about toys and ice cream. I
gave him the number and went into the train station. Now I'm
getting anxiety attacks waiting for the phone to ring, waiting to
hear Noel's gentle voice saying my name, but nothing so far... not yet.

	Those pix you sent were terrific, where you live is so beautiful
wish I could visit. Maybe I will one of these days ;-)

	Anyway, talk to you soon Hans...
Your friend, Charles

***********************************************************

			      LETTER 3: NOEL

	Noel never called, but he finally came by yesterday. I hadn't
seen him for quite awhile. When the doorbell rang, and I opened
the door, there he was with a big smile to melt the heart. He
apologized that it took so long to bring me my box of disgustingly
sweet Halloween peanut-and-chocolate-covered carmel candy.
There was way too much sugary carmel and not enough chocolate or
peanuts for my taste. Ugh!

	Noel told me the reason I hadn't see him for such a
long time.  He fell and twisted his ankle on a bycicle ride through the park,
so he'd been confined home for a good while.

	Anyway, standing there at my open door he peered around my body just like
he did the first time.

	"Why don't you come on in?"

	"Okay", he replied, "but I can't stay too long this time, my grandma says
I gotta get home soon."

	The 'this time' made me hopeful that there may just be another time.

	Once inside he murmured, sort of to himself, "..cooool.........".
My place is still messy as I'm still working through my late mom's
stuff--along with my own accumulated old mags and things. I think boys
like things messy, because he immediately made a game of running then
jumping onto the papers and old mags littering my carpet to do a
kind of slide and glide across the long space of my living room.

	"You're gonna hurt your ankle again..." I warned him. But he paid
no attention to me. For several minutes I watched as he slid in one
direction, then slid back the other way. Inevitably, on a last slide
towards me, his feet came off the slippery magazines and was
snagged by the nappy surface of the carpet. As I stood there, he
pitched headfirst into my waiting arms.

	It was as if I'd planned it. Here was Noel again in my arms! He didn't
make any particular move to quickly extricate himself from
me, but stayed there breathing heavily. I could feel his heart beating
against my chest like the wings of a captured bird . I was concerned.

	"Are you ok Noel?" A brief silence, then, "....yeah, I think so..."

	I half lifted, half dragged him with me onto the nearby couch.
He still didn't make a move to seperate himself from me. Now he
was cuddled sideways in my lap. His right arm was around my neck,
holding on like a baby, and my left arm went around his back to cradle
him against me while his legs were stretched out onto the couch.
Although it is practically winter,  he was still wearing summer shorts,
loose baggy things. I guess that's because he was only coming from
the apartment down the corridor and  around the corner.  I was
thinking, there's a twelve-year-old boy draped across my lap, and it
seems he wants to stay here. I don't think most 'regular' boys would
have tolerated this intimate position for more than a minute or two.

	"Are you sure you're all right Noel...did you hurt your ankle again?"

	He didn't answer right away so I slid my fingers down his bare
leg and under his white socks to massage in the vicinity of his
ankle. He made a small sound as my hand traveled down his leg,
but didn't move. I wasn't sure if he was reacting to my touch, or if he
was in pain. I turned quickly to look at his face, I didn't want to
overstep any kind of boundary he set up, but Noel's eyes were closed.
His position in my arms was comfortable, but he couldn't be asleep.
It crossed my mind that he was actually enjoying this. He had made
himself helpless and available. Remarkable. And I was scared. It has
been years since a boy had acted this way with me. With his soft butt
positioned in my lap he was surely aware of my own desire. Noel's baggy
shorts was thin and all bunched up in his lap so I couldn't immediately
tell what was going on there. There was, however, one way to
find out. I'd continued gently stroking the silent boy's satiny,
pale-carmel legs in a kind of erotic--and terror-filled daze, and I
realized my hand had traveled a good distance up from his ankle,
so high up it was actually brushing inside the bottom of his loose s
horts. I was now caressing his thighs. And I could feel the edge
of his underpants.

	I looked again at Noel's beautiful face, but his eyes remained closed;
his long dark lashes fluttered against his cheeks. His lips moved
slightly as if he were saying something, but there was no sound,
and he still didn't move away.

	On the next upstroke of my hand I let my right forearm
"accidentally" pass hard across his lap. I heard an sharp intake of
breath and he went, "Uhh..." and what I felt there, erased all
doubts about what it was he wanted. And now I was even more scared.
What to do about this? I pulled him into a more upright position and he
leaned against me with his face pressed into the the corner of my
neck and shoulder. I could feel his breath warming my skin. I had an
urge to kiss him, but I only rubbed my cheek against his, and once I
even brushed my lips there. He was all soft and sweet. Noel raised a
languid right hand so that now both arms encircled my neck, but
otherwise he was an unresisting rag dolly.

	I was truly afraid to do what he evidently wanted me to do. But I
couldn't keep my hands from running up and down his back, his sides. My
right hand left his legs and slipped under his shirt. His warm belly
tightened when I touched him there and he breathed heavily in my ear.
Throwing out caution and good sense, my right hand worked further
up to touch his hard little nipples then stroked slowly back down past his
bellybutton and on to the outside of his thin shorts where it was now
easy to see--and feel, what was there. And it was something he could
be quite proud of for a twelve-year-old kid.

	My hand stayed where it was, between Noel's legs, seperated from his hot
hard flesh only by the thin cotton of his yellow summer shorts. I
became bolder and deliberately massaged the rigid swelling that he
was pushing hard into my hand. His hips rocked with a slow gentle rhythm.
My enlarged senses were bursting with his boy-smell and the incredible
yielding tenderness of his young body. Rational thought disappeared in
the irresistable presence of passion. I fed on Noel's urgent need, and my
helpless, impossible desire plus his innocent hunger was a combined force
driving us towards an inevitable resolution. I knew I had to do whatever I
must
to make him happy. Noel grunted and tightened his arms hard around my neck,
almost hurting me. His knees suddenly snapped up almost to his chest,
trapping my hand in the heat of his hard lap for a minute; then with a
strangled moan his legs shot straight out together and his whole body
went rigid. I held him tight and rocked him while his body gradually relaxed.

	Noel sat up quietly and swung his legs off the couch without looking
at me. He was positioned between my legs with his back towards me. I
wrapped my arms around him from behind and then I pulled aside his hair
and kissed his neck. He pressed backwards and let me hold and caress him,
but then he whispered in an urgent little voice, "I gotta go home... now!"
He gently disengaged himself from me and stood. I was disappointed, but
I let him go.

	I wondered if he regretted what happened. I wasn't certain what I felt
about the whole thing myself. I didn't fear he'd tell. I was reasonably
sure he wasn't that type of kid. But I didn't want him worrying himself
about it. So I said, "It's o.k. Noel, you didn't do anything wrong, it was
my fault...what happened...."

	By this time we were at the door, and Noel finally looked directly up
at me and said, "But I'm still mad at you..."

	"Huh...?" **Oh no, I thought, I've harmed him in some manner...why the hell
did I get so carried away?**

	"Yeah, you didn't give me any Haagen Dazs Rum Raisin ice cream this
time..." And he broke into giggles leaving me with my heart hammering away
in my chest. I stammered out as he rounded the bend down the corridor,
"...M..maybe next time?"

	Alright, I know Hans, again I was shamelessly begging... ;-)

	Noel stuck his head horizontally back around the corner so that
locks of his long brownish, reddish hair hung over his face, it had
grown back fast since the last time I saw him.

	"Maybe...." He grinned at me and was gone.

	That's it so far...I'll let you know what else happens...if anything.

	Love to everyone,

Charles

*************************************************************

			      LETTER 4: NOEL

	Oh Hans, I forget to tell you I saw Noel a few days after Xmas. I was
alone in the lobby of my apartment building where I'd first met him.
I was about to leave for an appointment when two arms came around
my waist from behind, they tightened and quickly released...and just
about scared the hell out of me! I spun around and there
smiling brightly up at me was lovely Noel.

	"Oh... hi!...you scared me..." I blinked surprised to see Noel there.

	"I know..." he giggled.

	I ran my fingers through his hair, it was long again falling just
above his shoulders, "Nice, but still way shorter than mine," I teased.
Then there was a little awkward silence as we just looked into each
others eyes...he wasn't gonna say it, so I did. "I kinda missed you
Noel..."

	"Yeah," he said sadly, "I'm not allowed to go out anywhere by
myself...I just came down to get the mail..."

	This was almost like the first time we met.

	"Oh." I said. I guess there really wasn't much else to say, but
seeing him again, and the way he was looking at me,
I was convinced that there was more than just a temporary
connection between us.

	He got his letters from the mailbox and turned
to me again shifting from one foot to another. He was wearing white
socks and a ridiculous-looking pair of fuzzy slippers, they were
coloured baby-blue and were much too large for him, they probably
belonged to his grandmother.

	"I'm going back home Charles...on the second of January..."

	"Yeah?" My heart sunk a bit, but I guess I expected this.

	"Yeah. My mom is back 'cause my other grandmother died."

	There was another longish pause as the meaning of that bit of
news sank in.

	"Well, I'm glad you'll get to be with your mom again...," I
hesitated now because kids are peculiar, and I didn't know if I
should speak plainly or not. I decided to just say just what I felt,
"...but I'm sorry you have to go away, I like you Noel... a lot. We could've
been really good friends..."

	Surprisingly, instead of ignoring what I said, or being
embarrased by my little outburst as most boys might have been, Noel
responded directly: "I like you too...I'm sorry I couldn't come over
to see you again...but I might come back to visit my grandparents
...then ...maybe..." his voice trailed off on a hopeful note.

	Then it was all over and I had to go. "Bye Noel," I said,
running both hands once more through his hair. I cupped his soft, warm
cheeks for a second while he gazed at me then I stepped away from
him. Noel looked quickly around, apparently to see if we were still
alone in the lobby, then he threw both arms around me again and squeezed
his body against mine in a quick passionate boy-embrace, and without another
word he ran to the waiting elevator. I watched until the doors closed then
I left the building. When I got onto the street, I turned up my collar and
blinked into the cool winter breeze suddenly aware that my eyes were
blurry and moist. I regretted only one thing--that I didn't kiss him goodbye.

	Hans, that's the end of my little ongoing saga...I guess it's back
to being lonely.

	Take care, and thanks again for the other pics you sent me of your
friend.  He's quite nice looking. Tell your mom hi for me.

Your friend always, Charles.

**************************************

					........the end.......... ?